Where Does One Begin?
Posted 3 days agoStill reflecting on this, so hard to say.
I think it's interesting to experience the convention vs seeing this parasocial fabricated periscope of the reality though I have been hanging with some felines at the said convention and they've been giving me thoughts about how people pivot and deviate once they have the experience not even speaking burnout but directly a yearning for something so different out of craving. This is my second time suiting though I have found great amusement in experiencing a gothic meetup that was full of alternative furs. Again I don't experience PCD though this time there wasn't enough high notes for a PCH moment nonetheless overall experience neutral-good with only a few bad moments (one that is fixable haha.)
Then there's well, we know that there's the MEMELORDS that everyone gawks about due to their great acting, bits, and skits. Personally I do love fursuit skits but these guys do skits in cosplay/costume not so much in suits and they do take up a huge amount of attention especially for those grinding out 'content.' Nothing wrong with having them around but I would say it draws in quite the eyeglass.
Techwear... techwear... furries seem to love it though only specific kinds and often other days bordering more cyberpunk aesthetics than down on the other genres of techwear.
Anything else? No? Maybe. Oh yeah, ninjas. Thinking about ninjas and specific scifi games and shows.
Anyway I have seen enough after learning about real life hazmat fursuiters that yes fursuit and also wear hazmat suits at the same time. Goodnight for I felt to be a different person this time at this event, even being affectionate out of nowhere.
I think it's interesting to experience the convention vs seeing this parasocial fabricated periscope of the reality though I have been hanging with some felines at the said convention and they've been giving me thoughts about how people pivot and deviate once they have the experience not even speaking burnout but directly a yearning for something so different out of craving. This is my second time suiting though I have found great amusement in experiencing a gothic meetup that was full of alternative furs. Again I don't experience PCD though this time there wasn't enough high notes for a PCH moment nonetheless overall experience neutral-good with only a few bad moments (one that is fixable haha.)
Then there's well, we know that there's the MEMELORDS that everyone gawks about due to their great acting, bits, and skits. Personally I do love fursuit skits but these guys do skits in cosplay/costume not so much in suits and they do take up a huge amount of attention especially for those grinding out 'content.' Nothing wrong with having them around but I would say it draws in quite the eyeglass.
Techwear... techwear... furries seem to love it though only specific kinds and often other days bordering more cyberpunk aesthetics than down on the other genres of techwear.
Anything else? No? Maybe. Oh yeah, ninjas. Thinking about ninjas and specific scifi games and shows.
Anyway I have seen enough after learning about real life hazmat fursuiters that yes fursuit and also wear hazmat suits at the same time. Goodnight for I felt to be a different person this time at this event, even being affectionate out of nowhere.
Possible Changes
Posted a month agoRe-reviewing everything, actually, it seems I might not be able to make it to MFF however though I am now stuck between the choice of BLFC or Furpocalypse so we shall see. Other than that I kinda am debating whether or not I will continue making announcements for cons and such as it has not really garnered much attention from contacts nor increase situational awareness amongst contacts (even when it's in a username.) So I'll probably keep it on low for a lot of stuff. After talking with some peeps, guess one isn't alone in the issue of how quiet and non-interactive people have been lately (even when they're not busy) they're possibly exhausted or without any remaining energy (especially of the social battery.) Granted I may be no better on my end as I sometimes even when I know better how to react to something sometimes give that blank stare at others.
Potential side project has been coming to my mind for a V2 head of Scrawl but this would be the character pre-undead (some imagination and creativity to try to well accommodate for said parts of the head will be needed.) It could easily also have some improvised sightlines and a specific shape adjustment to my actual head so QoL features really. I will not abandon the original head but it is such a precious work of art I am scared of damaging at times (plus it's also hard to see out of without any fursuit handlers on top of that.)
Potential side project has been coming to my mind for a V2 head of Scrawl but this would be the character pre-undead (some imagination and creativity to try to well accommodate for said parts of the head will be needed.) It could easily also have some improvised sightlines and a specific shape adjustment to my actual head so QoL features really. I will not abandon the original head but it is such a precious work of art I am scared of damaging at times (plus it's also hard to see out of without any fursuit handlers on top of that.)
Post-FE
Posted a month agoHello, I think I have more or less recovered and are back on schedule with work.
Furnal Equinox 2024, my experience is hard to say and I keep the hotel experience and events outside the con as separate from the main con experience itself yet anyhow the main thing was this was the first convention I went to fursuit in and this is also without a handler so I haven't been able to be as social as I a typically am and didn't attend any panels this time. I have noted after seeing many familiar faces that many of the furries I encountered in person are actually Canadian and it kinda makes sense given how many furcons Canada gets. There's a unique difference in the attitude of the Canadian goers vs Americans at furry cons which was discussed with a friend who is Canadian and the insight proved to me as useful. Overall I say I didn't experience enough of the convention to make a judgement but it certainly was a lot more chill compared to the cons I have attended.
As for my fursuiting experience I mainly carried my head around and sometimes walked around alone with it on to get a feel for navigation with severely limited vision and sound. I wasn't afraid of having photos taken and was willing to put it on when someone asked. A few times I even wondered about closing the eyes or covering them as even when I wasn't wearing it what most people noticed first was the eyes. Only did a bit of Thursday's night dance and very little on Friday or Saturday was it? Mainly due to getting sick with an infection so I had to avoid the dead dog dance as much as I love doing those. There was also a clothing experiment where you can see me wearing different outfits for each day.
The Saturday Fursuit walk was kinda nice actually except I had a hard time catching up with some new found acquaintances I met before the walk happened and met a cool suiter who turned out to be a dancer for this year's comp.
Anyhow updates, I had to cancel FD due to work policies but instead it's likely I can do FP and MFF this year again it seems. FWA is coming up and hopefully my furshoe paws will be here soon if they are real (and they seem to be very real.) These will only be worn at conventions and under other indoor only conditions. The maker I originally intended to get claws from can no longer attempt my slot so I have switched to another maker and as for the tail... I have to find someone new possibly to do the tail or wait till the end of the year.
Furnal Equinox 2024, my experience is hard to say and I keep the hotel experience and events outside the con as separate from the main con experience itself yet anyhow the main thing was this was the first convention I went to fursuit in and this is also without a handler so I haven't been able to be as social as I a typically am and didn't attend any panels this time. I have noted after seeing many familiar faces that many of the furries I encountered in person are actually Canadian and it kinda makes sense given how many furcons Canada gets. There's a unique difference in the attitude of the Canadian goers vs Americans at furry cons which was discussed with a friend who is Canadian and the insight proved to me as useful. Overall I say I didn't experience enough of the convention to make a judgement but it certainly was a lot more chill compared to the cons I have attended.
As for my fursuiting experience I mainly carried my head around and sometimes walked around alone with it on to get a feel for navigation with severely limited vision and sound. I wasn't afraid of having photos taken and was willing to put it on when someone asked. A few times I even wondered about closing the eyes or covering them as even when I wasn't wearing it what most people noticed first was the eyes. Only did a bit of Thursday's night dance and very little on Friday or Saturday was it? Mainly due to getting sick with an infection so I had to avoid the dead dog dance as much as I love doing those. There was also a clothing experiment where you can see me wearing different outfits for each day.
