As originally uploaded here.
Since this is my personal account, I think I'll get more personal with the information here.
I don't like the idea of showing a "fursona" to you for several reasons. Part of that may have been the cringing that came with using the word "fursona". The biggest roadblock between me and this character is something much more deep-seeded than a slight of pride:
From my high school to my freshman college year, I had wanted to broadcast how different I felt I was using my appearance. I desired to be seen as interesting and curious, and "achieved" this by poorly styling my hair with coloured gels and mix-matching coloured contacts. This also came during a time when I overcompensated my lack of inner-peace by being a bit too zealous with my spiritual beliefs. (I call it my Sonic-the-Youth-Group-Hedgehog-Phase.) After realizing how immature that chapter was, I became disgusted with the idea of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I burned all of my Christian tee-shirts, grew to hate most Christian music, and promised myself that ideas important to me would never be lost in my desire to share my interests with others.
I eventually prided myself in not dressing like an artist, not acting like a naïve Midwest WASP. Eventually, I found outfits that, although plain, transcended trend (and consequently, time). It made me feel more confident and inspired me to focus on my attitude, rather than being distracted by the image I'm exuding.
All of this seems counter-intuitive to having a character represent yourself, doesn't it? In a way, portraying this character is saying, despite all of my experiences, that I want to wear my heart on my sleeve all over again, that I want an easily digestible avatar of my experiences to share with everyone. I love making new friends and sharing my life's experiences with others if I believe it will help them, but I'm worried that this character could show too much of me too quickly.
Aww, I'm just being a big baby. Enjoy the damn crow. ǂ
Since this is my personal account, I think I'll get more personal with the information here.
I don't like the idea of showing a "fursona" to you for several reasons. Part of that may have been the cringing that came with using the word "fursona". The biggest roadblock between me and this character is something much more deep-seeded than a slight of pride:
From my high school to my freshman college year, I had wanted to broadcast how different I felt I was using my appearance. I desired to be seen as interesting and curious, and "achieved" this by poorly styling my hair with coloured gels and mix-matching coloured contacts. This also came during a time when I overcompensated my lack of inner-peace by being a bit too zealous with my spiritual beliefs. (I call it my Sonic-the-Youth-Group-Hedgehog-Phase.) After realizing how immature that chapter was, I became disgusted with the idea of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I burned all of my Christian tee-shirts, grew to hate most Christian music, and promised myself that ideas important to me would never be lost in my desire to share my interests with others.
I eventually prided myself in not dressing like an artist, not acting like a naïve Midwest WASP. Eventually, I found outfits that, although plain, transcended trend (and consequently, time). It made me feel more confident and inspired me to focus on my attitude, rather than being distracted by the image I'm exuding.
All of this seems counter-intuitive to having a character represent yourself, doesn't it? In a way, portraying this character is saying, despite all of my experiences, that I want to wear my heart on my sleeve all over again, that I want an easily digestible avatar of my experiences to share with everyone. I love making new friends and sharing my life's experiences with others if I believe it will help them, but I'm worried that this character could show too much of me too quickly.
Aww, I'm just being a big baby. Enjoy the damn crow. ǂ
Category Artwork (Digital) / General Furry Art
Species Crow
Gender Male
Size 1200 x 1000px
Double dagger cross, huh? Religious perfection is hard to achieve, man. The bible stays the same, but the meaning behind to word always seems to be changing. I've felt that sting before. When you find you were pursuing your religious beliefs in the wrong way.
People grow, and their beliefs change. Still, it's cool of you to have worn your beliefs proudly on your sleeves. That's better than what a good number of people can say about their youths, including myself. Which ever way you slice it... It certainly is a difficult process trying to become comfortable with yourself.
(By the way, I always love your art. Have a good day, Stigmata!)
People grow, and their beliefs change. Still, it's cool of you to have worn your beliefs proudly on your sleeves. That's better than what a good number of people can say about their youths, including myself. Which ever way you slice it... It certainly is a difficult process trying to become comfortable with yourself.
(By the way, I always love your art. Have a good day, Stigmata!)
Sorry if I misrepresented myself. Religious perfection was never my aim. I was instead disappointed in my immaturity, which had nothing to do with my beliefs and everything to do with being a teenager. I still can't say I'm justified in wearing my heart on my sleeves, or am I particularly proud of my previous life, but I appreciate your empathy and compliments all the same. Thank you!
