Sudden Absents Explained
5 months ago
(Grammar and Spelling Warning, This is wrote by a complete nutskull. Long Read, Explains what happened the last week. Mention of Sucided, Blood, and Minor Gore is mentioned here. So discretion is advice.)
I, Don't have a lot of words for the last 5 days. It has been one living hell of an experience. Id blame myself mostly, but at the same time, I feel like there was nothing I could have done to avoid it. You might be asking. Tyler, what exactly happened. Well. To make this long enough to be a post that seemed like I put time into I will try to explain it in story.
About 8 years ago I had started building up my first ever list of respectability's. I started to have choirs that mattered, Friends around the neighborhood, and had picked up my own interests in the internet. Though despite all this, I was still a boy, and hygiene was something I didn't take for granted as well as something I more or less looked down apon. I didn't quite understand it, Why take a shower if you just got dirty the next day, Way brush your teeth if you ate again in 3ish hours or snacked all day. What was the point in deodorant if.. I don't have an oder, i mean, isnt that what the shower is for in the first place? I was young and didnt really seem like it was really worth my time. This though didn't stop my mother in trying to still get me to do those things.
About 2 years ago, my argent's caught up to me. I did EVER brush my teeth, be it because I didn't want to, because the dentists where amazed how perfect my teether were despite it, or maybe the mint in tooth past is simply too strong (I fucking hate it). Be it what ever it might have been, it was time to visit the dentist. When I got there, The dentist told me I needed 4 fillings, one in witch was on my molar on the bottom row, 4th from the middle on the left side. The filling would be taking up nearly 20% of the tooth and would push right up against the nerve. So close in fact the doc gave me the option to instead do a root canal. If you been alive, you know that is probably on of the most expansive things you can ever do to your teeth, yea, more then crowning them is. Anyways I get the filling done, drilling process is rather painless because they nearly knock me out for it, get the filling in and I'm on my way.
Do you think I learned my lesson?
Nope :3
In fact. Day 2 of the new filling, on the tooth I mentioned in specifics, the WHOLE filling fell out while I was chew on gummy light sabers. Ah. The crunch it made. What a sound. Any who, We schedule another appointment with a different doctor because we where like fuck that one and the new guy fills it and even charges us less because they "felt bad".
Lessoned Learned Now? Nope. Still Nope.
A year ago. I was eating something, I don't quite remember what, but what ever it was i manage to piss off my molar. It went form being fine and dandy, to being a white person on twitter after having their ego struck. The amount of pain was indescribable at the time and caused me to almost go crazy while on the work site. Ibuprofen? Didn't work. Orajel? Nope. What about acetaminophen? You bet your britches that didn't worth either. I had to beg my mother to help me tag a time to go the the dentist. Thankfully, It only only a 24 hour wait, I go in, explain my problem. They do same X-ray scans. And!!! Nothing. Nothing was wrong, No cavity, no chipping, Nothing. Apparently, I bit onto something and it only put pressure on the filling, Because the filling is so large, it was just a matter of time before It happened. Sure enough, the next day, it stopped hurting entirely.
Surely, SURLY this is a sign from the lord above that I NEED to take care of my tooth and that I need to learn my lesson. Ha, Your funny, You forget, I'm fuckin stupid!
WELL, now its 6 months ago and I get some Minor pain in my jaw, I live alone now, house a pigsty and still pretty stinky. I had just got over a huge depression from 2021 and 2022 and was more or less on a role with the great community that has been built up from 2023 and had been a bit distracted. Though the slight pain I felt in my molar reminded me, maybe I should start being a better person, I've been living alone for about 2 years now and I have had my time alone being a pig, might as well start cleaning up myself, and the house. So I did that. Like a switch on the wall, I went from a lazy couch potato to someone actually productive (out side of the internet at lest) and started to clean my kitchen, my gaming room, my bed (no bed room) and bathroom, I took a shower and brushed my teeth every single night, started to eat more healthy, and just generly attempted to better myself for the future.
But uh. The damage was done. Little did I know, that small, in significant pain in my shitty ass molar that has caused problems nearly 3 times now was about to bit, me, back.
Its now 6 days ago, exactly Thursday, 11/30/2023 I was having a great time with my mother, getting away from my alcoholic father (they don't live together, I just live in one of 5 apartments my dad owns and he loves to bug me.), and just generally having a blast having a mini party of sorts. We had hot dogs, buffalos wings. I go to bed with some very minor pain in my jaw but didn't think much of it because, well, I have been better about keeping myself, I didn't think it was gonna be a problem. Woke up the next day to: "Nope, Wrong again buckaroo", Pain from the first experienced has returned, but this time not as bad and this time I had some extremally powerful painkillers from when I had covid. So I was basically able to brush it off my shoulder. Though while still being able to hardly able to feel it, I was stuck in the DMV to get my ID. for just a normal 7 hours. You know, just long enough so that I couldn't call the dentist until Monday because my doc doesn't do weekend emergencies, but I wasn't scared at this point. I didn't know how bad it was gonna get.