The Saturday Fursuit walk was kinda nice actually except I had a hard time catching up with some new found acquaintances I met before the walk happened and met a cool suiter who turned out to be a dancer for this year's comp.
Anyhow updates, I had to cancel FD due to work policies but instead it's likely I can do FP and MFF this year again it seems. FWA is coming up and hopefully my furshoe paws will be here soon if they are real (and they seem to be very real.) These will only be worn at conventions and under other indoor only conditions. The maker I originally intended to get claws from can no longer attempt my slot so I have switched to another maker and as for the tail... I have to find someone new possibly to do the tail or wait till the end of the year.
Probable Updates
Posted 2 months agoNot much to say as life, it goes.
Did decide to make a Twitter but I will make minimal use of it other than that I think this year's cons are mostly settled:
Furnal Equinox, Furry Weekend Atlanta, Megaplex, and maybe Furpocalypse OR Midwest Furfest. Besides that I am getting some more parts for Scrawl and trying to figure out some character or ya know they'll be an open idea. Still going through the process for the Eel suit and the muntjac otherwise will probably keep quiet. Maybe i'll make a linktree or something to make it easier for people to find and or verify (avoid imposters.)
Still trying to remain solid on my final art ideas / no more comms thereafter but I don't mind opening the idea if people wanted to draw certain characters of mine. The only one that is partially personal is the Eel.
Did decide to make a Twitter but I will make minimal use of it other than that I think this year's cons are mostly settled:
Furnal Equinox, Furry Weekend Atlanta, Megaplex, and maybe Furpocalypse OR Midwest Furfest. Besides that I am getting some more parts for Scrawl and trying to figure out some character or ya know they'll be an open idea. Still going through the process for the Eel suit and the muntjac otherwise will probably keep quiet. Maybe i'll make a linktree or something to make it easier for people to find and or verify (avoid imposters.)
Still trying to remain solid on my final art ideas / no more comms thereafter but I don't mind opening the idea if people wanted to draw certain characters of mine. The only one that is partially personal is the Eel.
A New Friend For The Menagerie
Posted 4 months agoHello, it seems that my plans so far are still within good standing and that Furnal Equinox is virtually guaranteed unless stuff happens as said and Furry Weekend Atlanta is also still green. Now the for main subject, a new character I have received in the mail has well arrived (yet to name them) and befittingly they fit this year's zodiac (a dragon.) Now they will potentially appear at FE and most likely at FWA otherwise don't expect many photos from me (I'm all the while new at this and don't have a great background for setting up quality photos.)
Other topics, it has finally come to my mind that I have decided to let the Eel character be agender with any pronouns as it never really concerned me that much and I typically let it flow in people calling the Eel whatever (even a few times I've noticed she/her) but before that the Eel was mainly they/them (despite this I am not really bothered when ya call them he/him anyhow!) Might at some point just be open to the idea of letting people draw the Eel if they so choose (safe for work art only and no bizarre fetishes.)
Other topics, it has finally come to my mind that I have decided to let the Eel character be agender with any pronouns as it never really concerned me that much and I typically let it flow in people calling the Eel whatever (even a few times I've noticed she/her) but before that the Eel was mainly they/them (despite this I am not really bothered when ya call them he/him anyhow!) Might at some point just be open to the idea of letting people draw the Eel if they so choose (safe for work art only and no bizarre fetishes.)
Squiggling Out The Year
Posted 5 months agoAlright I return from MFF and I would say, it's been a great experience though I am not sure if I would do it again as the entire situation was unintentional and I even poked a bunch of friends as the room was free for one other person though nobody was available and willing to travel over or other costs came to concern. The VIP / sponsor services were also pretty great.
Got to see some of my favorite fursuits, old friends, people I never met before in person, and new acquaintances.
Round Ending Stats:
-Lynxes Found: 21
(2 bobcats and some hybrids included)
-Post-con Happiness: Yes
Total furcons attended for 2023: 5
-Furry Weekend Atlanta
-Furrydelphia
-Megaplex
-Furpocalypse
-Midwest FurFest
Bonus: Furality Sylva (The VR furry con)
Note: Not a fan of hard style and or glitch core it seems when it comes to dancing especially say with the dead dog dance (Sunday) though on Saturday night I noticed I have a lot of energy for moving (no real form or techniques just chaotically and stupidly moving my body.)
Now for next year's conventions,
*** Furnal Equinox
*** Furry Weekend Atlanta
* Furrydelphia
** Megaplex
* Furpocalypse
*** I am definitely attempting to go to these ones unless something serious stops me
** Definitely wanting to go
* May be sacrificed / ignored perhaps
Other than that, I might try to put a hold on digital arts after this year (an actual hold) and try to focus on more of the physical crafts and goods. So next year could just be commissions that I ordered finish later on (due to whatever delays caused and such.)
Got to see some of my favorite fursuits, old friends, people I never met before in person, and new acquaintances.
Round Ending Stats:
-Lynxes Found: 21
(2 bobcats and some hybrids included)
-Post-con Happiness: Yes
Total furcons attended for 2023: 5
-Furry Weekend Atlanta
-Furrydelphia
-Megaplex
-Furpocalypse
-Midwest FurFest
Bonus: Furality Sylva (The VR furry con)
Note: Not a fan of hard style and or glitch core it seems when it comes to dancing especially say with the dead dog dance (Sunday) though on Saturday night I noticed I have a lot of energy for moving (no real form or techniques just chaotically and stupidly moving my body.)
Now for next year's conventions,
*** Furnal Equinox
*** Furry Weekend Atlanta
* Furrydelphia
** Megaplex
* Furpocalypse
*** I am definitely attempting to go to these ones unless something serious stops me
** Definitely wanting to go
* May be sacrificed / ignored perhaps
Other than that, I might try to put a hold on digital arts after this year (an actual hold) and try to focus on more of the physical crafts and goods. So next year could just be commissions that I ordered finish later on (due to whatever delays caused and such.)
MFF's Happening
Posted 6 months agoGoing to be there, this wasn't originally going to be part of the convention list and was an opportunistic event.
Would make about five conventions I went through this year and much has been learned to some new contacts though not everyone's available so there's always that.
Wondering if I will ever actually have a pause on art or not and just move onto more IRL stuff such as crafts and wearing suits. I don't have that much substance but instead run around with a silly personality and weird aesthetic. Recently however I have learned about the genre known as 'splatterpunk' without fully knowing what it was in the past.
Upcoming posts:
-Late Halloween (Vichram)
-Profile banner (Eel, Kerax, and Vichram)
-Animation (Eels)
P.S. I made a Bluesky account and an Instagram account. :>
4:46
Would make about five conventions I went through this year and much has been learned to some new contacts though not everyone's available so there's always that.
Wondering if I will ever actually have a pause on art or not and just move onto more IRL stuff such as crafts and wearing suits. I don't have that much substance but instead run around with a silly personality and weird aesthetic. Recently however I have learned about the genre known as 'splatterpunk' without fully knowing what it was in the past.
Upcoming posts:
-Late Halloween (Vichram)
-Profile banner (Eel, Kerax, and Vichram)
-Animation (Eels)
P.S. I made a Bluesky account and an Instagram account. :>
4:46
Grimalkin
Posted 7 months agoTatzelwurms have been on my mind for a short while now among other things, an old character of mine is nearing completion in being redesigned but twisted beyond what he was originally I would say he's practically a new character now. He takes on some ideas I originally intended for Cornelius but never gotten those interpreted into artworks so instead my renewed character will inherent these ideas with some changes.
