Shuichi is annoying

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Shuichi's eyes fixed on the latest Funko Pop shipment, his hands trembled with anticipation as he tore open the package. Inside, a set of figures awaited him, With a maniacal grin, he carefully arranged each one of them on his ever-growing collection.

The front door slammed open, Kaede's heavy footsteps echoing through the living room. She heaved herself onto the couch with a weary sigh, her huge figure spilling over the cushions.

"Shuichi, we need to talk," she said, her eyes tired. "You know how much I love you, but... it's been months since we've been intimate. I feel so unloved."

Shuichi glanced up from his Funko Pop arranging, his gaze lingering on Kaede's substantial body before uttering his response. "Look, I'm just not really into fat chicks, okay? I mean, you used to be so hot before you let yourself go."

Kaede's face crumpled, tears streaming down her chubby cheeks. "I-I know I've put on a few pounds, but I thought you loved me for who I am, not just for how I look!"

Shuichi hissed. "Don't be so fucking dramatic. I'm just stating facts. You really need to start watching how much you eat."

Kaede sobbed quietly, her whole body shaking. Shuichi turned away, intimately focused on his plastic figures.

Many hours later...

a sharp knock sounded at the front door. Kaede rushed to answer it, opening it to reveal Maki.

"Hey girl, I was just dropping by to check on you," Maki said, her voice warm with concern. "I've been reading your posts about how Shuichi has been really awful to you lately..."

Kaede burst into tears again, burying her face in Maki's toned shoulder. "Oh Maki, he's been such an asshole... saying I'm fat and he only cares about his stupid toys..."

Maki's dark eyes flashed with anger. "What an absolute prick. You don't deserve that, Kaede."

She turned to Shuichi who had sauntered over, an arrogant smirk on his scrawny face. Maki yelled at Shuichi. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? Your wife deserves SO much better than a pathetic sack of shit like you."

She turned back to Kaede, who was crying silently into her shoulder. Kaede sniffled, gazing at Maki through tearful eyes. "Maki... do you think I'm sexy? Even after I gained weight?"

Maki cupped Kaede's doughy cheeks, her voice low and sultry. "Fuck yes I do. I'd kill anyone who tried to tell you otherwise. You're perfection... Fuck... I want to make love to you so bad..."

Kaede's tears dried, replaced by desire. "Maki... make love to me... Use me however you want..."

Shuichi sputtered. "What, are you two bitches serious? Kaede, you can't just leave me for this dyke!"

"Shut your fucking mouth or lose some teeth, you little pissant!" Maki roared.

Glancing between his crying wife and the muscular Maki, Shuichi gulped. Kaede turned to Shuichi. "We're getting a divorce. I want half of everything AND to your Funko Pop collection, so I can sell it all." Shuichi jolted. "My Funko collection?! But it's priceless!" Kaede snatched a Zelda funko off the shelf and HURLED it at Shuichi's head.

He shrieked and scurried out of the way just in time, the figure smashing against the wall. Kaede and Maki burst into laughter. Shuichi's pitiful whines echoing in the background.

Fifteen years later...

Maki lounged on the couch beside Kaede. The living room was now crowded with scratching posts, they are cat moms.

Kaede smiled at Maki, her eyes still bright after all these years. "Wow... Maki... I still thank you for saving me from that tiny-dicked loser. You make me so happy baby."

Maki kissed Kaede's hand, her eyes soft. "I love you so fucking much."

Kaede giggled, her whole body jiggling. "I love you too, Now fuck me like you used to when we were younger!"

Maki growled, yanking Kaede onto her lap. "Oh, I'll fuck you till you can't walk, Hope you're ready~"