Featuring Richard Hammond and James May of "The Grand Tour"
Chapter 1: James and Richard sat in the grand tour tent at the Great Tew Estate in England wondering what they should do for the last program of the series. I realized that hyenas don't get as much love as they should. So we decided to take the grand tour on a special to the country of Kenya. After we arrived in Kenya, we each decided to buy a budget 4x4 that would help get the job done. James was the first to arrive in a red Range Rover. "This is what I chose." He said "It's a 1984 Land Rover Range Rover. "However I've modified it extensively, in the back is a per specs tank." He said pointing to a large fish tank in the car. What I'm going to do is fill that with sea water and put fish in there so they stay alive, I have been very cleaver." He said "Not as clever as me." I said "because I made a sensible decision, I've gone for this." "Yep, it's a Toyota Hilux pickup truck which I chose for 2 reasons." Firstly as we proved with a number of tests on Top gear, it is completely indestructible. And secondly, that rear end is the perfect mounting point for a hunting rifle. "And it has 4 wheel drive which I recon is going to be essential because it's the rainy season." I said. Meanwhile Hammond was trying to capitalize on my idea. "What do you think of that?" Hammond asked me. "Well I think you copied my idea." I said "No it's a Mazda B2000 that I bought for only 800 quid." "Does it have 4000 cc?" I asked "2000 cc." Hammond said "How many cylinders, 6?" I asked "4." Hammond said "4?! So how much horse power has it got? " I asked "127" Hammond said. "that's it?" I asked. "Yeah but it's rugged, it's tough It can go off-road it can do anything." Hammond said "My idea is to build a rack, fit it to the back of my truck and dry the meat as I go along." That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard of!" I said. "What are you going to do?" Hammond asked "sling your meat in the back of your Toyota and watch them rot?" No I have an idea." I said. My idea was to break into a gun shop in the dead of night and steal a rifle. Chapter 2: The next morning we all met up on the beach and I set about fitting an Mk47 hunting rifle to my Hilux. Meanwhile Hammond was building his meat rack, and may was filling his aquarium with seawater. "how much is your car going to weigh when it's full?" I asked may "An extra 700." He replied. "Tons?" I asked "No kilograms." He replied "So It's a 0.7 of a ton extra." I said With the Indian ocean nibbling at his back end, James's tank was eventually full. James tried to move forward but his wheels just spun in the sand "I need a tow!" James said "Just try." I said "It won't do it it's too heavy!" He shouted. "Get the Pickup!" I opened his door and he shouted "Get your Hilux and tow me the first 20 yards!!" "He's really shouting at me." I told Hammond "I don't respond to shouting." I got in my Hilux and moved into position. "Madarao He's ready!" Richard shouted. I pulled forward, water splashed onto James. "Keep going". He said. A strange rattling noise came from my Hilux. "What is that that noise?" I said "that's my gear box." I said. James bumped into me. "Hammond There's a terrible noise coming from my gearbox when it's under load." I told Hammond. James came out of his car. "Thank you." He said "But you were supposed to do it gently." "How did that happen?" I asked "You did it." He said "You might have punctured his radiator" Said Hammond. "When I said stop you accelerated." James said. "The noise of my disintegrating gearbox was drowning you out." I said "How is it disintegrating? it's a Hilux!" He said. " "The radiator and fan are okay." Hammond said. "I knew they would be." I said. Once we replaced the water James was now wearing, we where ready to catch some fish using local methods we didn't understand "Jesus Christ!" I said as I overturned my boat. "Row the boat you idle sods!" James shouted. It turned out the Indian Ocean wasn't that deep. "Right this may actually be working." James said "Sh*t!" I said "I caught myself in the net!" Soon I worked my way back to James, and once I established that some how our rope had 3 ends, we began hauling in the net "Behold the sparkling treasure of the seas." Said Hammond. Eventually our catch was on board. However a hurricane was coming "If we lift up the anchor, the waves will wash us onto the shore. I said. faced of being washed up on Madagascar, we decided to abandon the boat and the fish, and go poaching for lions instead. Chapter 3: The next day though things were starting to look up "We went poaching before the camera crew was up." I said " this is the result, a whole pride of lions. " And now it was time to chop