On another note, been thinking about robots after seeing one particular image yet done in a specific manner I am not sure how to easily describe it but they seem to be another excuse to have a character that isn't fully anthro or is less-than-anthro almost monstrous in design or shape however I am doubtful this one will manifest into a character. Had in mind arthropods or gastropods for them too though finding an artist for that? Unlikely let alone the difference between something on paper vs in one's mind, fuzzy as it is.
On another note, been thinking about robots after seeing one particular image yet done in a specific manner I am not sure how to easily describe it but they seem to be another excuse to have a character that isn't fully anthro or is less-than-anthro almost monstrous in design or shape however I am doubtful this one will manifest into a character. Had in mind arthropods or gastropods for them too though finding an artist for that? Unlikely let alone the difference between something on paper vs in one's mind, fuzzy as it is.
Eel Backlog
Posted 8 months agoHmm I still have a small handful of art pieces to upload though a few I am not even sure if they're worth uploading (this is ironic considering it felt interesting to keep this page full of everything or most of everything that made any sense.) There's a part where I also think I will cease with the art or put a pause but then something comes up or some other reason. The rest of it may or may not be also sitting on some Discord server that was once a thing I used but now is a shell with a ghost roaming about. That does remind me however as I explore art and artists, there's many small time to medium artists who grow very slowly and to my surprise have artstyles that fit the taste of particular persons I have noted or encountered overtime but they're relatively obscure as you'd have to go through multiple kinds of platforms of social media or get lucky with encountering them in some other space or word of mouth.
Otherwise, Megaplex 2023, now that was a blast plus I am so happy to have seen some familiar to even new faces though I dunno how to describe it but for me (as it is different for others) I still feel mainly post-con happiness not really any post-con depression and I think after this next convention that's enough for the year as con hopping is expensive even with the help of others so thanks guys for some accommodations and cooperation. I KNOW, I NEED TO BE SAVING UP FOR THAT SUIT BUT IT FEELS SELF-DEFEATING IF MUCH of the interaction can be done without a suit plus I only see a handful of you guys once or twice in a year in person so. As always I am open to chatting post-convention just hit me up on Telegram and or Discord.
Note, even before clown con (panel) I think I GENUINELY enjoy clowns especially clown furries though that panel made me enjoy them even more haha.
Random stats to note:
-Confirmed lynx encounters: 9
-Clown lynx? Yes.
Otherwise, Megaplex 2023, now that was a blast plus I am so happy to have seen some familiar to even new faces though I dunno how to describe it but for me (as it is different for others) I still feel mainly post-con happiness not really any post-con depression and I think after this next convention that's enough for the year as con hopping is expensive even with the help of others so thanks guys for some accommodations and cooperation. I KNOW, I NEED TO BE SAVING UP FOR THAT SUIT BUT IT FEELS SELF-DEFEATING IF MUCH of the interaction can be done without a suit plus I only see a handful of you guys once or twice in a year in person so. As always I am open to chatting post-convention just hit me up on Telegram and or Discord.
Note, even before clown con (panel) I think I GENUINELY enjoy clowns especially clown furries though that panel made me enjoy them even more haha.
Random stats to note:
-Confirmed lynx encounters: 9
-Clown lynx? Yes.
- Couldn't find a standalone version of this track anywhere so close as I can get.
Eel Update
Posted 8 months agoThe 3D model is almost complete and to be ready for VRChat (probably will see if I can also get them into NeosVR as well though we'll see) now there's even more reason to be a squiggly wiggly in VRC other than that, still working towards the fursuit and even so it will be a while after being paid for. No update on the character redesign, the artist is still working through those commissions haha. OTHERWISE for the Eel, running out of formats to explore, art wise. Many variations of how the Eel is viewed and or seen stemming from adaptation to format (such as in 3D having to scale the character to be more human-like at least to fit within the rigging) or that even the fursuit... has to be well closer to anthro. Granted even in 2D art there's always been variations and deviations from the typical original monster that stands and I don't mind, sometimes its fun to see what an artist comes up with.
Be seeing some of you guys at the next convention. Hopefully I don't run into any issues.
Oh and my birthday had passed last month, was nice as I didn't expect to go to a convention for it but hey it all worked out didn't it? (Of course it did) also contemplating a FD art piece with the peeps that hung around for some amount of time though it probably won't be soon but I think it's a fun idea just wondering how it should look and the poses.... including whether or not we should have actual furniture building in the scene or not.
Be seeing some of you guys at the next convention. Hopefully I don't run into any issues.
Oh and my birthday had passed last month, was nice as I didn't expect to go to a convention for it but hey it all worked out didn't it? (Of course it did) also contemplating a FD art piece with the peeps that hung around for some amount of time though it probably won't be soon but I think it's a fun idea just wondering how it should look and the poses.... including whether or not we should have actual furniture building in the scene or not.
Augeist
Posted 9 months agoPerhaps I am not the only one who wants to call it (the month of August) that in a joking sort of manner. Geist - Ghost, eh?
Only thing to note, special month (for me at least.)
Only thing to note, special month (for me at least.)
Thinking About Redesigning A Character
Posted 10 months agoIt's a character I haven't used much now a days as they've been replaced by the Eel at some point (so no the Eel isn't getting remorphed but they will probably get a reference sheet so I can get the suit quoted at least) and their cowl should get a pattern, if possible. Last time was a thought to make a new character, an owl though that didn't go through and there were some themes with axes involved but otherwise that's not active for now and instead a pre-existing character I wish if not want to redesign to the point they're practically a new character; something chimeric in a way and using two species for the main body and one for some notable alterations to the head and as always they should get some weird mythical alternative form (there is one in mind already.) In some places I briefly mentioned it a little, I was looking at into felids and canids yet with luck there has been two chosen ones now the third species need to look around.
The difficulty now is finding someone who is or will be open and also is capable of drawing well wildcats (without making them appearing akin to a domestic cat on top of if they're open to working with my madness on the character's alternative form otherwise I could get that from a separate artist.)
Originally the plan was to get a headshot commission or a portrait of a character obscured in clothing that covers the whole body and some goggles to cover the eyes, to leave it as a sneak peak then get some kind of transformation art piece to show the character's update followed by a proper reference though this is ehh a bit much on the budget when I think about it. There's no-one to really talk to about this stuff at least not at the top of the head so here have it as a journal from Eel's thought box.
As for writing? I don't write, haven't written much in general, and it doesn't seem to be a deep interest for me honestly so it's expectedly amateurish and eh? So probably will forget about that consideration of writing up stuff.
The difficulty now is finding someone who is or will be open and also is capable of drawing well wildcats (without making them appearing akin to a domestic cat on top of if they're open to working with my madness on the character's alternative form otherwise I could get that from a separate artist.)
Originally the plan was to get a headshot commission or a portrait of a character obscured in clothing that covers the whole body and some goggles to cover the eyes, to leave it as a sneak peak then get some kind of transformation art piece to show the character's update followed by a proper reference though this is ehh a bit much on the budget when I think about it. There's no-one to really talk to about this stuff at least not at the top of the head so here have it as a journal from Eel's thought box.
