It my birfday UwU
Posted a month ago36 years on this chaotic ball we call home in the cosmos...so why do I not feel it?; I feel like I'm still in my 20's XD Hope everyones having a good day! ♥
Giving a signal boost!
Posted a year agoJust promoting my loving Daddy for art commissions, he is my go to artist even before he tugged my collar, he trustworthy and if it's not to his highest standards he wont put it out! Anyone who needs art or even wants art with any of my characters lemme know or note him! :D <3 He could use the help anyway and I wanna get more arts with people! ♥
Hmmm...interesting.
Posted a year agoJust a short and to the point note, either I've been getting favorites from a bunch of bots that FA purges now and then OR...people in the IFN are still gaslighting and talking crap - over the last week I've noticed I'll get like six to ten favorites a day, then lose half of them, then when I got home just now from work I lost over FORTY-FIVE favorites. I'm just trying to confirm if anyone else has seen this or is something actually going on? like is this normal and I'm just NOW experiencing it?
Group known as the IFN Discord Server
Posted a year agoToday I was kicked from it for reasons that are untrue, they have convinced themselves that I went to an artist and handed them the ref sheet of someone from within and told the artist - copy this persons character. First of all I don't know of any artist of any reputation that would even consider doing that, I know the ones I go to wouldn't and would likely bar me from commissioning them again for it. Secondly I'm not fucking ignorant and stupid...that's plagiarism and copyright. This was based of an model I put together inside second life, for those who look at my profile you can physically SEE the photos I used for reference - it's Tatsumi. WHY would I in any given heck use someone else's ref when I have my own physical 3D model RIGHT there?
Regardless, they took this other persons side, despite the evidence presented. This person even tried talking to me and the conversation was rather civil but I told them I had to go to work and the discussion would have to be paused, sadly it seems they weren't prepared to wait, as when I got home I learned I was banned...permanently, no discussion, no talk, no hearing my side, just theirs and sealing my fate. It's like being handed a conviction in letter form then getting slammed with the hammer, no trial, no jury, no civil discussion. I feel this was extreme and rather childish to do but, what can I do?; I am one person vs. many, they will say what they will and I will say my part, in the end who doesn't believe me doesn't believe me and I will nod to them, then move on.
I had a lot of good times in there but in the end I was thrown out and thrown away despite my innocence, just goes to show that even when your doing the right thing and being good, you still get punished for it, so this is just a warning to those who get the chance to go into it - if you get eyed like this you WILL be singled out, no one will be there to help or defend you or even listen to you. Whether it be over your opinion on something, having a brand new - from scratch character that's even REMOTELY similar to another or even just making an admin angry, stay safe out there guys, hope you have a good holiday, I certainly am not...those who know me know why.
Regardless, they took this other persons side, despite the evidence presented. This person even tried talking to me and the conversation was rather civil but I told them I had to go to work and the discussion would have to be paused, sadly it seems they weren't prepared to wait, as when I got home I learned I was banned...permanently, no discussion, no talk, no hearing my side, just theirs and sealing my fate. It's like being handed a conviction in letter form then getting slammed with the hammer, no trial, no jury, no civil discussion. I feel this was extreme and rather childish to do but, what can I do?; I am one person vs. many, they will say what they will and I will say my part, in the end who doesn't believe me doesn't believe me and I will nod to them, then move on.
I had a lot of good times in there but in the end I was thrown out and thrown away despite my innocence, just goes to show that even when your doing the right thing and being good, you still get punished for it, so this is just a warning to those who get the chance to go into it - if you get eyed like this you WILL be singled out, no one will be there to help or defend you or even listen to you. Whether it be over your opinion on something, having a brand new - from scratch character that's even REMOTELY similar to another or even just making an admin angry, stay safe out there guys, hope you have a good holiday, I certainly am not...those who know me know why.
Something once locked away...
Posted 2 years agoAt first I wasn't gonna post this journal but, I suppose journals are meant to get things off of ones chest no? I'll try and keep it short though as it's less than a happy one. It IS amazing what good games can do for us yes?; more so when you find ways to edit and mod it to your liking and have further enjoyment out of it. Well a mod I did for Skyrim did just that...in both good and bad ways. First I will post what I told someone else days ago after getting about 30% into the questline followed by what I put in the mods posting section.
1:*clings to her plushie of her father, trying her best to sip coffee as she hasn't been able to eat anything else all day, she herself being a frightened scared anxiety-ridden mess, the quest that she modded into skyrim that she mentioned the night before having given her night terrors of her ex's, between the verbal abuse, the stabbings, the beatdowns, the torture*
2:THIS was absolutely amazing, not even 20% percent into the questline and I was 1000% invested in the story, learning more about Elsweyr the Khajiit and the lore. I will admit something about it, and it may be weird for me to put this here but it may show just HOW invested and well done this mod is, i promise not to go into spoilers. Hearing M'rissi's tale and the horrors she and her kin had to endure along with how horrifying the absolute WITCH the antagonist is - it unlocked something in my deep subconscious that I had thought was locked away permanently, well...evidently not.
I have known some horrible, horrible people in my life and without going into details that would make this VERY nsfw, I will sum it up as emotional, mental and physical harm against me from my ex's, people who I thought were friends and sadly even my own family. It let to a lot of pain, anguish, suffering and COUNTLESS hospital visits.
It had made for a long road of loneliness, isolation and distrust. Now for years I thought I had shaken it all off, forgotten and moved on thanks to a FEW that have stayed by my side those mentioned years. Playing this however cracked the lock on that box and it all came back to me, and its been an....unpleasant week over it so far, wishing I could forget it all again, being afraid of everyone, even those few now close to me and having night terrors of me getting hurt again. Now that I have finished the quest however, and seeing how my character and M'rissi turned out -got the best ending ?-, I am now coming to terms that maybe this isn't ALL a bad thing?; Maybe it's time I leave that box open and actually talk about it all vs. trying to keep it hidden away, just like M'rissi
Am I a bad person for hiding the pain and darkness all these years?; Some part of me feels like it, as stated above another part of me wished it had stayed locked away. Also stated above however, maybe I shouldn't try to hide and forget about it anymore? I'm still a massive wreck with my past running rampant in my head so forgive me if I take time to respond to any replies...
1:*clings to her plushie of her father, trying her best to sip coffee as she hasn't been able to eat anything else all day, she herself being a frightened scared anxiety-ridden mess, the quest that she modded into skyrim that she mentioned the night before having given her night terrors of her ex's, between the verbal abuse, the stabbings, the beatdowns, the torture*
2:THIS was absolutely amazing, not even 20% percent into the questline and I was 1000% invested in the story, learning more about Elsweyr the Khajiit and the lore. I will admit something about it, and it may be weird for me to put this here but it may show just HOW invested and well done this mod is, i promise not to go into spoilers. Hearing M'rissi's tale and the horrors she and her kin had to endure along with how horrifying the absolute WITCH the antagonist is - it unlocked something in my deep subconscious that I had thought was locked away permanently, well...evidently not.
I have known some horrible, horrible people in my life and without going into details that would make this VERY nsfw, I will sum it up as emotional, mental and physical harm against me from my ex's, people who I thought were friends and sadly even my own family. It let to a lot of pain, anguish, suffering and COUNTLESS hospital visits.
