Happy brain explody!
Posted 19 days agoI meant to post an update after my last journal, but this is an even better reason to.
Stuff is going better with the house. There was a massive miscommunication and my mom is working on communication and keeping me in the loop better. Long story short I don't have to worry about her rushing to sell or anything.
Couldn't salvage school but there's only one course I need to redo, not two, and that's registered for now.
AND NOW THE EXCITING NEWS!!!
I won an art raffle from Adalfyre!
Like, the #2 person on my favorite artists on my profile, Adalfyre!
I'm beyond giddy, I've loved her dragons forever and so wanted to commission her! My brain is happy exploding!
Stuff is going better with the house. There was a massive miscommunication and my mom is working on communication and keeping me in the loop better. Long story short I don't have to worry about her rushing to sell or anything.
Couldn't salvage school but there's only one course I need to redo, not two, and that's registered for now.
AND NOW THE EXCITING NEWS!!!
I won an art raffle from Adalfyre!
Like, the #2 person on my favorite artists on my profile, Adalfyre!
I'm beyond giddy, I've loved her dragons forever and so wanted to commission her! My brain is happy exploding!
Oh look... My mom is out to screw me again already.
Posted a month agoWell, I began today with a burst of manic optimism for facing the immediate future.
... That was promptly euthanized shortly after lunch time.
In the ongoing saga of my mother haphazardly doing everything she can to jeopardize my living situation and sanity through avoidance, she called to inform me she's having a real estate agent come to assess this house this weekend.
You know, the same house that's only in jeopardy because she stopped making payments on it, hid that from everyone, and I got served foreclosure papers in the middle of trying to do final projects for college (which I have now failed as a result). Meanwhile I had to confront her and exceedingly patiently cajole her into actually hiring a lawyer to address the issue (which bought us a 6 month extension) when she was just going to let it happen. The one that's full of her abandoned stuff that I've spent 14 years looking after.
...But now she's acting like her only plan of action is to sell this house as fast as possible, without looking at any other options, or downsizing the house she's living in to something she can afford, so she can go back to burying her head in the sand until her next catastrophe lands in my lap.
Plus, now, I have to set my job hunting and trying to study for some certifications aside, to mad dash clean before the weekend.
I don't have words.
... That was promptly euthanized shortly after lunch time.
In the ongoing saga of my mother haphazardly doing everything she can to jeopardize my living situation and sanity through avoidance, she called to inform me she's having a real estate agent come to assess this house this weekend.
You know, the same house that's only in jeopardy because she stopped making payments on it, hid that from everyone, and I got served foreclosure papers in the middle of trying to do final projects for college (which I have now failed as a result). Meanwhile I had to confront her and exceedingly patiently cajole her into actually hiring a lawyer to address the issue (which bought us a 6 month extension) when she was just going to let it happen. The one that's full of her abandoned stuff that I've spent 14 years looking after.
...But now she's acting like her only plan of action is to sell this house as fast as possible, without looking at any other options, or downsizing the house she's living in to something she can afford, so she can go back to burying her head in the sand until her next catastrophe lands in my lap.
Plus, now, I have to set my job hunting and trying to study for some certifications aside, to mad dash clean before the weekend.
I don't have words.
Pyrrhic Victory
Posted a month ago.
This semester is the first time I got a 3.0 GPA in one of my courses at college.
I am fucking proud of that.
However, the irony is I also received news today that (as I expected) I failed at least one of the two courses that was critical to obtaining my diploma. I'm also expecting bad news in the remaining course.
Given that I'm too burnt out to press on with school right now, plus I need to go sort out a bunch of family stuff to hopefully KEEP the roof over my head past 6 months from now, I'm taking time off of school and hopefully I can find a job. Gonna pick up some certifications I should be able to power through quick.
Just... yeah.... SIGH
On the bright side, I think we've re-arranged my ADHD & depression/anxiety meds so that I can actually get shit done now. It's amazing how having that mythical "serotonin" substance in my brain has made it so I can get up, function, and not need an entire pot of coffee plus an energy drink to just feel 80% operational.
The horrors persist... but so do I. And I'm going to make it the universe's problem until things get better.
That's a a promise.
.
This semester is the first time I got a 3.0 GPA in one of my courses at college.
I am fucking proud of that.
However, the irony is I also received news today that (as I expected) I failed at least one of the two courses that was critical to obtaining my diploma. I'm also expecting bad news in the remaining course.
Given that I'm too burnt out to press on with school right now, plus I need to go sort out a bunch of family stuff to hopefully KEEP the roof over my head past 6 months from now, I'm taking time off of school and hopefully I can find a job. Gonna pick up some certifications I should be able to power through quick.
Just... yeah.... SIGH
On the bright side, I think we've re-arranged my ADHD & depression/anxiety meds so that I can actually get shit done now. It's amazing how having that mythical "serotonin" substance in my brain has made it so I can get up, function, and not need an entire pot of coffee plus an energy drink to just feel 80% operational.
The horrors persist... but so do I. And I'm going to make it the universe's problem until things get better.
That's a a promise.
.