You're welcome, Stigmata. :> I wish I interpreted you correctly, but I guess you got me thinking about my own experiences! Even though the way you acted didn't bring you the kind of attention you wanted, changing up your attitude and appearance took some guts.... As a matter of fact, I still think that was pretty cool of you to wear your heart on your sleeve like you did. You might've looked a little funny, but still. Took guts. :V
Awesome how much effort you put into crafting an "avatar of your own experiences" instead of simply a "fursona". Developing your experiences into a physical character/avatar is fun to think about. Many ways to implement that concept.
Awesome how much effort you put into crafting an "avatar of your own experiences" instead of simply a "fursona". Developing your experiences into a physical character/avatar is fun to think about. Many ways to implement that concept.
If I do a fusion dance with Kevin23, what colour will our hair be?
I understand what you mean about the word and feeling of 'fursona.' -shudder- Just never had one, really. I tried but it never really stuck. Hell, my original pen name is long gone and forgotten. It's still fun to have a -favorite- character to draw and let reflect some of me once in awhile. The rabbit sort of does that but I don't identify with rabbits, either. Still, great crow. Love the big hands!
That's a very interesting way of looking at a fursona, and a reason perhaps not to have one. Nevertheless, your style looks excellent with this fellow, and I'm already charmed by him, dangit. x3
Interesting to see what a little background can reveal. (And also that you have this totally separate account I knew nothing about.)
In my time at Adventist school, I tended to wear a lot of skater-type wear (as well as lots of things by Fox Riders--I enjoyed the multiple entendre, HURR HURR), and plenty of black. Part of why I wore them was to create a sort of peculiar existential paradox (I don't skateboard or ride motorcycles) that made it clear that I didn't really fit the Adventist world. (My not being at a paint-by-number Adventist Academy table in the cafeteria also did that efficaciously, but that preceded my fashion adventures.)
However, I also wore them because I liked them. Fox has good design work, and I like interesting clothing. Regular jeans and khakis bore the hell out of me because they have nothing happening for most of the leg. At least slap some cargo pockets on those suckers, please! As for the black, it's a color (or non-color?) I like to wear. It's calming, soothing, and somehow feels right, and I can't explain why for the life of me.
Much of that old stuff has deteriorated or shrunk to the point of non-utility, and so a significant portion of it has left my wardrobe. There are other things that have entered since, but my bitter anti-plaid-wearing sentiments continue to make it hard to shop for myself. I'll have to do more of it soon.
In my time at Adventist school, I tended to wear a lot of skater-type wear (as well as lots of things by Fox Riders--I enjoyed the multiple entendre, HURR HURR), and plenty of black. Part of why I wore them was to create a sort of peculiar existential paradox (I don't skateboard or ride motorcycles) that made it clear that I didn't really fit the Adventist world. (My not being at a paint-by-number Adventist Academy table in the cafeteria also did that efficaciously, but that preceded my fashion adventures.)
However, I also wore them because I liked them. Fox has good design work, and I like interesting clothing. Regular jeans and khakis bore the hell out of me because they have nothing happening for most of the leg. At least slap some cargo pockets on those suckers, please! As for the black, it's a color (or non-color?) I like to wear. It's calming, soothing, and somehow feels right, and I can't explain why for the life of me.
Much of that old stuff has deteriorated or shrunk to the point of non-utility, and so a significant portion of it has left my wardrobe. There are other things that have entered since, but my bitter anti-plaid-wearing sentiments continue to make it hard to shop for myself. I'll have to do more of it soon.
Sadly, you've mostly only seen me at cons...where I tend to wear all the nerd garb I have lying in my wardrobe, unseen by the public for the rest of the non-convention year. I probably strike you as even less fashionable than I am, as such. Ah well! :D
You sound like a wonderful, well developed and still developing person, and I'm glad you shared this.
I am really careful about what I share about Malkyru/Huun and how/why they developed, so I understand, but it's super awesome to be able to find other people that use their characters, animus/anima/represntational form/persona/fursona or what have you as a tool for personal growth that can interact within a family of other inspiring people that do the same!
I am really careful about what I share about Malkyru/Huun and how/why they developed, so I understand, but it's super awesome to be able to find other people that use their characters, animus/anima/represntational form/persona/fursona or what have you as a tool for personal growth that can interact within a family of other inspiring people that do the same!
Big hand+lanky legs birds are my favourite configuration! I always admire the drama & courage of designing a character pure flat black, and I think you've pulled it off very nicely.
Generally I've shied away from a singular or literal self-representation, since I feel like there's a certain dishonesty in presenting oneself via a singular visual brand in a space of ideas. When I brand myself I deny myself the vitality of contradiction & agnosticism - "I am large, I contain multitudes" and so on. I think a lot of people might feel the same way, with stables or suites of avatars (I'd almost always pick 'avatar' over 'fursona', which doesn't seem to do much except exclude non zoomorphic-humanoid avatars) representing, even aside from casts of characters, facets of a vibrant self that can comfort, berate and surprise itself.
