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Leonid the Action Hero
Leonid the Cold Lion: (narrating in English) You know me as Leonid the Cold Lion, but my real surname is Markowsky, and I'm currently serving as the President of the Russian Federation. Ever since the people elected me into office (although some argue that I successfully but unconsciously performed a coup without even knowing it), there have been haters going after me, all of which were supporters of Vladimir Putin, claiming that I was destroying Russia instead of keeping it as the way it was supposed to be. But because my American counterpart had been asked to study the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, in order to improve his relationships with people that made him uncomfortable (namely the LGBTQ+ crowd), all his parallels (including me) who were in office decided we would do the same. Thus, my administration is not persecuting LGBTQ+ people, but instead working to ensure that they are seen as people, too. Like the rest of us, they work jobs to put food on the table, pay the bills and taxes, and act as productive members of society.
However, I worry I made a big mistake, even if I hadn't. Why? Well, before you make assumptions, it had nothing to do with me losing my temper. That's what got me into trouble to start with, and given I overreacted when Super C fined me, I paid him seven times the amount. This goes back to all the doping scandals.
Super C: (narrating) "There's no need for you to bankrupt yourself!" I protested when he gave me the check. "It wasn't that bad, was it?" He thinks it was.
Leonid: (narrating in English) It was one of the primary reasons that I decided that if mainland Russia couldn't take care of herself, then she wasn't worthy of looking after other parts of the world that she was either annexing (i.e. Crimea), already controlling (i.e. Chechnya), or fighting with somebody else over (i.e. Krull Islands; those now belong to Japan). Those things weren't ours to start with, and they never should have been ours.
Putin's supporters have hated me for it ever since. There were only three major supporters left, and they were the angriest of all. They decided they wanted revenge on me, in the hopes I'd step down so they could step in and start terrorizing the nation again. The mistake I made, therefore, was letting them to talk me, because I thought I could peacefully reason with him. What happened afterwards? Well, you'll have to read to find out.
Cue the action.
*Later, the last of Putin's supporters and former politicians under him are plotting a coup in Moscow against Leonid. Medvedev, former career politicians under Putin, Shoigu, former Russian Army general, and Prigozhin, mercenary, businessman, and caterer chef, are among of what's left of Putin's regime before his death.*
*Russia*
Prigozhin: *In Russian as he sets up his camera and communication equipment to speak to Elias through livestream.* Leonid has no idea that he's making Russia extremely vulnerable! He broke up this nation into separate individual ethnic states and dissolved several organizations, such as the Commonwealth of Independent States. He sold us out to the west and Sweden is importing our nuclear materials! Elias claims he is not developing nuclear weapons but how can we be so sure? He claims that the International Atomic Energy Agency makes regular visits in Sweden to make sure that there are no nuclear weapons complete with visual evidence!
Shoigu: *In Russian* Leonid is a fool to allow western influences to flood in Russia. He claimed that Russia has always allowed western influences, since we allowed western diplomats in St. Petersburg.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* And not too long ago, I went to St. Petersburg and I saw a beer garden with a giant rainbow banner that reads "Gay furries are welcome here!" in English! I thought Leonid wouldn't allow this! I wouldn't!
Medvedev: *In Russian* I don't know what's gotten into Leonid, but this is not the future I envisioned for Russia. Before that, I think your equipment is ready.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* All right. *In English to Elias.* There you are! You must be one of Leo's pawns! You need to stop importing our nuclear goods and boosting your military! You and the European Union, even if you claim its an informal organization, are a threat to Russia!
*Stockholm, Sweden*
Elias: *In English* Uhm... No. We don't develop nuclear weapons these days. Second, if I really wanted to cause havoc on others, I don't need a nuke. Third, Sweden is wide open. Just bring yourself and your men to my country and tell me where you're at so I can meet you by myself.
Prigozhin's Voice: Wait... I'm not falling for that trap, you trickster! I will not allow that beastly barbarian lion to toss me to Valhalla!
Elias: Only the worthy gets to see Valhalla, so you don't have to worry about it, because you won't get to see Lennart anyways. *In Swedish to his generals and Lennart.* Don't worry about me. I got this. I know how to deal with such men, if you can call them that.
General 1: *In Swedish* If anything happens to you, Lennart will be your successor.
General 2: *In Swedish* And you know you don't want that.
Elias: *In Swedish* It's fine; I got it.
Prigozhin's Voice: Still not falling for your tricks! Behind every European tree is a sniper! Your country must be loaded with them! One would have to be desperately stupid to even touch your country! Every idiot who dares invade the kingdom of Vikings has never made it out alive!
Elias: I said I would meet you alone, so no worries about my snipers. If you want to talk to me in Sweden with your men, you can.
Prigozhin's Voice: Then you will pull the White Death on us like Finland did a century ago! Second, you're a huge dragon!
Medvedev's Voice: *In Russian* Leave that dragon be. The Swedes won't do a thing to us. Second, I don't want to deal with him. It's bad enough that everybody makes fun of my short stature. Let's focus on Leonid.
Prigozhin's Voice: You know what, Elias? You can just stay in your frozen wasteland with a bunch of smelly axe-wielding barbarians like the Swede you are! We'll dispose of Leonid, and then we will deal with you next!
Elias: Okay. Be glad you're not talking to Lennart like that, because we all know where that's going to end up. I wouldn't even wish that on you. Second, just in case you leave this world, Vikings were known to make soap and were more hygienic than knights back in those times. I can send you a package of soap so that you can clean yourself of your sins in hopes that you can reach heaven. *He disconnects from the livestream on Prigozhin and speaks in Swedish to his generals and Lennart.* Give it a moment because I will guarantee you that those threats are empty. Let him deal with Leonid.
Lennart the Viking Lion: (narrating in English) Ironic, isn't it? The knights of England were supposed to be more chivalrous than us Vikings. Yet, who had the better hygiene? We did.
General 1: *In Swedish* We trust your judgement then.
Elias: *In Swedish* Good. *In English on his smartphone to Leo.* Leo, Prigozhin and his idiots are going to take on Leonid. Just let the Russian heroes deal with this themselves. As a foreigner, just watch what happens when the last of Putin's supporters take on Leonid. Lets just say, it's either going to be hilarious or tragic.
*Russia*
Prigozhin: *In Russian as he packs up his equipment and loads them into his truck.* Hmph! We'll deal with that barbaric beast of Sweden later then!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Don't forget that dragon since he's worse just by looking at him.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* The heck with him since we got dragons too! But first, let us pay a visit to the Kremlin!
Shoigu: *In Russian* I have some words with Leonid myself too.
*The men get in their trucks with Prigozhin's mercenaries, who are heartless, as they drive to Moscow.*
Soldier 1: *In Russian* Sorry sir! This is a restricted area!
Soldier 2: *In Russian* You better not!
*Once the men and mercenaries park their trucks and get out with weapons drawn, Prigozhin pulls out his Lebedev pistol without the suppressor on it.*
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Alright junior. Listen up. We just want to see Leonid, so we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Second, I was his personal catering chef, so he knows me.
Medvedev: *In Russian with a PP-2000 SMG out.* We used to be close to him. But ever since he took Putin's place, he sent his men to confiscate our wealth! I lost my properties, my money, and now my own family through a divorce! I now live in a apartment and even the fennec fox furries make fun of my height! How much more with these insults can I take? I have suffered enough! Just let me talk to Leonid. Let me see him. Please?
Soldier 2: *In Russian* Leonid said you engaged in cronyism and stole our tax rubles.
Medvedev: *In Russian* I don't care! He destroyed my life and he's going to leave me to die alone slowly and painfully! I've lived a modest life from the beginning anyways, and now you made me look like a beggar off the streets! You're lucky that I didn't go homeless freezing my {BLEEP} out on the streets during winter! And the worst part is that I didn't even get to say goodbye to Putin before he died from thyroid cancer. I have to watch my friends die slowly and painfully one-by-one before my time comes after losing my wealth and family. I'm not going to even see my own grandchildren because of this! All this time I spent close to Leonid, meeting his marching bands, Prigozhin preparing them the best dishes they have, and this is how he pays me back! He didn't bother to save Putin when the masses went after him and sent him to the ICC, where they sentenced him to a maximum security prison set alone on a cold rocky island in the frozen north.
Shoigu: *In Russian* I had a job and a family, too, you know. My children live great lives and have their own families. But ever since Leonid took over, I can't speak to my own children. I can't even see my own grandchildren. I was Putin's Defence Minister.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* I cooked the best {BLEEP} pirozhkis in the world! I had to bend myself so far backwards to import Japanese wagyu beef and matsutake mushrooms, even though Japan hates me. I even imported cheese from Switzerland for this, even though they hate me. I had to make it look like that Putin is forcing me to do this because Leonid is to be treated like a king, and so does his marching bands. And so, they finally sold me their expensive and best ingredients so I can make them for Leonid and his marching bands. The price tag for such a luxury meal for Leonid and his marching bands is enormous, but I was willing to do it.
And now, Leonid pays us back by letting perverted western influences into Russia and breaking up this federation into independent ethnic states. He's just allowing the countries to develop their own Nazi forces! We even told him about Ukraine's racism and their Azov Battalion, but he didn't care. He said that his aim to deal with those problems is to encourage ethnic Russians from such places to come here to have family, which didn't address their hate in the first place.
Medvedev: *In Russian* And if Leonid brings up about the Russo-Georgian War, it's because to protect ethnic Russians there as well as to protect Abkhazia and Ossetia from Georgian genocide. He's going to argue otherwise but I oversaw that war and he wasn't even there so therefore I knew about that then he does! Now, are you going to let us in or not?
Soldier 2: *In Russian* Fine; fine. But if you start trouble with him in the Kremlin, it's all on you.
Soldier 3: *In Russian to Leonid.* There are three men who claim to have known you close before. Yet, with them are Wagner mercenaries under Prigozhin, who was your personal catering chef.
Soldier 4: *In Russian to Leonid.* I have a bad feeling about this. I don't want to let them in yet the three wants to talk to you. If you want them in, we'll let them in. What do you say, Mr. President?
Vladimir: *In Russian* If it's Putin's idiots, they better hope they can put up a fight. Leonid has ice manipulation powers, and they know it! *Readies his AEK-999 machine gun.*
Leonid: (narrating in English) Now you'll see why I fear I made a big mistake.
*Sweden*
Lennart: *in Swedish* I think we had better continue to watch this.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* What do these three people want from me?
Soldier 2: *in Russian* I think they're furious because you let Chechnya and those other ethnic states become independent. By their beliefs, that was a mistake.
Leonid: *in Russian* You might as well let him and his cronies in, but be ready in case they try something.
*USA*
Leo the Patriotic Lion: *to Elias* Let's hope it's not tragic. What are they angry about?
*Sweden*
Elias: I have no idea. You should watch and pay attention just in case.
*Russia*
*The soldiers let the men in as they put their weapons away.*
Prigozhin: *In Russian with a smile at first.* Leonid the Cold Lion! Remember me? I was your personal catering chef! Remember the Iranian caviar I served you? How about the wagyu steaks from Japan? Good stuff! I remember you and your marching boys enjoying my food!
Shoigu: *In Russian* And you remember me, too, don't you? We used to work together in improving our defenses against terrorism.
Medvedev: *In Russian* And me! I always enjoyed working with you! You're a rock star in military strategy and international business! I knew you could be the bridge between Russia and the world!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Prigozhin... I remember your activities in Syria and other places. You and your mercenaries murdered innocent people. You even took a sledgehammer and murdered one of your men on the back of his head for defecting.
Cold Snare: *In Russian* And you asked me to perform beats on my drum during your execution? That right there is why I refused.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Like that's any different from Kriegland, when you executed your defectors by beheading them! Ha, ham ha!
*Cold Snare and Vladimir shake their heads in disgust.*
C.K./King Leo: (narrating) This does lead me to point out that Kriegland did punish its traitors by execution, but not once in its history did we ever have a traitor. The civil war we fought between lions and tigers over a trivial issue of whether any animal other than a lion could be king, making us all feel worthless in the end (on both sides), was fought between lions and tigers, with the tigers being the rebels. Obviously we know now that it was all CNG's doing just to stir up trouble, but at the time, nobody even knew that existed. As a result, there was debate about what to do with the tigers when they surrendered and declared the lions winners. In the end, nobody was executed. Instead, the tigers were given generous parole, and the lions in return accepted the fact the next in line to the throne really was a tiger: Timothy I, known by his haters as Timothy the Terrible.
Ironically, Timothy was our longest-serving monarch, reigning for 61 years. I was the shortest, only managing to get in 3.
In any case, now Leonid's haters were suddently getting angry.
Medvedev: *In Russian with a sudden upset tone to Leonid.* Now you listen to me right here, you overgrown beast! How dare you let Putin die alone with thyroid cancer! I wanted to say goodbye to him, but you never let me! You ordered the FSB (Russian equivalent to FBI) to raid my homes, stole my properties, and my money, too! My wife divorced me, and I lost everything! My vinyl collection! My Harry Potter books! I can't see my children, let alone my grandchildren! Now I have to watch my friends die slowly one-by-one! You're lucky that I live in a apartment because I could've been freezing my {BLEEP} off on the streets during winter as everybody makes fun of how short I am! I could've been Putin's successor! But no! You instead created a power vacuum to fill it! You kicked me, Shoigu, and Prigozhin to the ground! You handed Kuril Islands to Japan without consulting any of us and did the same with Crimea to Ukraine! And you pulled Russian troops out of Abkhazia too!
Prigozhin: *In Russian suddenly upset.* And I've been waiting for my money for Wagner Group! I run that private military company, you know! Where's my money?!
Shoigu: *In Russian with an upset tone.* And mine too for my private military company called Patriot? And like what Medvedev said, you destroyed my family as well; you got it to the point where I can't even see my own grandchildren; not even online!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Perhaps, you should just resign, because I am Putin's successor. It even said so on paper!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* With all this western indulgence flooding Russia, why do you decide to allow LGBTQ+ rights like America? Is this what you wanted? You even ended conscription despite the fact that Finland has constitutional conscription!
Shoigu: *In Russian* And this isn't the Russia we envisioned. What exactly is your vision for Russia? Do you really want Russia drowning in western overindulge, or a Russia held strong with morals?
*Finland*
Finisher: *In Finnish as she listens in with her communicator.* We have constitutional conscription to defend our homeland. We're only good at sniping and guerrilla tactics.
Soldier 1: *In Finnish* Exactly. Ignore these Russians. They're idiots anyways.
Soldier 2: *In Finnish* If we wanted to be evil invaders in Russia, all we have to do is ask Lennart to join us. But we know better because I have a girlfriend, and I can't wait to get married soon, so I can have lots of kids and teach them things like 3D printers and building computer-integrated desks.
Soldier 3: *In Finnish* Leku the Silent Lion sleeps well, you know, regardless of what happens in Russia. This is Finland after all.
Soldier 4: *In Finnish* Let Leonid take good care of Russia. The Russians deserve better lives. As long they ask us for help in that, we'll answer.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* What are you talking about? I didn't let Putin die of throat cancer; that's just the way it was! You may have been aiming to be Putin's successors, but that is not what the people wanted! I chose to follow the example of my American counterpart on purpose! He looks after his own nation first; that is what I am doing. And besides, have you not paid attention? Because we failed to prove ourselves with the doping scandals and those other controversies, we are not worthy of looking after other parts of the world. Our military is big enough to the point we don't need conscription.
I do want Russia to have good morals, but if we are going to do this right, we do not execute certain people.
*The families of the trio declare they want nothing to do with these people because they were Putin supporters. Leonid goes on with the speech.*
Leonid: *conclusion in Russian* If the people want me to step down, they'll vote me out and you in. That's how it should have been from the start. Remember Stalin's errors and do not repeat them. I am doing what I am doing in obedience to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Have I made myself clear?
*Cold Snare listens to the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" playing in his head, but stays silent.*
*USA*
*Leo and his administration watch a live stream of the argument between Leonid and the trio of troublemakers.*
Leo: *to Zax* I don't see what the problem is; do you?
