FA+
Shop
Back to arting, and I've moved!
Posted 5 months agoSo not long after posting the last journal I've decided "fuck it, might as well start fresh and get back to furry art"! Funny enough this is what I did when making this ZelWorks account but honestly, I Xeon is two fursona's old now, and I don't really have him as a fursona. An OC, yeah, but not a fursona. You can find me on 
indigothefluffdragon now!
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
Follow me there!
indigothefluffdragon now!https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/in.....thefluffdragon
Follow me there!
Commissions...?
Posted 5 months agoI need cash. Living paycheck to paycheck, surfacing above and dipping below is not fun. I need to get out of this house.
I'm considering opening commissions, however lately I've been leaning in to my main skills - landscapes and stuff. Would anyone have interest in such a thing? I've been threatening to go back to doing furry stuff but I just cannot stand being inconsistent. One picture will be amazing, first shot. Anatomy is half-decent at best (some would disagree and call it good, but I digress). Then the next few pieces suck hard.
Would anyone be interested in landscapes? Right now my new stuff has been posted to a TG channel so I can discuss there - IndigoTheDragon - but otherwise I'll probably open proper if and when I can get back into furry stuff - and hopefully be posting here again. I'll also color/shade your existing art if you want to find a colorist!
And, would y'all want to see the stuff I've been making over the past couple of years? I know FA is an art site for most things, but I also know when my type of art is not popular. This is a furry-centric site, after all, so not only is it not furry, but it's not porn. And porn sells. Also, it's not like I'm a popular artist where I know people are going to fawn over anything I post soooo
That's the main reason this page has been dead.
I should upload art that I've commissioned over the years too... hmm.
I'm considering opening commissions, however lately I've been leaning in to my main skills - landscapes and stuff. Would anyone have interest in such a thing? I've been threatening to go back to doing furry stuff but I just cannot stand being inconsistent. One picture will be amazing, first shot. Anatomy is half-decent at best (some would disagree and call it good, but I digress). Then the next few pieces suck hard.
Would anyone be interested in landscapes? Right now my new stuff has been posted to a TG channel so I can discuss there - IndigoTheDragon - but otherwise I'll probably open proper if and when I can get back into furry stuff - and hopefully be posting here again. I'll also color/shade your existing art if you want to find a colorist!
And, would y'all want to see the stuff I've been making over the past couple of years? I know FA is an art site for most things, but I also know when my type of art is not popular. This is a furry-centric site, after all, so not only is it not furry, but it's not porn. And porn sells. Also, it's not like I'm a popular artist where I know people are going to fawn over anything I post soooo
That's the main reason this page has been dead.
I should upload art that I've commissioned over the years too... hmm.
(Almost) Dawn of the Final Day: 25:13:50 Remain
Posted 6 months agoSo, my birthday is on Saturday. Gonna be interesting. I'm exited cause I'm gonna showcase a game I (re)made, based on a game show. I'm also just anxious with it being the first major celebration following my mom's death. I miss her.
Lots of ups and downs lately, as usual. An old friend of mine passed away earlier in the week. Got a call he had a stroke, two days later, he died. Meh. I'm doing what I can. Keeping my head up as best as I can and keeping busy.
Lots of ups and downs lately, as usual. An old friend of mine passed away earlier in the week. Got a call he had a stroke, two days later, he died. Meh. I'm doing what I can. Keeping my head up as best as I can and keeping busy.
I did it!
Posted 8 months agoThat is, I fixed my car! I got it fixed up, and passed inspection!
...but at what cost?
My savings is again at pretty much zero. My pseudo savings (stock account) is pretty much back at square one, and my account is near zero, until this Friday, at least.
But the car is fixed! No more money pit! ....Until next year at least. Or until GM engineering strikes again (I swear I love chevy but I hate them too lmao)
I wish my mom and dad could see me right now. Really freaking happy with myself, and at least that's one less headache to drain my money. Just gotta keep on top of saving again.
...but at what cost?
My savings is again at pretty much zero. My pseudo savings (stock account) is pretty much back at square one, and my account is near zero, until this Friday, at least.
But the car is fixed! No more money pit! ....Until next year at least. Or until GM engineering strikes again (I swear I love chevy but I hate them too lmao)
I wish my mom and dad could see me right now. Really freaking happy with myself, and at least that's one less headache to drain my money. Just gotta keep on top of saving again.
Money
Posted 9 months agoOr lack thereof.
There's nothing worse in the word than taking 1-2 steps forward, only to be shoved back like 5 or 6 steps. I need to get out of this house, and expenses keep cropping up. I get my shittier spending habits under control, but then I have to replace broken things, or fix my car. I try to cut down excessive spending, but then people literally make me end up spending more.
The latter bit? The more I get delayed with getting my mom's belongings out of storage, the more I have to keep paying $500ish in storage unit fees. It's mostly moved into a new (cheaper) unit but still, I'm stuck in a really tight spot, and it's really annoying. UGH.
I'm resisting the urge to make another GoFundMe. Don't get me wrong... I can absolutely use the help. I've got a lot of stuff going on and without a doubt I need the financial help, but I'm waiting until the absolute last possible chance to do it. If I'm actively failing, I'll consider it. Until then, I'll use every last drop of resource remaining to handle my financial matters.
It's killing me though. But one day at a time, no matter how excruciating it is to wait for the next paycheck.
There's nothing worse in the word than taking 1-2 steps forward, only to be shoved back like 5 or 6 steps. I need to get out of this house, and expenses keep cropping up. I get my shittier spending habits under control, but then I have to replace broken things, or fix my car. I try to cut down excessive spending, but then people literally make me end up spending more.
