Oof. Yup, one of my biggest fears and motivators, not to be like my father.

Yay family trauma, it's why we're all in therapy.
But uh, welcome back?

We must break the cycles!

I think that fear of being like them is what makes you better than they were.

Literally earlier tonight I got off an uncomfortable phone call with my dad with me hardly able to understand his drunken slurs. He was recently hospitalized for the millionth time from over-drinking. I'm so numb to it though at this point. But yeah, I usually stay away from alcohol thanks to him

In some ways, in others I'm more disappointed in how they act and I know I won't ever act that way... Different life philosophy

Yup.

Big oof.

this hit hard...

Once upon a time, but mine is such an off the wall narcissistic ball of exploitation and hatred that's just really so far out there with his ludicrous statements and actions I realized one day that I simply am not.

In fact, I completely just abandoned the idea of comparing myself to family and also excised the family I saw as cancerous from my life.

I have never been happier.

All the time. I hope I'm never like my parents.

This is me sadly

To the point I’m reluctant to have any relationships or even have kids.

No, I'm not scared of ending up like my parents. Learning from them what not to be wasn't easy but it was at least blatant.

No, what I'm afraid of is not seeing my own unique way of screwing up.

Yeah. Makes us different.

The father is represented with red and the son with blue. And the sons teeth, claws and some of the alcohol are a shade of purple..

All the freakin' time, dude - it's inescapable.

I hope what you're going through gets better.
It's scary and hard when our parents get old and start facing that final, degenerative chapter of their lives.
And it's even harder if your parent is abusive. I wish you so much love

mood

Constantly. One reason I never had kids.

Powerfully done piece. Captured a lot of the weight of a conversation like this

Yeah.
Unfortunately, i am my father's son.
Not 100% at least, it's a consolation.
Just waiting for the other parent to die now.

Yes this conservation kinda hits near home.....

I'ld say I got half the good and half the bad parts of my father.
A few of the bad I'd had lost over the years, a few stayed.


I really hope my kids will be doing better, at least it seeams that way.

Terrified of it, yeah

Ah, generational trauma. What a foul situation for anyone to be put in.

This strikes really close to home. Thank you for posting this, it helped me to think about it and remember that I am not. Sometimes, I need the reminder.

Fuck man I feel this. My dad has gotten less bad now that he’s pushing 60 but he still was a drunk who yelled at me, my brother and my mom. He thankfully never hit us but he’s still a controlling individual who loves to put us down.

My dad got better as he got older, but... I still have fears of being like him in a lot of ways, as I prepare to have my own child.

I swore a long time ago to be better than my dad. Love my old man, but he could have been better, and I will be.

Really excellent piece, I love your use of color here and the weight of the tail

Yes, I do.

Not something I normally talk about, but yes. I feel this one. It gets harder to talk to him but I think that's because I'm going in the right direction of not being like him. One step at a time

every single day.

People like that either make you or break you. Examples of how NOT to be.

Every day, as my siblings too. They don't call anymore, though. Some days I'm happy about that, others it makes me wonder why they dislike me so.

Nope! From an early age I realized my dad was wrong on a lot of things and strove to not be like him. I haven’t talked to him and went no contact about a year and a half ago

Heck bud, you ok? Dementia is a rough one let alone this kind of topic.
I'm a few lines down from the trauma that happened on my dad and moms side, but they never took care of it for themselves before they had me. Now, I'm trying to figure it out, which I know I won't so, the line ends with me. Guess I won't 'be' like them because I won't be a parent.

Oof. Yeah, I learned at LEAST as much what I DON'T want to do from my dad as what I do.

Realizing what they are is half the battle. I feel like there are so many who blindly idolize their fathers so much that it's just an automatic transaction. Especially with the pressure of being a 'favorite.' You just keep fighting

All the time *hugs*

Hope everything is okay, man.
Sometimes drawing it out helps. Hope it did, if that’s the case.
If not, then may this panel help bring peace to someone who needs it.
Fortunately, Dad and I weren’t never that bad off. Regardless, RIP, Dad. Love you.

Because you h-

Always

Yep... Ended up moving halfway across the country to escape my family bs. That was 12 years ago and I never looked back

As others above have observed, the fear is a good sign - an awareness that helps break the cycle.

A claimant father is a large baby who treats others like his toys. And when those stop doing what he wants he is furious and attacks everyone around him.

Yep. It's why I quit drinking

ouch! nice work, this one hits close to home

Miss you dad. Always had. Always will. Wish you could have known your grand-daughters. I should have been a mason like you were and not some crappy nerd.
Miss you.
Miss you.
Miss you.

My older brother was the prime example of what not to do with my life. As for my father, well, I don't want to be like him in so far as he is not me. We're very different in personality and lifestyle.

When I was younger I may have made a conscious choice to not exhibit various behaviors of his, with a fear of the possibility of being like him in some way but those memories are distant and foggy.

We pick and choose our role models and what of them we emulate all the time.

These days, they serve as examples of life consequences that some choices can have. Rather than fear being like them I just use them as lessons to learn from, and aim to make choices with more desirable outcomes.

This does hit me pretty close.

Unfortunately, my father committed his last and final act of cruelty on his deathbed when he literally flinged insults and threats of disowning at my sister despite her being his biggest supporter.

His other acts of cruelty, such as the lies he spread about me and my sister, we did not find out until after he died. I had to come to terms with the fact that I will never have a resolution for what he did. It fucking sucks.

I am definitely afraid of being like him. I see elements of him in myself: We have similar professional and creative interests. We can both turn our charm to 110% when we care to. And twisting truths comes as naturally to me as it seemed to have come to him. It is telling that I entered the same field as he did and our relationship worked a lot better when we treated eachother as professionals in the same field, rather than father and son. I have resolved to never treat people as he treated them. And I have always tried to keep the lessons my mother taught me about being a good person in my heart.

His side of the family are adamant that I have a kid to "continue the family name" because of course they do, like the old money they are. I have no desire to bequeath the bile in my veins any more than I have any desire to damage a child's upbringing with my trauma.

“You think yourself a greater man than your father?”

“...I fear i’m too much a man like my father”

Oneself, (Meaning you) are not your father.
You are different from him; you may have some similarity things about him but you're not him.
Each is different, you wish to excel to heights he never gone to, that is one the differences of you from him.
Good luck, take care, be safe & most of all... have fun!

I've had this conversation. Yeah.

Every damn day, man. Though most days it's fairly background.