It had made for a long road of loneliness, isolation and distrust. Now for years I thought I had shaken it all off, forgotten and moved on thanks to a FEW that have stayed by my side those mentioned years. Playing this however cracked the lock on that box and it all came back to me, and its been an....unpleasant week over it so far, wishing I could forget it all again, being afraid of everyone, even those few now close to me and having night terrors of me getting hurt again. Now that I have finished the quest however, and seeing how my character and M'rissi turned out -got the best ending ?-, I am now coming to terms that maybe this isn't ALL a bad thing?; Maybe it's time I leave that box open and actually talk about it all vs. trying to keep it hidden away, just like M'rissi
Am I a bad person for hiding the pain and darkness all these years?; Some part of me feels like it, as stated above another part of me wished it had stayed locked away. Also stated above however, maybe I shouldn't try to hide and forget about it anymore? I'm still a massive wreck with my past running rampant in my head so forgive me if I take time to respond to any replies...
Why I've been silent on here luv's
Posted 2 years agoI'm preparing to move in march and then I've got work overstressing me and overworking me, roomies adding to the stress and struggle to be totally prepared for said move. Then something else I have been trying to work on...now, some might find me stupid for upset over this, other might understand, who knows: I have been cranking out a thing in 7 days to die because A:I like the game and B: this is the only game I can think of I can do it in. I have been trying to make a FNAF inspired Pizza Plex base in 7 days, however....a horrible game breaking bug that the devs have not acknowledged and therefore choose to ignore has caused me to fail finishing the project TWICE now. Heres a short version of what exactly happened, it's copied and pasted:
it broke again
[7:28 PM]
and if i cant fix it - i doubt ill ever touch this game again
[7:28 PM]
way way WAY to much work lost TWICE
[8:05 PM]
first time it broke - i tried to turn on a generator
[7:30 PM]
i couldnt drop anything, i couldnt open anything, i couldnt PLACE anything, i couldnt leave the base because i would get so far out before plummeting through the map to 125k'ms below before i crashed
[7:31 PM]
this time i tried to wire a light to a fuse box and the same result happened
[7:31 PM]
and even when i crashed off the damn thing both times - the server still kept saying there was someone online
[7:31 PM]
when there wasnt
A total of 101 real time hours GONE, I broke down sobbing both times, one of them being tonight, to the point of telling everyone: Mumako Yosei-Tenshi Kazaki — Today at 8:08 PM
i am so useless 90% of the time, this is like...one of THREE things im good at and it just keeps getting thrown in my face
Mostly because its true, I have no talents or really any skills, and to see me put my heart into something I love - FNAF, crafting, decorating - and then to see it all crash and burn just makes me wanna give up and burn down myself.
Others have told me that im not useless and they love seeing me build but...but now i dont have even evidence it even existed in the first place....so im still a useless loser, I guess this was more a rant than a journal but, I dunno, just thought some might be curious why nothings really going on, and again many might look at this and go - oh grow the heck up - or something, those people...clearly don't understand how much this meant to me.
it broke again
[7:28 PM]
and if i cant fix it - i doubt ill ever touch this game again
[7:28 PM]
way way WAY to much work lost TWICE
[8:05 PM]
first time it broke - i tried to turn on a generator
[7:30 PM]
i couldnt drop anything, i couldnt open anything, i couldnt PLACE anything, i couldnt leave the base because i would get so far out before plummeting through the map to 125k'ms below before i crashed
[7:31 PM]
this time i tried to wire a light to a fuse box and the same result happened
[7:31 PM]
and even when i crashed off the damn thing both times - the server still kept saying there was someone online
[7:31 PM]
when there wasnt
A total of 101 real time hours GONE, I broke down sobbing both times, one of them being tonight, to the point of telling everyone: Mumako Yosei-Tenshi Kazaki — Today at 8:08 PM
i am so useless 90% of the time, this is like...one of THREE things im good at and it just keeps getting thrown in my face
Mostly because its true, I have no talents or really any skills, and to see me put my heart into something I love - FNAF, crafting, decorating - and then to see it all crash and burn just makes me wanna give up and burn down myself.
Others have told me that im not useless and they love seeing me build but...but now i dont have even evidence it even existed in the first place....so im still a useless loser, I guess this was more a rant than a journal but, I dunno, just thought some might be curious why nothings really going on, and again many might look at this and go - oh grow the heck up - or something, those people...clearly don't understand how much this meant to me.
Wavelength DJ Schedule
Posted 2 years agoHello there! This is being created to help those who are hired as a DJ in Wavelength on Second Life! NOTE: The time that is used in the schedule is GMT-7:00, Second Life time, this is done to make things less confusing when scheduling, if you need help figuring this out don't be afraid to ask! It's what I'm here for! Each standard shift is consistent of two hour blocks a piece HOWEVER you CAN take a four hour block if you feel you can handle it, keep that in mind!
Purple: Permanent Block Taken
Red: Cover DJ's
White: Open Shifts!
Please look HERE, and let me know which open time block you would love!
If your currently a DJ and would love to change or take an additional shift, GREAT! Thanks for stepping up! You can message me with the following formats:
Secondlife: Veria [Alexander Quintessa] Leave me a note-card if I'm not online please!
Discord: Queen Svasci#4942 This tends to change with me swapping out characters, I will update this journal as necessary though!
Telegram: Veria_Sparkz_DejitaruKage
Steam: 85001440 this is my friend code!
Twitter: DayStar11
Discord, Telegram and Second Life are the preferred methods but any of them work! You can also leave a comment on this journal! If you are NOT with Wavelength please do not comment on this to keep the clutter down, thanks luvies! ♥
Purple: Permanent Block Taken
Red: Cover DJ's
White: Open Shifts!
Please look HERE, and let me know which open time block you would love!
If your currently a DJ and would love to change or take an additional shift, GREAT! Thanks for stepping up! You can message me with the following formats:
Secondlife: Veria [Alexander Quintessa] Leave me a note-card if I'm not online please!
Discord: Queen Svasci#4942 This tends to change with me swapping out characters, I will update this journal as necessary though!
Telegram: Veria_Sparkz_DejitaruKage
Steam: 85001440 this is my friend code!
Twitter: DayStar11
Discord, Telegram and Second Life are the preferred methods but any of them work! You can also leave a comment on this journal! If you are NOT with Wavelength please do not comment on this to keep the clutter down, thanks luvies! ♥
FF14!
Posted 2 years agoFinally getting back into FF14 and hoping to look for people to play with, right now I am on Aether's data center on Siren but once I get used to the game again I may be inclined to go onto other's. If your on there and wanna add me or give some words of wisdom going into this beast alone lemme know! Hope you're all having a wonderful day! ♥
Corporate lies - google FI editon
Posted 2 years agoOk so, normally I wouldn't post this kind of stuff, but A: I already hated google to begin with, they took away my music platform. B: They blocked me from streaming my movies to friends on discord when using chrome - greedy fucks and now C: Trying to get my replacement phone IN MY HANDS and its not even a NEW one, its a refurbished one they took a near 1K USD hold on AND it wasn't even THERE when the hold was taken!! So basically I paid for NOTHING and was told it would be here TODAY - 8/24/21 So lets break down the lies they gave me:
*$500.00 hold....no it's a $1000.00 hold and if anything happens to the phone being sent to me that money is GONE.