*WC, KS, USA*
*The other G-52s watch the argument from Cripto's basement.*
Super C: What's his problem?
Cripto: I don't know, but according to the translations, they're demanding Leonid resign so they can turn Russia back to the way it was.
Laser Liger: Like Leo, Leonid promised he'd look out for everybody. That includes people who do go for the LGBTQ+ stuff. (narrating) I'm in the same boat Leo is on those topics; I can't wrap my head around why that appeals to certain people, but I don't give a dang about it either. They're Americans just like the rest of us, so our Constitution shall protect them.
*Russia*
Prigozhin: *In Russian* In obedience to THE WHAT?! Do you realize what that means?
Shoigu: *In Russian* Do you not know what you're letting in?
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh, good heavens, Leonid... What are you doing?!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Did you not learn anything about what Canada almost became under Justin Trudeau? Do you want pedophilic drag queens marching in to our schools teaching our children about disturbing topics like transgenderism? Do you want to live in a world where the government can force our children to undergo experimentation to see if it's really possible to change their sex for perverts to enjoy? Do you want the mentally ill to run the world and have innocent families torn apart?!
Shoigu: *In Russian* The worst part is that we don't have anyone like Rainier Belrose. Once Russia goes down that path, we are done!
Medvedev: *In Russian* I have a limit of what I could tolerate, but this has gone too far!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* One day, there will be a crossdressing lion by the name of Leona the {BLEEP} Lion waving the transgender flag with the pride flag strutting around in a leather harness and panties out in public while dancing on a pole on a parade float for the public to see!
Vladimir: *In Russian* I don't want to hear that again!
Leonid: (narrating in English) Nobody wants to hear that again.
Soldier 1: *In Russian* For someone who hates transgenders, you sure go to a lot of drag queen events to know this stuff in detail.
Soldier 2: *In Russian* You want to preach morality; yet you know these things. If you were truly a moral man, you wouldn't know these things in the first place.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* SHUT UP! All of you are puppets of the west! Even the Islamic countries are siding with the west, especially the Americans! How can any of you be comfortable with the idea of having {BLEEP} and liberals as your neighbors?! What contributions do they provide for society other than pornography and perversion?!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Iceland is a liberal country with a porn ban. Many countries are capable of supporting LGBTQ+ rights and traditional families where they can coexist peacefully without disturbance in society.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* That would never be possible for Russia!
Vladimir: *In Russian* It's why we also learn from Japan and China.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* It doesn't matter, because now Russia is a client state of the western perverts! This is going to alter Russia's future!
Vladimir: *In Russian* The policies you supported drove many Russians away. Luring them back is a challenge.
Shoigu: *In Russian* Thanks to you, America's military capabilities have surpassed all expectations and became the military capital of the world! Israel has left us and sided with the Americans! When you pulled our troops out of Abkhazia, the Americans took the opportunity to plant their corporations before letting their troops visit Abkhazia.
Vladimir: *In Russian* American soldiers do not go around causing violence and trouble in Abkhazia.
Shoigu: *In Russian* Then why do Americans enjoy selling their weaponry to the world? Thanks to them, everybody now have anti-air laser technology to shoot down planes and missiles before they even see their targets! We don't have a future for Russia! You sold us out to the foreigners! We are not supposed to be a liberal democracy!
Vladimir: *In Russian* You're right; we are a federal republic.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* We worked so hard to build mother Russia to be strong! Putin promised unity and a future for our families! As for the doping, it's an experiment to see if we can improve the physical capabilities of our soldiers so we use athletes who volunteer for this.
Vladimir: *In Russian* So that's what it was. You own so many corporations, you likely profited from this.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Just doing business stuff. These experimentations are part of preparing us against the GSAF and the Demons of Heaven, the later being lost and almost forgotten North Korean experiments. The Demons of Heaven are property of the UN1024, and their allies despite their allegiance and residence being in the reunited Republic of Korea, which was formerly South Korea.
Medvedev: *In Russian* This is wrong... Everything is all wrong! You sold us out! Kadyrov... He was a great comrade... And you killed him! Dagestan... You just let them become an independent nation because you didn't want to help them out and that whatever internal conflicts they have, that's on them? Shame on you!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Perhaps, you should go pick on someone your own size!
Medvedev: *In Russian* ENOUGH ABOUT MY HEIGHT! *Pulls out PP-2000 as everybody else draws out their guns.* You sold our future away! Now you got Americans hiding in nations bordering us! I could care less of what you claim about these Americans, there's American soldiers everywhere along with some of their allies!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Everything I did for you, and your marching bands, and this is how you pay me back?! *Draws out sledgehammer.* I'm going to bash the living daylights out of you and turn you into my personal hunting trophy for my home!
Shoigu: *In Russian as he draws out his Lebedev pistol.* This is where it ends, Leonid. You can go see Putin once we, let's say, take care of you.
Leonid: *in Russian* What the...?! What the heck are you doing?!
*The soldiers and mercenaries draw out their weapons and soon, a shootout begins.*
Soldier 1: *In Russian as he deploys a barrier to protect himself from gunfire.* Deploy the barriers!
Soldier 2: *In Russian* Affirmative! *He deploys a barrier to protect Leonid.*
Heartless Wagner Mercenary 1: *In Russian* I'm hit!
Heartless Wagner Mercenary 2: *In Russian after throwing a grenade.* Fire in the hole!
Shoigu: *In Russian to his Patriot mercenaries.* Don't let the beast get away!
Heartless Patriot Mercenaries: *In Russian* SIR; YES SIR!
Heartless Patriot Mercenary 1: *In Russian* Come out come out whenever you are!
Vladimir: *In Russian as he fires at the heartless.* There's so many of these heartless mercenaries! If we can stop their leaders, it should end them!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* I'M GOING TO {BLEEP} YOU UP! *Smashes his sledgehammer against a barrier, busting it open.* Who wants a piece of me?!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Nobody is going to be laughing at me any more; not after this!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Napoleon Syndrome, much? No wonder why you had to overcompensate before all of this!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh, shut up, you dog! *Fires his PP-2000 before reloading.* You want to make fun of my height? Come make fun of me and see what happens! I dare you!
Shoigu: *In Russian* Run all you want, but you will never hide!
*USA*
Zax: No. Leonid is doing everything right for Russia.
Mechayote: And I'm not going to bother translating what Prigozhin said about the LGBTQ+. It's pretty graphic and gross.
Zax: Don't.
Juno: Why is it that homophobes claim to have specific knowledge about alleged homosexual activity? If they don't like it, they wouldn't know about it.
Zax: Even more disturbing is that they have knowledge of such things more than what most gay people know about. Juno and I are gay, as you well know, but we don't know about whatever...uhm...interests they claim to know about.
*Sweden*
*Meanwhile in the Russian embassy, Igor, the Russian ambassador and a UN1024 dragon, is viewing the livestream and is disturbed by it.*
Igor: Who's Leona and where did Prigozhin get that name like that? Whatever claims he has against the LGBTQ+, they're quite graphic in knowledge to me. *Grabs his AEK-999 machine gun and speaks to Cripto on his headset through the G-52 app.* Hey, Cripto! Can you please give me a portal to the Kremlin so I can protect Leonid against the Russian three stooges? I'm going to deal with them so you don't have to because knowing one of them, lets just say it's really bad. As in darker and worse than Louis Loserberg bad. We Russians have seen far worse things, that you being born and raised in America is a blessing. No wonder why my people envy your country so much, that they basically traded their fortune for your country's citizenship. Our tech workers enjoy your country a lot that they wouldn't stop talking about how great your homeland is.
*WC, KS, USA*
Wrangler Wolf: *To Cripto* Hey, y'all. Looks like Igor needs you to teleport him to Moscow.
Cripto: *to Igor via the G-52 app; he speaks through a headset and mic of his own* One portal, coming up!
*He provides a portal for Igor.*
Cripto: *on mic* Okay, jump!
*Washington, DC, USA*
Leo: And I don't wish to know anything about that either, but we've already had that discussion. Still, everybody watch this.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* Drat! I now wish I hadn't let them in!
*He goes into action alongside Cold Snare, freezing the enemies as necessary. Meanwhile, the British G-52s arrive, due to the fact they were routinely patrolling the atmosphere, and happened to hear the ruckus.*
Firefox: Do we get involved?
Captain C: If it gets out of control, perhaps. But for now, let's let this play out.
*Thunder Fox also happens to pass by, and he tries to slow down the forces of evil by starting a rainstorm; he just does it so that it doesn't rain on the British G-52s. Igor leaps through the portal once it opens, and ends up in Russia in the Kremlin.*
Igor: *In Russian* Are you kidding me? If Captain Cosmo sees this, he will go on a rampage!
Prigozhin: *In Russian as he chases Leonid with his sledgehammer.* Don't bite the hand that feeds you!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh no a dragon!
Shoigu: *In Russian* Don't let him scare you! And it's raining outside!
Medvedev: *In Russian* The beasts and hippies have taken over Russia! I will not allow this!
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Zax: Putin's men have gone mad!
Juno: I don't know if we should get Captain Cosmo involved.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* Now you make it stop! We're not letting you return us to our former state!
*The battle is eventually broadcast on the world's news networks. Everybody prays hard, hoping Captain Cosmo doesn't notice it.*
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: Then I'm not going to tell him. He'll still know in the end because this will make the world's newspapers and other media.
*WC, KS, USA*
Super C: Whatever anybody does, do not...I repeat, do NOT...tell Captain Cosmo. I don't want him going berserk like he was when he was complaining about all those dopers.
*Russia*
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Stop running! *Thrusts his sledgehammer against some doors to bust them open.* Where are you? Show yourself! I know you're hiding behind the tables!
Shoigu: *In Russian* You know better than to run from your battles. You're a general and you're older than us!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Reveal yourself, you cowardly beast!
Igor: *In Russian as he shoots at the mercenaries.* Where are those stooges?
Vladimir: *In Russian* I'm looking for them, but their men keep throwing smoke grenades!
*Washington D.C., USA*
Zax: Good choice!
*Hanoi, Vietnam*
Chuong: *In Vietnamese as he becomes disturbed from watching the live news covering Russia.* Three idiots in the Kremlin? Good heavens... This is absolutely uncivilized!
*Russia*
*Leonid disappears and reappears in appropriate clothing, indicating he knows the martial art of sambo. He uses this against the enemies.*
Leonid: *in Russian* Take this!
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Tom the Patriotic Tiger: What martial art is he doing if he is doing one?
Leo: I believe that's called sambo. He's fighting civilized; he's not acting like Zangief from the Street Fighter games.
Tom: This looks like something out of an action movie.
*Vietnam*
Luong: *in Vietnamese* I think they're just furious because Putin is dead. And apparently Leonid knows the art of sambo.
*Russia*
*Prigozhin gets tossed against Shoigu and Medvedev knocking them down temporarily.*
Prigozhin: *In Russian as he grabs his sledgehammer.* Leave the lion to me!
Vladimir: *In Russian* There you are!
Shoigu: *In Russian* You take on the husky! I take on the dragon.
Medvedev: *In Russian* Yes, sir!
Igor: *In Russian* I still smell fresh blood of the Georgians from the Russo-Georgian War. We shouldn't have been involved in it since their problems are not ours!
Shoigu: *In Russian* You're too young to understand it even now.
Medvedev: *In Russian* How fun! I guess I'll take on this oversized puppy myself then! I should've sent you to Dagestan when I had the chance!
Vladimir: *In Russian* I don't take orders from tiny evil men like you!
Leonid: *in Russian* Whatever you do, don't let them get away with this!
*Meanwhile, the other heroes outside watch with their X-ray vision (those who have it).*
Firefox: How's he doing in there?
Warwolf: He's gaining the upper hand; he apparently knows the art of sambo.
Captain C: Sambo? I don't remember that one.
*The battle continues inside.*
Prigozhin: *Blocks Leonid's attacks with his sledgehammer.* Come a little closer!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he tosses his PP-2000 SMG away.* I can't score a hit on that husky! Give me a grenade launcher!
Heartless Patriot Mercenary 2: *In Russian as he tosses a RG-6 grenade launcher and ammo for Medvedev to catch.* Here you go comrade!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he readies his grenade launcher.* Much better! I can't wait to blow this dog into ashes!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Overcompensating now, are we?
Medvedev: *In Russian* You won't be laughing anytime soon! *He fires his grenades as Vladimir runs to avoid the explosions.* I'll take this Kremlin down with me if I have to since there will be no degenerates running Russia!
Shoigu: *In Russian* Should've known dragons prefer large caliber weaponry. *To a heartless Patriot mercenary.* I need bigger caliber!
Heartless Patriot Mercenary 3: *In Russian as he tosses a OSV-96 antimaterial rifle to Shoigu.* Here you go, comrade!
Shoigu: *In Russian as he catches his weapon.* Thanks! *To Igor in Russian.* I got you in my sights!
Igor: *In Russian as he looks for a place to hide.* I have to hide!
*Canada*
Courtney: This is Neanderthal level barbaric! Russia didn't have a proper government until Leonid came into power!
Kirk: This is Russia we're talking about; they have a history of legislative violence and a very lengthy one at it too. Leonid wants to put an end to this.
Noel: Apparently they didn't get the note that you don't promote Christianity through violence these days! Apparently they forgot the "Thou shall not kill." part. No wonder why karma came back to bite Putin with thyroid cancer after being jailed by the ICC.
Levi the Mountee Lion: You can say that again.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* You go ahead and hide.
*Cold Snare begins drumming, which also freezes the heartless.*
Leonid: *in Russian* Keep it up! *to Prigozhin* Oh, no, you don't!
*He grabs the hammer and destroys it with his super strength.*
Prigozhin: *In Russian* My sledgehammer shattered like glass! *He prepares to fight Leonid in sambo.* If it's sambo you want, then sambo you shall get!
Shoigu: *In Russian* What? *He looks at the destroyed sledgehammer.* If I don't do something about that lion and his allies here, I'm not going to be able to keep up!
Igor: *In Russian as he uses his Desert Eagle pistol to shoot Shoigu's OSV-96 to destroy it.* You can't.
Shoigu: *In Russian* Augh! I can't believe I used to work with Leonid together on national security matters during Putin's administration!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he reloads his grenade launcher.* Mine, too, when I was President of Russia briefly! I shall reclaim my seat from Leonid before he let's anymore degeneracy into this once glorious country! I'll never forgive him for handing Kuril Islands back to Japan immediately, before doing the same with Crimea to Ukraine!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Neither of them belonged to us in the first place; nor do we have the resources to take care of them! You are still as much of a murderer as Putin was!
*Washington D.C., USA*
Zax: So a catering chef of Putin, an ex-president, and a former general are taking on Leonid. This would make for an interesting story.
Juno: Something tells me this will end with tragedy for the trio, since they're going to realize how fruitless it is to try to defeat Leonid, just to take back his position and try to turn Russia backwards. Even their children prefer Leonid so they don't have to put up with state-sponsored violence and doping.
Jack: Leonid is handing their butts back to them and is Medvedev wearing absurdly thick boots? I think he's wearing heel inserts, too.
Juno: Yup! Putin did the same to try to make himself look taller. I'm a fennec fox and I'm taller than Medvedev without my ears.
Zachary: Customized Chelsea style boots and heel inserts it seems. These men are incredibly foolish to take on Leonid and the others. Come on Leonid! You got this like a pro!
Marshall: *Hands bags of popcorn to everybody.* This battle is popcorn-worthy. Watching these three stooges take on Leonid is more entertaining than scary.
Tom: (narrating) I think Marshall heard my comment about it looking like something from an action movie.
*Russia, Kremlin*
Leonid: *in Russian* En garde!
*The two fight.*
*Russia, outside*
*The British G-52s who have X-ray vision notice the battle.*
Captain C: What chance does that idiot have against him?
Warwolf: Slim to none, I'd say.
Firefox: It's a good thing I don't have me rocket launcher on me.
Super Claw: That would only make it worse.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Tom: And we didn't even have to buy tickets for this.
Leo: This does look like a fight scene out of a movie in cinemas. *He munches on some of the popcorn, little by little.* Caramel. Just like the Cracker Jack kind, but no prize in the box.
