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Letters to Cripto: #48
Dear Cripto,
How frequently during the fan mail crisis were you getting letters asking you uncomfortable questions related to your late grandmother, Chloe Clements? I ask because I used to be her next-door neighbor, right up to the day she passed away. I was also fed up with her proclamations. I know she was saved; she had the means to prove it. She just had no tolerance for the modern world. 49 times out of 50, it was all about her twisted version of the Lord's sacred doctrine, even though in certain cases, she wasn't twisting it on purpose. Still, I can imagine what the Lord said to her when she gave Him an account of her life, because she did make it all about her. And she didn't even believe in the prosperity messages you hear from preachers such as Joel Osteen.
I can't stand televanglists for that very reason. I know your grandma was always complaining about them, but my other neighbors felt that the way she enforced her take on the doctrine lowered her to their level. By your beliefs, is that true or false?
In any case, I hope you're doing well, and I'm just as thankful as you are that the crisis has ended.
Sincerely,
Gladys O'Sullivan, age 59 (human being)
Wildcat City, Kansas, USA
Cripto's response:
Dear Gladys:
I'm going to say by my best judgment that the statement your neighbors made about my grandma was a false one. She wanted a world where television and radio did not exist. Essentially, it would have been like the planet Kriegland, but with humans only, so she couldn't possibly have lowered herself to that level. If I had to make an educated guess about how much fan mail I was getting during the crisis asking questions about her (and it was bugging Super C as much as it was me, believe me), I'd say it calculates to about 55%. Please note that the majority of those letters did not get a reply from me; the boss (Super C) has to approve which letters do get a response, as well as how I respond to the question.
I have the same problems you have with televangelists also, and I'm sorry to say that I once met Joel Osteen, because the G-52s and our allies ended up being the ones that exposed him for the person he really is, even though we did not judge him. After all, it does clearly state in the Bible, "Do not judge, or you, too, will be judged." Grandma judged, and she was judged. I have judged, too, and I have been judged. Thankfully, my life as an adult tiger has been so much smoother than it was from my younger days.
Did that help? If not, let me know what I missed.
Yours truly,
Nathan Knight, a.k.a. CriptoCat (Cripto for short)
Frontman for the rock band Furry Fury
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Letters to Cripto: #48
Dear Cripto,
How frequently during the fan mail crisis were you getting letters asking you uncomfortable questions related to your late grandmother, Chloe Clements? I ask because I used to be her next-door neighbor, right up to the day she passed away. I was also fed up with her proclamations. I know she was saved; she had the means to prove it. She just had no tolerance for the modern world. 49 times out of 50, it was all about her twisted version of the Lord's sacred doctrine, even though in certain cases, she wasn't twisting it on purpose. Still, I can imagine what the Lord said to her when she gave Him an account of her life, because she did make it all about her. And she didn't even believe in the prosperity messages you hear from preachers such as Joel Osteen.
I can't stand televanglists for that very reason. I know your grandma was always complaining about them, but my other neighbors felt that the way she enforced her take on the doctrine lowered her to their level. By your beliefs, is that true or false?
In any case, I hope you're doing well, and I'm just as thankful as you are that the crisis has ended.
Sincerely,
Gladys O'Sullivan, age 59 (human being)
Wildcat City, Kansas, USA
Cripto's response:
Dear Gladys:
I'm going to say by my best judgment that the statement your neighbors made about my grandma was a false one. She wanted a world where television and radio did not exist. Essentially, it would have been like the planet Kriegland, but with humans only, so she couldn't possibly have lowered herself to that level. If I had to make an educated guess about how much fan mail I was getting during the crisis asking questions about her (and it was bugging Super C as much as it was me, believe me), I'd say it calculates to about 55%. Please note that the majority of those letters did not get a reply from me; the boss (Super C) has to approve which letters do get a response, as well as how I respond to the question.
I have the same problems you have with televangelists also, and I'm sorry to say that I once met Joel Osteen, because the G-52s and our allies ended up being the ones that exposed him for the person he really is, even though we did not judge him. After all, it does clearly state in the Bible, "Do not judge, or you, too, will be judged." Grandma judged, and she was judged. I have judged, too, and I have been judged. Thankfully, my life as an adult tiger has been so much smoother than it was from my younger days.
Did that help? If not, let me know what I missed.
Yours truly,
Nathan Knight, a.k.a. CriptoCat (Cripto for short)
Frontman for the rock band Furry Fury
Cripto's forty-eighth letter.
Character © me and me alone
Joel Osteen © himself
Character © me and me alone
Joel Osteen © himself
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 120 x 120px
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