"Your content has been..." to no-ones' surprise...
Posted 7 months agoI think a lot of people reading my last journal realized how unhinged I sounded. I am fairly mentally stable nowadays, whatever impression I give off in things like that. That journal was the result of about 30% sleep deprivation and 3-4 months of about 70% websites and people letting me down or actively fucking with me in multiple ways. There's only so much any brain can get before they snap. So uh, in this journal I will try to calmy state the facts as much as I can after getting a coffee into my system...
So I woke up to a website and the people running it letting me down... >w< WHOD HAVE SEEN THAT ONE COMING?!
"Your content has been removed because it violates our rules which state:
Content lacking artistic merit is not permitted on FA, and includes such items as:
Content modified to be generally unviewable through use of filters, blurring, or censorship."
As you can imagine, everything I watermarked is now removed. Funny. Funny... All I did was put a slightly dark filter over those pictures and the watermark itself. I wouldn't call that "generally unviewable." I wouldn't say that hides the clearly "artistic merit" that I must've imagined putting hours and hours of my life into those pictures!
It's almost like, just go out on a crazy conspiracy limb with me here, that you didn't remove those pictures because I watermarked them... But maybe because they told people to actively go and view those works on a far less shitty malicious outdated site then yours?
Choose to believe what you believe, I can't twist your arm. ^^ I choose to take this as confirmation that FA wants your whole soul or they're not buying.
Well I'm not selling.
I have a couple of paths I could take going forward from here. None of them involve my work going up in its entire form. I could reapply the watermark in way that might be viewed as less aggressive? I could crop pictures so you're only seeing part of them and have to go elsewhere to see the full thing? I could, "in a hilariously timeless fashion" revert all my pictures to 1280xwhatever? You know FA doesn't want to move into the future, why should I with it? There's no guarantee that this wouldn't happen a second time.
So uh, right now I'm leaning more on the side of logging into my old accounts and nuking every single submission I ever put up on this site so hard that I'm not sure even furarchiver will be able to find a trace of them again.
DO NOT reply to this journal telling me "you do what you want to do." like some of you did on a previous journal. Cause I spent 4 months deciding what I wanted to do if I came back, and FA went "ACTUALLY LOL!" the moment I tried. So if you say do what I want to do... That's what I'm doing. You want me to actually put the effort in, try this again and risk another strike (like I care anymore ^^') then speak up about it now. Otherwise, consider this the final warning to FIND ME ELSEWHERE. I have linktree now, I have a discord, I have several much better sites my work is going up on in the future.
Do not say I didn't give anyone AMPLE WARNING.
So I woke up to a website and the people running it letting me down... >w< WHOD HAVE SEEN THAT ONE COMING?!
"Your content has been removed because it violates our rules which state:
Content lacking artistic merit is not permitted on FA, and includes such items as:
Content modified to be generally unviewable through use of filters, blurring, or censorship."
As you can imagine, everything I watermarked is now removed. Funny. Funny... All I did was put a slightly dark filter over those pictures and the watermark itself. I wouldn't call that "generally unviewable." I wouldn't say that hides the clearly "artistic merit" that I must've imagined putting hours and hours of my life into those pictures!
It's almost like, just go out on a crazy conspiracy limb with me here, that you didn't remove those pictures because I watermarked them... But maybe because they told people to actively go and view those works on a far less shitty malicious outdated site then yours?
Choose to believe what you believe, I can't twist your arm. ^^ I choose to take this as confirmation that FA wants your whole soul or they're not buying.
Well I'm not selling.
I have a couple of paths I could take going forward from here. None of them involve my work going up in its entire form. I could reapply the watermark in way that might be viewed as less aggressive? I could crop pictures so you're only seeing part of them and have to go elsewhere to see the full thing? I could, "in a hilariously timeless fashion" revert all my pictures to 1280xwhatever? You know FA doesn't want to move into the future, why should I with it? There's no guarantee that this wouldn't happen a second time.
So uh, right now I'm leaning more on the side of logging into my old accounts and nuking every single submission I ever put up on this site so hard that I'm not sure even furarchiver will be able to find a trace of them again.
DO NOT reply to this journal telling me "you do what you want to do." like some of you did on a previous journal. Cause I spent 4 months deciding what I wanted to do if I came back, and FA went "ACTUALLY LOL!" the moment I tried. So if you say do what I want to do... That's what I'm doing. You want me to actually put the effort in, try this again and risk another strike (like I care anymore ^^') then speak up about it now. Otherwise, consider this the final warning to FIND ME ELSEWHERE. I have linktree now, I have a discord, I have several much better sites my work is going up on in the future.
Do not say I didn't give anyone AMPLE WARNING.
You're Winner
Posted 7 months agoGo on. Admit it. You want me to say it. You want me to say I was wrong. You want me to cry and beg and come crawling back to this website to suck the dick of your almighty purple overlord. You would LOVE it.
A few weeks back, I quit twitter. I saw something on there, I won't address it directly, but one of my comics uploaded hits it a little on the nose. Surprisingly had nothing to do with daddy elum either! THOUGH ITS NOT LIKE HE'S STOPPED BEING A PATHETIC MANCHILD! But it was finally the breaking point for me, much like here. The moment I realized I would never have any kind of social career there. That no-one can save that abhorent site. That the majority of people on there are sick. You can take the X out of the twitter... You can't take the TWITTER out of the twitter. It's gone, let it burn, and let the people who propogate it burn to ash with it.
And during all of that, I did have a moment of self reflection and venting where I had to admit that yeah... Somehow, against all odds, furaffinity, the cult run morally bankrupt website you choose to make the face of this fandom... Somehow is a less hateful hurtful condesending place then twitter. Somewhere I would honestly rather upload to then twitter.
...
And I will be fucked if I give furaffinity that victory.
You want me back? You want to celebrate? Well you're getting a big fat spoonful of PHYRRIC cause I will be damned before I trust this site complacently again. I've talked about them to a mixed extent before now, but lets go over my official groundrules for return:
1: I'm not returning for social interaction. If it happens, it happens! But I'm not coming back BECAUSE of how socially bereft the alternatives are to seek out comments and "stand by for validation." I need to stop chasing that high and I will. It only demoralizes me when no-one touches my stuff.
2: No more descriptions. The only thing you are getting in the descriptions of these pictures is the link to my linktree. Maybe another link for crediting someone if required. That's the only relevant thing this site deserves to know about me and what I do.
3: No more tags. Again, maybe I'll add the occasional one to spice up the variety of life and all that, but I'm not here to be FOUND anymore. If you find me more power to you, but these sites put in the bare minimum of effort into their dogshit interfaces, so why shouldn't I?
4, and this is the big one so lean in close class: WATERMARKS. I'll tell you what, I'll be nicer here then initially planned. I will put most things up for 1 day UN-watermarked. 1 Day. Roughly 1 Day later, roughly cause I'm terrible with schedules... They go up watermarked. And they STAY up watermarked. And yes, the vast majority of what went up today on FA/DA will be watermarked tomorrow. If you don't have anything other then furaffinity... better start downloading!
And with that, maybe you noticed a pattern across all 4 of those: nudging you with the ever so plushy soft force of a sledgehammer with a claymore strapped to it... ANYWHERE but here. It's okay. I do get it. My alternatives are hardly bastions of social interaction right now...
"And if you're looking for someone to blame, you need only look in the mirror."
I said i would never stop people seeing my full body of work, and I intend to keep that true. But you're gonna have to step outside of the familiar bubble the purple people eater put you in to do it. If you can't be bothered to do that, if you are so determined to stay on this collapsing dinosaur of a last gen website run by imbeciles who will fuck you six ways from sunday the next time it's convenient...
That's not my problem anymore.
I assume you can READ it in my words. It's been 5 months. I am still angry. Just as angry as when all this started 5 months ago.
2024's gonna be FUUUUUUUUUUUUN.
A few weeks back, I quit twitter. I saw something on there, I won't address it directly, but one of my comics uploaded hits it a little on the nose. Surprisingly had nothing to do with daddy elum either! THOUGH ITS NOT LIKE HE'S STOPPED BEING A PATHETIC MANCHILD! But it was finally the breaking point for me, much like here. The moment I realized I would never have any kind of social career there. That no-one can save that abhorent site. That the majority of people on there are sick. You can take the X out of the twitter... You can't take the TWITTER out of the twitter. It's gone, let it burn, and let the people who propogate it burn to ash with it.
And during all of that, I did have a moment of self reflection and venting where I had to admit that yeah... Somehow, against all odds, furaffinity, the cult run morally bankrupt website you choose to make the face of this fandom... Somehow is a less hateful hurtful condesending place then twitter. Somewhere I would honestly rather upload to then twitter.
...
And I will be fucked if I give furaffinity that victory.
You want me back? You want to celebrate? Well you're getting a big fat spoonful of PHYRRIC cause I will be damned before I trust this site complacently again. I've talked about them to a mixed extent before now, but lets go over my official groundrules for return:
1: I'm not returning for social interaction. If it happens, it happens! But I'm not coming back BECAUSE of how socially bereft the alternatives are to seek out comments and "stand by for validation." I need to stop chasing that high and I will. It only demoralizes me when no-one touches my stuff.
