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~BurningJackal
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Comments Made: 225
Journals: 1
Recent Journal
New Years Reflection: 2023 - Barely hanging on
5 months ago
So, yet another year is getting close to its end now. Usually for new years I draw a piece with a theme that represents the year from my own perspective, along with also sharing a few of my thoughts (or ramblings) in regards to it. However, I haven’t gotten around to drawing anything for this year's new year, so a journal will have to do.
At first I thought that I would have had a hard time figuring out what the overall theme would be for the year.
At first I thought of a theme that had to do with something that occurred to me during the last month or two, and how I had stopped myself from making what would have likely been a mistake. It seemed to be something nice to end the year with: A lesson learned about my reactions to obstacles and how I should deal with them.
But somehow it also just seemed wrong...
Perhaps it was a worry that I was affected by recency bias (and rightfully so), or the fact that it only covered the very end of the year, not all of it. But I decided to push that first idea aside and dig a little deeper for anything that could better characterise the year.
And instead I found a nagging sensation.
This nagging feeling... Or realisation... That I am barely hanging on...
I’m struggling to live my own everyday life. My routines deteriorate. Connections breaking down. All while I am trying desperately to hold myself together.
Hell, it feels like I am barely holding on, and that if I don’t do anything soon, then all hell will break loose...
I worry that I don’t know how to fight this. Don’t know how I can take back control over my life and pull myself back up again. I don’t know if I even have the will to do it. How can I not doubt myself given how much I have struggled with it not just this year, but all these years.
I’m uncertain on how I can move forward from this, all that I know is that I must. Right now my hope is that admitting all this to myself like this helps bring it to my full attention. For I am starting to feel desperate...
...
Perhaps I need to be more intentional about my time... Or perhaps my focus has been all wrong throughout the year... Maybe there are some things that I can still try in the new year, but we will see about that. Hmm...
Anyway! Happy new year to you all! ^^'
I hope that your guys’ year could be categorised by something a little bit more positive
And here’s to the new year~!
At first I thought that I would have had a hard time figuring out what the overall theme would be for the year.
At first I thought of a theme that had to do with something that occurred to me during the last month or two, and how I had stopped myself from making what would have likely been a mistake. It seemed to be something nice to end the year with: A lesson learned about my reactions to obstacles and how I should deal with them.
But somehow it also just seemed wrong...
Perhaps it was a worry that I was affected by recency bias (and rightfully so), or the fact that it only covered the very end of the year, not all of it. But I decided to push that first idea aside and dig a little deeper for anything that could better characterise the year.
And instead I found a nagging sensation.
This nagging feeling... Or realisation... That I am barely hanging on...
I’m struggling to live my own everyday life. My routines deteriorate. Connections breaking down. All while I am trying desperately to hold myself together.
Hell, it feels like I am barely holding on, and that if I don’t do anything soon, then all hell will break loose...
I worry that I don’t know how to fight this. Don’t know how I can take back control over my life and pull myself back up again. I don’t know if I even have the will to do it. How can I not doubt myself given how much I have struggled with it not just this year, but all these years.
I’m uncertain on how I can move forward from this, all that I know is that I must. Right now my hope is that admitting all this to myself like this helps bring it to my full attention. For I am starting to feel desperate...
...
Perhaps I need to be more intentional about my time... Or perhaps my focus has been all wrong throughout the year... Maybe there are some things that I can still try in the new year, but we will see about that. Hmm...
Anyway! Happy new year to you all! ^^'
I hope that your guys’ year could be categorised by something a little bit more positive
And here’s to the new year~!
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