*Kremlin, Russia*
Igor: *In Russian* Let me help you, Vladimir! *He flies up to a chandelier to get a better view at Medvedev.*
Medvedev: *In Russian* I'll turn you into ashes! *Fires his grenade launcher at Igor.*
Igor: *In Russian as he flies away to avoid the grenade.* WHOA!
*The grenade hits the chandelier blowing it up causing it to fall and kill Prigozhin whilst Leonid nearly avoids it.*
Leonid: Whew! *He sees Prigozhin is mortally wounded.* Oh, no!
Prigozhin: AUGH! *In Russian to Leonid before he dies.* I gave you everything... My life, too...
Medvedev: *In Russian* Prigozhin! No! No...
Shoigu: *In Russian* You idiot! I told you to focus on Vladimir!
Vladimir: *In Russian to Medvedev.* That one is on you!
Medvedev: *In Russian* I can't deal with this! I'll finish you beasts off!
Shoigu: *In Russian* No wonder why Putin took your place as President again. *To Leonid as he pulls out a ballistic knife.* Now it's personal. Two generals, but only one of us can lead Russia. *He prepares to fight Leonid in sambo with his knife.*
Igor: *In Russian to Leonid.* Watch out; he's got a ballistic knife, meaning it can fire its blade at you!
*Washington D.C., USA*
Jack: Oh! Prigozhin is down!
Zax: What a way to go! Karma finally caught up to him!
Juno: Now it's just Medvedev and Shoigu.
Marshall: Now it's a battle between two Russian generals.
*Ukraine*
Zelensky: *In Ukrainian to Lyaksandro.* Your Russian parallel should consider acting in action movies after his presidency. He's more talented than I thought.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* What? No! I did not want Prigozhin to die! I wanted to save him for the law! *to Shoigu in a tone of righteous anger* I don't need a knife to beat the likes of you!
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: Oh, drat! I don't want these criminals to die; I'd rather they live to see the consequences of their actions!
Tom: Ironic; done in by his own comrade.
Leo: *to Marshall* I can see Leonid starring in action films now; the fact you got us popcorn made me think of that.
*Ukraine*
Lyaksandro the Cossack Lion: *in Ukrainian* What I cannot understand is why they are bothering to go after him. You heard their complaints. Those were not legitimate reasons, were they? I think Leonid's done the right by giving us back Crimea.
*Russia*
Shoigu: *In Russian* We'll see about that. Like Medvedev, I never got a chance to say goodbye to Putin either since you just let him die alone with thyroid cancer! For this, I shall avenge you for Putin! *He makes the first move with a right punch with his knife.*
*Medvedev runs and picks up a Saiga-12 automatic shotgun from a downed heartless mercenary before turning around only to get pounced by Vladimir.*
Medvedev: *In Russian as he pushes his shotgun against Vladimir's hands.* You foul beast!
Vladimir: *In Russian as he snarls and growls at Medvedev.* Puny war criminal! You shall see the survivors of the people you killed under your administration! You and Putin are both complicit!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he managed to kick Vladimir off of him before picking up his shotgun.* You did nothing when the mob went after Putin before sending him to the ICC! You're the traitor!
Igor: *In Russian* If you truly loved Russia, you wouldn't be sending our boys to cause havoc on innocent people in Georgia before they even had a chance to learn a trade! You would've stopped state-sponsored violence against your critics! We will make sure you live to see Levan the Kartvelian Lion as well, because he will never forget the war crimes you caused in his country during your presidency!
*Washington D.C., USA*
Marshall: I didn't think of it that way, but I am so glad your Russian parallel exists.
Zax: Though I'd rather not mention this, but Eterna has Lady Valmia, who's a judge. Let's just say that she has field days with Russian war criminals.
Juno: In other words, the punishment she sentences them to is beyond eternal torture in their afterlives.
Zachary: Russia has been doing disturbingly graphic war crimes since Ivan the Terrible. The Circassian Genocide is a perfect example of this, which is still felt about 200 years later after the event. Even though the Circassians are known as Adyghe today, some of them prefer being called Circassian to remind others about the Circassian Genocide.
Bob: From what I understand about it, I would imagine Leonid got sick when he heard what was happening there. At the time, the Russian Empire claimed they were promoting Christianity and fighting Islam.
Marshall: It sounds like the Russian Orthodox Church has been justifying and promoting violence for way too long.
Bob: Exactly. About time they start preaching peace, kindness, family, and community, or at least that's the expectation of Christianity today.
*Ukraine*
Zelensky: *In Ukrainian* No, I don't think so. Nobody says goodbye to war criminals. As for Crimea, it does belong to Ukraine and I made sure that there are no discrimination there. Leonid makes life easier for both his people and the world. Just look at the geography of Crimea; it shares a land with mainland Ukraine. The sea separates it from Russia.
*Sweden*
Elias: *In Swedish* I guess Prigozhin had too much sin in him that there's not enough soap to wash all that off from him. Sadly, he got done in by Medvedev's friendly fire, and he (Prigozhin) used to serve him as his catering chef. Now that's irony at its finest right there.
*London, UK*
Dalton: *Is watching the fight on TV with Lionus.* Ooooh! That's the worst way to go; being done in on accident by your own comrade. *On his headset to the British G-52s.* What's your status, and how are things looking so far?
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* Your weapons don't scare me!
*He dodges the attack by doing a spectacular front flip. Then he counters with moves of his own, eventually jeopardizing the chances of the enemy getting to him. The knife instead damages the wall. Outside, the British G-52s talk to Dalton.*
Captain C: We're outside the Kremlin right now, Dalton. We haven't gone inside because we didn't want to get in the way, and now we wish we had (somewhat), because of the man dying by his own friend's actions.
Warwolf: Some people won't ever rehabilitate, though.
Captain C: However, Leonid's putting up a heck of a fight. I think it's going to turn in his favor.
*London, UK*
*Lionus joins in the chat.*
Lionus: I have to second you on that; what happens in Russia is its own problems, so maybe it is best you didn't intervene.
*Ukraine*
Lyaksandro: *in Ukraine* Exactly.
*Sweden*
Lennart: *in Swedish* Oh, the irony; dying by the acts of his own associate.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: That is the expectation. I've met Valmia because she once examined my darkness level and commented on my threshold. She's said I'm making progress in that regard, though. But no doubt she's going to have a field day with these three in the event they end up in her presence.
*London, UK*
Dalton: Oh, good. Best to stay out of this to be safe.
*Washington D.C., USA*
Zax: Oh, good. I worry that Russia has a heartless problem due to its history, but Leonid is saving the country.
Juno: Russia used to be rife with extreme homophobia to the point that there would be state-enforced violence against homosexuals.
*Russia*
Shoigu: *In Russian as he notices the knife's handle is missing from him and from the knife.* My handle! Guess I'll just use my hands then! *He wrestles against Leonid.*
Cold Snare: *In Russian as he pushes in a recall pod.* Throw Shoigu in here so we can send him to the ICC!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he checks into a set of cabinets and picks up a can of air freshener.* Perfect!
Igor: *In Russian* Air freshener?
Medvedev: *In Russian* Alone it is. *He quickly takes out a lighter and uses it in combination with the air freshener to create a flamethrower.* Now it's a flamethrower!
Igor: *In Russian as he nearly dodges the flames.* Watch out; he's got a flamethrower! *To Medvedev.* You're going to use a flamethrower against a dragon?
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh; I was just demonstrating my techniques! I'll kill you with a shotgun then the husky with the flamethrower!
Igor: *In Russian* Shotgun pellets against an armored dragon? I guess your body isn't the only thing that is short in which I'm referring to your intelligence.
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh! Now you've done it! *He fires with his grenade launcher again before using his lighter and air freshener flamethrower combination.*
Vladimir: *In Russian as he grabs a fire extinguisher and uses it on Medvedev to disable his lighter so he can't make an improvised flamethrower.* Chill down!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he throws his lighter and air freshener away.* I'm going to turn you into my personal fur coat to keep myself warm in Russia's winter.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: And the trio of troublemakers were mad at him because he's not going with the homophobic history they've shown. *He turns back to the screens.* Now they're wrestling! Oh! He got him by pinfall!
Tom: Oh, wow!
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* Okay; I'm trying! Wait; this ought to do it!
*After getting Shoigu off him, Leonid performs a body slam on him and manages to pin him. Crush isn't present, so Cold Snare acts as the "ref" by slapping the floor three times.
Cold Snare: *in Russian* One! Two! Three!
*Leonid then picks up Shoigu and throws him in the recall pod. Then he talks to Medvedev.*
Leonid: *in Russian* And for your information, nobody wears fur coats anymore!
*Sweden*
*Lennart and the others keep watching the fight.*
Lennart and people in Riskdag: *chanting in Swedish* Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
*WC, KS, USA*
Super C: He got him by pinfall! He'd give the humans in WWE a run for their money!
Cripto: And this isn't even staged; this is all ad-lib! But yes; Chris Jericho's got nothing on him.
*Washington D.C., USA*
Bob: Yeah! Get him!
Zax: Excellent since Russia has a large gay furry community like here. Actual Russians desire to be more like us yet Putin and his supporters give them a bad name.
Juno: Canada has a large gay furry population as well.
Marshall: Don't forget that transgender furries do exist and that the new public restroom stalls provide more privacy per individual. Remember, public is for everybody yet everyone likes privacy.
*Sweden*
Elias: *In Swedish* Oh, yeah; get it!
*Germany*
Warlord Wolf: *In German as he helps pass around 1 liter glass mugs of beer to the citizens watching the Kremlin fight on the giant monitors in the convention halls.* Here's your beer!
American Tourist 1: Yo! Does Super C know you're doing this?
Warlord Wolf: Yes, he does, and he knows this is part of our culture and hospitality as long I'm not drinking. Would you like a free beer?
American Tourist 1: Don't mind if I do.
Warlord Wolf: *Hands the beer to the tourist.* Please enjoy your free ice cold beer.
American Tourist 1: Sweet! Thanks!
American Tourist 2: Oooh; yeah! Show him who's boss, Leonid!
Civilian 1: *In German as he drinks beer.* Yeah, Leonid; let's go!
Civilian 2: *In German as he raises his beer mug.* It's party time, everybody!
Convention Staff 1: *In German as he passes around beer.* Beer! Beer! Beer for everybody!
Convention Staff 2: *In German* Free beer for Leonid's victory!
Super C: (narrating) Warlord Wolf is correct; while I forbid my recruits to drink, smoke, or do harm to their bodies in any way, but he's not in trouble if he's serving beer to the citizens and tourists. Germany wouldn't exist without beer; in fact, you can go into any McDonald's in that country and get a beer with your Big Mac. I'd just drink a soda myself, but then again, I rarely, if ever, order food from McDonald's.
*Japan*
Civilian 1: *In Japanese* Let's go, Leonid!
Civilian 2: *In Japanese* Check it out, Ryo! Your Russian parallel is tough!
Civilian 3: *In Japanese* A fight for world peace!
Civilian 4: *In Japanese* Let's make some noise everybody!
*Everybody cheers for Leonid in Japanese, from the bars to the homes.*
*Russia*
Shoigu: *In Russian as he knocks on the door but he's locked in the recall pod.* No! I have lost! I have failed to prove myself worthy for the rank of Marshal of the Russian Federation... I'm so sorry, Putin... I never even got to say goodbye to you. *In Russian to Leonid.* You won... You've proven yourself capable of leading this great country and therefore worthy of the rank of Marshal of the Russian Federation. Our generals and Forsythians will promote you to that rank where even after your presidency, our military will forever be under your command as long as you live. It is not an easy task, but only you have proven yourself worthy and capable for it. If you see my children and grandchildren, please tell them that I love them.
Medvedev: *In Russian* Drats! It's just me! Alone... *He slowly drops his weapons as the Russian soldiers finally surround him.* So this is how it ends with me... My money, properties, home, family, friends... Gone... You took everything from me! You even made me kill Russia's best catering chef and businessman on accident! At least you kept Shoigu alive but even that, I will never see him again after this. What more can you possibly take from me? All that's left of me is my dignity. I rather you take my life and spare me this misery and suffering that I must go through! *He grabs Vladimir's hand, which is holding a Desert Eagle pistol. He holds his hand and pistol to point it directly under his chin, pressing under it.* Vladimir Kosov... Please pull the trigger and end my suffering...
Igor: *In Russian* Vladimir... You know what happens if you do that.
Vladimir: *In Russian before he closes his eyes.* Are you sure about this?
Medvedev: *In Russian* Yes... Just do it. I cannot deal with this anymore. My life was in vain... Let me be with Putin and Prigozhin in the afterlife, so I can be in peace with them. None of you will allow me to see my children and grandchildren.
Vladimir: *In Russian after pulling the trigger, which only makes a single click.* I pulled the trigger.
Medvedev: *In Russian* Your gun is empty.
Vladimir: *In Russian* Like your future.
*He opens his eyes again.*
Medvedev: *In Russian* What use is keeping an empty man like me alive for? What is it that I have that you're looking for?
Vladimir: *In Russian* Answers... Do you remember that time when you ordered our troops to invade Georgia than to choose diplomacy?
*He removes the gun from Medvedev's chin.*
Medvedev: *In Russian* I did... I just wanted to protect people.
Vladimir: *In Russian* By engaging in violence? Levan the Kartvelian Lion had to watch you murder his people! You shot them, burned them, and bombed them right before his eyes! Women, children, fathers, you took their future and everything away from them! Their survivors still live with the pain you caused on them to this day.
Medvedev: *In Russian* But NATO was expanding around us.
Vladimir: *In Russian* And you gave them reasons to do that! None of you knuckleheads knew what diplomacy was! You could just simply talk things out! Your rashness is why Prigozhin is dead. You caused it when you were given the chance to stop.
Igor: *In Russian* You have way too much to answer for. When you were President, you continued to support state-sponsored violence. You murdered not only Georgians, but also innocent Russians who criticized you. You targeted our journalists, threatened children, and even our own troops who just wanted to do nothing with Georgia. What about the persecution of the LGBT community? After we try you here, you go to the ICC, where you will meet the survivors of the victims you killed. You will not only meet Levan the Kartvelian Lion there, you will also meet Russian troops who took part of this and how they really feel about you. Boys prefer learning skills and trades before being soldiers. Those who are soldiers prefer to be defenders. Fathers want to teach their children trades, skills, and values so they can grow up and repeat the circle of life for generations to come to improve their communities for the world. Like Putin, you're no different from the likes of Hitler and Stalin.
Medvedev: *In Russian* What was Kriegland like?
Igor: *In Russian* Krieglandonians do not engage in genocide or engage in indiscriminate murder on the battlefield. *To Leonid in Russian.* Tell Medvedev about Georgia. Tell him everything of the horrors you have to put up with under his administration, which was no different from Putin. Tell him about Chechnya, the corruption with Putin, the targeting of journalists, and violent silencing of his critics. Tell him everything that happened under him in great detail because he must remember them until the day he leaves our world.
Soldier 1: *In Russian* What about the leaked files about you supporting Putin's plan to send us to Ukraine when we have no interests in that.
Soldier 2: *In Russian* I swore to defend this country, not to commit murder in other countries.
Soldier 3: *In Russian* You're a sick man! I don't know if you're even human! You must be a monster disguised as one!
Soldier 4: *In Russian* And why do you care about Crimea more than our well being? What does that have to do with mainland Russia? We shouldn't have annexed it back in 2014 and I'm glad we gave it back to Ukraine and that Zelensky will make sure nobody is discriminated there!
Soldier 5: *In Russian* You and Putin are basically the same evil men.
Soldier 6: *In Russian* And if the Americans are evil like you claim they are, why do they show so much compassion towards us? Their soldiers treat us better than you would!
Soldier 7: *In Russian* I have little children and I will not raise them to cause harm in other countries you monster! I teach them skills and trades because that's what our country needs more of!
Soldier 8: *In Russian* Like Putin, you are a disgrace of a president and a traitor to our nation! Wherever you join him at in the afterlife, it's going to be very hot, and it's not Vietnam!