them up, and load them into our 4x4s "Their meat will be succulent and fresh for the journey." I said "Shenzi will love this." Eventually the loading was complete, and we were ready "Mount up gentlemen." I said. We each climbed into our 4x4s Hammond tried to start his truck but it wouldn't start. I started my Hilux. "Oh yeah!" I said. James started his range rover. Hammond eventually got his truck started. "Yeah!" He said. We then set off. "Now's the time I can be quite honest about some of the aspects of this car. I said "The ride is appalling." Our mercy mission would take us through the city of Nairobi, and then 200 miles south to the town of Arusha. "The great thing about this particular truck is that it has a 4.2 liter 6 cylinder diesel engine." I said "That's a great deal of power it'll get me there quickly, what you need is a big powerful engine and that's what I've got in my Hilux." temperatures and pressures are okay." James said. "Tank is full of water." "So there we are we've done 40 miles already." I said. "We're on a velvet smooth Australian road." In fact things were going so smoothly I decided to annoy my colleague. "Ready steady and brake test James May." I said. Water splashed onto James may. A few miles further on though the smooth tarmac ran out. Richard hit a bump in the road. "Hammond you just lost 90% of your meat." I said "I just ran over some meat should I worry?" James asked "You will be running over more than 1, Hammond is losing them at a rate of knots." I said "The inside of my windscreen is filthy because of the sea water hitting it." James said " I'm delighted to say it's now spitting with rain." I said. I splashed Hammond with muddy rain water. it was still another 150 miles to Arusha but we were confident that even on these roads We'd get there by nightfall. Soon though the going started to get much worse. Hammond started to struggle in his 2 wheel drive pickup. But actually it was the rugged Range Rover that was the first to crack "What's the matter May?" I asked "It cut out when I went through a puddle." James said. "I don't know what I can do about that." I said. James eventually got it going again but sadly it wasn't a 1-off. James's Range Rover died again. "What's the news slowly is your car working or not?" I asked "I've got to wait a minute and a half." He said. "How have I put up with him so long?" I asked. the slow progress of the Range Rover was now causing me problems. because the skies were dry and my water bucket was nearly empty. "He keeps breaking down in front of me and says its a minute and a half but it isn't a minute and a half it's 15 minutes." I told Hammond. We decided to leave him behind. Mostly the progress was good. Hammond drove into a large puddle that was to deep for his small truck "Oh deary me." I said. "I think you drowned your hog." I said. So I decided to tow his Mazda with my Hilux. "How gentle was that?" I asked "You were extremely gentle." Hammond said. Hammond attempted to start his truck and surprisingly it started "No Way." I said. mean wile further back the soggy Range Rover was not being so lucky. James tried to start his engine. "1 and a half minutes." He said. as the afternoon wore on, the roads became even worse. And the 2 wheel drive Mazda was starting to slow me down. "My bucket is now officially dry." I said "I have to get to a source of fresh clean water before the ice melts." "Holy sh*t I'm now in the sea!" said Hammond. "Hammond can you stop messing about?" I asked "I'm not messing about." Hammond said "Common Hammond we I am running out of ice." I said. Hammonds truck tipped over in a large puddle. "Oh that's a tragic spectacle." I said. Eventually I had to abandon my remaining colleague. "I don't even know how far away the next town is." I said "I've got to get some water and it's getting dark." Hammond tried to start his truck, James drove into a puddle and his Range rover stalled "Bollocks and arse!" he shouted. Chapter 4: However after total darkness fell, I was in good shape "Right on the upside I found a town where I've got water and got ice so the meat is fine." I said "On the down side I've just found out I'm not even halfway to Arusha." James tried to start his Range Rover "Oh dear." He said. Hammond's truck stalls. "Bollocks!" He said. The next morning our convoy was reunited, but before we could set off, Richard had to fix his truck, and James had to refill his water tank. James and I fought about how fill his tank. After James refilled his tank, we continued on our mission. "I've rigged a tarp over the aquarium to reduce the splashing and give the fish a better chance." Said James. "Hammond have you emptied the back of my Hilux to reload you ridiculous