I need some help.. ;-;
Posted a year agoThis kitty's in a bit of trouble financially i don't wanna get too into it for personal reasons but in short im struggling like crazy stressing really badly and i have too move very soon. So I could really use some help and I'd be very appreciative if you'd like to help. please check out the link thank you~<333
https://ko-fi.com/nuxtakidlat
https://ko-fi.com/nuxtakidlat
Some insight on things
Posted 2 years agoJust gonna lay it all out and be honest, this is going to be a rant/vent of something that has been haunting my mind for months now. I'm not looking for attention so don't think that. To give some context about how I operate, I'm quite a cold, tough skinned person who never really cries, plus being very good at controlling what things affect emotionally.
Last thing before I start, Kidlat to me is my mask, a lot of people don't know this but behind that smiling bouncy cute feline face is a very broken and upset person. Last year in February/March 2020, I attempted to take my own life but failed and if it wasn't for a good friend to kick me in the butt and pushed me to make Kidlat, I don't think I would be here. Kidlat has helped me live but her personality is what I want people to experience when around me, not my real one. She is my mask to hide what's really behind my broken self.
Now, I don't have many weaknesses or failures, but my biggest one I personally admit too is jealousy. It's something I have under control for the most part and I don't let a lot get under my skin, but some subjects and people in a particular fandom make it impossible to not get under my skin. This has honestly made me feel quite a bit unwell mentally, the energy I had has been drained away. Due to this, my go to things to do have disappeared, and lately with the thoughts flooding into my head, and not wanting leave, it has made my depression which I already struggle with, much worse and I've had a few friends worrying about me.
A lot of people in this fandom have made me feel horrible, like a virus or a plague, something you know is there but you avoid. In some cases, some peopleΒ warn others or spread false rumors regarding me which makes that horrible feeling worse. I then slip back into that hole of depression again, and lately I've asked myself more than once, "Why am I still fighting to climb out of this? Just to get hurt and kicked down again and again?" It's not a healthy mindset I have and I'm getting hurt more and more everyday just for trying to make friends, and be someone that makes you smile and laugh. But because some people wanna spread warnings and false rumors, they make what could have been a great friendship never happen. All I've ever wanted to do is make people smile, never hurt or upset anymore, and if I do I wanna correct that as soon as possible in anyway possible. If you hear anything bad about me, I can guarantee it is false, come talk to me for 10 minutes or ask me anything and I'll answer truthfully and you'll see this.
Kidlat is, and has always been, a black and cyan feline. I know there are some out there, but I have never copied anyone's character. Before Kidlat was made in 2020, she was always a black and cyan character from the moment I made her back in 09-10. If I could show you some of my crappy doodles of her you'd see what she originally was, but I actually had to change her original design to make her more unique and stand out more. Make herself her own character as other black and cyan felines had more details. I had similar eye color, stripes, and/or tail designs, so I removed and changed them to not be called a copycat but all people see is color right? They see one black and cyan feline and instead of looking deeper at all the details to see it's a much different character, they say I copied this person when in reality I changed my original design of the character.
I've been spending the past months writing down my thoughts and painful situations. It helps me get through them and I use them to make things like this to make my thoughts public, and hell one day that's probably all that'll be left of my dumb cat thoughts.
But I am extremely thankful for what I have and what good this fandom has done for me. A lot of people I call my friends have done so much for me I don't think I could ever pay them back, but I'm honored to be able to be theirs friends. I hold them close and I hope one day more people will understand that, everyone needs an adorable, loveable, dumb cat to make them laugh.
If you've read all this and survived, I thank you very much. I don't do this often but when I do, I've hit the breaking point and spend a few hours writing up things like this. I think that's all I need to say for now, I adore all of you my lovely fuzzballs
Love Kidlat~ <3
Last thing before I start, Kidlat to me is my mask, a lot of people don't know this but behind that smiling bouncy cute feline face is a very broken and upset person. Last year in February/March 2020, I attempted to take my own life but failed and if it wasn't for a good friend to kick me in the butt and pushed me to make Kidlat, I don't think I would be here. Kidlat has helped me live but her personality is what I want people to experience when around me, not my real one. She is my mask to hide what's really behind my broken self.
Now, I don't have many weaknesses or failures, but my biggest one I personally admit too is jealousy. It's something I have under control for the most part and I don't let a lot get under my skin, but some subjects and people in a particular fandom make it impossible to not get under my skin. This has honestly made me feel quite a bit unwell mentally, the energy I had has been drained away. Due to this, my go to things to do have disappeared, and lately with the thoughts flooding into my head, and not wanting leave, it has made my depression which I already struggle with, much worse and I've had a few friends worrying about me.
