One of the worst things...
Posted a month ago...about trauma.
Is that expressing it leads others to selectively choose to avoid you,
Consciously or unconsciously.
And you cannot ascribe any sort of blame to them.
You can only wrestle with the internal dilemma.
The internal dialogue of whether or not to share.
Or to repress.
To erase.
To deny.
Become shapeless.
Become uncomplicated.
Become ideal.
Is that expressing it leads others to selectively choose to avoid you,
Consciously or unconsciously.
And you cannot ascribe any sort of blame to them.
You can only wrestle with the internal dilemma.
The internal dialogue of whether or not to share.
Or to repress.
To erase.
To deny.
Become shapeless.
Become uncomplicated.
Become ideal.
Anyone else struggle with anxiety?
Posted 3 months agoI dunno what it is, but it is the worst for me...
And it is so constant... Ranging from a minor amount that looms over you throughout the day to sudden visceral flares that last so long and warp everything around you.
I have dangled from high places, been in stress-inducing situations, but this sort of constant just feels worse.
And I don't know how to manage these days :(
I just wish the calm would come back... I wish this constant of all things could be taken away.
And it is so constant... Ranging from a minor amount that looms over you throughout the day to sudden visceral flares that last so long and warp everything around you.
I have dangled from high places, been in stress-inducing situations, but this sort of constant just feels worse.
And I don't know how to manage these days :(
I just wish the calm would come back... I wish this constant of all things could be taken away.
I think...I need a break.
Posted 7 months agoTitle. I know it is a bit ironic since I am not really around much anymore, but...I dunno. I just...don't have the energy for anything anymore.
Working another 12+ days straight in a row for the third time this year. Forgot what day of the week it was for the second time in a row.
Also pretty certain I just got scammed, again, by yet another [Country of origin shall not named] artist that "really wants to draw for you". I think I am on a list of sorts because those seem like the only notes I get nowadays. I am just a pocket. In more ways than one, I guess.
Found out a small handful of people are talking behind my back resenting me for all the art I commission. Which, on top of the decreasing engagement overall, just makes me less and less interested to post anything I get tbh. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but unfortunately every little thing seems to take a toll on me these days. I feel very inert and decrepit. But even moreso, I feel pretty hypocritical. I am no better and also resent a select few for similar-ish reasons, albeit may be a bit more than just that aspect.
I mostly hang out with just a few people on here, but tbh...when that time ends, I feel as if I haven't spent any time with anyone at all. As if that social filling so to speak never happened. Like that feeling of fulfillment in me is turned off or broken. Along with many other little wirings that have become abnormal. I hope it is just health issues, but I dunno. Sleep isn't much of a commodity these days.
I want to talk more...mingle in general. Find some way to interact without being thorned with paranoia. But...I am losing the energy to even just talk. At most I chat with that handful of people, maybe even less... One. Two... Two individuals. But it doesn't really bring me much happiness that often. It is just.......an intermission. A brief break in the silence. ...sorry...
Lately, all I can think about is purchasing a cheap used vehicle to drive around in at night and not think of anything... Just let it all fade with the railing and drown in the wind.
Working another 12+ days straight in a row for the third time this year. Forgot what day of the week it was for the second time in a row.
Also pretty certain I just got scammed, again, by yet another [Country of origin shall not named] artist that "really wants to draw for you". I think I am on a list of sorts because those seem like the only notes I get nowadays. I am just a pocket. In more ways than one, I guess.
Found out a small handful of people are talking behind my back resenting me for all the art I commission. Which, on top of the decreasing engagement overall, just makes me less and less interested to post anything I get tbh. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but unfortunately every little thing seems to take a toll on me these days. I feel very inert and decrepit. But even moreso, I feel pretty hypocritical. I am no better and also resent a select few for similar-ish reasons, albeit may be a bit more than just that aspect.
I mostly hang out with just a few people on here, but tbh...when that time ends, I feel as if I haven't spent any time with anyone at all. As if that social filling so to speak never happened. Like that feeling of fulfillment in me is turned off or broken. Along with many other little wirings that have become abnormal. I hope it is just health issues, but I dunno. Sleep isn't much of a commodity these days.
I want to talk more...mingle in general. Find some way to interact without being thorned with paranoia. But...I am losing the energy to even just talk. At most I chat with that handful of people, maybe even less... One. Two... Two individuals. But it doesn't really bring me much happiness that often. It is just.......an intermission. A brief break in the silence. ...sorry...
Lately, all I can think about is purchasing a cheap used vehicle to drive around in at night and not think of anything... Just let it all fade with the railing and drown in the wind.
Does this mean come July I'm banned/illegal?
Posted a year agoThis is worse than the time Gamefreak tried to claim ownership of me until they saw my porn
All joking aside. Hope this all ends up being a nothing burger. I can't really imagine the logistics of trying to enforce a policy that seems kinda loose as it is.
And I know this doesn't really to me given that I am not in those weird set of proportions or anything. But you never know, y'know?
Anywho. Been a lonely few years as of recent. Can't seem to find my footing socially anymore. Hope you all are having better luck. I am kind of rapidly devolving back into isolation again. No sense of belonging, so to speak. Trust issues are worsening. Severe anxiety problems suck X.X
Looking for artist
Posted a year agoHey hey.
At the moment I have a bunch of feral designs (with artwork) that I really want to turn into anthros (maybe with a small change here and there, depends). Need help finding an artist that is good at transitioning feral designs to anthro designs.
Fair warning, the designs are fairly intricate / complex.
At the moment I have a bunch of feral designs (with artwork) that I really want to turn into anthros (maybe with a small change here and there, depends). Need help finding an artist that is good at transitioning feral designs to anthro designs.
Fair warning, the designs are fairly intricate / complex.
Hey...
Posted a year agoSorry for a bit of the hiatus there... I'll try and explain as best in can in few words. But this might end up being a little jumbled.
I'm depressed. Shocker, I know. Where to even begin in this. It has been the case for far too long.
I suppose the most relevant portion has been the better part of 7 years now, shortly after I entered university and long after I graduated. Ever since then I just haven't really had any energy at all or semblance of a schedule. It is just...constant chronic fatigue... Even on the days I am physically fine and able to do physical things without much trouble, I simply have no mental energy to expend at all... It is like being in a constant fog that weighs down on your lungs and makes your brain feel so sluggish compared to what you remember of yourself prior...
This all more or less came to a head last year when I caught covid for the second time and it wreaked havoc on me for days. After it was over, I felt even greater exhaustion then I already experience and wouldn't leave a singular bit of space for too long at time. My sense of brain fog also worsened so much that I became manic about it and finally decided to visit my physician again to unload about all the issues I have been having.
Well...we tried ADHD medication (to treat the similar symptoms)... But...within months it just...didn't feel right anymore... Even from the beginning of it, I felt like I was losing much of myself in order for it to work at all and I hated the side effects that persisted after the first month... I just...couldn't bring myself to continue it after 3 and a half months and stopped using it altogether.....
We conducted a sleep study to find out that I have sleep apnea, and then I was provided a CPAP, which I am still not used to and find myself struggling to use with any kind of consistency due to my long shifts (10-12+ hours) and highly unfavorable sleep position--I sleep on my stomach. I just don't feel like I have the luxury to experiment with the equipment for days on end at the compromise of my already nonexistent sleep.
I have returned to therapy and of everything it does feel to be the only thing that is helping so far, but...it is just...it is not enough... I hardly feel as though I am arriving anywhere quickly enough... Barely able to do the things my therapist gently asks of me.
I feel like I am just living day to day watching myself waste away.
It has made...so much very difficult for me, even now I am struggling to really find the right words for this journal, but it is not the only underlying reason.
I struggle so much sometimes to be a part of the online world, this fandom and in particular the only community I can be in...
When I was 13, I was emotionally tormented and blackmailed by a legal adult for over a year... It is what more or less could be considered my first "relationship" and since then I just fundamentally don't trust people on that level. I can't. And I desperately wanted to for years... I threw myself into emotion attachment again...and again...and again... But the anxiety never goes away, and in many cases it only became/becomes worse. And that's as someone who already does not find human beings IRL to be attractive at all. On top of which I don't have any interest towards sexual intercourse. I am pretty much ace in that regard, even if my body physically wants something at times. I just don't find people or the idea of intercourse IRL enticing at all. Which is ironic considering on some level appearance does kinda matter to me(?) Just not in the sense of that kind of attraction. I don't know...it is all so difficult to explain.
When I was barely 18, someone who I had been emotionally nurturing online for a couple of years suddenly passed away and left me a heartfelt message before the fact... They were someone who considered me their surrogate mother... And ever since their passing and someone else who thought of me similarly, but turned out to be an emotionally unstable wreck that threatened me with their suicide on numerous occasions, I just haven't been much of a motherly or nurturing person any longer... I just shut down when that sort of stuff is brought up... Even people calling me "mommy" in the uwu sense makes me so uncomfortable...
Around a similar time, I was met with my first trauma towards the vore community where I first experienced chemical burn and it completely rattled me to my core. I couldn't look at things the same way. I struggled to reconcile my deeply rooted fetish vs the reality of the topic and it made me manic. And when I tried to confide in others in the community, the response I received was dismissal and mockery over and over and over. Or they tried to "fix me" by desensitizing me via repeat constant exposure (it didn't work). It made it so much worse and to this day it has me on complete edge. Even now, trying to express it all in DMs to select people felt like a massive mistake and I was still met with people immediately defending the entire community and berating me for my trauma. When it came down to listening and trying to understand what kind of turmoil I was in, people over and over chose to defend the fetish itself. It made me feel like I meant nothing. That the people who dismissed my trauma as ridiculous, not real and ret@rd3d were right.