*It will arrive with your sim card....*holds up her new sim card and even the new phone case she got from amazon...no phone
*It will be there on the 24th....NO it will be there on the 26th because we asshat's didn't mention you technically paid for a product we didn't even have in stock upon your hold pulling.
*I deeply apologize - I have put in the notes that it will arrive by end of day....NO IT WONT!
Below is some of the chat log and YES I was pissed, aside the bullshit and lies this was the....sixth time I've talked to them? N' I WAS civil up to this point, the first chat log is of the very last lie given to me, the second is me chewing them out FOR lying to me and the guy not giving a single FUCK, not even touching the subject. I already suffer from high anxiety and blood pressure I don't need this crap. As for why I need the replacement to begin with my current phone is approaching 5.5 or so years old and the battery is SHOT, it gets to 80% then just dies AND when I charge it she gets a wee bit toasty...not good. As for why I'm even posting this...I don't know....maybe I just needed to rant, always seems to make me chill out, I should've fucking known googles corporate sense of hierarchy would seep downward....either that or corporate shackles just trying to SQUEEZE EVERY penny they can out of you.
3:22 PM
C
Hi!
Thanks for contacting Google Support, my name is Charu.
In case, you need to refer to this chat interaction in the future, please take note of the following ID -3-1056000031967.
Veria, I understand that you have not received a replacement device and would like to file a complaint.
Please be assured, I'll be happy to help you with it.
Charu · 3:24 PM
Hello, and yes. It was supposed to be delivered today as per the email reference and it has not so I was told in such a situation to contact support again.
3:24 PM
C
Please allow me 4-5 minutes here.
Thanks for the wait.
I have checked the order and the estimated delivery date of the device is August 26, 2021 and you should get the device delivered by the estimated delivery date.
Charu · 3:30 PM
nonono
the original estimated delivery was for 23-24
whoever did this cant just change the date willy nilly because it suits them better, i wont BE here the 26th! I need the phone NOW
3:31 PM
C
I understand how inconvenient this would be for you but that the estimated delivery date and you will receive the device.
Charu · 3:33 PM
no i wont....because itll get STOLEN
thats why it needs to come when i am HERE
i will not be responsivble for a stolen device!
we have HUGE issues with mail theft in this area and when i got my sim card fedex just left it on the doorstep! I need it expedited to where it will be delivered TODAY or in the morning when I am home
3:34 PM
C
Sure, I will add the notes and make sure that the device is delivered to you.
Charu · 3:37 PM
today or tomorrow?
3:37 PM
C
By the end the of the day.
Charu · 3:37 PM
please, tell me, today or tomorrow? i wanna know when i need to be alert for it
just clarifying is all
3:38 PM
C
Today itself.
Charu · 3:39 PM
I will keep an eye out for it thank you, I apologize but my current phone isn't helping my worry - it WAS dying at 60% but now its dying at 80% and the last few times I've tried charging it - it was getting kinda warm.
3:40 PM
C
Thanks for understanding.
Is there anything else I may help you with today?
Charu · 3:41 PM
no that was all thank you
3:41 PM
C
It's my pleasure assisting you.
Charu left the chat.
3:41 PM
Thanks for contacting Google Fi chat support. Your chat session is now complete.
Charu · 3:41 PM
Hi.
Thanks for contacting Google Support. My name is Kashish.
In case you need to refer to this chat interaction in the future, please take note of the following ID 6-1722000031238.
Veria, I can understand that you are concerned about replacement phone order.
Is that correct?
Kashish · 10:20 PM
Yes
10:20 PM
K
Not to worry. I'll surely help you.
Kashish · 10:24 PM
It was originally set to be delivered 8/24 - then it was changed to 25-26 which is unaccaptable as I will be here thursday and we have horrible mail thieves, I needed it TO-DAY. I told this to the support person I spoke with at about 3:40pm, they told me they put in the notes that it would be delivered by end of today and it is now nearly 10:30 pm and it has not arrvied.
not be here thursday*
10:24 PM
K
I've checked & ould like to inform you that as stocks were not available so that is the reason estimated delivery date got changed. You will receive it as per updated estimated delivery date that is Aug 26.
Kashish · 10:28 PM
no
i wikll not
i need it now, i will not be here!!
it either be stolen or the heat will destroy it|! do you not understand that?!
it is NOT MY ISSUE that it wasn't in stock!
do i need to call corporate tomorrow ENDLESSLY until this is resolved?! To tell them that their google fi support teams need MAJOR reform because of the liars that have been hired?!!
TWICE now I have been lied too by google support! and I am SICK of it!!
I am not some MORON that you people think you have fun and toy with!!
and how is something out of stock if its REFURBISHED?!
10:32 PM
K
I understand your concern however in this case if you will not be available at the delivery address tomorror then you can call FedEx and hold your package with them & later pick it up.
Kashish · 10:34 PM
and if so that means thats another LIE - it means i paid for something that wasn't even THERE at the time! where to do the lies STOP>?!!
nnono
\it will be here TOMORROW!!
no L<ATER!
fuckling sick of kickied around!! do you8 people |ENJ|OY this?!
10:34 PM
K
Yes!
Kashish · 10:34 PM
then why was i told T-O-N-I-G-H-T?!!
10:35 PM
K
I understand your frustration, but I'd like you to stop using offensive language so that I can continue helping you solve this issue.
Kashish · 10:35 PM
ok ok ok so im supposed to stop being offensive and just take the abuse, take the lies and suck it up, is that it?
10:35 PM
K
I have helped you with the correct information as per the process.
Is there anything else I may help you with today?
Kashish · 10:36 PM
then why have others LIED?
why LIE to me?!
i WILL be sending the screenshots over to corporate and accross the social media chats and sights I am on showing the lies and deceitfulness of google and google fi, NO phone company is worth this emotional abuse and lies
it better arrive tomorrow when I am actually home, I will NOT be responsible for a broken or stolen device - also as far as picking it up myself....yeah no, I don't have a car and being a born asthmatic is a no go walking in this heat
10:38 PM
K
I'm sorry to hear about your frustration regarding {order delivery issue}. If you still feel strongly about contacting media, you are entitled to do so. However, please understand that your case was handled according to our current policy and there's nothing further we can do.
Kashish · 10:39 PM
of course not, its no longer in your hands - push it onto the CONSUMER! blame it on THEM if anything happens
10:39 PM
K
Before I end this chat, is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Kashish · 10:40 PM
if its not here tomorrow i will be contacting AGAIN....and AGAIN../..util a replacement is ACTUALLY in my hands and once it IS i will be contacting AGAIN for my hold refund
10:40 PM
K
Sure once device gets delivered you can contact us back & we will help you accordingly.
nothing further no
10:42 PM
Kashish left the chat.
10:43 PM
K
Thanks for contacting Google Fi chat support. Your chat session is now complete.
*$500.00 hold....no it's a $1000.00 hold and if anything happens to the phone being sent to me that money is GONE.
