Hey guys!
I'm dropping by only briefly to report the news to anyone who has not heard them yet :) I have welcomed my darling new baby boy to my family on the 6th of September! The road was long and difficult, it was easily the most difficult experience of myt enitre life so far, but it was worth the suffering. I have another little angel under my wing!
On a sadder note...
To anyone who would be willing to help us, we are in a very tight spot right now. I didn't at all consider the possibility that I will be put through a traumatic c-section and left with the need of attending both physiotherapy to help me recover physically and a psychiatrist to help me recover mentally. I was sure that the second delivery will be less complicated than the first one, but I was terribly wrong. I prepared for me to just deal with being unable to work so I have spare funds to help us cover the bills and put food on our table, but I sadly didn't make enough to have enough to make sure I'm taken care of in case there would be complications following.
Trigger warning: operation, giving birth, blood, trauma and all the fun things.
To anyone interested in how and why this happened, I will put my story briefly below. I want to also say that I am absolutely very grateful to the doctors that decided to do the c-section on me, they saved my child's life.
The pregnancy was more or less safe, much like the last one. I only suffered pregnancy diabetes which I was able to deal with thanks to a very restrictive diet that put me in the state of ketosis for 3 months (no carbs at all). However due to the diabetes I had to be scheduled to induce labor in the 40th week if I didn't naturally go into labor naturally. And of course, I did not and even though I experienced contractions for a few weeks, I have only developed a small dialtion of 2 cm (last time it was 5cm once I got the the hospital and I was ready to go).
I was kept at the hospital and experienced the wonderful 'Foley's balloon' thing, that I was given for an entire night to increase the dialtion. It was very unpleasant and caused me to suffer from painful contraction for the entire night I spent at the hospital. But it developed a nice safe dialation of 5 cm, so in the morning without much wait I was put on oxytocin to force the labor to begin. I was already very tired and in pain.
The induced labor went better than my first. I was doing really great and my husband was next to me the entire time, holding my hand and massaging my back and encouraging me to keep focusing on breathing. I was actually happy, the way it went. I didn'tr even scream at all, which I did all the time during my first labor :D I consider myself a real trooper. The labor lasted 5-6h and I was almost ready for the second phase of the delivery (so pushing the baby out) when suddenly his heart rate dropped drastically once he put himself in the birthing canal. It happened really fast from then on - 2 doctors came, my husband's hand was ripped from mine as he was asked to step aside. I was dizzy from the pain and the opiod-based medication I was given to help the dialtion speed up and I wasn't sure what was happening.
The doctor said that they have to perform a c-section. At the state I was in I asked him if he was joking. They said, no and more people came in, placed me on anothed bed and forced me to lay down. I suffered from another contraction then and my entire body started shaking, I had a huge panic attack. Everything went from fine and 'almost at the end' to my worst nightmares coming true. The thing I feared most of all was a c-section and an unplanned one was not even on my radar. I actually am crying as I write this, but I do want to share my story with anyone who might have gone through the same and is suffering in silence.
They transported me to the operation block and within seconds they gave me a shot in my spine and they were already cutting me open as I was layed down after the shot. It was the scariest thing I ever lived through. The lamp hanging above me, that shed light on the operation field for the doctors, reflected precisely how they were opening my belly and for a brief second I glanced there to see a huge hole in my body, lots of blood and my skin streched on hooks. This view was horrific, it accompanies me in my nightmares every single day for 3 weeks now.
The view was blocked by a doctor putting some documents in front of me and another giving me a pen in my stiff fingers, telling me to sign the agreement for a c-section. It was laughable really, since I was already having it. My hands were shaking so much that all I managed to do was not even readable as a signature.
They took my precious son out of me and I heard his cry, it was surreal. I didn't feel anything, I was so scared. I wasn't happy, I thought I was going to die. What they did didn't hurt, but it was terrible, unpleasant and to a degree painful. I could feel I have a gaping wound in my stomach. They showed him to me for literally less than a second and took him away. My mind was blank, I thought I started losing consiousness. I was cold, like never before in my life. My entire body shaking and I was naked and alone with doctors discussing their lunch plans as they started to stitch me back up. I was told the entire procedure lasted 20 minutes. They took my son out within 5 minutes of transporting me to the operation ward. It felt like a lifetime, it was absolutely horrific.
My son was given to my husband, who held him until I was patched back up and immediately they gave me my baby once I was in my room. I was in shock, I still am - three weeks later. I keep reliving this nightmare over and over, I keep trying to talk about it to everyone around me in hopes that it will make it go away or that I will finally feel better, safer. Nothing helps.
