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A story that tluthal asked us to post for some critique.
Rip this apart please! I'd love to hear any critique. Any questions, any comments... as long as they're polite, constructive criticisms are welcome. Thanks for reading! Images of the main character are scattered throughout my gallery, or you can check This journal.
NOTE: If there is a work that you want us to post, send us a note and we'll feature your work ^^
EDIT: My bad on the title miss spelling. -Jaxedge
Rip this apart please! I'd love to hear any critique. Any questions, any comments... as long as they're polite, constructive criticisms are welcome. Thanks for reading! Images of the main character are scattered throughout my gallery, or you can check This journal.
NOTE: If there is a work that you want us to post, send us a note and we'll feature your work ^^
EDIT: My bad on the title miss spelling. -Jaxedge
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 50 x 50px
It was all right. Not normally the type of story I'd read, but I skimmed over it. My few complaints about it would be:
1: That I had to download the file in order to read it. Let's face reality: FA is primarily used for art, with stories, music, and poetry falling somewhere afterward. And it is my belief that the best way to get others to read your story at all is to put it in a more convenient context for reading. And me having to click on the 'download' icon isn't it. If I like the story enough after reading it directly from FA, then maybe I'll download it, but I tend to avoid downloading any file on FA unless I have a reason to do so.
2: Everything is too crammed together. There is no true paragraph break, so the words tend to run in a massive pile that just gives me a headache to have to read. (Thus the skimming.)
3: I spotted several typos scattered throughout and I lean more toward a perfectionist goal when it comes to that sort of thing in my own writing. Granted, even with editing I could possibly have a couple typos, but if they're pointed out to me, I'd go back and correct 'em. I've been labeled a "Grammar Nazi" before and take it as a compliment.
1: That I had to download the file in order to read it. Let's face reality: FA is primarily used for art, with stories, music, and poetry falling somewhere afterward. And it is my belief that the best way to get others to read your story at all is to put it in a more convenient context for reading. And me having to click on the 'download' icon isn't it. If I like the story enough after reading it directly from FA, then maybe I'll download it, but I tend to avoid downloading any file on FA unless I have a reason to do so.
2: Everything is too crammed together. There is no true paragraph break, so the words tend to run in a massive pile that just gives me a headache to have to read. (Thus the skimming.)
3: I spotted several typos scattered throughout and I lean more toward a perfectionist goal when it comes to that sort of thing in my own writing. Granted, even with editing I could possibly have a couple typos, but if they're pointed out to me, I'd go back and correct 'em. I've been labeled a "Grammar Nazi" before and take it as a compliment.
1: The only format FA will display on it's own is .txt - unformatted text, which would make the spacing even worse. I've tried using .txt before, it's a royal pain in the ass, because it doesn't allow for indention, meaning the only form of breaking up would be a line between and another block of text.
2: Let me grab a regular old book, how about Kushiel's Mercy. Same type of spacing, which is single spacing throughout. This is how it looks in a regular book so I don't see a problem with it, as each paragraph was indented.
3: I ran the story through spell check, through my own gauntlet, and it was graded by a teacher, as the story started out an assignment, with only one correction - which was fixxed in this version. (Awakened was originally wakened.) Your 'typos' are either a different, but legitimate, spelling (such as "Adolph"), or the names being made up (such as "Kitrai," "Chetroth," and "Lyrona").
2: Let me grab a regular old book, how about Kushiel's Mercy. Same type of spacing, which is single spacing throughout. This is how it looks in a regular book so I don't see a problem with it, as each paragraph was indented.
3: I ran the story through spell check, through my own gauntlet, and it was graded by a teacher, as the story started out an assignment, with only one correction - which was fixxed in this version. (Awakened was originally wakened.) Your 'typos' are either a different, but legitimate, spelling (such as "Adolph"), or the names being made up (such as "Kitrai," "Chetroth," and "Lyrona").
Hey, you asked for critique, regardless of whether or not it involved 'ripping the story apart.'
I'm just giving what ya asked for.
I'm just giving what ya asked for.
Well let me see here... Number one completely contradicts number two.
Number two, an indention is usually considered sufficient paragraph break so I consider it a moot point.
Number three? Again, it was run through me, through a teacher, and also through peer editing in the class. With only one correction made. I'm pretty sure, if there was a typo, it would have been found by that, therefore any 'typos' are actually deliberate, either an alternate spelling or a made-up name.
Number two, an indention is usually considered sufficient paragraph break so I consider it a moot point.
Number three? Again, it was run through me, through a teacher, and also through peer editing in the class. With only one correction made. I'm pretty sure, if there was a typo, it would have been found by that, therefore any 'typos' are actually deliberate, either an alternate spelling or a made-up name.
If you say so. Just sounds like ya can't take the heat after asking for 'critiquing.' *shrugs*
I'll be sure not to do it the next time you ask for one.
I'll be sure not to do it the next time you ask for one.
No, what it is is I find your "critique" to be irrelevant, not to mention self-contradictory.
You weren't really giving any valid critiquing.
Also, one cannot give proper critique when they only "skim" through what they're critiquing, especially in writings.
And I also skimmed through the story and found the only thing that could've been done different is adding an extra line-break between paragraphs, which would have made the "clumping" go away.
Finally, complaining about having to download it is really a lame complaint. You never had to download it in the first place, so that's your own damage. If it was that much of a hassle to download a TINY file, then you shouldn't have done it in the first place.
I suggest you get off your high-horse, take that stick out of your ass and chill the fuck out. (direct response to: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/.....8/#cid:6062345 )
Also, one cannot give proper critique when they only "skim" through what they're critiquing, especially in writings.
And I also skimmed through the story and found the only thing that could've been done different is adding an extra line-break between paragraphs, which would have made the "clumping" go away.
Finally, complaining about having to download it is really a lame complaint. You never had to download it in the first place, so that's your own damage. If it was that much of a hassle to download a TINY file, then you shouldn't have done it in the first place.
I suggest you get off your high-horse, take that stick out of your ass and chill the fuck out. (direct response to: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/.....8/#cid:6062345 )
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