Out of Danger for Now. Cautiously Optimistic.
Posted a month ago~~~
Got official confirmation the house is out of danger for at least 6 months.
I have a rough plan that (with help) may allow me to keep this place longer term until I'm ready to move on.
Gonna be a lot of work to sort out my mom's stuff, but at least this gives things a hard timeline so I have the ultimate justification to actually get stuff done, plus she can't just shove her head in the proverbial sand anymore.
Now back to our regularly scheduled: "OH GAWD, WRAPPING UP THIS DIPLOMA" lol
~~~
Got official confirmation the house is out of danger for at least 6 months.
I have a rough plan that (with help) may allow me to keep this place longer term until I'm ready to move on.
Gonna be a lot of work to sort out my mom's stuff, but at least this gives things a hard timeline so I have the ultimate justification to actually get stuff done, plus she can't just shove her head in the proverbial sand anymore.
Now back to our regularly scheduled: "OH GAWD, WRAPPING UP THIS DIPLOMA" lol
~~~
14 Years... Gone just like that.
Posted a month ago~~~
Now I know what it feels like to have someone else piss away 14 years of your life with one very stupid decision.
14 years ago my sister and I moved into this house to help out my parent when their spouse passed away suddenly.
Within a year that parent had moved out to be with someone else.
My sister and I stayed to look after the literal mountains of stuff abandoned here. Eventually my sister moved out and left town... She was the smart one.
I stuck around. Helped out. Tried to clean the place up as much as said parent would let me. The house was (past tense) paid off. Yeah, I was getting cheap rent, but I was also caretaker of way more that wasn't mine, than any person should be. Part of why I stayed was the knowledge part of the equity here could be my inheritance, so it was worth sticking around and looking after it.
Today I found out one way or another this house will need to be sold in the next 6 months (or less) because it's being foreclosed on.
Said parent never discussed their situation with me, made terrible financial choices, and now 14 years of my life looking after this place, and more recently making it actually livable... Is for nothing.
At a time when the cost of living is astronomically high.
No inheritance.... No equity... Nothing to show for it....
... And now I have to try to find another place to live, in this economy.
Now I know what it feels like to have someone else piss away 14 years of your life with one very stupid decision.
14 years ago my sister and I moved into this house to help out my parent when their spouse passed away suddenly.
Within a year that parent had moved out to be with someone else.
My sister and I stayed to look after the literal mountains of stuff abandoned here. Eventually my sister moved out and left town... She was the smart one.
I stuck around. Helped out. Tried to clean the place up as much as said parent would let me. The house was (past tense) paid off. Yeah, I was getting cheap rent, but I was also caretaker of way more that wasn't mine, than any person should be. Part of why I stayed was the knowledge part of the equity here could be my inheritance, so it was worth sticking around and looking after it.
Today I found out one way or another this house will need to be sold in the next 6 months (or less) because it's being foreclosed on.
Said parent never discussed their situation with me, made terrible financial choices, and now 14 years of my life looking after this place, and more recently making it actually livable... Is for nothing.
At a time when the cost of living is astronomically high.
No inheritance.... No equity... Nothing to show for it....
... And now I have to try to find another place to live, in this economy.
[INTERNAL SCREAMING]
Posted a month agoSo...
Two and a half weeks left till I'm done the IT diploma I went back to school for, and hip deep in final projects, I get served papers yesterday afternoon.
Turns out my family member who owns the house my roommate and I have been renting, had borrowed against the house. The interest rate hikes put the payments beyond their means.
Instead of telling anyone back when we could have done something about it, instead they just... stopped paying it. Turns out they'd borrowed money against both this house, and the one they're living in, mixed up which account was which, and just let things slide thinking they were jeopardizing their house, instead of the one I'm living in.
On top of this, they lied to me about their situation until I was forced to confront them yesterday.
Long story short, my sister and I convinced them they need to actually fucking deal with this, and speak with a foreclosure lawyer.
So... all the work my roommate and I put into digging out this hoarder house may have been for nothing. I now have to spend extra time and effort supervising my family member's finances and handling of this situation moving forward. My (and roomie's) living situation is in limbo, after I offered the place for my friend to move into because it was going to be mutually beneficial, not knowing about this fucking financial time-bomb. PLUS I'll likely have to dump even more time and effort into helping get one or the other of the houses ready to sell.
All this while I'm trying to get through these last few weeks, graduate, and start a new career in this shit-ass economy....
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-un
Two and a half weeks left till I'm done the IT diploma I went back to school for, and hip deep in final projects, I get served papers yesterday afternoon.
Turns out my family member who owns the house my roommate and I have been renting, had borrowed against the house. The interest rate hikes put the payments beyond their means.
Instead of telling anyone back when we could have done something about it, instead they just... stopped paying it. Turns out they'd borrowed money against both this house, and the one they're living in, mixed up which account was which, and just let things slide thinking they were jeopardizing their house, instead of the one I'm living in.
On top of this, they lied to me about their situation until I was forced to confront them yesterday.
Long story short, my sister and I convinced them they need to actually fucking deal with this, and speak with a foreclosure lawyer.