As for writing? I don't write, haven't written much in general, and it doesn't seem to be a deep interest for me honestly so it's expectedly amateurish and eh? So probably will forget about that consideration of writing up stuff.
Plans Change Again
Posted a year agoHello, I hope that people have been enjoying their pride month.
So the change of plans: Accommodations and reasonings have occurred and it appears that Furrydelphia 2023 is on the list (coming in a few months from now) on top of Megaplex. Curiosity still stands for Furpocalypse if a strong enough incentive comes by as well as the special friend being able to go there as well. Other than that, it's been sitting on the back of my mind still that desire / interest for a fursuit and the 3D model has been paid for so now we're waiting for it to be in development. There is however a prototype 3D model that I have been using if you've ever encountered me in the digital 3D space (remember to stretch the long tail.) As to the fursuit perhaps then I shall plan to go for it, if the maker of interest is open by the time I have saved up enough funds then it seems all would be well enough though now I have been contemplating getting a second job or do some side gig(s) maybe to expedite the process (nothing crazy or weird.) Will also have to look into the fursuit reference, who can do it, and to what details, so that will be something.
My interest with the suit is mainly experience but perhaps there would be some fun in disassociating and becoming something else as well even if temporary. The suit shouldn't be anything crazy or over the top, for now I am mainly interested in getting a digitigrade suit done (will consider the tail length to something reasonable despite how fun it would be for something very long it could become annoying fast.)
Otherwise, for some of the audience members a few more pieces of art are coming and still there hasn't been any luck in trying to get a NSFW piece of art (it's kinda funny how many factors end up becoming a barrier to this even after having some ideas of what could be done in the piece.) That's all there is to say for now.
So the change of plans: Accommodations and reasonings have occurred and it appears that Furrydelphia 2023 is on the list (coming in a few months from now) on top of Megaplex. Curiosity still stands for Furpocalypse if a strong enough incentive comes by as well as the special friend being able to go there as well. Other than that, it's been sitting on the back of my mind still that desire / interest for a fursuit and the 3D model has been paid for so now we're waiting for it to be in development. There is however a prototype 3D model that I have been using if you've ever encountered me in the digital 3D space (remember to stretch the long tail.) As to the fursuit perhaps then I shall plan to go for it, if the maker of interest is open by the time I have saved up enough funds then it seems all would be well enough though now I have been contemplating getting a second job or do some side gig(s) maybe to expedite the process (nothing crazy or weird.) Will also have to look into the fursuit reference, who can do it, and to what details, so that will be something.
My interest with the suit is mainly experience but perhaps there would be some fun in disassociating and becoming something else as well even if temporary. The suit shouldn't be anything crazy or over the top, for now I am mainly interested in getting a digitigrade suit done (will consider the tail length to something reasonable despite how fun it would be for something very long it could become annoying fast.)
Otherwise, for some of the audience members a few more pieces of art are coming and still there hasn't been any luck in trying to get a NSFW piece of art (it's kinda funny how many factors end up becoming a barrier to this even after having some ideas of what could be done in the piece.) That's all there is to say for now.
Back At Home - Post-Convention Happiness
Posted a year agoHello yes, yet another convention journal that's probably popped up on your journal feed (I had a very large journal already setup but it seems I accidentally pressed something and now all that text is gone sadly.)
Overall I would say FWA is a fun convention with friends, I acknowledge the attendee population has grown massively and that the first few days for many were line con or elevator con. Many folks were also inbatnito, incatnito, indognito, and so forth and a reminder about the flexibility of anonymity within the fandom even when other days being very recognizable. Regardless of stuff posted on the internet, I notice what is experienced and felt in the convention at the convention vs all the parasocial madness. My main reason for attending was to hangout with a special close friend of mine but also been able to encounter peeps from last year's convention that was attended (Megaplex 2022) among other peeps such as digital friends whom were never encountered before. Some new friends were made at this convention too, (second convention overall in experience) and first time I ever attended a rave (it was Sunday night, the last day.) Some may recognize me for some person walking around with a little green circuit board paw on a lanyard making a click-clack sound with every movement.
Despite my original perspective of how I thought I would be, I was not that awkward, not that shy, and actually very social. My friends described me as "too innocent" and more often than not "very sweet." The magic of the convention is slowly leaving me however as this is being typed out so the Eel will become more reserved. This experience has lead me to learn many things of myself, others, and of humans in general. Got to try on some fursuit heads and learn a bit about fursuit operations as well as act as an amateur handler for a few experienced fursuiters, so fun fun. If I ever get a suit I may also have to learn on how to become ineelnito.
To do:
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Round Ending Stats,
Total weird events: 4
-Nothing of value was lost and no emotional damage received.
Furry apparel purchased: 4 (soon to be 5 technically since preorders.)
-There wasn't too much of interest but am always looking for more, certain tastes haven't been met yet.
Unique photos taken with fursuiters and or cosplayers (ignoring duplicate images): 13
Stickers added to the Machine: 6
Eel satisfaction: Absolutely eelated
Note: I will probably make yet another journal or really (edit this one later due to all the text that was lost)
Next convention: Megaplex 2023
Overall I would say FWA is a fun convention with friends, I acknowledge the attendee population has grown massively and that the first few days for many were line con or elevator con. Many folks were also inbatnito, incatnito, indognito, and so forth and a reminder about the flexibility of anonymity within the fandom even when other days being very recognizable. Regardless of stuff posted on the internet, I notice what is experienced and felt in the convention at the convention vs all the parasocial madness. My main reason for attending was to hangout with a special close friend of mine but also been able to encounter peeps from last year's convention that was attended (Megaplex 2022) among other peeps such as digital friends whom were never encountered before. Some new friends were made at this convention too, (second convention overall in experience) and first time I ever attended a rave (it was Sunday night, the last day.) Some may recognize me for some person walking around with a little green circuit board paw on a lanyard making a click-clack sound with every movement.
Despite my original perspective of how I thought I would be, I was not that awkward, not that shy, and actually very social. My friends described me as "too innocent" and more often than not "very sweet." The magic of the convention is slowly leaving me however as this is being typed out so the Eel will become more reserved. This experience has lead me to learn many things of myself, others, and of humans in general. Got to try on some fursuit heads and learn a bit about fursuit operations as well as act as an amateur handler for a few experienced fursuiters, so fun fun. If I ever get a suit I may also have to learn on how to become ineelnito.
To do:
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Round Ending Stats,
Total weird events: 4
-Nothing of value was lost and no emotional damage received.
Furry apparel purchased: 4 (soon to be 5 technically since preorders.)
-There wasn't too much of interest but am always looking for more, certain tastes haven't been met yet.
Unique photos taken with fursuiters and or cosplayers (ignoring duplicate images): 13
Stickers added to the Machine: 6
Eel satisfaction: Absolutely eelated
Note: I will probably make yet another journal or really (edit this one later due to all the text that was lost)
Next convention: Megaplex 2023
The Closet
Posted a year agoWill it ever open? I don't know and not even I am aware of what's inside as there's been plenty of changes and new found questions even if many wouldn't see me different so now onto the real business while there's resistance towards oversharing the first convention for this year is actually going to be FWA (the second convention may come in a later announcement) so if anyone wants to encounter one another even for a very short bit of time (not sure what the plan is and my main intention is as always is to hang with a special friend) can simply, ask for my Telegram. I'll try not to be as weird and as anxious now that plenty of ice has been broken and honestly the types of people I have encountered with my first convention makes me happy honestly to note the variety of backgrounds and personalities.