*It will arrive with your sim card....*holds up her new sim card and even the new phone case she got from amazon...no phone
*It will be there on the 24th....NO it will be there on the 26th because we asshat's didn't mention you technically paid for a product we didn't even have in stock upon your hold pulling.
*I deeply apologize - I have put in the notes that it will arrive by end of day....NO IT WONT!
Below is some of the chat log and YES I was pissed, aside the bullshit and lies this was the....sixth time I've talked to them? N' I WAS civil up to this point, the first chat log is of the very last lie given to me, the second is me chewing them out FOR lying to me and the guy not giving a single FUCK, not even touching the subject. I already suffer from high anxiety and blood pressure I don't need this crap. As for why I need the replacement to begin with my current phone is approaching 5.5 or so years old and the battery is SHOT, it gets to 80% then just dies AND when I charge it she gets a wee bit toasty...not good. As for why I'm even posting this...I don't know....maybe I just needed to rant, always seems to make me chill out, I should've fucking known googles corporate sense of hierarchy would seep downward....either that or corporate shackles just trying to SQUEEZE EVERY penny they can out of you.
3:22 PM
C
Hi!
Thanks for contacting Google Support, my name is Charu.
In case, you need to refer to this chat interaction in the future, please take note of the following ID -3-1056000031967.
Veria, I understand that you have not received a replacement device and would like to file a complaint.
Please be assured, I'll be happy to help you with it.
Charu · 3:24 PM
Hello, and yes. It was supposed to be delivered today as per the email reference and it has not so I was told in such a situation to contact support again.
3:24 PM
C
Please allow me 4-5 minutes here.
Thanks for the wait.
I have checked the order and the estimated delivery date of the device is August 26, 2021 and you should get the device delivered by the estimated delivery date.
Charu · 3:30 PM
nonono
the original estimated delivery was for 23-24
whoever did this cant just change the date willy nilly because it suits them better, i wont BE here the 26th! I need the phone NOW
3:31 PM
C
I understand how inconvenient this would be for you but that the estimated delivery date and you will receive the device.
Charu · 3:33 PM
no i wont....because itll get STOLEN
thats why it needs to come when i am HERE
i will not be responsivble for a stolen device!
we have HUGE issues with mail theft in this area and when i got my sim card fedex just left it on the doorstep! I need it expedited to where it will be delivered TODAY or in the morning when I am home
3:34 PM
C
Sure, I will add the notes and make sure that the device is delivered to you.
Charu · 3:37 PM
today or tomorrow?
3:37 PM
C
By the end the of the day.
Charu · 3:37 PM
please, tell me, today or tomorrow? i wanna know when i need to be alert for it
just clarifying is all
3:38 PM
C
Today itself.
Charu · 3:39 PM
I will keep an eye out for it thank you, I apologize but my current phone isn't helping my worry - it WAS dying at 60% but now its dying at 80% and the last few times I've tried charging it - it was getting kinda warm.
3:40 PM
C
Thanks for understanding.
Is there anything else I may help you with today?
Charu · 3:41 PM
no that was all thank you
3:41 PM
C
It's my pleasure assisting you.
Charu left the chat.
3:41 PM
Thanks for contacting Google Fi chat support. Your chat session is now complete.
Charu · 3:41 PM
Hi.
Thanks for contacting Google Support. My name is Kashish.
In case you need to refer to this chat interaction in the future, please take note of the following ID 6-1722000031238.
Veria, I can understand that you are concerned about replacement phone order.
Is that correct?
Kashish · 10:20 PM
Yes
10:20 PM
K
Not to worry. I'll surely help you.
Kashish · 10:24 PM
It was originally set to be delivered 8/24 - then it was changed to 25-26 which is unaccaptable as I will be here thursday and we have horrible mail thieves, I needed it TO-DAY. I told this to the support person I spoke with at about 3:40pm, they told me they put in the notes that it would be delivered by end of today and it is now nearly 10:30 pm and it has not arrvied.
not be here thursday*
10:24 PM
K
I've checked & ould like to inform you that as stocks were not available so that is the reason estimated delivery date got changed. You will receive it as per updated estimated delivery date that is Aug 26.
Kashish · 10:28 PM
no
i wikll not
i need it now, i will not be here!!
it either be stolen or the heat will destroy it|! do you not understand that?!
it is NOT MY ISSUE that it wasn't in stock!
do i need to call corporate tomorrow ENDLESSLY until this is resolved?! To tell them that their google fi support teams need MAJOR reform because of the liars that have been hired?!!
TWICE now I have been lied too by google support! and I am SICK of it!!
I am not some MORON that you people think you have fun and toy with!!
and how is something out of stock if its REFURBISHED?!
10:32 PM
K
I understand your concern however in this case if you will not be available at the delivery address tomorror then you can call FedEx and hold your package with them & later pick it up.
Kashish · 10:34 PM
and if so that means thats another LIE - it means i paid for something that wasn't even THERE at the time! where to do the lies STOP>?!!
nnono
\it will be here TOMORROW!!
no L<ATER!
fuckling sick of kickied around!! do you8 people |ENJ|OY this?!
10:34 PM
K
Yes!
Kashish · 10:34 PM
then why was i told T-O-N-I-G-H-T?!!
10:35 PM
K
I understand your frustration, but I'd like you to stop using offensive language so that I can continue helping you solve this issue.
Kashish · 10:35 PM
ok ok ok so im supposed to stop being offensive and just take the abuse, take the lies and suck it up, is that it?
10:35 PM
K
I have helped you with the correct information as per the process.
Is there anything else I may help you with today?
Kashish · 10:36 PM
then why have others LIED?
why LIE to me?!
i WILL be sending the screenshots over to corporate and accross the social media chats and sights I am on showing the lies and deceitfulness of google and google fi, NO phone company is worth this emotional abuse and lies
it better arrive tomorrow when I am actually home, I will NOT be responsible for a broken or stolen device - also as far as picking it up myself....yeah no, I don't have a car and being a born asthmatic is a no go walking in this heat
10:38 PM
K
I'm sorry to hear about your frustration regarding {order delivery issue}. If you still feel strongly about contacting media, you are entitled to do so. However, please understand that your case was handled according to our current policy and there's nothing further we can do.
Kashish · 10:39 PM
of course not, its no longer in your hands - push it onto the CONSUMER! blame it on THEM if anything happens
10:39 PM
K
Before I end this chat, is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Kashish · 10:40 PM
if its not here tomorrow i will be contacting AGAIN....and AGAIN../..util a replacement is ACTUALLY in my hands and once it IS i will be contacting AGAIN for my hold refund
10:40 PM
K
Sure once device gets delivered you can contact us back & we will help you accordingly.
nothing further no
10:42 PM
Kashish left the chat.
10:43 PM
K
Thanks for contacting Google Fi chat support. Your chat session is now complete.
Faves and watches! O*o
Posted 3 years agoHolly flak cannons guys! Thank you so much for all the faves and watches, to be honest they've been flowing in so fast I haven't been able to keep up with the thanks - so THANK you too the ones who have watched and faved my things! ♥♥♫ I promise I'll get back to writing soon! I THINK I know where to start but if you guys have any ideas on things you would like to see or see more OF let me know! ♥♥ Also been thinking on what I should do for my bday coming on the 21st uwu. ♪
Why no stories?!