So... all the work my roommate and I put into digging out this hoarder house may have been for nothing. I now have to spend extra time and effort supervising my family member's finances and handling of this situation moving forward. My (and roomie's) living situation is in limbo, after I offered the place for my friend to move into because it was going to be mutually beneficial, not knowing about this fucking financial time-bomb. PLUS I'll likely have to dump even more time and effort into helping get one or the other of the houses ready to sell.
All this while I'm trying to get through these last few weeks, graduate, and start a new career in this shit-ass economy....
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-un
Purged my old DA today.
Posted 2 months ago~~~
Soooo yeah...
Not for the first time, but Deviant Art posted on the dead-bird-site, promoting how much money an account pumping out nothing but generative junk had made in the past year.
I shit you not.
A site that was literally built on the hard work of actual artists who poured their skills and unimaginable amounts of work hours into...
...Was promoting a thieving generative model account for how "profitable" it was.
And I'll repeat: NO, THE MODELS DO NOT "learn like a real artist". People have tested it. If you feed their own output back into the model, without further skilled human input, the output progressively amplifies any errors until it degrades into dogshit. A real artist gets better with practice. The models are the artistic equivalent of autocorrect, and utterly useless without actual human artist input to harvest.
Anyway, today was motivation enough to finally go on there, purge my gallery, and salt what's left with nightshade.
What kind of messed up timeline are we in? I remember when I was first posting my photography on Deviant Art and how much it felt like a wonderful community of creatives, and the joy it brought me. Now it's just a "content farm" for the locusts. And they have the gall to brag about it.
I don't have words for how soul-crushing this is. I had stuff on there dating back to the early 2000's. I know DA has been on a downward spiral for years, but damn. I'm so tired of this endemic enshitification of the internet.
Soooo yeah...
Not for the first time, but Deviant Art posted on the dead-bird-site, promoting how much money an account pumping out nothing but generative junk had made in the past year.
I shit you not.
A site that was literally built on the hard work of actual artists who poured their skills and unimaginable amounts of work hours into...
...Was promoting a thieving generative model account for how "profitable" it was.
And I'll repeat: NO, THE MODELS DO NOT "learn like a real artist". People have tested it. If you feed their own output back into the model, without further skilled human input, the output progressively amplifies any errors until it degrades into dogshit. A real artist gets better with practice. The models are the artistic equivalent of autocorrect, and utterly useless without actual human artist input to harvest.
Anyway, today was motivation enough to finally go on there, purge my gallery, and salt what's left with nightshade.
What kind of messed up timeline are we in? I remember when I was first posting my photography on Deviant Art and how much it felt like a wonderful community of creatives, and the joy it brought me. Now it's just a "content farm" for the locusts. And they have the gall to brag about it.
I don't have words for how soul-crushing this is. I had stuff on there dating back to the early 2000's. I know DA has been on a downward spiral for years, but damn. I'm so tired of this endemic enshitification of the internet.
Another lap round the sun
Posted 3 months agoOops... I meant to journal on the day, but I'm about a week late.
Woohoo! I have survived another lap around the sun...
...ä̵̝́n̶̤͊d̶̛͚ ̷̭̔I̶̦͂'̷̟͋m̷̭̕ ̸̛͔g̷̺̓ȏ̴̮ị̵̔n̷̞̎g̶̠̊ ̴͋͜ț̵̑ô̴̬ ̶̧̊m̶͍̌a̶͇̚k̷͉̾e̷̡͝ ̸̻̓ḯ̴̤t̴͍͆ ̷̺̀e̷̮̒v̴̛͇e̷͈͛r̷̰͘y̶̦̓o̴͚͝n̷̮͛e̶̦̐'̵̭̆s̷̜̄ ̵̲̈p̷͓̅r̶̤̎o̶̥̔b̶͎͐l̵̢̿e̶̼͘m̴͎̈́
"Inexorable determination in the face of cosmic horror" is my vibe going into this next year of existence.
...This may or may not have been influenced by drowning my brain in fan art & videos of Signalis, plus (finally) finishing and continuing to replay the game, in dosages that exceed the prescribed healthy determined by the glorious nation of Eusan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f52bTb3wYbs
Woohoo! I have survived another lap around the sun...
...ä̵̝́n̶̤͊d̶̛͚ ̷̭̔I̶̦͂'̷̟͋m̷̭̕ ̸̛͔g̷̺̓ȏ̴̮ị̵̔n̷̞̎g̶̠̊ ̴͋͜ț̵̑ô̴̬ ̶̧̊m̶͍̌a̶͇̚k̷͉̾e̷̡͝ ̸̻̓ḯ̴̤t̴͍͆ ̷̺̀e̷̮̒v̴̛͇e̷͈͛r̷̰͘y̶̦̓o̴͚͝n̷̮͛e̶̦̐'̵̭̆s̷̜̄ ̵̲̈p̷͓̅r̶̤̎o̶̥̔b̶͎͐l̵̢̿e̶̼͘m̴͎̈́
"Inexorable determination in the face of cosmic horror" is my vibe going into this next year of existence.
