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Letters to Cripto: #47
Dear Cripto:
I haven't gotten around to apologizing to you yet, but I wish to do so here because it's been haunting my dreams ever since. I was your high school principal for your unfinished senior year, arriving after Larry Larson had left to take a sabbatical, and quitting when he came back. What I owe you an apology for is the way I behaved, lowering myself to the level of your grandma (or so I thought), because there was the incident where Louis Loserberg tampered with the vending machines so that they'd spew out silver dollars instead of what they are supposed to be dispensing. As a result, everybody's grades fell except for yours (or so it seemed), and when I called the assembly, I said that you were the absolute one individual that my rant did not apply to, so that was why I had you leave the room, and watched some of the teachers go with you. Then I let the kids have it.
In reality, the majority of your senior class actually behaved with the utmost integrity, and were not falling for the trap. Yet due to my rant, I framed them. I'm amazed they were willing to take the punishment. I guess it goes back to the phenomenon you were having where whatever came out of your mouth was treated as the absolute law. How I managed to rant for multiple hours straight, I don't know, but the assembly was at 11 a.m., and everyone was supposed to leave circa noon. Instead, I keep them all the way to 8 p.m., although by 6 p.m., the police finally were able to come in and arrest me on the charges of holding the kids hostage; the superintendent then spoke for 2 more hours. I told the kids they had detention for the whole year, but my superior changed it to just the rest of the month, and made some exceptions based on the classmates that tried to stand up for you (because they did, but I wasn't buying it). The Parker Brothers (insert your own board game joke here, but I'm referring to Jack and Blake, who now play with their dad as members of the Taiko Tigers) had no involvement whatsoever, and were your staunchest defenders.
I've always been the hard and cynical type. I never trusted anybody. Now I've paid the ultimate price for it, but it was my genuine anger that got me in the end. CNG never got to me, the C.I.D.F. had determined, which is a miracle because you would have thought it did. I guess it was because I was yelling into the microphones on the podium that made it sound like it was 20,000 decibles, because it broke the glass on some doors and windows, which is how the police were able to come in and arrest me. (I also broke some glass with a hammer. I wanted to hit the kids, but I didn't.) The C.I.D.F. did say, though, that if CNG had gotten to me, it would have killed me, because it wanted to kill all humans. I'm amazed it didn't kill all of humanity in one fell swoop. It wanted to do that. I guess it wasn't strong enough yet. Who knows?
In the end, the trial ruled me not guilty, which was a surprise because I assumed I was going to prison forever. The judge instead gave me the following options: A) retire from education as a whole, B) find a different school to be principal of, or C) pay a fine of $50,000 to account for all the broken glass. I did both options A and C, but I finished the year before retiring. This is why when you decided to start doing game shows again, I had you pull money out of thin air and give $10,000 to each person in the audience, telling them that if they did not properly invest it, but instead managed it poorly, I'd talk their parents into sending them a military reform school and let the drill sergeants and instructors bellow at them to the point they would wish they had never been born. Obviously, nobody blew it.
In any case, I thank you for letting me write to you, and I'm glad to see that your adult life has gone so much smoother than your life was from chilhood to adolesence, even though you've had some rough battles fighting evil as a superhero. Even I consider you to be the ultimate superhero.
Sincerely,
Samuel Simmons, age 68 (human being)
Wildcat City, Kansas, USA
P.S. I wrote you this letter because I have laryngitis right now, but I think it's just my allergies. The ragweed is worse than ever.
Cripto's response:
Dear Mr. Simmons:
On behalf of myself and everybody else, I forgive you. The only explanation I can give for that vending machine incident is the fact CNG was setting Louis up for his ultimate doom, because he could warp reality similar to the way I could. As a result, Daphne Davis, of all classmates (and you've seen her be my co-host on some of my game show projects, as well as co-host the new version of "Face the Music" alongside Leo the Patriotic Lion in his heyday as a game show host), ended up getting a handful of silver dollars when all she wanted to buy was a Diet Pepsi (or whatever the drink was; it was a diet soda). Another student witnessed this, tried it for himself, and got the same thing. It was his choice to break the news to everybody; if he had kept his mouth shut, or just simply told me about it, I could have fixed the problem a lot earlier. (Eventually I did use my powers to correct everything.) But no; he spread the word, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
Yes, it's true you had me summon $10,000 a person that day, but I didn't want to do it at first because I thought they'd go back to that easy living mentality, even after all the graphic images you and the superintendent showed them about what that lifestyle does to people.