Posted 3 years agoIn case anyone has been curious as to why I haven't uploaded any stories, short OR long lately. Aside what one of my recent posts will show, there has also been a mass of events going on in my games, and I have been trying milk them for everything their worth, last one to go is warframe's event, after that is back to grinding on stories and content for you guys! I HAVE started a good bit into one story already, so it will all be back to normal soon, hope you guys had a wonderful holiday and a grand start to the year!
Where the bun has been:
Posted 3 years agoFirst off I hope everyone has been doing ok during this big mess and I truly appreciate the love, support and feedback you all have been giving me, it means a LOT to me. As for where I have been, my work has been a scrambled mess and ass much my schedule has been just as scrambled. My mother continues to be as stressful as ever, but I have been doing my best to ignore her calls and texts, only calling when it's convenient for me, though this last time was pretty bad, she was guilt tripping me for not being able to loan her two thousand dollars.
ANYWAY, obviously I FINALLY posted a new story along with some new refs of the lovely commander with much much more to come! To those who have been faving and watching thank you thank you THANK YOU! You guys are awesome and amazing! With that I want to post that I am gonna try my best to get back to grinding for lore and content, also with that I want to ask what you guys might wanna read or hear about next, The Commander and or The Warden in action or among the city bein themselves? Dr. Kross and what EXACTLY he has planned for the city and supers in general? How the interaction with shadowsurge and other hero's would go they try to mess with Daddy's things as per his orders? Let me know!
This will also be an open Q&A journal, if you have any questions DO feel free to post them and I will get to them as soon as I can! <3 If you want to also find me on telegram or discord and join the server I have started for rp and to announce when my radio show goes on let me know!
Also for a spot of fun, when I was doing a show from within sl - someone pm'ed me and told me they couldn't tip, they gave me a VERY smooth recording of me and my glaceon working a pole on the main stage, was so cute. Was too big to upload to FA BUT I put it on dropbox so if you wanna see it, Here ya go!
ANYWAY, obviously I FINALLY posted a new story along with some new refs of the lovely commander with much much more to come! To those who have been faving and watching thank you thank you THANK YOU! You guys are awesome and amazing! With that I want to post that I am gonna try my best to get back to grinding for lore and content, also with that I want to ask what you guys might wanna read or hear about next, The Commander and or The Warden in action or among the city bein themselves? Dr. Kross and what EXACTLY he has planned for the city and supers in general? How the interaction with shadowsurge and other hero's would go they try to mess with Daddy's things as per his orders? Let me know!
This will also be an open Q&A journal, if you have any questions DO feel free to post them and I will get to them as soon as I can! <3 If you want to also find me on telegram or discord and join the server I have started for rp and to announce when my radio show goes on let me know!
Also for a spot of fun, when I was doing a show from within sl - someone pm'ed me and told me they couldn't tip, they gave me a VERY smooth recording of me and my glaceon working a pole on the main stage, was so cute. Was too big to upload to FA BUT I put it on dropbox so if you wanna see it, Here ya go!
Just checking in <3
Posted 4 years agoWhile my work continues to hammer down on me along with my mother and certain people online - of which I've started some rather large block lists. I wanted to say thank you to those who have supported me and been there for me, those who replied to my last journal - special thanks too you <3
As for those who continue to fave and watch me, thank you as well! I've been rambling with my rl so much that I haven't been able to do much of anything on here. Your love and attention is appreciated, you all are awesome! <3
As for those who continue to fave and watch me, thank you as well! I've been rambling with my rl so much that I haven't been able to do much of anything on here. Your love and attention is appreciated, you all are awesome! <3
What's been going on, where have I been?
Posted 4 years agoSo it seems it has come time to make this, just so everyone that gives a damn about me knows what's been going on and why it seems like my emotions are running like a dodge dart with nitro ports that go off on their own and a leaking fuel tank.This is going to be a bit sporadic but you will just have to deal as I go over things as they come to me. SO...let's go through the list shall we?
*My mother, the piece of family I have left...loves to talk me down, assume things, degrade me and attempts to manipulate me. I will give you some examples of our lovely conversations:
(1/9) HELLO R U EVER GOING TO CALL!!!!! U DID NOT CARE TO CALL OR
(2/9) TEXT OR EVEN SAY FUCKING KISS MY ASS !!! AFTER MY SURGERY... BUT
(3/9) THEN I REMEMBERED U TOLD ME ONCE U DID NOT CARE TO CALL ... AND
(4/9) SO NOW I KNOW WHERE I STAND WITH U!!! YESSS I AM ANGERY AND
(5/9) VERY HURT... I MEAN THINK ABOUT IT..., I TRY AND HELP U I BUY
(6/9) U STUFF I CUT MY SELF SHORT IN EVERY WAY... I AM SORRY THIS
(7/9) HURTS AND HURTS BUT THE TRUTH HURTS AND IT CAN ISS A PRESON OFF.
(8/9) I AM JUST TELLING HOW I SEE AND THINGS AND FEEL... TAKE CARE
M
(9/9) . I LOVE U... BUT I AM FUCKING DONE... MA
To clear this up: I tried calling my BROTHER who was in the lobby because she was in surgery to see how she was doing, he never picked up his fucking phone any of the four times I tried. The next day I had work and this is when she sent this. I explained myself and told her I would send her the call logs but she never replied so I dropped it, as for her getting me things...I KEEP TELLING HER NOT TOO!! Because THIS is the kind of crap it will lead too! N’ I am just OVER it!
(1/33) Hi, don't get mad at me but I just want to get something off my
(2/33)chest I love you with all my heart but I just got to be honest
(3/33)here I think you the reason you don't want to get me anything
(4/33)for Christmas is or anyting get me anything for anyting any
(5/33)holiday any birthday is I mean it's not because you say you told
(6/33) me that you might have that you probably you'll have to help
(7/33)your lady live with and her daughter out with her truck getting
(8/33)it fixed well I'm not that dumb if she's in the military and her
(9/33) husband was in the military or whatever she has a pension and
(10/33)if she's retired that pension is pretty good and if he has a job
(11/33) and more than likely her house is paid off more than likely
(12/33)even if it's not I just want to say I wasn't born yesterday if
(13/33)you don't want to help me or ever or get me any presents let me
(14/33) know instead of making up these excuses that don't make sense
(15/33)I'm sorry but I'm just like I am willing to help you with your
(16/33)insurance I'm willing to send you a Christmas gift even though
(17/33)it's going to be late but and you're not getting the car yet
(18/33)and it's like you know I love you but you're going to get angry
(19/33) at me for this but in a way you're kind of like your father
(20/33)you don't want to spend anything on anybody I'm sorry that's
(21/33)just my opinion in the way it feels and he didn't like talking
(22/33)to me either it just that's how I feel Phillip I'm sorry I had
(23/33)to get that off my chest I love you but I really sometimes I
(24/33)feel like you just don't care I'm sorry I just don't know how
(25/33)else to say it I'm just really frustrated I mean I've given you
(26/33) guys everything I have I've had the same fucking talk with
(27/33)Andrew I can't do this I've got to start taking care of myself
(28/33)because I haven't gotten myself clothes in years I haven't I
(29/33)mean you only have gotten myself is electronics not because I
(30/33)keep on wearing them out I'm sorry I just had to tell you how I
(31/33) felt and I've had to say like I said I've had the same talk
(32/33)with your brother I'm sorry I'm just frustrated I mean I I
KAC.
