So I figured while I'm here I'd write a thing.
I know I don't need to explain why I've been off the grid for a long time, but I guess I just feel like it right now. This journal is more for me than anyone else, but why not post it to the www and see what people say about it?!

I've been kind of busy growing up and crap over the past few years. I've found it hard enough to find time to make my art, let alone find the time to hurdle over that barrier of anxiety I have every time I go to post something I've made. i hate that I'm so sensitive about my artwork. It has to be perfect before I can post it anywhere, and it kills me. If I forget one little detail its like, HOLY SHIT I need to fix it now! Like, with the ref I just posted I forgot to put a copyright or SOMETHING indicating that I did it, and got briefly horrified. It's almost laughable, it's not even me. BUT it IS a much less-significant horrified now compared to the years past, and I have been posting more on Facebook recently.

So I have stacks of artwork that like, only I've seen, or a few close friends have seen. I'd really like to post more somewhere, and for some things i draw, like furry things, I just don't feel comfortable posting it on my business Facebook for like, my family and non-furry friends, maybe even a coworker to see. Like my non-furry friends are ok with it and everything, but I know how I feel when i see a cringey weeaboo video or drawing and wonder; is that what they think every time I post my stuff on here? HAHAHA... Awww... Also my art is pretty dark so i can imagine for a normal person that is probably a pretty weird combo.

Anyway a big reason why I've been quiet, other than working a full-time job, is that I've been afraid that some asshole is gunna leave a negative comment on one of my posts and ruin my day... week... year maybe, probably just because they're feeling shitty about themselves for the moment. And I feel like the fear that I feel at this point is mostly just because that has happened to me before, like I'm sure it's happened to all of you artists out there, and not so much because a past experience is still haunting me in the way that I think the experience over in my head and my heart drops kinda thing. When I think of it now, it doesn't bother me quite as much, ya know what I mean? That probably doesn't make sense.

SO the reason why I am here now on this trash heap of a website is that I think I have more confidence in my work now. I've been working on my anxiety, HARD. I'm so much better than I used to be, and I take the time now when I am anxious to realize that it's just my stupid little lizard brain, and things really aren't a big deal. SO what if someone doesn't like my stuff?? There's always going to be people who don't!

Anyway this isn't a huge "I'M BACK!" message or anything like that. I can't guarantee I'll be back even after this post, but for now I think I will be back sometimes at least. I have to post this shit somewhere!

I hope you enjoyed my rant thing. If you made it this far, you get a gold star! *pukes*

-Spit