My mind keeps going back to all the times I was used as a 'friend' just to get by, by people I thought were close.
I had a group of friends IRL that destroyed me, one girl who was usually harmless turned and told me I should kill myself because i'm 'no fun' and 'a killjoy'.
All because I couldn't keep up with the constant partying, I just wanted to chill and have a good time, but they had other plans.
A bad relationship with someone I thought cared, cheated on me because I wasn't 'sexual enough' or even 'put out' for them.
Damaged me, wounded me, scarred and the words torment me.
I was used. Abused. Torn to bits and they never even told me why. Instead, just lied about all kinds of shit.
At a party, the last one I went to with them - they left me in a cold room overnight, no blanket, no heating, just my wet hoodie from being outside and just...laughed with each other. Everyone else had a place, not me, I was left by a cold windowsill curled up like a corpse and just thought maybe 'They forgot' or 'they'll remember me, right?'....they never did.
I did the walk of shame the next day, I was given harsh messages by all of them.
All because I couldn't keep up with them and would prefer to just be myself.
It still hurts, a lot.
Distraught, violated, hurt, - it knocked what last remnants of my self confidence to nothing...
All I wanted was to be accepted, not the 'freak' they tormented.
I now know I could lose any relationship by being 'too dull, too boring, too slow....'....
I question myself every day, every hour, who's going to disown me next and shove my face in the dirt.
Thing is, it keeps happening. Even with those I trust and held dear to me. I'm scared i'm not good enough for any one person - knowing they'll walk away because i'm not what they expected.
Sorry to vent.
Thrasher Werewolf ©
Art ©
I had a group of friends IRL that destroyed me, one girl who was usually harmless turned and told me I should kill myself because i'm 'no fun' and 'a killjoy'.
All because I couldn't keep up with the constant partying, I just wanted to chill and have a good time, but they had other plans.
A bad relationship with someone I thought cared, cheated on me because I wasn't 'sexual enough' or even 'put out' for them.
Damaged me, wounded me, scarred and the words torment me.
I was used. Abused. Torn to bits and they never even told me why. Instead, just lied about all kinds of shit.
At a party, the last one I went to with them - they left me in a cold room overnight, no blanket, no heating, just my wet hoodie from being outside and just...laughed with each other. Everyone else had a place, not me, I was left by a cold windowsill curled up like a corpse and just thought maybe 'They forgot' or 'they'll remember me, right?'....they never did.
I did the walk of shame the next day, I was given harsh messages by all of them.
All because I couldn't keep up with them and would prefer to just be myself.
It still hurts, a lot.
Distraught, violated, hurt, - it knocked what last remnants of my self confidence to nothing...
All I wanted was to be accepted, not the 'freak' they tormented.
I now know I could lose any relationship by being 'too dull, too boring, too slow....'....
I question myself every day, every hour, who's going to disown me next and shove my face in the dirt.
Thing is, it keeps happening. Even with those I trust and held dear to me. I'm scared i'm not good enough for any one person - knowing they'll walk away because i'm not what they expected.
Sorry to vent.
Thrasher Werewolf ©
Art ©
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 1280 x 983px
You aren't alone. It's a horrible pain to feel and words hurt more than people realise them. If it means anything, to me, you're inspirational. Life knocks you down, but you come back stronger. Keep being wonderful.
I really haven't enough words to say how I'm sorry about everything that you went through and keep going every day because of your traumas!
I don't even know you, I'm just your watcher but I believe that no one deserves that and also no one deserves to hate themselves! Please, just wait, things will come better, they always do, even at the darkest moments.
You are not alone in your mental problems, a lot of people going the same road right now. And we all will be ok someday...
Just don't give up. You just need time and help to heal your wounds.
I don't even know you, I'm just your watcher but I believe that no one deserves that and also no one deserves to hate themselves! Please, just wait, things will come better, they always do, even at the darkest moments.
You are not alone in your mental problems, a lot of people going the same road right now. And we all will be ok someday...
Just don't give up. You just need time and help to heal your wounds.
Thing is, it keeps happening. Even with those I trust and held dear to me. I'm scared I'm not good enough for any one person - knowing they'll walk away because I'm not what they expected.
Tumaini is the light that came into your life to banish such darkness.
Tumaini is the light that came into your life to banish such darkness.
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