Hello, all you wonderful people. It's been a while.
First of all, I'd love to thank EPon for once again doing a wonderful job with this artwork (and not to mention being an overall super dude and working with us on this piece), as well as my great friend Tasta for participating in this piece with me. She's always supported me and helped me through everything, so I can't sing her praises enough.
I suppose I better give some explanation. This isn't necessarily supposed to be a sad posting, but just highlighting part of my experience being trans. Everywhere I see trans art and such you always see the good side of things; the euphoria and self-realization. But a lot of my journey thus far (until recently) has been confusion and unsured-ness about where it was all headed. I wanted to capture those first moments in an emotional piece, when you first accept yourself as trans (in my case, trying femme-clothing for the first time) and don't know where the next step is or what to do. I recall many moments during last summer I "figured it out" in this exact position, sitting next to my bed, head bowed down and knees up, crying and unsure of what to do.
As I put it to EPon:
"I want to express... dysphoria and confusion. I want to capture that inner turmoil of suddenly being unsure of yourself, and the fear that follows suit. When I first tried on feminine clothing and looked at that version of myself in the mirror, I felt euphoria, but it was immediately followed by a realization of 'I'm not myself in my current body'. It was truly and deeply frightening, feeling as if I had suddenly lost an integral part of my identity and could no longer identify with my own self. A form of disassociation, perhaps."
Nowadays I find myself in the femme-leaning-non-binary/demigirl territory, she/they pronouns, being a girlfriend, and happy to grow and expand. I've gotten my footing and know where I need to go, and am taking the steps to do it. It may seem weird to want to capture that, but I see this as a bit of catharsis, a way to leave those feelings behind and discover myself anew. I wanted to record it and give my part for the trans experience, and let everyone know it's normal to go through the same things I did. For the longest time I thought I was doing something wrong, but that's hardly the case. We all have our own journeys, and I'm still steadily traveling through mine. :)
First of all, I'd love to thank EPon for once again doing a wonderful job with this artwork (and not to mention being an overall super dude and working with us on this piece), as well as my great friend Tasta for participating in this piece with me. She's always supported me and helped me through everything, so I can't sing her praises enough.
I suppose I better give some explanation. This isn't necessarily supposed to be a sad posting, but just highlighting part of my experience being trans. Everywhere I see trans art and such you always see the good side of things; the euphoria and self-realization. But a lot of my journey thus far (until recently) has been confusion and unsured-ness about where it was all headed. I wanted to capture those first moments in an emotional piece, when you first accept yourself as trans (in my case, trying femme-clothing for the first time) and don't know where the next step is or what to do. I recall many moments during last summer I "figured it out" in this exact position, sitting next to my bed, head bowed down and knees up, crying and unsure of what to do.
As I put it to EPon:
"I want to express... dysphoria and confusion. I want to capture that inner turmoil of suddenly being unsure of yourself, and the fear that follows suit. When I first tried on feminine clothing and looked at that version of myself in the mirror, I felt euphoria, but it was immediately followed by a realization of 'I'm not myself in my current body'. It was truly and deeply frightening, feeling as if I had suddenly lost an integral part of my identity and could no longer identify with my own self. A form of disassociation, perhaps."
Nowadays I find myself in the femme-leaning-non-binary/demigirl territory, she/they pronouns, being a girlfriend, and happy to grow and expand. I've gotten my footing and know where I need to go, and am taking the steps to do it. It may seem weird to want to capture that, but I see this as a bit of catharsis, a way to leave those feelings behind and discover myself anew. I wanted to record it and give my part for the trans experience, and let everyone know it's normal to go through the same things I did. For the longest time I thought I was doing something wrong, but that's hardly the case. We all have our own journeys, and I'm still steadily traveling through mine. :)
Category Artwork (Digital) / Still Life
Species Insect (Other)
Gender Trans (Female)
Size 1231 x 1000px
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