It brought me to the point of outright state that I DESPISE the vore community, when in reality deep down I just feel so unwelcome and hated by it. And yet I am unable to leave as there is only one vore community and no other. I am split down the middle in terms of psyche between having nowhere else to go and yet I am in constant paranoia over the one I am a part of, desperately wanting for things to be different while my stomach doubles over, my head fevers and my anxiety erupts into suffocating flares. It exacerbates all of the other minor issues I have from the constant feeling that people are only interested in ogling at me (that I am just another wank and forget for them), only interested in roleplaying at my expense, that I only matter when I get art and otherwise mean nothing. I can't even bring myself to write anymore due to severe mental blocks and contribute more to the community because it hurts to think of contributing to one that has hurt me so deeply.
I just feel so estranged. I struggle with persistent isolation as it is, for years, but here it is even worse. I feel as though I have no place with which I belong. No social support net/group/system where I feel encouraged, wanted, adored and want to give back to. All of the affection doesn't feel right and my paranoia and anxiety won't let me believe that there is no ulterior motive or that I am worthwhile or that it is coming from someone who genuinely appears to be on a similar plane of existent experience as me, etc. I only ever really hang out with one person as it is and it is to the point I find it even more depressing that it is the circumstances...
People constantly refer to me as a popufur and yet I have never remotely felt like anything of the sort. Short of situations I can count on one hand for the past 8 years, I have paid for everything I have ever gotten even when I was struggling. I have never received favor or preferential treatment in the same way as other, genuine popufurs have even when they are loathsome people. Being assigned the title of popufur by people felt like a twofold dagger, that people seem to think I am something I am not or at least not experiencing, and that I am so insignificant I am not worth the experience to begin with. Meanwhile others are showered in it ad nauseam.
It feels so petty...but it is what is exacerbated...
And then the death of my father less than a couple of years ago and I still see his hunched over body lying at the end of his apartment hallway in my head. I just can't get it out... I can't stop seeing it. I can't stop breaking down when I see him in my dreams because it makes me rapidly lucid over the fact I am dreaming and that he's dead. I just wish I would stop waking up after those nights. Just get up, go to work for one more 12 hour shift, come home, and not wake up.
I just. I can't. I can't even write more of this journal at this point even though there is so much I haven't touched on at all. My mind is too jumbled.
Happy singles awareness / forever alone / whatever the fuck day.
I'm depressed. Shocker, I know. Where to even begin in this. It has been the case for far too long.
I suppose the most relevant portion has been the better part of 7 years now, shortly after I entered university and long after I graduated. Ever since then I just haven't really had any energy at all or semblance of a schedule. It is just...constant chronic fatigue... Even on the days I am physically fine and able to do physical things without much trouble, I simply have no mental energy to expend at all... It is like being in a constant fog that weighs down on your lungs and makes your brain feel so sluggish compared to what you remember of yourself prior...
This all more or less came to a head last year when I caught covid for the second time and it wreaked havoc on me for days. After it was over, I felt even greater exhaustion then I already experience and wouldn't leave a singular bit of space for too long at time. My sense of brain fog also worsened so much that I became manic about it and finally decided to visit my physician again to unload about all the issues I have been having.
Well...we tried ADHD medication (to treat the similar symptoms)... But...within months it just...didn't feel right anymore... Even from the beginning of it, I felt like I was losing much of myself in order for it to work at all and I hated the side effects that persisted after the first month... I just...couldn't bring myself to continue it after 3 and a half months and stopped using it altogether.....
We conducted a sleep study to find out that I have sleep apnea, and then I was provided a CPAP, which I am still not used to and find myself struggling to use with any kind of consistency due to my long shifts (10-12+ hours) and highly unfavorable sleep position--I sleep on my stomach. I just don't feel like I have the luxury to experiment with the equipment for days on end at the compromise of my already nonexistent sleep.
I have returned to therapy and of everything it does feel to be the only thing that is helping so far, but...it is just...it is not enough... I hardly feel as though I am arriving anywhere quickly enough... Barely able to do the things my therapist gently asks of me.
I feel like I am just living day to day watching myself waste away.
It has made...so much very difficult for me, even now I am struggling to really find the right words for this journal, but it is not the only underlying reason.
I struggle so much sometimes to be a part of the online world, this fandom and in particular the only community I can be in...
When I was 13, I was emotionally tormented and blackmailed by a legal adult for over a year... It is what more or less could be considered my first "relationship" and since then I just fundamentally don't trust people on that level. I can't. And I desperately wanted to for years... I threw myself into emotion attachment again...and again...and again... But the anxiety never goes away, and in many cases it only became/becomes worse. And that's as someone who already does not find human beings IRL to be attractive at all. On top of which I don't have any interest towards sexual intercourse. I am pretty much ace in that regard, even if my body physically wants something at times. I just don't find people or the idea of intercourse IRL enticing at all. Which is ironic considering on some level appearance does kinda matter to me(?) Just not in the sense of that kind of attraction. I don't know...it is all so difficult to explain.
When I was barely 18, someone who I had been emotionally nurturing online for a couple of years suddenly passed away and left me a heartfelt message before the fact... They were someone who considered me their surrogate mother... And ever since their passing and someone else who thought of me similarly, but turned out to be an emotionally unstable wreck that threatened me with their suicide on numerous occasions, I just haven't been much of a motherly or nurturing person any longer... I just shut down when that sort of stuff is brought up... Even people calling me "mommy" in the uwu sense makes me so uncomfortable...
Around a similar time, I was met with my first trauma towards the vore community where I first experienced chemical burn and it completely rattled me to my core. I couldn't look at things the same way. I struggled to reconcile my deeply rooted fetish vs the reality of the topic and it made me manic. And when I tried to confide in others in the community, the response I received was dismissal and mockery over and over and over. Or they tried to "fix me" by desensitizing me via repeat constant exposure (it didn't work). It made it so much worse and to this day it has me on complete edge. Even now, trying to express it all in DMs to select people felt like a massive mistake and I was still met with people immediately defending the entire community and berating me for my trauma. When it came down to listening and trying to understand what kind of turmoil I was in, people over and over chose to defend the fetish itself. It made me feel like I meant nothing. That the people who dismissed my trauma as ridiculous, not real and ret@rd3d were right.
It brought me to the point of outright state that I DESPISE the vore community, when in reality deep down I just feel so unwelcome and hated by it. And yet I am unable to leave as there is only one vore community and no other. I am split down the middle in terms of psyche between having nowhere else to go and yet I am in constant paranoia over the one I am a part of, desperately wanting for things to be different while my stomach doubles over, my head fevers and my anxiety erupts into suffocating flares. It exacerbates all of the other minor issues I have from the constant feeling that people are only interested in ogling at me (that I am just another wank and forget for them), only interested in roleplaying at my expense, that I only matter when I get art and otherwise mean nothing. I can't even bring myself to write anymore due to severe mental blocks and contribute more to the community because it hurts to think of contributing to one that has hurt me so deeply.
I just feel so estranged. I struggle with persistent isolation as it is, for years, but here it is even worse. I feel as though I have no place with which I belong. No social support net/group/system where I feel encouraged, wanted, adored and want to give back to. All of the affection doesn't feel right and my paranoia and anxiety won't let me believe that there is no ulterior motive or that I am worthwhile or that it is coming from someone who genuinely appears to be on a similar plane of existent experience as me, etc. I only ever really hang out with one person as it is and it is to the point I find it even more depressing that it is the circumstances...
People constantly refer to me as a popufur and yet I have never remotely felt like anything of the sort. Short of situations I can count on one hand for the past 8 years, I have paid for everything I have ever gotten even when I was struggling. I have never received favor or preferential treatment in the same way as other, genuine popufurs have even when they are loathsome people. Being assigned the title of popufur by people felt like a twofold dagger, that people seem to think I am something I am not or at least not experiencing, and that I am so insignificant I am not worth the experience to begin with. Meanwhile others are showered in it ad nauseam.
It feels so petty...but it is what is exacerbated...
And then the death of my father less than a couple of years ago and I still see his hunched over body lying at the end of his apartment hallway in my head. I just can't get it out... I can't stop seeing it. I can't stop breaking down when I see him in my dreams because it makes me rapidly lucid over the fact I am dreaming and that he's dead. I just wish I would stop waking up after those nights. Just get up, go to work for one more 12 hour shift, come home, and not wake up.
I just. I can't. I can't even write more of this journal at this point even though there is so much I haven't touched on at all. My mind is too jumbled.
Happy singles awareness / forever alone / whatever the fuck day.
My role in vore is Pred
Posted a year agoThis...could be seen as a continuation or followup to this journal, and I would certainly urge you to read that one first. I apologize in advance if this all seems a bit jumbled and ungainly. I am not really sure how to approach this other than through a ramble.
Recently, an individual approached me to ask if it would be okay for them to create a model after one of my forms. They noted that on my profile it says I expressly do not allow for fanart or the like without my permissions. I was very relieved that they saw that and were abiding by that. It is not a kindness that everyone has presented, unfortunately, which originally led me to putting up that disclaimer. I was initially quite young when I received my first piece of unsolicited "giftart" from someone I did not know. The...subject matter wasn't something I was interested in. Overall, the situation made me very uncomfortable and along with a couple of other bad experiences, it rooted a persisting anxiety in me. One of many to add onto the pile over the years lmao...