As a former bishop's chorister of six years, I've been inculcated with a deep aesthetic loathing for contemporary religious music. Go Jerusalem or go home. Is there a pretty specific significance in the Lorraine cross?
Generally I've shied away from a singular or literal self-representation, since I feel like there's a certain dishonesty in presenting oneself via a singular visual brand in a space of ideas. When I brand myself I deny myself the vitality of contradiction & agnosticism - "I am large, I contain multitudes" and so on. I think a lot of people might feel the same way, with stables or suites of avatars (I'd almost always pick 'avatar' over 'fursona', which doesn't seem to do much except exclude non zoomorphic-humanoid avatars) representing, even aside from casts of characters, facets of a vibrant self that can comfort, berate and surprise itself.
As a former bishop's chorister of six years, I've been inculcated with a deep aesthetic loathing for contemporary religious music. Go Jerusalem or go home. Is there a pretty specific significance in the Lorraine cross?
Well said! I knew you'd relate to my description. I've tried to be proactive about viewing individuals as avatars of their experiences.
I only knew of the double cross as a punctuation mark (first seen in Icelandic) and have been attracted to it for a few years now. Never knew of the Cross of Lorraine! When it comes to the idea of praising God through music, 99% of the time it seems to be sentimental and incongruous with my understanding of worship. But that's a WHOLE oth discussion!
I only knew of the double cross as a punctuation mark (first seen in Icelandic) and have been attracted to it for a few years now. Never knew of the Cross of Lorraine! When it comes to the idea of praising God through music, 99% of the time it seems to be sentimental and incongruous with my understanding of worship. But that's a WHOLE oth discussion!
ONE OF US.
But seriously. Stellar character design. I feel that even this reference sheet is somewhat.. Obscure. In a good way. I don't think you're showing too much of yourself at all, really.
But seriously. Stellar character design. I feel that even this reference sheet is somewhat.. Obscure. In a good way. I don't think you're showing too much of yourself at all, really.
The character I use to represent myself is actually made to look like the dog that nearly took my hand off. I'm not for perfect characters, I love the flawed, somewhat sleezy, dishonest ones- they're far more realistic than anything perfect will ever be. Plus, looking at pictures of akitas slowly familiarizes me with them, and slowly beats the phobia i've developed out of nowhere.
I think the design here you have is very interesting, and design-wise, it's awesome. You don't have to pin the character down to exacts, it can always be something just to have fun with.
I think the design here you have is very interesting, and design-wise, it's awesome. You don't have to pin the character down to exacts, it can always be something just to have fun with.
Very true! Being an artist makes it hard, though, even if it's just for fun. I'm so picky!
I reallly like this guy jeeze
Also the indepth way you look at characters both intrigues me and makes me nervous not gonna lie
Also the indepth way you look at characters both intrigues me and makes me nervous not gonna lie
Hahahah, makes you nervous? Like I'm going to read you or something?
Ah, now I can draw this guy finger painting on a tablet, too.
Maybe I'm just lazy, or ... I don't know. I don't really tend to get much from characters, myself, unless I actually interact with them or the person behind them. Appearances may bias me, but in the end I don't know about someone unless I've interacted with them. Otherwise it's just "Ooh, that's pretty looking."
Speaking of which, lovely character/avatar/...persona you've got there. But then, I think I say that about anything you post here.
My avatar guy is really boring. My reference sheet would be a photo of me with the words "But a hyena" written on it. :U
I find the evolution of your attitude and how that resulted in this to be fascinating, though I sometimes think that's just because I'm a creeper about these sorts of things... I like listening to these sorts of things, but don't usually have much to say in reply.
Maybe I'm just lazy, or ... I don't know. I don't really tend to get much from characters, myself, unless I actually interact with them or the person behind them. Appearances may bias me, but in the end I don't know about someone unless I've interacted with them. Otherwise it's just "Ooh, that's pretty looking."
Speaking of which, lovely character/avatar/...persona you've got there. But then, I think I say that about anything you post here.
My avatar guy is really boring. My reference sheet would be a photo of me with the words "But a hyena" written on it. :U
I find the evolution of your attitude and how that resulted in this to be fascinating, though I sometimes think that's just because I'm a creeper about these sorts of things... I like listening to these sorts of things, but don't usually have much to say in reply.
