LYRICS:
============
5 am, and got no sleep, fighting battles, hating me
wish I could just live my dreams, maybe its not meant to be
years are passing, yet again, feels like hours never end
always staring at the clock, is it normal to feel lost?
Spiraling down in my head
Wondering if I'd be better off dead..
ADHD, leave me be, insomnia, I've had enough,
Anxiety, I'm sick of thee.. So tired of being tired of me
I don't mean to make you cry, I just want a better life
Every single time I try, always fails but I'm alive
So I fight through every day, over things blocking my way
Learn to see the best in me, maybe one day I'll be free
from the hell inside my brain, hope I make it through today
Know I'm trying desperately, so tired of being tired of me..
============
5 am, and got no sleep, fighting battles, hating me
wish I could just live my dreams, maybe its not meant to be
years are passing, yet again, feels like hours never end
always staring at the clock, is it normal to feel lost?
Spiraling down in my head
Wondering if I'd be better off dead..
ADHD, leave me be, insomnia, I've had enough,
Anxiety, I'm sick of thee.. So tired of being tired of me
I don't mean to make you cry, I just want a better life
Every single time I try, always fails but I'm alive
So I fight through every day, over things blocking my way
Learn to see the best in me, maybe one day I'll be free
from the hell inside my brain, hope I make it through today
Know I'm trying desperately, so tired of being tired of me..
Category Music / Other Music
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 120 x 115px
As an ADHD person myself, there is a lot to relate to but the bit about sleep is the big one. Brain won't stop thinking... even when you're trying to sleep. LOL.
Sorry to hear, it all gets so consuming sometimes. especially when you basically have nobody like i do
It's a coin. Two sides. On one side is the good... amazing imagination... artistic... seeing the world and everything else differently than 'normies'. Then there's the other side... occasional losing train of thought... mind riot far too often... half the time you're wired up and the other time your battery is dead. And we keep hearing we're 'not able to focus'. That's not true... all the time. More often than not, we hyper focus. The world ceases to exist and we're fixated on whatever it is we're fixated on. Other times we can start a conversation about tacos and end up talking nuclear physics. Our minds racing ahead at breakneck speed from thought to thought. It's a wild ride. Cool when we're in control... chaos when we're not. Mostly I feel blessed to have the problem. It's good times simply outshine all the bad even if the bad happens more frequently.
But I do self medicate to sleep at night. No matter what I do, the brain just keeps going. The Energizer Bunny has nothing on my mind. ROTFL
But I do self medicate to sleep at night. No matter what I do, the brain just keeps going. The Energizer Bunny has nothing on my mind. ROTFL
I can definitely say, when I actually want to do something I'm like hyperfocused but any little inconvenience can and will put a halt to the entire situation and self hate starts to take over. Maybe its because i've gone untreated and undiagnosed my whole life until recently. and i have a medication phobia so i still don't get treatment. I've always just dealt with it and I'm 28 now and I still feel I'm in the same place I've been mentally since 16 and I can't even hold a regular job for more than a month or 2 without getting so mentally drained its exhausting, and while I'm at work ever single minute feels like an hour and its agonizing to keep working so I just do uber eats and doordash so I can work on my own terms, but people are just NOT tipping anymore, and base pay is just 2.50 and shits just not worth it anymore. Days get more and more hopeless as I try to keep going and still feel stuck in place in an ever growing mess of a room not knowing where to even begin, until eventually I feel sick enough of sitting in filth eases up enough for me to have motivation to clean it. Sure, when I finally get hyperfixated on something its great when it all comes together, but is it worth it for the rest of the time I feel like a complete waste of matter because I can't do shit? I guess everyone has different experiences and I'm glad you have a better time with it. Seems like a lot of people can just zone out and do what they need to do and god how I wish I could do that and actually make consistent money and be happy and live in a nicely clean comfortable area but its so much more of a battle than people think and I always get called lazy and a loser when its so much more effort to continue existing this way than people realize. I'm not lazy, I'm going through a nightmare until I go to sleep, and even if i have actual nightmares, It still feels better than fighting through reality.
When I was a little kid the principal or our Grade School forbade me to return until I had been 'diagnosed and medicated'. So mom did... and found me in the closet, drooling and acting like a zombie. So she took half of one of my pills and it wiped her out. My grades went to crap because my head was a stinking pile of sleeping crap. Sure... it helped knock down my hyper... just like a tranquilizer knocks down an elephant. Kinda stupid, IMHO. Dad packed us up and we moved to a smaller town and school and I did fine... but still had to fight through my issues. We had a great school counselor though and that got me through.
As an adult though, I needed to still take the edge off and I found marijuana was the key. That lasted until I got older and my body changed. Now I'm still ADHD but I don't have those crazy days as often so I don't need medicated.
It's different for each person. What works for me might not work for you... but there's an answer out there somewhere. Never be afraid to walk away from anything you don't think is helping and be open to things you might think are just "bunk science" or bad suggestions. Never do stuff that can seriously screw with you. Ritalin isn't for every single ADHD case but it gets a blanket usage far too often. It's an imperfect life we live... but it sure is fun more often than not when you accept your differences and choose to use them, not get used by them. I think it's the same for those that are Autistic... or some such other issue. Be proud of your difference and learn how to use it. For us ADHD people, that's generally something inventive or artistic. I am a writer... an artist (cartoonist)... a musician... a mechanic... a 'fixer'... and a problem solver. Things I found I do well and enjoy doing. Since I can't settle on one thing I do them all. Not all at the same time though.
As an adult though, I needed to still take the edge off and I found marijuana was the key. That lasted until I got older and my body changed. Now I'm still ADHD but I don't have those crazy days as often so I don't need medicated.
It's different for each person. What works for me might not work for you... but there's an answer out there somewhere. Never be afraid to walk away from anything you don't think is helping and be open to things you might think are just "bunk science" or bad suggestions. Never do stuff that can seriously screw with you. Ritalin isn't for every single ADHD case but it gets a blanket usage far too often. It's an imperfect life we live... but it sure is fun more often than not when you accept your differences and choose to use them, not get used by them. I think it's the same for those that are Autistic... or some such other issue. Be proud of your difference and learn how to use it. For us ADHD people, that's generally something inventive or artistic. I am a writer... an artist (cartoonist)... a musician... a mechanic... a 'fixer'... and a problem solver. Things I found I do well and enjoy doing. Since I can't settle on one thing I do them all. Not all at the same time though.
I get you there, I guess that's why I also do a lot of different things. I work on cars, mess with technology, make music, photograph and videography, editing, and yes, fix and improvise fixes on things as well.
Can relate to 100%. I mean, there are times when I feel good or downright extatic, probably just in contrast, but they are usually rather short lived.
I doubt that I could have put it any better. Those consecutive days of incapactiy and nothingnessare really tiresome can really tear me down and make me doubt myself.
I doubt that I could have put it any better. Those consecutive days of incapactiy and nothingness
Comments