Regardless, I understand that there are a lot of mixed opinions on this sort of thing. For many people it is all alright because they are all characters. Elements of fiction to be tinkered with. It is all very detached for them. Nothing wrong with that perspective. It is just not the one that I hold. For me, they are not just characters or the like. They are my forms, kinda like sonas, and so it matters a great deal to me. I simply do not want for any of my selves to featured/depicted in a way that I am not comfortable with or does not fit them, and especially not without my permission/consent. I know that quite a few also feel similarly, which is one of the qualities of the fandom that I really enjoy as a whole. This sort of consensus of "receive permission first". But yes, I know that not everyone has that mindset and that is fine. It is just a difference in perspective and that's how it is. My position has not changed, so I am still very much "please ask and obtain my permissions first!"
With all that said, to arrive to the meat of this journal and why I have brought up the whole giftart/fanart vs permissions stuff, I think that at this point I just want to cement here in journal that I am pred in vore. I imagine that most have already gotten that impression from all of my recent artwork, but I wanted to clarify it all the same.
Unless stated otherwise, it should be assumed that I am the role of predator in vore. Especially in the case of artwork, where I heavily lean into using my pred forms.
To clarify, it is not that I am entirely pred only or anything. It just more depends on the form of myself involved (what sona/OC is used). Many of my forms are pred only and therefore immune to being preyed upon themselves (just how they are, please be respectful to that as I would respect your boundaries and desired role). Examples of those would include my anthro snake Salabyss, my anthro galaxyquaza (the one with hair :P), and many others.
Other of my forms are equally capable of being predator or prey, where it is more dependent on the situation or which way I am leaning at the time. An example would be my anthro sparklequaza (the bald one with a flower on their horns :P). Although I do admit that because of my pred-leaning overall, quite a few still end up being pred.
And then there are others that are virtually only ever prey. Not so much that they are incapable of being pred, but it is rather unlikely save for rare instances. An example of those would be, ironically, my feral rayquaza version. As you might guess, I do not use them quite as often anymore or obtain much artwork of them any longer given my pred-leaning inclinations. I still experience those moods, of course, mind you, but not as often as before. One of the reasons that I am finding it more and more difficult to really "trust" in occupying that role with most others, I guess? I dunno. It is difficult to explain.
Anywho, I know that I have sort of touched on that kind of stuff in this journal, but I wanted to reiterate all the same just in case. Assume that I am pred for the most part haha ~ At this point, I would just prefer to be regarded as that baseline and just feel it would be better overall. And with that, this leads into my final little topic discussion. This one relates back to the mention of the first journal at the top of this one.
Provided that I am the pred in the situation, I guess I am alright with most of whatever. That is to say, I am fine with digesting the prey if they want it, with coughing up their bones if they want it, with having it be a lot more rough and involving some slight blood and breaking of their bones and compacting on the way down, etc etc. That is essentially my final compromise with the rest of the vore community--so long as I am the pred. Be that as it may, it will still depend on my mood (I still prefer my absorption especially), given that much of those things still really aren't my personal cup of tea. Also...still no scat or anything particularly gross... Sorry, I just don't find any interest in any of that stuff. It is not "too extreme" or anything, it is just entirely unappetizing to me. Huge turnoff. Please do not involve me in anyway.
In short
1. Please still ask me for permission for any kind of giftart/fanart, etc. I am not opposed to it or anything. It is just very personal to me and I have had bad experiences from people not asking for permission first.
2. Unless stated otherwise, assume that I am predator (only). Especially in terms of art. This should be especially kept in mind for #1 or if anyone would like to get some art together in the future. While I may still end up using some of my forms that can be prey here and there, predator is generally my preferred role overall.
3. In addition to my major boundary of absorption (see first linked journal), my backstop compromise is that so long as I am the pred in the situation, I am fine with whatever. (*Still mood-dependent and NO scat/grossness). If you want to me to digest you, break your bones or cough them up, etc, then sure whatever. Just depends on muh mood at the time.
So yuh, am pred. Thanks for coming to my Pred Talk. You are allowed to leave now, or are you? u.u ~
Recently, an individual approached me to ask if it would be okay for them to create a model after one of my forms. They noted that on my profile it says I expressly do not allow for fanart or the like without my permissions. I was very relieved that they saw that and were abiding by that. It is not a kindness that everyone has presented, unfortunately, which originally led me to putting up that disclaimer. I was initially quite young when I received my first piece of unsolicited "giftart" from someone I did not know. The...subject matter wasn't something I was interested in. Overall, the situation made me very uncomfortable and along with a couple of other bad experiences, it rooted a persisting anxiety in me. One of many to add onto the pile over the years lmao...
Regardless, I understand that there are a lot of mixed opinions on this sort of thing. For many people it is all alright because they are all characters. Elements of fiction to be tinkered with. It is all very detached for them. Nothing wrong with that perspective. It is just not the one that I hold. For me, they are not just characters or the like. They are my forms, kinda like sonas, and so it matters a great deal to me. I simply do not want for any of my selves to featured/depicted in a way that I am not comfortable with or does not fit them, and especially not without my permission/consent. I know that quite a few also feel similarly, which is one of the qualities of the fandom that I really enjoy as a whole. This sort of consensus of "receive permission first". But yes, I know that not everyone has that mindset and that is fine. It is just a difference in perspective and that's how it is. My position has not changed, so I am still very much "please ask and obtain my permissions first!"
With all that said, to arrive to the meat of this journal and why I have brought up the whole giftart/fanart vs permissions stuff, I think that at this point I just want to cement here in journal that I am pred in vore. I imagine that most have already gotten that impression from all of my recent artwork, but I wanted to clarify it all the same.
Unless stated otherwise, it should be assumed that I am the role of predator in vore. Especially in the case of artwork, where I heavily lean into using my pred forms.
To clarify, it is not that I am entirely pred only or anything. It just more depends on the form of myself involved (what sona/OC is used). Many of my forms are pred only and therefore immune to being preyed upon themselves (just how they are, please be respectful to that as I would respect your boundaries and desired role). Examples of those would include my anthro snake Salabyss, my anthro galaxyquaza (the one with hair :P), and many others.
Other of my forms are equally capable of being predator or prey, where it is more dependent on the situation or which way I am leaning at the time. An example would be my anthro sparklequaza (the bald one with a flower on their horns :P). Although I do admit that because of my pred-leaning overall, quite a few still end up being pred.
And then there are others that are virtually only ever prey. Not so much that they are incapable of being pred, but it is rather unlikely save for rare instances. An example of those would be, ironically, my feral rayquaza version. As you might guess, I do not use them quite as often anymore or obtain much artwork of them any longer given my pred-leaning inclinations. I still experience those moods, of course, mind you, but not as often as before. One of the reasons that I am finding it more and more difficult to really "trust" in occupying that role with most others, I guess? I dunno. It is difficult to explain.
Anywho, I know that I have sort of touched on that kind of stuff in this journal, but I wanted to reiterate all the same just in case. Assume that I am pred for the most part haha ~ At this point, I would just prefer to be regarded as that baseline and just feel it would be better overall. And with that, this leads into my final little topic discussion. This one relates back to the mention of the first journal at the top of this one.
Provided that I am the pred in the situation, I guess I am alright with most of whatever. That is to say, I am fine with digesting the prey if they want it, with coughing up their bones if they want it, with having it be a lot more rough and involving some slight blood and breaking of their bones and compacting on the way down, etc etc. That is essentially my final compromise with the rest of the vore community--so long as I am the pred. Be that as it may, it will still depend on my mood (I still prefer my absorption especially), given that much of those things still really aren't my personal cup of tea. Also...still no scat or anything particularly gross... Sorry, I just don't find any interest in any of that stuff. It is not "too extreme" or anything, it is just entirely unappetizing to me. Huge turnoff. Please do not involve me in anyway.
In short
1. Please still ask me for permission for any kind of giftart/fanart, etc. I am not opposed to it or anything. It is just very personal to me and I have had bad experiences from people not asking for permission first.
2. Unless stated otherwise, assume that I am predator (only). Especially in terms of art. This should be especially kept in mind for #1 or if anyone would like to get some art together in the future. While I may still end up using some of my forms that can be prey here and there, predator is generally my preferred role overall.
3. In addition to my major boundary of absorption (see first linked journal), my backstop compromise is that so long as I am the pred in the situation, I am fine with whatever. (*Still mood-dependent and NO scat/grossness). If you want to me to digest you, break your bones or cough them up, etc, then sure whatever. Just depends on muh mood at the time.
So yuh, am pred. Thanks for coming to my Pred Talk. You are allowed to leave now, or are you? u.u ~
.
Posted a year agoThe feelings of it all crumbling
Relationships
Friends
Family
Hometown.
It is all in a state of tumbling
Down
Down
Down
Let it all crumble
Down.
Down.
Down.
You ever get the feeling...
Posted 2 years ago...that if you didn't post art, some people wouldn't even remember you exist?
...how some seem to only reach out to you whenever you upload something?
...or the artist you commissioned uploads it on their twitter or here or whatever?
...are we really friends if you only remember me then?
...when you remember me for an image rather than an interaction?
...I guess, it can make sense in some instances.
...when we barely talked, not much to remember.
...but, when I tried so hard to find time with you.
...yet your memory of me is worse than sporadic.
...are we really friends?
...or am I just another mental craving to satisfy?
...a fading neuron waiting to fizzle out completely.
...a memory that sometimes wishes it never was.
...how some seem to only reach out to you whenever you upload something?
...or the artist you commissioned uploads it on their twitter or here or whatever?
...are we really friends if you only remember me then?
...when you remember me for an image rather than an interaction?
...I guess, it can make sense in some instances.
...when we barely talked, not much to remember.
...but, when I tried so hard to find time with you.
...yet your memory of me is worse than sporadic.
...are we really friends?
...or am I just another mental craving to satisfy?
...a fading neuron waiting to fizzle out completely.
...a memory that sometimes wishes it never was.
Looking for available artists for a vore comic sequence
Posted 2 years agoTitle.