I definitely empathize! I know there is no way at all I could assume how awesome analon is from his character, even though it is quite good.
And I, too, suffer from the same stalkerish need to understand and appreciate people on an intrinsic level.
Thank you for the compliment! I was showing my wife that little painting you did for me earlier this week. Still love it to bits. <3
And I, too, suffer from the same stalkerish need to understand and appreciate people on an intrinsic level.
Thank you for the compliment! I was showing my wife that little painting you did for me earlier this week. Still love it to bits. <3
I like 'im. Probably helps I like the man behind the design too haha
I wonder how you'd view the character if you never met me. Think it'd be mostly the same?
I'm sure I'd still find the design cute, but I wouldn't have any deeper thoughts or feelings attached to it.
I'm going to have a really hard time changing my mental image of you into a crow from a kickboxing Kangaroo :P
You know, I think the church is like the sun. Pretty to look at, nice to bask in its warmth every once in a while, but you get too close and get burnt. For me growing up, when my parents split, I think my mother went through a mid-life crisis which put us at church functions 5 nights a week in addition to the normal Sunday services. I really started to see some scary things. Like the youth group thing my little brother was in was called "Stockade." That's an army jail. I came to the gradual realization that the people I'd previously held in such high regard and had considered the ultimate authority on all things Jesus were simply people. After that realization, it was a slippery slope to come to the realization that many of them used their religion as a crutch or coping mechanism - a way to say "Sure, things are bad right now, but I'm going to Heaven!"
Its alright that I'm unhappy with my wife, work a terrible job, am 40 thousand deep in credit card debt, and owe twice on my house what it's worth. I can live on the knowledge that Jesus loves me and that a better place is waiting for me because I've lived a holy life. Also, my male single neighbor is really attractive.
I didn't remember the Bible saying anything that we must hate our lives or accept our place in this world in order to be a holy person. I think I prefer at this point to believe that a higher power may be out there, and if that power is out there and watching over us, he'd certainly be more entertained by someone who has taken control of their own life and is having a blast with it. Hell, I think he'd find the whole furry thing worth eons of enjoyment by itself.
You know, I think the church is like the sun. Pretty to look at, nice to bask in its warmth every once in a while, but you get too close and get burnt. For me growing up, when my parents split, I think my mother went through a mid-life crisis which put us at church functions 5 nights a week in addition to the normal Sunday services. I really started to see some scary things. Like the youth group thing my little brother was in was called "Stockade." That's an army jail. I came to the gradual realization that the people I'd previously held in such high regard and had considered the ultimate authority on all things Jesus were simply people. After that realization, it was a slippery slope to come to the realization that many of them used their religion as a crutch or coping mechanism - a way to say "Sure, things are bad right now, but I'm going to Heaven!"
Its alright that I'm unhappy with my wife, work a terrible job, am 40 thousand deep in credit card debt, and owe twice on my house what it's worth. I can live on the knowledge that Jesus loves me and that a better place is waiting for me because I've lived a holy life. Also, my male single neighbor is really attractive.
I didn't remember the Bible saying anything that we must hate our lives or accept our place in this world in order to be a holy person. I think I prefer at this point to believe that a higher power may be out there, and if that power is out there and watching over us, he'd certainly be more entertained by someone who has taken control of their own life and is having a blast with it. Hell, I think he'd find the whole furry thing worth eons of enjoyment by itself.
One day your mental image of me will be a scrawny white guy with big eyes and a bigger forehead!
On church: I've come to prioritize the Biblical context of Church: "The Church" is a body of Christians, and not a service in a Sunday school. Doing anything at all with somebody else because you love God must count as Church in my book. That's helped me deal with a lot of disappointments, mainly after Church tried to win me over by being "cool" and "relevant".
Still, the whole Pascal's Wager thing is null and void if what this man with a subpar life is experiencing really is genuine happiness. But I agree, living your life for the reward you may get at the end is so wrong. I don't know what my after-life looks like, and I don't care. I'm trying to not make it my motivation.
In regards to the final point, I can say that my life after pursuing God/truth (which I can't really separate) has become more difficult, exciting, and fulfilling. I feel so disappointed when I see people (including Christians) become disappointed by the idea of following the teachings of Christ. My life is much bigger than I am, so while I can't say I'm taking control of it, I can say I'm enjoying the struggle. ;)
On church: I've come to prioritize the Biblical context of Church: "The Church" is a body of Christians, and not a service in a Sunday school. Doing anything at all with somebody else because you love God must count as Church in my book. That's helped me deal with a lot of disappointments, mainly after Church tried to win me over by being "cool" and "relevant".