At the ward I wasn't treated too well. They kicked me out of bed to go to the bathroom 6h after the operation - at 2 am at night and forced me to walk. the pain was unbearable, I felt like my guts were about to spill even though I was given all the painkillers in the world. No wonder, 7 layers of my tissue, muscle and skin were ripped apart. Trying to take care of a newborn in that condition is nothing short of a miracle, yet I put myself second and responded to every cry my baby uttered, even though standing up to get him was hell.
I was let out to go home 3 days later, still in pain, still with a huge belly (which my doctors kept complaining about for being 'too big' as if I could have done anything about it). Anyway I'm home now, suffering every day. My belly still hurts, I still have problems sitting, walking and basically surviving each day. My condition is not the best, I have to attend physiotherapy to help my belly get back to the way it was, my muscles are spread too far, I got tons of water inside that just doesn't want to disappear by itself, like it's supposed to. My mental state is even worse than my physical state. I never had panic attacks before, now I suffer daily, randomly bursting into tears, confsuing my older son that I also have to now look after, even though I can barely look after myself. We are surviving, but it's hard. And I need professional help that I can't really afford.
The doctors aren't sure why my son's heart rate dropped once he went into the birthing canal, but they said they thing it's because his head was too large to fit (3cm bigger than my firstborn's head, which is A LOT in baby standards) and he would suffocate.
Anyway! I feel really terrible for asking, as I always try to manage things by myself, but I have little to no way out here - I could really use help. There is no actual financial goal I can set exactly, as this is an ongoing thing and I will need to attend both therapies for the next few months, so anything helps.
To my Patrons, thank you a TON everyone for staying with me and making sure I can push through one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.
I am now oficially a happy mom of 2 healthy lovely boys! I am sure I will get better with time, but for now things are very tough.
I'm dropping by only briefly to report the news to anyone who has not heard them yet :) I have welcomed my darling new baby boy to my family on the 6th of September! The road was long and difficult, it was easily the most difficult experience of myt enitre life so far, but it was worth the suffering. I have another little angel under my wing!
On a sadder note...
To anyone who would be willing to help us, we are in a very tight spot right now. I didn't at all consider the possibility that I will be put through a traumatic c-section and left with the need of attending both physiotherapy to help me recover physically and a psychiatrist to help me recover mentally. I was sure that the second delivery will be less complicated than the first one, but I was terribly wrong. I prepared for me to just deal with being unable to work so I have spare funds to help us cover the bills and put food on our table, but I sadly didn't make enough to have enough to make sure I'm taken care of in case there would be complications following.
Trigger warning: operation, giving birth, blood, trauma and all the fun things.
To anyone interested in how and why this happened, I will put my story briefly below. I want to also say that I am absolutely very grateful to the doctors that decided to do the c-section on me, they saved my child's life.
The pregnancy was more or less safe, much like the last one. I only suffered pregnancy diabetes which I was able to deal with thanks to a very restrictive diet that put me in the state of ketosis for 3 months (no carbs at all). However due to the diabetes I had to be scheduled to induce labor in the 40th week if I didn't naturally go into labor naturally. And of course, I did not and even though I experienced contractions for a few weeks, I have only developed a small dialtion of 2 cm (last time it was 5cm once I got the the hospital and I was ready to go).
I was kept at the hospital and experienced the wonderful 'Foley's balloon' thing, that I was given for an entire night to increase the dialtion. It was very unpleasant and caused me to suffer from painful contraction for the entire night I spent at the hospital. But it developed a nice safe dialation of 5 cm, so in the morning without much wait I was put on oxytocin to force the labor to begin. I was already very tired and in pain.
The induced labor went better than my first. I was doing really great and my husband was next to me the entire time, holding my hand and massaging my back and encouraging me to keep focusing on breathing. I was actually happy, the way it went. I didn'tr even scream at all, which I did all the time during my first labor :D I consider myself a real trooper. The labor lasted 5-6h and I was almost ready for the second phase of the delivery (so pushing the baby out) when suddenly his heart rate dropped drastically once he put himself in the birthing canal. It happened really fast from then on - 2 doctors came, my husband's hand was ripped from mine as he was asked to step aside. I was dizzy from the pain and the opiod-based medication I was given to help the dialtion speed up and I wasn't sure what was happening.
The doctor said that they have to perform a c-section. At the state I was in I asked him if he was joking. They said, no and more people came in, placed me on anothed bed and forced me to lay down. I suffered from another contraction then and my entire body started shaking, I had a huge panic attack. Everything went from fine and 'almost at the end' to my worst nightmares coming true. The thing I feared most of all was a c-section and an unplanned one was not even on my radar. I actually am crying as I write this, but I do want to share my story with anyone who might have gone through the same and is suffering in silence.