drying system?" I asked. No I went poaching!" Hammond said "Yesterday we've covered 100 miles." I said. "Today, we've still got 100 miles to go and none of it is on tarmac." Richard crashed his truck. "There is only 100 miles to go, Hammond." I said. But after a while though, Hammond decided to be brave. " So let's add up how many times my Toyota Hilux got stuck, none." I said. "Because it has 4 wheel drive. The dryer roads meant James's Range Rover was working well too "Oil pressure up and down a bit." He said "But there is some" He noticed a small fire in his car. "Something's badly on fire on the right side of my car." He said through his walkie talkie ."I cant understand how a car made almost entirely of water is on fire." I replied through my CB radio. Keem to do my bit for health and safety, I asked one of our camera team to modify James's fish tank, so that if another fire broke out there'd be plenty of water available to put it out. Richard crashed his truck again. "Bollocks." He said. his meat rack was damaged. After the fire was put out, James was back on the move. He beeped his horn. "He needs to watch were he's going." James said. Mean wile up ahead, I had to cut the bonnet off the Toyota. But this being a Hilux, it put up a fight. James pulled up along side me. "What's up?" He asked "My ice machine is broken." I said. "How does sawing the bonnet off mend your ice machine?" He asked. "I have a brilliant idea." I said. James climbed back into his Range Rover and drove away. "90% of our meat is in the back of my Toyota, and he's just driven off." I said. Hammond drove by. "Hello. He said. Eventually my new meat preservation solution was up and running. "What I've done is straight piped the exhaust through the bonnet, over the cab, and into the bed where the lion meat is." I said. "It's now covered with a tonneau cover." "The engine is now producing thick black smoke, which of course is smoking the meat." Further ahead, James and Richard were discussing the distance left to cover "I don't like the look of this." James said. He dove into a large puddle and got stuck. Richard got stuck as well. "What is this stuff?" Richard said "Oh hello." I said "It's my colleagues." "Is that you Stuart?" James asked. It sure is." I said. I bumped my Toyota into James's Range Rover. "Move your crappy car May." I said. "What a muppet, he's got a Toyota Pickup." James said. "What are those bits of scaffolding coming out of your bonnet for?" He asked. "They look like the handles from a disabled shower." Said Hammond. "They are exhaust pipes." I said. "My ice machine broke, I'm now turning it into smoke meat." I said. "Hang on you're smoking it in diesel smoke." Said Hammond. This unnecessary discussion was not helping the hyena trio. So we Knuckled down to the business of getting through the mud. May made me give him a tow. "Yeesss!" said James. And that's all I did for the rest of the day. My gearbox started making that awful grinding noise again. "Damn him and his stupid Range Rover." I said "Luckily Hammond was always on hand to provide some comic relief. Hammond tipped his truck over. There was still another 50 miles to go. Fortunately however, there was no more mud. Unfortunately it was replaced by a lake. "Oh my word this is a deep one." I said. I drove into the lake. "Oh wow." I said. "There's a lot of water coming in." I said "I'm up to my butt in water." Richard drove around the lake. "What an incredible truck this is." I said. I drove out of the lake and opened my door. Water came gushing out. "Oh, you got a lot of water in it mate." Said Hammond. With 2 of us across, all eyes were on the hopeless Rangequarium. James drove into the lake and drowned his Range Rover "Oh cock!" He said. "Cock!" "Help!" He said "I'm not towing that damn thing anymore!" I said "You are breaking the cv joints in my Hilux." Having finally getting fed up with him, Hammond and I decided to get radical. That night, as James slept, we cut his car in half. Chapter 5: This made James very cross. "YOU BASTERDS!" He shouted "I HATE YOU! BOTH OF YOU!" "YOU UTTER MASTURBATING BASTERDS!” "Look, I'm prepared to tow your boot full of water. That's important." I said. "I'm not going to tow a dead engine that's full of water as well." "Rubbish I could of fixed it! It's just the ignition!" He said. "You complete moron!" "I hope your parents end up killing themselves for birthing someone as useless as you!" "Right that's it, he's asked for it." I said. I revved up the 6 cylinder diesel and sprayed diesel fumes all over him. "Very Funny." He said. "Bloody mad!" I think your following him too closely." Said Hammond. "Why don't you sod off?! Said James. I revved my Hilux's engine again. James threw