Still, the whole Pascal's Wager thing is null and void if what this man with a subpar life is experiencing really is genuine happiness. But I agree, living your life for the reward you may get at the end is so wrong. I don't know what my after-life looks like, and I don't care. I'm trying to not make it my motivation.
In regards to the final point, I can say that my life after pursuing God/truth (which I can't really separate) has become more difficult, exciting, and fulfilling. I feel so disappointed when I see people (including Christians) become disappointed by the idea of following the teachings of Christ. My life is much bigger than I am, so while I can't say I'm taking control of it, I can say I'm enjoying the struggle. ;)
Hey, wanted to say that I am really liking the design, loving the proportions of the character. And I know what you mean about feeling counterintuitive. In real life I'm a bit plain in dress and guarded in my responses until I have gotten to know a person. And yet I have a persona that is my id let loose and having fun, baring it to the world so to speak. Sometimes I'm embarrassed easily by this, because through my fursona I have shown sides of me I have locked away because of potential vulnerability. Times I've been so ashamed that I actually considered making a new name, a new character. Its like, oh man I have just flung my dirty laundry out there. But in the end I realize that this character I created is my shadow and shows me who I am. I can't separate the two, my shadow and me. But I can learn to accept and love who I am and not be afraid to have others see me for me. So I feel you on showing to much to soon, but in a way it feels good to get it out there.
Thanks for your comment! I don't think my pride would allow me to create another account, ever since my freshman year was over I promised myself I'd never upload anything I would have to hide from anybody. I started making the following my credo: "May my words be as sweet as honey, in case I have to eat them."
Glad you appreciate the learning that comes from putting this out there!
Glad you appreciate the learning that comes from putting this out there!
You mention 'fursona' in the description, but you use persona in the title, which I assume to mean that you'll use when you officially refer to him. I'm glad then if you use persona, because after all, the entity in which you represent an aspect of yourself is a person, because the concept of personhood goes beyond being human.
Also what's fascinating to observe is the new concept of persona that has arisen with the Internet, and related to what I am beginning to believe and perceive as a new spirituality of the modern age (Maybe the beginnings of the new mythology Joseph Campbell had been speculating!)
The original idea of a Persona being a mask or character(s) in a literary work was applied by Jung to the psyche as a mask or character that we ourselves assume in social situations and the like as a public personality. Which as you as you at least imply, is the sort of persona that you created for yourself as a teenager.
However the new persona that has subsequently flourished with the Internet is of a different sort. Rather than it being per se a public personality that you assume, the new persona is a representation of the inner self projected through a kind of filter, in which dearly held feelings and ideas can be reflected and expressed, and in a special way that the creator can explore themselves through, but also allow others to join in that process of reflection.
In that sense the persona becomes a synthesis of the private and public in way that unattainable through depicting yourself as you are in the picture (very private, and therefore revealing and kind of scary in that way and potentially difficult for others to really find their place in the picture) or drawing something you are unmatched to (public in a way that the expression becomes lost.
Of course this is the idea of the new persona at it's best, and truly the idea isn't new (if anything this is one of the most ancient forms of identification, this is more of a modern transformation of a human constant) and frequently used in a way that it does not live up to this potential of the 'new' persona.
If I can give you one piece of advice though, leave this entity free to become what your intuitions will make of, and open to change, because the more you define it the more you trap it and stifle it's potential to represent your thoughts. As the further away from your intuitions the character remains, that gap is where meaning will slide through and be lost.
Also what's fascinating to observe is the new concept of persona that has arisen with the Internet, and related to what I am beginning to believe and perceive as a new spirituality of the modern age (Maybe the beginnings of the new mythology Joseph Campbell had been speculating!)
The original idea of a Persona being a mask or character(s) in a literary work was applied by Jung to the psyche as a mask or character that we ourselves assume in social situations and the like as a public personality. Which as you as you at least imply, is the sort of persona that you created for yourself as a teenager.
However the new persona that has subsequently flourished with the Internet is of a different sort. Rather than it being per se a public personality that you assume, the new persona is a representation of the inner self projected through a kind of filter, in which dearly held feelings and ideas can be reflected and expressed, and in a special way that the creator can explore themselves through, but also allow others to join in that process of reflection.
In that sense the persona becomes a synthesis of the private and public in way that unattainable through depicting yourself as you are in the picture (very private, and therefore revealing and kind of scary in that way and potentially difficult for others to really find their place in the picture) or drawing something you are unmatched to (public in a way that the expression becomes lost.