Looking for available artists for a vore comic sequence (or two, got lots of ideas floating around muh dumb quaza brain).
Also still looking for an open 3D modeler that is good with complex details. I would love to get into VRchat and Neos with some of y'all, buuuuut, I want to be represented by myself, my sparklequaza form. Not by some random pre-existing VRchat model xC
Looking for available artists for a vore comic sequence (or two, got lots of ideas floating around muh dumb quaza brain).
Also still looking for an open 3D modeler that is good with complex details. I would love to get into VRchat and Neos with some of y'all, buuuuut, I want to be represented by myself, my sparklequaza form. Not by some random pre-existing VRchat model xC
Thoughts that plague the mind
Posted 2 years agoI do not know if I am liked any longer.
How to be liked.
How to appeal without losing my sense of self.
How to appeal without losing boundaries.
How to make amends with the community.
Without discarding my personal feelings.
Without discarding squabbles.
Without the bitterness.
Do I want to be liked by this community?
Do I want to be liked, likeminded?
If I am not, then where I shall be?
My days run together and I forget that I am liked.
I forget that others are around me.
I forget that I have done anything with them.
Have I done anything?
Have I spent time with them?
My days run together and I forget.
I do not know.
How to be liked.
How to appeal without losing my sense of self.
How to appeal without losing boundaries.
How to make amends with the community.
Without discarding my personal feelings.
Without discarding squabbles.
Without the bitterness.
Do I want to be liked by this community?
Do I want to be liked, likeminded?
If I am not, then where I shall be?
My days run together and I forget that I am liked.
I forget that others are around me.
I forget that I have done anything with them.
Have I done anything?
Have I spent time with them?
My days run together and I forget.
I do not know.
Kinda want some coop vore coms
Posted 2 years agoHey hey all!
As the title suggests, I have an itch to potentially obtain some coop commission type stuff with you all. I shall admit that part of this is born from a little bit of pragmatism. Why dump a bunch of money on your own to obtain artwork of some creatures being eaten when you are able to gobble up your friends, right? But, it is also that I would actually prefer to consume companions as opposed to random NPCs. The former is simply more meaningful and means that the art piece will hopefully be enjoyable for us both!
With that said, please feel free to note or DM me some ideas over Telegram/Discord. As a note though, I HEAVILY lean towards being pred in artwork. Most of my forms are pred only as it is. As a result, ideas involving myself / my forms in the pred role are the ones that are going to appeal to me the most.
More specifically though, I am very interested in obtaining more pieces depicting my raptor form (Thedesseus Iravanesca or Vasca) in any one of their appearances (there are a lot haha, and I have refs for them even I haven't submitted them all yet lmao).
My raptor form Vasca (who much like many of my other forms is pred only) does tend to lean more favorably towards gobbling up unwilling prey. Even moreso than that though, I am rather interested in exploring some potentially darker scenarios.. Or rather, for those who know me very well, darker in tone/appearance. I very much enjoy when there is an air of seriousness to a scenario, which is why many of the roleplay ideas I have jotted down in the recent year have been less silly and more serious in nature. However, I love it all the more when matters are left ambiguous to a certain degree, and would be willing to aim for that alongside the darker scenario. That way, while I may lean towards those involved all being fine in the endeventually, I want to leave it free for others to interpret it otherwise. Afterall, at times it is rather tantalizing to wonder if the protagonist, in all of their smugness and arrogance, truly found themselves forever belonging to the pred that cut their adventure short, unable to leave until their new home/owner says otherwise. I have no issue being the big bad monster in a survival horror game stalking you through the corridors, withholding the fact from you that you'll be alright if you are caught. Well...maybe...depends on one's definition of "alright" I suppose aha ~ u//u
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRvTXInN5Kg
But yes, all of the above would be my current leanings or more frequent moods. Not required of course, mind you, but food for thought!
Please note that this it not free art opportunities or anything... I would prefer to split the commission price between each other. However, the percentage of split would largely depend on what is wanted + other potential factors.
For example, if you were to find and setup meeting with an artist that is willing to tackle an idea of ours, then I am more likely to offer to compensate the majority of the commission since I tend to struggle getting a hold of artists (especially ones that are available lmao).
As a final note, please do not be upset if I reject an idea D; Some simply do not mesh with myself or my forms. I shall strive to be open, but if it is an idea I am not at all interested in nor feel would be comfortable for myself or my form, then I would prefer to not force it, even if you were to offer paying a significant majority amount. It is simply not worth the discomfort that would likely ensue for both you and I D;
As the title suggests, I have an itch to potentially obtain some coop commission type stuff with you all. I shall admit that part of this is born from a little bit of pragmatism. Why dump a bunch of money on your own to obtain artwork of some creatures being eaten when you are able to gobble up your friends, right? But, it is also that I would actually prefer to consume companions as opposed to random NPCs. The former is simply more meaningful and means that the art piece will hopefully be enjoyable for us both!
With that said, please feel free to note or DM me some ideas over Telegram/Discord. As a note though, I HEAVILY lean towards being pred in artwork. Most of my forms are pred only as it is. As a result, ideas involving myself / my forms in the pred role are the ones that are going to appeal to me the most.
More specifically though, I am very interested in obtaining more pieces depicting my raptor form (Thedesseus Iravanesca or Vasca) in any one of their appearances (there are a lot haha, and I have refs for them even I haven't submitted them all yet lmao).
My raptor form Vasca (who much like many of my other forms is pred only) does tend to lean more favorably towards gobbling up unwilling prey. Even moreso than that though, I am rather interested in exploring some potentially darker scenarios.. Or rather, for those who know me very well, darker in tone/appearance. I very much enjoy when there is an air of seriousness to a scenario, which is why many of the roleplay ideas I have jotted down in the recent year have been less silly and more serious in nature. However, I love it all the more when matters are left ambiguous to a certain degree, and would be willing to aim for that alongside the darker scenario. That way, while I may lean towards those involved all being fine in the end
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRvTXInN5Kg
But yes, all of the above would be my current leanings or more frequent moods. Not required of course, mind you, but food for thought!
Please note that this it not free art opportunities or anything... I would prefer to split the commission price between each other. However, the percentage of split would largely depend on what is wanted + other potential factors.
For example, if you were to find and setup meeting with an artist that is willing to tackle an idea of ours, then I am more likely to offer to compensate the majority of the commission since I tend to struggle getting a hold of artists (especially ones that are available lmao).
As a final note, please do not be upset if I reject an idea D; Some simply do not mesh with myself or my forms. I shall strive to be open, but if it is an idea I am not at all interested in nor feel would be comfortable for myself or my form, then I would prefer to not force it, even if you were to offer paying a significant majority amount. It is simply not worth the discomfort that would likely ensue for both you and I D;
Explanation of my recent unwilling vore inclinations
Posted 2 years agoThe following is a sort of explanation regarding my recent vore inclinations in art as well as roleplay (still haven't really done any yet, but I have brainstormed quite a bit with people). Especially roleplay:
I am certain many of you have noticed. Recently, I have been more inclined towards unwilling vore situations, namely prey being unwilling (or at least appearing to be). I think that I have figured out why I have been mentally more drawn to it as well as why I have been so subconsciously resistant to things as a whole.
It largely has to do with the fact that throughout the years and even recently, if not especially recently, a significant number of people who have approached me (with some sort of ulterior motive in mind) were generally wanting to be eaten and hyper eager for it.
To the extent that as soon as they realized that it wasn't gonna happen any time soon, they cut their losses and cut ties with me, either by removing me as a contact, deleting our chat (you know who you are...and you deeply hurt me in doing so...), blowing up at me or just disabling notifications and ignoring me.
It made me feel used and has really deepened my already existing anxiety problems (hence the previous journal mentioning how I have a hard time believing in the sincerity of other people). In the end, they never cared about me or viewed me as a friend. Because of that, it has left an ingrained anxiety in me over people being hyper eager for me to consume them. Probably does not help that I have a partial disposition towards contrarianism either.
But yeah, I think that that may be the largest reason, so when someone is super willing and eager for it, it triggers that anxiety and I feel dissuaded.
As a result, I feel more pivoted towards unwilling scenarios lately because I don't have that anxiety over whether or not the prey wants it and is just using me for their own momentary jerking off and then pissing off. It is more that I just feel pivoted away and subconsciously resistant.
I have always enjoyed both quite a bit, even equally, but I suppose you could say one has been more ruined than the other lately for me.
With that said, I am going to try and work on that and myself in the future. I know that it is not the intention of everyone around me. It is just my anxiety bleeding its way into more regions of my mind.
I am certain many of you have noticed. Recently, I have been more inclined towards unwilling vore situations, namely prey being unwilling (or at least appearing to be). I think that I have figured out why I have been mentally more drawn to it as well as why I have been so subconsciously resistant to things as a whole.
It largely has to do with the fact that throughout the years and even recently, if not especially recently, a significant number of people who have approached me (with some sort of ulterior motive in mind) were generally wanting to be eaten and hyper eager for it.
To the extent that as soon as they realized that it wasn't gonna happen any time soon, they cut their losses and cut ties with me, either by removing me as a contact, deleting our chat (you know who you are...and you deeply hurt me in doing so...), blowing up at me or just disabling notifications and ignoring me.
It made me feel used and has really deepened my already existing anxiety problems (hence the previous journal mentioning how I have a hard time believing in the sincerity of other people). In the end, they never cared about me or viewed me as a friend. Because of that, it has left an ingrained anxiety in me over people being hyper eager for me to consume them. Probably does not help that I have a partial disposition towards contrarianism either.
But yeah, I think that that may be the largest reason, so when someone is super willing and eager for it, it triggers that anxiety and I feel dissuaded.