his gear lever at my truck. "What was that?" I asked. Fearful that James was about to catch cancer from my coal rolling, I invited him to enter my Hilux. And was he grateful? Nah. "The ride in this thing is appalling!" James said. "If an ambulance came to rescue you, would complain about the ride quality of the ambulance?" I asked. "No." He said. Than why are complaining about everything I've done for you?" I asked?" "Because you're rescuing me from an effective injury that you inflicted." he said. "Let's be Honest, your car has been a terrible nuisance all the way along." I said. "You're so noble I won't forget mention you in my speech." James said. "You're not getting a noble prize." I said "Why not?" James said. "Because you only brought 1/2 of a car." I said. "You don’t get the prize for how much car you bring, you get the prize for brining the meat." Said James. It was a shame about James's bad mood because we on the verge of success. Sure our plan to feed the hyena trio had been beset on all sides by much discomfort, and many setbacks. There had been some terrible smells too. But despite everything, we were just a few miles from the hyenas cave. "I think we should have done is had a pickup truck with an aquarium in the back." I said. "We sort of have now." James sad. "That Mazda has been remarkable." I said "We could make a film of all his crashes and call it wrong way up." Said James. I laughed. We soon arrived at the hyenas cave. "There it is!" I said. "Our quest is at an end!" I got out of my truck, and lifted the tonneau cover off the bed. "Look at that.” I said “Delicious smoked lions." "Smoked lions?" Said a voice. "Mmmm." A grey spotted hyena with bangs came running to my pickup. "Here you go." I said. I handed her a chunk of smoked lion meat. She ate it. "MMM." She said "Delicious!" "Diesel-infused lions, my favorite!" James however was not so happy with his fish. And for some reason he blamed me. " You killed them those were alive this morning." He said. "And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end." I said "Thank you so much for watching, see you next time goodbye."
The end
car stats:
Range Rover: 2.5 diesel I4, 111 horse power, 4 wheel drive
Toyota Hilux: 4.2 turbodiesel I6, 130 horse power, 4 wheel drive
Mazda B2000: 2.2 petrol I4, 85 horse power, 2 wheel drive
Chapter 1: James and Richard sat in the grand tour tent at the Great Tew Estate in England wondering what they should do for the last program of the series. I realized that hyenas don't get as much love as they should. So we decided to take the grand tour on a special to the country of Kenya. After we arrived in Kenya, we each decided to buy a budget 4x4 that would help get the job done. James was the first to arrive in a red Range Rover. "This is what I chose." He said "It's a 1984 Land Rover Range Rover. "However I've modified it extensively, in the back is a per specs tank." He said pointing to a large fish tank in the car. What I'm going to do is fill that with sea water and put fish in there so they stay alive, I have been very cleaver." He said "Not as clever as me." I said "because I made a sensible decision, I've gone for this." "Yep, it's a Toyota Hilux pickup truck which I chose for 2 reasons." Firstly as we proved with a number of tests on Top gear, it is completely indestructible. And secondly, that rear end is the perfect mounting point for a hunting rifle. "And it has 4 wheel drive which I recon is going to be essential because it's the rainy season." I said. Meanwhile Hammond was trying to capitalize on my idea. "What do you think of that?" Hammond asked me. "Well I think you copied my idea." I said "No it's a Mazda B2000 that I bought for only 800 quid." "Does it have 4000 cc?" I asked "2000 cc." Hammond said "How many cylinders, 6?" I asked "4." Hammond said "4?! So how much horse power has it got? " I asked "127" Hammond said. "that's it?" I asked. "Yeah but it's rugged, it's tough It can go off-road it can do anything." Hammond said "My idea is to build a rack, fit it to the back of my truck and dry the meat as I go along." That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard of!" I said. "What are you going to do?" Hammond asked "sling your meat in the back of your Toyota and watch them rot?" No I have an idea." I said. My idea was to break into a gun shop in the dead of night and steal a rifle. Chapter 2: The next morning we all met up on the beach and I set about fitting an Mk47 hunting rifle to my Hilux. Meanwhile Hammond was building his meat rack, and may was filling his aquarium with seawater. "how much is your car going to weigh when it's full?" I asked may "An extra 700." He replied. "Tons?" I asked "No kilograms." He