...This may or may not have been influenced by drowning my brain in fan art & videos of Signalis, plus (finally) finishing and continuing to replay the game, in dosages that exceed the prescribed healthy determined by the glorious nation of Eusan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f52bTb3wYbs
Aftermath, New year, MOAR SCHUUL
Posted 4 months agoMy team's capstone presentation was... okay.
I wanted it to be more than that... since it was literally to showcase our skills for industry recruiters based on a project we sunk 8 months work into... But that wasn't in the cards given some of the team members I was working with. Couple of them were good, and I'll miss collaborating with them. Plus now I'm free of the not-so-great ones.
In the process I had to sacrifice wrapping up my diploma last semester. There's 2 courses I need to repeat, plus I picked up an extra course that I'm genuinely excited about. Added bonus, that let me keep my full time status (helps with student loans, benefits, etc.).
I won't claim it doesn't sting, but doing my best to look at this as a chance to really prove myself, free of any major group projects. Also for the first time since I went back to college, all my instructors are actually good, so that will be a huge help. Funding and schedule are sorted as of this morning, so I can start thinking about job hunting and maybe tack some certifications onto my school stuff to make me "MOAR EMPLOYABLE" lol
So, yeah... Not quite to plan, but life carries on, and I'm grateful for the parts that are working out.
I wanted it to be more than that... since it was literally to showcase our skills for industry recruiters based on a project we sunk 8 months work into... But that wasn't in the cards given some of the team members I was working with. Couple of them were good, and I'll miss collaborating with them. Plus now I'm free of the not-so-great ones.
In the process I had to sacrifice wrapping up my diploma last semester. There's 2 courses I need to repeat, plus I picked up an extra course that I'm genuinely excited about. Added bonus, that let me keep my full time status (helps with student loans, benefits, etc.).
I won't claim it doesn't sting, but doing my best to look at this as a chance to really prove myself, free of any major group projects. Also for the first time since I went back to college, all my instructors are actually good, so that will be a huge help. Funding and schedule are sorted as of this morning, so I can start thinking about job hunting and maybe tack some certifications onto my school stuff to make me "MOAR EMPLOYABLE" lol
So, yeah... Not quite to plan, but life carries on, and I'm grateful for the parts that are working out.
TWO DAYS....
Posted 5 months agoTuesday we present our capstone project, for real this time.
I've never felt so intensely close to a complete mental breakdown, and yet so close to glorious success, at the same time before.
College life is so much "fun".
I've never felt so intensely close to a complete mental breakdown, and yet so close to glorious success, at the same time before.
College life is so much "fun".
Current Obsessions + Bsky reminder
Posted 6 months agoTaking a break from our regularly scheduled college-life-angst...
MY CURRENT OBSESSIONS:
Book: System Collapse by Martha Wells
Podcast: J. Barton Mitchell's Derelict
Album: Electric Sun by VNV Nation
Game: Signalis (even if I don't have time to play it right now)
Also I have a pile of bsky codes, comment or DM to claim one.
https://bsky.app/profile/ranakanth.bsky.social
MY CURRENT OBSESSIONS:
Book: System Collapse by Martha Wells
Podcast: J. Barton Mitchell's Derelict
Album: Electric Sun by VNV Nation
Game: Signalis (even if I don't have time to play it right now)
Also I have a pile of bsky codes, comment or DM to claim one.
https://bsky.app/profile/ranakanth.bsky.social
Probably so utterly fucked at this point.
Posted 6 months agoI'm drunk and about to get cripplingly stoned.
I have probably just fucked myself.
How, you might ask?
Helping other people at my own expense because I'm a chronic people pleaser who manifests that that obsessively helping others until I'm so burnt out I neglect myself, because nobody every helped me when I was younger.
I just missed a major school due date because of exactly that. There's a good chance I'm going to fail an important course now.
And if I fail any classes again I'll probably get kicked out of my program because I've already been on academic probation once.
Life is fucking "great."
I have probably just fucked myself.
How, you might ask?
Helping other people at my own expense because I'm a chronic people pleaser who manifests that that obsessively helping others until I'm so burnt out I neglect myself, because nobody every helped me when I was younger.
I just missed a major school due date because of exactly that. There's a good chance I'm going to fail an important course now.
And if I fail any classes again I'll probably get kicked out of my program because I've already been on academic probation once.
Life is fucking "great."
12 Days....
Posted 6 months ago...tHe EnD iS nEaR
I'm about to chug half a pot of coffee and see how many miracles I can work before my bed finds me.
I'm about to chug half a pot of coffee and see how many miracles I can work before my bed finds me.
It's nice to be wrong in the good way for a change
Posted 6 months agoSo the rest of my teammates impressed me.
They ALL showed up early to work on the presentation and we got it to an acceptable state before class time.
Still needs some polish before our "Final Showcase" but that was a HUGE relief.
13 days remain... lol
They ALL showed up early to work on the presentation and we got it to an acceptable state before class time.
Still needs some polish before our "Final Showcase" but that was a HUGE relief.