The latter bit? The more I get delayed with getting my mom's belongings out of storage, the more I have to keep paying $500ish in storage unit fees. It's mostly moved into a new (cheaper) unit but still, I'm stuck in a really tight spot, and it's really annoying. UGH.
I'm resisting the urge to make another GoFundMe. Don't get me wrong... I can absolutely use the help. I've got a lot of stuff going on and without a doubt I need the financial help, but I'm waiting until the absolute last possible chance to do it. If I'm actively failing, I'll consider it. Until then, I'll use every last drop of resource remaining to handle my financial matters.
It's killing me though. But one day at a time, no matter how excruciating it is to wait for the next paycheck.
Feeling better?
Posted 11 months agoThank god for my two "W"s - weed and wellbutrin.
The first couple of weeks were the worst. Each week after I'd cry less and less, and now I'm not really crying, but motivation is barely there. Mood is up and down. It's too easy to just... stay at home. I wish I was with my partner; I wouldn't need to have to fight the lack of motivation to go out.
Needless to say, life just fucking sucks, as it tends to do. :D
Barely managed to get crap out of storage and get rid of/sell/throw out/donate it, so we're stuck paying for another month... and I can't even cover it. Not feasible to just take everything out of storage at once or move it to another else we'd do that by now.
The first couple of weeks were the worst. Each week after I'd cry less and less, and now I'm not really crying, but motivation is barely there. Mood is up and down. It's too easy to just... stay at home. I wish I was with my partner; I wouldn't need to have to fight the lack of motivation to go out.
Needless to say, life just fucking sucks, as it tends to do. :D
Barely managed to get crap out of storage and get rid of/sell/throw out/donate it, so we're stuck paying for another month... and I can't even cover it. Not feasible to just take everything out of storage at once or move it to another else we'd do that by now.
My mom has died.
Posted a year agoFuck cancer.
4:56 PM, Eastern Time. I get a call from the social worker. Her voice was unusually soft even for her, and... yeah. It was the call.
She's gone. I visited the hospice unit. Many of the nurses were wearing the ribbons I made - the three color blue/purple/yellow ribbon for bladder cancer, and I added a teardrop amethyst rhinestone in the intersecting part of the ribbon. It was so nice to see. It was surreal. It was the same shock I had when I first saw my mom, four days after her birthday. I broke down crying.
Tomorrow I'll be working on funeral arrangements.
Fuck cancer. I wanted my mom to ring that goddamn victory bell. Or whatever it is called, the bell at cancer treatment offices. But no. She had to be taken by cancer.
4:56 PM, Eastern Time. I get a call from the social worker. Her voice was unusually soft even for her, and... yeah. It was the call.
She's gone. I visited the hospice unit. Many of the nurses were wearing the ribbons I made - the three color blue/purple/yellow ribbon for bladder cancer, and I added a teardrop amethyst rhinestone in the intersecting part of the ribbon. It was so nice to see. It was surreal. It was the same shock I had when I first saw my mom, four days after her birthday. I broke down crying.
Tomorrow I'll be working on funeral arrangements.
Fuck cancer. I wanted my mom to ring that goddamn victory bell. Or whatever it is called, the bell at cancer treatment offices. But no. She had to be taken by cancer.
A belated update + GoFundMe
Posted a year agohttps://gofund.me/21dfe001 - GoFundMe for funeral and other end-of-life related expenses for my mom.
On the 19th, my mom had her 68th birthday. We had Red Lobster, and it was pretty good. She was out of it, but she was doing okay. Had a bunch of laughs, and she was surrounded by friends and family - my partner, my two highschool friends who care for her and view her like another mom. My two uncles (the ones I call the "chill" and "annoying" one), and the 'chill' uncle's partner.
Four days later, my mom had, by account of the nurses, entered the transition to end-of-life process.
That's also known as beginning to die.
My godmother, her best friend, whom I know as "Aunt Bitch"** had spoke to her some days before her birthday, and my mom apparently was speaking about the past, but in the present. Bringing things up only the two of them would know. Telling her best friend (who never got along with my mom's dad, and who had passed away MANY years ago, when I was still in high school) that she should talk to her father. As someone that had worked in the medical field, she suspected my mom entered transition some days prior to when I was called last Friday.
**I'm 'required' to call her that - it's an inside thing, and while most people have to properly address their elders as a kid (Aunt Tammy, Uncle Dan, etc), for me to give her respect, I didn't call her Aunt Patty. If I did, that was almost as bad as calling her by her first name as a kid :P If you knew her, it made sense so just go with it! haha
Needless to say, my mom is virtually unrecognizable from days prior. It's a huge drain and I've been seeing her nearly every day since then. It's hard. Yesterday I was so tired from not sleeping right that I couldn't go. I could barely sleep cause by not going, I obsessed even MORE about keeping my phone on.
As per hospice suggestion, we're looking into funeral arrangements and having them ready NOW, as it's honestly more of a ticking timer, and we don't quite know. I could get a call today. I could get a call sometime next week. If my mom is particularly stubborn, even at this point, even as we can't even talk to her the rare time we visit her and she's awake, she might even last another month like this. I don't know.
I talked to one of the nurses. All of the people at the facility love my mom. For whatever reason, she's considered different from the other patients. Hell, one of them, they had a pretty bad day. For whatever reason, she had a rough time with another patient. She had visited my mom as part of her thing and whatever chat they shared apparently gave the nurse the push to lift her up mentally and finish her shift for that day.
That's my mom, making people happy and taking care of them, even as she's suffering like she is...
I've got a GoFundMe going to help raise money to ease up the financial burden that will be the funeral and wrapping up anything else in my mom's final chapter in life.
https://gofund.me/21dfe001
Please, if you can spread the word or donate, anything helps.