Soldier 9: *In Russian* You don't even belong in purgatory, and may God have mercy on you because you will find none during your life!
Soldier 10: *In Russian* You have so much blood on your hands, it's unspeakable.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: Indeed. I believe there were a few transgender furs on one of those rocket launches we attended in person.
Tom: Was that a Blue Origin spacecraft?
Leo: I believe so. *He looks at the screen again.* Score! Leonid wins the battle!
*WC, KS, USA*
Doughty Dog: Leonid wins!
Cripto and Rockin' Roarer together: All right; ROCK ON!
*The Rockin' Roarer makes the "heavy metal horns" gesture with both hands while posing.*
Membranophone Mouse: But why did the one guy want Vladimir to kill him?
Super C: He didn't want to deal with going to prison, I guess. He is eventually going to suffer in Hades; there's no question about that. Vladimir is not in any trouble.
*Because the battle is won, it is now safe for Super C to contact Captain Cosmo.*
Super C: *via app to Vladimir* Hi. It's Super C. No need to worry; we all saw the whole thing on live television, but you're not in trouble because you did spare the man. *to Captain Cosmo, now using the app's party line mode, so multiple people can hear him talk* Hi, Cosmo. Chances are you may have seen it on the news, but did you know your president just beat the heck out of 3 Putin supporters just now? I promise you Hollywood wants him to be in the movies after that; that was amazing!
*Japan*
Ryo: *in Japanese* That's my parallel, all right!
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian to Shoigu* I shall gladly accept that position. I was a military general back in my heyday. I know you love your children and grandchildren, and I think I can arrange that. What I cannot guarantee is if they love you back. *to the soldiers* Okay. Get him out of here!
Leonid: *to Medvedev in Russian* I didn't make you accidentally kill him; you did it yourself.
*He then goes into great detail about all the topics Igor suggested: Putin's corruption, the war for Chechnya, and Putin silencing his critics and targeting journalists.*
Leonid: *conclusion in Russian* And so we plan to bring you before my Georgian counterpart if nobody else, and remember, I have a ton of parallels. It was his people you hurt. It is his people to whom you owe an apology. I just wish you three could have peacefully talked it out with me; then our chef wouldn't have died. I did try to reason with you. But did you listen? No. Now just sit there silence and think about it. Your time to talk will come. *to soldiers* Now get him out of my sight!
*Outside the Kremlin, the British G-52s speak to Lionus and Dalton as the soldiers officially arrest the two remaining troublemakers.*
Warwolf: Mission accomplished! All suspects apprehended!
*Sweden*
Lennart: *in Swedish* And...victory! Had he been one of us, he would have done Odin and Valhalla so proud. For Valhalla!
Everybody: *in Swedish* FOR VALHALLA!
*Canada*
Levi: Mission accomplished! He beat them!
*Russian Embassy, USA*
Captain Cosmo: *In Russian* Leonid would make a perfect actor for action movies. I knew he would win against those evil men!
*Moscow, Russia*
*As the police transports Medvedev and Shoigu to jail, there is a crowd outside cheering for Leonid as they wave Russian flags along with the rainbow flags and transgender pride flags. There are also some people waving a modified Russian flag, which is white, blue, white, instead of white, blue, and red. The modified Russian flag symbolizes peace.*
Civilian 1: *In Russian* Evil and tyranny is gone! Russia is finally free and peaceful!
Civilian 2: *In Russian* Homophobia and transphobia has come to an end! Let there be love for all!
Civilian 3: *In Russian* A great future has opened up for our motherland! We are truly open to the world!
Civilian 4: *In Russian* We can finally leave our past and make Russia a better country for us!
Civilian 5: *In Russian* Thank you, Leonid, for saving us from darkness!
Vladimir: *In Russian to Igor.* You know better than to assume that I would never do such a thing.
Igor: *In Russian* Scared me for a moment right there. Our country has seen way more than enough graphic imagery throughout our history.
Vladimir: *In Russian* Now we have to defend our homeland as our people rebuild it. Not everybody can be a soldier, nor do they want to be one.
Igor: *In Russian* The oligarchs claimed to draw inspiration from our Krieglandonians. Too bad, they wanted to use them for the wrong reasons.
Vladimir: *In Russian* The Forsythians came here to live better lives. The Krieglandonians never intended to make other worlds as depressing and sad as their own. Even they find our modern wars pointless.
*Sweden*
Elias: *In Swedish* Too bad I didn't send Prigozhin extra soap for him to wash himself from sin before he left us.
General 1: *In Swedish* He was beyond redemption.
General 2: *In Swedish* We have beautiful soap bars.
Elias: *In Swedish* Got to love Lush, a British store chain known for their soap and bath bombs.
General 2: *In Swedish* I know plenty of local Swedish stores that make artisanal soap and bath bombs for less without compromising quality.
*Hanoi, Vietnam*
Chuong: *In Vietnamese* It's finally over! No more evil Russian men and homophobia there. One big step closer to world peace.
*Washington D.C., USA*
*The administration cheers wildly as some of the popcorn goes out everywhere (except Leo because he still has the bellowing capabilities; he still claps, however).*
Zax: Oh, yeah; that's what I'm talking about!
Marshall: It's finally over! It's over! Russia is saved!
Bob: Nice one Leonid!
Mechayote: WHOOOOOOOOOO! GET IT!
Shadow Hunter: All right! Russia is saved!
Juno: A big turning point for Russia towards a much better future!
*All around the world, everybody breaks into applause so loudly, that their cheering and clapping can be heard in Russia despite the people not being there.*
*Moscow, Russia*
*Leonid steps outside and takes a bow before he speaks at a podium with microphones.*
Leonid: *in Russian* Thank you, everybody. Sorry it took so long. *Some laughter.* I have to admit, I now wish I hadn't let those guys inside the Kremlin, but I wanted to peacefully talk things out with them. The fact I wanted to restructure us so that we follow the example of the United States was inspired by my American counterpart's evaluations, and the advice they gave him was that if he was going to look out for his people, then he should follow the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. In Article 2 of that document, it says, "Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, color, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty." That does include you people in the LGBTQ+ crowd.
I don't have time to go through the whole declaration, but it's worth mentioning that article, as well as Article 16. 16 says the following:
1. Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
2. Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
3. The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.
I intend to keep it that way, whereas these attacks wanted it to go back to the way it was, where those of you who do not identity with the gender-binary system (meaning male and female, and that's it) were seen as criminals just because you existed. Anybody who protested against what Putin wanted was imprisoned or killed. I do not want to imagine what is happening to him right now in the afterlife, because it is way too graphic to even speak about. I think you can guess what it is, though.
In any event, they're gone. I just need some help repairing the damage they did to the Kremlin. That's a different subject matter, though.
*The speech continues. Leonid pauses at one point because of how the whole globe is applauding so loudly.*
Leonid: *in Russian* Oh, wow; the entire world is applauding. We can hear them. I hope they don't break their hands from clapping too hard.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: And we apparently made a mess of the place in the process. How embarrassing!
Tom: I'll go get a vacuum.
*He does so as everybody cleans up the mess.*
Leo: Let's also hear what he wants to say now; I think he's going to speak.
*The speech airs. Translations are provided for the benefit of viewers who don't speak Russian.*
*WC, KS, USA*
Super C: *to Captain Cosmo via app* I have to second you on that. I just didn't want anybody to tell you because I didn't want you to go bonkers over it. But then I thought, "Well, the embassy he works at probably has TVs; he'll know anyway."
*Sweden*
Lennart: *in Swedish* Beyond redemption; that's a good way to put it.
*Vietnam*
Luong: *in Vietnam* I just wish the foursome could have peacefully talked things out in the first place, but no; they had to resort to violence. That's what bothered me about the whole thing.
*Russian Embassy, USA*
Captain Cosmo: I did see the whole thing and thought twice about my actions.
Super C's voice: Okay; just checking.
Super C: (narrating) Cosmo held himself in, so that was good.
Leonid: (narrating) I think I scared myself more than anybody, but it helps to practice the art of sambo.
*Later, the Kremlin is repaired as Medvedev has been tried in Russia on treason and corruption charges before being transferred to the ICC for war crimes in the Russo-Georgian War.*
*International Criminal Court*
*Georgian citizens and soldiers give their opening statements. Formerly involved Russian soldiers also give their statements against Medvedev. Below is just a summary of the stories.*
Russian Soldier 1: He told us that there were NATO agents in Georgia. We did not see them because we did not know that NATO is actually an informal alliance today. We did not even see any Americans or their allies there.
Russian Soldier 2: I was in Abkhazia, and I did not see any Georgian soldiers there. But we did start shooting when the protestors started rioting against us, because we were trying to protect ourselves.
Russian Soldier 3: I never intended to do these things in Georgia, but I did them because if I did not, I would be killed by my own troops. I was told to look for anyone from NATO but I saw nobody from that. I don't even know my purpose of my involvement in this but either I do my job and live or I get executed. I have children and we fled to Canada after this war. I'm glad you called me here to give my testimony.
Russian Soldier 4: I was in Ossetia, and I didn't see any Georgian soldiers on my end. But then I was told to go further down south, and there they were. I begged them to spare me, because I decided to surrender in secret so I can tell them what I was really doing, and how I felt about this. I figured it would be better than to be ordered to kill anyone indiscriminately. After this war, Medvedev declared that Ossetia and Abkhazia are independent ethnic states within the Russian Federation at the time, and that Russian passports will be processed for them. When I wrapped my mind around this later, I had no idea that this entire was was about conquering Abkhazia and Ossetia. What was the point of all of this when this situation never involved us in the first place?
Judge: So all of you were under orders to fight. *The Russian soldiers nod before he turns to Medvedev after reading out his crimes.* How do you plead?
Medvedev: Guilty.
Judge: So all this suffering on everybody's side all because you were paranoid of NATO?
Medvedev: They kept inviting surrounding countries around Russia to join them. To me, it was a legitimate threat.
Judge: Do you know why you have two ears and one mouth?
Medvedev: What does that have to do with this?
Judge: You used your mouth to speak before your ears to listen. You have two ears and one mouth so that you can listen more than you can speak. You could have asked NATO and anyone involved in it of their actual intents. But no, you had to make assumptions and rally up violence in Georgia out of your paranoia.
As stated earlier, you killed families in Georgia, who have no part of any of this whatsoever. Mothers just want to raise their children and fathers just want to teach them skills after work. Now we have Georgians with broken families here with us telling their memories of what they had to witness. You shelled their homes, businesses, and livelihood. Even if Georgia is rebuilt today, the memories are still there. The souls you took under your administration will be resting heavily on you, including the Russian troops who died under your orders and administration.
Just like Putin, you are also responsible for all the suffering and losses you have caused on your own people, too. Everybody is going to learn about your mistakes to make sure they are never repeated in our world. Before I send you off to prison, it seems that Levan the Kartvelian Lion has some final statements for you. *To Levan.* Any last words you want to say to Medvedev for his war crimes in your country before I sentence him to life in prison? This is unspeakable, and let's be honest, no different from the war crimes Stalin and Hitler have committed.
Kyu the Hwarang Lion: (narrating in English) Hi there; sorry to interrupt, but while all this was going on, over in my country there were other trials going on the same time. The ones happening here go back to that crazy crowd crush we experienced last year on Halloween night, in which 200 people were killed. Thus, the police chief was tried on counts of negligence and public endangerment for allowing the crush to happen. This is not the same sort of crush as the crowd crush in Australia.
*Seoul, Korea*
*A police chief is being tried in court for negligence of duty and manslaughter charges for allowing the 2022 Seoul Halloween Crowd Crush to happen.*
Judge: *In Korean* Your device was alerting you several times about the increased number of people and was also vibrating. Because you goofed off while drinking some soju (Korean rice wine) on the job, this is why at least 200 people died and thousands were injured. It was part of your job description to order police to direct heavy crowds like that.
Police Chief: *In Korean* Seoul always had crowds, and not once did we have any problems with it.
Judge: *In Korean* It still shouldn't have gotten that bad to the point that the crowds were spilling out into Kyu's neighborhood causing property damage, forcing him to hide in his home for his safety. Never mind the fact that the C.I.D.F. had to fly around to carry people out of broken windows in midair from the crowd surge. *To Kyu in Korean.* He already pled guilty. Did you wish to say anything to him before I sentence him to prison?
*ICC*
*Leonid is present at the trial, since he had to testify against Medvedev also.*
Levan the Kartvelian Lion: I really don't know what to say because I usually proclaim I want nothing to do with people like him, especially when you consider the fact he's lowered himself to the levels of Stalin and Hitler, and in a different respect, the old version of Bendraqi. Still, your time has not yet come, but when it does, you'll have to stand before the Lord and explain all your sins to Him. And His judgments will be way harsher than what you are getting here, believe me. Think about that as you spend the rest of your life behind bars, or behind a solid concrete door, as the case may be. Nobody uses bars anymore, do they?
Leonid: Not that we know of, no.
Levan: Still, you did what you did, and you can't escape it. *to the judge* I'm done.
*Korea*
Kyu: *in Korean* You had one job, and you failed! That's all I will say so that I do not rub it in.
*The judges in both countries sentence all criminals in question to life in prison.*
Leonid: (narrating in English) There you have it; that was my audition in a nutshell. Not really, but according to the jokes people were making, by fighting that battle, I was auditioning to start in one of those action movies Hollywood like to make, although many of those films are films the G-52s don't really watch. Then it turned into a wrestling match, and it wasn't even staged. Go figure.
Still, justice was served, and Russia was free rom the tyranny that was attacking it. Don't let anybody say that I have failed the motherland. The ones attacking me? They failed the motherland by doing what they did, when they thought they had succeeded. And that's all I'm going to say about that one.
Get yourself a good night's sleep now, since you're safe from the threats. Good night.
THE END
-----------------------------------------
Leonid the Action Hero
Leonid the Cold Lion: (narrating in English) You know me as Leonid the Cold Lion, but my real surname is Markowsky, and I'm currently serving as the President of the Russian Federation. Ever since the people elected me into office (although some argue that I successfully but unconsciously performed a coup without even knowing it), there have been haters going after me, all of which were supporters of Vladimir Putin, claiming that I was destroying Russia instead of keeping it as the way it was supposed to be. But because my American counterpart had been asked to study the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, in order to improve his relationships with people that made him uncomfortable (namely the LGBTQ+ crowd), all his parallels (including me) who were in office decided we would do the same. Thus, my administration is not persecuting LGBTQ+ people, but instead working to ensure that they are seen as people, too. Like the rest of us, they work jobs to put food on the table, pay the bills and taxes, and act as productive members of society.
However, I worry I made a big mistake, even if I hadn't. Why? Well, before you make assumptions, it had nothing to do with me losing my temper. That's what got me into trouble to start with, and given I overreacted when Super C fined me, I paid him seven times the amount. This goes back to all the doping scandals.
Super C: (narrating) "There's no need for you to bankrupt yourself!" I protested when he gave me the check. "It wasn't that bad, was it?" He thinks it was.
Leonid: (narrating in English) It was one of the primary reasons that I decided that if mainland Russia couldn't take care of herself, then she wasn't worthy of looking after other parts of the world that she was either annexing (i.e. Crimea), already controlling (i.e. Chechnya), or fighting with somebody else over (i.e. Krull Islands; those now belong to Japan). Those things weren't ours to start with, and they never should have been ours.
Putin's supporters have hated me for it ever since. There were only three major supporters left, and they were the angriest of all. They decided they wanted revenge on me, in the hopes I'd step down so they could step in and start terrorizing the nation again. The mistake I made, therefore, was letting them to talk me, because I thought I could peacefully reason with him. What happened afterwards? Well, you'll have to read to find out.
Cue the action.