A lot of people in this fandom have made me feel horrible, like a virus or a plague, something you know is there but you avoid. In some cases, some peopleΒ warn others or spread false rumors regarding me which makes that horrible feeling worse. I then slip back into that hole of depression again, and lately I've asked myself more than once, "Why am I still fighting to climb out of this? Just to get hurt and kicked down again and again?" It's not a healthy mindset I have and I'm getting hurt more and more everyday just for trying to make friends, and be someone that makes you smile and laugh. But because some people wanna spread warnings and false rumors, they make what could have been a great friendship never happen. All I've ever wanted to do is make people smile, never hurt or upset anymore, and if I do I wanna correct that as soon as possible in anyway possible. If you hear anything bad about me, I can guarantee it is false, come talk to me for 10 minutes or ask me anything and I'll answer truthfully and you'll see this.
Kidlat is, and has always been, a black and cyan feline. I know there are some out there, but I have never copied anyone's character. Before Kidlat was made in 2020, she was always a black and cyan character from the moment I made her back in 09-10. If I could show you some of my crappy doodles of her you'd see what she originally was, but I actually had to change her original design to make her more unique and stand out more. Make herself her own character as other black and cyan felines had more details. I had similar eye color, stripes, and/or tail designs, so I removed and changed them to not be called a copycat but all people see is color right? They see one black and cyan feline and instead of looking deeper at all the details to see it's a much different character, they say I copied this person when in reality I changed my original design of the character.
I've been spending the past months writing down my thoughts and painful situations. It helps me get through them and I use them to make things like this to make my thoughts public, and hell one day that's probably all that'll be left of my dumb cat thoughts.
But I am extremely thankful for what I have and what good this fandom has done for me. A lot of people I call my friends have done so much for me I don't think I could ever pay them back, but I'm honored to be able to be theirs friends. I hold them close and I hope one day more people will understand that, everyone needs an adorable, loveable, dumb cat to make them laugh.
If you've read all this and survived, I thank you very much. I don't do this often but when I do, I've hit the breaking point and spend a few hours writing up things like this. I think that's all I need to say for now, I adore all of you my lovely fuzzballs
Love Kidlat~ <3
How far we've come~
Posted 3 years agoWow...almost 1k watchers and 18k views in less than a year...it blows my mind how fast Kidlat has grown. I never thought I'd get here this fast. I made Kidlat to have a face in this community and maybe have a few art pieces along the way, but thanks too all my followers and friends, my cute lil kitten has quickly grown in this fandom and I couldn't thank you more~ <333!! I wish I could hug and kiss each of you.
I have no plans of slowing down now, I'm enjoying what I'm doing too much!! =3 and I hope to make a lot more friends and collaborations in the future. I have a lot of stuff planned and in the works ;3, so keep an eye out my furballs.
But here's to 2021 and beyond and I hope you all continue to come along with me on this lil adventure.
Love you're lil kitten
Kidlat~
I have no plans of slowing down now, I'm enjoying what I'm doing too much!! =3 and I hope to make a lot more friends and collaborations in the future. I have a lot of stuff planned and in the works ;3, so keep an eye out my furballs.
But here's to 2021 and beyond and I hope you all continue to come along with me on this lil adventure.
Love you're lil kitten
Kidlat~
Happy New Year!!
Posted 3 years agoHappy new years my lovely lil fluffballs!! =3
This year has been a such a mess in real life but online it's been the best year of my life I made Kidlat something I put off for years and years but she's here now and i couldn't be happier with her love and support from all of you π½ππ
I also met so many lovely people who are now my friends and even best friends I couldn't be more happier I dunno where I'd be if it wasn't for all of you and kidlat πΏ
I didn't accomplish all my goals this year with art and such but hey 2021 will be just as great ;3 I have some great ideas i know you'll all enjoy and I have some big person goals id like to complete but only time will tell if they come true or not but hey!!
Thank you so much for being here with me I love you all so much I couldn't have asked for more you've all helped me through this year if it wasn't for Kidlat and you lot well that won't happen now ππ
Take care~be safe
Your lovely adorable silly kitty
~Kidlat~ =3
This year has been a such a mess in real life but online it's been the best year of my life I made Kidlat something I put off for years and years but she's here now and i couldn't be happier with her love and support from all of you π½ππ
I also met so many lovely people who are now my friends and even best friends I couldn't be more happier I dunno where I'd be if it wasn't for all of you and kidlat πΏ
I didn't accomplish all my goals this year with art and such but hey 2021 will be just as great ;3 I have some great ideas i know you'll all enjoy and I have some big person goals id like to complete but only time will tell if they come true or not but hey!!
Thank you so much for being here with me I love you all so much I couldn't have asked for more you've all helped me through this year if it wasn't for Kidlat and you lot well that won't happen now ππ
Take care~be safe
Your lovely adorable silly kitty
~Kidlat~ =3
Merry Christmas my lovely lil fluffballs ππ
Posted 3 years agoJust a quick note to wish you all a merry lil Christmas and a wonderful new year ππ
I won't go over what happened this year it's been a rough one for all of us but stay strong and stay safe out there ππ we can get through this pandemic use your heads and stay healthy at home =3
I love you all so very much~ you make so happy I can't put it into words <3 I feel so honoured to have met so many of you and the friends I've made who became very close friends you make me strong πΏ in my darkest time they pulled me back into the light.