On the 19th, my mom had her 68th birthday. We had Red Lobster, and it was pretty good. She was out of it, but she was doing okay. Had a bunch of laughs, and she was surrounded by friends and family - my partner, my two highschool friends who care for her and view her like another mom. My two uncles (the ones I call the "chill" and "annoying" one), and the 'chill' uncle's partner.
Four days later, my mom had, by account of the nurses, entered the transition to end-of-life process.
That's also known as beginning to die.
My godmother, her best friend, whom I know as "Aunt Bitch"** had spoke to her some days before her birthday, and my mom apparently was speaking about the past, but in the present. Bringing things up only the two of them would know. Telling her best friend (who never got along with my mom's dad, and who had passed away MANY years ago, when I was still in high school) that she should talk to her father. As someone that had worked in the medical field, she suspected my mom entered transition some days prior to when I was called last Friday.
**I'm 'required' to call her that - it's an inside thing, and while most people have to properly address their elders as a kid (Aunt Tammy, Uncle Dan, etc), for me to give her respect, I didn't call her Aunt Patty. If I did, that was almost as bad as calling her by her first name as a kid :P If you knew her, it made sense so just go with it! haha
Needless to say, my mom is virtually unrecognizable from days prior. It's a huge drain and I've been seeing her nearly every day since then. It's hard. Yesterday I was so tired from not sleeping right that I couldn't go. I could barely sleep cause by not going, I obsessed even MORE about keeping my phone on.
As per hospice suggestion, we're looking into funeral arrangements and having them ready NOW, as it's honestly more of a ticking timer, and we don't quite know. I could get a call today. I could get a call sometime next week. If my mom is particularly stubborn, even at this point, even as we can't even talk to her the rare time we visit her and she's awake, she might even last another month like this. I don't know.
I talked to one of the nurses. All of the people at the facility love my mom. For whatever reason, she's considered different from the other patients. Hell, one of them, they had a pretty bad day. For whatever reason, she had a rough time with another patient. She had visited my mom as part of her thing and whatever chat they shared apparently gave the nurse the push to lift her up mentally and finish her shift for that day.
That's my mom, making people happy and taking care of them, even as she's suffering like she is...
I've got a GoFundMe going to help raise money to ease up the financial burden that will be the funeral and wrapping up anything else in my mom's final chapter in life.
https://gofund.me/21dfe001
Please, if you can spread the word or donate, anything helps.
Ten Days Later
Posted a year agoMy mom has been doing better. Still looking into hospice services though.
I've been dealing with such a rollercoaster of emotions lately and it's one roller coaster I want off of NOW. Of course, that's not gonna happen. Not till life says it's over, and when it's over, I'm going to be an emotional wreck for a bit. I know it.
Hope everyone else is doing well!
I've been dealing with such a rollercoaster of emotions lately and it's one roller coaster I want off of NOW. Of course, that's not gonna happen. Not till life says it's over, and when it's over, I'm going to be an emotional wreck for a bit. I know it.
Hope everyone else is doing well!
"Weeks to Months"
Posted a year agoHello all.
I'd like to talk about my mom. She's alive, but I need to get stuff off my chest, and a semi-active profile seems to be a good place to spill the stuff. IDK.
My mom wanted to live to be 100. See the world in one century. The good, the bad - all of it. And I can't blame her. Being able to say "I lived till 100"? To be fair, I remember some people talked about ending themselves in their 30s or 40s cause they didn't want to be old. Many of them that I know of are still around and are getting up there but for my mom? She wanted to live.
A couple of years ago, my mom started to have some issues with breathing and such, and found some major issues with her heart, resulting in not one, not two, but three stents. She was determined to get better. She quit cigarettes while she was recovering - cold turkey. Thanks to hospital food and her no longer eating a bunch of food - she had been cutting back for a while - she actually dropped her weight over time to like 170-180. She looked good overall.
In addition to this, we discovered some bigger issues, such as one of her kidneys fully failing, and her other kidney barely functioning. And suddenly she had a nephrostomy tube - something that would let her kidney do less work so it could get better. She still has that tube.
She also was discovered to have an abdominal aneurysm.
Not long after, she was still having issues using the bathroom. Blockages, constipation, and even bloody stools and stuff. Blood in urine. She goes in for tests, and we discover that she has bladder cancer.
Fuck cancer.
She wasn't a candidate for surgery so we started with chemo for a few weeks. The growth shrank. She was going in for other appointments over time but we were hopeful she'd complete the treatment and get herself back to life. There was a bell at the treatment center, too. Patients would ring it when they finished treatment and beat that fucking evil beast we know as cancer.
Fuck cancer.
She was having some abdominal pain, and this was shortly after getting an operation to fix the aneurysm (I don't recall if it was an ablation or something else that was done). Pain continued over time, to the point she couldn't eat. Several tests in the emergency department later and we find out the cancer grew to nearly double it's original size. From about 5cm to two tiny spots, to 9cm.
Fuck cancer.
We start more aggressive treatment; surgery is just plain NOT an option at this point. It's harsher than before, but it has been looking promising. The cancer has been shrinking.
Fuck cancer.
Recently a cold went through our house. My mom didn't get terribly sick but they put her on antibiotics to make sure she didn't get infections or anything. She couldn't eat, barely holding down water. After she finished the antibiotics, things were getting better, except when that stopped. For a couple of days, she was getting super nauseous, throwing up brown vomit, and not holding anything down. Not even water.
Constipation and gas meds helped a bit but things got even worse. So into the hospital she went. That was last week.
They started her on a hydration treatment, and the blockage was going away, loosening up, she was starting to go. She got shifted to being able to SIP water, and by the end of this past week she was on track to go to a full liquid diet, and eventually solid food and discharge. Her 68th birthday (if my math is right) is on February 19th.