*Later, the last of Putin's supporters and former politicians under him are plotting a coup in Moscow against Leonid. Medvedev, former career politicians under Putin, Shoigu, former Russian Army general, and Prigozhin, mercenary, businessman, and caterer chef, are among of what's left of Putin's regime before his death.*
*Russia*
Prigozhin: *In Russian as he sets up his camera and communication equipment to speak to Elias through livestream.* Leonid has no idea that he's making Russia extremely vulnerable! He broke up this nation into separate individual ethnic states and dissolved several organizations, such as the Commonwealth of Independent States. He sold us out to the west and Sweden is importing our nuclear materials! Elias claims he is not developing nuclear weapons but how can we be so sure? He claims that the International Atomic Energy Agency makes regular visits in Sweden to make sure that there are no nuclear weapons complete with visual evidence!
Shoigu: *In Russian* Leonid is a fool to allow western influences to flood in Russia. He claimed that Russia has always allowed western influences, since we allowed western diplomats in St. Petersburg.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* And not too long ago, I went to St. Petersburg and I saw a beer garden with a giant rainbow banner that reads "Gay furries are welcome here!" in English! I thought Leonid wouldn't allow this! I wouldn't!
Medvedev: *In Russian* I don't know what's gotten into Leonid, but this is not the future I envisioned for Russia. Before that, I think your equipment is ready.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* All right. *In English to Elias.* There you are! You must be one of Leo's pawns! You need to stop importing our nuclear goods and boosting your military! You and the European Union, even if you claim its an informal organization, are a threat to Russia!
*Stockholm, Sweden*
Elias: *In English* Uhm... No. We don't develop nuclear weapons these days. Second, if I really wanted to cause havoc on others, I don't need a nuke. Third, Sweden is wide open. Just bring yourself and your men to my country and tell me where you're at so I can meet you by myself.
Prigozhin's Voice: Wait... I'm not falling for that trap, you trickster! I will not allow that beastly barbarian lion to toss me to Valhalla!
Elias: Only the worthy gets to see Valhalla, so you don't have to worry about it, because you won't get to see Lennart anyways. *In Swedish to his generals and Lennart.* Don't worry about me. I got this. I know how to deal with such men, if you can call them that.
General 1: *In Swedish* If anything happens to you, Lennart will be your successor.
General 2: *In Swedish* And you know you don't want that.
Elias: *In Swedish* It's fine; I got it.
Prigozhin's Voice: Still not falling for your tricks! Behind every European tree is a sniper! Your country must be loaded with them! One would have to be desperately stupid to even touch your country! Every idiot who dares invade the kingdom of Vikings has never made it out alive!
Elias: I said I would meet you alone, so no worries about my snipers. If you want to talk to me in Sweden with your men, you can.
Prigozhin's Voice: Then you will pull the White Death on us like Finland did a century ago! Second, you're a huge dragon!
Medvedev's Voice: *In Russian* Leave that dragon be. The Swedes won't do a thing to us. Second, I don't want to deal with him. It's bad enough that everybody makes fun of my short stature. Let's focus on Leonid.
Prigozhin's Voice: You know what, Elias? You can just stay in your frozen wasteland with a bunch of smelly axe-wielding barbarians like the Swede you are! We'll dispose of Leonid, and then we will deal with you next!
Elias: Okay. Be glad you're not talking to Lennart like that, because we all know where that's going to end up. I wouldn't even wish that on you. Second, just in case you leave this world, Vikings were known to make soap and were more hygienic than knights back in those times. I can send you a package of soap so that you can clean yourself of your sins in hopes that you can reach heaven. *He disconnects from the livestream on Prigozhin and speaks in Swedish to his generals and Lennart.* Give it a moment because I will guarantee you that those threats are empty. Let him deal with Leonid.
Lennart the Viking Lion: (narrating in English) Ironic, isn't it? The knights of England were supposed to be more chivalrous than us Vikings. Yet, who had the better hygiene? We did.
General 1: *In Swedish* We trust your judgement then.
Elias: *In Swedish* Good. *In English on his smartphone to Leo.* Leo, Prigozhin and his idiots are going to take on Leonid. Just let the Russian heroes deal with this themselves. As a foreigner, just watch what happens when the last of Putin's supporters take on Leonid. Lets just say, it's either going to be hilarious or tragic.
*Russia*
Prigozhin: *In Russian as he packs up his equipment and loads them into his truck.* Hmph! We'll deal with that barbaric beast of Sweden later then!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Don't forget that dragon since he's worse just by looking at him.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* The heck with him since we got dragons too! But first, let us pay a visit to the Kremlin!
Shoigu: *In Russian* I have some words with Leonid myself too.
*The men get in their trucks with Prigozhin's mercenaries, who are heartless, as they drive to Moscow.*
Soldier 1: *In Russian* Sorry sir! This is a restricted area!
Soldier 2: *In Russian* You better not!
*Once the men and mercenaries park their trucks and get out with weapons drawn, Prigozhin pulls out his Lebedev pistol without the suppressor on it.*
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Alright junior. Listen up. We just want to see Leonid, so we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Second, I was his personal catering chef, so he knows me.
Medvedev: *In Russian with a PP-2000 SMG out.* We used to be close to him. But ever since he took Putin's place, he sent his men to confiscate our wealth! I lost my properties, my money, and now my own family through a divorce! I now live in a apartment and even the fennec fox furries make fun of my height! How much more with these insults can I take? I have suffered enough! Just let me talk to Leonid. Let me see him. Please?
Soldier 2: *In Russian* Leonid said you engaged in cronyism and stole our tax rubles.
Medvedev: *In Russian* I don't care! He destroyed my life and he's going to leave me to die alone slowly and painfully! I've lived a modest life from the beginning anyways, and now you made me look like a beggar off the streets! You're lucky that I didn't go homeless freezing my {BLEEP} out on the streets during winter! And the worst part is that I didn't even get to say goodbye to Putin before he died from thyroid cancer. I have to watch my friends die slowly and painfully one-by-one before my time comes after losing my wealth and family. I'm not going to even see my own grandchildren because of this! All this time I spent close to Leonid, meeting his marching bands, Prigozhin preparing them the best dishes they have, and this is how he pays me back! He didn't bother to save Putin when the masses went after him and sent him to the ICC, where they sentenced him to a maximum security prison set alone on a cold rocky island in the frozen north.
Shoigu: *In Russian* I had a job and a family, too, you know. My children live great lives and have their own families. But ever since Leonid took over, I can't speak to my own children. I can't even see my own grandchildren. I was Putin's Defence Minister.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* I cooked the best {BLEEP} pirozhkis in the world! I had to bend myself so far backwards to import Japanese wagyu beef and matsutake mushrooms, even though Japan hates me. I even imported cheese from Switzerland for this, even though they hate me. I had to make it look like that Putin is forcing me to do this because Leonid is to be treated like a king, and so does his marching bands. And so, they finally sold me their expensive and best ingredients so I can make them for Leonid and his marching bands. The price tag for such a luxury meal for Leonid and his marching bands is enormous, but I was willing to do it.
And now, Leonid pays us back by letting perverted western influences into Russia and breaking up this federation into independent ethnic states. He's just allowing the countries to develop their own Nazi forces! We even told him about Ukraine's racism and their Azov Battalion, but he didn't care. He said that his aim to deal with those problems is to encourage ethnic Russians from such places to come here to have family, which didn't address their hate in the first place.
Medvedev: *In Russian* And if Leonid brings up about the Russo-Georgian War, it's because to protect ethnic Russians there as well as to protect Abkhazia and Ossetia from Georgian genocide. He's going to argue otherwise but I oversaw that war and he wasn't even there so therefore I knew about that then he does! Now, are you going to let us in or not?
Soldier 2: *In Russian* Fine; fine. But if you start trouble with him in the Kremlin, it's all on you.
Soldier 3: *In Russian to Leonid.* There are three men who claim to have known you close before. Yet, with them are Wagner mercenaries under Prigozhin, who was your personal catering chef.
Soldier 4: *In Russian to Leonid.* I have a bad feeling about this. I don't want to let them in yet the three wants to talk to you. If you want them in, we'll let them in. What do you say, Mr. President?
Vladimir: *In Russian* If it's Putin's idiots, they better hope they can put up a fight. Leonid has ice manipulation powers, and they know it! *Readies his AEK-999 machine gun.*
Leonid: (narrating in English) Now you'll see why I fear I made a big mistake.
*Sweden*
Lennart: *in Swedish* I think we had better continue to watch this.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* What do these three people want from me?
Soldier 2: *in Russian* I think they're furious because you let Chechnya and those other ethnic states become independent. By their beliefs, that was a mistake.
Leonid: *in Russian* You might as well let him and his cronies in, but be ready in case they try something.
*USA*
Leo the Patriotic Lion: *to Elias* Let's hope it's not tragic. What are they angry about?
*Sweden*
Elias: I have no idea. You should watch and pay attention just in case.
*Russia*
*The soldiers let the men in as they put their weapons away.*
Prigozhin: *In Russian with a smile at first.* Leonid the Cold Lion! Remember me? I was your personal catering chef! Remember the Iranian caviar I served you? How about the wagyu steaks from Japan? Good stuff! I remember you and your marching boys enjoying my food!
Shoigu: *In Russian* And you remember me, too, don't you? We used to work together in improving our defenses against terrorism.
Medvedev: *In Russian* And me! I always enjoyed working with you! You're a rock star in military strategy and international business! I knew you could be the bridge between Russia and the world!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Prigozhin... I remember your activities in Syria and other places. You and your mercenaries murdered innocent people. You even took a sledgehammer and murdered one of your men on the back of his head for defecting.
Cold Snare: *In Russian* And you asked me to perform beats on my drum during your execution? That right there is why I refused.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Like that's any different from Kriegland, when you executed your defectors by beheading them! Ha, ham ha!
*Cold Snare and Vladimir shake their heads in disgust.*
C.K./King Leo: (narrating) This does lead me to point out that Kriegland did punish its traitors by execution, but not once in its history did we ever have a traitor. The civil war we fought between lions and tigers over a trivial issue of whether any animal other than a lion could be king, making us all feel worthless in the end (on both sides), was fought between lions and tigers, with the tigers being the rebels. Obviously we know now that it was all CNG's doing just to stir up trouble, but at the time, nobody even knew that existed. As a result, there was debate about what to do with the tigers when they surrendered and declared the lions winners. In the end, nobody was executed. Instead, the tigers were given generous parole, and the lions in return accepted the fact the next in line to the throne really was a tiger: Timothy I, known by his haters as Timothy the Terrible.
Ironically, Timothy was our longest-serving monarch, reigning for 61 years. I was the shortest, only managing to get in 3.
In any case, now Leonid's haters were suddently getting angry.
Medvedev: *In Russian with a sudden upset tone to Leonid.* Now you listen to me right here, you overgrown beast! How dare you let Putin die alone with thyroid cancer! I wanted to say goodbye to him, but you never let me! You ordered the FSB (Russian equivalent to FBI) to raid my homes, stole my properties, and my money, too! My wife divorced me, and I lost everything! My vinyl collection! My Harry Potter books! I can't see my children, let alone my grandchildren! Now I have to watch my friends die slowly one-by-one! You're lucky that I live in a apartment because I could've been freezing my {BLEEP} off on the streets during winter as everybody makes fun of how short I am! I could've been Putin's successor! But no! You instead created a power vacuum to fill it! You kicked me, Shoigu, and Prigozhin to the ground! You handed Kuril Islands to Japan without consulting any of us and did the same with Crimea to Ukraine! And you pulled Russian troops out of Abkhazia too!
Prigozhin: *In Russian suddenly upset.* And I've been waiting for my money for Wagner Group! I run that private military company, you know! Where's my money?!
Shoigu: *In Russian with an upset tone.* And mine too for my private military company called Patriot? And like what Medvedev said, you destroyed my family as well; you got it to the point where I can't even see my own grandchildren; not even online!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Perhaps, you should just resign, because I am Putin's successor. It even said so on paper!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* With all this western indulgence flooding Russia, why do you decide to allow LGBTQ+ rights like America? Is this what you wanted? You even ended conscription despite the fact that Finland has constitutional conscription!
Shoigu: *In Russian* And this isn't the Russia we envisioned. What exactly is your vision for Russia? Do you really want Russia drowning in western overindulge, or a Russia held strong with morals?
*Finland*
Finisher: *In Finnish as she listens in with her communicator.* We have constitutional conscription to defend our homeland. We're only good at sniping and guerrilla tactics.
Soldier 1: *In Finnish* Exactly. Ignore these Russians. They're idiots anyways.
Soldier 2: *In Finnish* If we wanted to be evil invaders in Russia, all we have to do is ask Lennart to join us. But we know better because I have a girlfriend, and I can't wait to get married soon, so I can have lots of kids and teach them things like 3D printers and building computer-integrated desks.
Soldier 3: *In Finnish* Leku the Silent Lion sleeps well, you know, regardless of what happens in Russia. This is Finland after all.
Soldier 4: *In Finnish* Let Leonid take good care of Russia. The Russians deserve better lives. As long they ask us for help in that, we'll answer.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* What are you talking about? I didn't let Putin die of throat cancer; that's just the way it was! You may have been aiming to be Putin's successors, but that is not what the people wanted! I chose to follow the example of my American counterpart on purpose! He looks after his own nation first; that is what I am doing. And besides, have you not paid attention? Because we failed to prove ourselves with the doping scandals and those other controversies, we are not worthy of looking after other parts of the world. Our military is big enough to the point we don't need conscription.
I do want Russia to have good morals, but if we are going to do this right, we do not execute certain people.
*The families of the trio declare they want nothing to do with these people because they were Putin supporters. Leonid goes on with the speech.*
Leonid: *conclusion in Russian* If the people want me to step down, they'll vote me out and you in. That's how it should have been from the start. Remember Stalin's errors and do not repeat them. I am doing what I am doing in obedience to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Have I made myself clear?
*Cold Snare listens to the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" playing in his head, but stays silent.*
*USA*
*Leo and his administration watch a live stream of the argument between Leonid and the trio of troublemakers.*
Leo: *to Zax* I don't see what the problem is; do you?
*WC, KS, USA*
*The other G-52s watch the argument from Cripto's basement.*
Super C: What's his problem?
Cripto: I don't know, but according to the translations, they're demanding Leonid resign so they can turn Russia back to the way it was.
Laser Liger: Like Leo, Leonid promised he'd look out for everybody. That includes people who do go for the LGBTQ+ stuff. (narrating) I'm in the same boat Leo is on those topics; I can't wrap my head around why that appeals to certain people, but I don't give a dang about it either. They're Americans just like the rest of us, so our Constitution shall protect them.
*Russia*
Prigozhin: *In Russian* In obedience to THE WHAT?! Do you realize what that means?
Shoigu: *In Russian* Do you not know what you're letting in?
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh, good heavens, Leonid... What are you doing?!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Did you not learn anything about what Canada almost became under Justin Trudeau? Do you want pedophilic drag queens marching in to our schools teaching our children about disturbing topics like transgenderism? Do you want to live in a world where the government can force our children to undergo experimentation to see if it's really possible to change their sex for perverts to enjoy? Do you want the mentally ill to run the world and have innocent families torn apart?!
Shoigu: *In Russian* The worst part is that we don't have anyone like Rainier Belrose. Once Russia goes down that path, we are done!
Medvedev: *In Russian* I have a limit of what I could tolerate, but this has gone too far!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* One day, there will be a crossdressing lion by the name of Leona the {BLEEP} Lion waving the transgender flag with the pride flag strutting around in a leather harness and panties out in public while dancing on a pole on a parade float for the public to see!
Vladimir: *In Russian* I don't want to hear that again!
Leonid: (narrating in English) Nobody wants to hear that again.
Soldier 1: *In Russian* For someone who hates transgenders, you sure go to a lot of drag queen events to know this stuff in detail.
Soldier 2: *In Russian* You want to preach morality; yet you know these things. If you were truly a moral man, you wouldn't know these things in the first place.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* SHUT UP! All of you are puppets of the west! Even the Islamic countries are siding with the west, especially the Americans! How can any of you be comfortable with the idea of having {BLEEP} and liberals as your neighbors?! What contributions do they provide for society other than pornography and perversion?!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Iceland is a liberal country with a porn ban. Many countries are capable of supporting LGBTQ+ rights and traditional families where they can coexist peacefully without disturbance in society.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* That would never be possible for Russia!
