"Wow, you newshounds are really on the ball!" Dr Jonas Chumbley said, surprise evident from his tone to his body language. The wolf archeologist had dug up the idol just a few days ago and already a journalist was here to interview him about it!
The finding hadn't even been announced publicly. Clearly, this journalist was a master of her craft!
"News raccoon, actually," said the news raccoon, Mrs Ima Sue Trustworthy for the Very Truthy News Times. Not a newspaper Jonas had heard of but he mostly read research journals these days.
Mrs Trustworthy was dressed oddly for a journalist. Wearing a black turtleneck sweater and gloves despite the desert environment. But she did have a hat with a card that said PRESS and a press badge hanging around her neck that said PRESS BADGE.
"Now, Mr Jones..." the journalist began.
"Ah, Jonas is my first name," the archeologist hurriedly interrupted. For some reason, this was a common mistake. "You can call me Jonas or Dr Chumbley."
"So, Dr Chumbley, you barely start digging at the suspected location of the Tomb of the First King and you've already found something!" She gestured at the idol, sitting on the table between the two of them. It had the vague shape of a very curvy woman, with feline ears, and green stones for eyes. "Tell me about this valuable discovery!"
Jonas raised an eyebrow at the word valuable.
"Uh, well, it is certainly valuable from a historical standpoint. For decades, historians knew very little about the First King. We know he founded the Dunian kingdom by uniting the local competing tribes but little else substantive beyond that. This idol is a very important discovery, since it may shed more light on such an important yet obscure figure of Dunian history."
"How very interesting!" said Mrs Ima Sue Trustworthy. "Can I borrow the idol to take some photographs. I'm thinking a full photo essay. Pictures from every angle. Glossy pictures. Maybe scratch 'n sniff if the technology is available."
"I'm sorry, Mrs Trustworthy. The idol can't leave the dig site. There's sadly a bit of a black market for ancient artifacts. Rich families wanting to literally own a piece of Dunian history. And it is too important for our collective knowledge of our country that this piece by studied for what it can teach us."
"Oh? What can this busty little gal teach us?" asked the raccoon.
"Hm, well... the idol was found near a tablet. Possibly a message from the First King himself!"
Jonas took out a print-out and put on his reading glasses. He cleared his throat and read from it. "[Multiple ways to translate this, possibly a name] of Lazily Squatting by the River Tribe [possibly an insult more than a proper name], you have rejected/ignored my overtures. May this gift change your mind/outlook and enhance your beauty."
"Enhance your beauty? Like an accessory?" asked the reporter.
"Perhaps. But Dunian history is full of witches and enchanted artifacts. It's also possible that it cast some kind of glamor or enhanced the owner's charisma. Without more research, I'm not able to do more than speculate."
"Well, that's sufficient! A nice story like that will let me pad out the price!"
Dr Chumbley narrowed his eyes. "Pardon?"
"PRESS BADGE!" shouted Mrs Trustworthy. She tore the badge from around her neck and threw it at the wolf. The rectangular plastic card exploded in a small puff of knock-out gas. The archeologist gasped in surprise and shortly after slumped in his chair.
The supposed Mrs Ima Sue Trustworthy threw off the fake PRESS hat, revealing herself to actually be Rachael Reynard, infamous thief!
The ringtailed rascal picked up the idol. It was probably some ancient dude's equivalent to pornography but the story of a magical idol from the First King would be worth a lot of money to the right buyer.
"You're going to make me enough money to fill up a bathtub. That makes you my new best friend, you sexy snowman shaped thing."
---
But if you're familiar with Rachael and Jonas' history with random idols, you may correctly suspect that the story does not end here.
This is to be continued.
---
Rachael Reynard owned by me
Art by joelasko
The finding hadn't even been announced publicly. Clearly, this journalist was a master of her craft!
"News raccoon, actually," said the news raccoon, Mrs Ima Sue Trustworthy for the Very Truthy News Times. Not a newspaper Jonas had heard of but he mostly read research journals these days.
Mrs Trustworthy was dressed oddly for a journalist. Wearing a black turtleneck sweater and gloves despite the desert environment. But she did have a hat with a card that said PRESS and a press badge hanging around her neck that said PRESS BADGE.
"Now, Mr Jones..." the journalist began.
"Ah, Jonas is my first name," the archeologist hurriedly interrupted. For some reason, this was a common mistake. "You can call me Jonas or Dr Chumbley."
"So, Dr Chumbley, you barely start digging at the suspected location of the Tomb of the First King and you've already found something!" She gestured at the idol, sitting on the table between the two of them. It had the vague shape of a very curvy woman, with feline ears, and green stones for eyes. "Tell me about this valuable discovery!"
Jonas raised an eyebrow at the word valuable.
"Uh, well, it is certainly valuable from a historical standpoint. For decades, historians knew very little about the First King. We know he founded the Dunian kingdom by uniting the local competing tribes but little else substantive beyond that. This idol is a very important discovery, since it may shed more light on such an important yet obscure figure of Dunian history."
"How very interesting!" said Mrs Ima Sue Trustworthy. "Can I borrow the idol to take some photographs. I'm thinking a full photo essay. Pictures from every angle. Glossy pictures. Maybe scratch 'n sniff if the technology is available."
"I'm sorry, Mrs Trustworthy. The idol can't leave the dig site. There's sadly a bit of a black market for ancient artifacts. Rich families wanting to literally own a piece of Dunian history. And it is too important for our collective knowledge of our country that this piece by studied for what it can teach us."
"Oh? What can this busty little gal teach us?" asked the raccoon.
"Hm, well... the idol was found near a tablet. Possibly a message from the First King himself!"
Jonas took out a print-out and put on his reading glasses. He cleared his throat and read from it. "[Multiple ways to translate this, possibly a name] of Lazily Squatting by the River Tribe [possibly an insult more than a proper name], you have rejected/ignored my overtures. May this gift change your mind/outlook and enhance your beauty."
"Enhance your beauty? Like an accessory?" asked the reporter.
"Perhaps. But Dunian history is full of witches and enchanted artifacts. It's also possible that it cast some kind of glamor or enhanced the owner's charisma. Without more research, I'm not able to do more than speculate."
"Well, that's sufficient! A nice story like that will let me pad out the price!"
Dr Chumbley narrowed his eyes. "Pardon?"
"PRESS BADGE!" shouted Mrs Trustworthy. She tore the badge from around her neck and threw it at the wolf. The rectangular plastic card exploded in a small puff of knock-out gas. The archeologist gasped in surprise and shortly after slumped in his chair.
The supposed Mrs Ima Sue Trustworthy threw off the fake PRESS hat, revealing herself to actually be Rachael Reynard, infamous thief!
The ringtailed rascal picked up the idol. It was probably some ancient dude's equivalent to pornography but the story of a magical idol from the First King would be worth a lot of money to the right buyer.
"You're going to make me enough money to fill up a bathtub. That makes you my new best friend, you sexy snowman shaped thing."
---
But if you're familiar with Rachael and Jonas' history with random idols, you may correctly suspect that the story does not end here.
This is to be continued.
---
Rachael Reynard owned by me
Art by joelasko
Category All / All
Species Raccoon
Gender Female
Size 1128 x 1587px
Comments