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Letters to Cripto: #55
Dear Cripto,
I feel it is my patriotic duty to tell you this, but that's also because I am waiting for my turn to be documented by the C.I.D.F. about a CNG transformation that happened to me. The news has mentioned a few stories about all these tabloid terrorists, all of whom are trying to dig up dirt on Leo the Patriotic Lion because of all the bellowing he did, your big boss (Super C) because he's allegedly a bad example of leadership himself, and worst of all, you, because everybody keeps inquring about your grandma, Chloe Clements.
I am sadly cousins with one of these terrorists, and his father actually tried to kill me with CNG on one occasion; obviously, it killed him instead, because it felt it would preserve all of those who are active military. (I'm retired now, but I was in the Marine Corps, just like Boomcat. The CNG turned me from a human into a chocolate lab. I think that was just a totally random choice on its behalf.) Why was he trying to kill me? Simple: I would not continue his family business, because the family business wasn't a legit business, such as baking or manufacturing office supplies. I instead joined the Marine Corps because I wanted to be a hero, not a criminal.
My cousin's obsession with you is not your grandmother, but the brief period of your high school years where CNG tried to make you a carbon copy of Leo the Patriotic Lion, because whatever you said, your classmates did without bothering to question the integrity or logic of your orders. Now as a soldier, I am expected to follow orders without question as well, but my officers know better than to tell me to do something stupid. Most of my later years in the Marine Corps wasn't spent in combat, but in furry versions of units such as the Silent Drill Platoon. And thanks to the Forsythians, there was always live music to accompany this. I found no greater feeling than when I raised my right hand to salute when the drummers beat a drum roll on the drums, commanding the playing of our national anthem. I even would imagine a giant American flag flying behind me.
Today, I work for WBC's animation division, and I'm a storyboard artist for the proposed all-CGI remake of "The Adventures of Drummer Dog." I just hope I get everything right; some people on YouTube say that drums are never animated correctly.
Anyways, my question is this: why did CNG want you to be a carbon copy of Leo? I'm also sorry if this gets you in trouble with your boss, but I felt that if I know the real truth, I can use it against my cousin. If only my uncle hadn't let that stuff brainwash him into doing evil; now he's suffering for it in the afterlife.
Thanks for letting me alert you on this matter. I salute you and the G-52s for fighting the good fight, even though we live in a society in which the humans don't appreciate you one bit. Well, a select group of humans; sometimes the media makes it look as if the whole country treats you like crap and takes you for granted. All the humans I know don't do that.
Sincerely yours,
Ret. Major General Johnathan Briggs, now age 37 (chocolate Labrador retriever, formerly human being)
Originally from Boise, Idaho, USA
Now living in Wildcat City, Kansas, USA
NOTE: This is another case where Super C had to approve the letter before Cripto could write a response. He did, however, and took notes for his own records about the transformation of the soldier from human being to chocolate lab.
Cripto's reply:
Dear Ret. Major General Briggs:
Let me thank you for your service, first of all. I share your frustration; some say CNG turning you permanently into an animal is possibly worse than death. The difference is that it happened to me almost 24 hours after I was born; it made me a tiger. (I still haven't figured out why, but there's a reason for everything.) It turned you into a chocolate lab only because your twisted uncle was trying to kill you because you wouldn't turn to a life of crime. (We know for certain CNG did indeed preserve all military personnel, but by turning you into a chocolate lab, it was still doing what it wanted to do: erase all of humanity altogether because it was "too savage of a race." I'll let you be the judge of that.)
I talk to the C.I.D.F. about this matter frequently since they were trying to help me discover the cause of it. There are many details about my life I am forbidden to repeat out loud or in these letters by orders of the boss, but you can find them in my series of autobiographical novels entitled "My Mess of a Life (and How I Fixed It)," of which are now eight in total. I don't have enough information or stories to do a ninth volume. Eight is a good number for now. All I am allowed to say is that because I am autistic, I had problems adapting to change. Changes are inevitable, but I stubbornly refused to adapt to them, and instead (unintentionally and unconsciously) began preaching the very things CNG wanted me to say. (This may have happened regardless, because CNG did affect me from birth. Thankfully, I've conquered so many problems now. I still have a long way to ago, but everybody says I'm in a better position now than I was even in my 20s.)
After one specific meltdown (again, I'm sworn not to repeat it, but the fact is I can't figure out which meltdown was the meltdown that triggered it), that's when the phenomenon began. It ended after I had taken and passed the G.E.D. test, showing I am no dummy. (My conscience always told me that I was just that. Would a dummy be able to write and perform the rock music that I write? Certainly not!) We know for sure that there was still the problems I had with bullying, but I could easily hold my own against them. I have reconciled with all the bullies except the obvious one (Louis Loserberg, because he's dead), and they admitted that I did nothing to them; I was just an easy target. Nobody knew at the time I was autistic, though; they thought I was just a moron who wanted the spotlight all the time.