2: No more descriptions. The only thing you are getting in the descriptions of these pictures is the link to my linktree. Maybe another link for crediting someone if required. That's the only relevant thing this site deserves to know about me and what I do.
3: No more tags. Again, maybe I'll add the occasional one to spice up the variety of life and all that, but I'm not here to be FOUND anymore. If you find me more power to you, but these sites put in the bare minimum of effort into their dogshit interfaces, so why shouldn't I?
4, and this is the big one so lean in close class: WATERMARKS. I'll tell you what, I'll be nicer here then initially planned. I will put most things up for 1 day UN-watermarked. 1 Day. Roughly 1 Day later, roughly cause I'm terrible with schedules... They go up watermarked. And they STAY up watermarked. And yes, the vast majority of what went up today on FA/DA will be watermarked tomorrow. If you don't have anything other then furaffinity... better start downloading!
And with that, maybe you noticed a pattern across all 4 of those: nudging you with the ever so plushy soft force of a sledgehammer with a claymore strapped to it... ANYWHERE but here. It's okay. I do get it. My alternatives are hardly bastions of social interaction right now...
"And if you're looking for someone to blame, you need only look in the mirror."
I said i would never stop people seeing my full body of work, and I intend to keep that true. But you're gonna have to step outside of the familiar bubble the purple people eater put you in to do it. If you can't be bothered to do that, if you are so determined to stay on this collapsing dinosaur of a last gen website run by imbeciles who will fuck you six ways from sunday the next time it's convenient...
That's not my problem anymore.
I assume you can READ it in my words. It's been 5 months. I am still angry. Just as angry as when all this started 5 months ago.
2024's gonna be FUUUUUUUUUUUUN.
You decide
Posted 8 months agoSo lets start with a verbatim copy-pasta of something from a journal I just put on on Deviantart:
"If I stay on them, namely DA/FA and twitter, I am going to show as much respect for these websites, going forward, as they have for their community. I am going to repost work uncensored. I am going to post whatever I damn please, be it people jerking off in barney suits or or fully sentient fully sapient feral characters sticking their giant throbbing red rockets into someone's gaping anus. I'm gonna draw TONS of on-model adult pokemon just going at it for hours likes pigs on a mudslide! (I like to think I'm good at painting a picture in more ways then one. >w<) I do not care about your craypaper banhammer anymore. I do not care about the opinion of 14 year old puritans who think I'm a zoophile and witch hunt every couple of months. I no longer care about the visibility of my SFW stuff being at risk of nuking because someone's priest collar was cutting off the blood flow to at least one of their heads that morning.
That said, I will also be signaturing a lot of stuff I didn't before, watermarking things into oblivion and linking people on these websites to places that actually DO have consistent rules, competent mods and a well designed interface. Sites that at least for NOW haven't been bitten by the brain rotting parasites that have clearly infected all others this year. I'm not going to do this because I care about art theft or AI scraping. I think I would've taken other steps by now if I felt that way, don't you? I'm doing it to make it as clear as possible to people that I do not give a shit about these sites and it is better to find me elsewhere.
If this ends in me getting banned over this... I don't care anymore. You're not IMPORTANT enough for me to care anymore."
Bit hypocritical I know, considering I find this place important enough to come back and leave this journal after saying I never would never grace it again. This site is founded on hypocrisy. This site is a veritable skyscraper held together with caste iron hypocrisy rivets and kragle, built on a bedrock of cobbled together hypocrisy that descends miles down, oozing to the brim with flowing shiny hypocrisy!
I'm just one drop.
I've sat here some nights, for a few months now, wondering if I overreacted with my last journal. That was an extreme lashing out at the fact that everyone who disagreed with the policy in june and fled this mess was more then happy to put personal ethics aside and come crawling back in latex pup-play mitts and collars to the whim of your digimon master. The moment that other site with the bird and the bullshit artist proved to be just as dumb.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat this - If you did this? I think you are dumb. I think you are on borrowed time. I think it is only a matter of a year, maybe less before they hit you with this 1-2 combo all over again. You made a MISTAKE.
And now maybe so do I again? There's just one difference to me and a lot of other artists who seem to think its business as usual: Those are my terms above. Take them or leave them.
I will never treat this site as my "primary" ever again. Outside of common decency to not do things I think are criminal, nothing is going to be held back in terms of content I upload anymore. I will be watermarking things and linking to the proper art at better locations. I'll be going back and reuploading what already exists with these features.
So with that in mind... is there any point ? There are a lot of people who HAVE told me after I left, very sensibly I think, that coming back to this site is a mistake for my mental wellbeing. That I shouldn't do it. I respect those people a lot and I don't want to prove them right in the end. I think... push comes to shove, if I put my mind to it? I COULD exist on here purely for social interaction and ignore the raging inferno all around. But is there a point in trying?
So... I'm not making this call. I'm leaving it up to my "community". Assuming it still exists. Assuming anyone's still listening to me out there in the void-touched wasteland that remains of this site - You decide.
"If I stay on them, namely DA/FA and twitter, I am going to show as much respect for these websites, going forward, as they have for their community. I am going to repost work uncensored. I am going to post whatever I damn please, be it people jerking off in barney suits or or fully sentient fully sapient feral characters sticking their giant throbbing red rockets into someone's gaping anus. I'm gonna draw TONS of on-model adult pokemon just going at it for hours likes pigs on a mudslide! (I like to think I'm good at painting a picture in more ways then one. >w<) I do not care about your craypaper banhammer anymore. I do not care about the opinion of 14 year old puritans who think I'm a zoophile and witch hunt every couple of months. I no longer care about the visibility of my SFW stuff being at risk of nuking because someone's priest collar was cutting off the blood flow to at least one of their heads that morning.
That said, I will also be signaturing a lot of stuff I didn't before, watermarking things into oblivion and linking people on these websites to places that actually DO have consistent rules, competent mods and a well designed interface. Sites that at least for NOW haven't been bitten by the brain rotting parasites that have clearly infected all others this year. I'm not going to do this because I care about art theft or AI scraping. I think I would've taken other steps by now if I felt that way, don't you? I'm doing it to make it as clear as possible to people that I do not give a shit about these sites and it is better to find me elsewhere.
If this ends in me getting banned over this... I don't care anymore. You're not IMPORTANT enough for me to care anymore."
Bit hypocritical I know, considering I find this place important enough to come back and leave this journal after saying I never would never grace it again. This site is founded on hypocrisy. This site is a veritable skyscraper held together with caste iron hypocrisy rivets and kragle, built on a bedrock of cobbled together hypocrisy that descends miles down, oozing to the brim with flowing shiny hypocrisy!
I'm just one drop.
I've sat here some nights, for a few months now, wondering if I overreacted with my last journal. That was an extreme lashing out at the fact that everyone who disagreed with the policy in june and fled this mess was more then happy to put personal ethics aside and come crawling back in latex pup-play mitts and collars to the whim of your digimon master. The moment that other site with the bird and the bullshit artist proved to be just as dumb.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat this - If you did this? I think you are dumb. I think you are on borrowed time. I think it is only a matter of a year, maybe less before they hit you with this 1-2 combo all over again. You made a MISTAKE.
And now maybe so do I again? There's just one difference to me and a lot of other artists who seem to think its business as usual: Those are my terms above. Take them or leave them.
I will never treat this site as my "primary" ever again. Outside of common decency to not do things I think are criminal, nothing is going to be held back in terms of content I upload anymore. I will be watermarking things and linking to the proper art at better locations. I'll be going back and reuploading what already exists with these features.
So with that in mind... is there any point ? There are a lot of people who HAVE told me after I left, very sensibly I think, that coming back to this site is a mistake for my mental wellbeing. That I shouldn't do it. I respect those people a lot and I don't want to prove them right in the end. I think... push comes to shove, if I put my mind to it? I COULD exist on here purely for social interaction and ignore the raging inferno all around. But is there a point in trying?
So... I'm not making this call. I'm leaving it up to my "community". Assuming it still exists. Assuming anyone's still listening to me out there in the void-touched wasteland that remains of this site - You decide.
My limit has been reached
Posted 10 months agoI promised people in discord I would try to write this journal up after one of the longest angriest rants I think I've ever gone on. Will try to be a man of my word, though a lot of it may be repeated from there...
So this is where we are, huh?
I've discovered over the last year or so that I am the kind of artist who thrives on comments. Favourites, watches, shares, I appreciate it all, but it doesn't do anything for my mental health or keep me invested in what I create. Comments do. Discussion does. I stagnate without them. That's my social endorphin rush, that's how I engage. That is the one good thing about this site. You all do that here.
Back in may/june, I made the decision that after FA pulled unquestionably the dumbest thing it's ever done, my primary account, for the time being... would be twitter. I have avoided using twitter besides the occasional person using my handle when posting their stuff. But if that kind of engagement is what I'm after, that sites sure got it in spades! There's people there, comments there, my kind of engagement there. I can ignore the toxic side and have a passing semblance of fun along the way. And I did...
For about 3 hours on july 1st.