They transported me to the operation block and within seconds they gave me a shot in my spine and they were already cutting me open as I was layed down after the shot. It was the scariest thing I ever lived through. The lamp hanging above me, that shed light on the operation field for the doctors, reflected precisely how they were opening my belly and for a brief second I glanced there to see a huge hole in my body, lots of blood and my skin streched on hooks. This view was horrific, it accompanies me in my nightmares every single day for 3 weeks now.
The view was blocked by a doctor putting some documents in front of me and another giving me a pen in my stiff fingers, telling me to sign the agreement for a c-section. It was laughable really, since I was already having it. My hands were shaking so much that all I managed to do was not even readable as a signature.
They took my precious son out of me and I heard his cry, it was surreal. I didn't feel anything, I was so scared. I wasn't happy, I thought I was going to die. What they did didn't hurt, but it was terrible, unpleasant and to a degree painful. I could feel I have a gaping wound in my stomach. They showed him to me for literally less than a second and took him away. My mind was blank, I thought I started losing consiousness. I was cold, like never before in my life. My entire body shaking and I was naked and alone with doctors discussing their lunch plans as they started to stitch me back up. I was told the entire procedure lasted 20 minutes. They took my son out within 5 minutes of transporting me to the operation ward. It felt like a lifetime, it was absolutely horrific.
My son was given to my husband, who held him until I was patched back up and immediately they gave me my baby once I was in my room. I was in shock, I still am - three weeks later. I keep reliving this nightmare over and over, I keep trying to talk about it to everyone around me in hopes that it will make it go away or that I will finally feel better, safer. Nothing helps.
At the ward I wasn't treated too well. They kicked me out of bed to go to the bathroom 6h after the operation - at 2 am at night and forced me to walk. the pain was unbearable, I felt like my guts were about to spill even though I was given all the painkillers in the world. No wonder, 7 layers of my tissue, muscle and skin were ripped apart. Trying to take care of a newborn in that condition is nothing short of a miracle, yet I put myself second and responded to every cry my baby uttered, even though standing up to get him was hell.
I was let out to go home 3 days later, still in pain, still with a huge belly (which my doctors kept complaining about for being 'too big' as if I could have done anything about it). Anyway I'm home now, suffering every day. My belly still hurts, I still have problems sitting, walking and basically surviving each day. My condition is not the best, I have to attend physiotherapy to help my belly get back to the way it was, my muscles are spread too far, I got tons of water inside that just doesn't want to disappear by itself, like it's supposed to. My mental state is even worse than my physical state. I never had panic attacks before, now I suffer daily, randomly bursting into tears, confsuing my older son that I also have to now look after, even though I can barely look after myself. We are surviving, but it's hard. And I need professional help that I can't really afford.
The doctors aren't sure why my son's heart rate dropped once he went into the birthing canal, but they said they thing it's because his head was too large to fit (3cm bigger than my firstborn's head, which is A LOT in baby standards) and he would suffocate.
Anyway! I feel really terrible for asking, as I always try to manage things by myself, but I have little to no way out here - I could really use help. There is no actual financial goal I can set exactly, as this is an ongoing thing and I will need to attend both therapies for the next few months, so anything helps.
If you want and can help me, please consider supporting my ᴘᴀᴛʀᴇᴏɴ or buying me a ᴋᴏ-ꜰɪ.
On Patreon you will get tons of content I uploaded before going on maternity leave and on ko-fi I sadly can't offer anything in return. But I will be forever gretaful for anyone donating anything to help me recover.
Thank you, I am forever in your debt.
To my Patrons, thank you a TON everyone for staying with me and making sure I can push through one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.
I am now oficially a happy mom of 2 healthy lovely boys! I am sure I will get better with time, but for now things are very tough.
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 987 x 1280px
Listed in Folders
Congratulations ✨
I’m sorry that your going through all of that. If I wasn’t in such a rough spot I would donate to you. I hope things get better for your family.
I’m sorry that your going through all of that. If I wasn’t in such a rough spot I would donate to you. I hope things get better for your family.
Oh my god, my heart was racing as I read this. All things considered, I'm glad you and your son are okay. Thank you for reaching out and speaking your truth! I hope you make a full recovery, be gentle with yourself. I'll be sure to boost this post and share, you need all the support you can get. YOU GO MUMMA!
sorry if some words are not clear to you, english is not my native language.
When I read this I was shocked. You are an incredibly strong person. I think not everyone would have coped with this, but you are trying for the sake of your children and this is the best!
You are a wonderful mother, I think your children will be proud of you too!