Vladimir: *In Russian* It's why we also learn from Japan and China.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* It doesn't matter, because now Russia is a client state of the western perverts! This is going to alter Russia's future!
Vladimir: *In Russian* The policies you supported drove many Russians away. Luring them back is a challenge.
Shoigu: *In Russian* Thanks to you, America's military capabilities have surpassed all expectations and became the military capital of the world! Israel has left us and sided with the Americans! When you pulled our troops out of Abkhazia, the Americans took the opportunity to plant their corporations before letting their troops visit Abkhazia.
Vladimir: *In Russian* American soldiers do not go around causing violence and trouble in Abkhazia.
Shoigu: *In Russian* Then why do Americans enjoy selling their weaponry to the world? Thanks to them, everybody now have anti-air laser technology to shoot down planes and missiles before they even see their targets! We don't have a future for Russia! You sold us out to the foreigners! We are not supposed to be a liberal democracy!
Vladimir: *In Russian* You're right; we are a federal republic.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* We worked so hard to build mother Russia to be strong! Putin promised unity and a future for our families! As for the doping, it's an experiment to see if we can improve the physical capabilities of our soldiers so we use athletes who volunteer for this.
Vladimir: *In Russian* So that's what it was. You own so many corporations, you likely profited from this.
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Just doing business stuff. These experimentations are part of preparing us against the GSAF and the Demons of Heaven, the later being lost and almost forgotten North Korean experiments. The Demons of Heaven are property of the UN1024, and their allies despite their allegiance and residence being in the reunited Republic of Korea, which was formerly South Korea.
Medvedev: *In Russian* This is wrong... Everything is all wrong! You sold us out! Kadyrov... He was a great comrade... And you killed him! Dagestan... You just let them become an independent nation because you didn't want to help them out and that whatever internal conflicts they have, that's on them? Shame on you!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Perhaps, you should go pick on someone your own size!
Medvedev: *In Russian* ENOUGH ABOUT MY HEIGHT! *Pulls out PP-2000 as everybody else draws out their guns.* You sold our future away! Now you got Americans hiding in nations bordering us! I could care less of what you claim about these Americans, there's American soldiers everywhere along with some of their allies!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Everything I did for you, and your marching bands, and this is how you pay me back?! *Draws out sledgehammer.* I'm going to bash the living daylights out of you and turn you into my personal hunting trophy for my home!
Shoigu: *In Russian as he draws out his Lebedev pistol.* This is where it ends, Leonid. You can go see Putin once we, let's say, take care of you.
Leonid: *in Russian* What the...?! What the heck are you doing?!
*The soldiers and mercenaries draw out their weapons and soon, a shootout begins.*
Soldier 1: *In Russian as he deploys a barrier to protect himself from gunfire.* Deploy the barriers!
Soldier 2: *In Russian* Affirmative! *He deploys a barrier to protect Leonid.*
Heartless Wagner Mercenary 1: *In Russian* I'm hit!
Heartless Wagner Mercenary 2: *In Russian after throwing a grenade.* Fire in the hole!
Shoigu: *In Russian to his Patriot mercenaries.* Don't let the beast get away!
Heartless Patriot Mercenaries: *In Russian* SIR; YES SIR!
Heartless Patriot Mercenary 1: *In Russian* Come out come out whenever you are!
Vladimir: *In Russian as he fires at the heartless.* There's so many of these heartless mercenaries! If we can stop their leaders, it should end them!
Prigozhin: *In Russian* I'M GOING TO {BLEEP} YOU UP! *Smashes his sledgehammer against a barrier, busting it open.* Who wants a piece of me?!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Nobody is going to be laughing at me any more; not after this!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Napoleon Syndrome, much? No wonder why you had to overcompensate before all of this!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh, shut up, you dog! *Fires his PP-2000 before reloading.* You want to make fun of my height? Come make fun of me and see what happens! I dare you!
Shoigu: *In Russian* Run all you want, but you will never hide!
*USA*
Zax: No. Leonid is doing everything right for Russia.
Mechayote: And I'm not going to bother translating what Prigozhin said about the LGBTQ+. It's pretty graphic and gross.
Zax: Don't.
Juno: Why is it that homophobes claim to have specific knowledge about alleged homosexual activity? If they don't like it, they wouldn't know about it.
Zax: Even more disturbing is that they have knowledge of such things more than what most gay people know about. Juno and I are gay, as you well know, but we don't know about whatever...uhm...interests they claim to know about.
*Sweden*
*Meanwhile in the Russian embassy, Igor, the Russian ambassador and a UN1024 dragon, is viewing the livestream and is disturbed by it.*
Igor: Who's Leona and where did Prigozhin get that name like that? Whatever claims he has against the LGBTQ+, they're quite graphic in knowledge to me. *Grabs his AEK-999 machine gun and speaks to Cripto on his headset through the G-52 app.* Hey, Cripto! Can you please give me a portal to the Kremlin so I can protect Leonid against the Russian three stooges? I'm going to deal with them so you don't have to because knowing one of them, lets just say it's really bad. As in darker and worse than Louis Loserberg bad. We Russians have seen far worse things, that you being born and raised in America is a blessing. No wonder why my people envy your country so much, that they basically traded their fortune for your country's citizenship. Our tech workers enjoy your country a lot that they wouldn't stop talking about how great your homeland is.
*WC, KS, USA*
Wrangler Wolf: *To Cripto* Hey, y'all. Looks like Igor needs you to teleport him to Moscow.
Cripto: *to Igor via the G-52 app; he speaks through a headset and mic of his own* One portal, coming up!
*He provides a portal for Igor.*
Cripto: *on mic* Okay, jump!
*Washington, DC, USA*
Leo: And I don't wish to know anything about that either, but we've already had that discussion. Still, everybody watch this.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* Drat! I now wish I hadn't let them in!
*He goes into action alongside Cold Snare, freezing the enemies as necessary. Meanwhile, the British G-52s arrive, due to the fact they were routinely patrolling the atmosphere, and happened to hear the ruckus.*
Firefox: Do we get involved?
Captain C: If it gets out of control, perhaps. But for now, let's let this play out.
*Thunder Fox also happens to pass by, and he tries to slow down the forces of evil by starting a rainstorm; he just does it so that it doesn't rain on the British G-52s. Igor leaps through the portal once it opens, and ends up in Russia in the Kremlin.*
Igor: *In Russian* Are you kidding me? If Captain Cosmo sees this, he will go on a rampage!
Prigozhin: *In Russian as he chases Leonid with his sledgehammer.* Don't bite the hand that feeds you!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh no a dragon!
Shoigu: *In Russian* Don't let him scare you! And it's raining outside!
Medvedev: *In Russian* The beasts and hippies have taken over Russia! I will not allow this!
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Zax: Putin's men have gone mad!
Juno: I don't know if we should get Captain Cosmo involved.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* Now you make it stop! We're not letting you return us to our former state!
*The battle is eventually broadcast on the world's news networks. Everybody prays hard, hoping Captain Cosmo doesn't notice it.*
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: Then I'm not going to tell him. He'll still know in the end because this will make the world's newspapers and other media.
*WC, KS, USA*
Super C: Whatever anybody does, do not...I repeat, do NOT...tell Captain Cosmo. I don't want him going berserk like he was when he was complaining about all those dopers.
*Russia*
Prigozhin: *In Russian* Stop running! *Thrusts his sledgehammer against some doors to bust them open.* Where are you? Show yourself! I know you're hiding behind the tables!
Shoigu: *In Russian* You know better than to run from your battles. You're a general and you're older than us!
Medvedev: *In Russian* Reveal yourself, you cowardly beast!
Igor: *In Russian as he shoots at the mercenaries.* Where are those stooges?
Vladimir: *In Russian* I'm looking for them, but their men keep throwing smoke grenades!
*Washington D.C., USA*
Zax: Good choice!
*Hanoi, Vietnam*
Chuong: *In Vietnamese as he becomes disturbed from watching the live news covering Russia.* Three idiots in the Kremlin? Good heavens... This is absolutely uncivilized!
*Russia*
*Leonid disappears and reappears in appropriate clothing, indicating he knows the martial art of sambo. He uses this against the enemies.*
Leonid: *in Russian* Take this!
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Tom the Patriotic Tiger: What martial art is he doing if he is doing one?
Leo: I believe that's called sambo. He's fighting civilized; he's not acting like Zangief from the Street Fighter games.
Tom: This looks like something out of an action movie.
*Vietnam*
Luong: *in Vietnamese* I think they're just furious because Putin is dead. And apparently Leonid knows the art of sambo.
*Russia*
*Prigozhin gets tossed against Shoigu and Medvedev knocking them down temporarily.*
Prigozhin: *In Russian as he grabs his sledgehammer.* Leave the lion to me!
Vladimir: *In Russian* There you are!
Shoigu: *In Russian* You take on the husky! I take on the dragon.
Medvedev: *In Russian* Yes, sir!
Igor: *In Russian* I still smell fresh blood of the Georgians from the Russo-Georgian War. We shouldn't have been involved in it since their problems are not ours!
Shoigu: *In Russian* You're too young to understand it even now.
Medvedev: *In Russian* How fun! I guess I'll take on this oversized puppy myself then! I should've sent you to Dagestan when I had the chance!
Vladimir: *In Russian* I don't take orders from tiny evil men like you!
Leonid: *in Russian* Whatever you do, don't let them get away with this!
*Meanwhile, the other heroes outside watch with their X-ray vision (those who have it).*
Firefox: How's he doing in there?
Warwolf: He's gaining the upper hand; he apparently knows the art of sambo.
Captain C: Sambo? I don't remember that one.
*The battle continues inside.*
Prigozhin: *Blocks Leonid's attacks with his sledgehammer.* Come a little closer!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he tosses his PP-2000 SMG away.* I can't score a hit on that husky! Give me a grenade launcher!
Heartless Patriot Mercenary 2: *In Russian as he tosses a RG-6 grenade launcher and ammo for Medvedev to catch.* Here you go comrade!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he readies his grenade launcher.* Much better! I can't wait to blow this dog into ashes!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Overcompensating now, are we?
Medvedev: *In Russian* You won't be laughing anytime soon! *He fires his grenades as Vladimir runs to avoid the explosions.* I'll take this Kremlin down with me if I have to since there will be no degenerates running Russia!
Shoigu: *In Russian* Should've known dragons prefer large caliber weaponry. *To a heartless Patriot mercenary.* I need bigger caliber!
Heartless Patriot Mercenary 3: *In Russian as he tosses a OSV-96 antimaterial rifle to Shoigu.* Here you go, comrade!
Shoigu: *In Russian as he catches his weapon.* Thanks! *To Igor in Russian.* I got you in my sights!
Igor: *In Russian as he looks for a place to hide.* I have to hide!
*Canada*
Courtney: This is Neanderthal level barbaric! Russia didn't have a proper government until Leonid came into power!
Kirk: This is Russia we're talking about; they have a history of legislative violence and a very lengthy one at it too. Leonid wants to put an end to this.
Noel: Apparently they didn't get the note that you don't promote Christianity through violence these days! Apparently they forgot the "Thou shall not kill." part. No wonder why karma came back to bite Putin with thyroid cancer after being jailed by the ICC.
Levi the Mountee Lion: You can say that again.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* You go ahead and hide.
*Cold Snare begins drumming, which also freezes the heartless.*
Leonid: *in Russian* Keep it up! *to Prigozhin* Oh, no, you don't!
*He grabs the hammer and destroys it with his super strength.*
Prigozhin: *In Russian* My sledgehammer shattered like glass! *He prepares to fight Leonid in sambo.* If it's sambo you want, then sambo you shall get!
Shoigu: *In Russian* What? *He looks at the destroyed sledgehammer.* If I don't do something about that lion and his allies here, I'm not going to be able to keep up!
Igor: *In Russian as he uses his Desert Eagle pistol to shoot Shoigu's OSV-96 to destroy it.* You can't.
Shoigu: *In Russian* Augh! I can't believe I used to work with Leonid together on national security matters during Putin's administration!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he reloads his grenade launcher.* Mine, too, when I was President of Russia briefly! I shall reclaim my seat from Leonid before he let's anymore degeneracy into this once glorious country! I'll never forgive him for handing Kuril Islands back to Japan immediately, before doing the same with Crimea to Ukraine!
Vladimir: *In Russian* Neither of them belonged to us in the first place; nor do we have the resources to take care of them! You are still as much of a murderer as Putin was!
*Washington D.C., USA*
Zax: So a catering chef of Putin, an ex-president, and a former general are taking on Leonid. This would make for an interesting story.
Juno: Something tells me this will end with tragedy for the trio, since they're going to realize how fruitless it is to try to defeat Leonid, just to take back his position and try to turn Russia backwards. Even their children prefer Leonid so they don't have to put up with state-sponsored violence and doping.
Jack: Leonid is handing their butts back to them and is Medvedev wearing absurdly thick boots? I think he's wearing heel inserts, too.
Juno: Yup! Putin did the same to try to make himself look taller. I'm a fennec fox and I'm taller than Medvedev without my ears.
Zachary: Customized Chelsea style boots and heel inserts it seems. These men are incredibly foolish to take on Leonid and the others. Come on Leonid! You got this like a pro!
Marshall: *Hands bags of popcorn to everybody.* This battle is popcorn-worthy. Watching these three stooges take on Leonid is more entertaining than scary.
Tom: (narrating) I think Marshall heard my comment about it looking like something from an action movie.
*Russia, Kremlin*
Leonid: *in Russian* En garde!
*The two fight.*
*Russia, outside*
*The British G-52s who have X-ray vision notice the battle.*
Captain C: What chance does that idiot have against him?
Warwolf: Slim to none, I'd say.
Firefox: It's a good thing I don't have me rocket launcher on me.
Super Claw: That would only make it worse.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Tom: And we didn't even have to buy tickets for this.
Leo: This does look like a fight scene out of a movie in cinemas. *He munches on some of the popcorn, little by little.* Caramel. Just like the Cracker Jack kind, but no prize in the box.
*Kremlin, Russia*
Igor: *In Russian* Let me help you, Vladimir! *He flies up to a chandelier to get a better view at Medvedev.*
Medvedev: *In Russian* I'll turn you into ashes! *Fires his grenade launcher at Igor.*
Igor: *In Russian as he flies away to avoid the grenade.* WHOA!
*The grenade hits the chandelier blowing it up causing it to fall and kill Prigozhin whilst Leonid nearly avoids it.*
Leonid: Whew! *He sees Prigozhin is mortally wounded.* Oh, no!
Prigozhin: AUGH! *In Russian to Leonid before he dies.* I gave you everything... My life, too...
Medvedev: *In Russian* Prigozhin! No! No...
Shoigu: *In Russian* You idiot! I told you to focus on Vladimir!
Vladimir: *In Russian to Medvedev.* That one is on you!
Medvedev: *In Russian* I can't deal with this! I'll finish you beasts off!
Shoigu: *In Russian* No wonder why Putin took your place as President again. *To Leonid as he pulls out a ballistic knife.* Now it's personal. Two generals, but only one of us can lead Russia. *He prepares to fight Leonid in sambo with his knife.*
Igor: *In Russian to Leonid.* Watch out; he's got a ballistic knife, meaning it can fire its blade at you!
*Washington D.C., USA*
Jack: Oh! Prigozhin is down!
Zax: What a way to go! Karma finally caught up to him!
Juno: Now it's just Medvedev and Shoigu.
Marshall: Now it's a battle between two Russian generals.
*Ukraine*
Zelensky: *In Ukrainian to Lyaksandro.* Your Russian parallel should consider acting in action movies after his presidency. He's more talented than I thought.
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* What? No! I did not want Prigozhin to die! I wanted to save him for the law! *to Shoigu in a tone of righteous anger* I don't need a knife to beat the likes of you!
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: Oh, drat! I don't want these criminals to die; I'd rather they live to see the consequences of their actions!
Tom: Ironic; done in by his own comrade.
Leo: *to Marshall* I can see Leonid starring in action films now; the fact you got us popcorn made me think of that.