As a result, I feel more pivoted towards unwilling scenarios lately because I don't have that anxiety over whether or not the prey wants it and is just using me for their own momentary jerking off and then pissing off. It is more that I just feel pivoted away and subconsciously resistant.
I have always enjoyed both quite a bit, even equally, but I suppose you could say one has been more ruined than the other lately for me.
With that said, I am going to try and work on that and myself in the future. I know that it is not the intention of everyone around me. It is just my anxiety bleeding its way into more regions of my mind.
Good ol' Anxiety...
Posted 2 years agoThese days anxiety never seems to be too far away...
Recently so much stress hit myself all at once following a culmination of different problems that brought up many former feelings. I thought that I had been past them, but I was not and so much all came rushing back at once that it spilled over into other anxieties I had been repressing for a while and I experienced a full on anxiety attack. I haven't had one in a long time, but there I was just a week ago now in constricting pain for a little more than half an hour and then incredibly sore for two days afterwards. I ended cutting quite a few people off on a couple of platforms (none here) during the heat of it, and I probably should have done so long ago.
But a week has passed and anxiety is rearing its ugly head again...largely because it never left. For the entire week it has still been here, much closer than ever before. I have been trying to think of a way to express and put into words here, but I do not know how and am simply forcing myself to anyway.
I suffer from crippling anxiety built up over many years for different reasons. A large part being emotional abuse. Perhaps one of the greatest instances being the systematic ignoring of my existence by someone I thought I was close with and looked up to for 6 years the first time around, and then nearly 4 years thereafter. There have been many things along the way, large and small, that have fostered that anxiety and chipped away at myself from fair weather friends to continuing health issues, but I think that that particular case is one of the greatest contributors. It and similar smaller interactions have instilled in me a deep distrust of people around me. A persisting social anxiety. I find it very, very difficult to believe in the sincerity of other people. To believe that people are genuine. Believe in people. Or at least be without suspicion/fear of them. I find it easier to rationalize that people are more likely to approach and be around me because they want something from me (EX: roleplay) and as soon as they get what they want, they'll discard me without a thought or passively fade into the background in a noncommittal way so that they don't have to take any responsibility. Hell, people have already done this time and time again. It is easier to rationalize that people remember that I exist and reach out because I buy artwork, and that if I continue to buy more, then they will to continue to remember that I exist and reach out. It is so much easier to rationalize than to believe that people want to be around, want me around and want to truly be friends.
To which I do not blame them nowadays. I am not much anymore.
I struggle with lapsing interest in video games, let alone diving into ones that are widely adopted and played by those around me. Maybe one day, FF XIV...
I can't...function in group chats without feeling like I am suffocating...
My schedule doesn't align with most. Weekend night shift.
Health issues have me struggling to control mood swings and irritability. I don't want to be irritable.
But most of all, my own inabilities to focus, insecurity over having not written in so long, and fears of being used all come together to steer my mood away from things like roleplay, even if deep down I really want to.
Just never the right time. Never the right mood. Never the right idea.
Never the right time.
Never the right mood.
Never the right idea.
It is the same excuse every time. Recitation. Lines that fade a bit more. Words that hollow out a bit further. Every time they are spoken.
What am I waiting for... Why can't I move... Why can I not look up and ahead...
Maybe I am not in a rut. Maybe, the moment I look up, I'll realize that I have already sunk to the bottom of the pitfall.
No light.
No rope.
No one.
Misery without company.
I think...I am not gonna go out of my way to meet people anymore for now... If people reach out to me and want to approach and meet me. Thank you. You are sweeties. I appreciate it. I won't stop that. But...please consider why you want to meet me. Please consider whether or not you'll reach out to me on some sort of basis (not every few months or year). If not...then maybe we shouldn't meet. I am not blaming anyone. It is the internet. Online relations are a lot more transient and capricious. Changing with a violent, unpredictable wind. It is just...not a fulfilling friendship. And I know I am no better.
But....I just feel like every time I see the outline of another person at the top of the pitfall.
I can feel myself sinking just a bit further when they vanish. This hole is home.
Recently so much stress hit myself all at once following a culmination of different problems that brought up many former feelings. I thought that I had been past them, but I was not and so much all came rushing back at once that it spilled over into other anxieties I had been repressing for a while and I experienced a full on anxiety attack. I haven't had one in a long time, but there I was just a week ago now in constricting pain for a little more than half an hour and then incredibly sore for two days afterwards. I ended cutting quite a few people off on a couple of platforms (none here) during the heat of it, and I probably should have done so long ago.
But a week has passed and anxiety is rearing its ugly head again...largely because it never left. For the entire week it has still been here, much closer than ever before. I have been trying to think of a way to express and put into words here, but I do not know how and am simply forcing myself to anyway.
I suffer from crippling anxiety built up over many years for different reasons. A large part being emotional abuse. Perhaps one of the greatest instances being the systematic ignoring of my existence by someone I thought I was close with and looked up to for 6 years the first time around, and then nearly 4 years thereafter. There have been many things along the way, large and small, that have fostered that anxiety and chipped away at myself from fair weather friends to continuing health issues, but I think that that particular case is one of the greatest contributors. It and similar smaller interactions have instilled in me a deep distrust of people around me. A persisting social anxiety. I find it very, very difficult to believe in the sincerity of other people. To believe that people are genuine. Believe in people. Or at least be without suspicion/fear of them. I find it easier to rationalize that people are more likely to approach and be around me because they want something from me (EX: roleplay) and as soon as they get what they want, they'll discard me without a thought or passively fade into the background in a noncommittal way so that they don't have to take any responsibility. Hell, people have already done this time and time again. It is easier to rationalize that people remember that I exist and reach out because I buy artwork, and that if I continue to buy more, then they will to continue to remember that I exist and reach out. It is so much easier to rationalize than to believe that people want to be around, want me around and want to truly be friends.
To which I do not blame them nowadays. I am not much anymore.
I struggle with lapsing interest in video games, let alone diving into ones that are widely adopted and played by those around me. Maybe one day, FF XIV...
I can't...function in group chats without feeling like I am suffocating...
My schedule doesn't align with most. Weekend night shift.
Health issues have me struggling to control mood swings and irritability. I don't want to be irritable.
But most of all, my own inabilities to focus, insecurity over having not written in so long, and fears of being used all come together to steer my mood away from things like roleplay, even if deep down I really want to.
Just never the right time. Never the right mood. Never the right idea.
Never the right time.
Never the right mood.
Never the right idea.
It is the same excuse every time. Recitation. Lines that fade a bit more. Words that hollow out a bit further. Every time they are spoken.
What am I waiting for... Why can't I move... Why can I not look up and ahead...
Maybe I am not in a rut. Maybe, the moment I look up, I'll realize that I have already sunk to the bottom of the pitfall.
No light.
No rope.
No one.
Misery without company.
I think...I am not gonna go out of my way to meet people anymore for now... If people reach out to me and want to approach and meet me. Thank you. You are sweeties. I appreciate it. I won't stop that. But...please consider why you want to meet me. Please consider whether or not you'll reach out to me on some sort of basis (not every few months or year). If not...then maybe we shouldn't meet. I am not blaming anyone. It is the internet. Online relations are a lot more transient and capricious. Changing with a violent, unpredictable wind. It is just...not a fulfilling friendship. And I know I am no better.
But....I just feel like every time I see the outline of another person at the top of the pitfall.
I can feel myself sinking just a bit further when they vanish. This hole is home.
Minor vent.
Posted 2 years agoI wish I were not struggling so much with returning to roleplay (as well as writing) and I do apologize to all for failing in that regard.
My mood shifts too frequently... Lusting one moment. Craving story and adventure the next... Gluttony a majority of the time, but not always as pred and not always as prey. Never able to regain control and direction of my own inclinations. It is crippling.
My own self doubts loom with such reach that there is no room for any bright moment... No light to lead out from the contorting chasm.
I find it difficult to consistently read at a scheduled pace (read every day from this time to this time to completion). I tend to read in binges and then not so in equal measure, which is...not good. The only exception to this had been returning to an old, old book I read when I was much younger. I continued reading every morning before rest until I finished the book. It had not been a particularly challenging one, all things considered. But I viewed as a victory for my persistence at the time...and then I slipped back into not reading at all once again...
My most recent craving, which is not uncommon for myself, is the desire for dragon-centric ideas in (traditional) fantasy settings. Not exactly groundbreaking, but a very comfortable environment nonetheless. But even so, I am finding it difficult to even scavenge ideas from that unlacking landscape. *sigh*
Perhaps I am afraid that I won't be able to commit to one. Or that I won't be any good compared to before. Long, long before, mind you.
My mind just...shuts down. I cannot even bring myself to voice most ideas or desires in my head these days for fear of selfishly consuming too much of the discussion phase itself. Afterall, who wants to only listen on and on to the other person's wants and ideas? A shambling mess of thought that quiets the moment it is asked for its input.
My mood shifts too frequently... Lusting one moment. Craving story and adventure the next... Gluttony a majority of the time, but not always as pred and not always as prey. Never able to regain control and direction of my own inclinations. It is crippling.
My own self doubts loom with such reach that there is no room for any bright moment... No light to lead out from the contorting chasm.
I find it difficult to consistently read at a scheduled pace (read every day from this time to this time to completion). I tend to read in binges and then not so in equal measure, which is...not good. The only exception to this had been returning to an old, old book I read when I was much younger. I continued reading every morning before rest until I finished the book. It had not been a particularly challenging one, all things considered. But I viewed as a victory for my persistence at the time...and then I slipped back into not reading at all once again...