And so. Starts the beginning. Of.. the worse pains I have ever felt.. ever, I don't think there is any pain that i have ever had before this that can equal it. I've almost cut my leg off as a 7 year old on some reefs, I tore open the bottom of my foot many times from loose nails, I have a scare, that trails down my back from my shoulder to my ass from a rusty nail that had torn my back a new grand canyon, been in 2 car accidents and have been clocked by a 275 man who welds and carried around 100lb of equip around every day (Thanks dad). And lastly, an easy number one up to this point. A staff infection, that now leaves a large hole in my thumb. None of these.. could prepare me, for what felt like.. someone took a small dagger, the size of maybe a razorblade/box opener/Letter opener what ever. And stabled it into my lowerleft jaw, and broke off the end of if and just left it there. At first. It was tolerable . But feeling this.. constant, throbbing pain, that didn't slow down, didn't rest, and only got worse if you sat or laided down. I couldn't eat, Could beardly drink water. Couldn't sleep.. Favors flooding my door from all 4 of my parents asking favors from me. All weekend long.
This. This I think was the first time. I have ever felt.. suicidal. That maybe. Just maybe. Offing myself would feel better then the shit I was going through. I thought about it many times. I was lost, confused, in a state of high from the overdosing about of painkillers I was taking and awake for almost 70 hours strait. Nothing helped. Not Ice, Not salt water, Not even a nice.. hot.. shower. I had my first panic attack. The house I had spent time keeping clean, Now once again lays in ruin. as the only way i know how to even remotely relive my mind from this torcher was by rolling around on the ground, throwing things as hard as possible into the walls, ripping paper and wires apart (not hot ones dw) and even after all this, left to just sob on the ground for hours on end. Eyes locked on the large witcher sword I had recently gotten from a video game convention. It was extremely sharp on its tip. The action would be simple. But I could never bring myself to do it. I just closed my eyes, and tryed to rest.
Monday was weird. Extremely fuzzy. I think at this point my mind had gone numb form the pain, and the nerves in my jaw had died out completely because they type of pain had changed completely. I couldn't walk much, couldn't think. I managed to call my dentist and scheduled an appetent on Tuesday morning, the moment they open. That went as well as one would expect. I arrived High on drugs (painkillers) and was simply asked what has happened so far. This is about what I told them but in a much more brief and simple way and they did their thing, took an xray on the wending tooth and told me a cavity as formed. Most likely due to the fact the filling was too close to the nerve, or the fact the filling was chipped. There was many factors that could have played a roll. But. They told me something that would prob scare the life out of me.
Its Infected.
There was a very small pull of puss between my tooth and my gums, that could make the pulling process even more painful if I so decide to pull it. I looked my doctor dead in the eye and told them to pull it. I'm risking death just finally relive myself. The process was.. Painful, yes, but even after getting stabbed in the gums by what I assume was a chizzle for teeth/gums, and having probable one of the most complex root system, The exulcerated heart beat or the hypothermic cold that the room was for some reason. Nothing, single, no commination of these pains, could compare to the relive behind it, knowing that all of this will be over soon.
With one bloody pop, the tooth is out. My body goes from shivering profusely, to almost limp. My mind, stuck between a state of High, bliss, and pain. The doc sits me up, asked me if I'm ok, I take one deep breath and told him I was fine. He gave me my papers, I payed the bill. And went home. Had to wait about 5 hours before I could eat anything, and the thing I ate was just some caned chicken soup, but.. Holy shit was it not the best god damn soup I've ever had. Once again brought to tears. But this time. Knowing that it was over.
I normally try not to wright about my tragedy's. Or my regrets in live. But, I feel like after this last week something has changed about me. I don't know what it is. And figured I wright out something for you guys to try and make up for the sudden disappearance. But what ever it might be Ill let you know now. I'm Fine. I'm so fare making a speedy recovery. And taking morning walks with my mom to catch the fresh cool air and let the blood run through my body. Getting those antibiotics and painkillers through their system and letting my mom work out her bursed ribs (that can be for another story lol).
If your read everything. Thank you. This is something I put a lot of time into, If you skimmed over it, Thank you, because you took the time to at lest look and check up on what's going on. And if your just reading this last message. That's fine too. I hope everyone has a happy holidays. and for the love of god, don't forget to floss.