There is something that's been sitting on my mind that I want to address but I don't know and I don't think it would change anything not for others at least. Each day I am reminded to not for how unfriendly this region is and one particular individual encountered from the first convention reminds me to hold no shame or negative feelings despite the unfriendliness.
Other than that, soon to be happy Earthday my fellow Earthlings (many of whom are inhabitants of the terrestrial realm.)
There is something that's been sitting on my mind that I want to address but I don't know and I don't think it would change anything not for others at least. Each day I am reminded to not for how unfriendly this region is and one particular individual encountered from the first convention reminds me to hold no shame or negative feelings despite the unfriendliness.
Other than that, soon to be happy Earthday my fellow Earthlings (many of whom are inhabitants of the terrestrial realm.)
Eelxistence
Posted a year agoGreetings, the factors of stress and sleeping haven't been as much of an issue lately (and it shouldn't bleed into some art ideas either) though now the issue has been time related otherwise for some peeps out there will be seeing you at two different venues (conventions) this year (if all goes well anyway.) The only thing that's been going on lately, any works that haven't been finished but wait on multiple creators ques otherwise have a WIP of something I commissioned: https://twitter.com/BrookeTBigelow/.....74832420237312
Due to the current situation, decided to defer from the suit idea into well a 3D model (seems more versatile and especially for some video games that allow me and some friends to put our models in as playable characters in game for fun.) Internet playground wise, been eyeballing NeosVR mainly and maybe VRChat. As for the fursuit... there's only one particular fursuit maker in mind (they after all are open to working on exotics and the unusual) otherwise if I do decide to throw myself at the idea of a basic digitigrade suit however a bit too ambitious at the moment though still would be exciting (despite however there wouldn't be many opportunities to dawn it.)
Other than that a growing interest in reading about animals, their biology and ecology as well as some other details. That is all for now to state.
Oh and I am still an Eel if anyone asks (especially about the deer they are after all another character.)
Due to the current situation, decided to defer from the suit idea into well a 3D model (seems more versatile and especially for some video games that allow me and some friends to put our models in as playable characters in game for fun.) Internet playground wise, been eyeballing NeosVR mainly and maybe VRChat. As for the fursuit... there's only one particular fursuit maker in mind (they after all are open to working on exotics and the unusual) otherwise if I do decide to throw myself at the idea of a basic digitigrade suit however a bit too ambitious at the moment though still would be exciting (despite however there wouldn't be many opportunities to dawn it.)
Other than that a growing interest in reading about animals, their biology and ecology as well as some other details. That is all for now to state.
Oh and I am still an Eel if anyone asks (especially about the deer they are after all another character.)
Out Of Ideas
Posted a year agoNothing interesting comes to mind for art ideas so the quality and consistency of future pieces done by artists is going to shift dramatically. One friend had suggested I could go into having some kind of comic ordered though his POV was relevant towards an audience however there's a lack of consideration for an audience even for the story or scifi stuff that was in mind and overtime everything seems to at a hollow foundation. With the past works received a lot often more than not it sort of was finding someone whose style, views, creativity, and skills could help me get some idea out of my mind while also supporting the artist and getting to explore styles in general.
To the previous part, on everything is on a hollow foundation about most of the stuff I had in mind lacks substance story wise but not aesthetically and thankfully there haven't been many peeps and or groups trying to associate or ascribe the views with whatever they can come up with for some moral view or 'hidden message' (spoiler: there isn't a message and instead a chaotic mess.) Overall however some of the art acquisition has helped relieve stress from the mind especially with imagination being obstructive to focus. There isn't a solid future direction on what next.
To the previous part, on everything is on a hollow foundation about most of the stuff I had in mind lacks substance story wise but not aesthetically and thankfully there haven't been many peeps and or groups trying to associate or ascribe the views with whatever they can come up with for some moral view or 'hidden message' (spoiler: there isn't a message and instead a chaotic mess.) Overall however some of the art acquisition has helped relieve stress from the mind especially with imagination being obstructive to focus. There isn't a solid future direction on what next.
Continuing On - Post Convention
Posted a year agoThe convention, it was a nice experience and I found myself not thinking that hard about it after as there is no sort of as they call it: "Post Con Depression" the entire nature of missing everything to the whole experience I guess I didn't see it as escapism (same goes with art, it's more so intended for creative fantasy even if not all of it is original.) One of the main goals that even started this was, to meet a close friend and that was accomplished, I even had to leave mid-way through a panel because of the entire purpose of hanging with the friend over some of the other events though that panel was also interesting as it's stuck in my mind now: 1989 as the beginning of the modern furry fandom supposedly as well as acknowledging the drift from scifi conventions (old-school scifi) so thanks to that particular panelist/writer/scientist for doing those panels and collecting the information for presenting. I hope to see those who I have met again next time and surprisingly there has been a decent amount of S.T.E.M. furs encountered especially on the side of the life-sciences.
Art wise? Still continuing with the entire terrestrial survival suit experiments otherwise there isn't much else in mind besides a few animations inspired by some movies and or animated-tv-series to other silly ideas.There came another character that could come into existence, this one however wouldn't be anthropomorphic per say though can 'stand' close to it (pun intended), but nothing has been fleshed out conceptually and there has been a few artists I have found who I think could try to take on the concept to completion. Biomechatronics / robotics (soft and hard) seems to be second character theme. Fantasy isn't completely gone either, though I would say maybe there's only a few pieces I would have in mind mainly outfits/attire since I never got the mask done for the moray and another particular character.
Some other idea to note, while there is the entire: "OH WENT TO MY FIRST <FURRY> CONVENTION NOW I WANT A SUIT!" This energy was felt but I also acknowledge the pros and cons that come with them plus to find a suit maker for what is in mind? Found a few and was also able to communicate with one person on the suit idea so i'll share it for some fun:
1) The vision problem due to the character's extended neck: This can be solved by the reality of the character's mouth being open (the wearer's head can probably be within the base of the neck and or in the middle of it and a porous-see-through cloth or a special opaque material could work with a few inches of space so eyewear/glasses can be worn. (As in yes, the wearer's head is in the character's mouth essentially) but a veil would prevent a viewer from seeing the person inside (witnessing the abyssal depths found within the maws of an eldritch being.) The other idea was: Making the purplish brown-black splotches porous but the problem with this is how far from the wearer's head would be from these holes even if they blend in with the character's pattern and be hard to tell if they're even porous.)
2) Passive animation: the mouth can be less static which was a suggestion given by a suit-maker and would use a pulley system to give the head-neck more organic movement in a sense of breathing to the casual (OPEN-CLOSE MOUTH BREATHING) morays do. Magnets were another idea for the jaws to open and close but I was dissuaded from this because of better options existing.
3) Optional moving part: The pharyngeal jaws can be made of a soft squishy material but probably hard enough to lightly grab objects and I don't know what system would be needed to get this to work and whether or not there be enough space or mechanical failures. Though it's a fun optional character-prop idea. It would certainly scare and or surprise people.