I then spent 3 DAYS locked out of my account, unable to view or reply to anything, while people wondered why I had a hard time laughing at rate limit porn. It's only gotten worse as the month drags on. Despite the hardships, I'm still trying to stay. Trying to enjoying my time on there. Trying to find the steam to keep it going. And I wake up, logon every day, and see another person or artist I know and respect flee twitter.
Back... To furaffinity.
How fucking quickly we forget huh? Yall just forget what they said in 2014? You all just forget what they said in 2016? Yall just forget what they said TWO MONTHS AGO?
This website is cancer. Literal. It's a drug, it's bad for me, and I am addicted. I have not wanted to be associated here for nearly a decade because of the shit lack of ethics from the cult running it... But you all comment here. I tell myself every time I upload it's going to be the last, "find me elsewhere", and then I get a string of comments on it and I feel compelled to stay, to upload again.
Someone in my server told me I should stop chasing that endorphin. I'm not sure I'm the kind of person who can. It might involve me having to disappear across everything, which is getting easier and easier to do. Nearly every website available on the current internet is dead, run by baboons or has some sordid fucked up history or catch behind it. Sometimes all four at once.
But this bridge burns first.
I'm done. I'm done posting here. I can't do this anymore. Sorry I can't pack up my entire lifes work and move it from one site to another on a whim every 3 weeks. I can't continue posting to a site run by repugnant fucks and try to keep a morale highground. I'm not rushing back with my tail between my legs, amongst less charitable places. I'm not praising FA as the lesser of two evils.
I'M OUT.
I'm scrapping everything again for the last time and I will try to leave this page an abandoned husk like my others. But if I get this journal up, if it doesn't get through to people, or if I can't commit myself to no longer cave in and check here... then I am deactivating. Then it's out of my hands forever.
As an aside, educating furaffinity is done, everywhere. Cancelled after 1 page, yeah that tracks for me. When I first thought that comic up, the idea was to get progressively angrier and angrier on every page until the final one where I was apathetic. Calm. At peace. Because FA is irrelevant and can no longer hurt me or you. Was half right. I can't work on it now because it's no longer coming from a place of humor. It's right back to coming from a place of anger because no-one could commit to staking the vampires' heart. Not even the vent art I've been doing lately has got me like that.
Maybe somewhere down the road I'll see the funny side again. Maybe in 10 months when neer and luffy hope you forgot again and ban feral art or babyfur or macro/micro, and you can all throw that shiny apollo beachball at my target painted head.
Find me elsewhere if I'm somewhere that can be found. Fuck this place.
So this is where we are, huh?
I've discovered over the last year or so that I am the kind of artist who thrives on comments. Favourites, watches, shares, I appreciate it all, but it doesn't do anything for my mental health or keep me invested in what I create. Comments do. Discussion does. I stagnate without them. That's my social endorphin rush, that's how I engage. That is the one good thing about this site. You all do that here.
Back in may/june, I made the decision that after FA pulled unquestionably the dumbest thing it's ever done, my primary account, for the time being... would be twitter. I have avoided using twitter besides the occasional person using my handle when posting their stuff. But if that kind of engagement is what I'm after, that sites sure got it in spades! There's people there, comments there, my kind of engagement there. I can ignore the toxic side and have a passing semblance of fun along the way. And I did...
For about 3 hours on july 1st.
I then spent 3 DAYS locked out of my account, unable to view or reply to anything, while people wondered why I had a hard time laughing at rate limit porn. It's only gotten worse as the month drags on. Despite the hardships, I'm still trying to stay. Trying to enjoying my time on there. Trying to find the steam to keep it going. And I wake up, logon every day, and see another person or artist I know and respect flee twitter.
Back... To furaffinity.
How fucking quickly we forget huh? Yall just forget what they said in 2014? You all just forget what they said in 2016? Yall just forget what they said TWO MONTHS AGO?
This website is cancer. Literal. It's a drug, it's bad for me, and I am addicted. I have not wanted to be associated here for nearly a decade because of the shit lack of ethics from the cult running it... But you all comment here. I tell myself every time I upload it's going to be the last, "find me elsewhere", and then I get a string of comments on it and I feel compelled to stay, to upload again.
Someone in my server told me I should stop chasing that endorphin. I'm not sure I'm the kind of person who can. It might involve me having to disappear across everything, which is getting easier and easier to do. Nearly every website available on the current internet is dead, run by baboons or has some sordid fucked up history or catch behind it. Sometimes all four at once.
But this bridge burns first.
I'm done. I'm done posting here. I can't do this anymore. Sorry I can't pack up my entire lifes work and move it from one site to another on a whim every 3 weeks. I can't continue posting to a site run by repugnant fucks and try to keep a morale highground. I'm not rushing back with my tail between my legs, amongst less charitable places. I'm not praising FA as the lesser of two evils.
I'M OUT.
I'm scrapping everything again for the last time and I will try to leave this page an abandoned husk like my others. But if I get this journal up, if it doesn't get through to people, or if I can't commit myself to no longer cave in and check here... then I am deactivating. Then it's out of my hands forever.
As an aside, educating furaffinity is done, everywhere. Cancelled after 1 page, yeah that tracks for me. When I first thought that comic up, the idea was to get progressively angrier and angrier on every page until the final one where I was apathetic. Calm. At peace. Because FA is irrelevant and can no longer hurt me or you. Was half right. I can't work on it now because it's no longer coming from a place of humor. It's right back to coming from a place of anger because no-one could commit to staking the vampires' heart. Not even the vent art I've been doing lately has got me like that.
Maybe somewhere down the road I'll see the funny side again. Maybe in 10 months when neer and luffy hope you forgot again and ban feral art or babyfur or macro/micro, and you can all throw that shiny apollo beachball at my target painted head.
Find me elsewhere if I'm somewhere that can be found. Fuck this place.
7 Days a Skeptic
Posted a year ago(I'm now locked into a naming scheme where any future journals on this subject have to be named "5 days a stranger" and "6 days a sacrifice." One of those is far more ominous then the other. XD)
So I really didn't want to repeat myself across these too much, which is why I haven't made tens of them like some artists have. I don't fault them for that, this is something that needs to be talked about. So just one final reminder plans wise: One of my last journals and now my main page have links to all the other places you can find me, with some new editions like sofurry and itaku. Barring my pixiv, I'll be uploading everything I can to them, probably next month when I have a little free time on my hands again.
Humiliating Educating Furaffinity really is a real thing, it's not a throwaway joke. Thought i'd let page 0 sit in the system for a while before I addressed it. ^^ It's gonna take up a chunk of my time this month, and I apologize for that. Unfortunately some people just gotta be schooled, and its long overdue for a fluffy dalmatian teacher in the house. ^^
I'm gonna put one more page of the girafarig comic up unaltered. It feels like a good spot to take a small break from it for a month, you'll hopefully see what I mean. After that I've made the decision that if I keep posting here, (probably will despite everything,) the images will be watermarked. I think quite a few artists have hit on that as an ideal solution, bans aside we're not gonna quit FA... We're gonna STARVE it. If you want to see my works in an unaltered state you will have to go elsewhere, and slowly I expect a lot of people will.
Okay I think that's the important stuff out of the way again. Salut, possibly for the last time, and au revoir everyone.
And now scroll down a few lines for the rant portion of our program, and the alternate title for this journal: "We know."
We know.
We are not idiots. I am a fool, not an idiot. I think most of us are not blind to what's about to happen. It's the 6th for me now, dawn of the final day 24 hours remain all that jazz... June 7th rolls up. It is entirely possible that despite our best efforts to the contrary... that many of us are going to be banned tomorrow. It is also, equally, entirely possible... that absolutely nothing will happen. That this pain train will continue, unabated, until this site, and the people who run it, are dust upon the post apocalyptic earth.
We know.
We don't care.
We don't trust you.
I know I can't speak for everyone here. I can speak for myself, and I can speak for a lot of people I could name but won't. Don't really have to. We don't TRUST you FA. It's debatable we ever did. We don't trust you to know the difference between an underage child and a fully consenting adult in a fursuit. We don't trust you to know the difference between a short, elderly pokemon and one who was just born yesterday. We don't trust you to know the difference between a fully grown cartoon adult corgi character and a real life puppy. The message is loud and clear this time, you won't listen, and that's why...
WE. DO. NOT. TRUST. YOU.
You want us to forget. That's how this works. You want us to be mad for a week or so and then it all simmers down and bygones are bygones and we continue to use your shitty, horrible, stuck in 2006 site. Well... Sometimes... just sometimes... people won't forget. I'm gonna be one of those people. And I'm gonna make sure as many people as possible don't forget. In the years to come, I will STILL be talking and reminding people about the time you so royally shat your bed that it's amazing you're not sitting in a courthouse right now.
I'll be seeing ya. >:3
So I really didn't want to repeat myself across these too much, which is why I haven't made tens of them like some artists have. I don't fault them for that, this is something that needs to be talked about. So just one final reminder plans wise: One of my last journals and now my main page have links to all the other places you can find me, with some new editions like sofurry and itaku. Barring my pixiv, I'll be uploading everything I can to them, probably next month when I have a little free time on my hands again.
