yeeh....

well long time i dont submit a vent art.

mainly because no internet, also i was pretty good.
and my traditional vent arts have taken a very special style that i kinda dont want to submit here...

well mostly of you already know about some of my "things"
one f that is my multiple personalities.
we have been trying to be all in peace but not recently
i dont know smething is getting me distracted, all the others on me get me nervous and makes me freak out in less than a second is like
"hey rhu, how are you?"
and then i suddenly with no reason try to hit your head with an iron bar (yeh.. that really happened.)

and this just makes me hate it, and me , and we, and all.

also all this nervous things acumulated by lots of peoples and troubles and stupid fears of .. yes this is funny a small part of me fears to die some day of those.
and mst of me dont cares and just hates the ther half of me for fearing it
and they all accuse theyselves to see who is the guilty of all this shits that are happening with my body.
like suddenly paralization, headaches, feeling "mareada" (i dont know to translate that ) and the immpsibilityes to breathe, and the troubles with low pressure, or sudden pain on the heart. or the other psiclogycal part of suddenly start to cry or suddenly start scratching myself until i bleed or trow things or try to kill people around me, or just start screaming and insultin or...

well lots of things.
i'm so fucking tired f this shit.
and who can i take as guilty?
myself.
what else can i do?

dah, this is getting mew tired.

and i hate being so hard to breathe all the fucking time, and my hand almost paralyzed i just fucking hate this!
and doctors says "everything is ok"

and i cant go out of my home!
i pass out on buses and cars!
and my father is not willing to take me outside not even to try to see one friend or a psycologist!
what its supposed i have to do!? ¬¬

fuck this is getting me frustrated.
i not even have someone to tell all the things i need to say and to being listened.
when i had a boyfriend they payd me a little attention...
but only after they beated the shit out of me or menaced me to kill me or any of theyr other fucking things they had on theyr heads

god i hate all this.

anyway.. i suppose i have to get used to it.

so well... i maded a small self portraits on a symilar style to my traditional vents.. (not every a single resemblance,,, but it looks similar i think)
i cant upload they even if they look very nice, half of me forbids me that.

i love making so many lines and fast things, and mostly self portraits, this is the closest to me you can see for now.
the only thing that is different is the marking under my eyes here.
but well wathever.

also this file might not be good i will see if i can fix it , i hope internet works.

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my self portraits and art by me  shadowmeere