For 3) I was suggested, a specific foam.
4) Legs? Stilts, probably given the nature of digitigrade. (Unless something of an elephant's foot is desired.)
The alternative idea to a suit, a costume cosplay: Simply integrating or modifying some kind of suit that covers the whole body (especially say cooling suits or something with a lattice for liquid heat exchange could be used) as keeping the wearer cooled is important (EZ vests aside I have noted seeing suiters with full on cooling systems before) and then some kind of LDC-screen mask/visor/headgear that projects an animated character's face enveloped in water underneath the mask/visor. Add a tail and that's about it really, anything else could be accessory for fun and or for aesthetic purposes.
Now will all or something of this to occur soon? No, probably not for a while actually.
Oh and there might be another convention to head towards, we'll see... still working out one issue that prevents me from going.
Art wise? Still continuing with the entire terrestrial survival suit experiments otherwise there isn't much else in mind besides a few animations inspired by some movies and or animated-tv-series to other silly ideas.
Some other idea to note, while there is the entire: "OH WENT TO MY FIRST <FURRY> CONVENTION NOW I WANT A SUIT!" This energy was felt but I also acknowledge the pros and cons that come with them plus to find a suit maker for what is in mind? Found a few and was also able to communicate with one person on the suit idea so i'll share it for some fun:
1) The vision problem due to the character's extended neck: This can be solved by the reality of the character's mouth being open (the wearer's head can probably be within the base of the neck and or in the middle of it and a porous-see-through cloth or a special opaque material could work with a few inches of space so eyewear/glasses can be worn. (As in yes, the wearer's head is in the character's mouth essentially) but a veil would prevent a viewer from seeing the person inside (witnessing the abyssal depths found within the maws of an eldritch being.) The other idea was: Making the purplish brown-black splotches porous but the problem with this is how far from the wearer's head would be from these holes even if they blend in with the character's pattern and be hard to tell if they're even porous.)
2) Passive animation: the mouth can be less static which was a suggestion given by a suit-maker and would use a pulley system to give the head-neck more organic movement in a sense of breathing to the casual (OPEN-CLOSE MOUTH BREATHING) morays do. Magnets were another idea for the jaws to open and close but I was dissuaded from this because of better options existing.
3) Optional moving part: The pharyngeal jaws can be made of a soft squishy material but probably hard enough to lightly grab objects and I don't know what system would be needed to get this to work and whether or not there be enough space or mechanical failures. Though it's a fun optional character-prop idea. It would certainly scare and or surprise people.
For 3) I was suggested, a specific foam.
4) Legs? Stilts, probably given the nature of digitigrade. (Unless something of an elephant's foot is desired.)
The alternative idea to a suit, a costume cosplay: Simply integrating or modifying some kind of suit that covers the whole body (especially say cooling suits or something with a lattice for liquid heat exchange could be used) as keeping the wearer cooled is important (EZ vests aside I have noted seeing suiters with full on cooling systems before) and then some kind of LDC-screen mask/visor/headgear that projects an animated character's face enveloped in water underneath the mask/visor. Add a tail and that's about it really, anything else could be accessory for fun and or for aesthetic purposes.
Now will all or something of this to occur soon? No, probably not for a while actually.
Returned from a con
Posted a year agoAs the title says.
Eh will make another journal for it another time, for now need to settle, rest, and unpack. Ah there won't be any post-con depression, I'VE GOT VIDEO GAMES TO PLAY WITH PEEPS and some peeps I met I can stay in contact with and share continued interests.
Eh will make another journal for it another time, for now need to settle, rest, and unpack. Ah there won't be any post-con depression, I'VE GOT VIDEO GAMES TO PLAY WITH PEEPS and some peeps I met I can stay in contact with and share continued interests.
Have you forgotten to have fun?
Posted 2 years agoI know I sometimes have though we're not here about that at least for right now and remember flattery can be dangerous. One thing for sure, I am no protagonist, no antagonist, and I am certainly not a main character.
Perhaps some updates
Posted 2 years agoHello, it has been a while.
Originally, I thought I wanted to write a story with the head canon I have though I realized that this won't happen for it has been more interesting getting some it in a visual-based perspective even if noone else can understand it so with that said I am probably going to leave it at peace after a few more depictions. Outside of that I am planning on going to a convention later this year (which is very exciting) and oh don't worry I won't be acting weird or strange since the way I speak is different from how I type. So don't expect too much in-character nonsense.
Speaking of the in-character nonsense, may drop it or reduce it here soon though outside of this I don't have many meaningful words to write (reason for my lack of comments and elsewise lurker-esque behavior.) Maybe I should get with some communities again and with a healthier-mindset. I must say, going 'outside' hasn't helped too much though it still has, I still encounter really odd and uncanny individuals who remind me why I stay off of most social media platforms.
My focus with the esoterics has been decreasing and that I am no longer deeply approaching people about their head canons and fictional worlds to universes though with what has been noticed and shared has been nice to think about while there was some form of contact in the past. So, what is to be expected: A new piece should be coming soon (an illustration that I ordered) and I will probably provide a description of the setting idea and inspirations. Then two references for two important characters perhaps, I have always had a hard time trying to manifest them and that should be it for a while. Enjoy these crumbs while they last. There are a few content creators I miss and well perhaps I will try to engage with them another time if they're still about.
Finally: ARGs & unfiction stuff seems pretty cool though I don't think I have the interest to keep up with this sort of stuff. See it time to time again and memes related to one or the other before I realize its a reference to something more complicated then acknowledge that its not something I am going to invest time into.
Originally, I thought I wanted to write a story with the head canon I have though I realized that this won't happen for it has been more interesting getting some it in a visual-based perspective even if noone else can understand it so with that said I am probably going to leave it at peace after a few more depictions. Outside of that I am planning on going to a convention later this year (which is very exciting) and oh don't worry I won't be acting weird or strange since the way I speak is different from how I type. So don't expect too much in-character nonsense.
Speaking of the in-character nonsense, may drop it or reduce it here soon though outside of this I don't have many meaningful words to write (reason for my lack of comments and elsewise lurker-esque behavior.) Maybe I should get with some communities again and with a healthier-mindset. I must say, going 'outside' hasn't helped too much though it still has, I still encounter really odd and uncanny individuals who remind me why I stay off of most social media platforms.
My focus with the esoterics has been decreasing and that I am no longer deeply approaching people about their head canons and fictional worlds to universes though with what has been noticed and shared has been nice to think about while there was some form of contact in the past. So, what is to be expected: A new piece should be coming soon (an illustration that I ordered) and I will probably provide a description of the setting idea and inspirations. Then two references for two important characters perhaps, I have always had a hard time trying to manifest them and that should be it for a while. Enjoy these crumbs while they last. There are a few content creators I miss and well perhaps I will try to engage with them another time if they're still about.
Finally: ARGs & unfiction stuff seems pretty cool though I don't think I have the interest to keep up with this sort of stuff. See it time to time again and memes related to one or the other before I realize its a reference to something more complicated then acknowledge that its not something I am going to invest time into.
Between being a geek and a dork
Posted 2 years agoOr other including nerd-ing over content.