When I read this I was shocked. You are an incredibly strong person. I think not everyone would have coped with this, but you are trying for the sake of your children and this is the best!
You are a wonderful mother, I think your children will be proud of you too!
My wife neomi went through a similar experience back in June. Its been 3 months since. Each week gets a step better, the pain eases. Hopefully the baby lets you rest. Out little one was feeding every two hours, so we had to also use formula to let Neomi rest every second feeding.
My heart goes out to you, I definitely feel the pain your wife went through. I'm so sorry so many mothers have to go through this, it's actually incredible that so many suffer silently every day.
My second son is so far not as needy as the first one (my firstborn nursed every 40 minutes for months leaving me really exhausted) 😀 so far it's also 2-3h between feedings. So far, so good and I manage on my own, but it's been only 3 weeks so far so I still got some power left in me. Hope I can keep it up ^^ congrats to you as well, hope your family is doing well and best wishes to your wife and baby!
My second son is so far not as needy as the first one (my firstborn nursed every 40 minutes for months leaving me really exhausted) 😀 so far it's also 2-3h between feedings. So far, so good and I manage on my own, but it's been only 3 weeks so far so I still got some power left in me. Hope I can keep it up ^^ congrats to you as well, hope your family is doing well and best wishes to your wife and baby!
Congrats. You deserve all the love and support. Motherhood is a long road and your child comes first. But you can do it if you set your mind to it~
My wife when she was about to give birth also had no worries...at first. Then the kid kicked the placenta loose, causing massive internal bleeding. From the signs of the blood and the kid out via Emergency C-Section was less than 50 minutes, and that includes travel to the hospital in that time. My son almost choked to death on the blood loss and my wife was seriously impacted as well and it was a long recovery.
But 7 years later when my daughter arrived, my wife had whats called a 'V-bac', vaginal birth after Cesarean. And it went smoothly. She grumbled "Why couldn't your brother been as easy?!"
Main thing is your new son is healthy and allowing you SOME sleep. That and you pulled through that horrifying experience like a champ. Congrats on your new addition. Has his older brother shown excitement to his new little brother?
But 7 years later when my daughter arrived, my wife had whats called a 'V-bac', vaginal birth after Cesarean. And it went smoothly. She grumbled "Why couldn't your brother been as easy?!"
Main thing is your new son is healthy and allowing you SOME sleep. That and you pulled through that horrifying experience like a champ. Congrats on your new addition. Has his older brother shown excitement to his new little brother?
It's really heartbreaking and scary to hear such story I sincerely wish you fast and smooth recovery and just glad to hear that baby is okay! It's terrifying how it is possible that hospital staff treat pregnant like that when they are at their most vulnerable state. It is a job indeed but just taking a moment to show some human kindness makes such a big difference!
I sympathize with you. What you have experienced is really scary and terrible. I wish you a speedy recovery. Try to accept what happened and let go. You are a very strong person. There are people who love you next to you. Your husband is just a hero! Health and your children.
I hope, after a while, you will feel much better. And now let other people help you with taking care of the children and you. You're amazing!
I hope, after a while, you will feel much better. And now let other people help you with taking care of the children and you. You're amazing!
oh honey, i'm so sorry you went through all that.
My second birth, while not as horrific, was bad enough, my daughter got stuck (9lb baby) by her shoulders in my pelvis, and the next minute there were alarms going off, people boiling out of every door, and i had to have a 'crash episiotomy' so they could move her to get her shoulders through my pelvis.. it was awful, and it took months to recover from.
Please do keep talking, it will fade in time, but i hope you can get some therapy and help to cope with the trauma. The things we go through to bring our kids into the world is beyond description, but they're so worth it. Take care, rest, heal... you will get there <3
My second birth, while not as horrific, was bad enough, my daughter got stuck (9lb baby) by her shoulders in my pelvis, and the next minute there were alarms going off, people boiling out of every door, and i had to have a 'crash episiotomy' so they could move her to get her shoulders through my pelvis.. it was awful, and it took months to recover from.
Please do keep talking, it will fade in time, but i hope you can get some therapy and help to cope with the trauma. The things we go through to bring our kids into the world is beyond description, but they're so worth it. Take care, rest, heal... you will get there <3
Thanks so much <3 I am using my ko-fi page for tips normally and now donations, as well as Patreon if you'd also like to receive some content for your support! thank you <3
https://ko-fi.com/furlana
https://www.patreon.com/furlana
https://ko-fi.com/furlana
https://www.patreon.com/furlana
Congratulations, wish you and your new child good health.