RIGHT!; let us break this one down too!: At the time I could not afford to get anyone gifts, I was saving for my first car...that plan had fallen through, we will get to that later. At the time my roomie's truck broke and if she couldn’t get to work we were all screwed so I had to see if she was going to need a loan. Luckily she didn’t, she got a good deal on a brand new car and turned the truck in for a trade.
As for the military thing mentioned...it was my roomies DAD that was in the military and the reason they were able to afford their house easily, but he passed away in 2018 and since then they struggled to pay for this house, 3500 usd a month plus 4000 usd a year for property tax. We have moved from that house into this much smaller townhouse because of it, the house - the house her and her daughter grew up in is now gone- THAT alone was enough for that piece from my mother to be insulting.
Then we come to the part where my mom is going on about how she has needed clothes and shit for years, yet KEEPS GIVING MY BROTHER ALL HER SPARE MONEY! Along with buying me and my brother gifts that I KNOW we both can get on our fucking own! STOP GETTING US SHIT MA!! As for the insurance she means my renters and to-be car insurance, when I told her the premium is low enough that I can EASY pay for it all myself, when it’s due I’m going to contact the insurance agent and tell him I’M paying for it.
She does things for me then holds it over my head, talks down to be and treats me like trash, and the guilt trips HOO BOY!; the GUILT TRIPS!! Plenty of those being thrown at me!
This last time we talked she asked If I wanted anything for my birthday, I said no...then the day OF my birthday she came begging me for money because once again she let my brother bully her out of every fucking penny she has! He lives across the hall from her even though for a spell he had a restraining order on him to stay away from her for years due to...let’s call them multiple infractions, you wanna know em? ASK me...I’m not posting them here.
When I started asking questions about her stimulus check from the pandemic relief fund thing, she got pissed and defensive, Andrew being my brother - P.S. I have no idea why the text suddenly turned blue...:
Me:Yeah you should still be getting one, how do you know Andrews isn't coming until next week?
No he won't be getting his monthly social security check is what I'm talkin about until next week he won't get paid until I think it's it's the first of the 28th or 29th he'll get his you know regular money from the ACT team I don't know not we don't know nothing about his stimulus check according to the ER team nobody's going to need two people have gotten it so far and that's all they've said about the stimulus check know he'll be getting his regular money but not until the end of next week
Know what it sounds like you're angry so forget it sorry I even asked sorry I even asked like I said it seems like you don't believe me you don't trust me but yeah you better hang around job dim for too long I guess nevermind just have a good birthday love you bye
M
And to be honest when I asked you if you wanted anything for your birthday and you said no I was relieved to be honest because if you would have said yes I would have had to go borrow some more money from Jerry so sorry to bother you at all have a good birthday love you
I think you get the point now about her, as for why I still talk to her...I don’t know, maybe it’s because if I don’t then I WILL truly have no family,...onto the rest of the list.
P.S. on the side of family, my DAD tried contacting me begging for help with his medical bill..the same man who dumped me on the steps of a ‘hospital’ because getting into furries at such a adolescent age meant i was mentally unwell, he did such and then went off to main chasing after some girl whom he is NOT married too now, he married some other woman and says all over facebook how much he loves his two kids!;...his new wife's kids...not me or my brother. The same guy who beat me, my mother and my brother, the same guy who would be out drunk all day then come home and drink all night, constantly calling me an accident that was meant to be a stain on the mattress.
*Work: Now I know many are going to say - be happy you HAVE work, don’t go that far. This job has no benefits, no direct deposit, no room for promotion. Requires me to move mass amounts of weight every day, for example one section of A truck could require me to remove, scan and stock 3,000lbs of cat litter of various types, also when I say scan I mean scan EVERY INDIVIDUAL ITEM!! Every can, every bag, every flippin dog and cat can cover….every...damn...dog...toy. This is also coming from the most fun truck which has something called BREAK PACKS, boxes right from the corporate distribution center...what's inside? DUNNO! Open it and find out!; It’s random everytime.
NOW even with being a supervisor and small animal specialist most of my time is spent up at the register, which means I also deal with customers my boss doesn’t want to, this happens way more often than you think. I’ve been called every derogatory term you can think of, most have to do with my voice and the way I walk and stand...not sure why. I have been put in the hospital for a number of reasons from this job, I do believe it has caused permanent damage.
Co-workers are difficult to deal with, like the assistant manager, most of the time she’s awesome...but if a customer or something else angers or upsets her for the day she takes it out on us and DRAGS morale to the ground, another will simply scream and complain about everything in sight.
My boss -the store manager- is one of my main X factors for stress, 100% pure passive aggressive...would rather slash your hours rather than talk to you about issues she is seeing, scolds us for not cleaning or doing something when EVERYTHINGS DONE, there is physically NOTHING ELSE TO DO, and wont give us new cleaning charts or close date charts to start the next round, we have to wait until she prints more ‘when she gets around to it’. Gives us tasks she doesn’t want to do so she can go home early. Also puts me on tasks that i am NOT certified for, or paid the right amount, such as operating a heavy gas forklift with no cert or proper training. Cleaning and tending to servers, I LOVE computers but for something like that I expect to be paid more than I am -11.25 an hour. More so for THOSE fire hazards, she won’t let me clean them properly...I get 30 minutes to clean them at a time, anyone who knows tech knows that's not enough time...not even close. She also apparently believes it’s my job to enforce the rules on other employees when she doesn’t do it to them herself. I follow the rules regardless, but what does she want ME to do?; I don’t have the power to write someone up or fire them, only she does, she doesn’t like confrontation PERIOD, we have never even had a work meeting...ever.
I am happy that I can still work and make money but what’s the POINT when I’m not happy and have nothing to do with the money...remember the old saying that money can’t buy happiness?; very - VERY true.
My coworker told me yesterday that he put his two weeks in...now to a normal person this would just be a normal bummer, but he is the only physical friend I have right now...as In I see him everyday, he lives too far away for me to visit even on NORMAL terms. He also reminded me of my grandfather which hurts even more, he was one of the best reasons to walk into work..now...it's gonna be a rough ride.
*ShadowSurge: Artists and people alike have been wanting to have some hardcore lewd fun with her, however due to a loving power that watches over me ‘and for lore reasons’ she has rules she has to follow, these rules have not be precieved very well. It’s been becoming clear that these people love the character...not me, they are here for HER...not the person that IS her. THIS kind of pain is immense in my book with my already low self esteem due to abusive - even attempted murderous - exs, I want all this fun and art but they don’t if it's not her...rather childish honestly.
Then when I show my other characters and forms, they tell me they will think about it. Only to NEVER respond, then to see them shout out that they are soon to do a piece for a friend or someone who’s running in a popularity contest, thats hurts even more...that tells me that it's ME as a person and has nothing to do with the character...or they are that shallow, selfish and close minded, who knows.