Recently perhaps I have lost, yet another contact and lately I have been kinda tired of burning bridges though looking back I don't think there were ever bridges. Metaphorically then I would see that my character doesn't ask or yell across the river but instead dives through, swims, and pokes their head out in this weird acquaintanceship. Glad to see someone however truly chill the river and break this cycle, the ice is thin enough that to walk it will break and discourages mobility and there is no wood during this winter to build any bridges so. The regrets fade and become lessons to own up to.
Wasn't sure how to feel about it at first until I remembered someone rather geeky, they more so approached me than I to others and after the first few discussions I saw it in their character. It didn't take long for the days after, to be annoyed or harassed again and again and that I should of seen it coming yet as any person I guess I don't mind being open still to some attempts. However this time I saw some of those traits in myself and now feel glad that, again someone had instilled the lesson of the reality of how such an unsustainable behavior goes. Nowhere. One collaboration and then its done with not even a future promise.
Sometimes, it is them who invite you to 'their' server and hope you 'blend' in with 'their' groups and that when you show resistance, what is expected in return ends up becoming an exile or a pariah before acknowledging perhaps should of not step foot into such a house after seeing what rules it has. Hard to know them as an individual and more so when you do try to get to know them its in front of everyone else they know.
Alone, one is a dork exploring and having fun while with others its a cesspool of geeky behavior and an opening to the informal social fallacies to believe and want just to stay. No more of that, hopefully.
To the real, I acknowledge that to have a youthful face and approach those in charge how often they look for someone bright because they want a replacement. They want someone to take the throne and not through tyranny and certainly not through persuasion. Indeed how many times I have found my path spun around in multiple directions for showing such a brightness before I realized that I am narrowing down slowly perhaps surely where I do want to be. It hasn't even begun yet really and when it does, many of these mementos I may forget though happy to have solidified what I could at the time for the emotions and passion for it fades. The same words I would use to describe it can't be captured in time or the views and implications... then its all ashes. Though not an addiction to feed either for constant commissioning of artists.
Whether its a job, bricolage, and or school... when full-time hits. Everything will be a blur and almost don't even think about everything beyond that and that your distanced from your contacts and personal relations. Don't worry I have been paying attention, it does feel weird doesn't it when people set up the stage as if your rerunning a never-ending show as if your new as if you have amnesia. Just to satisfy, a jaded one who has been retained too long. Still evaluating and understanding retention and acknowledge that it comes in many forms for many occupations and it is not something to joke about. Many of the generations including the millennials, they say they recognize and even joke about: "The grind." I am glad I have had the wait I had, I know there are very few things to prepare a person but I see hints and words that seem to add up to a lot and not even holistically speaking. That literature exists as well from multiple forms and even if not all of it is true. You can notice something. Not as if it matters anyway, everytime I find someone probably worthy of exchanging discussion, there are no sources that are returned and then those who return a source if not more. Satisfying and thank you, it beats this nothingness that is the 'one-way' as after all this stuff isn't to impress people and sometimes there is something to learn.
To my eel, I sometimes keep trying to think of again reviving the other sides and even weirdness to the more dreaded sides as they're not all gullible lovable magic oaf pet-friend that you keep in a tank and it stares back at you happy everyday or as a derp. The other characters still might deserve some shine again too. People seem to love em though regardless, not sure why. Well people seem to enjoy messing around with me in real so I guess I can see why or perhaps not. They certainly aren't a blind magician however.
On roleplay it seems its not as easy as I thought to get into and acknowledge that even for pen and paper it tends to be more so close groups. There are more loose ones that are to the public with completely random assemblies but then acknowledging that many stories are rerun of something that has existed due to the envy they feel for more popular series. Almost to the point.... everyone wants to be that person and star their own including going as far to even 'doing' it. Anyway outside of the mimicry, I sort of acknowledge that yeah it takes a while not just breaking down desensitization but I just don't know it. Can see why I avoided it for a long time and that our DM sort of abandoned our game in the most courteous manner possible (thanks for letting us try though.)
Recently perhaps I have lost, yet another contact and lately I have been kinda tired of burning bridges though looking back I don't think there were ever bridges. Metaphorically then I would see that my character doesn't ask or yell across the river but instead dives through, swims, and pokes their head out in this weird acquaintanceship. Glad to see someone however truly chill the river and break this cycle, the ice is thin enough that to walk it will break and discourages mobility and there is no wood during this winter to build any bridges so. The regrets fade and become lessons to own up to.
Wasn't sure how to feel about it at first until I remembered someone rather geeky, they more so approached me than I to others and after the first few discussions I saw it in their character. It didn't take long for the days after, to be annoyed or harassed again and again and that I should of seen it coming yet as any person I guess I don't mind being open still to some attempts. However this time I saw some of those traits in myself and now feel glad that, again someone had instilled the lesson of the reality of how such an unsustainable behavior goes. Nowhere. One collaboration and then its done with not even a future promise.
Sometimes, it is them who invite you to 'their' server and hope you 'blend' in with 'their' groups and that when you show resistance, what is expected in return ends up becoming an exile or a pariah before acknowledging perhaps should of not step foot into such a house after seeing what rules it has. Hard to know them as an individual and more so when you do try to get to know them its in front of everyone else they know.
Alone, one is a dork exploring and having fun while with others its a cesspool of geeky behavior and an opening to the informal social fallacies to believe and want just to stay. No more of that, hopefully.
To the real, I acknowledge that to have a youthful face and approach those in charge how often they look for someone bright because they want a replacement. They want someone to take the throne and not through tyranny and certainly not through persuasion. Indeed how many times I have found my path spun around in multiple directions for showing such a brightness before I realized that I am narrowing down slowly perhaps surely where I do want to be. It hasn't even begun yet really and when it does, many of these mementos I may forget though happy to have solidified what I could at the time for the emotions and passion for it fades. The same words I would use to describe it can't be captured in time or the views and implications... then its all ashes. Though not an addiction to feed either for constant commissioning of artists.
Whether its a job, bricolage, and or school... when full-time hits. Everything will be a blur and almost don't even think about everything beyond that and that your distanced from your contacts and personal relations. Don't worry I have been paying attention, it does feel weird doesn't it when people set up the stage as if your rerunning a never-ending show as if your new as if you have amnesia. Just to satisfy, a jaded one who has been retained too long. Still evaluating and understanding retention and acknowledge that it comes in many forms for many occupations and it is not something to joke about. Many of the generations including the millennials, they say they recognize and even joke about: "The grind." I am glad I have had the wait I had, I know there are very few things to prepare a person but I see hints and words that seem to add up to a lot and not even holistically speaking. That literature exists as well from multiple forms and even if not all of it is true. You can notice something. Not as if it matters anyway, everytime I find someone probably worthy of exchanging discussion, there are no sources that are returned and then those who return a source if not more. Satisfying and thank you, it beats this nothingness that is the 'one-way' as after all this stuff isn't to impress people and sometimes there is something to learn.
To my eel, I sometimes keep trying to think of again reviving the other sides and even weirdness to the more dreaded sides as they're not all gullible lovable magic oaf pet-friend that you keep in a tank and it stares back at you happy everyday or as a derp. The other characters still might deserve some shine again too. People seem to love em though regardless, not sure why. Well people seem to enjoy messing around with me in real so I guess I can see why or perhaps not. They certainly aren't a blind magician however.
