I Might Be Coming Back...
Posted a month agoSure I'm still kinda stuck in an art block, but I have been developing things here and there. So when the time comes, I'll be posting art again soon.
Quitting Art
Posted 3 months agoI know. I'm just a bearer of bad news; hardly anything good about myself, but I've come to a decision that I'm going to stop doing art all together. I feel as though that I've come to a plateau of improvement and losing a sense of creativity that would come off as being repetitive; such as same poses, angles, and so on. I may have lots of ideas that have circulated in my mind for ages, but most of them require more effort than the usual amount I do in pictures; which in turn less feedback anyway. This doesn't mean that I'm clearing my galleries, it means that I won't be uploading any more art. I'd still be around just to lurk and check messages from time to time and be less responsive.
Also, I'm sorry to those that wanted to commission me earlier that I haven't gotten started on anything during a time that I was having an art block, as they are cancelled.
Also, I'm sorry to those that wanted to commission me earlier that I haven't gotten started on anything during a time that I was having an art block, as they are cancelled.
Jaded About Art
Posted 4 months agoI feel like I've lost all motivation for art nowadays. Don't know if it's laziness or the bad case of art block, but I'm becoming less productive with my art. Maybe this hobby no longer interests me anymore, and instead I should just focus on getting me a new job. It's not like I'm ever going to utilize my talent to the fullest and make something out of it, so why even bother?
Opening Commissions... Again
Posted 5 months agoI've got some good news and bad news.
The good news is that I've managed to get myself a new PC last month, and got me a new car on Monday.
The bad news is buying the computer with a credit card and financing for a brand-new car means that I have to pay a lot of debt in monthly bills.
So unless I find me a better job somewhere down the line, I might have to open up on commissions as a side job. I know I tend to never go full-heartedly on these things, but money being rather tight as it is, I have to make some more money somehow, and this is the only thing I could do and come up with. The prices and rules are written on my profile tab, so if anyone's interested, note me, and I'll put them on one of four slots.
The good news is that I've managed to get myself a new PC last month, and got me a new car on Monday.
The bad news is buying the computer with a credit card and financing for a brand-new car means that I have to pay a lot of debt in monthly bills.
So unless I find me a better job somewhere down the line, I might have to open up on commissions as a side job. I know I tend to never go full-heartedly on these things, but money being rather tight as it is, I have to make some more money somehow, and this is the only thing I could do and come up with. The prices and rules are written on my profile tab, so if anyone's interested, note me, and I'll put them on one of four slots.
Another Ring in the Trunk
Posted 7 months agoAnother year, another time to feel more inadequate about myself with every passing moment. At least I managed to scrape by and bought myself a new computer which will be coming soon; so at least that's good. Now, if only I could find me a better job to be able to afford a car and soon a place for my own, but that would be a lottery chance to get that latter one.
I should have made some better decisions back then. Should have taken a more practical skill than to be an artist, an animator, video game designer, or whatever I've indecidedly wanted to be.
I should have made some better decisions back then. Should have taken a more practical skill than to be an artist, an animator, video game designer, or whatever I've indecidedly wanted to be.
Plans For A New Computer
Posted a year agoI need to save up on a desktop computer, the laptop I have for the past 10 years is about to become obsolete, and will eventually succumb to malware and such. I can't juggle two jobs to save my life; let alone do commissions, and I have some debits to pay off currently. My only option is to cut back on some things, and slowly save up from the current job. Hopefully I might get me a decent desktop before the end of the year.
Ask Me Anything
Posted a year agoI figure I'd try this interactive post to talk with people about me and other things.
I know that I don't have a fursona of sorts nor a whole lot of original characters, but it's something.
I might not answer right away as I might be busy with other things, and I'll try my best to answer them nicely depending on certain subjects.
I know that I don't have a fursona of sorts nor a whole lot of original characters, but it's something.
I might not answer right away as I might be busy with other things, and I'll try my best to answer them nicely depending on certain subjects.
