Got bitchslapped mid-commission on a question my previous therapist asked on why I felt like a villain when I am 'nothing but good' [I'm not btw, like, at all lmao. I'm human like anyone else.]
I 'speak' with my actions more than empty words.
I live honestly, openly.
I do not mask a wicked desire, I seek only to live a enjoyable and quiet life without drama.
I do not need a religion to 'know what's right or wrong' *
I used to be a Dullteeth, but as i've aged i've seen how badly it injures everyone so much worse.
Each Dull bite slowly wearing people out until they become dullteeth too to get it to stop or leave.
* to be transparent I suffered from Religious Abuse from my parents & stepsiblings for near a decade, I don't care if you are a Christian or w/e I just personally lean Agnostic.
I 'speak' with my actions more than empty words.
I live honestly, openly.
I do not mask a wicked desire, I seek only to live a enjoyable and quiet life without drama.
I do not need a religion to 'know what's right or wrong' *
I used to be a Dullteeth, but as i've aged i've seen how badly it injures everyone so much worse.
Each Dull bite slowly wearing people out until they become dullteeth too to get it to stop or leave.
* to be transparent I suffered from Religious Abuse from my parents & stepsiblings for near a decade, I don't care if you are a Christian or w/e I just personally lean Agnostic.
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 2146 x 1717px
Unfortunately, no one is perfect. There is no such thing as perfection. There is no such thing as a purely good being... Just as there is no such thing as a purely evil being. Was just having this conversation today so interesting to see this as well.
Even abusers have good relationships. Even the abused have 'good times' with their abusers... But that doesn't make the abuse right... And that doesn't make it hurt less... and it doesn't make you less either.
Personally, I enjoy the villain characters a lot. They tend to be further fleshed out and have their reasons for what they do rather than just... just cuz. I enjoy that. I enjoy delving into the mindset and understanding my own trauma through them and understanding perhaps why my abusers chose what they did... how much of it could be merely circumstance... wrong place at the wrong time... and some of it is they're just as sick as the rest of us... But they refuse to see that and instead insist they're pure and holy.
It's kind of sad, honestly. Even our abusers have so much potential if they'd just get the much needed, much valuable help. But instead they're stuck in their ways and will repeat, repeat, repeat... Leaving behind more fanged survivors
Even abusers have good relationships. Even the abused have 'good times' with their abusers... But that doesn't make the abuse right... And that doesn't make it hurt less... and it doesn't make you less either.
Personally, I enjoy the villain characters a lot. They tend to be further fleshed out and have their reasons for what they do rather than just... just cuz. I enjoy that. I enjoy delving into the mindset and understanding my own trauma through them and understanding perhaps why my abusers chose what they did... how much of it could be merely circumstance... wrong place at the wrong time... and some of it is they're just as sick as the rest of us... But they refuse to see that and instead insist they're pure and holy.
It's kind of sad, honestly. Even our abusers have so much potential if they'd just get the much needed, much valuable help. But instead they're stuck in their ways and will repeat, repeat, repeat... Leaving behind more fanged survivors
Absolutely. And really? the timing is always wild like that ain't it?
And yes they do, I had amazing relationships with my abusers in the past before their bites started to really ache.
Honestly I think you put the explanation of why villains are so fascinating into better words than I could. They are FLAWED and I find that much more endearing than the perfect hero types. I mean I also like villains because I feel like I deserve to get punished for the crimes I did of the past but that's neither here nor now LMAO.
And yes agree on wishing they'd get help.
I just want everyone to be healthy and happy.
Also the number of dullteeth who try to whiteknight for me as if I'd appreciate it???
And yes they do, I had amazing relationships with my abusers in the past before their bites started to really ache.
Honestly I think you put the explanation of why villains are so fascinating into better words than I could. They are FLAWED and I find that much more endearing than the perfect hero types. I mean I also like villains because I feel like I deserve to get punished for the crimes I did of the past but that's neither here nor now LMAO.
And yes agree on wishing they'd get help.
I just want everyone to be healthy and happy.
Also the number of dullteeth who try to whiteknight for me as if I'd appreciate it???
Timing is wild, lol
So did I. Or even amongst the bad times there would be small good times that would make you feel or think like it was worth it... It was sad, really :c
Oof, boy do I know that feel! It's really difficult to move on from the past, especially if you're taught that you deserved it, so that's just ingrained so deeply in your psyche that you just... feel it. For the rest of your life. So you have to learn to live with it.
Same! Honestly, even the people who hurt... I just want them to be happy and healthy and get some help... I may no longer want them in my life but I don't want them to hurt either.
Really? That's... interesting.