I had missed a few calls from the hospital as I work 9-4:30 weekdays (yay for normie boring office job! I even like playing solitaire! I am officially peak office worker!) but was able to talk to the doctor. He mentioned setting up a call on Friday to talk with the medical team on progress! This guy I've talked to before and always sounded pretty neutral even though the prior times we talked, he gave good news. So of course, my mom has been on the up and up, getting better slowly, so lets do this! Let's see when we can get her out of the hospital and back home! Finish up those cancer treatments, and get rid of this shit! Yeah, fuck cancer!
The call started with them talking about the treatments weren't being effective. First about the hydration attempts. And surgery isn't feasible for various reasons and risks. Shoot... alright, what's the next treatment option? More aggressive medication? Is surgery going to be riskier but worth it?
Nope.
Then they mentioned how the cancer treatment itself was no longer working. I mean, it WAS working really well. The rate of success with the treatment was good with others! But it's not working. So surely they're going to have to ramp it up! Nope. At best that would bring her closer to death even faster. Same with surgery.
Suddenly they were discussing a procedure that would, and I mostly quote "will let her eat for pleasure and taste".
Who the actual fuck ONLY eats for pleasure and taste? We fucking eat food because of energy. Nutrition! Yeah, pleasure and taste is certainly up there (hence why we have overpriced restaurants where you pay for a tiny. 1 inch round fillet mignon covered in gold leaf, $500 for two fucking bites of food).
They were discussing end of life care. Apparently, the blockage is due to the cancer that's growing. And when it causes obstructions in the stomach, even if stuff flows, it slows down. Slows down to the point of causing blockages again and again. And nothing could be done.
I did a google search. Prognosis is 1-9 months. My stomach started to do loops. Then I heard my mom ask... "how long would I have?" Their response is the name of this journal.
FUCK CANCER.
I'd like to talk about my mom. She's alive, but I need to get stuff off my chest, and a semi-active profile seems to be a good place to spill the stuff. IDK.
My mom wanted to live to be 100. See the world in one century. The good, the bad - all of it. And I can't blame her. Being able to say "I lived till 100"? To be fair, I remember some people talked about ending themselves in their 30s or 40s cause they didn't want to be old. Many of them that I know of are still around and are getting up there but for my mom? She wanted to live.
A couple of years ago, my mom started to have some issues with breathing and such, and found some major issues with her heart, resulting in not one, not two, but three stents. She was determined to get better. She quit cigarettes while she was recovering - cold turkey. Thanks to hospital food and her no longer eating a bunch of food - she had been cutting back for a while - she actually dropped her weight over time to like 170-180. She looked good overall.
In addition to this, we discovered some bigger issues, such as one of her kidneys fully failing, and her other kidney barely functioning. And suddenly she had a nephrostomy tube - something that would let her kidney do less work so it could get better. She still has that tube.
She also was discovered to have an abdominal aneurysm.
Not long after, she was still having issues using the bathroom. Blockages, constipation, and even bloody stools and stuff. Blood in urine. She goes in for tests, and we discover that she has bladder cancer.
Fuck cancer.
She wasn't a candidate for surgery so we started with chemo for a few weeks. The growth shrank. She was going in for other appointments over time but we were hopeful she'd complete the treatment and get herself back to life. There was a bell at the treatment center, too. Patients would ring it when they finished treatment and beat that fucking evil beast we know as cancer.
Fuck cancer.
She was having some abdominal pain, and this was shortly after getting an operation to fix the aneurysm (I don't recall if it was an ablation or something else that was done). Pain continued over time, to the point she couldn't eat. Several tests in the emergency department later and we find out the cancer grew to nearly double it's original size. From about 5cm to two tiny spots, to 9cm.
Fuck cancer.
We start more aggressive treatment; surgery is just plain NOT an option at this point. It's harsher than before, but it has been looking promising. The cancer has been shrinking.
Fuck cancer.
Recently a cold went through our house. My mom didn't get terribly sick but they put her on antibiotics to make sure she didn't get infections or anything. She couldn't eat, barely holding down water. After she finished the antibiotics, things were getting better, except when that stopped. For a couple of days, she was getting super nauseous, throwing up brown vomit, and not holding anything down. Not even water.
Constipation and gas meds helped a bit but things got even worse. So into the hospital she went. That was last week.
They started her on a hydration treatment, and the blockage was going away, loosening up, she was starting to go. She got shifted to being able to SIP water, and by the end of this past week she was on track to go to a full liquid diet, and eventually solid food and discharge. Her 68th birthday (if my math is right) is on February 19th.
I had missed a few calls from the hospital as I work 9-4:30 weekdays (yay for normie boring office job! I even like playing solitaire! I am officially peak office worker!) but was able to talk to the doctor. He mentioned setting up a call on Friday to talk with the medical team on progress! This guy I've talked to before and always sounded pretty neutral even though the prior times we talked, he gave good news. So of course, my mom has been on the up and up, getting better slowly, so lets do this! Let's see when we can get her out of the hospital and back home! Finish up those cancer treatments, and get rid of this shit! Yeah, fuck cancer!
The call started with them talking about the treatments weren't being effective. First about the hydration attempts. And surgery isn't feasible for various reasons and risks. Shoot... alright, what's the next treatment option? More aggressive medication? Is surgery going to be riskier but worth it?
Nope.
Then they mentioned how the cancer treatment itself was no longer working. I mean, it WAS working really well. The rate of success with the treatment was good with others! But it's not working. So surely they're going to have to ramp it up! Nope. At best that would bring her closer to death even faster. Same with surgery.