*Ukraine*
Lyaksandro the Cossack Lion: *in Ukrainian* What I cannot understand is why they are bothering to go after him. You heard their complaints. Those were not legitimate reasons, were they? I think Leonid's done the right by giving us back Crimea.
*Russia*
Shoigu: *In Russian* We'll see about that. Like Medvedev, I never got a chance to say goodbye to Putin either since you just let him die alone with thyroid cancer! For this, I shall avenge you for Putin! *He makes the first move with a right punch with his knife.*
*Medvedev runs and picks up a Saiga-12 automatic shotgun from a downed heartless mercenary before turning around only to get pounced by Vladimir.*
Medvedev: *In Russian as he pushes his shotgun against Vladimir's hands.* You foul beast!
Vladimir: *In Russian as he snarls and growls at Medvedev.* Puny war criminal! You shall see the survivors of the people you killed under your administration! You and Putin are both complicit!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he managed to kick Vladimir off of him before picking up his shotgun.* You did nothing when the mob went after Putin before sending him to the ICC! You're the traitor!
Igor: *In Russian* If you truly loved Russia, you wouldn't be sending our boys to cause havoc on innocent people in Georgia before they even had a chance to learn a trade! You would've stopped state-sponsored violence against your critics! We will make sure you live to see Levan the Kartvelian Lion as well, because he will never forget the war crimes you caused in his country during your presidency!
*Washington D.C., USA*
Marshall: I didn't think of it that way, but I am so glad your Russian parallel exists.
Zax: Though I'd rather not mention this, but Eterna has Lady Valmia, who's a judge. Let's just say that she has field days with Russian war criminals.
Juno: In other words, the punishment she sentences them to is beyond eternal torture in their afterlives.
Zachary: Russia has been doing disturbingly graphic war crimes since Ivan the Terrible. The Circassian Genocide is a perfect example of this, which is still felt about 200 years later after the event. Even though the Circassians are known as Adyghe today, some of them prefer being called Circassian to remind others about the Circassian Genocide.
Bob: From what I understand about it, I would imagine Leonid got sick when he heard what was happening there. At the time, the Russian Empire claimed they were promoting Christianity and fighting Islam.
Marshall: It sounds like the Russian Orthodox Church has been justifying and promoting violence for way too long.
Bob: Exactly. About time they start preaching peace, kindness, family, and community, or at least that's the expectation of Christianity today.
*Ukraine*
Zelensky: *In Ukrainian* No, I don't think so. Nobody says goodbye to war criminals. As for Crimea, it does belong to Ukraine and I made sure that there are no discrimination there. Leonid makes life easier for both his people and the world. Just look at the geography of Crimea; it shares a land with mainland Ukraine. The sea separates it from Russia.
*Sweden*
Elias: *In Swedish* I guess Prigozhin had too much sin in him that there's not enough soap to wash all that off from him. Sadly, he got done in by Medvedev's friendly fire, and he (Prigozhin) used to serve him as his catering chef. Now that's irony at its finest right there.
*London, UK*
Dalton: *Is watching the fight on TV with Lionus.* Ooooh! That's the worst way to go; being done in on accident by your own comrade. *On his headset to the British G-52s.* What's your status, and how are things looking so far?
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* Your weapons don't scare me!
*He dodges the attack by doing a spectacular front flip. Then he counters with moves of his own, eventually jeopardizing the chances of the enemy getting to him. The knife instead damages the wall. Outside, the British G-52s talk to Dalton.*
Captain C: We're outside the Kremlin right now, Dalton. We haven't gone inside because we didn't want to get in the way, and now we wish we had (somewhat), because of the man dying by his own friend's actions.
Warwolf: Some people won't ever rehabilitate, though.
Captain C: However, Leonid's putting up a heck of a fight. I think it's going to turn in his favor.
*London, UK*
*Lionus joins in the chat.*
Lionus: I have to second you on that; what happens in Russia is its own problems, so maybe it is best you didn't intervene.
*Ukraine*
Lyaksandro: *in Ukraine* Exactly.
*Sweden*
Lennart: *in Swedish* Oh, the irony; dying by the acts of his own associate.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: That is the expectation. I've met Valmia because she once examined my darkness level and commented on my threshold. She's said I'm making progress in that regard, though. But no doubt she's going to have a field day with these three in the event they end up in her presence.
*London, UK*
Dalton: Oh, good. Best to stay out of this to be safe.
*Washington D.C., USA*
Zax: Oh, good. I worry that Russia has a heartless problem due to its history, but Leonid is saving the country.
Juno: Russia used to be rife with extreme homophobia to the point that there would be state-enforced violence against homosexuals.
*Russia*
Shoigu: *In Russian as he notices the knife's handle is missing from him and from the knife.* My handle! Guess I'll just use my hands then! *He wrestles against Leonid.*
Cold Snare: *In Russian as he pushes in a recall pod.* Throw Shoigu in here so we can send him to the ICC!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he checks into a set of cabinets and picks up a can of air freshener.* Perfect!
Igor: *In Russian* Air freshener?
Medvedev: *In Russian* Alone it is. *He quickly takes out a lighter and uses it in combination with the air freshener to create a flamethrower.* Now it's a flamethrower!
Igor: *In Russian as he nearly dodges the flames.* Watch out; he's got a flamethrower! *To Medvedev.* You're going to use a flamethrower against a dragon?
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh; I was just demonstrating my techniques! I'll kill you with a shotgun then the husky with the flamethrower!
Igor: *In Russian* Shotgun pellets against an armored dragon? I guess your body isn't the only thing that is short in which I'm referring to your intelligence.
Medvedev: *In Russian* Oh! Now you've done it! *He fires with his grenade launcher again before using his lighter and air freshener flamethrower combination.*
Vladimir: *In Russian as he grabs a fire extinguisher and uses it on Medvedev to disable his lighter so he can't make an improvised flamethrower.* Chill down!
Medvedev: *In Russian as he throws his lighter and air freshener away.* I'm going to turn you into my personal fur coat to keep myself warm in Russia's winter.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: And the trio of troublemakers were mad at him because he's not going with the homophobic history they've shown. *He turns back to the screens.* Now they're wrestling! Oh! He got him by pinfall!
Tom: Oh, wow!
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian* Okay; I'm trying! Wait; this ought to do it!
*After getting Shoigu off him, Leonid performs a body slam on him and manages to pin him. Crush isn't present, so Cold Snare acts as the "ref" by slapping the floor three times.
Cold Snare: *in Russian* One! Two! Three!
*Leonid then picks up Shoigu and throws him in the recall pod. Then he talks to Medvedev.*
Leonid: *in Russian* And for your information, nobody wears fur coats anymore!
*Sweden*
*Lennart and the others keep watching the fight.*
Lennart and people in Riskdag: *chanting in Swedish* Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
*WC, KS, USA*
Super C: He got him by pinfall! He'd give the humans in WWE a run for their money!
Cripto: And this isn't even staged; this is all ad-lib! But yes; Chris Jericho's got nothing on him.
*Washington D.C., USA*
Bob: Yeah! Get him!
Zax: Excellent since Russia has a large gay furry community like here. Actual Russians desire to be more like us yet Putin and his supporters give them a bad name.
Juno: Canada has a large gay furry population as well.
Marshall: Don't forget that transgender furries do exist and that the new public restroom stalls provide more privacy per individual. Remember, public is for everybody yet everyone likes privacy.
*Sweden*
Elias: *In Swedish* Oh, yeah; get it!
*Germany*
Warlord Wolf: *In German as he helps pass around 1 liter glass mugs of beer to the citizens watching the Kremlin fight on the giant monitors in the convention halls.* Here's your beer!
American Tourist 1: Yo! Does Super C know you're doing this?
Warlord Wolf: Yes, he does, and he knows this is part of our culture and hospitality as long I'm not drinking. Would you like a free beer?
American Tourist 1: Don't mind if I do.
Warlord Wolf: *Hands the beer to the tourist.* Please enjoy your free ice cold beer.
American Tourist 1: Sweet! Thanks!
American Tourist 2: Oooh; yeah! Show him who's boss, Leonid!
Civilian 1: *In German as he drinks beer.* Yeah, Leonid; let's go!
Civilian 2: *In German as he raises his beer mug.* It's party time, everybody!
Convention Staff 1: *In German as he passes around beer.* Beer! Beer! Beer for everybody!
Convention Staff 2: *In German* Free beer for Leonid's victory!
Super C: (narrating) Warlord Wolf is correct; while I forbid my recruits to drink, smoke, or do harm to their bodies in any way, but he's not in trouble if he's serving beer to the citizens and tourists. Germany wouldn't exist without beer; in fact, you can go into any McDonald's in that country and get a beer with your Big Mac. I'd just drink a soda myself, but then again, I rarely, if ever, order food from McDonald's.
*Japan*
Civilian 1: *In Japanese* Let's go, Leonid!
Civilian 2: *In Japanese* Check it out, Ryo! Your Russian parallel is tough!
Civilian 3: *In Japanese* A fight for world peace!
Civilian 4: *In Japanese* Let's make some noise everybody!
*Everybody cheers for Leonid in Japanese, from the bars to the homes.*
*Russia*
Shoigu: *In Russian as he knocks on the door but he's locked in the recall pod.* No! I have lost! I have failed to prove myself worthy for the rank of Marshal of the Russian Federation... I'm so sorry, Putin... I never even got to say goodbye to you. *In Russian to Leonid.* You won... You've proven yourself capable of leading this great country and therefore worthy of the rank of Marshal of the Russian Federation. Our generals and Forsythians will promote you to that rank where even after your presidency, our military will forever be under your command as long as you live. It is not an easy task, but only you have proven yourself worthy and capable for it. If you see my children and grandchildren, please tell them that I love them.
Medvedev: *In Russian* Drats! It's just me! Alone... *He slowly drops his weapons as the Russian soldiers finally surround him.* So this is how it ends with me... My money, properties, home, family, friends... Gone... You took everything from me! You even made me kill Russia's best catering chef and businessman on accident! At least you kept Shoigu alive but even that, I will never see him again after this. What more can you possibly take from me? All that's left of me is my dignity. I rather you take my life and spare me this misery and suffering that I must go through! *He grabs Vladimir's hand, which is holding a Desert Eagle pistol. He holds his hand and pistol to point it directly under his chin, pressing under it.* Vladimir Kosov... Please pull the trigger and end my suffering...
Igor: *In Russian* Vladimir... You know what happens if you do that.
Vladimir: *In Russian before he closes his eyes.* Are you sure about this?
Medvedev: *In Russian* Yes... Just do it. I cannot deal with this anymore. My life was in vain... Let me be with Putin and Prigozhin in the afterlife, so I can be in peace with them. None of you will allow me to see my children and grandchildren.
Vladimir: *In Russian after pulling the trigger, which only makes a single click.* I pulled the trigger.
Medvedev: *In Russian* Your gun is empty.
Vladimir: *In Russian* Like your future.
*He opens his eyes again.*
Medvedev: *In Russian* What use is keeping an empty man like me alive for? What is it that I have that you're looking for?
Vladimir: *In Russian* Answers... Do you remember that time when you ordered our troops to invade Georgia than to choose diplomacy?
*He removes the gun from Medvedev's chin.*
Medvedev: *In Russian* I did... I just wanted to protect people.
Vladimir: *In Russian* By engaging in violence? Levan the Kartvelian Lion had to watch you murder his people! You shot them, burned them, and bombed them right before his eyes! Women, children, fathers, you took their future and everything away from them! Their survivors still live with the pain you caused on them to this day.
Medvedev: *In Russian* But NATO was expanding around us.
Vladimir: *In Russian* And you gave them reasons to do that! None of you knuckleheads knew what diplomacy was! You could just simply talk things out! Your rashness is why Prigozhin is dead. You caused it when you were given the chance to stop.
Igor: *In Russian* You have way too much to answer for. When you were President, you continued to support state-sponsored violence. You murdered not only Georgians, but also innocent Russians who criticized you. You targeted our journalists, threatened children, and even our own troops who just wanted to do nothing with Georgia. What about the persecution of the LGBT community? After we try you here, you go to the ICC, where you will meet the survivors of the victims you killed. You will not only meet Levan the Kartvelian Lion there, you will also meet Russian troops who took part of this and how they really feel about you. Boys prefer learning skills and trades before being soldiers. Those who are soldiers prefer to be defenders. Fathers want to teach their children trades, skills, and values so they can grow up and repeat the circle of life for generations to come to improve their communities for the world. Like Putin, you're no different from the likes of Hitler and Stalin.
Medvedev: *In Russian* What was Kriegland like?
Igor: *In Russian* Krieglandonians do not engage in genocide or engage in indiscriminate murder on the battlefield. *To Leonid in Russian.* Tell Medvedev about Georgia. Tell him everything of the horrors you have to put up with under his administration, which was no different from Putin. Tell him about Chechnya, the corruption with Putin, the targeting of journalists, and violent silencing of his critics. Tell him everything that happened under him in great detail because he must remember them until the day he leaves our world.
Soldier 1: *In Russian* What about the leaked files about you supporting Putin's plan to send us to Ukraine when we have no interests in that.
Soldier 2: *In Russian* I swore to defend this country, not to commit murder in other countries.
Soldier 3: *In Russian* You're a sick man! I don't know if you're even human! You must be a monster disguised as one!
Soldier 4: *In Russian* And why do you care about Crimea more than our well being? What does that have to do with mainland Russia? We shouldn't have annexed it back in 2014 and I'm glad we gave it back to Ukraine and that Zelensky will make sure nobody is discriminated there!
Soldier 5: *In Russian* You and Putin are basically the same evil men.
Soldier 6: *In Russian* And if the Americans are evil like you claim they are, why do they show so much compassion towards us? Their soldiers treat us better than you would!
Soldier 7: *In Russian* I have little children and I will not raise them to cause harm in other countries you monster! I teach them skills and trades because that's what our country needs more of!
Soldier 8: *In Russian* Like Putin, you are a disgrace of a president and a traitor to our nation! Wherever you join him at in the afterlife, it's going to be very hot, and it's not Vietnam!
Soldier 9: *In Russian* You don't even belong in purgatory, and may God have mercy on you because you will find none during your life!
Soldier 10: *In Russian* You have so much blood on your hands, it's unspeakable.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: Indeed. I believe there were a few transgender furs on one of those rocket launches we attended in person.
Tom: Was that a Blue Origin spacecraft?
Leo: I believe so. *He looks at the screen again.* Score! Leonid wins the battle!
*WC, KS, USA*
Doughty Dog: Leonid wins!
Cripto and Rockin' Roarer together: All right; ROCK ON!
*The Rockin' Roarer makes the "heavy metal horns" gesture with both hands while posing.*
Membranophone Mouse: But why did the one guy want Vladimir to kill him?
Super C: He didn't want to deal with going to prison, I guess. He is eventually going to suffer in Hades; there's no question about that. Vladimir is not in any trouble.
*Because the battle is won, it is now safe for Super C to contact Captain Cosmo.*
Super C: *via app to Vladimir* Hi. It's Super C. No need to worry; we all saw the whole thing on live television, but you're not in trouble because you did spare the man. *to Captain Cosmo, now using the app's party line mode, so multiple people can hear him talk* Hi, Cosmo. Chances are you may have seen it on the news, but did you know your president just beat the heck out of 3 Putin supporters just now? I promise you Hollywood wants him to be in the movies after that; that was amazing!
*Japan*
Ryo: *in Japanese* That's my parallel, all right!
*Russia*
Leonid: *in Russian to Shoigu* I shall gladly accept that position. I was a military general back in my heyday. I know you love your children and grandchildren, and I think I can arrange that. What I cannot guarantee is if they love you back. *to the soldiers* Okay. Get him out of here!
Leonid: *to Medvedev in Russian* I didn't make you accidentally kill him; you did it yourself.
*He then goes into great detail about all the topics Igor suggested: Putin's corruption, the war for Chechnya, and Putin silencing his critics and targeting journalists.*
Leonid: *conclusion in Russian* And so we plan to bring you before my Georgian counterpart if nobody else, and remember, I have a ton of parallels. It was his people you hurt. It is his people to whom you owe an apology. I just wish you three could have peacefully talked it out with me; then our chef wouldn't have died. I did try to reason with you. But did you listen? No. Now just sit there silence and think about it. Your time to talk will come. *to soldiers* Now get him out of my sight!