You overreacted, but so did I, I do confess, because I had not only gone on strike by putting the game shows on hiatus, but I sold and/or sacrificed everything I had through various garage sales, donating things, or just throwing it away if it wasn't worthy to be saved. Eventually there was nothing left in my room but my dresser, closet, bed, desk, a Bible, and the clothes you put in the first two. I had no electronic handheld games, no board games, no toys fro mthe past, no CD-ROM games; nothing! I totally understand you being fed up with the attitudes everybody was showing that day. There were others overreacting as well, because it made the national news of all the networks; it was even on ESPN, because the authorities of KSHSAA ruled that this scandal was worthy enough of stripping the school of the state championships it won the last three years in a row, and giving them to the losers by default. (It's also why the basketball team didn't play any more games that year.)
If it makes you feel better, I had the C.I.D.F. do a confirmation. The old Bendraqi didn't get you with his hypnosis serums that he used back then; nor did CNG get to you (although it would have gone after you eventually because it wanted to kill all of humanity just for existing). It was your genuine choice to go the wrong direction when handling a scenario like that. If you were going to let them have it, I think you should have quit after one hour. Either way, any new history textbooks on all levels from elementary school to college level are now mentioning this crazy story.
It might also be worth knowing that the kids felt so back from it, they decided to give me a refund, so to speak. In the end, they were showering me with all sort of cash and prizes, including a brand new car. It ended up being my first car officially, since it was a 2008 Ford Focus. (I now drive that Dodge Challenger; that was a gift from someone else, though.) I made sure I thanked everybody not just for the gifts, but for behaving themselves throughout that whole ordeal, since the majority of the class had indeed behaved themselves,
I hope that helps clear things up for you. Your apology is accepted, and I can relate, because I, too, have troubles with ragweed when it comes to allergies. The miracle is that I haven't been sick since 2016 (what a miserable year that was for me, but that's a long story).
Overall, my adult life has gone smoother. I wasn't planning being the most powerful superhero in the universe; fate just decided by random chance that it would be me. I don't think of myself as the ultimate superhero, though, but the world does. It's quite a huge responsibility, and I sometimes struggle to keep it from going to my head, because this is something you cannot afford to take for granted. Thankfully, I have learned how to control it better, and with the huge amount of G-52s we have, it's easier than ever to work as a team player, and not act as if the weight of the world is literally on my shoulders.
Thanks for writing to me.
Yours truly,
Nathan Knight, a.k.a. CriptoCat (Cripto for short)
Frontman for the rock band Furry Fury
-----------------------------------------
Letters to Cripto: #47
Dear Cripto:
I haven't gotten around to apologizing to you yet, but I wish to do so here because it's been haunting my dreams ever since. I was your high school principal for your unfinished senior year, arriving after Larry Larson had left to take a sabbatical, and quitting when he came back. What I owe you an apology for is the way I behaved, lowering myself to the level of your grandma (or so I thought), because there was the incident where Louis Loserberg tampered with the vending machines so that they'd spew out silver dollars instead of what they are supposed to be dispensing. As a result, everybody's grades fell except for yours (or so it seemed), and when I called the assembly, I said that you were the absolute one individual that my rant did not apply to, so that was why I had you leave the room, and watched some of the teachers go with you. Then I let the kids have it.
In reality, the majority of your senior class actually behaved with the utmost integrity, and were not falling for the trap. Yet due to my rant, I framed them. I'm amazed they were willing to take the punishment. I guess it goes back to the phenomenon you were having where whatever came out of your mouth was treated as the absolute law. How I managed to rant for multiple hours straight, I don't know, but the assembly was at 11 a.m., and everyone was supposed to leave circa noon. Instead, I keep them all the way to 8 p.m., although by 6 p.m., the police finally were able to come in and arrest me on the charges of holding the kids hostage; the superintendent then spoke for 2 more hours. I told the kids they had detention for the whole year, but my superior changed it to just the rest of the month, and made some exceptions based on the classmates that tried to stand up for you (because they did, but I wasn't buying it). The Parker Brothers (insert your own board game joke here, but I'm referring to Jack and Blake, who now play with their dad as members of the Taiko Tigers) had no involvement whatsoever, and were your staunchest defenders.
I've always been the hard and cynical type. I never trusted anybody. Now I've paid the ultimate price for it, but it was my genuine anger that got me in the end. CNG never got to me, the C.I.D.F. had determined, which is a miracle because you would have thought it did. I guess it was because I was yelling into the microphones on the podium that made it sound like it was 20,000 decibles, because it broke the glass on some doors and windows, which is how the police were able to come in and arrest me. (I also broke some glass with a hammer. I wanted to hit the kids, but I didn't.) The C.I.D.F. did say, though, that if CNG had gotten to me, it would have killed me, because it wanted to kill all humans. I'm amazed it didn't kill all of humanity in one fell swoop. It wanted to do that. I guess it wasn't strong enough yet. Who knows?