Suddenly they were discussing a procedure that would, and I mostly quote "will let her eat for pleasure and taste".
Who the actual fuck ONLY eats for pleasure and taste? We fucking eat food because of energy. Nutrition! Yeah, pleasure and taste is certainly up there (hence why we have overpriced restaurants where you pay for a tiny. 1 inch round fillet mignon covered in gold leaf, $500 for two fucking bites of food).
They were discussing end of life care. Apparently, the blockage is due to the cancer that's growing. And when it causes obstructions in the stomach, even if stuff flows, it slows down. Slows down to the point of causing blockages again and again. And nothing could be done.
I did a google search. Prognosis is 1-9 months. My stomach started to do loops. Then I heard my mom ask... "how long would I have?" Their response is the name of this journal.
FUCK CANCER.
New Year!
Posted a year agoBeen procrastinating posting this because of course I'd do that.
My body didn't get the "Happy and Healthy" memo for the new year. I got to start it with a cold. The Thursday before I started coughing, Friday was annoying af as it got worse and a bit of sneezing followed. Saturday was brutal af and I wanted to die. Sunday was harsh as well and I just stayed in. Monday and Tuesday slowly got better but was still fully sick. Wednesday till Friday was manageable at work but I hated the year already.
I'm pretty much 95%. I always get a lingering cough and occasional sneeze and stuffy nose but some of that is just where I am.
My partner didn't fare as well either. We both planned to be together for the new year and got stuck home, sick, and miserable. They're still recovering, which I'm surprised at since usually I'm the one that takes forever to get better.
In other news, I got a Cricut and a Cricut EasyPress! I've got plans, and hopefully, I'll be putting them into motion soon! Gotta get the space for the tools :D
I've rarely been drawing. My doodles and sketches look like trash, and the stuff I DO create and finish is just not furry.
I've been gaming a lot more. Going through the Half Life Games (On Opposing Force right now, the first expansion, moving to Blue Shift after and then the HL2/EP1/EP2 games), and when I can, streaming the Mega Man Battle Network games. Only streamed once, but gonna get on that soon. Hopefully.
'Till next time!
My body didn't get the "Happy and Healthy" memo for the new year. I got to start it with a cold. The Thursday before I started coughing, Friday was annoying af as it got worse and a bit of sneezing followed. Saturday was brutal af and I wanted to die. Sunday was harsh as well and I just stayed in. Monday and Tuesday slowly got better but was still fully sick. Wednesday till Friday was manageable at work but I hated the year already.
I'm pretty much 95%. I always get a lingering cough and occasional sneeze and stuffy nose but some of that is just where I am.
My partner didn't fare as well either. We both planned to be together for the new year and got stuck home, sick, and miserable. They're still recovering, which I'm surprised at since usually I'm the one that takes forever to get better.
In other news, I got a Cricut and a Cricut EasyPress! I've got plans, and hopefully, I'll be putting them into motion soon! Gotta get the space for the tools :D
I've rarely been drawing. My doodles and sketches look like trash, and the stuff I DO create and finish is just not furry.
I've been gaming a lot more. Going through the Half Life Games (On Opposing Force right now, the first expansion, moving to Blue Shift after and then the HL2/EP1/EP2 games), and when I can, streaming the Mega Man Battle Network games. Only streamed once, but gonna get on that soon. Hopefully.
'Till next time!
Been a while + Some Thoughts
Posted a year agoLong time, no see!
It's been a long time, and it feels strange writing this all up! Currently, I'm sitting, chilling, and stoned, relaxing after being a bit sore and just having a long day of things to do!
So some stuff and some things to go over... TL;DR version at the end.
My Gallery/My Content/My Commissions
I'm expecting my gallery to remain as-is. Might move things to the scraps or finally learn how to use folders or something, just to keep it aside. I'm considering uploading stuff again, though more as a commissioner than an artist. I'll get into that in a moment. But as for the gallery, yeah, not expecting to delete and erase stuff. No real reason to, anyway! And I'll elaborate on posting things below...
As for my content - my artwork, music, any of my creations, it's kind of interesting. When I first joined this page under chaosdragon11590, I only ever did some digital art stuff, and eventually eased into furry. Kept going for a while but never could get a knack for consistent anatomy. If you looked at that, or any of my other pages with any art on them, you'll see that I always had massive amounts of inconsistency. Ok, I mean I was little proud of what I did, but sometimes, I felt like I was just an impostor and was no better than tracers/art thieves, even though I almost never traced. Hell, I didn't even like drawing over existing photos to try to understand the pose. Probably another reason I didn't really get better, since it wouldn't have been too bad doing that more, just to get a feel for what to draw but eh, don't need to make a longer ramble than I already am doing.
On one hand, I know this is an art site that leans towards the furry content. It's also an art site that is for adults, allowing sexually explicit things. It's a doubly steep uphill battle when the stuff I make isn't geared toward either of those demographics. Don't get me wrong! It's not like I can't post, so it's something I'm thinking about. And it's also not like I can't create things using other people's work - provided I've got permission! I've thought about making T-shirts and other apparel! That's up my alley, and I can certainly make more abstract visual design-inspired pieces. Collaborate with artists to create something good! Get back into more drawing and painting (digital or otherwise) and get back to my roots of coloring and shading, adding my backgrounds! ...Well before I do that, let's just see if I can get both my motivation back and get a good work habit first.
While I haven't done much with art lately, I've been poking around with music again, and also I've been more into development. I've got some fun projects in the works (also having slowed down due to life issues) and perhaps I can share that soon, too! I've spread the word already, but I don't want to keep pushing the projects until I make more progress in them.