I'm gonna put one more page of the girafarig comic up unaltered. It feels like a good spot to take a small break from it for a month, you'll hopefully see what I mean. After that I've made the decision that if I keep posting here, (probably will despite everything,) the images will be watermarked. I think quite a few artists have hit on that as an ideal solution, bans aside we're not gonna quit FA... We're gonna STARVE it. If you want to see my works in an unaltered state you will have to go elsewhere, and slowly I expect a lot of people will.
Okay I think that's the important stuff out of the way again. Salut, possibly for the last time, and au revoir everyone.
And now scroll down a few lines for the rant portion of our program, and the alternate title for this journal: "We know."
We know.
We are not idiots. I am a fool, not an idiot. I think most of us are not blind to what's about to happen. It's the 6th for me now, dawn of the final day 24 hours remain all that jazz... June 7th rolls up. It is entirely possible that despite our best efforts to the contrary... that many of us are going to be banned tomorrow. It is also, equally, entirely possible... that absolutely nothing will happen. That this pain train will continue, unabated, until this site, and the people who run it, are dust upon the post apocalyptic earth.
We know.
We don't care.
We don't trust you.
I know I can't speak for everyone here. I can speak for myself, and I can speak for a lot of people I could name but won't. Don't really have to. We don't TRUST you FA. It's debatable we ever did. We don't trust you to know the difference between an underage child and a fully consenting adult in a fursuit. We don't trust you to know the difference between a short, elderly pokemon and one who was just born yesterday. We don't trust you to know the difference between a fully grown cartoon adult corgi character and a real life puppy. The message is loud and clear this time, you won't listen, and that's why...
WE. DO. NOT. TRUST. YOU.
You want us to forget. That's how this works. You want us to be mad for a week or so and then it all simmers down and bygones are bygones and we continue to use your shitty, horrible, stuck in 2006 site. Well... Sometimes... just sometimes... people won't forget. I'm gonna be one of those people. And I'm gonna make sure as many people as possible don't forget. In the years to come, I will STILL be talking and reminding people about the time you so royally shat your bed that it's amazing you're not sitting in a courthouse right now.
I'll be seeing ya. >:3
It's been only FIVE DAYS!
Posted a year agoSo if you've somehow been living under a rock, let me see if I can summarize, as succinctly for you as I can, the 5 day long dillnado that's been going down on FA. This is all real btw! This is not me simply telling a narrative, multiple people have screenshot evidence of everything I'm about to say. You ready? Lets kill some braincells peeps:
1: FA announces that in order to stop CP (including the typical "kids body but a 500 year old vampice schtick") from showing up, they're going to ban all short people who look like kids including most pokemon and digimon.
Reaction: People start leaving the site.
2: FA notices this, and retracts. They say they're not going to ban small people, just children in sexual situations, (funny that wasn't ALREADY banned?) and they don't have a blanket list of pokemon and digimon they will always ban.
Reaction: Nobody trusts them and continue leaving the site.
3: FA posts a third journal retraction going "SURPRISE BUTTSEX! We actually are banning short people, here's that blanket list of pokemon we said we wouldn't ban and we actually will. Oh and btw 13 year old boys being TF'ed into pregnant eevees that eat people is completely SFW and you can upload as much of that as you want.
Reaction: People throw up in their mouths a bit, air all the staffs dirty laundry and hypocrisy, laugh at the sheer fucking lunacy of those statements, and continue leaving the site.
4: FA since they just cant fucking control themselves post another retraction, saying the pregnant 13 year olds rule was horribly worded and we're changing it to save face. Everything else though still stands, so if you're short we'll ban you but you can eat as many kids as you want in SFW art. We're a real brothers grimm in this bitch.
Reaction: People continue leaving the site.
You starting to see the pattern emerge here?
It's not going away. As I continue to watch artist after artist I've known, admired, become friends with, become patrons of... watch what they built up get torn to bits around them by fools... This is not something that people will forget about in a week. Not anymore FA.
I am gonna have one final journal elaborating on my actual feelings, (I THINK?! I could ride this dildurricaine for the entire next month if I really wanted to but I REALLY got more important shit to do, so lets keep it relevant for now...) but I just had to summarize that down on paper. I've been saying it over and over in my head for the past few days and I mean... When you put it all like that... It's a pretty fucking demented train ride isn't it?
There are some really inept people out there trying to sell the narrative right now that everyone leaving FA or scared they're going to be kicked off FA are a bunch of P words and we're all mad we're having our stashes of cub art taken away. I don't know if they're shills, FA+ supporters or just braindead in general, but no.
We're not mad at that. We'd be HAPPY to see that go. You have a combined 3 braincells so you will never understand or believe that but the vast majority of us WANT THAT GONE. We'd be happy.
We're mad at update #3. We're still mad at update #3. We're mad that FA staff thought THAT... THAAAAAAT... was a smart thing to publish.
1: FA announces that in order to stop CP (including the typical "kids body but a 500 year old vampice schtick") from showing up, they're going to ban all short people who look like kids including most pokemon and digimon.
Reaction: People start leaving the site.
2: FA notices this, and retracts. They say they're not going to ban small people, just children in sexual situations, (funny that wasn't ALREADY banned?) and they don't have a blanket list of pokemon and digimon they will always ban.
Reaction: Nobody trusts them and continue leaving the site.
3: FA posts a third journal retraction going "SURPRISE BUTTSEX! We actually are banning short people, here's that blanket list of pokemon we said we wouldn't ban and we actually will. Oh and btw 13 year old boys being TF'ed into pregnant eevees that eat people is completely SFW and you can upload as much of that as you want.
Reaction: People throw up in their mouths a bit, air all the staffs dirty laundry and hypocrisy, laugh at the sheer fucking lunacy of those statements, and continue leaving the site.
4: FA since they just cant fucking control themselves post another retraction, saying the pregnant 13 year olds rule was horribly worded and we're changing it to save face. Everything else though still stands, so if you're short we'll ban you but you can eat as many kids as you want in SFW art. We're a real brothers grimm in this bitch.
Reaction: People continue leaving the site.
You starting to see the pattern emerge here?
It's not going away. As I continue to watch artist after artist I've known, admired, become friends with, become patrons of... watch what they built up get torn to bits around them by fools... This is not something that people will forget about in a week. Not anymore FA.
I am gonna have one final journal elaborating on my actual feelings, (I THINK?! I could ride this dildurricaine for the entire next month if I really wanted to but I REALLY got more important shit to do, so lets keep it relevant for now...) but I just had to summarize that down on paper. I've been saying it over and over in my head for the past few days and I mean... When you put it all like that... It's a pretty fucking demented train ride isn't it?
There are some really inept people out there trying to sell the narrative right now that everyone leaving FA or scared they're going to be kicked off FA are a bunch of P words and we're all mad we're having our stashes of cub art taken away. I don't know if they're shills, FA+ supporters or just braindead in general, but no.
We're not mad at that. We'd be HAPPY to see that go. You have a combined 3 braincells so you will never understand or believe that but the vast majority of us WANT THAT GONE. We'd be happy.
We're mad at update #3. We're still mad at update #3. We're mad that FA staff thought THAT... THAAAAAAT... was a smart thing to publish.
Our expectations for you were low but HOLY F...
Posted a year agoYup I've seen it. Since my last journal may have confused people a bit, this time I'll make it clear completely: the latest FA update. And its revision. And it's revised revision today. This time I will actually talk about it a little bit.
For starters, other places you can find me. (These links updated June 1st, also on my profile page.)
DISCORD SERVER:https://discord.gg/dn8by6YFNM (18+ NO MINORS)
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/Draconicus_Nick
WEASYL: https://www.weasyl.com/~draconicusnick
SOFURRY: https://draconicus-nick.sofurry.com/
ITAKU: https://itaku.ee/profile/draconicus_nick
DEVIANTART: https://www.deviantart.com/draconicusnick
PIXIV: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/24080760
(Nowhere else for the time being, but that might change. Desperate times, you know?)
And now, for FA...
The comic I'm currently working on, and I still cant believe how convenient that I choose now to switch to a POKEMON themed thing... 5 pages are done. Another 10 are in the works. So lets say right now since I don't want to leave people hanging on that one: I'll get up whatever of that I have ready to go by next month. Anything else I have ready by next month can go up, probably a few little nsfw or kinky things here and there.
Come july 1st... I don't know guys. I really don't know.
I think I have to put it down in writing right now that I'm gonna be on one the lifeboats outta here. I quit this site once in the past cause I thought it was just too morally objectional. I can't pin exactly why I came back. I... I have a hunch, and I guess the good outweighed the bad, cause I know it had nothing to do with those negative elements being removed. Lo and behold here they still are, nearly 10 years later baring their shameless souls for all the world to see. Sorry "the furaffinity cycle" upload... I don't think we're coming back THIS time.
For starters, other places you can find me. (These links updated June 1st, also on my profile page.)
DISCORD SERVER:https://discord.gg/dn8by6YFNM (18+ NO MINORS)
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/Draconicus_Nick
WEASYL: https://www.weasyl.com/~draconicusnick
SOFURRY: https://draconicus-nick.sofurry.com/
ITAKU: https://itaku.ee/profile/draconicus_nick
DEVIANTART: https://www.deviantart.com/draconicusnick
PIXIV: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/24080760
(Nowhere else for the time being, but that might change. Desperate times, you know?)