But what do all the meltdowns have in common? Nobody anticipated that I would have them in the first place. I admitted that I did not want to be guilty by association, so I'd prove it wasn't my fault by getting in trouble for something entirely different. The weirdest part about the period, however, is the fact it began when I was 14, and yet my superpowers first came to me when I was 15. I still haven't figured that one out yet.
So why did CNG want me to be a carbon copy of Leo? In short, I was saying the same things he was, although not at his level; I was just wanting everybody to be like me, which doesn't work. TV game shows are my forte, but TV wouldn't exist without all the other genres of it, including what you're doing as a CGI animator. At his level, since CNG wanted him to be the Galactic Emperor of the Universe for real (partially because his dad was CNG's original choice, but died an untimely death back in 1964), TV would not exist. Nothing after the year 1950 would have existed, at least not unless it was the beneficial sort of technology, such as that of the medical field. What a depressing world we'd live in if that was real. No rock and roll; no game shows; nothing!
In any case, I hope that gives you all the answers you wanted; if not, feel free to write back and let me know where I missed. Let's keep in touch, though; as a superhero, I protect everybody, so I'm not going to let your cousin do anything bad to you. Besides, nobody even cares about tabloids anymore, let alone reads them. In the end, the whole concept of the tabloid terrorism is that it's just a worthless hate crime all for nothing. It's not just the U.S. that has this problem, though; we're seeing tabloid terrorism happening in the U.K., Canada, and even down under in Australia. I don't know why they even bother.
Thanks for your letter; you're already a courageous dog for serving as a Marine, but even more so now because you're willing to turn in your own cousin as the mastermind of people obsessing on my troubled years as a teenager, all of which were before I even became a rock singer.
Yours truly,
Nathan Knight, a.k.a. CriptoCat (Cripto for short)
Frontman for the rock band Furry Fury
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Letters to Cripto: #55
Dear Cripto,
I feel it is my patriotic duty to tell you this, but that's also because I am waiting for my turn to be documented by the C.I.D.F. about a CNG transformation that happened to me. The news has mentioned a few stories about all these tabloid terrorists, all of whom are trying to dig up dirt on Leo the Patriotic Lion because of all the bellowing he did, your big boss (Super C) because he's allegedly a bad example of leadership himself, and worst of all, you, because everybody keeps inquring about your grandma, Chloe Clements.
I am sadly cousins with one of these terrorists, and his father actually tried to kill me with CNG on one occasion; obviously, it killed him instead, because it felt it would preserve all of those who are active military. (I'm retired now, but I was in the Marine Corps, just like Boomcat. The CNG turned me from a human into a chocolate lab. I think that was just a totally random choice on its behalf.) Why was he trying to kill me? Simple: I would not continue his family business, because the family business wasn't a legit business, such as baking or manufacturing office supplies. I instead joined the Marine Corps because I wanted to be a hero, not a criminal.
My cousin's obsession with you is not your grandmother, but the brief period of your high school years where CNG tried to make you a carbon copy of Leo the Patriotic Lion, because whatever you said, your classmates did without bothering to question the integrity or logic of your orders. Now as a soldier, I am expected to follow orders without question as well, but my officers know better than to tell me to do something stupid. Most of my later years in the Marine Corps wasn't spent in combat, but in furry versions of units such as the Silent Drill Platoon. And thanks to the Forsythians, there was always live music to accompany this. I found no greater feeling than when I raised my right hand to salute when the drummers beat a drum roll on the drums, commanding the playing of our national anthem. I even would imagine a giant American flag flying behind me.
Today, I work for WBC's animation division, and I'm a storyboard artist for the proposed all-CGI remake of "The Adventures of Drummer Dog." I just hope I get everything right; some people on YouTube say that drums are never animated correctly.
Anyways, my question is this: why did CNG want you to be a carbon copy of Leo? I'm also sorry if this gets you in trouble with your boss, but I felt that if I know the real truth, I can use it against my cousin. If only my uncle hadn't let that stuff brainwash him into doing evil; now he's suffering for it in the afterlife.
Thanks for letting me alert you on this matter. I salute you and the G-52s for fighting the good fight, even though we live in a society in which the humans don't appreciate you one bit. Well, a select group of humans; sometimes the media makes it look as if the whole country treats you like crap and takes you for granted. All the humans I know don't do that.
