Dear FA,

It has been way, way too long since I gave any kind of update.

The past year has been really, really tough. It seems like I have said that year after year for the past goodness knows how long. It seems like I am going through a real bad patch in my life and it's exhausting.

It's been a rollercoaster. There have been good times and bad times... and worse times.

I don't really like to come here and moan about it, but it has severely affected a lot of my personal life and my outlook. I find I am pretty bipolar a lot of the time. As most of you know, I suffer clinical depression and it's sometimes a struggle to deal with everyday stuff that most people find a breeze. Sometimes, I become so depressed that for days or weeks I find it hard enough to get out of bed each morning. I still do, though - I hold down a job that's long days and stressful a lot of the time, given that my role carries a ton of pressure. I have also been dealing with some family drama which is about as bad as you can imagine.

I have found that, whilst my career progression has been steady over the last 5 years, it's sapped all of my time and energy for most things in my life outside of work. My art and music have taken a back seat, as well as any social life, which is so difficult. I feel like I have been "out of the game" for so long now that I put huge amounts of pressure on myself to produce anything acceptable (to me, at least). I also find I come home pretty late most nights during the week, and by the time I get to the weekend I have all the usual boring stuff to do like housework and cooking. I try to get out of work on time but it's a real battle most days. I end up having to stay back up to 2 or more hours after I am supposed to leave, and I do not get paid for it. It would be logical not to stay in light of that factor, but it's a different story when you're just expected to stay anyway to support something that's going on last minute. It's like being held hostage emotionally because you look bad when you just up and leave.

I just took a week's paid leave, so I have been trying to get back in touch with my own stuff. I successfully recorded a track in that time, although a recent bad cold the week before has left my voice kind of "meh". None the less, I wanted to complete something, so I did. I also picked up my tablet after months and sketched something out which was nice. Unfortunately, I had a bit of a falling out with my now ex "boyfriend" (complicated... too bloody complicated...) midweek so that's kind of got me down (understatement!). It's sometimes either a curse of a blessing to be depressed in terms of creativity. The motivation is either non-existent, or I suddenly throw myself into music fuelled by wanting to express or distract myself for several days straight.

I do try to keep up with FA at least on my art account. I have neglected this account for several months now (maybe 6?). It sucks... I feel detached from FA these days, as I don't have anything much to contribute. I do miss the times when I was more engaged. I do still care about people and I keep tabs on them quietly, but it's not quite the same.

In other, more positive news...

I was invited to be part of a project by Fox Amoore and PepperCoyote. They have written/recorded a Broadway style album which partners with this year's theme for Biggest Little Fur Con. It was a blast to work with these guys, as always, but it was also really fun to do something very different in terms of the genres involved. As always I wasn't sure my voice would fit in, but I think it's actually ok. I can't wait for the tracks to start being shared online as they are very well done and everyone involved should be proud of what they're contributed to it. If interested, keep an ear out for tweets from @ BiggestLittleFC or from @ FoxAmoore as they are going to be giving updates.

I also provided some voice acting for the next episode of Kaze: Ghost Warrior. I always enjoy these opportunities to do voice acting and it's been fun as always. I am unsure of the release date, but when I have something, I can share it.

As always - I really hope you guys are doing good! I hope this year is better for a lot of people. It's been a bit of a mixed bag already.

Thanks for reading this! Take care of yourselves,

~ Lily