In the end, the trial ruled me not guilty, which was a surprise because I assumed I was going to prison forever. The judge instead gave me the following options: A) retire from education as a whole, B) find a different school to be principal of, or C) pay a fine of $50,000 to account for all the broken glass. I did both options A and C, but I finished the year before retiring. This is why when you decided to start doing game shows again, I had you pull money out of thin air and give $10,000 to each person in the audience, telling them that if they did not properly invest it, but instead managed it poorly, I'd talk their parents into sending them a military reform school and let the drill sergeants and instructors bellow at them to the point they would wish they had never been born. Obviously, nobody blew it.
In any case, I thank you for letting me write to you, and I'm glad to see that your adult life has gone so much smoother than your life was from chilhood to adolesence, even though you've had some rough battles fighting evil as a superhero. Even I consider you to be the ultimate superhero.
Sincerely,
Samuel Simmons, age 68 (human being)
Wildcat City, Kansas, USA
P.S. I wrote you this letter because I have laryngitis right now, but I think it's just my allergies. The ragweed is worse than ever.
Cripto's response:
Dear Mr. Simmons:
On behalf of myself and everybody else, I forgive you. The only explanation I can give for that vending machine incident is the fact CNG was setting Louis up for his ultimate doom, because he could warp reality similar to the way I could. As a result, Daphne Davis, of all classmates (and you've seen her be my co-host on some of my game show projects, as well as co-host the new version of "Face the Music" alongside Leo the Patriotic Lion in his heyday as a game show host), ended up getting a handful of silver dollars when all she wanted to buy was a Diet Pepsi (or whatever the drink was; it was a diet soda). Another student witnessed this, tried it for himself, and got the same thing. It was his choice to break the news to everybody; if he had kept his mouth shut, or just simply told me about it, I could have fixed the problem a lot earlier. (Eventually I did use my powers to correct everything.) But no; he spread the word, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
Yes, it's true you had me summon $10,000 a person that day, but I didn't want to do it at first because I thought they'd go back to that easy living mentality, even after all the graphic images you and the superintendent showed them about what that lifestyle does to people.
You overreacted, but so did I, I do confess, because I had not only gone on strike by putting the game shows on hiatus, but I sold and/or sacrificed everything I had through various garage sales, donating things, or just throwing it away if it wasn't worthy to be saved. Eventually there was nothing left in my room but my dresser, closet, bed, desk, a Bible, and the clothes you put in the first two. I had no electronic handheld games, no board games, no toys fro mthe past, no CD-ROM games; nothing! I totally understand you being fed up with the attitudes everybody was showing that day. There were others overreacting as well, because it made the national news of all the networks; it was even on ESPN, because the authorities of KSHSAA ruled that this scandal was worthy enough of stripping the school of the state championships it won the last three years in a row, and giving them to the losers by default. (It's also why the basketball team didn't play any more games that year.)
If it makes you feel better, I had the C.I.D.F. do a confirmation. The old Bendraqi didn't get you with his hypnosis serums that he used back then; nor did CNG get to you (although it would have gone after you eventually because it wanted to kill all of humanity just for existing). It was your genuine choice to go the wrong direction when handling a scenario like that. If you were going to let them have it, I think you should have quit after one hour. Either way, any new history textbooks on all levels from elementary school to college level are now mentioning this crazy story.
It might also be worth knowing that the kids felt so back from it, they decided to give me a refund, so to speak. In the end, they were showering me with all sort of cash and prizes, including a brand new car. It ended up being my first car officially, since it was a 2008 Ford Focus. (I now drive that Dodge Challenger; that was a gift from someone else, though.) I made sure I thanked everybody not just for the gifts, but for behaving themselves throughout that whole ordeal, since the majority of the class had indeed behaved themselves,
I hope that helps clear things up for you. Your apology is accepted, and I can relate, because I, too, have troubles with ragweed when it comes to allergies. The miracle is that I haven't been sick since 2016 (what a miserable year that was for me, but that's a long story).
Overall, my adult life has gone smoother. I wasn't planning being the most powerful superhero in the universe; fate just decided by random chance that it would be me. I don't think of myself as the ultimate superhero, though, but the world does. It's quite a huge responsibility, and I sometimes struggle to keep it from going to my head, because this is something you cannot afford to take for granted. Thankfully, I have learned how to control it better, and with the huge amount of G-52s we have, it's easier than ever to work as a team player, and not act as if the weight of the world is literally on my shoulders.
Thanks for writing to me.
Yours truly,
Nathan Knight, a.k.a. CriptoCat (Cripto for short)
Frontman for the rock band Furry Fury
Cripto's forty-seventh letter.
All characters mentioned © me and me alone
All characters mentioned © me and me alone
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 120 x 120px
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