I, Don't have a lot of words for the last 5 days. It has been one living hell of an experience. Id blame myself mostly, but at the same time, I feel like there was nothing I could have done to avoid it. You might be asking. Tyler, what exactly happened. Well. To make this long enough to be a post that seemed like I put time into I will try to explain it in story.
About 8 years ago I had started building up my first ever list of respectability's. I started to have choirs that mattered, Friends around the neighborhood, and had picked up my own interests in the internet. Though despite all this, I was still a boy, and hygiene was something I didn't take for granted as well as something I more or less looked down apon. I didn't quite understand it, Why take a shower if you just got dirty the next day, Way brush your teeth if you ate again in 3ish hours or snacked all day. What was the point in deodorant if.. I don't have an oder, i mean, isnt that what the shower is for in the first place? I was young and didnt really seem like it was really worth my time. This though didn't stop my mother in trying to still get me to do those things.
About 2 years ago, my argent's caught up to me. I did EVER brush my teeth, be it because I didn't want to, because the dentists where amazed how perfect my teether were despite it, or maybe the mint in tooth past is simply too strong (I fucking hate it). Be it what ever it might have been, it was time to visit the dentist. When I got there, The dentist told me I needed 4 fillings, one in witch was on my molar on the bottom row, 4th from the middle on the left side. The filling would be taking up nearly 20% of the tooth and would push right up against the nerve. So close in fact the doc gave me the option to instead do a root canal. If you been alive, you know that is probably on of the most expansive things you can ever do to your teeth, yea, more then crowning them is. Anyways I get the filling done, drilling process is rather painless because they nearly knock me out for it, get the filling in and I'm on my way.
Do you think I learned my lesson?
Nope :3
In fact. Day 2 of the new filling, on the tooth I mentioned in specifics, the WHOLE filling fell out while I was chew on gummy light sabers. Ah. The crunch it made. What a sound. Any who, We schedule another appointment with a different doctor because we where like fuck that one and the new guy fills it and even charges us less because they "felt bad".
Lessoned Learned Now? Nope. Still Nope.
A year ago. I was eating something, I don't quite remember what, but what ever it was i manage to piss off my molar. It went form being fine and dandy, to being a white person on twitter after having their ego struck. The amount of pain was indescribable at the time and caused me to almost go crazy while on the work site. Ibuprofen? Didn't work. Orajel? Nope. What about acetaminophen? You bet your britches that didn't worth either. I had to beg my mother to help me tag a time to go the the dentist. Thankfully, It only only a 24 hour wait, I go in, explain my problem. They do same X-ray scans. And!!! Nothing. Nothing was wrong, No cavity, no chipping, Nothing. Apparently, I bit onto something and it only put pressure on the filling, Because the filling is so large, it was just a matter of time before It happened. Sure enough, the next day, it stopped hurting entirely.
Surely, SURLY this is a sign from the lord above that I NEED to take care of my tooth and that I need to learn my lesson. Ha, Your funny, You forget, I'm fuckin stupid!
WELL, now its 6 months ago and I get some Minor pain in my jaw, I live alone now, house a pigsty and still pretty stinky. I had just got over a huge depression from 2021 and 2022 and was more or less on a role with the great community that has been built up from 2023 and had been a bit distracted. Though the slight pain I felt in my molar reminded me, maybe I should start being a better person, I've been living alone for about 2 years now and I have had my time alone being a pig, might as well start cleaning up myself, and the house. So I did that. Like a switch on the wall, I went from a lazy couch potato to someone actually productive (out side of the internet at lest) and started to clean my kitchen, my gaming room, my bed (no bed room) and bathroom, I took a shower and brushed my teeth every single night, started to eat more healthy, and just generly attempted to better myself for the future.
But uh. The damage was done. Little did I know, that small, in significant pain in my shitty ass molar that has caused problems nearly 3 times now was about to bit, me, back.
Its now 6 days ago, exactly Thursday, 11/30/2023 I was having a great time with my mother, getting away from my alcoholic father (they don't live together, I just live in one of 5 apartments my dad owns and he loves to bug me.), and just generally having a blast having a mini party of sorts. We had hot dogs, buffalos wings. I go to bed with some very minor pain in my jaw but didn't think much of it because, well, I have been better about keeping myself, I didn't think it was gonna be a problem. Woke up the next day to: "Nope, Wrong again buckaroo", Pain from the first experienced has returned, but this time not as bad and this time I had some extremally powerful painkillers from when I had covid. So I was basically able to brush it off my shoulder. Though while still being able to hardly able to feel it, I was stuck in the DMV to get my ID. for just a normal 7 hours. You know, just long enough so that I couldn't call the dentist until Monday because my doc doesn't do weekend emergencies, but I wasn't scared at this point. I didn't know how bad it was gonna get.