Now while I'm not making much art, I have been commissioning art of my characters, and I'm certainly open to posting them! That said, I don't know if I'm going to look into changing up the name (can you even do it on this site? I forgot...) or just make a new account after all, whether I leave the gallery visible or not. Not sure what I'm doing but I'll at least try to show off how much of an art slut I've been. (Fuck being an art whore. I'm an art SLUT.) lol.
On the last episode of.... my life!
So the last time I posted anything here, it was March of last year for a Minecraft project but got stumped at making things work, and then one year before that though I felt something got messed up because I don't remember placing my (now obsolete) commission information with that name. Dunno. It's been a mess and I barely was keeping an eye on this page.
Since then, it's been a hell of a doozy. Got out of most of the annoying lockdown crap but of course, dealing with the "new normal" anywhere you go. Lots of things seem similar to before, and many more things seem very different. Cons, meets, just life, day to day. Bleh.
I've overall been fine. The same usual bouts of depression, ADHD (yeah, was officially diagnosed with that stuff at some time prior), and all sorts of other annoying things.
However, can't say the same for my mom. She's been doing better, but let's see...
A little over a year ago, she had gone in for a triple bypass surgery on her heart. There was a buildup of something (forgot what exactly) that increased her chances of stroke by 1% - small but still, that's 1 percent higher than I want it to be. She had a procedure done to fix an abdominal aneurysm a bit after that and had also needed to get a tube put into her side as one of her kidneys was dead, while the other barely functions. While she was recovering in rehab, it was discovered that she also had bladder cancer.
Fuck cancer.
Since then, she has been in and out of the hospital, in and out of treatment. For 6 weeks she was going in for chemo, and the mass, which started at about 5.3cm or so had shrunk down to two tiny spots. She was going through maintenance therapy, however, a later MRI found the cancer came back... nearly exactly twice as large. They used radiation therapy for that, and she's now on more chemo treatments every other week, in addition to all of her appointments.
I exhausted my FMLA on that and missed quite a bit of work, which so far, they have been reasonable with, thank god. But damn, has the lack of cash been difficult, and I had just gotten a promotion and a raise for my hard work. This has been absolute fucking hell for me, especially as I was getting out of a financial hole, only to fall back in.
Sometimes I want to scream.
I've actually been in and out of a relationship. Had ended (on good terms) one relationship at the beginning of lockdown, but during pride month, I ended up making things official with someone new! I am ace131484's boyfriend! :D They have been fantastic. I love them so much, and really appreciate what they've done for me... and the fact that they put up with my craziness... and all of my terrible dad jokes <3
Aaaa I wanna snug them now but bleh. That requires driving.
Oh right, and the most recent debacle? Most brakes start to make some noise when they're in need of changing. Mine decided to go from quiet to GRINDING. So yay, gonna be changing my brakes and rotors for the first time!
TL;DR
Life has been up and down. Been dealing with a lot of garbage, questioning if I'm gonna still be active here or no, but taking my W's when I can - such as falling in love with an amazing fox <3
Skipped over a lot, but eh, not writing a novel tonight! Perhaps I'll touch base again in the future! Until next time, see ya!
PS: Oh, one thing! I am active outside of FA! Mainly
@IndigoTheDragon and 
indydako! Feel free to DM me there if you want to chat! :D
It's been a long time, and it feels strange writing this all up! Currently, I'm sitting, chilling, and stoned, relaxing after being a bit sore and just having a long day of things to do!
So some stuff and some things to go over... TL;DR version at the end.
My Gallery/My Content/My Commissions
I'm expecting my gallery to remain as-is. Might move things to the scraps or finally learn how to use folders or something, just to keep it aside. I'm considering uploading stuff again, though more as a commissioner than an artist. I'll get into that in a moment. But as for the gallery, yeah, not expecting to delete and erase stuff. No real reason to, anyway! And I'll elaborate on posting things below...
As for my content - my artwork, music, any of my creations, it's kind of interesting. When I first joined this page under chaosdragon11590, I only ever did some digital art stuff, and eventually eased into furry. Kept going for a while but never could get a knack for consistent anatomy. If you looked at that, or any of my other pages with any art on them, you'll see that I always had massive amounts of inconsistency. Ok, I mean I was little proud of what I did, but sometimes, I felt like I was just an impostor and was no better than tracers/art thieves, even though I almost never traced. Hell, I didn't even like drawing over existing photos to try to understand the pose. Probably another reason I didn't really get better, since it wouldn't have been too bad doing that more, just to get a feel for what to draw but eh, don't need to make a longer ramble than I already am doing.
On one hand, I know this is an art site that leans towards the furry content. It's also an art site that is for adults, allowing sexually explicit things. It's a doubly steep uphill battle when the stuff I make isn't geared toward either of those demographics. Don't get me wrong! It's not like I can't post, so it's something I'm thinking about. And it's also not like I can't create things using other people's work - provided I've got permission! I've thought about making T-shirts and other apparel! That's up my alley, and I can certainly make more abstract visual design-inspired pieces. Collaborate with artists to create something good! Get back into more drawing and painting (digital or otherwise) and get back to my roots of coloring and shading, adding my backgrounds! ...Well before I do that, let's just see if I can get both my motivation back and get a good work habit first.
While I haven't done much with art lately, I've been poking around with music again, and also I've been more into development. I've got some fun projects in the works (also having slowed down due to life issues) and perhaps I can share that soon, too! I've spread the word already, but I don't want to keep pushing the projects until I make more progress in them.
Now while I'm not making much art, I have been commissioning art of my characters, and I'm certainly open to posting them! That said, I don't know if I'm going to look into changing up the name (can you even do it on this site? I forgot...) or just make a new account after all, whether I leave the gallery visible or not. Not sure what I'm doing but I'll at least try to show off how much of an art slut I've been. (Fuck being an art whore. I'm an art SLUT.) lol.