Sincerely yours,
Ret. Major General Johnathan Briggs, now age 37 (chocolate Labrador retriever, formerly human being)
Originally from Boise, Idaho, USA
Now living in Wildcat City, Kansas, USA
NOTE: This is another case where Super C had to approve the letter before Cripto could write a response. He did, however, and took notes for his own records about the transformation of the soldier from human being to chocolate lab.
Cripto's reply:
Dear Ret. Major General Briggs:
Let me thank you for your service, first of all. I share your frustration; some say CNG turning you permanently into an animal is possibly worse than death. The difference is that it happened to me almost 24 hours after I was born; it made me a tiger. (I still haven't figured out why, but there's a reason for everything.) It turned you into a chocolate lab only because your twisted uncle was trying to kill you because you wouldn't turn to a life of crime. (We know for certain CNG did indeed preserve all military personnel, but by turning you into a chocolate lab, it was still doing what it wanted to do: erase all of humanity altogether because it was "too savage of a race." I'll let you be the judge of that.)
I talk to the C.I.D.F. about this matter frequently since they were trying to help me discover the cause of it. There are many details about my life I am forbidden to repeat out loud or in these letters by orders of the boss, but you can find them in my series of autobiographical novels entitled "My Mess of a Life (and How I Fixed It)," of which are now eight in total. I don't have enough information or stories to do a ninth volume. Eight is a good number for now. All I am allowed to say is that because I am autistic, I had problems adapting to change. Changes are inevitable, but I stubbornly refused to adapt to them, and instead (unintentionally and unconsciously) began preaching the very things CNG wanted me to say. (This may have happened regardless, because CNG did affect me from birth. Thankfully, I've conquered so many problems now. I still have a long way to ago, but everybody says I'm in a better position now than I was even in my 20s.)
After one specific meltdown (again, I'm sworn not to repeat it, but the fact is I can't figure out which meltdown was the meltdown that triggered it), that's when the phenomenon began. It ended after I had taken and passed the G.E.D. test, showing I am no dummy. (My conscience always told me that I was just that. Would a dummy be able to write and perform the rock music that I write? Certainly not!) We know for sure that there was still the problems I had with bullying, but I could easily hold my own against them. I have reconciled with all the bullies except the obvious one (Louis Loserberg, because he's dead), and they admitted that I did nothing to them; I was just an easy target. Nobody knew at the time I was autistic, though; they thought I was just a moron who wanted the spotlight all the time.
But what do all the meltdowns have in common? Nobody anticipated that I would have them in the first place. I admitted that I did not want to be guilty by association, so I'd prove it wasn't my fault by getting in trouble for something entirely different. The weirdest part about the period, however, is the fact it began when I was 14, and yet my superpowers first came to me when I was 15. I still haven't figured that one out yet.
So why did CNG want me to be a carbon copy of Leo? In short, I was saying the same things he was, although not at his level; I was just wanting everybody to be like me, which doesn't work. TV game shows are my forte, but TV wouldn't exist without all the other genres of it, including what you're doing as a CGI animator. At his level, since CNG wanted him to be the Galactic Emperor of the Universe for real (partially because his dad was CNG's original choice, but died an untimely death back in 1964), TV would not exist. Nothing after the year 1950 would have existed, at least not unless it was the beneficial sort of technology, such as that of the medical field. What a depressing world we'd live in if that was real. No rock and roll; no game shows; nothing!
In any case, I hope that gives you all the answers you wanted; if not, feel free to write back and let me know where I missed. Let's keep in touch, though; as a superhero, I protect everybody, so I'm not going to let your cousin do anything bad to you. Besides, nobody even cares about tabloids anymore, let alone reads them. In the end, the whole concept of the tabloid terrorism is that it's just a worthless hate crime all for nothing. It's not just the U.S. that has this problem, though; we're seeing tabloid terrorism happening in the U.K., Canada, and even down under in Australia. I don't know why they even bother.
Thanks for your letter; you're already a courageous dog for serving as a Marine, but even more so now because you're willing to turn in your own cousin as the mastermind of people obsessing on my troubled years as a teenager, all of which were before I even became a rock singer.
Yours truly,
Nathan Knight, a.k.a. CriptoCat (Cripto for short)
Frontman for the rock band Furry Fury
Cripto's fifty-fifth letter, exposing another vital threat to the G-52s and their allies (but primarily aimed at Cripto himself).
Cripto, G-52s, etc. © me and me alone
Picture that inspired the letter: https://www.deviantart.com/aiartpar.....ute-1028732098
Cripto, G-52s, etc. © me and me alone
Picture that inspired the letter: https://www.deviantart.com/aiartpar.....ute-1028732098
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 120 x 120px
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