Dad update
2 years ago
Do forgive me, that last journal has hung around like a bad penny, so to lighten the air, I think I'd like to give a small update. After awhile of sitting and waiting around for bureaucracy, we finally have a date for this Monday for another doctor visit, then one after that, and at some point, hopefully in the near future, He's lost about 30 pounds, it fluctuates a little more than that daily, and I've noticed he's started drinking more, but with the pain he's in, with the fear I'm sure he's hiding, that's always how he's dealt with those emotions. I'm worried still, I don't know if I'm hopeful, scared, or what I am, but I'm still trying to make plans as best as I can in case this all goes belly up and I find myself looking down the barrel of being homeless. We'll see how this all goes. Thank you to everybody for your support the last time around, I really do appreciate the well-wishes. I'm sorry I'm not more upfront with my feelings a lot of the time, that I try to swallow everything down, that I try to shut down what I'm feeling to the point that I don't even know what it is I'm feeling, it's just hard. I know a lot of people have a lot of their own problems, especially with what's going on in the world now, so believe me, I don't want to ever come across as looking for attention or whining or anything like that, I just want all of you to know what's going on with me, to share myself with all of you as you share your friendship with me.
I know it's popular for Youtubers and big content creators to thank everyone and tell their people that they love them, but I really do love and cherish all of you! So many of you are so very talented, so special, so lovely, and suffering so much. You don't deserve it, and no matter what your insecurities say, no matter what people tell you, you're stronger than what you think. You've made it this far in life, and all of that stuff hasn't stopped you yet. Writer's block, art block, sadness, fear, loneliness, it happens to the best of us, sometimes more than others! Some of us deal with abuse, others with depression, and God knows what else, but whatever it is, you have the tools deep down to beat it. Don't let anyone ever try to make you feel helpless or less special! I've heard stupid things like "If everyone's special, then no one is." & "Well big picture, none of us really matter at all.", well it takes tiny hands to hold the brush to paint that big picture, everyone matters, a whole hell of a lot. Don't pay people like that any mind. People who are half versed in penny philosophies are going to spend the rest of their lives trying to make cents, if you catch my drift. I'll keep everyone updated on how I'm doing, and to everyone else who needs to hear it, I'm rooting for you too! At the end of whatever we're all dealing with, let's let everyone whose important to us know we're all okay, alright?
If I could, I'd take all of you out for coffee and some conversation about it all.
I know it's popular for Youtubers and big content creators to thank everyone and tell their people that they love them, but I really do love and cherish all of you! So many of you are so very talented, so special, so lovely, and suffering so much. You don't deserve it, and no matter what your insecurities say, no matter what people tell you, you're stronger than what you think. You've made it this far in life, and all of that stuff hasn't stopped you yet. Writer's block, art block, sadness, fear, loneliness, it happens to the best of us, sometimes more than others! Some of us deal with abuse, others with depression, and God knows what else, but whatever it is, you have the tools deep down to beat it. Don't let anyone ever try to make you feel helpless or less special! I've heard stupid things like "If everyone's special, then no one is." & "Well big picture, none of us really matter at all.", well it takes tiny hands to hold the brush to paint that big picture, everyone matters, a whole hell of a lot. Don't pay people like that any mind. People who are half versed in penny philosophies are going to spend the rest of their lives trying to make cents, if you catch my drift. I'll keep everyone updated on how I'm doing, and to everyone else who needs to hear it, I'm rooting for you too! At the end of whatever we're all dealing with, let's let everyone whose important to us know we're all okay, alright?
If I could, I'd take all of you out for coffee and some conversation about it all.
I am wishing you well.. and by extension your dad and family.
*hug*
Also, there's nothing wrong with "doing something for attention". For a start, what sort of attention are you looking for? It's a sad world indeed if you tell people something and they don't respond. Granted, I hear what you're saying here: that you're not asking for support, just letting us know what's happening with you. But what sort of social creature would us humans be if we didn't talk and anticipate some sort of response? It's okay to want to hear from people ;)
I would say keep your chin up, but you have permission to put your chin down if you need to. We all do.
Thank you again, very much
*hugs...
V.
V.