Hey folks. It's been a while since I've made any sort of update post, but in light of recent events, I thought this would be an opportune chance to share my thoughts and maybe clear up any confusion.

I am the original artist for Stareaters, the first of the 8 races that would eventually be known collectively as Stardragons. While it was a solo endeavor for a short time, Stardragons eventually became a group project between myself and 2 others. Without their contributions for lore, design, community management, and an endless list of other responsibilities, Stardragons would never have seen such popularity and success.

Anyone who was around at the time of my leave has likely pieced together the obvious: there was a falling out. The hurt runs deep on both sides, and I don’t know what, if anything, has been said regarding the matter in my absence, but I have no plans to share the interpersonal details regarding the ordeal.

I will say, however, I was the problem. I would pitch ideas and offer to take on new projects, only to abandon them shortly after. My anxiety constantly had me questioning everyone's decision making, dreading what might happen if we did something “unpopular” or made too many high rarity designs, or charged too much for auctions. On top of all this, I simply wasn’t around that much, as I had a full time job.

So, imagine dealing with that type of person at work: Abandons half finished projects, impedes all decision making, and isn’t even around to resolve issues. I was a nightmare to work with and the Gemex crew was absolutely right to tell me “you’re hurting us and you’re hurting the community. Don’t come back until you’ve gotten help.”

Grief-stricken as I was, they made the right call. I stepped back, got a therapist, saw a psychiatrist, and months later, found out that it wasn't, in fact, normal to swing wildly between weeks of sleeping for 12 hours at a time between 10 hour depression naps, then suddenly take on dozens of projects and make promises I simply wasn't capable of keeping. Surprise! Undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I'm medicated for it now and doing much better.

Having finally pulled myself together, I sought to return to Stardragons, but as I saw my name being removed from credits, and changes being made to the race without my knowing, I realized I was not welcome back. I was heartbroken, and honestly, very bitter, considering I’d poured 7 years of my life into Stardragons only to become little more than a footnote.

Still, from the outside, it seemed things were still operating smoothly. I saw beautiful batches being posted regularly, and the MYO events ran, birthing even more gorgeous designs. I accepted that, if I truly cared about Stardragons, then sitting on the sidelines and cheering them on from afar would have to suffice.

Until last year, that is, when I heard that things were not going well. The Mods were miserable, there was unrest in the community. Unfortunately, to make any attempt to step in would only be viewed as an act of aggression or attempt to usurp the current Gemex team. It was heart wrenching to watch it all come crumbling down on everyone involved. I know it sounds cheesy, but I only ever wanted Stardragons to make people as happy as they made me, and I couldn’t believe these fuzzy little sparkle dragons were causing such distress.

Eventually, word came to me that Stardragons would simply be put to rest, and, while it broke my heart, again, I couldn’t contest this. Ultimately, if this was the only way to bring anyone peace, then I would have to accept this too.

But now I find out, through the grapevine, that they are being thrown to the wind. Not even a note or a third party individual was sent my way to inform me, and it stings, but I imagine it seems well deserved.

Still, if I’d known, and if I had been given the opportunity, I would have loved to step in again and see what could be done to help. Perhaps the team is correct, and there is nothing that can mend what has happened to Stardragons. Either way, the decision has been made, and so I can only say this:

You all have my blessing, and my highest hopes, but please, please be good to Stardragons. They are a product of love, slowly crafted over the past decade. I will continue making Stardragon designs for… forever, most likely, because there is so very much I love about them. I hope they will continue to encourage creativity in the lives of those who still hold them dear, as I do.

And finally: thank you to the community. Stardragons prospered because of you. YOU offered your real life money to fund our dreams. YOU posted your designs out into the world and, in doing so, advertised for us. YOU inspired us as much as I hope we inspired you. And YOU are the reason I wanted to keep improving as an artist, so I could offer you only the very best I could. Thank you. <3

Edit: If you would like to comment on this journal for w/e reason, please do so here -> rynies. Thanks!

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