13 days remain... lol
EEK
Posted 6 months agoMajor presentation? tomorrow.
My group? hideously under-prepared
Project status? Marginally functional
Ffffffffffffffffffffffffff... LET'S DO THIS!!!!!
x.x
My group? hideously under-prepared
Project status? Marginally functional
Ffffffffffffffffffffffffff... LET'S DO THIS!!!!!
x.x
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Posted 6 months agoJust over 4 weeks left my program.
I'm fine....
I got this...
tOtAlLy nOt LoSiNg mY MiNd... iT's FiNe....
*TWITCH* *TWITCH*
I'm fine....
I got this...
tOtAlLy nOt LoSiNg mY MiNd... iT's FiNe....
*TWITCH* *TWITCH*
Vent... Probably delete this later
Posted 6 months agoI need to vent my emotions a little and I don't have a therapist right now.... SO.... let's spam my journal instead! lol
School is rough. Tomorrow it's precisely a month until I'm done my program... Which is equal parts exciting and UTTERLY terrifying going into this probably-a-recession economy to find a job. I'm leading our capstone project team, and we had to remove one of our team members. I had the support of the others, but even so it was emotionally exhausting making sure we were being fair to that person, and handling things correctly. I hope thing go better for that person next semester so they can focus.
On top of that I'm sorely hurting for in-person intimacy, or even much socialization period. Made one friend through school, but it's more of a mentor role on my part because hes' so much younger. Because this house is in one of the "nicer" parts of the city, nobody I know lives nearby thanks to the cost of living catastrophe... School has meant almost no time (or money) to make connections.
Had a few abortive attempts at relationships or casual with local people, but none of it has worked out. Not even sure the last time I was actually touched by another person in the ways I ache for at this point... let alone had just calm, cozy intimacy. It's so bad I see posts like this or this and my heart actually skips a beat... then reality re-asserts itself.
Artemis is kind and wonderful, and I treasure her... But she's so far away in another country, and the way life is for both of us the chances of us meeting in person are slim to none... It's just not a "making a life together" situation. Boarders and immigration are such complete and total bullshit.
It's all just an excuse to squeeze literally thousands of dollars out of you for... what? A bureaucratic nightmare of scrutiny and paperwork so you can spend years begging for another piece of paper that "legitimizes" your ability to exist in the same space as someone you care about, and then you can have the "privilege" of trying to find a job in this shyte economy so you can hopefully keep a roof over your head? I am not putting myself through that meat-grinder ever again. Twice was already too much for one lifetime.
Did get to help with a fire performance. That was awesome at least.
I just feel so burnt out and hollowed out by school, responsibilities, and loneliness.
School is rough. Tomorrow it's precisely a month until I'm done my program... Which is equal parts exciting and UTTERLY terrifying going into this probably-a-recession economy to find a job. I'm leading our capstone project team, and we had to remove one of our team members. I had the support of the others, but even so it was emotionally exhausting making sure we were being fair to that person, and handling things correctly. I hope thing go better for that person next semester so they can focus.
On top of that I'm sorely hurting for in-person intimacy, or even much socialization period. Made one friend through school, but it's more of a mentor role on my part because hes' so much younger. Because this house is in one of the "nicer" parts of the city, nobody I know lives nearby thanks to the cost of living catastrophe... School has meant almost no time (or money) to make connections.
Had a few abortive attempts at relationships or casual with local people, but none of it has worked out. Not even sure the last time I was actually touched by another person in the ways I ache for at this point... let alone had just calm, cozy intimacy. It's so bad I see posts like this or this and my heart actually skips a beat... then reality re-asserts itself.
Artemis is kind and wonderful, and I treasure her... But she's so far away in another country, and the way life is for both of us the chances of us meeting in person are slim to none... It's just not a "making a life together" situation. Boarders and immigration are such complete and total bullshit.
It's all just an excuse to squeeze literally thousands of dollars out of you for... what? A bureaucratic nightmare of scrutiny and paperwork so you can spend years begging for another piece of paper that "legitimizes" your ability to exist in the same space as someone you care about, and then you can have the "privilege" of trying to find a job in this shyte economy so you can hopefully keep a roof over your head? I am not putting myself through that meat-grinder ever again. Twice was already too much for one lifetime.
Did get to help with a fire performance. That was awesome at least.
I just feel so burnt out and hollowed out by school, responsibilities, and loneliness.
Updates and things + Bsky Codes
Posted 7 months agoTL;DR: School is driving me crazy but I'm almost done if I can survive to mid December!
Also very active on BlueSky! It's actually a good place and people are awesome.
Hit me up for an invite code! or come find me: https://bsky.app/profile/ranakanth.bsky.social
Still hanging in there with school. Last semester... could have been better, but at least I passed everything and I'm on my FINAL SEMESTER!!!
...Which is equal parts exciting, exasperating, and terrifying lol.
Hard to believe it was a year ago all that drama blew up and the club I was forced to depart the club in SL I co-founded. I'm sad it didn't survive more than a month without me, but not surprised either.