*Friends and loved ones alike: YES I AM AWARE THAT I HAVE BEEN ABSENT! I AM AWARE THAN I HAVE PROMISED FUN TIMES AND GAMES N’ SUCH AND HAVE NOT GOTTEN AROUND TOO YOU! I am hoping this journal helps explain why I have been so broken and away. I am fucking TRYING HERE! Telling me that I am a horrible being and scum for ignoring you and ‘stringing you along’ is not gonna earn you ANY brownie points with me right now! Stop that crap! You're not helping!! From here on out the moment someone starts that crap again I am BLOCKING them, I do NOT need this shit in my life!
*THIS BLOCK is for anyone in the IFN [you know who you are] who reads it: As for me trying to get more involved, I am trying but it seems the more I want to get involved the less I feel welcome, like what I’m doing is wrong. Now some have told me they have no issues with me, though many I have begun to question if they even want me around anymore, this could all just be paranoia and fear talking from all the bullshit stacked above. Though I thought it a good idea to put anyway, this is a master list of problems after all.
Side note about those in there, THANK you for all the feedback on the stories I have written so far. One of the major bits I took to heart was that - from here on out I am going to keep ALL major lewdness out of stories with seriousness in them.
*Car and college: Well this bit might be obvious but....THANKS COVID-19!! As for previous years of trying to get it done, it’s just been one shitstorm after another, this last year the move drained my savings and now covid is keeping us locked up. April 21st was my birthday and when I looked into the mirror all I saw, is what I have been looking at in the mirror for the last number of years, it just didn’t click until about three years ago - an aging failure, a loser, a hopeless husk. I have not gotten ANYWHERE near where I wanted to be at this age and it is VERY soul crushing and demeaning. It’s another x factor and it gets harder to face everyday.
I am certain I’m missing bits, but I believe this covers most of it. My EVERYTHING is broken and or damaged, this will take time to repair...if you wanna help, you know where to find me.
*My mother, the piece of family I have left...loves to talk me down, assume things, degrade me and attempts to manipulate me. I will give you some examples of our lovely conversations:
(1/9) HELLO R U EVER GOING TO CALL!!!!! U DID NOT CARE TO CALL OR
(2/9) TEXT OR EVEN SAY FUCKING KISS MY ASS !!! AFTER MY SURGERY... BUT
(3/9) THEN I REMEMBERED U TOLD ME ONCE U DID NOT CARE TO CALL ... AND
(4/9) SO NOW I KNOW WHERE I STAND WITH U!!! YESSS I AM ANGERY AND
(5/9) VERY HURT... I MEAN THINK ABOUT IT..., I TRY AND HELP U I BUY
(6/9) U STUFF I CUT MY SELF SHORT IN EVERY WAY... I AM SORRY THIS
(7/9) HURTS AND HURTS BUT THE TRUTH HURTS AND IT CAN ISS A PRESON OFF.
(8/9) I AM JUST TELLING HOW I SEE AND THINGS AND FEEL... TAKE CARE
M
(9/9) . I LOVE U... BUT I AM FUCKING DONE... MA
To clear this up: I tried calling my BROTHER who was in the lobby because she was in surgery to see how she was doing, he never picked up his fucking phone any of the four times I tried. The next day I had work and this is when she sent this. I explained myself and told her I would send her the call logs but she never replied so I dropped it, as for her getting me things...I KEEP TELLING HER NOT TOO!! Because THIS is the kind of crap it will lead too! N’ I am just OVER it!
(1/33) Hi, don't get mad at me but I just want to get something off my
(2/33)chest I love you with all my heart but I just got to be honest
(3/33)here I think you the reason you don't want to get me anything
(4/33)for Christmas is or anyting get me anything for anyting any
(5/33)holiday any birthday is I mean it's not because you say you told
(6/33) me that you might have that you probably you'll have to help
(7/33)your lady live with and her daughter out with her truck getting
(8/33)it fixed well I'm not that dumb if she's in the military and her
(9/33) husband was in the military or whatever she has a pension and
(10/33)if she's retired that pension is pretty good and if he has a job
(11/33) and more than likely her house is paid off more than likely
(12/33)even if it's not I just want to say I wasn't born yesterday if
(13/33)you don't want to help me or ever or get me any presents let me
(14/33) know instead of making up these excuses that don't make sense
(15/33)I'm sorry but I'm just like I am willing to help you with your
(16/33)insurance I'm willing to send you a Christmas gift even though
(17/33)it's going to be late but and you're not getting the car yet
(18/33)and it's like you know I love you but you're going to get angry
(19/33) at me for this but in a way you're kind of like your father
(20/33)you don't want to spend anything on anybody I'm sorry that's
(21/33)just my opinion in the way it feels and he didn't like talking
(22/33)to me either it just that's how I feel Phillip I'm sorry I had
(23/33)to get that off my chest I love you but I really sometimes I
(24/33)feel like you just don't care I'm sorry I just don't know how
(25/33)else to say it I'm just really frustrated I mean I've given you
(26/33) guys everything I have I've had the same fucking talk with
(27/33)Andrew I can't do this I've got to start taking care of myself
(28/33)because I haven't gotten myself clothes in years I haven't I
(29/33)mean you only have gotten myself is electronics not because I
(30/33)keep on wearing them out I'm sorry I just had to tell you how I
(31/33) felt and I've had to say like I said I've had the same talk
(32/33)with your brother I'm sorry I'm just frustrated I mean I I
KAC.
RIGHT!; let us break this one down too!: At the time I could not afford to get anyone gifts, I was saving for my first car...that plan had fallen through, we will get to that later. At the time my roomie's truck broke and if she couldn’t get to work we were all screwed so I had to see if she was going to need a loan. Luckily she didn’t, she got a good deal on a brand new car and turned the truck in for a trade.
As for the military thing mentioned...it was my roomies DAD that was in the military and the reason they were able to afford their house easily, but he passed away in 2018 and since then they struggled to pay for this house, 3500 usd a month plus 4000 usd a year for property tax. We have moved from that house into this much smaller townhouse because of it, the house - the house her and her daughter grew up in is now gone- THAT alone was enough for that piece from my mother to be insulting.
Then we come to the part where my mom is going on about how she has needed clothes and shit for years, yet KEEPS GIVING MY BROTHER ALL HER SPARE MONEY! Along with buying me and my brother gifts that I KNOW we both can get on our fucking own! STOP GETTING US SHIT MA!! As for the insurance she means my renters and to-be car insurance, when I told her the premium is low enough that I can EASY pay for it all myself, when it’s due I’m going to contact the insurance agent and tell him I’M paying for it.
She does things for me then holds it over my head, talks down to be and treats me like trash, and the guilt trips HOO BOY!; the GUILT TRIPS!! Plenty of those being thrown at me!
This last time we talked she asked If I wanted anything for my birthday, I said no...then the day OF my birthday she came begging me for money because once again she let my brother bully her out of every fucking penny she has! He lives across the hall from her even though for a spell he had a restraining order on him to stay away from her for years due to...let’s call them multiple infractions, you wanna know em? ASK me...I’m not posting them here.