replied "So It's a 0.7 of a ton extra." I said With the Indian ocean nibbling at his back end, James's tank was eventually full. James tried to move forward but his wheels just spun in the sand "I need a tow!" James said "Just try." I said "It won't do it it's too heavy!" He shouted. "Get the Pickup!" I opened his door and he shouted "Get your Hilux and tow me the first 20 yards!!" "He's really shouting at me." I told Hammond "I don't respond to shouting." I got in my Hilux and moved into position. "Madarao He's ready!" Richard shouted. I pulled forward, water splashed onto James. "Keep going". He said. A strange rattling noise came from my Hilux. "What is that that noise?" I said "that's my gear box." I said. James bumped into me. "Hammond There's a terrible noise coming from my gearbox when it's under load." I told Hammond. James came out of his car. "Thank you." He said "But you were supposed to do it gently." "How did that happen?" I asked "You did it." He said "You might have punctured his radiator" Said Hammond. "When I said stop you accelerated." James said. "The noise of my disintegrating gearbox was drowning you out." I said "How is it disintegrating? it's a Hilux!" He said. " "The radiator and fan are okay." Hammond said. "I knew they would be." I said. Once we replaced the water James was now wearing, we where ready to catch some fish using local methods we didn't understand "Jesus Christ!" I said as I overturned my boat. "Row the boat you idle sods!" James shouted. It turned out the Indian Ocean wasn't that deep. "Right this may actually be working." James said "Sh*t!" I said "I caught myself in the net!" Soon I worked my way back to James, and once I established that some how our rope had 3 ends, we began hauling in the net "Behold the sparkling treasure of the seas." Said Hammond. Eventually our catch was on board. However a hurricane was coming "If we lift up the anchor, the waves will wash us onto the shore. I said. faced of being washed up on Madagascar, we decided to abandon the boat and the fish, and go poaching for lions instead. Chapter 3: The next day though things were starting to look up "We went poaching before the camera crew was up." I said " this is the result, a whole pride of lions. " And now it was time to chop them up, and load them into our 4x4s "Their meat will be succulent and fresh for the journey." I said "Shenzi will love this." Eventually the loading was complete, and we were ready "Mount up gentlemen." I said. We each climbed into our 4x4s Hammond tried to start his truck but it wouldn't start. I started my Hilux. "Oh yeah!" I said. James started his range rover. Hammond eventually got his truck started. "Yeah!" He said. We then set off. "Now's the time I can be quite honest about some of the aspects of this car. I said "The ride is appalling." Our mercy mission would take us through the city of Nairobi, and then 200 miles south to the town of Arusha. "The great thing about this particular truck is that it has a 4.2 liter 6 cylinder diesel engine." I said "That's a great deal of power it'll get me there quickly, what you need is a big powerful engine and that's what I've got in my Hilux." temperatures and pressures are okay." James said. "Tank is full of water." "So there we are we've done 40 miles already." I said. "We're on a velvet smooth Australian road." In fact things were going so smoothly I decided to annoy my colleague. "Ready steady and brake test James May." I said. Water splashed onto James may. A few miles further on though the smooth tarmac ran out. Richard hit a bump in the road. "Hammond you just lost 90% of your meat." I said "I just ran over some meat should I worry?" James asked "You will be running over more than 1, Hammond is losing them at a rate of knots." I said "The inside of my windscreen is filthy because of the sea water hitting it." James said " I'm delighted to say it's now spitting with rain." I said. I splashed Hammond with muddy rain water. it was still another 150 miles to Arusha but we were confident that even on these roads We'd get there by nightfall. Soon though the going started to get much worse. Hammond started to struggle in his 2 wheel drive pickup. But actually it was the rugged Range Rover that was the first to crack "What's the matter May?" I asked "It cut out when I went through a puddle." James said. "I don't know what I can do about that." I said. James eventually got it going again but sadly it wasn't a 1-off. James's Range Rover died again. "What's the news slowly is your car working or not?" I asked "I've got to wait a minute and a half." He said. "How have I put up with him so long?" I asked. the slow progress of the Range Rover was now causing me problems. because