I need to accept a difficult idea, and allow that idea to be a reality, and in turn accept that reality.

I have lived in a vacuum where growing as a 'furry' artist will just never be something for me.

The only ways to get ahead in this fandom is to be highly social, talented, or appeal to some level of phonographic demographics. And i suck at/dislike all those things.

And those are really, the only ways to get ahead in this shit show.

I'm not a good artist. Im just not. And maybe thats because i have had absolutely no one to coach me or support me, or even other artists to hang out with in the past 8 years or so. Im... perpetually stuck, at this stage of 'just a little more effort and you'll be good enough'

And thats the problem right there... I ended up chasing art not because it made me happy, but because i wanted to belong to something. Because i craved community. I wanted to share, learn, and grow. And i simply dont feel, see, hear, or experience that belonging among this community. As long as i have been here, i have felt totally isolated.

I'll probably still lurk, and i wont delete anything from here, simply because all of this was a part of my journey as a person.

But to be a furry artist? It just wasn't a part of my destiny.

Part of me is sad, bitter, and lonely when i load up my gallery page.
I think that maybe it could have been different if i had more artists in my life, helping me grow and shape myself into a more polished product. That maybe if i didnt cling to that endless yearning to belong, maybe i could be sitting at a con at artists alley, basking in the warmth of that fellowship i craved so much.

But considering im here, where i am now, all i can do is accept that this is not my path to walk. And that maybe, just maybe, if i put in the work, time and effort, i'll find that path thats meant to rest under my feet as i keep moving forward.

Let this be a warning for all who come to this place. If you're going to do it, do it for yourself, and for the love of god, be happy doing it. Or nothing good will come of your experience save for time wasted.