And so. Starts the beginning. Of.. the worse pains I have ever felt.. ever, I don't think there is any pain that i have ever had before this that can equal it. I've almost cut my leg off as a 7 year old on some reefs, I tore open the bottom of my foot many times from loose nails, I have a scare, that trails down my back from my shoulder to my ass from a rusty nail that had torn my back a new grand canyon, been in 2 car accidents and have been clocked by a 275 man who welds and carried around 100lb of equip around every day (Thanks dad). And lastly, an easy number one up to this point. A staff infection, that now leaves a large hole in my thumb. None of these.. could prepare me, for what felt like.. someone took a small dagger, the size of maybe a razorblade/box opener/Letter opener what ever. And stabled it into my lowerleft jaw, and broke off the end of if and just left it there. At first. It was tolerable . But feeling this.. constant, throbbing pain, that didn't slow down, didn't rest, and only got worse if you sat or laided down. I couldn't eat, Could beardly drink water. Couldn't sleep.. Favors flooding my door from all 4 of my parents asking favors from me. All weekend long.
This. This I think was the first time. I have ever felt.. suicidal. That maybe. Just maybe. Offing myself would feel better then the shit I was going through. I thought about it many times. I was lost, confused, in a state of high from the overdosing about of painkillers I was taking and awake for almost 70 hours strait. Nothing helped. Not Ice, Not salt water, Not even a nice.. hot.. shower. I had my first panic attack. The house I had spent time keeping clean, Now once again lays in ruin. as the only way i know how to even remotely relive my mind from this torcher was by rolling around on the ground, throwing things as hard as possible into the walls, ripping paper and wires apart (not hot ones dw) and even after all this, left to just sob on the ground for hours on end. Eyes locked on the large witcher sword I had recently gotten from a video game convention. It was extremely sharp on its tip. The action would be simple. But I could never bring myself to do it. I just closed my eyes, and tryed to rest.
Monday was weird. Extremely fuzzy. I think at this point my mind had gone numb form the pain, and the nerves in my jaw had died out completely because they type of pain had changed completely. I couldn't walk much, couldn't think. I managed to call my dentist and scheduled an appetent on Tuesday morning, the moment they open. That went as well as one would expect. I arrived High on drugs (painkillers) and was simply asked what has happened so far. This is about what I told them but in a much more brief and simple way and they did their thing, took an xray on the wending tooth and told me a cavity as formed. Most likely due to the fact the filling was too close to the nerve, or the fact the filling was chipped. There was many factors that could have played a roll. But. They told me something that would prob scare the life out of me.
Its Infected.
There was a very small pull of puss between my tooth and my gums, that could make the pulling process even more painful if I so decide to pull it. I looked my doctor dead in the eye and told them to pull it. I'm risking death just finally relive myself. The process was.. Painful, yes, but even after getting stabbed in the gums by what I assume was a chizzle for teeth/gums, and having probable one of the most complex root system, The exulcerated heart beat or the hypothermic cold that the room was for some reason. Nothing, single, no commination of these pains, could compare to the relive behind it, knowing that all of this will be over soon.
With one bloody pop, the tooth is out. My body goes from shivering profusely, to almost limp. My mind, stuck between a state of High, bliss, and pain. The doc sits me up, asked me if I'm ok, I take one deep breath and told him I was fine. He gave me my papers, I payed the bill. And went home. Had to wait about 5 hours before I could eat anything, and the thing I ate was just some caned chicken soup, but.. Holy shit was it not the best god damn soup I've ever had. Once again brought to tears. But this time. Knowing that it was over.
I normally try not to wright about my tragedy's. Or my regrets in live. But, I feel like after this last week something has changed about me. I don't know what it is. And figured I wright out something for you guys to try and make up for the sudden disappearance. But what ever it might be Ill let you know now. I'm Fine. I'm so fare making a speedy recovery. And taking morning walks with my mom to catch the fresh cool air and let the blood run through my body. Getting those antibiotics and painkillers through their system and letting my mom work out her bursed ribs (that can be for another story lol).
If your read everything. Thank you. This is something I put a lot of time into, If you skimmed over it, Thank you, because you took the time to at lest look and check up on what's going on. And if your just reading this last message. That's fine too. I hope everyone has a happy holidays. and for the love of god, don't forget to floss.
Holy hell, that sounds miserable. Oral hygiene is a pain to deal with (heh). I'm glad you beat the suicidal ideation; not everyone does. Hopefully you recovery quickly with no further complications! It's honestly not a bad idea to brush my teeth right now, especially after this read...