And now, for FA...
The comic I'm currently working on, and I still cant believe how convenient that I choose now to switch to a POKEMON themed thing... 5 pages are done. Another 10 are in the works. So lets say right now since I don't want to leave people hanging on that one: I'll get up whatever of that I have ready to go by next month. Anything else I have ready by next month can go up, probably a few little nsfw or kinky things here and there.
Come july 1st... I don't know guys. I really don't know.
I think I have to put it down in writing right now that I'm gonna be on one the lifeboats outta here. I quit this site once in the past cause I thought it was just too morally objectional. I can't pin exactly why I came back. I... I have a hunch, and I guess the good outweighed the bad, cause I know it had nothing to do with those negative elements being removed. Lo and behold here they still are, nearly 10 years later baring their shameless souls for all the world to see. Sorry "the furaffinity cycle" upload... I don't think we're coming back THIS time.
The phanphy in the room
Posted a year ago(Just to clarify in case I did make this a little too vague, yes I am talking about the FA """update""". Update in big quotes cause I know that's not what most of us are calling it. What was that term? Oh yeah an "unmitigated disaster".)
I slept on this hoping a "clearer minds prevail" mentality would get me through writing this journal... But every time I start trying to talk about it like an elephant in the room or dance around the subject in a coy way, I feel braincells dying. So I'm just going to try and mention the important things:
1: No I'm not deleting anything or pulling a runner just yet. And against my better judgement, I will keep posting here for now, until they slap me with that hammer. Something I usually say "in jest" but even with the posted retraction, is a very real possibility in a few months time! :S
2: Am looking for alternatives again. I can never really commit to this normally, not counting the places I'm already at regularly. I feel like I could analogy this to jumping between sinking ships on a flotilla: One is a sleek, ultramodern battleship but has a captain in zulu war paint and a french maid dress, begging for your money so he can keep fighting aliens. Another is an 1800's steamboat that occasionally has escher halls and refuses to renovate to stop confusing its passengers. Another has allowed a hal-9000 robot to take total control of their daily lives and are probably going to be murdered by it and replaced by questionably legal sex robots any day now. A lot of the rest are great stable ships but they don't allow pets on board.
Is it funny that without mentioning a single one by name, yall know exactly which ones I'm talking about, donchu? :P
But before I drive this ridiculous analogy into a rogue wave... I'm looking. I'll give links out before july 1st for wherever I do start posting. It may even have to be the dreaded site no-one likes to talk about anymore for fear of the CIA watching you, but we'll see if I can settle down in greener pastures before resorting to that.
3: I'm not swaying people. I think I could. Especially other artists. I had a little bit of sway the last two times it got this bad, enough to convince some people to jump ship with me at the time. This time, I'll run my mouth. I'll fuel my ego: I think I could convince A LOT of people what to do in this situation. I could put this down very eloquently and if I wanted to sway people one way or the other, I could. We could have our own little brexit by the end of this. FREXIT.
But I'm not gonna do that. You do... what you want to do, and any of you who post art, I completely understand all 3 of the sides you've ended up on in this. If you have to stay, I hope you don't get caught in the mortal shelling. If you have to go, it will be a shame to see and I hope like me you find a better place for it, but I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. See you on the other side.
4: I'm not putting out a ticket to check my galleries. I don't see the point. I don't think anything here will trigger any snowflakes, although some future stuff might. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. But I only JUST got through my demons enough to restore the gallery on my old NCN account after scrapping the whole thing in 2019, I think. There's a lot of stuff on there I don't remember, and it could EASILY get that account nuked, and retroactively nuke this place too.
That's the thing though isn't it: The worst they can do, the only thing in this world they have the actual power to do... is ban your account.
Oh no. How tragic.
Clearly I'm not the only one unbothered with all the artists already committed to making an exit. And no I'm not trying to belittle any artists who've actually made a living here, I understand that situation and the fear and stress going with it. I however... have long since stopped caring what losing my account means in the long run. Will miss the community, but it's not 2010 anymore. There's nothing physical on this burning wreck you can't get elsewhere anymore.
I'm about 60/40. I would love to be 100% convinced this is finally the ship catching fire and going down to the depths, but I've seen this stupid situation play out before about 3x before and somehow the rat bastards struggle on. So fine. For now, I salut to trumpet music as the water rises around our legs.
Wishing you the best, as much luck as I can, and hope to see as many of you as I can come july 1st!
I slept on this hoping a "clearer minds prevail" mentality would get me through writing this journal... But every time I start trying to talk about it like an elephant in the room or dance around the subject in a coy way, I feel braincells dying. So I'm just going to try and mention the important things:
1: No I'm not deleting anything or pulling a runner just yet. And against my better judgement, I will keep posting here for now, until they slap me with that hammer. Something I usually say "in jest" but even with the posted retraction, is a very real possibility in a few months time! :S
2: Am looking for alternatives again. I can never really commit to this normally, not counting the places I'm already at regularly. I feel like I could analogy this to jumping between sinking ships on a flotilla: One is a sleek, ultramodern battleship but has a captain in zulu war paint and a french maid dress, begging for your money so he can keep fighting aliens. Another is an 1800's steamboat that occasionally has escher halls and refuses to renovate to stop confusing its passengers. Another has allowed a hal-9000 robot to take total control of their daily lives and are probably going to be murdered by it and replaced by questionably legal sex robots any day now. A lot of the rest are great stable ships but they don't allow pets on board.
Is it funny that without mentioning a single one by name, yall know exactly which ones I'm talking about, donchu? :P
But before I drive this ridiculous analogy into a rogue wave... I'm looking. I'll give links out before july 1st for wherever I do start posting. It may even have to be the dreaded site no-one likes to talk about anymore for fear of the CIA watching you, but we'll see if I can settle down in greener pastures before resorting to that.
3: I'm not swaying people. I think I could. Especially other artists. I had a little bit of sway the last two times it got this bad, enough to convince some people to jump ship with me at the time. This time, I'll run my mouth. I'll fuel my ego: I think I could convince A LOT of people what to do in this situation. I could put this down very eloquently and if I wanted to sway people one way or the other, I could. We could have our own little brexit by the end of this. FREXIT.
But I'm not gonna do that. You do... what you want to do, and any of you who post art, I completely understand all 3 of the sides you've ended up on in this. If you have to stay, I hope you don't get caught in the mortal shelling. If you have to go, it will be a shame to see and I hope like me you find a better place for it, but I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. See you on the other side.
4: I'm not putting out a ticket to check my galleries. I don't see the point. I don't think anything here will trigger any snowflakes, although some future stuff might. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. But I only JUST got through my demons enough to restore the gallery on my old NCN account after scrapping the whole thing in 2019, I think. There's a lot of stuff on there I don't remember, and it could EASILY get that account nuked, and retroactively nuke this place too.
That's the thing though isn't it: The worst they can do, the only thing in this world they have the actual power to do... is ban your account.
Oh no. How tragic.
Clearly I'm not the only one unbothered with all the artists already committed to making an exit. And no I'm not trying to belittle any artists who've actually made a living here, I understand that situation and the fear and stress going with it. I however... have long since stopped caring what losing my account means in the long run. Will miss the community, but it's not 2010 anymore. There's nothing physical on this burning wreck you can't get elsewhere anymore.
I'm about 60/40. I would love to be 100% convinced this is finally the ship catching fire and going down to the depths, but I've seen this stupid situation play out before about 3x before and somehow the rat bastards struggle on. So fine. For now, I salut to trumpet music as the water rises around our legs.
Wishing you the best, as much luck as I can, and hope to see as many of you as I can come july 1st!
A journal would probably help, huh?
Posted a year agoOk breathe, you got everything you wanted uploaded, your own body and brain isn't rebelling against the simple desire to upload those things, that little voice that screams "this is a mistake" in the background has been thrust back into the darkness BREATHE... explain. >///<
I tried to draft this journal about 8 times and the only thing I knew for sure I was going to say: "We are not going to talk about the last journal." And we're not! ...Mostly. I did read the replies I assure you, but I haven't even been able to look at it since I wrote it. So honestly, if I scared anyone or butchered my reputation by anything I said in that journal, I'm sorry. It was just the ravings of a man who had broken completely last year, I'm gonna treat it like that and that's it. Against my better judgement I won't delete it, just knowing it'll no longer be the first thing people see on my page is enough of a relief.
PLANS... CHANGE. That's all I can really think to say. The last two years I have tried as hard as I can to stick to plans I made and not one of them has gone anywhere. I take pride in being bull-headed enough to try and push through a problem no matter what, not take that fucking L. But sometimes you just stand back, look at the carnage surrounding you, and realize that it is utterly not worth the headache. So you know what? I'm not gonna do it anymore. I'm sorry if you were looking forward to a comic from me that never materialized. I'm sorry if the stuff I upload doesn't make sense until a picture I upload 3 months later finally gives it context. I'm sorry if my drawings aren't always of a consistent stellar quality on par with studio trigger.
All these things might still happen, might not. But I am no longer going to PLAN my life around them. I am simply going to draw, and see where my chaotic brain takes me. It's seemingly the only way I can function without wanting to commit die, it's the only way you're guaranteed to see consistent work out of me, so that... is the end of that.
