Hey all

Firstly I want to apologies for my last 2 journals and completely wiping my page and putting those horrible things about myself. In case people don't realize, I am really not well or in a good place, and I had a massive breakdown.

I want to take the time to explain why I had a breakdown.

Up until a few months ago this year has been great for me, I got to go to The Gambia and also to Madagascar to work with Nile crocodiles for 6 weeks, I really felt alive.

Since getting back though, my life has just come crashing down around me. My Grandad became very ill and he passed away not long ago. Not long after that my dad starting to get ill again, he has a history of heart problems and has had 4 heart attacks and bypasses. Basically he needs a new heart.

This has really caused my depression to act up and its caused me to push my friends away.

I broke up with my boyfriend and have been betrayed by someone I considered a close friend. I wont go into details but if you are reading this right now, and I know that you will be. What you did to me is unforgivable, people like you is whats wrong with this fandom.

You pretend you care, but all you do is manipulate vulnerable people. You absolutely fucking disgust me and I never want to see your face again. You know who you are. You are lucky I don't name and shame you, because I should!

Anyway, after all that, my dad was taken into hospital on Tuesday and it turns out he has Endocarditis, which is an infection in his heart valve and I have no idea whats going to happen. It can take 6 weeks to be treated but he is seriously ill and I don't know if hes going to make it...

But I need to stay strong, I need to pull this knife out of my back and throw it to one side. I need to keep strong for my family and I need to just keep active and not run away and hide myself away for people.

I'm incredibly broken and its going to take a long time to heal and I have so much going on now. I just want this year to end and for everything to be OK again.

I have decided to make a new account to give me that feeling of starting new. I never liked my username being Commandertaneshepard anyway. It was from my fursona from a long time ago.

I am still Tane the crocodile but my new account is  Tane_Neox

Anyway I just wanted to explain what was going on now that I have managed to get a grip on things.

Thankyou

Tane