All I Pray
There comes this time that I can't really focus and enjoy my life due to depression, anxiety and fear. There's these nights that I can't stop crying, tearing up, or even can't sleep just thinking what if I see myself onto that thing that I really fear like I'm going to die because of pain...
I know, this fear is not really serious for all of you, for some of you, even there are some of you that are comparing the worse painful things you've ever experienced and how you survived it, making me feel like I'm so childish that even a pinch makes me so phobic and crying too hard...
I'm very sorry if I feel like I'm so irritating to you all, I'm just this kind of man that is so weak and sensitive, like I can't even make myself so brave to all of you. I can't even face this intense fear just for all of you. In this world where if you get so sad, so fearful of things, you're being judged as a weakling, a gay or a guy who should never exist...
Now I tend to lose hope, tho it's really painful for me to, but that's all I can see myself. It's not really easy for me. If only there will be something, that could convince me to, but even tho the pain is temporary I can't really face it. Let's say since some of you said pain is temporary, imagine your situation where you've sentenced to have your arm cut off due to your sins or mistakes you've done, can you really face it and imagine when your arm cut off it's already over? That's the feeling I really have, even tho it's just pulling my two broken teeth I am keeping for years because I don't want to experience the pain I've experienced from the past that made me so traumatic with surgeries. These things even made me so nervous about going to hospitals or having medical tests or just even having needles in my skin makes a fight-or-flight responses to my body.
Now, having in a situation that I feel like so hopeless, I don't have any idea on what to do to my life. I'm just here, cannot focus on what I should do for living, I tend to slow down on making commissions, because I tend to rest myself immediately because of fearing about my chest pains, headaches and arm pains. They always scare me like if I sleep, I might die (I feel like I sound like a broken record on telling all of these, forgive me)
But am I a bad person for suffering this? Were my prayers too much? Like, do I need to sacrifice everything to just having a peaceful happy life chasing my dreams until I grow old?
If only I could do something that I don't need to experience pain again...
Again, I'm very sorry to all of you.
2021 J.L.B. [Jay]
I know, this fear is not really serious for all of you, for some of you, even there are some of you that are comparing the worse painful things you've ever experienced and how you survived it, making me feel like I'm so childish that even a pinch makes me so phobic and crying too hard...
I'm very sorry if I feel like I'm so irritating to you all, I'm just this kind of man that is so weak and sensitive, like I can't even make myself so brave to all of you. I can't even face this intense fear just for all of you. In this world where if you get so sad, so fearful of things, you're being judged as a weakling, a gay or a guy who should never exist...
Now I tend to lose hope, tho it's really painful for me to, but that's all I can see myself. It's not really easy for me. If only there will be something, that could convince me to, but even tho the pain is temporary I can't really face it. Let's say since some of you said pain is temporary, imagine your situation where you've sentenced to have your arm cut off due to your sins or mistakes you've done, can you really face it and imagine when your arm cut off it's already over? That's the feeling I really have, even tho it's just pulling my two broken teeth I am keeping for years because I don't want to experience the pain I've experienced from the past that made me so traumatic with surgeries. These things even made me so nervous about going to hospitals or having medical tests or just even having needles in my skin makes a fight-or-flight responses to my body.
Now, having in a situation that I feel like so hopeless, I don't have any idea on what to do to my life. I'm just here, cannot focus on what I should do for living, I tend to slow down on making commissions, because I tend to rest myself immediately because of fearing about my chest pains, headaches and arm pains. They always scare me like if I sleep, I might die (I feel like I sound like a broken record on telling all of these, forgive me)
But am I a bad person for suffering this? Were my prayers too much? Like, do I need to sacrifice everything to just having a peaceful happy life chasing my dreams until I grow old?
If only I could do something that I don't need to experience pain again...
Again, I'm very sorry to all of you.
2021 J.L.B. [Jay]
Category Artwork (Digital) / General Furry Art
Species Avian (Other)
Gender Male
Size 1280 x 960px
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I just wish there was something we could do to help... I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know why you would punish yourself so. You sound like a good decent person to me. And there is no shame in being afraid. There’s no shame in feeling that the world is just overwhelming just because someone else might have it worse. You’re not a bad person for suffering. You have done nothing to deserve it. I know it’s easier said than done but you need to realize that you just like everyone else deserves happiness.