That probably sounded flippant but no. I'll probably explain more about what got me here in the next few weeks or months. Today was me getting back on my feet, and I figured showing what I had, however little, was finally better then continued silence. If you're still hanging in there with me after all this time, I hope you like the new stuff I uploaded, I cannot overstate how much I appreciate your continued support... I want to hug you. I want to put you all in plushsuits and hug each and every one of you so you double or maybe even triple feel it. That real enough for you? :P
See you all on the flip side.
PS: there was one extra thing I wanted to say if I could fit it in: Certain websites that shall go unnamed? Websites I'm forced to use and try my darndest to make do on and enjoy my time on and socialize with good people? It would be awfully nice if you would stop the fuck imploding every 2 minutes when no-one asked you to. Especially every time I just consider coming back to them, that's really just... Mmmph, nothing does more wonders for the morale! If you could stop making me walk in on a dumpster fire because some spoilt rich kid with no friends put an electrical cable in a banana cream pie? That'd be just fucking peachy.
I tried to draft this journal about 8 times and the only thing I knew for sure I was going to say: "We are not going to talk about the last journal." And we're not! ...Mostly. I did read the replies I assure you, but I haven't even been able to look at it since I wrote it. So honestly, if I scared anyone or butchered my reputation by anything I said in that journal, I'm sorry. It was just the ravings of a man who had broken completely last year, I'm gonna treat it like that and that's it. Against my better judgement I won't delete it, just knowing it'll no longer be the first thing people see on my page is enough of a relief.
PLANS... CHANGE. That's all I can really think to say. The last two years I have tried as hard as I can to stick to plans I made and not one of them has gone anywhere. I take pride in being bull-headed enough to try and push through a problem no matter what, not take that fucking L. But sometimes you just stand back, look at the carnage surrounding you, and realize that it is utterly not worth the headache. So you know what? I'm not gonna do it anymore. I'm sorry if you were looking forward to a comic from me that never materialized. I'm sorry if the stuff I upload doesn't make sense until a picture I upload 3 months later finally gives it context. I'm sorry if my drawings aren't always of a consistent stellar quality on par with studio trigger.
All these things might still happen, might not. But I am no longer going to PLAN my life around them. I am simply going to draw, and see where my chaotic brain takes me. It's seemingly the only way I can function without wanting to commit die, it's the only way you're guaranteed to see consistent work out of me, so that... is the end of that.
That probably sounded flippant but no. I'll probably explain more about what got me here in the next few weeks or months. Today was me getting back on my feet, and I figured showing what I had, however little, was finally better then continued silence. If you're still hanging in there with me after all this time, I hope you like the new stuff I uploaded, I cannot overstate how much I appreciate your continued support... I want to hug you. I want to put you all in plushsuits and hug each and every one of you so you double or maybe even triple feel it. That real enough for you? :P
See you all on the flip side.
PS: there was one extra thing I wanted to say if I could fit it in: Certain websites that shall go unnamed? Websites I'm forced to use and try my darndest to make do on and enjoy my time on and socialize with good people? It would be awfully nice if you would stop the fuck imploding every 2 minutes when no-one asked you to. Especially every time I just consider coming back to them, that's really just... Mmmph, nothing does more wonders for the morale! If you could stop making me walk in on a dumpster fire because some spoilt rich kid with no friends put an electrical cable in a banana cream pie? That'd be just fucking peachy.
Incoherent Ramblings.
Posted 2 years ago(Update: Next day now, and this journal is a mess as is the mind that wrote it. I just dumped it all there and didn't even look to see if it made more sense. Under normal circumstances I'd probably make a new journal and I thought about taking this one down, I'll leave it up for now. Just know these are the deranged thoughts of a guy with no plan who really needs to make one somehow.)
I just tried to jump into bed and sleep all this off. Like I've done just about every other night this year. And I can't do it. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't undo... until I get this off my chest.
We are well past the promise I made that I wouldn't do venting journals on here . Thing is, when you don't vent anything anywhere for 6 months, 6+, longer, when you save face around all your friends and the people who look up to you, you end up with some shit eating you inside. That's what's coming to the surface now, and there's gonna be no coherency or structure, I'm just going to write this journal until I get everything out and my brain switches off.
(And as just an aside before I start: This is all without even going into my *family* life. That... is such a blackface aristocrats SHITSHOW CIRCUS all on it's own... that I want it to be a nonfactor in everything I'm mentioning from here on out! And to prove it I'll say nothing more about it! On we go!)
When I jumped over to this account, I had the clearest idea in my head of what I wanted to do with it. That got muddied from time to time but it didn't change: a reboot. With myself now reestablished as my dragon I was going to do a webcomic, reintroducing him, establishing some things I never did before like how he met certain characters, their relationship within the world, the kinky shennanigans they get up to. >:3 I was passionate. I have entire chapters spinning my head of this, layouts for 30+ pages at a time. Of which I have done: two. Those two images I did around july last year if the last modified dates are to be believed, and they have sat in a folder on my desktop.
And sat. And sat. And sat and sat and sat.
And I have not been able to pick up the pen and work on it at all. Despite getting everything I could need in hand, a lot of little things stalled me: Should nick be a dragon for this? Should he be a human? Should he be something entirely different? I practically have a reputation as a polymorph at this point so really wouldn't surprise anyone if I came up with a new form tomorrow which I nearly did a couple of times, but I should really commit before I start this. Jesus I know another artist who completely redesigned their characters and is now redoing every single comic page of their 60+ comic page story and I can barely commit to two. And I can't decide, so there it sits.
So I put it out of my head and tell myself fine, I was still planning to do side pictures with no connection for a while, so I'll work on some of them. You saw the results of that at the end of last year, the giant sketch dump I did because I don't want to upload 7 million unfinished pictures again. And there's the keyword: Unfinished. Make no mistake, however other people looking in look at them: Those pictues to me are sketches. Unfinished work. I want to FINISH something. What did I finish last year? Oh... Four pictures. Of variable quailty. No consistency, mixed audience results. More relieved to get them done and out then I should've been to draw them. And now I have a mountain of 30+ unfinished pictures that I should really commit to and why can't I why can't my brain just fucking do this?! Same problems above bled in, some new ones why can't I just fucking work?
And then, another funny thing happens, and everything that was already swimming in uncertainty is now tsunami'd by it: a little show comes along called 101 dalmatian street and I fall in love with it. And before I know it, my brain has conjured up an entirely new thing, nick is suddenly a dragon in dalmatian disguise, the plot is laid out for cartoon hijinks but with a twist. I have new designs I have new characters I'm sketching out pages I'm writing plotlines I'm PASSIONATE again! This solves all the problems I was having right?
Well no because three things. 1: I don't want to introduce nick a a dalmatian in the initial comic, despite many people telling me the contrary it would undermine the impact of this one. And as a result of that 2: I don't want to do this one first. Do the dragon nick one, establish things anew, then come back to this one! 3: This one would be ENTIRELY SFW. It would be jarring to put it up on my page first given what I'm known for.
So I open the two ages again, and try to start drawing those pages... And they sit and they sit, and they sit... I'm not passionate about it now. So I go back to dalmatians, and I kinda get somewhere. Things start to establish but I can't do that one first! People will think I'm abandoning all they know me for to do schmucky SFW pictures. No-one cares about schmucky sfw pictures all they want is smut. I should do smut, what smut ideas do I have, sure let's do that for an hour don't want to do that anymore I should really go back to the comic fuck it sleep. Wake up I should really do the comic, sort this folder play game do dalmatian picture get somewhere no don't do that people will think I've given up on the dragon and gonna move accounts again do more dragon stuff do dragon stuff for half an hour pictures unfinished.
Meanwhile I glance at my pm's: "Hey nick where are you miss you wondering when you'll come back?" "Hey nick when are you open for commissions again love to get something from you?" Can't do commissions now have to focus on my own stuff "Hey nick art trade? I've already drawn your part here it is. "Well shit now I've got to catch up I don't want to leave you hanging, drop everything to do art trade and sit and sit and sit and sit.... "Hey nick love your new dalmatian look I already spoke to this artist about doing something with it hey you have another new sona coming soon don't you I've got a whole 30 page comic thing planned here's the discord room..." And sit and sit and sit.... "Oh hey nick is wolves still going awoo?"
Oh yeah wolves! Meanwhile on DA and FA: Oh da just implenented a new feature that let's art thieves run the roost? Okay screw DA then guess I'm taking my business elsewhere except I don't really have elsewhere I guess I'll just stick to FA oh look at these new sites popping up maybe I'll move to them whoops! These new sites declared SFW feral art more evil then shooting krystal in the head and now their site is on fire around them. It's almost like there's a big feral contingent as part of the furry fandom who'dve thunkit?! Well it's okay I've always got low effort FA to fall back on what's that? One of my favorite artists on FA just got suspended for feral art? And another got suspended and then permabaned for drawing paw patrol pictures? Well shit there goes some of the kinky paw patrol stuff I was going to finish, and I guess those 101 dalmatian stuff. Kinda makes me wonder if my own dalmatian and dragon thigns and wolves stand any chance, well shit who could I fall back on now pixiv don't let dicks up, inkbunny wont let humans up, I really don't like twitter but they allow almost anything so long as it's not illegal, maybe today will finally be the day I start up twitter properly OH WAIT ELON MUSK JUST BOUGHT IT AND NOW EVERYONE IS EXODUSING THERE GOES TWITTER!