So did I. Or even amongst the bad times there would be small good times that would make you feel or think like it was worth it... It was sad, really :c
Oof, boy do I know that feel! It's really difficult to move on from the past, especially if you're taught that you deserved it, so that's just ingrained so deeply in your psyche that you just... feel it. For the rest of your life. So you have to learn to live with it.
Same! Honestly, even the people who hurt... I just want them to be happy and healthy and get some help... I may no longer want them in my life but I don't want them to hurt either.
Really? That's... interesting.
Totally, its easy to reflect back on the good times while still acknowledging that its gone and that we weren't good for each other
Yep taught I deserved it from the age of 7 so that's the hardest part of it all. I can forgive others but it feels like a impossible task to forgive *myself*
Yeah!! Its so weird, people attacked Exavier below this comment chain for their Kangasnakes being 'like Wisp Vipers' despite Kanga's being the original species in the mix, NOT being the same in any way (the only similarity is that they both have snake in the mix) AND Exavier being a very dear friend of mine LMAO
like I don't care if people make similar designs or concepts xD;
Yep taught I deserved it from the age of 7 so that's the hardest part of it all. I can forgive others but it feels like a impossible task to forgive *myself*
Yeah!! Its so weird, people attacked Exavier below this comment chain for their Kangasnakes being 'like Wisp Vipers' despite Kanga's being the original species in the mix, NOT being the same in any way (the only similarity is that they both have snake in the mix) AND Exavier being a very dear friend of mine LMAO
like I don't care if people make similar designs or concepts xD;
Exactly!~
Uff da, that's really rough but I get that. I used to feel constantly that I deserved to be punished and would do it myself if someone else didn't... it takes a lot to move past.
Whaaa?? I don't understand people who do that... Like, I would get if you messaged the 'og' creator or whatever and asked their opinion but you shouldn't just lash out... and even then, it's still not okay to lash out. Hurting people doesn't fix anything, you know? I'm glad you two are able to work past that, still c: And it's really good and cool of you to not care if people make similar, that's a redeemable trait
Uff da, that's really rough but I get that. I used to feel constantly that I deserved to be punished and would do it myself if someone else didn't... it takes a lot to move past.
Whaaa?? I don't understand people who do that... Like, I would get if you messaged the 'og' creator or whatever and asked their opinion but you shouldn't just lash out... and even then, it's still not okay to lash out. Hurting people doesn't fix anything, you know? I'm glad you two are able to work past that, still c: And it's really good and cool of you to not care if people make similar, that's a redeemable trait
yeah i don't get it either they didn't even mention it to me, just started bein a dick to my friend. I have it as a unspoken rule that if people harrass even my ex's 'in my name' that i want their usernames so i can block them and remove that toxicity out of my community. Its why I don't use any names when I vent, its just a generic thing. It keeps others from being attacked while still accepting that my feelings over it all is valid.
and like, Its not like i'm entirely original either. Me as a whole ass person is inspired off bits and pieces of artists and people around me! So by that aspect so long as its not straight theft or the like then who really cares, i'm too old to go chasing after inspired designs
and like, Its not like i'm entirely original either. Me as a whole ass person is inspired off bits and pieces of artists and people around me! So by that aspect so long as its not straight theft or the like then who really cares, i'm too old to go chasing after inspired designs
That's awful... I'm so sorry that people try to do that. That's not okay. Harassment is not okay. Keeping vents vague and generic, I agree, helps to accept your feelings are valid while avoiding harassment.
Yeah! Everyone is built off of bits and pieces of other people. You learn even down to your mannerisms and speech from others. Even if you're self-taught, you learned it from seeing it elsewhere.
Yeah! Everyone is built off of bits and pieces of other people. You learn even down to your mannerisms and speech from others. Even if you're self-taught, you learned it from seeing it elsewhere.
I like to believe most people want the same things generally; peace and empathy, honesty and kindness from our peers. Sometimes it feels like too much to ask, other times it feels like the bare minimum, and all too frequently like trying to get blood from a stone. you may not consider yourself good, but i know you are kind and genuine, and those are qualities in short supply. your past "crimes" are not their property; you absolve yourself when you feel genuine remorse and subsequently move on from them.
dullteeth don't feel they can move on, so they stay in stasis where they bite and tear and hurt and ruin, but you are not like them any more - you were strong enough to change. your life is a process of metamorphosis and gaining higher understanding on a daily basis -- its fine to embrace your peers, but don't be cruel to yourself. you must give yourself permission to heal from what you've been through. ♥
dullteeth don't feel they can move on, so they stay in stasis where they bite and tear and hurt and ruin, but you are not like them any more - you were strong enough to change. your life is a process of metamorphosis and gaining higher understanding on a daily basis -- its fine to embrace your peers, but don't be cruel to yourself. you must give yourself permission to heal from what you've been through. ♥
♥♥♥ Thank you for such a kind Message ;_;! ♥♥♥
I'm trying to let go of my crimes to heal from them but damn if it isn't one of the hardest things I've ever done lol
I regret them so deeply and know I cannot ever take that pain I caused back
but I care deeply about those around me, and make sure that I do not return to my dullteeth ways.