Work on my final project for school has been... a challenge. It's a group project and, well, there's VERY valid reasons those have a bad reputation. I'm trying to give it all the importance and dedication that's been impressed on me by our instructors throughout this and prior semesters. My team, on the other hand? ...Let's just say their priorities don't quite align with mine, and I'll live with creating a functional product by the time we have to present.
Going back to college for I.T. in my early 40's really hasn't been what I was hoping for. I know I'm frigging old at this point, and everyone lost their social skills during lock-down, but I was really hoping to find some peers and social connections. Instead it's mostly been, "oh hey, you're smart and from the times before smartphones made us dumb, so you know how to figure stuff out for yourself!!! ...Can you help me with the homework for this course???" Like... I just read the assignment and spent 5-10 minutes googling how to do the stuff right before you pinged me... Did you even try, or just give up when you realized ChatGPT doesn't actually know how to solve this stuff?
Honestly, I started out being more helpful, but that cost me a few times. So now I'm focused on my own performance and graduating first, anything else second.
That aside... yay, running out of money fuck fuck fuck need to figure something out lol fuuuuuuuuuck.
I'll survive, just... GAAAAAAAH. I'm so close, I didn't need added financial stress.
Beyond that, I've made huge strides getting the hoarder house I'm living in cleaned up. There's still a bunch to do, but if I get clever I think I can rearrange what's left to give me a proper living space to set up a couch and TV so I can gasp have people over! Would be nice to be able to do that for the first time without feeling I have to be self conscious for all the [not my stuff] stacked to the literal ceiling.
Progress! Progress!!!!
Just need to stay vaguely sane long enough to make it to the finish line!
Also bluesky is becoming really nice! So many artists there and people actually interact positively... there's no algorithm so people aren't constantly second-guessing how to get seen. Yes it's still a bit buggy and sadly no animated GIFs or videos yet, but words can't properly convey how much more lively it feels. Compared to the current state of Twitter (I will NEVER call it "X" unless I'm being deliberately ironic) It's like getting out of a bad relationship and remembering how to have fun again.
Seriously, come check it out. I'm happy to provide invite codes.
https://bsky.app/profile/ranakanth.bsky.social
Also very active on BlueSky! It's actually a good place and people are awesome.
Hit me up for an invite code! or come find me: https://bsky.app/profile/ranakanth.bsky.social
Still hanging in there with school. Last semester... could have been better, but at least I passed everything and I'm on my FINAL SEMESTER!!!
...Which is equal parts exciting, exasperating, and terrifying lol.
Hard to believe it was a year ago all that drama blew up and the club I was forced to depart the club in SL I co-founded. I'm sad it didn't survive more than a month without me, but not surprised either.
Work on my final project for school has been... a challenge. It's a group project and, well, there's VERY valid reasons those have a bad reputation. I'm trying to give it all the importance and dedication that's been impressed on me by our instructors throughout this and prior semesters. My team, on the other hand? ...Let's just say their priorities don't quite align with mine, and I'll live with creating a functional product by the time we have to present.
Going back to college for I.T. in my early 40's really hasn't been what I was hoping for. I know I'm frigging old at this point, and everyone lost their social skills during lock-down, but I was really hoping to find some peers and social connections. Instead it's mostly been, "oh hey, you're smart and from the times before smartphones made us dumb, so you know how to figure stuff out for yourself!!! ...Can you help me with the homework for this course???" Like... I just read the assignment and spent 5-10 minutes googling how to do the stuff right before you pinged me... Did you even try, or just give up when you realized ChatGPT doesn't actually know how to solve this stuff?
Honestly, I started out being more helpful, but that cost me a few times. So now I'm focused on my own performance and graduating first, anything else second.
That aside... yay, running out of money fuck fuck fuck need to figure something out lol fuuuuuuuuuck.
I'll survive, just... GAAAAAAAH. I'm so close, I didn't need added financial stress.
Beyond that, I've made huge strides getting the hoarder house I'm living in cleaned up. There's still a bunch to do, but if I get clever I think I can rearrange what's left to give me a proper living space to set up a couch and TV so I can gasp have people over! Would be nice to be able to do that for the first time without feeling I have to be self conscious for all the [not my stuff] stacked to the literal ceiling.
Progress! Progress!!!!
Just need to stay vaguely sane long enough to make it to the finish line!
Also bluesky is becoming really nice! So many artists there and people actually interact positively... there's no algorithm so people aren't constantly second-guessing how to get seen. Yes it's still a bit buggy and sadly no animated GIFs or videos yet, but words can't properly convey how much more lively it feels. Compared to the current state of Twitter (I will NEVER call it "X" unless I'm being deliberately ironic) It's like getting out of a bad relationship and remembering how to have fun again.
Seriously, come check it out. I'm happy to provide invite codes.
https://bsky.app/profile/ranakanth.bsky.social
Bluesky code up for grabs!
Posted 8 months agoOffering it to any mutuals who follow me here first!
Reply or DM me to claim.
Reply or DM me to claim.