FUCKING............................BREATHE.
I have spent 5 months sitting in stunned silence. Saving face around anyone who I know as friends. Saying I'd talk about this but I never do. Saying nothing's bothering me when I do. I have started picture after picture and gotten nowhere and had my morale shattered multiple times, I have wanted to block people, I have wanted to deactivate my account, I have wanted to delete the giant folder mess on my hard drive and be done with this forever!
And for some reason I can't pick I haven't. I've perserverered. I've expended every possible distraction, cleaned every possible cobweb in the house and my mind, worked to avoid every possible real life shitshow, sorted every possible pain my ass folder on this pc and made sure it's backed up in digital havens in case my pc explodes!. Looked through every possible thing in the giant trail of incomplete pictures I leave in my wake until there is NOTHING left! Until all I can do is sit down at this PC and WORK THIS SHIT OUT!
And I still can't do anything.
And I cannot just collapse into bed one more night with all of this floating around in my head.
I sit here, anxiety attack after anxiety attack, doing nothing, while every other artist I look up to leaves me in the dust. But people still say they want me back. I can't see why. I can't see any way to work that doesn't involve saying fuck you to every stupid platform we're forced to broadcat on on the web, or worse, just block out everyone and everything around me entirely. I've tried that. Tried solitude. It won't work either.
I think my head is finally getting it all out and drawing to a conclusion. I thought I might finally feel like sleeping after this but I can see things aren't going to be that kind, big surprise. And if you're expecting some kinda conclusion or some point to all of this where I ask for your help, no. This is the unleaded, unspellchecked ramblings of a completely unhinged individual, it had to come out and I don't know where to go from here or what to do.
I just don't know what to do.
I just tried to jump into bed and sleep all this off. Like I've done just about every other night this year. And I can't do it. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't undo... until I get this off my chest.
We are well past the promise I made that I wouldn't do venting journals on here . Thing is, when you don't vent anything anywhere for 6 months, 6+, longer, when you save face around all your friends and the people who look up to you, you end up with some shit eating you inside. That's what's coming to the surface now, and there's gonna be no coherency or structure, I'm just going to write this journal until I get everything out and my brain switches off.
(And as just an aside before I start: This is all without even going into my *family* life. That... is such a blackface aristocrats SHITSHOW CIRCUS all on it's own... that I want it to be a nonfactor in everything I'm mentioning from here on out! And to prove it I'll say nothing more about it! On we go!)
When I jumped over to this account, I had the clearest idea in my head of what I wanted to do with it. That got muddied from time to time but it didn't change: a reboot. With myself now reestablished as my dragon I was going to do a webcomic, reintroducing him, establishing some things I never did before like how he met certain characters, their relationship within the world, the kinky shennanigans they get up to. >:3 I was passionate. I have entire chapters spinning my head of this, layouts for 30+ pages at a time. Of which I have done: two. Those two images I did around july last year if the last modified dates are to be believed, and they have sat in a folder on my desktop.
And sat. And sat. And sat and sat and sat.
And I have not been able to pick up the pen and work on it at all. Despite getting everything I could need in hand, a lot of little things stalled me: Should nick be a dragon for this? Should he be a human? Should he be something entirely different? I practically have a reputation as a polymorph at this point so really wouldn't surprise anyone if I came up with a new form tomorrow which I nearly did a couple of times, but I should really commit before I start this. Jesus I know another artist who completely redesigned their characters and is now redoing every single comic page of their 60+ comic page story and I can barely commit to two. And I can't decide, so there it sits.
So I put it out of my head and tell myself fine, I was still planning to do side pictures with no connection for a while, so I'll work on some of them. You saw the results of that at the end of last year, the giant sketch dump I did because I don't want to upload 7 million unfinished pictures again. And there's the keyword: Unfinished. Make no mistake, however other people looking in look at them: Those pictues to me are sketches. Unfinished work. I want to FINISH something. What did I finish last year? Oh... Four pictures. Of variable quailty. No consistency, mixed audience results. More relieved to get them done and out then I should've been to draw them. And now I have a mountain of 30+ unfinished pictures that I should really commit to and why can't I why can't my brain just fucking do this?! Same problems above bled in, some new ones why can't I just fucking work?
And then, another funny thing happens, and everything that was already swimming in uncertainty is now tsunami'd by it: a little show comes along called 101 dalmatian street and I fall in love with it. And before I know it, my brain has conjured up an entirely new thing, nick is suddenly a dragon in dalmatian disguise, the plot is laid out for cartoon hijinks but with a twist. I have new designs I have new characters I'm sketching out pages I'm writing plotlines I'm PASSIONATE again! This solves all the problems I was having right?
Well no because three things. 1: I don't want to introduce nick a a dalmatian in the initial comic, despite many people telling me the contrary it would undermine the impact of this one. And as a result of that 2: I don't want to do this one first. Do the dragon nick one, establish things anew, then come back to this one! 3: This one would be ENTIRELY SFW. It would be jarring to put it up on my page first given what I'm known for.
So I open the two ages again, and try to start drawing those pages... And they sit and they sit, and they sit... I'm not passionate about it now. So I go back to dalmatians, and I kinda get somewhere. Things start to establish but I can't do that one first! People will think I'm abandoning all they know me for to do schmucky SFW pictures. No-one cares about schmucky sfw pictures all they want is smut. I should do smut, what smut ideas do I have, sure let's do that for an hour don't want to do that anymore I should really go back to the comic fuck it sleep. Wake up I should really do the comic, sort this folder play game do dalmatian picture get somewhere no don't do that people will think I've given up on the dragon and gonna move accounts again do more dragon stuff do dragon stuff for half an hour pictures unfinished.
Meanwhile I glance at my pm's: "Hey nick where are you miss you wondering when you'll come back?" "Hey nick when are you open for commissions again love to get something from you?" Can't do commissions now have to focus on my own stuff "Hey nick art trade? I've already drawn your part here it is. "Well shit now I've got to catch up I don't want to leave you hanging, drop everything to do art trade and sit and sit and sit and sit.... "Hey nick love your new dalmatian look I already spoke to this artist about doing something with it hey you have another new sona coming soon don't you I've got a whole 30 page comic thing planned here's the discord room..." And sit and sit and sit.... "Oh hey nick is wolves still going awoo?"
Oh yeah wolves! Meanwhile on DA and FA: Oh da just implenented a new feature that let's art thieves run the roost? Okay screw DA then guess I'm taking my business elsewhere except I don't really have elsewhere I guess I'll just stick to FA oh look at these new sites popping up maybe I'll move to them whoops! These new sites declared SFW feral art more evil then shooting krystal in the head and now their site is on fire around them. It's almost like there's a big feral contingent as part of the furry fandom who'dve thunkit?! Well it's okay I've always got low effort FA to fall back on what's that? One of my favorite artists on FA just got suspended for feral art? And another got suspended and then permabaned for drawing paw patrol pictures? Well shit there goes some of the kinky paw patrol stuff I was going to finish, and I guess those 101 dalmatian stuff. Kinda makes me wonder if my own dalmatian and dragon thigns and wolves stand any chance, well shit who could I fall back on now pixiv don't let dicks up, inkbunny wont let humans up, I really don't like twitter but they allow almost anything so long as it's not illegal, maybe today will finally be the day I start up twitter properly OH WAIT ELON MUSK JUST BOUGHT IT AND NOW EVERYONE IS EXODUSING THERE GOES TWITTER!
FUCKING............................BREATHE.
I have spent 5 months sitting in stunned silence. Saving face around anyone who I know as friends. Saying I'd talk about this but I never do. Saying nothing's bothering me when I do. I have started picture after picture and gotten nowhere and had my morale shattered multiple times, I have wanted to block people, I have wanted to deactivate my account, I have wanted to delete the giant folder mess on my hard drive and be done with this forever!
And for some reason I can't pick I haven't. I've perserverered. I've expended every possible distraction, cleaned every possible cobweb in the house and my mind, worked to avoid every possible real life shitshow, sorted every possible pain my ass folder on this pc and made sure it's backed up in digital havens in case my pc explodes!. Looked through every possible thing in the giant trail of incomplete pictures I leave in my wake until there is NOTHING left! Until all I can do is sit down at this PC and WORK THIS SHIT OUT!
And I still can't do anything.
And I cannot just collapse into bed one more night with all of this floating around in my head.
I sit here, anxiety attack after anxiety attack, doing nothing, while every other artist I look up to leaves me in the dust. But people still say they want me back. I can't see why. I can't see any way to work that doesn't involve saying fuck you to every stupid platform we're forced to broadcat on on the web, or worse, just block out everyone and everything around me entirely. I've tried that. Tried solitude. It won't work either.
I think my head is finally getting it all out and drawing to a conclusion. I thought I might finally feel like sleeping after this but I can see things aren't going to be that kind, big surprise. And if you're expecting some kinda conclusion or some point to all of this where I ask for your help, no. This is the unleaded, unspellchecked ramblings of a completely unhinged individual, it had to come out and I don't know where to go from here or what to do.