Of course this is the idea of the new persona at it's best, and truly the idea isn't new (if anything this is one of the most ancient forms of identification, this is more of a modern transformation of a human constant) and frequently used in a way that it does not live up to this potential of the 'new' persona.
If I can give you one piece of advice though, leave this entity free to become what your intuitions will make of, and open to change, because the more you define it the more you trap it and stifle it's potential to represent your thoughts. As the further away from your intuitions the character remains, that gap is where meaning will slide through and be lost.
A fair amount of insight! I will heed that warning most earnestly. Thank you for your generosity of time and thought!
YEAH CORVIDS
we can be corvid bros. also I can totally relate to a lot of that whole self discovery thing. going from being really along-the-grain to wanting to break out of it and doing lots of silly things, then realizing all of that is silly and the most important thing is being yourself and finding the truth in the world blah blah. yes absolutely
and all of what you said is why I also really didn't want an avatar to represent myself at first. usually what I've done in the past is just draw my literal self as it was + my favorite outfit at the time, cause all that only changed every so often. then I found I was always changing too fast both outwardly and inwardly to feel comfortable doing that anymore. I'd always created characters that I felt were close to me (like the ghost thing, and the alien thing, and zusko; in the past I also had a dragon character, but that's another story), but none of them I ever wanted to fully represent me, I guess. just didn't feel right trying to encapsulate my entire being, especially as it is a constantly changing one, in a single representation haha.
after a lot of trial and error I found that the best solution was to divide myself into the most common modes of behaving/enjoying/thinking/talking/existing in accordance to, as seyorrol said, the different ways I project myself (also I agree with everything he said in general, that dude knows his shit). or more accurately I guess, the different ways I think are appropriate to project towards certain people, and this deals with my different interests and impulses and stuff. right now I have three subdivisions (characters) in accordance with this: a lizard for most of the shameful, stupid, and just plain bad things I do; a corvid/auk that's become my main dude, chill and all about good vibes and is the one I draw interacting with my partner; and a snake I recently re-imagined for when I'm being very silly and want to kiss dudes and stuff like that.
I hope this was not too much, I just really like the concept of fu/personas and I was happy at how much I could relate to your story. I wish furry theory or whatever existed so I could study it. also thank you for the new word--definitely gonna use "alethiologist" from now on !
we can be corvid bros. also I can totally relate to a lot of that whole self discovery thing. going from being really along-the-grain to wanting to break out of it and doing lots of silly things, then realizing all of that is silly and the most important thing is being yourself and finding the truth in the world blah blah. yes absolutely
and all of what you said is why I also really didn't want an avatar to represent myself at first. usually what I've done in the past is just draw my literal self as it was + my favorite outfit at the time, cause all that only changed every so often. then I found I was always changing too fast both outwardly and inwardly to feel comfortable doing that anymore. I'd always created characters that I felt were close to me (like the ghost thing, and the alien thing, and zusko; in the past I also had a dragon character, but that's another story), but none of them I ever wanted to fully represent me, I guess. just didn't feel right trying to encapsulate my entire being, especially as it is a constantly changing one, in a single representation haha.
after a lot of trial and error I found that the best solution was to divide myself into the most common modes of behaving/enjoying/thinking/talking/existing in accordance to, as seyorrol said, the different ways I project myself (also I agree with everything he said in general, that dude knows his shit). or more accurately I guess, the different ways I think are appropriate to project towards certain people, and this deals with my different interests and impulses and stuff. right now I have three subdivisions (characters) in accordance with this: a lizard for most of the shameful, stupid, and just plain bad things I do; a corvid/auk that's become my main dude, chill and all about good vibes and is the one I draw interacting with my partner; and a snake I recently re-imagined for when I'm being very silly and want to kiss dudes and stuff like that.
I hope this was not too much, I just really like the concept of fu/personas and I was happy at how much I could relate to your story. I wish furry theory or whatever existed so I could study it. also thank you for the new word--definitely gonna use "alethiologist" from now on !
I really love the brush work here. Very, very nice. The character is awesome, too. :)
Ah, just discovered this little precious treasure. Faved!
And just read the discussion. Ah, how many truths in there...
And just read the discussion. Ah, how many truths in there...
I've been thinking of this piece a lot lately. Mostly about the idea of broadcasting visual representations of ourselves out unto the world. See, where I work we all wear hard hats, right? And it's sort of important for every person to decorate their hard hat to yell out their personality, at a glance you can see if a man is union or not, if he likes the Green Bay Packers, if he donated to the local charity, favorite colors, and just so much more. Complete stories of lives just stickered onto these hats which are worn for most of our waking lives. These guys can pull off the hat and say, "See this scuff mark in the plastic? That's where in 1998 this hat saved my life." These hats carry really heavy stories and life changes visually shown through drawings, paintings, and stickers.