This same thing happened to my sister. It was terrifying and I still have nightmares about it sometimes. Enjoy your time with your new baby, even if cannot hold them. <3
Congrats!
And just... Man, that was a hard read. I'll avoid repeating to prevent any triggers, but... Just getting my own head straight, especially with my own experiences with psychological health. The first attack always hits like s freight train.
I don't have kids nor plan on it, no partner; I won't pretend I can ever imagine what was going through either of your heads at that moment, especially yours. And now the unexpected bills with the emergency and recovery. The important part is you both made it and you're getting physio and psych, but let's not forget the struggle has just begun.
And don't worry about the bills; we can help wherever. If you're American like me, you know its healthcare is a shambled mess. I could go on, but you are in no condition to read me rant.
Take care of your new kid, take care of yourself, and let us help with the rest.
And just... Man, that was a hard read. I'll avoid repeating to prevent any triggers, but... Just getting my own head straight, especially with my own experiences with psychological health. The first attack always hits like s freight train.
I don't have kids nor plan on it, no partner; I won't pretend I can ever imagine what was going through either of your heads at that moment, especially yours. And now the unexpected bills with the emergency and recovery. The important part is you both made it and you're getting physio and psych, but let's not forget the struggle has just begun.
And don't worry about the bills; we can help wherever. If you're American like me, you know its healthcare is a shambled mess. I could go on, but you are in no condition to read me rant.
Take care of your new kid, take care of yourself, and let us help with the rest.
Thanks so much! It really is one of the hardest moments of my life so far. The previous one was my first delivery, but the last one didn't leave me as traumatized and unable to cope as this one. I am Polish and we technically have a universal healthcare system, but hit's absolutely overloaded and to get a visit to a physiotherapist or a psychologist provided by the national Healthcare you'd need to wait for around a year... And well, it's of course laughable, so I need to cover the costs of just going to see these specialists in the private sector. It sucks, but I do need to get help as fast as I can to make sure I am able to look after my family. Thank you!
God, that's just incomprehensibly horrific. I really wish I was in a position to donate right now, I feel so awful for you...
So glad you and your little one are still here though. Even if it takes time, the worst of it is behind you now and things'll only get better going forward. Best wishes to you both, stay strong. 🤍
(SUPER adorable piece by the way!!)
So glad you and your little one are still here though. Even if it takes time, the worst of it is behind you now and things'll only get better going forward. Best wishes to you both, stay strong. 🤍
(SUPER adorable piece by the way!!)
Oh wow... So bittersweet to read, I'm sorry it happened to you and your family. I hope it'll all will be better soon. If you need any good Gino physiotherapist in Poland, let me know please, I know few best names out here. Just don't want to force it on you
My son was born through a c-section, though here in America the put up a huge surgery tent to block line of sight for both the patient and the folks in attendance .
At one point my wife asked “how does it look?” At which point I peered around the curtain (to much hooping and hollering by the nurses and doctors) and I replied “pretty good considering your insides are on the outside right now.”
I wish you an expedient recovery. Take it easy if you can, but do the stretching and ab exercises they recommend and you should be like new soon
At one point my wife asked “how does it look?” At which point I peered around the curtain (to much hooping and hollering by the nurses and doctors) and I replied “pretty good considering your insides are on the outside right now.”
I wish you an expedient recovery. Take it easy if you can, but do the stretching and ab exercises they recommend and you should be like new soon
Hey !
I just want to post just to say that your trauma is justified. I understand why it was done this way, that it was urgent because your baby could not survive this, but I'm always shocked with the way doctors only take care of the mechanical aspect of the body, without giving a shit about the mental one. You describe this trauma very well, we can literally see that you're reliving it as you're writing.
I personnally think that your belly is still "too big" because you didn't have the feeling of giving birth because it went in a way you hadn't got any choice. Unconsciously, your body don't feel like it gave birth so your belly is still swollen.
You'll be able to overcome this trauma in time and with psychological help.
Anyway... Take care of yourself and your family, everything will work out in the end !
I just want to post just to say that your trauma is justified. I understand why it was done this way, that it was urgent because your baby could not survive this, but I'm always shocked with the way doctors only take care of the mechanical aspect of the body, without giving a shit about the mental one. You describe this trauma very well, we can literally see that you're reliving it as you're writing.
I personnally think that your belly is still "too big" because you didn't have the feeling of giving birth because it went in a way you hadn't got any choice. Unconsciously, your body don't feel like it gave birth so your belly is still swollen.
You'll be able to overcome this trauma in time and with psychological help.
Anyway... Take care of yourself and your family, everything will work out in the end !
Will there be art with the father of the child or where are mom and dad at the beginning of the relationship?
Comments