I just don't know what to do.
Some quick things...
Posted 2 years ago(Note to self Nick: do not say "More coming tomorrow, coming in a few days coming next week..." just stop don't do it anymore. I'm pretty sure you could write algorithms with how many times I've missed a mark. >~<)
So I'm writing journals off the cuff now instead of typing them up earlier, so this might not be perfect. Its definitely gonna be one of the longer ones. >.> I kinda wanted to do this as a little Q&A thing, I might still do if people have other questions they'd really like answered? But for now I'll just get to the important stuff:
ARE YOU OPEN/TAKING COMS?
No. And I'm still deciding what to do here. >.> This was my biggest fear uploading those sketches, is people will see in the description they were commissions and think "Oh he's at it again." No, those sketches and a few others going up later are a few months old, most of them were friends things I just tried off the cuff. I'm floating around ideas at the moment from sketches only to friend commissions only to not taking them again period. It's still hard enough to keep up with my own stuff so I don't want to settle on any one of those things just yet.
ARE YOU STREAMING?
No, I think some people have noticed this. I'm really not sure I can go into the circumstances there, there's a few too many... but I've decided I just need some time away from it. Which is weird cause for the people who know me, I say I usually work better when I'm on a stream, "on the air" so to speak. That's definitely not the case right now. Just thinking about going live now is giving me anxiety as I type this, for a reason I really dont want to go into. So I'm taking a breather from it.
ARE YOU STILL DRAWING PERIOD?
I sure hope so. ^^ No seriously, I am, despite the above. The silence has been a bunch of things, but over the past few months I haven't had anything I'd consider to be in a "finished" state and its been slowly driving me insane. Time goes by so fast... So I know its not much, but the few pictures I got up the other day, just being able to say they were finished helped my mental state along in waves.
I also really didn't want to just start postings tons of sketches of half-finished ideas on here again, I still say that was the biggest mistake I made on the NCN account... but I really shouldn't undersell them either, there's a section in my discord server I post wips in and the people who have seen them always seem to react positive. So you'll see more of both soon, I'll make sure of it.
IS THAT DISCORD OPENING UP AGAIN?
Yes. Not sure when but it wont be long. I gave it a little makeover not so long ago so I'll put the link back up on my pages soon.
ARE YOU CHANGING YOU SONA/ACCOUNT AGAIN?
No. :3 Funny thing though, I am feeling a bit more positive towards my old sonas noel and what everyone's taken to calling "catnick" at this point. ^^ So I may bring them and any other cat families back as their own thing, separate to me? But future work is staying here and I'm staying a dragon, the dalmatian thing is a little side gig.
That's all the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Anything more about my main comic and the dalmatian pictures, I think that kinda needs its own journal later. Hopefully that clears some stuff up though, and if I did miss anything or you have another question, feel free to let me know.
So I'm writing journals off the cuff now instead of typing them up earlier, so this might not be perfect. Its definitely gonna be one of the longer ones. >.> I kinda wanted to do this as a little Q&A thing, I might still do if people have other questions they'd really like answered? But for now I'll just get to the important stuff:
ARE YOU OPEN/TAKING COMS?
No. And I'm still deciding what to do here. >.> This was my biggest fear uploading those sketches, is people will see in the description they were commissions and think "Oh he's at it again." No, those sketches and a few others going up later are a few months old, most of them were friends things I just tried off the cuff. I'm floating around ideas at the moment from sketches only to friend commissions only to not taking them again period. It's still hard enough to keep up with my own stuff so I don't want to settle on any one of those things just yet.
ARE YOU STREAMING?
No, I think some people have noticed this. I'm really not sure I can go into the circumstances there, there's a few too many... but I've decided I just need some time away from it. Which is weird cause for the people who know me, I say I usually work better when I'm on a stream, "on the air" so to speak. That's definitely not the case right now. Just thinking about going live now is giving me anxiety as I type this, for a reason I really dont want to go into. So I'm taking a breather from it.
ARE YOU STILL DRAWING PERIOD?
I sure hope so. ^^ No seriously, I am, despite the above. The silence has been a bunch of things, but over the past few months I haven't had anything I'd consider to be in a "finished" state and its been slowly driving me insane. Time goes by so fast... So I know its not much, but the few pictures I got up the other day, just being able to say they were finished helped my mental state along in waves.
I also really didn't want to just start postings tons of sketches of half-finished ideas on here again, I still say that was the biggest mistake I made on the NCN account... but I really shouldn't undersell them either, there's a section in my discord server I post wips in and the people who have seen them always seem to react positive. So you'll see more of both soon, I'll make sure of it.
IS THAT DISCORD OPENING UP AGAIN?
Yes. Not sure when but it wont be long. I gave it a little makeover not so long ago so I'll put the link back up on my pages soon.
ARE YOU CHANGING YOU SONA/ACCOUNT AGAIN?
No. :3 Funny thing though, I am feeling a bit more positive towards my old sonas noel and what everyone's taken to calling "catnick" at this point. ^^ So I may bring them and any other cat families back as their own thing, separate to me? But future work is staying here and I'm staying a dragon, the dalmatian thing is a little side gig.
That's all the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Anything more about my main comic and the dalmatian pictures, I think that kinda needs its own journal later. Hopefully that clears some stuff up though, and if I did miss anything or you have another question, feel free to let me know.
More coming tomorrow.
Posted 2 years agoJust to let people know I didn't forget from last time: I was planning to put up a few scrapbook sketches today but despite my best efforts, they're still not ready to show. There won't be too long of a wait on those hopefully, another day or two while I check some final stuff.
I'm still not planning to write out giant journals or big update journals again. I'm trying my hardest to do the sean murray thing, just put my head down and work, show when I actually have stuff to show. I am sorry for being a bit slow right now. If I can wrap my head around it though, tomorrow maybe I'll do a journal explaining where I am commissions/comics/etc wise. And perhaps the "spotty situation..." I feel like I'm begging people not to panic sometimes, please! I'm staying dragon, I still got dragon stuff coming, I'm not switching accounts, you're not gonna suddenly see an anthro dalmatian nick take over everywhere....
*Ominous drumbeats and extreme closeup* Unless you want him to? >:3
I'm still not planning to write out giant journals or big update journals again. I'm trying my hardest to do the sean murray thing, just put my head down and work, show when I actually have stuff to show. I am sorry for being a bit slow right now. If I can wrap my head around it though, tomorrow maybe I'll do a journal explaining where I am commissions/comics/etc wise. And perhaps the "spotty situation..." I feel like I'm begging people not to panic sometimes, please! I'm staying dragon, I still got dragon stuff coming, I'm not switching accounts, you're not gonna suddenly see an anthro dalmatian nick take over everywhere....
*Ominous drumbeats and extreme closeup* Unless you want him to? >:3
So not the glorious comeback you were expecting...
Posted 2 years agoJust that I guess. :/
When I made the new account I set myself a few ground rules. One of them was I wasn't going to write the giant sprawling 50 paragraph update journals like I did on my old one. I have discord for that now! >w< No I'm kidding. Really though: something stupid came up in real life, (what an unprecedented shock I know!) and kinda killed my ability to work again. I'm getting back into it now and you will see some finished things in the next week or so.
One of the other rules I set for myself, I might have to go back on if there's enough of a request for it: Sketches? A lot, I mean A LOT of the stuff on my old account just wasn't finished, never moved beyond proof of concepts, and I probably should've deleted it. I WILL be deleting work from this account as/if it gets updated, so I was holding back on uploading sketches period. I thought I might put them up on my twitter but I can never seem to jumpstart that for longer then a week. >///< Bottom line, would people want me to put up some unfinished or weird sketches into scraps? Just a little something to fill that ever-encroaching void?
I think that kept it quick and easy. I'll get my front page properly done up soon, and its a bit quiet nowadays but I will reopen the discord if people want to keep up with my headpsace. I do appreciate anyone who's been patient with me during this, thank you. I will get there. Peace out. ^^
When I made the new account I set myself a few ground rules. One of them was I wasn't going to write the giant sprawling 50 paragraph update journals like I did on my old one. I have discord for that now! >w< No I'm kidding. Really though: something stupid came up in real life, (what an unprecedented shock I know!) and kinda killed my ability to work again. I'm getting back into it now and you will see some finished things in the next week or so.
One of the other rules I set for myself, I might have to go back on if there's enough of a request for it: Sketches? A lot, I mean A LOT of the stuff on my old account just wasn't finished, never moved beyond proof of concepts, and I probably should've deleted it. I WILL be deleting work from this account as/if it gets updated, so I was holding back on uploading sketches period. I thought I might put them up on my twitter but I can never seem to jumpstart that for longer then a week. >///< Bottom line, would people want me to put up some unfinished or weird sketches into scraps? Just a little something to fill that ever-encroaching void?
I think that kept it quick and easy. I'll get my front page properly done up soon, and its a bit quiet nowadays but I will reopen the discord if people want to keep up with my headpsace. I do appreciate anyone who's been patient with me during this, thank you. I will get there. Peace out. ^^