So I've been looking at my own hat and seeing how it represents me. And thinking about maybe not wearing it anymore and starting with a new one for a clean slate. Of not shouting at the world all my insides. It's oddly similar to art school in that it's sort of important to be different and stand out, heck there's a guy who drives a fork truck wearing one that is shaped like a cowboy hat. Swap there artfully distressed jeans and painstakingly paint spattered converse with stickers and sharpie marker drawings and you've basically got the same medium of screaming, "THIS IS ME! I AM DIFFERENT."
So I've been looking at my own hat and seeing how it represents me. And thinking about maybe not wearing it anymore and starting with a new one for a clean slate. Of not shouting at the world all my insides. It's oddly similar to art school in that it's sort of important to be different and stand out, heck there's a guy who drives a fork truck wearing one that is shaped like a cowboy hat. Swap there artfully distressed jeans and painstakingly paint spattered converse with stickers and sharpie marker drawings and you've basically got the same medium of screaming, "THIS IS ME! I AM DIFFERENT."
Wow! An incredible story, and not unlike a jarhead engraving something into his metal helmet in a foxhole, I imagine.
Seeing as this comment was a month ago, have your feelings developed?
Seeing as this comment was a month ago, have your feelings developed?
I've decided to keep wearing my hard hat. I thought about it, and while the designs on it can be seen by everyone they are only there for me (mostly). It's also important in a way to be instantly recognizable. If I go down in some molten aluminum explosion and my face melts hopefully my easily identified hard hat will allow medical rescuers to know it's me. Some of our guys wear medical alert stickers on their hard hats (inside) for allergies to things like penicillin, diabetes, etc. So sometimes the identifying markers serve more of a purpose than just screaming "I am so different!" Like name and department, asking around those too are for identifying purposes in case of emergency it's faster to contact my family through my department's supervisor.
But mostly I realized I enjoy the time spent drawing on my hard hard, I enjoy the moments of collecting another sticker and carefully deciding where to fit it into the design, t makes me happy to see it. There's some superstitions carved in too, an ace of spades playing card glued tot he inside for protection against death. There's a lot of emotions and time stamps marked on my hard hats. And while it may be awkward for the world to see it openly they don't know exactly what they're looking at either. Does that make sense? You're safe in the obscure images and snippets of words on them as nobody else knows the significance.
And we have to wear special clothes to work every day. So when everyone wears the same shirt and pants and boots it's sort of nice to have a hard hat that's just yours and nobody else's. Because everyday that's you, you put on you and go do your job, and hopefully come back unscathed.
I'm still thinking about this though, and I'm sorry for my words not being very clear and sort of choppy-rough. I'm having a little bit of trouble putting then feelings into words
But mostly I realized I enjoy the time spent drawing on my hard hard, I enjoy the moments of collecting another sticker and carefully deciding where to fit it into the design, t makes me happy to see it. There's some superstitions carved in too, an ace of spades playing card glued tot he inside for protection against death. There's a lot of emotions and time stamps marked on my hard hats. And while it may be awkward for the world to see it openly they don't know exactly what they're looking at either. Does that make sense? You're safe in the obscure images and snippets of words on them as nobody else knows the significance.
And we have to wear special clothes to work every day. So when everyone wears the same shirt and pants and boots it's sort of nice to have a hard hat that's just yours and nobody else's. Because everyday that's you, you put on you and go do your job, and hopefully come back unscathed.
I'm still thinking about this though, and I'm sorry for my words not being very clear and sort of choppy-rough. I'm having a little bit of trouble putting then feelings into words
Your high-school experience resembled mine. I understand (honestly, for a good 56%) what you mean.
Oh man, I love this character a lot. I feel like I want to draw him, but with the way you feel about your character, I'm not sure it would be flattering so much as weird since I don't know you and wouldn't be able to put much personality into it without seeming presumptuous!
I get where you're coming from on that front, though. I've had the same character for most of my furry career [and also hate the word "fursona"]. I change my character [aesthetically] when I go through larger life changes, but I don't really talk about it or tell anyone why. :P So I guess I don't really want to give away too much either. Most of the use I get out of my character is simply as a representation of myself online [avatar, as you put it]. Someone that acquaintances can picture as "me" [with the addition of a cat face] since it's not likely I'll meet most of the people here IRL. It's more of a mask or a filter than anything, though.