I dunno where I'd be without you~ all see you all in 2021 π½ππ
Love your silly adorable kitten
Kidlat~
I won't go over what happened this year it's been a rough one for all of us but stay strong and stay safe out there ππ we can get through this pandemic use your heads and stay healthy at home =3
I love you all so very much~ you make so happy I can't put it into words <3 I feel so honoured to have met so many of you and the friends I've made who became very close friends you make me strong πΏ in my darkest time they pulled me back into the light.
I dunno where I'd be without you~ all see you all in 2021 π½ππ
Love your silly adorable kitten
Kidlat~
We've come so far together~
Posted 3 years agoLast night at some point I passed 10k views on my profile and that's shocking considering I only made my account in April. I have grown extremely fast on this platform and I can't thank you lot enough.
I'm so glad you all love kidlat and wanna see more from her and I have lots of ideas I'd love to explore and try make happen for you all to enjoy. ππ
Again thank you for 10k views and almost 700 watchers you guys and girls are awesome and I love you all π½ππ
~Love Kidlat~
I'm so glad you all love kidlat and wanna see more from her and I have lots of ideas I'd love to explore and try make happen for you all to enjoy. ππ
Again thank you for 10k views and almost 700 watchers you guys and girls are awesome and I love you all π½ππ
~Love Kidlat~
A lil insight to me
Posted 3 years agoHiya sweeties =3
I thought I'd give you some insight to the person behind kidlat
So too start off I'm a fairly open person and very approachable and kind so dont be shy or anything with me. I love to meet new people and hang out with people in games such as vrc(VRChat) and SL(second life) so lets hang out sometime hehe. I have a lot of naughty, cute and fun art ideas for future I just need to make my silly butt save money and get em done. Mentally I'm doing better I do slip into that dark place now and then but crawl my way out as best I can so hopefully fingers crossed I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. ^^
I have had problems sleeping all my life I don't feel tiredness the same way alot of you may feel it. I can go days without sleeping and when I do sleep it's only for like 4-6 hours. I have been to the doctors and they think I have insomnia but also way to much energy to boot so sleep or rest for me is nearly impossible unfortunately but I gues being awake all the time is a good thing in a way.
Lately i have found out I have a disorder called constant arousal yes that's exactly what you think it is >w> I have gone to the doctors to find out why I was constantly horny and aroused all the time and why it never goes down no matter what I did to try calm it down. Theres a link below if any of you are interested in what it is)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistent_genital_arousal_disorder
Lastly just ask me anything I'm a fairly open book so go nuts!!
~I love you all~
Kidlat
~Future plans~
Posted 3 years agoHiya everyone ^^ Just wanna take a sec and talk about my future plans and some other things
[[ Firstly ]] I wanna start doing my own ideas and slow down on YCH's. I have written down 30 of my own ideas now and its only growing so I wanna start finishing those. Ya know, adding more detail, finding people to collab with in them, and get them in Art for you enjoy~ π
[[ Secondly ]] I wanna start collabing more. I have a lot of people who wanna work with me and have my OC, Kidlat, apart of their art piece, so I'll be slowly doing those too π
[[ Thirdly ]] I have added Shinies to my profile if you'd like too support me ^^ I'm not asking you too but its there if you want. I will really appreciate it if you do π
[[ Fourthly ]] Now personally, my mental health is getting pretty bad but I am fine! Please don't worry about me, although if things get worse I will go seek professional help but till then I may be lil quiet to let my stress levels go down π
Love your cutie,
Kitty Kidlat~~ππππ
[[ Firstly ]] I wanna start doing my own ideas and slow down on YCH's. I have written down 30 of my own ideas now and its only growing so I wanna start finishing those. Ya know, adding more detail, finding people to collab with in them, and get them in Art for you enjoy~ π
[[ Secondly ]] I wanna start collabing more. I have a lot of people who wanna work with me and have my OC, Kidlat, apart of their art piece, so I'll be slowly doing those too π
[[ Thirdly ]] I have added Shinies to my profile if you'd like too support me ^^ I'm not asking you too but its there if you want. I will really appreciate it if you do π
[[ Fourthly ]] Now personally, my mental health is getting pretty bad but I am fine! Please don't worry about me, although if things get worse I will go seek professional help but till then I may be lil quiet to let my stress levels go down π
Love your cutie,
Kitty Kidlat~~ππππ
Anyone got VRChat?
Posted 4 years agoJust curious if anyone plays vrchat? I play pretty regularly and lately its gotten pretty lonely in there so just looking for more people to hang and chill with ^^
If you have VRChat and wanna add me my VRC name is - NUXTA KIDLAT
Hope to see you in there π½ππ
If you have VRChat and wanna add me my VRC name is - NUXTA KIDLAT
Hope to see you in there π½ππ