Its Father's Day.
A time where people are supposed to be happy, celebrating their father's life.
For some like me, all we were left was devastation and heartache. An eternal burning hatred that sits in the back of the head and heart, something so filthy and destructive. You watch as you grow older, how things could have been. You begin to loathe seeing a father with their son or daughter. Then it ebbs away at you like a stormy wake, where it burdens you even to think about it. You shed a tear as you destroy the things around you, so angry at what you never had. For one, I will never experience a father's love. I have a stepdad, that taught me nothing but ignorance and hurt. I want to scream, all around me I see those with loving families, not broken like my own. Its not a scream of want, but pure hate. My father, the donor into my existence was the first person to show me what pain was. In my life, i've had to make up my own father figures, out of tv images, music, films, the lessons I was taught came from my mother mostly. Reject trust, remain alert, remain vigilant as the whole world is your enemy. I learned quickly how to defend myself, to attack, to stay alive. To keep my paws burning with the will to fight and the warriors heart deep inside me.
I look at others, still to this day. Perhaps a twinge of jealousy when my emotions get the better of me...
Why did you hate me so? Why were you never there...
Why was your first instinct to try and destroy my life.
I look out at the ruins, the fires you left behind.
Its all you ever left me...
A deep, burning hateful mind that had destroyed my life.
You left me insanity, psychosis, pain, depression, anxiety, a drive to hurt others like you hurt me.
Rebuilding my life out of ashen earth is harder than I thought.
Thrasher ©
Art ©
A time where people are supposed to be happy, celebrating their father's life.
For some like me, all we were left was devastation and heartache. An eternal burning hatred that sits in the back of the head and heart, something so filthy and destructive. You watch as you grow older, how things could have been. You begin to loathe seeing a father with their son or daughter. Then it ebbs away at you like a stormy wake, where it burdens you even to think about it. You shed a tear as you destroy the things around you, so angry at what you never had. For one, I will never experience a father's love. I have a stepdad, that taught me nothing but ignorance and hurt. I want to scream, all around me I see those with loving families, not broken like my own. Its not a scream of want, but pure hate. My father, the donor into my existence was the first person to show me what pain was. In my life, i've had to make up my own father figures, out of tv images, music, films, the lessons I was taught came from my mother mostly. Reject trust, remain alert, remain vigilant as the whole world is your enemy. I learned quickly how to defend myself, to attack, to stay alive. To keep my paws burning with the will to fight and the warriors heart deep inside me.
I look at others, still to this day. Perhaps a twinge of jealousy when my emotions get the better of me...
Why did you hate me so? Why were you never there...
Why was your first instinct to try and destroy my life.
I look out at the ruins, the fires you left behind.
Its all you ever left me...
A deep, burning hateful mind that had destroyed my life.
You left me insanity, psychosis, pain, depression, anxiety, a drive to hurt others like you hurt me.
Rebuilding my life out of ashen earth is harder than I thought.
Thrasher ©
Art ©
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 1280 x 1280px
-hugs- i know exactly how you feel. my real dad was an abusive prick. we got away form it, but the scars from that time in my life will never fade, i've spent years of my life being terrified of my real father, of my step dad, its just a vicious cycle i'm never sure if im safe around him.
im 25 (about to be 26) this stuff never goes away the pain never truly heals, we just learn how to cope.
i wish i had learned to have a Fighters spirit & heart like you, i've spent my life living in fear of most of the men i meet. Stay Strong, we may only have ashes to build from but at least we've grown stronger and now we have a chance to stop it form happening again.(i may not be strong enough to fight back much but i also wont lay down and take it ether)
[sorry for the "emotional" comment or if i seem like im bitching, i dont comment much outta fear of not know what to say or upsetting people.] [you can delete my comment if you like.]
im 25 (about to be 26) this stuff never goes away the pain never truly heals, we just learn how to cope.
i wish i had learned to have a Fighters spirit & heart like you, i've spent my life living in fear of most of the men i meet. Stay Strong, we may only have ashes to build from but at least we've grown stronger and now we have a chance to stop it form happening again.(i may not be strong enough to fight back much but i also wont lay down and take it ether)
[sorry for the "emotional" comment or if i seem like im bitching, i dont comment much outta fear of not know what to say or upsetting people.] [you can delete my comment if you like.]
This pic can't help but make me get serious for a moment.
I have a father who's still here, and always was here. He was eternally supportive; still is. He's my only parent left so I'm going to enjoy him all the more while I can.
But believe me, Thrasher, I'm not gloating. There's plenty I can't love that others insist I must. Have you ever felt you've lived in a world which is full of people demanding cheques your heart can't cash? That's me. And it's way too hard to pour out all that's in me in one go. If there's a way to be all I can, I haven't found it yet. So I feel you and I have a few things in common. May we both find emotional closure someday.
Don't forget I can be a friend to you whenever we meet in the flesh.
I have a father who's still here, and always was here. He was eternally supportive; still is. He's my only parent left so I'm going to enjoy him all the more while I can.
But believe me, Thrasher, I'm not gloating. There's plenty I can't love that others insist I must. Have you ever felt you've lived in a world which is full of people demanding cheques your heart can't cash? That's me. And it's way too hard to pour out all that's in me in one go. If there's a way to be all I can, I haven't found it yet. So I feel you and I have a few things in common. May we both find emotional closure someday.
Don't forget I can be a friend to you whenever we meet in the flesh.
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