My most recent craving, which is not uncommon for myself, is the desire for dragon-centric ideas in (traditional) fantasy settings. Not exactly groundbreaking, but a very comfortable environment nonetheless. But even so, I am finding it difficult to even scavenge ideas from that unlacking landscape. *sigh*
Perhaps I am afraid that I won't be able to commit to one. Or that I won't be any good compared to before. Long, long before, mind you.
My mind just...shuts down. I cannot even bring myself to voice most ideas or desires in my head these days for fear of selfishly consuming too much of the discussion phase itself. Afterall, who wants to only listen on and on to the other person's wants and ideas? A shambling mess of thought that quiets the moment it is asked for its input.
Social disconnect cont.
Posted 2 years agoThis is more or less a continuation of the following journal:
Anyone else have this sort of social anxiety/disconnect?
In particular, the first listed disconnect. *sigh* Yet another difficult one to discuss/admit...but continuing from that one, there are instances in which it does not even have to be a famous/popular icon in the community. I have often upset people by having a non-reaction to the artwork they sent my way, even when it does not feature themselves. Although the reason for my non-reaction mostly has to do with being caught off guard and therefore unsure of how to react/feel, the social anxiety portion comes in when I do not recognize virtually any of the ones involved in the image. Once again, there are times where I find it difficult to harbor strong emotions towards those I am not familiar with. That extends to items, or in this case artwork, as well. If I am not familiar with the individuals featured in the artwork, then I generally do not have a reason to be invested. I don't quite experience that mental click as often as others, and my social anxiety from years of unpleasantness online causes me to become immediately weary and suspicious of the unfamiliar people featured. It is very, very difficult for me to be truly comfortable in most of the situations, but I do strive to relax myself.
In particular, I try my best to be welcoming to those who approach or take an interest in myself. At least, I have been trying to be that for the past year or more, but I fear I have likely failed or become too wrapped up in the ever present concern of whether or not people approaching are searching for a genuine friendship or simply want to "sex the rayquaza"...
I don't know. I am beginning to ramble and lose any coherence of my thoughts. My own mind likely treats me worse than others have. Nevertheless, there you are. A brief continuation of a former journal's point.
Anyone else have this sort of social anxiety/disconnect?
In particular, the first listed disconnect. *sigh* Yet another difficult one to discuss/admit...but continuing from that one, there are instances in which it does not even have to be a famous/popular icon in the community. I have often upset people by having a non-reaction to the artwork they sent my way, even when it does not feature themselves. Although the reason for my non-reaction mostly has to do with being caught off guard and therefore unsure of how to react/feel, the social anxiety portion comes in when I do not recognize virtually any of the ones involved in the image. Once again, there are times where I find it difficult to harbor strong emotions towards those I am not familiar with. That extends to items, or in this case artwork, as well. If I am not familiar with the individuals featured in the artwork, then I generally do not have a reason to be invested. I don't quite experience that mental click as often as others, and my social anxiety from years of unpleasantness online causes me to become immediately weary and suspicious of the unfamiliar people featured. It is very, very difficult for me to be truly comfortable in most of the situations, but I do strive to relax myself.
In particular, I try my best to be welcoming to those who approach or take an interest in myself. At least, I have been trying to be that for the past year or more, but I fear I have likely failed or become too wrapped up in the ever present concern of whether or not people approaching are searching for a genuine friendship or simply want to "sex the rayquaza"...
I don't know. I am beginning to ramble and lose any coherence of my thoughts. My own mind likely treats me worse than others have. Nevertheless, there you are. A brief continuation of a former journal's point.
Anyone else have this sort of social anxiety/disconnect?
Posted 2 years agoAdmittedly, this is a bit of a difficult journal for me to write. Primarily because I am not so sure how others shall receive it.
Regardless, I have a very difficult time experiencing that "positive click" most seem to experience when faced with certain social situations:
- Whenever someone mentions some sort of popular icon in the fandom or community. That feeling of elation or "wow" many seem to have is...frankly rather lost on me. I have a very difficult time harboring any sort of strong emotions for people I do not know on a personal level. In fact, the strongest emotion I have generally felt towards those with any level of popularity or commendation is severe anxiety. There are, in fact, a few that I recognize hold esteem in the community that I have wanted to become acquainted with. Not because I wanted any particular thing out of them. I just wanted to know them as a person because I picked up some level of similarity between them and myself. Unfortunately, in almost every case I ended up suffering severe anxiety around them. I am always afraid that if I were to somehow misstep, mistakenly come across a certain way, or otherwise, that that would somehow lead to my name being dragged through the gutter throughout the community. It has happened before on a lower level when I was much younger. It might even stem from the fact that one of the few I did admire chose to treat me as though I were so far beneath them I didn't deserve to be acknowledged. This wasn't an assumption on my part either. It was very much intentional and it shattered my confidence in other people.
- Group chats in the fandom. I know I have probably touched on this before, but I suffer a great deal of social anxiety in group chats. They are almost always lost on me. I don't feel at home in them. I never feel comfortable opening up in them. I almost never know every single (or even a handful of the) member(s) and a majority of my experiences are them being very unwelcoming, as if they were put off by a newcomer breaking their routine. There have been some rare exceptions, of course. But those are just that, exceptions. I just don't think I am built for them and yet, internally, I do want some sort of frequent group that I am able to confide in on a frequent basis. But I have almost given up on that as I am fully aware I am not effective at running such a chat. It is too many conflicting personalities to manage and I never felt comfortable policing my own companions.
- More that I have forgotten at this point.
I am probably chemically imbalanced or just offset by past experiences that had a major impact on myself. I am not always like this, but it is common enough to be distressing and I do not know how to resolve these problems. My mind seems to have a knack for tormenting myself with all sorts of nonsensical concerns, debilitating self doubts and gut wrenching put downs. I am starting to find it difficult to reach out and talk to people at all again. And that terrifies me most because, cold as might appear, I don't want to be alone. But I struggle to trust being vulnerable.
Regardless, I have a very difficult time experiencing that "positive click" most seem to experience when faced with certain social situations:
- Whenever someone mentions some sort of popular icon in the fandom or community. That feeling of elation or "wow" many seem to have is...frankly rather lost on me. I have a very difficult time harboring any sort of strong emotions for people I do not know on a personal level. In fact, the strongest emotion I have generally felt towards those with any level of popularity or commendation is severe anxiety. There are, in fact, a few that I recognize hold esteem in the community that I have wanted to become acquainted with. Not because I wanted any particular thing out of them. I just wanted to know them as a person because I picked up some level of similarity between them and myself. Unfortunately, in almost every case I ended up suffering severe anxiety around them. I am always afraid that if I were to somehow misstep, mistakenly come across a certain way, or otherwise, that that would somehow lead to my name being dragged through the gutter throughout the community. It has happened before on a lower level when I was much younger. It might even stem from the fact that one of the few I did admire chose to treat me as though I were so far beneath them I didn't deserve to be acknowledged. This wasn't an assumption on my part either. It was very much intentional and it shattered my confidence in other people.
- Group chats in the fandom. I know I have probably touched on this before, but I suffer a great deal of social anxiety in group chats. They are almost always lost on me. I don't feel at home in them. I never feel comfortable opening up in them. I almost never know every single (or even a handful of the) member(s) and a majority of my experiences are them being very unwelcoming, as if they were put off by a newcomer breaking their routine. There have been some rare exceptions, of course. But those are just that, exceptions. I just don't think I am built for them and yet, internally, I do want some sort of frequent group that I am able to confide in on a frequent basis. But I have almost given up on that as I am fully aware I am not effective at running such a chat. It is too many conflicting personalities to manage and I never felt comfortable policing my own companions.
- More that I have forgotten at this point.
I am probably chemically imbalanced or just offset by past experiences that had a major impact on myself. I am not always like this, but it is common enough to be distressing and I do not know how to resolve these problems. My mind seems to have a knack for tormenting myself with all sorts of nonsensical concerns, debilitating self doubts and gut wrenching put downs. I am starting to find it difficult to reach out and talk to people at all again. And that terrifies me most because, cold as might appear, I don't want to be alone. But I struggle to trust being vulnerable.
Is FA kinda dead of late?
Posted 2 years agoTitle. I know I don't really browse much here anymore, which is mainly because FA still hasn't implemented a blacklist and I became sick of seeing scat, but is it me or does FA just feel kinda dead?
Don't really experience much of any interaction here anymore. Don't really see a lot of comments, even on some popular artist's submissions.
Thousands of views. Hundreds of favorites. Comments? 2.
What happened? Do people only comment on artist's works on closed off discord groups now?
Or is it just me?
Don't really experience much of any interaction here anymore. Don't really see a lot of comments, even on some popular artist's submissions.
Thousands of views. Hundreds of favorites. Comments? 2.
What happened? Do people only comment on artist's works on closed off discord groups now?
Or is it just me?
Reorganizing gallery
Posted 2 years agoBoof boof!
Currently reorganizing gallery after acknowledging the uh..."charitable" limits for us non-plus users haha. Please bear with me.
In other news...
Is there anything you would like to see from me in the future? Any particular commission ideas?
Is there anything any of you would like to get with me in the future in a 50/50 commission? I would love to participate more in that stuff... I just really have a hard time finding artists of late, and continue to have some issues with references getting done.
Something to continue sorting out over time.
Thank you all for bearing with me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TErGziThsc
Currently reorganizing gallery after acknowledging the uh..."charitable" limits for us non-plus users haha. Please bear with me.
In other news...
Is there anything you would like to see from me in the future? Any particular commission ideas?
Is there anything any of you would like to get with me in the future in a 50/50 commission? I would love to participate more in that stuff... I just really have a hard time finding artists of late, and continue to have some issues with references getting done.
Something to continue sorting out over time.