On roleplay it seems its not as easy as I thought to get into and acknowledge that even for pen and paper it tends to be more so close groups. There are more loose ones that are to the public with completely random assemblies but then acknowledging that many stories are rerun of something that has existed due to the envy they feel for more popular series. Almost to the point.... everyone wants to be that person and star their own including going as far to even 'doing' it. Anyway outside of the mimicry, I sort of acknowledge that yeah it takes a while not just breaking down desensitization but I just don't know it. Can see why I avoided it for a long time and that our DM sort of abandoned our game in the most courteous manner possible (thanks for letting us try though.)
"One way or another, I see many fixed onto an unyielding focus regardless of adversity and that they're equivalent to a zealot not so much the zenith. The focus, the same. The narrative, changing." - A nameless eel
Rogue Ventures into Anachronism
Posted 2 years agoLately I have been coming back to the idea of heraldic imagery and the entire coat of arms however while I had something in mind for this, a reminder of mortality has flown across and the spirits of many given the real world situation it is clear that such side gigs and hobbies may not be able to be done at least soon. Anachronism is interesting as I dive into random bits of history, the credibility of the sources vary and some are more open that they are just as uncertain. Its funny really to acknowledge what kind of occupations, studies, trades, and organizations even hold history (even if its relative to one area or another.) The separation and disparity between the types of organization sort of reveal themselves and I wonder if there's a particular strife among them while other cases cooperation depending on what it is.
There are so many views and perceptions that we can take on life with in and outside of the book. In or out of dialogue or even to just living in the moment or looking at data alone. Yet one inevitable and often reoccurring, work calls for most if not all. In the nuance of leisure...
Other than that as I acknowledge movements that have also had their own artistic endeavors, I am slowly reminded to question the reality of semiotics and whether or not symbols really are that universal to even if they can be constructed in ways you have to be trained to recognize it otherwise it comes across as nothing.
Unbeknownst of the situation with the scifi-content creator, perhaps that idea will sit in some indefinite containment though I have seen other opportunities arise and attempted to take them. So far, no luck.
As for fantasy, well a fan-art of a game I really enjoy is coming up. I enjoy the game for various reasons. There will be a short-story for it with some context relative to the game's setting though I will probably add the story later as I have yet to really flesh it out or perhaps its just spontaneous.
The direction in where to take art, I am not sure. Sometimes its a memento and other times its just really fun and it makes me wonder if I should make ideas less ambitious though some artists have been willing to take on the challenges and I thank them for that. I find it hard on my own mind to even describe these ideas.
To communication, I find it silly that I keep saying I am open yet I am still selective about people as if I am just a fish hiding in the coral reef peeking out to stare at everything that passes by if it even comes close enough then hide from most of it. I've come to the reality in terms of outreach and otherwise I will not find many out here it seems. If anything few comments and at most, more artists to observe and few to commission. (I really should stop being weird though.)
There are so many views and perceptions that we can take on life with in and outside of the book. In or out of dialogue or even to just living in the moment or looking at data alone. Yet one inevitable and often reoccurring, work calls for most if not all. In the nuance of leisure...
Other than that as I acknowledge movements that have also had their own artistic endeavors, I am slowly reminded to question the reality of semiotics and whether or not symbols really are that universal to even if they can be constructed in ways you have to be trained to recognize it otherwise it comes across as nothing.
Unbeknownst of the situation with the scifi-content creator, perhaps that idea will sit in some indefinite containment though I have seen other opportunities arise and attempted to take them. So far, no luck.
As for fantasy, well a fan-art of a game I really enjoy is coming up. I enjoy the game for various reasons. There will be a short-story for it with some context relative to the game's setting though I will probably add the story later as I have yet to really flesh it out or perhaps its just spontaneous.
The direction in where to take art, I am not sure. Sometimes its a memento and other times its just really fun and it makes me wonder if I should make ideas less ambitious though some artists have been willing to take on the challenges and I thank them for that. I find it hard on my own mind to even describe these ideas.
To communication, I find it silly that I keep saying I am open yet I am still selective about people as if I am just a fish hiding in the coral reef peeking out to stare at everything that passes by if it even comes close enough then hide from most of it. I've come to the reality in terms of outreach and otherwise I will not find many out here it seems. If anything few comments and at most, more artists to observe and few to commission. (I really should stop being weird though.)
"Ars longa, vita brevis." - Hippocrates
Removing extrinsic motivation. Acquiring self-motivation.
Posted 2 years agoMuch has changed in a span of time even when we're familiar with that 'catatonic' state of blankness during down-time or leisure. Usually I thought I would always keep going due to someone else and the obligation to them (as if their want mattered) however I have begun to realize such a feeling really didn't empower me but weakened me even. Moving away from it has been pleasant and not only that am I beginning to discover a drive even if I don't know why or what is it that is causing this feeling. One thing for sure, the story isn't the answer and that writing it hasn't helped even if its perhaps.... the idea of it that was there.
Instead of remaining in the catatonic state, I have found work and it has been fun even and that I am passively planning and learning about the world as I do it. One longing feeling that has plagued me again and again, is the search for my peers and instead of finding my peers I found people in the place where I thought my peers would be though they are completely different people entirely. Most of them do it to survive and they aren't motivated to be there and commit to it passionately which has lead me to despair however a year ago or so that I found someone digitally who is so close yet so far, I would say be considered an actual peer. This reinvigorated me and time to time these large and ambitious thoughts of creativity flowed through me with how much energy I had but recently it has been calming down so I shall let it sleep and post-pone these ambitious and colorful concepts I have for simpler ones. A hug, sometimes returns with great passion though there is sometimes little of anything after the platonic thought and that hug is not just for anyone.
Beyond that as I experience more of things I haven't experienced before. I am turning sadness into anger, anger into rage, and that rage sublimated as energy to do work itself. Actual work. To complete the job and fight off the madness that plagued me, drive off the insanity that would drive me to incomprehensible and unempathetic feelings. Replacing madness with reason and insanity to change. The interaction with others, not taken personally or at least not as personally as I used to in the past.
Instead of remaining in the catatonic state, I have found work and it has been fun even and that I am passively planning and learning about the world as I do it. One longing feeling that has plagued me again and again, is the search for my peers and instead of finding my peers I found people in the place where I thought my peers would be though they are completely different people entirely. Most of them do it to survive and they aren't motivated to be there and commit to it passionately which has lead me to despair however a year ago or so that I found someone digitally who is so close yet so far, I would say be considered an actual peer. This reinvigorated me and time to time these large and ambitious thoughts of creativity flowed through me with how much energy I had but recently it has been calming down so I shall let it sleep and post-pone these ambitious and colorful concepts I have for simpler ones. A hug, sometimes returns with great passion though there is sometimes little of anything after the platonic thought and that hug is not just for anyone.
Beyond that as I experience more of things I haven't experienced before. I am turning sadness into anger, anger into rage, and that rage sublimated as energy to do work itself. Actual work. To complete the job and fight off the madness that plagued me, drive off the insanity that would drive me to incomprehensible and unempathetic feelings. Replacing madness with reason and insanity to change. The interaction with others, not taken personally or at least not as personally as I used to in the past.
"I'm still looking for them, my peers if they even exist anyway." - A nameless eel