Bluesky, Social Stuff, School Stuff
Posted 9 months agoHuzzah, finally got the bluesky code I requested months ago! Find me here: https://bsky.app/profile/ranakanth.bsky.social
If anyone needs invites, I'll start getting invite codes in 2 weeks.
Also got invited to a cool Telegram server with other dragons and some cool furs too. It's been awesome finding some community and bonding with people! Hopefully I can balance a little more socializing in with school this coming semester.
Cleaning up the hoarder house I live in is still ongoing. Going to try to get my living space better under control this week. That's a long term project.
Speaking of school, UGH, a lot hinges on some decisions pending this afternoon. Long story short, [stuff happened] and I'm less than 5% away from passing one of my courses that was a prerequisite for some final semester stuff. Seeing if they're willing to either bump my grade, or if I need to propose doing both the pre-req, and the final semester course all in this semester. Claws crossed they'll just boost the mark.
Either way, getting revved up for what should be my final semester of this IT diploma, and psyched to continue working on my team's capstone project to showcase our skills! Oh... and I bought a used Dell server that I'm setting up to use for school stuff, plus practice skills or set up demos for future employers! 32 CPU cores and 96gb of RAM... Wooooooo! lol
If anyone needs invites, I'll start getting invite codes in 2 weeks.
Also got invited to a cool Telegram server with other dragons and some cool furs too. It's been awesome finding some community and bonding with people! Hopefully I can balance a little more socializing in with school this coming semester.
Cleaning up the hoarder house I live in is still ongoing. Going to try to get my living space better under control this week. That's a long term project.
Speaking of school, UGH, a lot hinges on some decisions pending this afternoon. Long story short, [stuff happened] and I'm less than 5% away from passing one of my courses that was a prerequisite for some final semester stuff. Seeing if they're willing to either bump my grade, or if I need to propose doing both the pre-req, and the final semester course all in this semester. Claws crossed they'll just boost the mark.
Either way, getting revved up for what should be my final semester of this IT diploma, and psyched to continue working on my team's capstone project to showcase our skills! Oh... and I bought a used Dell server that I'm setting up to use for school stuff, plus practice skills or set up demos for future employers! 32 CPU cores and 96gb of RAM... Wooooooo! lol
Ex-birdy. Note me if you want to try Pillowfort
Posted 10 months agoAnother announcement by the petulant billionaire man-child, another sign that what was Twitter is circling closer to the drain.
Really wish these assclowns would stop screwing stuff us "mere mortals" actually care about and had a real use for. No BlueSky invite for me yet... and I'm still iffy on that platform given they seem to be pro-AI and allow hate groups.
If anyone wants to try PillowFort (very similar to early Tumblr, and it's NSFW friendly) note or DM me and I'll toss you an invite.
Really wish these assclowns would stop screwing stuff us "mere mortals" actually care about and had a real use for. No BlueSky invite for me yet... and I'm still iffy on that platform given they seem to be pro-AI and allow hate groups.
If anyone wants to try PillowFort (very similar to early Tumblr, and it's NSFW friendly) note or DM me and I'll toss you an invite.
Haven't journaled in a while, so um... Dragons!
Posted a year agoThere's countless things right now I could bitch about.
However, instead I wish to share the random thought: In my time on the interwebz since the late 90s, I am eternally happy and spoiled by the mind-bogglingly huge amount of high quality dragon art available these days.
So "thank you" to all the (actual people) out there making all this gorgeous dragon, furry, fantasy, and other art.
That is all.
However, instead I wish to share the random thought: In my time on the interwebz since the late 90s, I am eternally happy and spoiled by the mind-bogglingly huge amount of high quality dragon art available these days.
So "thank you" to all the (actual people) out there making all this gorgeous dragon, furry, fantasy, and other art.
That is all.
Fine... F**k It... I WILL persevere.
Posted a year agoI'm still appalled at the results of the provincial election.
Instead of just run-of-the-mill conservatives, the most extreme right-wing "take back Alberta" (a name which is truly absurd because this province has been conservative AF for longer than I've been alive... so who exactly are they "taking it back" from???) psychos just got handed the reins to the province as voted by 55% of the population.
The needle has shifted so far right that our centrist party, which would could practically be called regular conservatives, are somehow considered "Liberal" Well, regardless, fuck the "united con-artists"... er, I mean "conservatives"... I will personally persevere, and I will do everything I can to support my friends as well.
As for whether I'm relocating after school? ...We'll see what things are like when I graduate at the end of December. I am BEYOND disappointed and borderline enraged that voters would rather blindly vote conservative rather than look at the facts. I hope those who did get screwed first.
Back to school work for me.
Instead of just run-of-the-mill conservatives, the most extreme right-wing "take back Alberta" (a name which is truly absurd because this province has been conservative AF for longer than I've been alive... so who exactly are they "taking it back" from???) psychos just got handed the reins to the province as voted by 55% of the population.
The needle has shifted so far right that our centrist party, which would could practically be called regular conservatives, are somehow considered "Liberal" Well, regardless, fuck the "united con-artists"... er, I mean "conservatives"... I will personally persevere, and I will do everything I can to support my friends as well.