Don't give up, although I can tell you upfront it won't be easy. I will also pray for you.
It's so hard that it feels like it's really impossible to accomplish
I kinda want to surrender.
I kinda want to surrender.
You're not bothering me at all. Please DM me if you wanna talk <:). I'm here to help
Jay, I know it's hard, but you aren't annoying any of us, we're all here for you and we all wish we could help you. Stay strong Jay, *hugs*.
You’ve never been a burden on any of us telling us your honest thoughts. And you don’t need to feel sorry for yourself just because of the things you’re going through.
I’m sorry I can’t give you all the answers you need, and I’m sorry that you’re facing such hard times when it’s hard enough in the world as is. But you deserve help to figure out a way to get through it.
Cry when you need to cry, feel afraid when you need to feel afraid, and never, ever feel bad for not being strong all the time.
You’ve made it this far, and that shows it’s not too late for a way to be found forward.
I’m sorry I can’t give you all the answers you need, and I’m sorry that you’re facing such hard times when it’s hard enough in the world as is. But you deserve help to figure out a way to get through it.
Cry when you need to cry, feel afraid when you need to feel afraid, and never, ever feel bad for not being strong all the time.
You’ve made it this far, and that shows it’s not too late for a way to be found forward.
I just really wish I could find the way that could finish some of my problems... Sadly I think this is not the place, but I'm not that rich to get off...
Currently, getting hopeless to find anything that could help me... Heck, I just really wish if only I never been born with teeth I would have dealt with my other problems instead of being scared of the freaking thing that traumatized this part of my life.
I really understand, since a lot of you cannot give the answers, I even felt some gave up already on me, because I feel like I'm such a person that people could get irritated, even my family gave up on me on saying something.
Currently, getting hopeless to find anything that could help me... Heck, I just really wish if only I never been born with teeth I would have dealt with my other problems instead of being scared of the freaking thing that traumatized this part of my life.
I really understand, since a lot of you cannot give the answers, I even felt some gave up already on me, because I feel like I'm such a person that people could get irritated, even my family gave up on me on saying something.
You don't need to apologize for anything, Jay.
Anyone who is bothered by you for posting this probably isn't a real friend anyway.
Anyone who is bothered by you for posting this probably isn't a real friend anyway.
Jay. It's alright. Calm down. We are at the same desert, each one dealing with your proof and difficulties. I have problems to deal and I really feel tired and overloaded with my own sickness and sadness. I really would like to understand why some people suffers more than others, but I hope too there is a purpose for all that. Keep the faith, Jay. Don't give up. God is with you.
You have no need to be sorry. You have done nothing wrong. I hope you get help soon. Stay safe, Stay Strong, Stay Positive.
I realy wish i could be positive all the time.
I don't want to be hopeless... I really want something to happen
I don't want to be hopeless... I really want something to happen
Jay, it's not your fault...
You don't deserve the pain and depression that's put in you.
You're not bad at all. I've been in the same situation before and I managed by just talking things out and making the family and relatives understand.
I wish i could be of help, but all I can say is, "Stay strong, don't lose hope, believe in yourself, and you can beat the negativity out of you."
You don't deserve the pain and depression that's put in you.
You're not bad at all. I've been in the same situation before and I managed by just talking things out and making the family and relatives understand.
I wish i could be of help, but all I can say is, "Stay strong, don't lose hope, believe in yourself, and you can beat the negativity out of you."
You're a good bean, Jay. Depression is a hell of a problem and it's tough to fight it. Remember, your friends are always here for you and sometimes it doesn't hurt to seek help professionally.
We should probably start finding resources in the Philippines that could help Jay
remove things from your life that might be having a negative effect on you unless there worth the weight in suffering for success. Your just experiencing the human condition
It's hard to remove if one of these problems is involving one of the parts of my body.
I don't know what to say but I just want you to know again that we are here for you
Thanks, man.
I just really wish I could end some of my problems.
I just really wish I could end some of my problems.
This relates to me in a way; drowning in a spiritual storm, built my own cage with no lock for a key etc in my own head 😖😫
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