*Outside the Kremlin, the British G-52s speak to Lionus and Dalton as the soldiers officially arrest the two remaining troublemakers.*
Warwolf: Mission accomplished! All suspects apprehended!
*Sweden*
Lennart: *in Swedish* And...victory! Had he been one of us, he would have done Odin and Valhalla so proud. For Valhalla!
Everybody: *in Swedish* FOR VALHALLA!
*Canada*
Levi: Mission accomplished! He beat them!
*Russian Embassy, USA*
Captain Cosmo: *In Russian* Leonid would make a perfect actor for action movies. I knew he would win against those evil men!
*Moscow, Russia*
*As the police transports Medvedev and Shoigu to jail, there is a crowd outside cheering for Leonid as they wave Russian flags along with the rainbow flags and transgender pride flags. There are also some people waving a modified Russian flag, which is white, blue, white, instead of white, blue, and red. The modified Russian flag symbolizes peace.*
Civilian 1: *In Russian* Evil and tyranny is gone! Russia is finally free and peaceful!
Civilian 2: *In Russian* Homophobia and transphobia has come to an end! Let there be love for all!
Civilian 3: *In Russian* A great future has opened up for our motherland! We are truly open to the world!
Civilian 4: *In Russian* We can finally leave our past and make Russia a better country for us!
Civilian 5: *In Russian* Thank you, Leonid, for saving us from darkness!
Vladimir: *In Russian to Igor.* You know better than to assume that I would never do such a thing.
Igor: *In Russian* Scared me for a moment right there. Our country has seen way more than enough graphic imagery throughout our history.
Vladimir: *In Russian* Now we have to defend our homeland as our people rebuild it. Not everybody can be a soldier, nor do they want to be one.
Igor: *In Russian* The oligarchs claimed to draw inspiration from our Krieglandonians. Too bad, they wanted to use them for the wrong reasons.
Vladimir: *In Russian* The Forsythians came here to live better lives. The Krieglandonians never intended to make other worlds as depressing and sad as their own. Even they find our modern wars pointless.
*Sweden*
Elias: *In Swedish* Too bad I didn't send Prigozhin extra soap for him to wash himself from sin before he left us.
General 1: *In Swedish* He was beyond redemption.
General 2: *In Swedish* We have beautiful soap bars.
Elias: *In Swedish* Got to love Lush, a British store chain known for their soap and bath bombs.
General 2: *In Swedish* I know plenty of local Swedish stores that make artisanal soap and bath bombs for less without compromising quality.
*Hanoi, Vietnam*
Chuong: *In Vietnamese* It's finally over! No more evil Russian men and homophobia there. One big step closer to world peace.
*Washington D.C., USA*
*The administration cheers wildly as some of the popcorn goes out everywhere (except Leo because he still has the bellowing capabilities; he still claps, however).*
Zax: Oh, yeah; that's what I'm talking about!
Marshall: It's finally over! It's over! Russia is saved!
Bob: Nice one Leonid!
Mechayote: WHOOOOOOOOOO! GET IT!
Shadow Hunter: All right! Russia is saved!
Juno: A big turning point for Russia towards a much better future!
*All around the world, everybody breaks into applause so loudly, that their cheering and clapping can be heard in Russia despite the people not being there.*
*Moscow, Russia*
*Leonid steps outside and takes a bow before he speaks at a podium with microphones.*
Leonid: *in Russian* Thank you, everybody. Sorry it took so long. *Some laughter.* I have to admit, I now wish I hadn't let those guys inside the Kremlin, but I wanted to peacefully talk things out with them. The fact I wanted to restructure us so that we follow the example of the United States was inspired by my American counterpart's evaluations, and the advice they gave him was that if he was going to look out for his people, then he should follow the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. In Article 2 of that document, it says, "Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, color, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty." That does include you people in the LGBTQ+ crowd.
I don't have time to go through the whole declaration, but it's worth mentioning that article, as well as Article 16. 16 says the following:
1. Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
2. Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
3. The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.
I intend to keep it that way, whereas these attacks wanted it to go back to the way it was, where those of you who do not identity with the gender-binary system (meaning male and female, and that's it) were seen as criminals just because you existed. Anybody who protested against what Putin wanted was imprisoned or killed. I do not want to imagine what is happening to him right now in the afterlife, because it is way too graphic to even speak about. I think you can guess what it is, though.
In any event, they're gone. I just need some help repairing the damage they did to the Kremlin. That's a different subject matter, though.
*The speech continues. Leonid pauses at one point because of how the whole globe is applauding so loudly.*
Leonid: *in Russian* Oh, wow; the entire world is applauding. We can hear them. I hope they don't break their hands from clapping too hard.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: And we apparently made a mess of the place in the process. How embarrassing!
Tom: I'll go get a vacuum.
*He does so as everybody cleans up the mess.*
Leo: Let's also hear what he wants to say now; I think he's going to speak.
*The speech airs. Translations are provided for the benefit of viewers who don't speak Russian.*
*WC, KS, USA*
Super C: *to Captain Cosmo via app* I have to second you on that. I just didn't want anybody to tell you because I didn't want you to go bonkers over it. But then I thought, "Well, the embassy he works at probably has TVs; he'll know anyway."
*Sweden*
Lennart: *in Swedish* Beyond redemption; that's a good way to put it.
*Vietnam*
Luong: *in Vietnam* I just wish the foursome could have peacefully talked things out in the first place, but no; they had to resort to violence. That's what bothered me about the whole thing.
*Russian Embassy, USA*
Captain Cosmo: I did see the whole thing and thought twice about my actions.
Super C's voice: Okay; just checking.
Super C: (narrating) Cosmo held himself in, so that was good.
Leonid: (narrating) I think I scared myself more than anybody, but it helps to practice the art of sambo.
*Later, the Kremlin is repaired as Medvedev has been tried in Russia on treason and corruption charges before being transferred to the ICC for war crimes in the Russo-Georgian War.*
*International Criminal Court*
*Georgian citizens and soldiers give their opening statements. Formerly involved Russian soldiers also give their statements against Medvedev. Below is just a summary of the stories.*
Russian Soldier 1: He told us that there were NATO agents in Georgia. We did not see them because we did not know that NATO is actually an informal alliance today. We did not even see any Americans or their allies there.
Russian Soldier 2: I was in Abkhazia, and I did not see any Georgian soldiers there. But we did start shooting when the protestors started rioting against us, because we were trying to protect ourselves.
Russian Soldier 3: I never intended to do these things in Georgia, but I did them because if I did not, I would be killed by my own troops. I was told to look for anyone from NATO but I saw nobody from that. I don't even know my purpose of my involvement in this but either I do my job and live or I get executed. I have children and we fled to Canada after this war. I'm glad you called me here to give my testimony.
Russian Soldier 4: I was in Ossetia, and I didn't see any Georgian soldiers on my end. But then I was told to go further down south, and there they were. I begged them to spare me, because I decided to surrender in secret so I can tell them what I was really doing, and how I felt about this. I figured it would be better than to be ordered to kill anyone indiscriminately. After this war, Medvedev declared that Ossetia and Abkhazia are independent ethnic states within the Russian Federation at the time, and that Russian passports will be processed for them. When I wrapped my mind around this later, I had no idea that this entire was was about conquering Abkhazia and Ossetia. What was the point of all of this when this situation never involved us in the first place?
Judge: So all of you were under orders to fight. *The Russian soldiers nod before he turns to Medvedev after reading out his crimes.* How do you plead?
Medvedev: Guilty.
Judge: So all this suffering on everybody's side all because you were paranoid of NATO?
Medvedev: They kept inviting surrounding countries around Russia to join them. To me, it was a legitimate threat.
Judge: Do you know why you have two ears and one mouth?
Medvedev: What does that have to do with this?
Judge: You used your mouth to speak before your ears to listen. You have two ears and one mouth so that you can listen more than you can speak. You could have asked NATO and anyone involved in it of their actual intents. But no, you had to make assumptions and rally up violence in Georgia out of your paranoia.
As stated earlier, you killed families in Georgia, who have no part of any of this whatsoever. Mothers just want to raise their children and fathers just want to teach them skills after work. Now we have Georgians with broken families here with us telling their memories of what they had to witness. You shelled their homes, businesses, and livelihood. Even if Georgia is rebuilt today, the memories are still there. The souls you took under your administration will be resting heavily on you, including the Russian troops who died under your orders and administration.
Just like Putin, you are also responsible for all the suffering and losses you have caused on your own people, too. Everybody is going to learn about your mistakes to make sure they are never repeated in our world. Before I send you off to prison, it seems that Levan the Kartvelian Lion has some final statements for you. *To Levan.* Any last words you want to say to Medvedev for his war crimes in your country before I sentence him to life in prison? This is unspeakable, and let's be honest, no different from the war crimes Stalin and Hitler have committed.
Kyu the Hwarang Lion: (narrating in English) Hi there; sorry to interrupt, but while all this was going on, over in my country there were other trials going on the same time. The ones happening here go back to that crazy crowd crush we experienced last year on Halloween night, in which 200 people were killed. Thus, the police chief was tried on counts of negligence and public endangerment for allowing the crush to happen. This is not the same sort of crush as the crowd crush in Australia.
*Seoul, Korea*
*A police chief is being tried in court for negligence of duty and manslaughter charges for allowing the 2022 Seoul Halloween Crowd Crush to happen.*
Judge: *In Korean* Your device was alerting you several times about the increased number of people and was also vibrating. Because you goofed off while drinking some soju (Korean rice wine) on the job, this is why at least 200 people died and thousands were injured. It was part of your job description to order police to direct heavy crowds like that.
Police Chief: *In Korean* Seoul always had crowds, and not once did we have any problems with it.
Judge: *In Korean* It still shouldn't have gotten that bad to the point that the crowds were spilling out into Kyu's neighborhood causing property damage, forcing him to hide in his home for his safety. Never mind the fact that the C.I.D.F. had to fly around to carry people out of broken windows in midair from the crowd surge. *To Kyu in Korean.* He already pled guilty. Did you wish to say anything to him before I sentence him to prison?
*ICC*
*Leonid is present at the trial, since he had to testify against Medvedev also.*
Levan the Kartvelian Lion: I really don't know what to say because I usually proclaim I want nothing to do with people like him, especially when you consider the fact he's lowered himself to the levels of Stalin and Hitler, and in a different respect, the old version of Bendraqi. Still, your time has not yet come, but when it does, you'll have to stand before the Lord and explain all your sins to Him. And His judgments will be way harsher than what you are getting here, believe me. Think about that as you spend the rest of your life behind bars, or behind a solid concrete door, as the case may be. Nobody uses bars anymore, do they?
Leonid: Not that we know of, no.
Levan: Still, you did what you did, and you can't escape it. *to the judge* I'm done.
*Korea*
Kyu: *in Korean* You had one job, and you failed! That's all I will say so that I do not rub it in.
*The judges in both countries sentence all criminals in question to life in prison.*
Leonid: (narrating in English) There you have it; that was my audition in a nutshell. Not really, but according to the jokes people were making, by fighting that battle, I was auditioning to start in one of those action movies Hollywood like to make, although many of those films are films the G-52s don't really watch. Then it turned into a wrestling match, and it wasn't even staged. Go figure.
Still, justice was served, and Russia was free rom the tyranny that was attacking it. Don't let anybody say that I have failed the motherland. The ones attacking me? They failed the motherland by doing what they did, when they thought they had succeeded. And that's all I'm going to say about that one.
Get yourself a good night's sleep now, since you're safe from the threats. Good night.
THE END
Whilst serving as President of the Russian Federation, Leonid the Cold Lion ends up battling three of Vladimir Putin's fiercely loyal supporters who want to dethrone him in a coup, and take his place so they can turn Russia back to the way it was. But things don't go as planned the villains discover who they're truly up against!
Leo himself, G-52 organization, C.I.D.F., etc. © me and me alone
Parallels of Leo joint-owned by Chuong and me; also true of select G-52 members (i.e. Wrangler Wolf)
UN1024s, etc. © Chuong alone
D-19 and all associated thereof © 16weeks
Leo himself, G-52 organization, C.I.D.F., etc. © me and me alone
Parallels of Leo joint-owned by Chuong and me; also true of select G-52 members (i.e. Wrangler Wolf)
UN1024s, etc. © Chuong alone
D-19 and all associated thereof © 16weeks
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 120 x 80px
(The following has a cut off sentence.
Lennart the Viking Lion: (narrating in English) Ironic, isn't it? The knight of
)
Igor: There's no east or west; just this world. Russia desires to be part of this world more because wars should be in the past. Soldiers are defenders not attackers. Boys want to learn trades not war so they can build their communities upwards than to destroy the communities of others.
Elias: I'm so glad that Leonid made sure that homophobia and other LGBTQ+ hate crimes never sees Russia again. Russia will have a great future with Leonid, President or not.
Chuong: I wasn't aware that this Leona exists.
Vladimir: Let's just say that it's a figment of your imagination because Prigozhin spends more time looking at gay content in his search engine than anyone else.
Juno: I don't know because the fact that Prigozhin got into specifics of who this Leona looks like tells me that he went out his way to use the internet to confirm their existence. But could be a stage name for pornography though instead. Russia's homophobic politicians seem to know more about that gross material than any gay furs I know of.
Zax: I don't want to know what Prigozhin's search history looks like. If he hated gays, he wouldn't even know who this specific Leona is, even as a figment of one's imagination.
Lennart the Viking Lion: (narrating in English) Ironic, isn't it? The knight of
)
Igor: There's no east or west; just this world. Russia desires to be part of this world more because wars should be in the past. Soldiers are defenders not attackers. Boys want to learn trades not war so they can build their communities upwards than to destroy the communities of others.
Elias: I'm so glad that Leonid made sure that homophobia and other LGBTQ+ hate crimes never sees Russia again. Russia will have a great future with Leonid, President or not.
Chuong: I wasn't aware that this Leona exists.
Vladimir: Let's just say that it's a figment of your imagination because Prigozhin spends more time looking at gay content in his search engine than anyone else.
Juno: I don't know because the fact that Prigozhin got into specifics of who this Leona looks like tells me that he went out his way to use the internet to confirm their existence. But could be a stage name for pornography though instead. Russia's homophobic politicians seem to know more about that gross material than any gay furs I know of.
Zax: I don't want to know what Prigozhin's search history looks like. If he hated gays, he wouldn't even know who this specific Leona is, even as a figment of one's imagination.
(Sorry about that; I fixed it.)
Leo: Do you know if this Leona is real or fake?
Leonid: No, but I don't want to.
Super C: Good. I can't have my recruits thinking dirty thoughts. Still, the way you were going after those guys; that was something else!
Leonid: It's a good thing I keep in shape by doing sambo. I've also tried parkour. That helped.
Cripto: You do parkour? I didn't know that.
Leonid: I do. And it helped me beat these villains.
Leo: Do you know if this Leona is real or fake?
Leonid: No, but I don't want to.
Super C: Good. I can't have my recruits thinking dirty thoughts. Still, the way you were going after those guys; that was something else!
Leonid: It's a good thing I keep in shape by doing sambo. I've also tried parkour. That helped.
Cripto: You do parkour? I didn't know that.
Leonid: I do. And it helped me beat these villains.
Chuong: Let's just say it's fake for the sake of everybody's sanity.
Zax: And no I don't wear leather harnesses nor is it exclusive to the LGBTQ+ community. Neither does Juno.
Juno: Let's not go there. *To Leonid* I see. But I knew you'd show those villains who's boss!
Zax: And no I don't wear leather harnesses nor is it exclusive to the LGBTQ+ community. Neither does Juno.
Juno: Let's not go there. *To Leonid* I see. But I knew you'd show those villains who's boss!
Leonid: Thank you. *to Zax* Also thanks to you for avoiding that, and for helping us debunk all the myths about that crowd.
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