the skies were dry and my water bucket was nearly empty. "He keeps breaking down in front of me and says its a minute and a half but it isn't a minute and a half it's 15 minutes." I told Hammond. We decided to leave him behind. Mostly the progress was good. Hammond drove into a large puddle that was to deep for his small truck "Oh deary me." I said. "I think you drowned your hog." I said. So I decided to tow his Mazda with my Hilux. "How gentle was that?" I asked "You were extremely gentle." Hammond said. Hammond attempted to start his truck and surprisingly it started "No Way." I said. mean wile further back the soggy Range Rover was not being so lucky. James tried to start his engine. "1 and a half minutes." He said. as the afternoon wore on, the roads became even worse. And the 2 wheel drive Mazda was starting to slow me down. "My bucket is now officially dry." I said "I have to get to a source of fresh clean water before the ice melts." "Holy sh*t I'm now in the sea!" said Hammond. "Hammond can you stop messing about?" I asked "I'm not messing about." Hammond said "Common Hammond we I am running out of ice." I said. Hammonds truck tipped over in a large puddle. "Oh that's a tragic spectacle." I said. Eventually I had to abandon my remaining colleague. "I don't even know how far away the next town is." I said "I've got to get some water and it's getting dark." Hammond tried to start his truck, James drove into a puddle and his Range rover stalled "Bollocks and arse!" he shouted. Chapter 4: However after total darkness fell, I was in good shape "Right on the upside I found a town where I've got water and got ice so the meat is fine." I said "On the down side I've just found out I'm not even halfway to Arusha." James tried to start his Range Rover "Oh dear." He said. Hammond's truck stalls. "Bollocks!" He said. The next morning our convoy was reunited, but before we could set off, Richard had to fix his truck, and James had to refill his water tank. James and I fought about how fill his tank. After James refilled his tank, we continued on our mission. "I've rigged a tarp over the aquarium to reduce the splashing and give the fish a better chance." Said James. "Hammond have you emptied the back of my Hilux to reload you ridiculous drying system?" I asked. No I went poaching!" Hammond said "Yesterday we've covered 100 miles." I said. "Today, we've still got 100 miles to go and none of it is on tarmac." Richard crashed his truck. "There is only 100 miles to go, Hammond." I said. But after a while though, Hammond decided to be brave. " So let's add up how many times my Toyota Hilux got stuck, none." I said. "Because it has 4 wheel drive. The dryer roads meant James's Range Rover was working well too "Oil pressure up and down a bit." He said "But there is some" He noticed a small fire in his car. "Something's badly on fire on the right side of my car." He said through his walkie talkie ."I cant understand how a car made almost entirely of water is on fire." I replied through my CB radio. Keem to do my bit for health and safety, I asked one of our camera team to modify James's fish tank, so that if another fire broke out there'd be plenty of water available to put it out. Richard crashed his truck again. "Bollocks." He said. his meat rack was damaged. After the fire was put out, James was back on the move. He beeped his horn. "He needs to watch were he's going." James said. Mean wile up ahead, I had to cut the bonnet off the Toyota. But this being a Hilux, it put up a fight. James pulled up along side me. "What's up?" He asked "My ice machine is broken." I said. "How does sawing the bonnet off mend your ice machine?" He asked. "I have a brilliant idea." I said. James climbed back into his Range Rover and drove away. "90% of our meat is in the back of my Toyota, and he's just driven off." I said. Hammond drove by. "Hello. He said. Eventually my new meat preservation solution was up and running. "What I've done is straight piped the exhaust through the bonnet, over the cab, and into the bed where the lion meat is." I said. "It's now covered with a tonneau cover." "The engine is now producing thick black smoke, which of course is smoking the meat." Further ahead, James and Richard were discussing the distance left to cover "I don't like the look of this." James said. He dove into a large puddle and got stuck. Richard got stuck as well. "What is this stuff?" Richard said "Oh hello." I said "It's my colleagues." "Is that you Stuart?" James asked. It sure is." I said. I bumped my Toyota into James's Range Rover. "Move your crappy car May." I said. "What a muppet, he's got a Toyota Pickup." James said. "What are those bits of scaffolding coming out of your