On the last episode of.... my life!
So the last time I posted anything here, it was March of last year for a Minecraft project but got stumped at making things work, and then one year before that though I felt something got messed up because I don't remember placing my (now obsolete) commission information with that name. Dunno. It's been a mess and I barely was keeping an eye on this page.
Since then, it's been a hell of a doozy. Got out of most of the annoying lockdown crap but of course, dealing with the "new normal" anywhere you go. Lots of things seem similar to before, and many more things seem very different. Cons, meets, just life, day to day. Bleh.
I've overall been fine. The same usual bouts of depression, ADHD (yeah, was officially diagnosed with that stuff at some time prior), and all sorts of other annoying things.
However, can't say the same for my mom. She's been doing better, but let's see...
A little over a year ago, she had gone in for a triple bypass surgery on her heart. There was a buildup of something (forgot what exactly) that increased her chances of stroke by 1% - small but still, that's 1 percent higher than I want it to be. She had a procedure done to fix an abdominal aneurysm a bit after that and had also needed to get a tube put into her side as one of her kidneys was dead, while the other barely functions. While she was recovering in rehab, it was discovered that she also had bladder cancer.
Fuck cancer.
Since then, she has been in and out of the hospital, in and out of treatment. For 6 weeks she was going in for chemo, and the mass, which started at about 5.3cm or so had shrunk down to two tiny spots. She was going through maintenance therapy, however, a later MRI found the cancer came back... nearly exactly twice as large. They used radiation therapy for that, and she's now on more chemo treatments every other week, in addition to all of her appointments.
I exhausted my FMLA on that and missed quite a bit of work, which so far, they have been reasonable with, thank god. But damn, has the lack of cash been difficult, and I had just gotten a promotion and a raise for my hard work. This has been absolute fucking hell for me, especially as I was getting out of a financial hole, only to fall back in.
Sometimes I want to scream.
I've actually been in and out of a relationship. Had ended (on good terms) one relationship at the beginning of lockdown, but during pride month, I ended up making things official with someone new! I am ace131484's boyfriend! :D They have been fantastic. I love them so much, and really appreciate what they've done for me... and the fact that they put up with my craziness... and all of my terrible dad jokes <3
Aaaa I wanna snug them now but bleh. That requires driving.
Oh right, and the most recent debacle? Most brakes start to make some noise when they're in need of changing. Mine decided to go from quiet to GRINDING. So yay, gonna be changing my brakes and rotors for the first time!
TL;DR
Life has been up and down. Been dealing with a lot of garbage, questioning if I'm gonna still be active here or no, but taking my W's when I can - such as falling in love with an amazing fox <3
Skipped over a lot, but eh, not writing a novel tonight! Perhaps I'll touch base again in the future! Until next time, see ya!
PS: Oh, one thing! I am active outside of FA! Mainly
@IndigoTheDragon and 
indydako! Feel free to DM me there if you want to chat! :DMinecraft, but it's America's Game
Posted 4 years agoStill alive!
Posted 5 years agoNew 2020 Pricing
*These are guidelines for pricing. Message http://t.me/zelworks for an exact quote!
-- BASE PRICES --
SKETCHES:
Rough: $10 - $20
Clean: $15 - $40
LINES: $40 - $100
-- ADDONS --
COLORS:
Flats: $20 - $30
w/ shading: $25 - $80
BACKGROUND:
Basic: $20 - $30
Detailed: $30 - $150
ADDITIONAL CHARACTERS: case-by-case, ask for a quote
Quotes in excess of $100.00 MAY BE eligible for split payments
-- TOS --
COMMISSION UPDATES: Commission updates will be communicated to the client typically no farther than 1-2 weeks out, and will usually be provided upon any milestones on the piece (first draft, second drafts, inking drafts, colors, etc), which will usually be much sooner. While every effort will be made, exceptions may be made due to contending with matters outside of reasonable scope (i.e. natural disaster, personal health emergencies, etc).
PAYMENT, START OF WORK: Work on a commission will not be guaranteed until payment is received. Payment will be remitted once a PayPal invoice is emailed to the client. Quotes in excess of $100.00 are eligible for payment installments, on a case-by-case basis. Exceptions to this policy are on a case-by-case basis, and only if both parties agree upon this. Commissions will generally be worked on in the order it was received. Exceptions may be made in the situations of large-scale pieces - this is to both prevent burnout, and to maintain a decent workflow and is determined at my discretion.
CANCELLATION, REFUNDS: The client has the right to cancel their commission at any time, for any reason. A reason is not required to be provided but appreciated. Canceled commissions may or may not be eligible for a refund, and is determined based on the amount of work completed up to the point of the communicated request to cancel; a commission not yet started would be eligible for a full refund, but a commission for a lined and colored piece that has a sketch completed and the lining stage was started would only be eligible for a refund about half, as about half of the work is done. The client is entitled to the incomplete piece if one is available.
PRODUCT INFORMATION: For digital-only commissions, the client is commissioning for the time and effort to produce a finished piece of art to the client's specifications. The finished piece will be high-resolution (defined as typically a 300-400dpi document averaging 3000x3000px in digital format, but can vary). Source files are not provided to the client but can be discussed. Commonly, delivery is handled through telegram which can also provide a lower-resolution digital-ready piece, but on request, one can be generated if the client is not receiving the finished work through Telegram. For commissions that result in a physical piece, the client will receive the finished piece via mail or in-person hand-off and will be whatever is decided on - be it a print, canvas piece, or otherwise. The product will be described and represented accordingly and expectations should be based on the piece being bought.