I'm trying to let go of my crimes to heal from them but damn if it isn't one of the hardest things I've ever done lol
I regret them so deeply and know I cannot ever take that pain I caused back
but I care deeply about those around me, and make sure that I do not return to my dullteeth ways.
You are so welcome! And! Always remember that you are more than your mistakes, you are more than the pain that you caused; the best way to make amends is simply to continue forward with the knowledge of how you can do better! As long as we try, we are always improving! ᕙ(‾̀◡‾́ )ᕗ♥
I have religious trauma from my fam. Mother was an ex nun from Mexico. So I know how these 'good' people can be so evil. I relate to your pain. I'm sorry you too had go through nasty shit too.
Door is open if you ever want to chat.
🫂
Door is open if you ever want to chat.
🫂
I appreciate it but i'm doin ok!
I just have to use art to understand my brains thoughts, its similar to the Rubber Duck Programming Meme but my 'rubber duck' is my art, its like having a conversation with myself to understand the jumbled mess of ADHD blur into actually full formed thoughts??
I am sorry to hear you've been hurt too, I hope you are healing as well ;-;
I just have to use art to understand my brains thoughts, its similar to the Rubber Duck Programming Meme but my 'rubber duck' is my art, its like having a conversation with myself to understand the jumbled mess of ADHD blur into actually full formed thoughts??
I am sorry to hear you've been hurt too, I hope you are healing as well ;-;
I understood. But still extended a hand. Take care yourself c:
Hi Meep,
I don't know what you faced, did or what happened to you, what happened is your and something personal so on this I can't judge or give any advice. It is not my role to do, I don't even have the right to and it is something that concern only you.
Howewer, on the situation you are describing, I understand your feelings and your pain.
First of all, you can be proud of yourself because you did the choice to change and work on yourself. You realised in what situation you was, what you did and you chose to work on yourself to change. It is already a great step and lot of people are not able to look at themeselve and have the desire to change or improve their situations. So only for this you can be proud of you. c:
Like you say there is indeed people who hurt other because they have been treated like this. As you say again it is a reason. Why people hurt other people after being hurted themself ? By spirit of vengence ? By copying mechanic ? Or to not be the only one to suffer ? I don't know, I don't have the answer and it is not to me to find the reason. The only thing is that everyone have the choice.
There is also people who live only for drama. If there is none they will find any pretext to make one or create drama. These people can't live without dramas.
In this case, the better thing to do is to keep your distance, stay away and to not answer to their "drama call".
Like you say, more you suffer and struggle, happier these people are.
Your time and energy don't worth to be wasted like this. Better to use them to take care of you.
Honestly, I think something that have no price is mind peace.
Just to be able to seat in a chair, in a garden, closing your eyes and just enjoying the sun on your face, without any kinds of thoughts or worries, is something unvaluable.
About villian in story, movies, comics or any things, it is always much more interesting when there is a reason, why he is like this or he act like this. It is way much deeper than "he just evil because we need a villian."
An exemple I have in mind is Darcia from Wolf's Rain, he act how he does not because he is evil but by love and he is conviced what he do will be able to save his wife.
Also what you say about corrupted heros and not need a religion to know what is "it right or wrong", I first think everyone have the choice and the right to belive in something or not. Here again this is something very personal.
Everyone can belive in what they want and live their cult how they want.
If you have to follow rules to worship a god in "the good way" (everyone is free to live its religion how they want), it is nothing more than a dogma.
What you say for hero and villian about corruption is very accurate here :
Let's take an exemple, in a fantasy country, to ask the moon godess protection and good health, the habits of a lil tribe is to adress to her her prays. Let's say this religion is old as this fantasy world itself.
Society evolved, from tribes,villages, towns and city emerged to become kingdom. The cult of the moon godess grow. In order to have the benediction of the moon godess, you have know to go at least once per year to the Moon Sanctuary of the capital. You can also make offers to shrines with goods, foods or money to grant you the benediction of the godess. The cult also set a number of rules of what is it good for you and what is it not. They teinted their speech with a bit of fear by implying that if you don't you will be cursed.