I get where you're coming from on that front, though. I've had the same character for most of my furry career [and also hate the word "fursona"]. I change my character [aesthetically] when I go through larger life changes, but I don't really talk about it or tell anyone why. :P So I guess I don't really want to give away too much either. Most of the use I get out of my character is simply as a representation of myself online [avatar, as you put it]. Someone that acquaintances can picture as "me" [with the addition of a cat face] since it's not likely I'll meet most of the people here IRL. It's more of a mask or a filter than anything, though.
Thank you for sharing your love for Stigmata! I've gotten a modest collection of giftart from others, so if you were so inclined, I'd hope his meaning to me doesn't scare you off. <3
Have you met online friends in person/at a con before? It suddenly demands many new questions of yourself and your character!
Have you met online friends in person/at a con before? It suddenly demands many new questions of yourself and your character!
I'll keep that in mind! :)
I have met online friends in person four times, but I've never been to a con. I don't really live in a place where there's a large furry population, so most of my closest internet friends live quite far away and the closest con to me is a 10 hour drive [but a pretty cheap flight, I suppose].
There are small local furry meets every so often but my anxiety gets pretty high in new situations so I'm not sure if I'll ever make it to one!
I have met online friends in person four times, but I've never been to a con. I don't really live in a place where there's a large furry population, so most of my closest internet friends live quite far away and the closest con to me is a 10 hour drive [but a pretty cheap flight, I suppose].
There are small local furry meets every so often but my anxiety gets pretty high in new situations so I'm not sure if I'll ever make it to one!
I love the "insatiable apettite for exploring the world" part. So do i! But I'm a bit lazy.
Was looking for a ref in case I had the time to whip up some fanart for you one day, and aaah I found it!
Thank you for posting this, and talking a bit about how Stigmata came to be and what he means to you. In my everyday life I seek the truth--I've never known if there was a word for that, and even Googling Aletheiology, there seems to be no central website or definition. But if a quest for knowledge is what it means, I adhere to that idea too and may start using the word myself.
Thank you for posting this, and talking a bit about how Stigmata came to be and what he means to you. In my everyday life I seek the truth--I've never known if there was a word for that, and even Googling Aletheiology, there seems to be no central website or definition. But if a quest for knowledge is what it means, I adhere to that idea too and may start using the word myself.
Reading your description makes me like you more.
I understand that difficult time of finding inner peace and your identity inside and outside. I even kind of understand the growing to hate Christian things, too, because I was raised in a militant Mormon family who basically duct-tape their things all over the walls (restrooms included, haha). And also insisted I should decorate my room with at least one Mormon thing while I lived there. They also hate and bully everything that goes against their Mormon believes in the least.
Anyway what I'm saying is, I'm still on my spiritual journey to find inner peace and myself. Sometimes I wish I had a visual character that would represent myself well. Because drawing myself as a cartoony human feels like a space filler till I have something I feel comfy with.
Speaking of spiritual things: If I'm lucky, I get to meet a Mongolian shaman this autumn and have time to talk about a lot of things. Maybe he can even cure me of things because everybody else (and everything I tried myself) could not.
Yay, big babies unite! :D *high five*
I understand that difficult time of finding inner peace and your identity inside and outside. I even kind of understand the growing to hate Christian things, too, because I was raised in a militant Mormon family who basically duct-tape their things all over the walls (restrooms included, haha). And also insisted I should decorate my room with at least one Mormon thing while I lived there. They also hate and bully everything that goes against their Mormon believes in the least.
Anyway what I'm saying is, I'm still on my spiritual journey to find inner peace and myself. Sometimes I wish I had a visual character that would represent myself well. Because drawing myself as a cartoony human feels like a space filler till I have something I feel comfy with.
Speaking of spiritual things: If I'm lucky, I get to meet a Mongolian shaman this autumn and have time to talk about a lot of things. Maybe he can even cure me of things because everybody else (and everything I tried myself) could not.
Yay, big babies unite! :D *high five*
This is delightfully informative.
I wonder if there's a reason you want to wear your heart on your sleeve. I feel the same way, and it falls into my general philosophy of things. I like the saying " comfort the disturbed, disturb the comfortable" and I find that being emotionally vulnerable but openly so serves both purposes while also feeding something in me that feels better when it's satisfied.
I wonder if there's a reason you want to wear your heart on your sleeve. I feel the same way, and it falls into my general philosophy of things. I like the saying " comfort the disturbed, disturb the comfortable" and I find that being emotionally vulnerable but openly so serves both purposes while also feeding something in me that feels better when it's satisfied.
Also its okay to be a big baby <3 Its sweet. Do you still put distance between you and religion ?
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