bonnet for?" He asked. "They look like the handles from a disabled shower." Said Hammond. "They are exhaust pipes." I said. "My ice machine broke, I'm now turning it into smoke meat." I said. "Hang on you're smoking it in diesel smoke." Said Hammond. This unnecessary discussion was not helping the hyena trio. So we Knuckled down to the business of getting through the mud. May made me give him a tow. "Yeesss!" said James. And that's all I did for the rest of the day. My gearbox started making that awful grinding noise again. "Damn him and his stupid Range Rover." I said "Luckily Hammond was always on hand to provide some comic relief. Hammond tipped his truck over. There was still another 50 miles to go. Fortunately however, there was no more mud. Unfortunately it was replaced by a lake. "Oh my word this is a deep one." I said. I drove into the lake. "Oh wow." I said. "There's a lot of water coming in." I said "I'm up to my butt in water." Richard drove around the lake. "What an incredible truck this is." I said. I drove out of the lake and opened my door. Water came gushing out. "Oh, you got a lot of water in it mate." Said Hammond. With 2 of us across, all eyes were on the hopeless Rangequarium. James drove into the lake and drowned his Range Rover "Oh cock!" He said. "Cock!" "Help!" He said "I'm not towing that damn thing anymore!" I said "You are breaking the cv joints in my Hilux." Having finally getting fed up with him, Hammond and I decided to get radical. That night, as James slept, we cut his car in half. Chapter 5: This made James very cross. "YOU BASTERDS!" He shouted "I HATE YOU! BOTH OF YOU!" "YOU UTTER MASTURBATING BASTERDS!” "Look, I'm prepared to tow your boot full of water. That's important." I said. "I'm not going to tow a dead engine that's full of water as well." "Rubbish I could of fixed it! It's just the ignition!" He said. "You complete moron!" "I hope your parents end up killing themselves for birthing someone as useless as you!" "Right that's it, he's asked for it." I said. I revved up the 6 cylinder diesel and sprayed diesel fumes all over him. "Very Funny." He said. "Bloody mad!" I think your following him too closely." Said Hammond. "Why don't you sod off?! Said James. I revved my Hilux's engine again. James threw his gear lever at my truck. "What was that?" I asked. Fearful that James was about to catch cancer from my coal rolling, I invited him to enter my Hilux. And was he grateful? Nah. "The ride in this thing is appalling!" James said. "If an ambulance came to rescue you, would complain about the ride quality of the ambulance?" I asked. "No." He said. Than why are complaining about everything I've done for you?" I asked?" "Because you're rescuing me from an effective injury that you inflicted." he said. "Let's be Honest, your car has been a terrible nuisance all the way along." I said. "You're so noble I won't forget mention you in my speech." James said. "You're not getting a noble prize." I said "Why not?" James said. "Because you only brought 1/2 of a car." I said. "You don’t get the prize for how much car you bring, you get the prize for brining the meat." Said James. It was a shame about James's bad mood because we on the verge of success. Sure our plan to feed the hyena trio had been beset on all sides by much discomfort, and many setbacks. There had been some terrible smells too. But despite everything, we were just a few miles from the hyenas cave. "I think we should have done is had a pickup truck with an aquarium in the back." I said. "We sort of have now." James sad. "That Mazda has been remarkable." I said "We could make a film of all his crashes and call it wrong way up." Said James. I laughed. We soon arrived at the hyenas cave. "There it is!" I said. "Our quest is at an end!" I got out of my truck, and lifted the tonneau cover off the bed. "Look at that.” I said “Delicious smoked lions." "Smoked lions?" Said a voice. "Mmmm." A grey spotted hyena with bangs came running to my pickup. "Here you go." I said. I handed her a chunk of smoked lion meat. She ate it. "MMM." She said "Delicious!" "Diesel-infused lions, my favorite!" James however was not so happy with his fish. And for some reason he blamed me. " You killed them those were alive this morning." He said. "And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end." I said "Thank you so much for watching, see you next time goodbye."
The end
car stats:
Range Rover: 2.5 diesel I4, 111 horse power, 4 wheel drive
Toyota Hilux: 4.2 turbodiesel I6, 130 horse power, 4 wheel drive
Mazda B2000: 2.2 petrol I4, 85 horse power, 2 wheel drive
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 1280 x 720px
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