Thank you all for bearing with me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TErGziThsc
It is not wrong to feel
Posted 3 years agoDo you ever feel as though you are wracked with the inner turmoil of wanting to love the world and those in it with every fiber of your being, but are being given mountains of reasons not to?
Many would say that that mere inner turmoil, that fixation on what is wrong is what makes you weak or wrong in turn. But I disagree. Should you ever feel that way, know that you are not wrong for feeling that way. It is not easy to make a choice as that one way or another, and you are not weak for failing to make it.
You are not wrong to feel:
https://youtu.be/mehLx_Fjv_c
Many would say that that mere inner turmoil, that fixation on what is wrong is what makes you weak or wrong in turn. But I disagree. Should you ever feel that way, know that you are not wrong for feeling that way. It is not easy to make a choice as that one way or another, and you are not weak for failing to make it.
You are not wrong to feel:
https://youtu.be/mehLx_Fjv_c
...
Posted 3 years agoWhen you have been treated enough times as if you were a tumor by people you exposed your heart to, is it truly any wonder when you become malignant?
Followup
Posted 3 years agoTo the previous journal here. Please review it before reading this one if you haven't already done so.
As you are aware, last week I went to have my weekly evening visit with my father in his apartment only to find him face down on the floor in an unnatural, curled position with no pulse. Needless to say, I was in hysterics and called the emergency number immediately, who prompted me to roll him over and begin performing CPR (if possible). Struggling and distressed, a neighbor helped me roll him over. I have never seen a person so utterly purple with a sickly white smashed in nose before, let alone a family member. I had broken down immediately as I knew what it meant. Even now, I am upset. I can't unsee or come to terms with the fact that that is going to be my last memory of my father. I am upset that he passed away like that, alone and on the floor. He didn't deserve that. And only a day after I had spoken with him on the phone briefly by mistake (he dialed me when he had meant to dial another person). That is my last memory of speaking with him. I am upset with everything about this.
As stated before, over the next several hours, I went over everything with law enforcement, the paramedics and finally the funeral home service after the Medical Examiner refused to come out to collect my father, leaving myself and my family stuck out there until 1:30 am, nearly 7 hours (I am still rather upset about that).
Since then, I have been struggling to hold it together and return to a sense of normalcy. I appreciate people trying to give me space, but I do wish to clarify that that is not really what I wanted nor ultimately meant by my previous journal. I simply did not wish to be bombarded with questions, condolences or attempts to pry into what had happened as it would have immediately put me back into that headspace. Nevertheless, I understand and do not fault anyone for interpreting the last journal that way. One never quite knows, no? It is difficult to ascertain how to handle or respond to these types of situations, especially when we are all separated by anywhere from miles to continents in terms of physical proximity.
From this point, although I remain...off balance still, I am nonetheless back to being available for the most part to interact with.
Although it has been a mere week, I have been in the process of trying, with the help of family, to handle everything necessary from the memorial service to his accounts and various services he was receiving. It has been quite an undertaking and somehow despite the situation, even a member of a department of a social service was quite rude to me as I trying to explain why I was calling in order to gain insight in how to suspend the social service benefit my father was receiving now that he was deceased.
All in all, it has been a very, very, very draining week, especially since much of this stuff needs to be handled during daylight hours and I work night shift, therefore eating into my already volatile sleep schedule.
On top and prior to all of that, I accidentally caused a power fault on two drives after moving everything from an old PC case into a new PC case, causing the motors to no longer spin up. This had been my error in my sleep deprived state as I had accidentally used the wrong SATA power connector after purchasing a new PSU, which has a different standard from my old one. Due to my lack of workshop and knowledge necessary to fix the drives, I had them sent off to a recovery service, who turned around and tried to quote me $4,000 to recover all of the data off of both drives. Needless to say, I do not have that much to spare on a whim nor consider that price to be remotely fair. I refused and instructed them to send the drives back.
Overall, I am just...very...very...very hollowed from the inside out these days.
Edit: In all honesty. One major factor in which continues to plague my mind is how isolated my Dad chose to be, and in many ways I feel incredibly isolated, myself, although my circumstances differ. I just don't feel all that close to people in recent years, especially online...
As you are aware, last week I went to have my weekly evening visit with my father in his apartment only to find him face down on the floor in an unnatural, curled position with no pulse. Needless to say, I was in hysterics and called the emergency number immediately, who prompted me to roll him over and begin performing CPR (if possible). Struggling and distressed, a neighbor helped me roll him over. I have never seen a person so utterly purple with a sickly white smashed in nose before, let alone a family member. I had broken down immediately as I knew what it meant. Even now, I am upset. I can't unsee or come to terms with the fact that that is going to be my last memory of my father. I am upset that he passed away like that, alone and on the floor. He didn't deserve that. And only a day after I had spoken with him on the phone briefly by mistake (he dialed me when he had meant to dial another person). That is my last memory of speaking with him. I am upset with everything about this.
As stated before, over the next several hours, I went over everything with law enforcement, the paramedics and finally the funeral home service after the Medical Examiner refused to come out to collect my father, leaving myself and my family stuck out there until 1:30 am, nearly 7 hours (I am still rather upset about that).
Since then, I have been struggling to hold it together and return to a sense of normalcy. I appreciate people trying to give me space, but I do wish to clarify that that is not really what I wanted nor ultimately meant by my previous journal. I simply did not wish to be bombarded with questions, condolences or attempts to pry into what had happened as it would have immediately put me back into that headspace. Nevertheless, I understand and do not fault anyone for interpreting the last journal that way. One never quite knows, no? It is difficult to ascertain how to handle or respond to these types of situations, especially when we are all separated by anywhere from miles to continents in terms of physical proximity.
From this point, although I remain...off balance still, I am nonetheless back to being available for the most part to interact with.
Although it has been a mere week, I have been in the process of trying, with the help of family, to handle everything necessary from the memorial service to his accounts and various services he was receiving. It has been quite an undertaking and somehow despite the situation, even a member of a department of a social service was quite rude to me as I trying to explain why I was calling in order to gain insight in how to suspend the social service benefit my father was receiving now that he was deceased.
All in all, it has been a very, very, very draining week, especially since much of this stuff needs to be handled during daylight hours and I work night shift, therefore eating into my already volatile sleep schedule.
On top and prior to all of that, I accidentally caused a power fault on two drives after moving everything from an old PC case into a new PC case, causing the motors to no longer spin up. This had been my error in my sleep deprived state as I had accidentally used the wrong SATA power connector after purchasing a new PSU, which has a different standard from my old one. Due to my lack of workshop and knowledge necessary to fix the drives, I had them sent off to a recovery service, who turned around and tried to quote me $4,000 to recover all of the data off of both drives. Needless to say, I do not have that much to spare on a whim nor consider that price to be remotely fair. I refused and instructed them to send the drives back.
Overall, I am just...very...very...very hollowed from the inside out these days.
Edit: In all honesty. One major factor in which continues to plague my mind is how isolated my Dad chose to be, and in many ways I feel incredibly isolated, myself, although my circumstances differ. I just don't feel all that close to people in recent years, especially online...
If I don't respond over the next few days:
Posted 3 years agoI went to visit my father this evening as part of my weekly trip to spend time with him, and ultimately found him face down on the floor, dead.
I have just now returned home several hours later after going over it with the paramedics, local law enforcement and the funeral home service.
I don't really want to talk about it further than that. Please don't DM or note me with condolences and asking about what happened and this and that.
I am already really uncomfortable writing this journal and subsequent notification to people around me about why I may be unavailable for the next several days.
To be clear, it is not that I want to be alone. God, no. I don't want to be alone having to think about any of it. I just don't want to have go over it again and be put back in that headspace to satisfy other people's curiosity.
As a result, I will try and still be available to chat and be distracted with other things, but please don't talk to me just to bring it up and make me dwell on it.
Thank you for your time and I do appreciate any feelings of condolences you might have. I just don't want to hear them at the moment. For that, I apologize.
I have just now returned home several hours later after going over it with the paramedics, local law enforcement and the funeral home service.
I don't really want to talk about it further than that. Please don't DM or note me with condolences and asking about what happened and this and that.
I am already really uncomfortable writing this journal and subsequent notification to people around me about why I may be unavailable for the next several days.
To be clear, it is not that I want to be alone. God, no. I don't want to be alone having to think about any of it. I just don't want to have go over it again and be put back in that headspace to satisfy other people's curiosity.
As a result, I will try and still be available to chat and be distracted with other things, but please don't talk to me just to bring it up and make me dwell on it.
Thank you for your time and I do appreciate any feelings of condolences you might have. I just don't want to hear them at the moment. For that, I apologize.
Looking for a large western dragon to gobble up in a...
Posted 3 years ago...commission together that I plan on purchasing from MetricTums
The commission would involve the form of myself Salabyss having already gobbled up the poor dragon and is in the process of absorbing them over the course of 3 images.
Due to the size of the project, the artist plans on tackling it next month. I would love to be able to partake in this with one of you all instead of it being a random dragon. With that in mind, however, I would like to split the costs of such a hefty project at least to degree. I will pay the majority of the commission, I simply ask that you pay a reasonable proportion for being featured in it (no freeloaders). The project includes internal vs non-internal versions for the entire sequence.
The only major constraint would be that this reserved for large feral dragons, preferably westerns.
Please feel free to DM or note myself in the event you are interested. Please share this journal otherwise.
The commission would involve the form of myself Salabyss having already gobbled up the poor dragon and is in the process of absorbing them over the course of 3 images.