Now let's take to people. One go every year to the festival, do offer to shrines, pray etc... because he fear to be cursed.
The second one, went one time in his entire life to the festival, do not offer goods to shrines; the only thing he do is just telling what he have on his heart to the godess everynight while watching the stars next to his fire.
Who is the more authentic in your opinion ?
All the rules, ceremony, shrines etc... that has been set over time in the honor of the Moon godess, that is dogma. The idea was at first to just pray the Moon Godess, to ask for protection and good health.
It is same with heros and villian. A villian able to question a concept seeing its pros and flaws, is more solid than a hero doing what he is doing without thinking because he has been told to do it.
If he can't question itself, he isn't dogmatic as what he think to fight against ?
Some exemples I have in mind to illustrate what I want to say are :
Nero in Devil May Cry 4.
Yuna in Final Fantasy X.
2B and 9S in NieR Automata.
There is so much more examples. ^_^
Anyway the thing is now you are changing, you make effort to do and have the will.
Whatever you do for yourself, to be better, that, no one can keep it from you. It is your work on yourself, your effort and you owe it to you only. =)
You can be proud of it. ^_^
Now you know that you are aware of things that was hard to notice, you will be able to identify it more easily and will be able to avoid it.
No one is perfect, we are all humans, we all make mistakes, the only things is to have the strenght to admit our weakness and to be able to work on to be a better person.
So Meep, I wish you all the best for you.
Take care of you and be happy in your life, it is maybe not easy but you can do it. =)
I wish you all the best. ^_^
I don't know what you faced, did or what happened to you, what happened is your and something personal so on this I can't judge or give any advice. It is not my role to do, I don't even have the right to and it is something that concern only you.
Howewer, on the situation you are describing, I understand your feelings and your pain.
First of all, you can be proud of yourself because you did the choice to change and work on yourself. You realised in what situation you was, what you did and you chose to work on yourself to change. It is already a great step and lot of people are not able to look at themeselve and have the desire to change or improve their situations. So only for this you can be proud of you. c:
Like you say there is indeed people who hurt other because they have been treated like this. As you say again it is a reason. Why people hurt other people after being hurted themself ? By spirit of vengence ? By copying mechanic ? Or to not be the only one to suffer ? I don't know, I don't have the answer and it is not to me to find the reason. The only thing is that everyone have the choice.
There is also people who live only for drama. If there is none they will find any pretext to make one or create drama. These people can't live without dramas.
In this case, the better thing to do is to keep your distance, stay away and to not answer to their "drama call".
Like you say, more you suffer and struggle, happier these people are.
Your time and energy don't worth to be wasted like this. Better to use them to take care of you.
Honestly, I think something that have no price is mind peace.
Just to be able to seat in a chair, in a garden, closing your eyes and just enjoying the sun on your face, without any kinds of thoughts or worries, is something unvaluable.
About villian in story, movies, comics or any things, it is always much more interesting when there is a reason, why he is like this or he act like this. It is way much deeper than "he just evil because we need a villian."
An exemple I have in mind is Darcia from Wolf's Rain, he act how he does not because he is evil but by love and he is conviced what he do will be able to save his wife.
Also what you say about corrupted heros and not need a religion to know what is "it right or wrong", I first think everyone have the choice and the right to belive in something or not. Here again this is something very personal.
Everyone can belive in what they want and live their cult how they want.
If you have to follow rules to worship a god in "the good way" (everyone is free to live its religion how they want), it is nothing more than a dogma.
What you say for hero and villian about corruption is very accurate here :
Let's take an exemple, in a fantasy country, to ask the moon godess protection and good health, the habits of a lil tribe is to adress to her her prays. Let's say this religion is old as this fantasy world itself.
Society evolved, from tribes,villages, towns and city emerged to become kingdom. The cult of the moon godess grow. In order to have the benediction of the moon godess, you have know to go at least once per year to the Moon Sanctuary of the capital. You can also make offers to shrines with goods, foods or money to grant you the benediction of the godess. The cult also set a number of rules of what is it good for you and what is it not. They teinted their speech with a bit of fear by implying that if you don't you will be cursed.
Now let's take to people. One go every year to the festival, do offer to shrines, pray etc... because he fear to be cursed.
The second one, went one time in his entire life to the festival, do not offer goods to shrines; the only thing he do is just telling what he have on his heart to the godess everynight while watching the stars next to his fire.
Who is the more authentic in your opinion ?
All the rules, ceremony, shrines etc... that has been set over time in the honor of the Moon godess, that is dogma. The idea was at first to just pray the Moon Godess, to ask for protection and good health.