As for whether I'm relocating after school? ...We'll see what things are like when I graduate at the end of December. I am BEYOND disappointed and borderline enraged that voters would rather blindly vote conservative rather than look at the facts. I hope those who did get screwed first.
Back to school work for me.
Hope? Nope.
Posted a year agoWhat the fuck is wrong with people?
Despite my vote, and piles of evidence of corruption and mis-management, the Conservatives got back in for the next 4 years or more.
Goodbye public healthcare, our pensions, public services, jobs, and any social progress from the past 50 years.
Hello more wildfires, scandals, racism, sexism, anti-LGBTQA++ laws, fascism, q-anon BS, unaffordable utility bills, and legislation that will make us look like Texas or Florida [derogatory].
Now I have to try to find somewhere less fascist to live after I graduate. 😔
Despite my vote, and piles of evidence of corruption and mis-management, the Conservatives got back in for the next 4 years or more.
Goodbye public healthcare, our pensions, public services, jobs, and any social progress from the past 50 years.
Hello more wildfires, scandals, racism, sexism, anti-LGBTQA++ laws, fascism, q-anon BS, unaffordable utility bills, and legislation that will make us look like Texas or Florida [derogatory].
Now I have to try to find somewhere less fascist to live after I graduate. 😔
Currently biting my claws in anticipation.
Posted a year agoStill plugging away at my college program. I'm a month into my 2nd last semester. Stuff is going better in general EXCEPT....
...I live in the right-wing nutcase MAGA-infested texas/florida of Canada! We're currently waiting on the election results to see if santiy managed to prevail, and we get a marginally-left-mostly centrist party in power, or if we get to keep the MAGA-loving ultra-right-wing psychopaths currently in power.
I wish I was exaggerating... you can literally see vehicles driving here with pro-trump bumper stickers, people extolling how we should become the 51st state, and USA style healthcare is "just fine". It was bad enough before with just a typical corporate shill conservative goverment fucking us over... But apparently the previous guy wasn't sufficiently deranged, so the local f@scist contingent literally staged a voter coup when the right-wing party's leadership came up for reivew. They then installed our current premier (equivalent of state governor) who's spent the last 20 years making her career spewing Q-anon and other right-wing nut-bar conspiracy bullshit.
Every week (or few days) since then has seen another cheeto-esque news headline about them trying to privatize our healthcare USA-style, comparing folks who got vaccinated to n@zis, and how she idolizes ron desantis in florida... We've had freedumb rallies, even though covid restrictions were lifted months ago. People getting attacked, hate crimes on the rise, blatant corruption, defunding of social programs, and a build up of the same anti-LGTBQA and violently regressive bullshit sweeping our neighbor to the south.
And yet somehow this is going to be a close race in the polls??? I can't deal with this anymore. I'm stressing out. I should not be living in fear to express myself as a left-leaning person in public, for fear some proud-to-be-white-and-racist asshole in a pickup truck might take that as an excuse to run me down, rough me up, or worse, just to prove how tiny his penis is.
If the united con-artist party gets re-elected, I need to figure out somewhere else to live after I graduate my program at the end of the year... Hopefully before this place completely descends into being a shamelessly f@scist hell-hole.
For the love of all that's good and reasonable in this world, I'm hoping for good news... but I know better that to expect it.
...I live in the right-wing nutcase MAGA-infested texas/florida of Canada! We're currently waiting on the election results to see if santiy managed to prevail, and we get a marginally-left-mostly centrist party in power, or if we get to keep the MAGA-loving ultra-right-wing psychopaths currently in power.
I wish I was exaggerating... you can literally see vehicles driving here with pro-trump bumper stickers, people extolling how we should become the 51st state, and USA style healthcare is "just fine". It was bad enough before with just a typical corporate shill conservative goverment fucking us over... But apparently the previous guy wasn't sufficiently deranged, so the local f@scist contingent literally staged a voter coup when the right-wing party's leadership came up for reivew. They then installed our current premier (equivalent of state governor) who's spent the last 20 years making her career spewing Q-anon and other right-wing nut-bar conspiracy bullshit.
Every week (or few days) since then has seen another cheeto-esque news headline about them trying to privatize our healthcare USA-style, comparing folks who got vaccinated to n@zis, and how she idolizes ron desantis in florida... We've had freedumb rallies, even though covid restrictions were lifted months ago. People getting attacked, hate crimes on the rise, blatant corruption, defunding of social programs, and a build up of the same anti-LGTBQA and violently regressive bullshit sweeping our neighbor to the south.
And yet somehow this is going to be a close race in the polls??? I can't deal with this anymore. I'm stressing out. I should not be living in fear to express myself as a left-leaning person in public, for fear some proud-to-be-white-and-racist asshole in a pickup truck might take that as an excuse to run me down, rough me up, or worse, just to prove how tiny his penis is.
If the united con-artist party gets re-elected, I need to figure out somewhere else to live after I graduate my program at the end of the year... Hopefully before this place completely descends into being a shamelessly f@scist hell-hole.
For the love of all that's good and reasonable in this world, I'm hoping for good news... but I know better that to expect it.