Due to the size of the project, the artist plans on tackling it next month. I would love to be able to partake in this with one of you all instead of it being a random dragon. With that in mind, however, I would like to split the costs of such a hefty project at least to degree. I will pay the majority of the commission, I simply ask that you pay a reasonable proportion for being featured in it (no freeloaders). The project includes internal vs non-internal versions for the entire sequence.
The only major constraint would be that this reserved for large feral dragons, preferably westerns.
Please feel free to DM or note myself in the event you are interested. Please share this journal otherwise.
A bit of a disclaimer...
Posted 3 years agoAnother journal where I feel the need for something to be said.
Regarding my forms, the form that I am heavily depends on variety of factors from mood to comfort, but most of all whichever one is most prominent in my mind at the time. That is simply how it works.
With that in mind, please understand that while I absolutely love and adore obtaining tons of art for my anthro black Rayquaza form in all of their galaxy-driven glamor, they are NOT the form that I generally am in conversation/interactions, etc. They are more or less myself when I am at my best, when I am elated, overjoyed, indomitably confident and bursting with energy. Unfortunately, that is an exceptional rarity these days where a majority of the time I am beaten down, exhausted and barely able to remain a functioning drone throughout work shifts.
I recognize that I am probably shooting myself in the foot here as far as appealing to many others or attracting people to chat with myself (which, by all means, please feel free to, I am sporadic but I will try my best), but please do not approach myself with any expectations of me being my anthro black Rayquaza form. It is simply not my most common form, I apologize.
Over the years it has caused myself an exceptional amount of undue anxiety, largely due to the fatigue forbidding myself from even being able to be that form, but also because of some of the behavior of certain people...
There is nothing more degrading than someone going out of their way to express their "disappointment" at you indirectly for not fulfilling their expectations. So many have pouted, whined or gone to even more absurd lengths to let me know how "unfair" it is or how disinterested they are. The latter being honestly worse, because for some reason so many people see it as justified. While there is nothing wrong with being disappointed, I find it so belittling and insulting when a person goes out of their way to not only exercise total apathy towards you, but make constant subtle remarks intended to mock or shame you, for not appeasing them, especially in an instant. It is so ridiculous and tiring... Ironically it causes me to be even less inclined to be my anthro form, which recedes further into my mind with each not so cleverly disguised insult about how wrong I am for not being them or how wrong I am for not allowing/doing 'x' with them either.
As a tangent, and please feel free to ignore this as this is specifically for the vore crowd, it is also not acceptable to exercise the same behavior towards my preferences for each of my forms. I do not understand what it is with the vore community and being consistent peer pressure bullies, directly or indirectly, about whether or not you or one of your forms/sonas/OCs/whathaveyou is pred only or not. Now I recognize that this technically extends to the prey only side as well, but my experience is that it is typically worse for the pred counterpart.
For some reason, many in the community have the mindset/mentality that everyone/thing/whatever can be prey and they will NOT accept otherwise. It is a crime to them and they will go out of their way to express that to you in very creative ways, almost all of which are that very same indirect shaming behavior. WHY? It is not even an issue of morals or the fetish itself. This is purely a case of positional preference and comfort. I personally see nothing wrong with an individual having their form/sona/OC being pred only and even having it as a part of their lore that they are immune to consumption / impossible to consume. It is a matter of comfort. They do not desire that and are not comfortable with it, therefore it is incorporated as a very aspect of their character. Yet so many are offended by this. Even worse, oftentimes the ones that are offended by this are those that are themselves predator only and impossible to consume. Just...what...? Is this a case of narcissism lacking self awareness or...?
It is beyond perplexing, especially when you try and have them apply it to other types of positional preferences and they become irate with you. You would be surprised how quickly these people become upset the moment you turn it around on them, "oh, well by that logic, you should just be fine with being a bottom bitch, right? Or even fucked in the cunt even if you don't have one, right? Just accept it bro, stop being so arrogant." That upset quite a few people.
I digress. I understand being frustrated when it is a case of the other person having no prey characters at all, therefore opportunities for roleplay or the like end up being quite limited. While I would prefer that people have each of such roles among their forms/OCs to allow for plenty of variety, I am still on the side of role preference/comfort coming first. If that person's form/OC is pred only and immune to being eaten, then please respect that and leave it be. Same case for those that choose to be prey only.
With that in mind, please stop making comments towards my anthro form about it. They are pred only and immune to consumption. I have no idea why people seem to think otherwise as I have tried to make that very clear on many occasions, but they are in fact pred only. Please stop making snide comments and presenting these sleazy displays of indirectly letting me know how it is "such an arrogant crime" for that to be the case. Please also stop letting me know "well, I always have my fantasies :)" and that you are imagining/thinking about it. It is NOT cute. It really isn't and I absolutely detest how people seem to think it is. If you are thinking about it. Fine, keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it. It makes me just as uncomfortable as if someone said "well, I always have my fantasies and can just imagine myself screwing your underage self :)". Just...no. No.
It is beyond exhausting. End rant. I apologize for this type of journal as I am aware it is unpleasant. I intend to leave it as a bit of a disclaimer so that hopefully those who are unaware of these particular boundaries do become aware. Comments shall be disabled again because for some reason this particular issue is somehow divisive when it should not be. You are free to DM or note myself a response instead.
Regarding my forms, the form that I am heavily depends on variety of factors from mood to comfort, but most of all whichever one is most prominent in my mind at the time. That is simply how it works.
With that in mind, please understand that while I absolutely love and adore obtaining tons of art for my anthro black Rayquaza form in all of their galaxy-driven glamor, they are NOT the form that I generally am in conversation/interactions, etc. They are more or less myself when I am at my best, when I am elated, overjoyed, indomitably confident and bursting with energy. Unfortunately, that is an exceptional rarity these days where a majority of the time I am beaten down, exhausted and barely able to remain a functioning drone throughout work shifts.
I recognize that I am probably shooting myself in the foot here as far as appealing to many others or attracting people to chat with myself (which, by all means, please feel free to, I am sporadic but I will try my best), but please do not approach myself with any expectations of me being my anthro black Rayquaza form. It is simply not my most common form, I apologize.
Over the years it has caused myself an exceptional amount of undue anxiety, largely due to the fatigue forbidding myself from even being able to be that form, but also because of some of the behavior of certain people...
There is nothing more degrading than someone going out of their way to express their "disappointment" at you indirectly for not fulfilling their expectations. So many have pouted, whined or gone to even more absurd lengths to let me know how "unfair" it is or how disinterested they are. The latter being honestly worse, because for some reason so many people see it as justified. While there is nothing wrong with being disappointed, I find it so belittling and insulting when a person goes out of their way to not only exercise total apathy towards you, but make constant subtle remarks intended to mock or shame you, for not appeasing them, especially in an instant. It is so ridiculous and tiring... Ironically it causes me to be even less inclined to be my anthro form, which recedes further into my mind with each not so cleverly disguised insult about how wrong I am for not being them or how wrong I am for not allowing/doing 'x' with them either.
As a tangent, and please feel free to ignore this as this is specifically for the vore crowd, it is also not acceptable to exercise the same behavior towards my preferences for each of my forms. I do not understand what it is with the vore community and being consistent peer pressure bullies, directly or indirectly, about whether or not you or one of your forms/sonas/OCs/whathaveyou is pred only or not. Now I recognize that this technically extends to the prey only side as well, but my experience is that it is typically worse for the pred counterpart.
For some reason, many in the community have the mindset/mentality that everyone/thing/whatever can be prey and they will NOT accept otherwise. It is a crime to them and they will go out of their way to express that to you in very creative ways, almost all of which are that very same indirect shaming behavior. WHY? It is not even an issue of morals or the fetish itself. This is purely a case of positional preference and comfort. I personally see nothing wrong with an individual having their form/sona/OC being pred only and even having it as a part of their lore that they are immune to consumption / impossible to consume. It is a matter of comfort. They do not desire that and are not comfortable with it, therefore it is incorporated as a very aspect of their character. Yet so many are offended by this. Even worse, oftentimes the ones that are offended by this are those that are themselves predator only and impossible to consume. Just...what...? Is this a case of narcissism lacking self awareness or...?
It is beyond perplexing, especially when you try and have them apply it to other types of positional preferences and they become irate with you. You would be surprised how quickly these people become upset the moment you turn it around on them, "oh, well by that logic, you should just be fine with being a bottom bitch, right? Or even fucked in the cunt even if you don't have one, right? Just accept it bro, stop being so arrogant." That upset quite a few people.
I digress. I understand being frustrated when it is a case of the other person having no prey characters at all, therefore opportunities for roleplay or the like end up being quite limited. While I would prefer that people have each of such roles among their forms/OCs to allow for plenty of variety, I am still on the side of role preference/comfort coming first. If that person's form/OC is pred only and immune to being eaten, then please respect that and leave it be. Same case for those that choose to be prey only.
With that in mind, please stop making comments towards my anthro form about it. They are pred only and immune to consumption. I have no idea why people seem to think otherwise as I have tried to make that very clear on many occasions, but they are in fact pred only. Please stop making snide comments and presenting these sleazy displays of indirectly letting me know how it is "such an arrogant crime" for that to be the case. Please also stop letting me know "well, I always have my fantasies :)" and that you are imagining/thinking about it. It is NOT cute. It really isn't and I absolutely detest how people seem to think it is. If you are thinking about it. Fine, keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it. It makes me just as uncomfortable as if someone said "well, I always have my fantasies and can just imagine myself screwing your underage self :)". Just...no. No.
It is beyond exhausting. End rant. I apologize for this type of journal as I am aware it is unpleasant. I intend to leave it as a bit of a disclaimer so that hopefully those who are unaware of these particular boundaries do become aware. Comments shall be disabled again because for some reason this particular issue is somehow divisive when it should not be. You are free to DM or note myself a response instead.