It is same with heros and villian. A villian able to question a concept seeing its pros and flaws, is more solid than a hero doing what he is doing without thinking because he has been told to do it.
If he can't question itself, he isn't dogmatic as what he think to fight against ?
Some exemples I have in mind to illustrate what I want to say are :
Nero in Devil May Cry 4.
Yuna in Final Fantasy X.
2B and 9S in NieR Automata.
There is so much more examples. ^_^
Anyway the thing is now you are changing, you make effort to do and have the will.
Whatever you do for yourself, to be better, that, no one can keep it from you. It is your work on yourself, your effort and you owe it to you only. =)
You can be proud of it. ^_^
Now you know that you are aware of things that was hard to notice, you will be able to identify it more easily and will be able to avoid it.
No one is perfect, we are all humans, we all make mistakes, the only things is to have the strenght to admit our weakness and to be able to work on to be a better person.
So Meep, I wish you all the best for you.
Take care of you and be happy in your life, it is maybe not easy but you can do it. =)
I wish you all the best. ^_^
Dang what a long message thank you for taking the time to write such a post it was a fun read,
Yeah i don't like to air my dirty laundry much but it was just a realization I had while working on a commission and I needed to just sit and 'talk' with myself through the use of art to understand what the 'realization' was fully.
I grew up in a horrifically abusive and neglectful home to the point my father admit that he tried to abuse me enough to get me to end my life, and is MAD that I didn't cave to the desires.
I was never taught how to be a person, only how to stop making my own blood mad enough to hurt me.
I hurt people in the past, I hurt them *bad* because I only knew how to hurt and be a victim. And it haunts me.
But when I lost all my following, my ex, and had a fresh start at life I knew I had to change, To stop being a dullteeth and improve myself not just for me, but for everyone around me.
And I'm happy that i'm a MUCH better person these days, but forgiving myself feels like a impossible task so I rather think of myself of a villain who is kind than a misguided hero who hurts without realizing it.
Yeah i don't like to air my dirty laundry much but it was just a realization I had while working on a commission and I needed to just sit and 'talk' with myself through the use of art to understand what the 'realization' was fully.
I grew up in a horrifically abusive and neglectful home to the point my father admit that he tried to abuse me enough to get me to end my life, and is MAD that I didn't cave to the desires.
I was never taught how to be a person, only how to stop making my own blood mad enough to hurt me.
I hurt people in the past, I hurt them *bad* because I only knew how to hurt and be a victim. And it haunts me.
But when I lost all my following, my ex, and had a fresh start at life I knew I had to change, To stop being a dullteeth and improve myself not just for me, but for everyone around me.
And I'm happy that i'm a MUCH better person these days, but forgiving myself feels like a impossible task so I rather think of myself of a villain who is kind than a misguided hero who hurts without realizing it.
You are welcome. ^_^
I maybe misexplained myself, when I say "it only concern you", I mean I have nothing to say in the manner how you solve your problem or how you express yourself.
English is not my native language and I may not master it perfectly so the words and how I say things may be not the more adequate. >///<
You are of course free to express yourself the way you want, I also like your drawing and art on this one by the way, the expressions are so real and alive it is very impressive. ^_^
What I wanted to say is, I don't have to ask you what happened and why, what you lived is your own story and only you can decide if you want to share it or not and with who you want to. ^_^
If art help you to figure out things and realise what happened for you and express yourself then I can only encourage you to draw and do it if that help you. =)
I am glad that you feel better now and you improved. You can be proud of you. ^_^
Forgiving yourself is not impossible, it is just a long and complex process. You can do it ! ^_^
I maybe misexplained myself, when I say "it only concern you", I mean I have nothing to say in the manner how you solve your problem or how you express yourself.
English is not my native language and I may not master it perfectly so the words and how I say things may be not the more adequate. >///<
You are of course free to express yourself the way you want, I also like your drawing and art on this one by the way, the expressions are so real and alive it is very impressive. ^_^
What I wanted to say is, I don't have to ask you what happened and why, what you lived is your own story and only you can decide if you want to share it or not and with who you want to. ^_^
If art help you to figure out things and realise what happened for you and express yourself then I can only encourage you to draw and do it if that help you. =)
I am glad that you feel better now and you improved. You can be proud of you. ^_^
Forgiving yourself is not impossible, it is just a long and complex process. You can do it ! ^_^
Damn... that is a phrase...
A villain who is kind, than a hero who's corrupt under the mask.
A villain who is kind, than a hero who's corrupt under the mask.
Its certainly a weird phrase but it really resonated with me while working through this thought process <3
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