RETENTION AND ARCHIVE OF COMMISSIONS: It is expected a client will assume responsibility for the commission once it is turned over to them in some way (via file transfer, email, physical handoff, mail, etc) and as such no expectation of commission retention should be made of the artist. Reasonable attempts will be made to retain the source file(s) of a commission, completed or incomplete for at minimum for one year but can be longer. This includes but is not limited to reference files, project and reference files (.sai, .psd, other image and miscellaneous files, text files with snippets of discussions, etc). A "reasonable attempt" is considered at minimum 2 locations of storage which may or may not include the device in which the media was created on, and an additional separate storage media, i.e. SD card, external hard drive, cloud storage, etc. Although a reasonable attempt to retain data will be made, again, the artist is not responsible for the media once the handoff, digital or tangible, has been made. It is strongly suggested the client maintains a backup of any commission handed off to them to ensure they do not lose their piece.
REVISIONS: Every attempt will be made to satisfy the client's specifications the first time. Unfortunately, it's understood that this is not always the ideal turnout. Every effort to communicate with each stage of the commission will be made to minimize the chances of wasting the client's or artist's valuable time. Revisions are eligible on artwork at any point during these communications, up until the final proof. As long as these revisions are reasonable, they can be accommodated at no additional charge. In situations that a revision will be significant in nature, a quote may be provided to compensate for the additional work. Examples can include changing an entire pose, adding/removing characters, picking add-ons (i.e. a client decided that they want to add shading to their original flat-colored commission only), etc. The quote will be reasonable and based on the guidelines set forth in the pricing guide.
*These are guidelines for pricing. Message http://t.me/zelworks for an exact quote!
-- BASE PRICES --
SKETCHES:
Rough: $10 - $20
Clean: $15 - $40
LINES: $40 - $100
-- ADDONS --
COLORS:
Flats: $20 - $30
w/ shading: $25 - $80
BACKGROUND:
Basic: $20 - $30
Detailed: $30 - $150
ADDITIONAL CHARACTERS: case-by-case, ask for a quote
Quotes in excess of $100.00 MAY BE eligible for split payments
-- TOS --
COMMISSION UPDATES: Commission updates will be communicated to the client typically no farther than 1-2 weeks out, and will usually be provided upon any milestones on the piece (first draft, second drafts, inking drafts, colors, etc), which will usually be much sooner. While every effort will be made, exceptions may be made due to contending with matters outside of reasonable scope (i.e. natural disaster, personal health emergencies, etc).
PAYMENT, START OF WORK: Work on a commission will not be guaranteed until payment is received. Payment will be remitted once a PayPal invoice is emailed to the client. Quotes in excess of $100.00 are eligible for payment installments, on a case-by-case basis. Exceptions to this policy are on a case-by-case basis, and only if both parties agree upon this. Commissions will generally be worked on in the order it was received. Exceptions may be made in the situations of large-scale pieces - this is to both prevent burnout, and to maintain a decent workflow and is determined at my discretion.
CANCELLATION, REFUNDS: The client has the right to cancel their commission at any time, for any reason. A reason is not required to be provided but appreciated. Canceled commissions may or may not be eligible for a refund, and is determined based on the amount of work completed up to the point of the communicated request to cancel; a commission not yet started would be eligible for a full refund, but a commission for a lined and colored piece that has a sketch completed and the lining stage was started would only be eligible for a refund about half, as about half of the work is done. The client is entitled to the incomplete piece if one is available.
PRODUCT INFORMATION: For digital-only commissions, the client is commissioning for the time and effort to produce a finished piece of art to the client's specifications. The finished piece will be high-resolution (defined as typically a 300-400dpi document averaging 3000x3000px in digital format, but can vary). Source files are not provided to the client but can be discussed. Commonly, delivery is handled through telegram which can also provide a lower-resolution digital-ready piece, but on request, one can be generated if the client is not receiving the finished work through Telegram. For commissions that result in a physical piece, the client will receive the finished piece via mail or in-person hand-off and will be whatever is decided on - be it a print, canvas piece, or otherwise. The product will be described and represented accordingly and expectations should be based on the piece being bought.
RETENTION AND ARCHIVE OF COMMISSIONS: It is expected a client will assume responsibility for the commission once it is turned over to them in some way (via file transfer, email, physical handoff, mail, etc) and as such no expectation of commission retention should be made of the artist. Reasonable attempts will be made to retain the source file(s) of a commission, completed or incomplete for at minimum for one year but can be longer. This includes but is not limited to reference files, project and reference files (.sai, .psd, other image and miscellaneous files, text files with snippets of discussions, etc). A "reasonable attempt" is considered at minimum 2 locations of storage which may or may not include the device in which the media was created on, and an additional separate storage media, i.e. SD card, external hard drive, cloud storage, etc. Although a reasonable attempt to retain data will be made, again, the artist is not responsible for the media once the handoff, digital or tangible, has been made. It is strongly suggested the client maintains a backup of any commission handed off to them to ensure they do not lose their piece.
REVISIONS: Every attempt will be made to satisfy the client's specifications the first time. Unfortunately, it's understood that this is not always the ideal turnout. Every effort to communicate with each stage of the commission will be made to minimize the chances of wasting the client's or artist's valuable time. Revisions are eligible on artwork at any point during these communications, up until the final proof. As long as these revisions are reasonable, they can be accommodated at no additional charge. In situations that a revision will be significant in nature, a quote may be provided to compensate for the additional work. Examples can include changing an entire pose, adding/removing characters, picking add-ons (i.e. a client decided that they want to add shading to their original flat-colored commission only), etc. The quote will be reasonable and based on the guidelines set forth in the pricing guide.