let's be realistic
a year ago
I don't want to feel better, all because of the impossible amount of guilt I've accumulated over the past few years, I've treated so many people wrong, people I loved, that because of my own issues I've hurt, and further hurt once I isolated myself from them indefinitely, and I don't feel like I deserve happiness because of what I did. it's a vicious cycle, memories bring guilt, guilt brings emotional suffering, excessive emotional suffering brings self-inflicted physical pain.
I block myself from feeling well by essentially absorbing all the bad vibes possibles around me, mostly from music and also by acting mean.
People around me say I don't put effort into what I do and I don't use my full potential when I feel like it's a struggle just to put one feet in front of the other.
.
I've not been able to draw at all, or at least things I want to draw, nothing feels right, I can never reach my standards in my own drawings, at least I can still potentially post stuff I make at school. it's not like the ideas aren't there, I just can't actually create anything right now because of how damn shitty I feel.
.
whatever, can't even kill myself because my mind is still more scared of death than having to wake up another day feeling like this.
.
More edits incoming though, just a few.
I block myself from feeling well by essentially absorbing all the bad vibes possibles around me, mostly from music and also by acting mean.
People around me say I don't put effort into what I do and I don't use my full potential when I feel like it's a struggle just to put one feet in front of the other.
.
I've not been able to draw at all, or at least things I want to draw, nothing feels right, I can never reach my standards in my own drawings, at least I can still potentially post stuff I make at school. it's not like the ideas aren't there, I just can't actually create anything right now because of how damn shitty I feel.
.
whatever, can't even kill myself because my mind is still more scared of death than having to wake up another day feeling like this.
.
More edits incoming though, just a few.
I hope you can't imagine the struggle it is to distract myself with ADHD, any game I play starts to feel not entertaining in the span of a week, and same goes for books, series, movies, literally entire franchises, and I can't afford to just bulk buy games.