When I started asking questions about her stimulus check from the pandemic relief fund thing, she got pissed and defensive, Andrew being my brother - P.S. I have no idea why the text suddenly turned blue...:
Me:Yeah you should still be getting one, how do you know Andrews isn't coming until next week?
No he won't be getting his monthly social security check is what I'm talkin about until next week he won't get paid until I think it's it's the first of the 28th or 29th he'll get his you know regular money from the ACT team I don't know not we don't know nothing about his stimulus check according to the ER team nobody's going to need two people have gotten it so far and that's all they've said about the stimulus check know he'll be getting his regular money but not until the end of next week
Know what it sounds like you're angry so forget it sorry I even asked sorry I even asked like I said it seems like you don't believe me you don't trust me but yeah you better hang around job dim for too long I guess nevermind just have a good birthday love you bye
M
And to be honest when I asked you if you wanted anything for your birthday and you said no I was relieved to be honest because if you would have said yes I would have had to go borrow some more money from Jerry so sorry to bother you at all have a good birthday love you
I think you get the point now about her, as for why I still talk to her...I don’t know, maybe it’s because if I don’t then I WILL truly have no family,...onto the rest of the list.
P.S. on the side of family, my DAD tried contacting me begging for help with his medical bill..the same man who dumped me on the steps of a ‘hospital’ because getting into furries at such a adolescent age meant i was mentally unwell, he did such and then went off to main chasing after some girl whom he is NOT married too now, he married some other woman and says all over facebook how much he loves his two kids!;...his new wife's kids...not me or my brother. The same guy who beat me, my mother and my brother, the same guy who would be out drunk all day then come home and drink all night, constantly calling me an accident that was meant to be a stain on the mattress.
*Work: Now I know many are going to say - be happy you HAVE work, don’t go that far. This job has no benefits, no direct deposit, no room for promotion. Requires me to move mass amounts of weight every day, for example one section of A truck could require me to remove, scan and stock 3,000lbs of cat litter of various types, also when I say scan I mean scan EVERY INDIVIDUAL ITEM!! Every can, every bag, every flippin dog and cat can cover….every...damn...dog...toy. This is also coming from the most fun truck which has something called BREAK PACKS, boxes right from the corporate distribution center...what's inside? DUNNO! Open it and find out!; It’s random everytime.
NOW even with being a supervisor and small animal specialist most of my time is spent up at the register, which means I also deal with customers my boss doesn’t want to, this happens way more often than you think. I’ve been called every derogatory term you can think of, most have to do with my voice and the way I walk and stand...not sure why. I have been put in the hospital for a number of reasons from this job, I do believe it has caused permanent damage.
Co-workers are difficult to deal with, like the assistant manager, most of the time she’s awesome...but if a customer or something else angers or upsets her for the day she takes it out on us and DRAGS morale to the ground, another will simply scream and complain about everything in sight.
My boss -the store manager- is one of my main X factors for stress, 100% pure passive aggressive...would rather slash your hours rather than talk to you about issues she is seeing, scolds us for not cleaning or doing something when EVERYTHINGS DONE, there is physically NOTHING ELSE TO DO, and wont give us new cleaning charts or close date charts to start the next round, we have to wait until she prints more ‘when she gets around to it’. Gives us tasks she doesn’t want to do so she can go home early. Also puts me on tasks that i am NOT certified for, or paid the right amount, such as operating a heavy gas forklift with no cert or proper training. Cleaning and tending to servers, I LOVE computers but for something like that I expect to be paid more than I am -11.25 an hour. More so for THOSE fire hazards, she won’t let me clean them properly...I get 30 minutes to clean them at a time, anyone who knows tech knows that's not enough time...not even close. She also apparently believes it’s my job to enforce the rules on other employees when she doesn’t do it to them herself. I follow the rules regardless, but what does she want ME to do?; I don’t have the power to write someone up or fire them, only she does, she doesn’t like confrontation PERIOD, we have never even had a work meeting...ever.
I am happy that I can still work and make money but what’s the POINT when I’m not happy and have nothing to do with the money...remember the old saying that money can’t buy happiness?; very - VERY true.
My coworker told me yesterday that he put his two weeks in...now to a normal person this would just be a normal bummer, but he is the only physical friend I have right now...as In I see him everyday, he lives too far away for me to visit even on NORMAL terms. He also reminded me of my grandfather which hurts even more, he was one of the best reasons to walk into work..now...it's gonna be a rough ride.
*ShadowSurge: Artists and people alike have been wanting to have some hardcore lewd fun with her, however due to a loving power that watches over me ‘and for lore reasons’ she has rules she has to follow, these rules have not be precieved very well. It’s been becoming clear that these people love the character...not me, they are here for HER...not the person that IS her. THIS kind of pain is immense in my book with my already low self esteem due to abusive - even attempted murderous - exs, I want all this fun and art but they don’t if it's not her...rather childish honestly.
Then when I show my other characters and forms, they tell me they will think about it. Only to NEVER respond, then to see them shout out that they are soon to do a piece for a friend or someone who’s running in a popularity contest, thats hurts even more...that tells me that it's ME as a person and has nothing to do with the character...or they are that shallow, selfish and close minded, who knows.
*Friends and loved ones alike: YES I AM AWARE THAT I HAVE BEEN ABSENT! I AM AWARE THAN I HAVE PROMISED FUN TIMES AND GAMES N’ SUCH AND HAVE NOT GOTTEN AROUND TOO YOU! I am hoping this journal helps explain why I have been so broken and away. I am fucking TRYING HERE! Telling me that I am a horrible being and scum for ignoring you and ‘stringing you along’ is not gonna earn you ANY brownie points with me right now! Stop that crap! You're not helping!! From here on out the moment someone starts that crap again I am BLOCKING them, I do NOT need this shit in my life!
*THIS BLOCK is for anyone in the IFN [you know who you are] who reads it: As for me trying to get more involved, I am trying but it seems the more I want to get involved the less I feel welcome, like what I’m doing is wrong. Now some have told me they have no issues with me, though many I have begun to question if they even want me around anymore, this could all just be paranoia and fear talking from all the bullshit stacked above. Though I thought it a good idea to put anyway, this is a master list of problems after all.
Side note about those in there, THANK you for all the feedback on the stories I have written so far. One of the major bits I took to heart was that - from here on out I am going to keep ALL major lewdness out of stories with seriousness in them.
*Car and college: Well this bit might be obvious but....THANKS COVID-19!! As for previous years of trying to get it done, it’s just been one shitstorm after another, this last year the move drained my savings and now covid is keeping us locked up. April 21st was my birthday and when I looked into the mirror all I saw, is what I have been looking at in the mirror for the last number of years, it just didn’t click until about three years ago - an aging failure, a loser, a hopeless husk. I have not gotten ANYWHERE near where I wanted to be at this age and it is VERY soul crushing and demeaning. It’s another x factor and it gets harder to face everyday.
I am certain I’m missing bits, but I believe this covers most of it. My EVERYTHING is broken and or damaged, this will take time to repair...if you wanna help, you know where to find me.
Birthday Bun!
Posted 4 years agoBeen sitting here thinking, my birthday is coming up here on the 21st. However we are in a bit of a lockdown, so I was gonna reach out and see if anyone has any ideas on what to do for it! Even if its a funny idea!