Quit One Place; Found A Better One
Posted a year agoWelp... on Sunday, I had to quit that one dish washing job from that one place two weeks ago due to some anxieties of long grueling hours as well as the long trips to get from home to there. But Monday, I found out that a small local BBQ restaurant from the very town that I live in was hiring for a dishwasher! So I got started earlier today, during the afternoon, and compared to that other restaurant to this one, it was a piece of cake! Being a small restaurant it's a little slow at first until a couple of hours before closing, and the procedures to washing the dishes were a lot easier. And the best part, the restaurant is only about 4 miles from where I live, so no more having to leave an hour early just to commute through my hometown to the next town over; which has always been a thing, sadly.
Hopefully this job will provide me for the time being as it not very often that I could have a job that is just a stone throw away from where I live, so I'm going to stick with it.
Hopefully this job will provide me for the time being as it not very often that I could have a job that is just a stone throw away from where I live, so I'm going to stick with it.
Got Me A New Job!
Posted a year agoI got me a new job yesterday. I now work as a dishwasher at an Italian restaurant. The hours are long (at least for now until I get a proper schedule), but the pay rate is good. At least it's straightforward and I do have some coworkers around the section. Might not be the most exciting job to have, but at least I got the job the very next day after applying than the two other places I tried getting a job for and never got a call from. After my first day on the job, while the first job I've had that almost went for 12 hours in one shift (with two 30 minute breaks at least), I'd say it went pretty well, and I hope this should supply me later on in life.
Just 2 Weeks...
Posted 2 years agoI quit my job yesterday. I was having an anxiety attack and didn't want to work there anymore. We had been understaffed for a long while and the new standards were making my job more inconvenient in my workflow, and I couldn't stand being pressured with everything about it. So now I'm out from the job and I just have a couple of weeks to recuperate before I think about finding a new job.
At this point, I don't know if I can ever find the right job for me other than some dead-end jobs that won't last long due to my temperament and inability to multi-task in some aspects. Sometimes I don't think I could function in this way of living where you work for little money to pay for the big expenses of living. And I know well that I can't fathom doing two jobs; my mind won't handle it.
I wish I could file for disability, but Aspergers is a rather grey area, and no one takes it as seriously as autism is.
At this point, I don't know if I can ever find the right job for me other than some dead-end jobs that won't last long due to my temperament and inability to multi-task in some aspects. Sometimes I don't think I could function in this way of living where you work for little money to pay for the big expenses of living. And I know well that I can't fathom doing two jobs; my mind won't handle it.
I wish I could file for disability, but Aspergers is a rather grey area, and no one takes it as seriously as autism is.
Materials For Nothing
Posted 2 years agoSometimes, I wonder why I bother with getting some things that I'd plan to make something out of them and yet never get to make anything from them.
I have Flash so that I could do animations, but barely ever done anything aside from two short animations (which will now be reduced to just doing gifs if I were to ever make anything [RIP Flash]). I got a voice recorder for if I were to do voice acting or possibly podcasts, but I haven't thought of anything yet. And then just recently, I got some fabrics so that I may craft something, but I feel like I wouldn't have the time to develop the skills for it.
If I had all the time in the world without the need for a job, I would have the time to develop some new skills, but I can never use my free time wisely; I'm not good at multitasking. I'd have to win the lottery so that money for necessities would not be an issue, and I would have all the time to myself to create something. Of course, that's wishful thinking. If it's a skill that I never developed years before, why start now? Just be stuck with a dead-end job and run through the rat race.
I have Flash so that I could do animations, but barely ever done anything aside from two short animations (which will now be reduced to just doing gifs if I were to ever make anything [RIP Flash]). I got a voice recorder for if I were to do voice acting or possibly podcasts, but I haven't thought of anything yet. And then just recently, I got some fabrics so that I may craft something, but I feel like I wouldn't have the time to develop the skills for it.
If I had all the time in the world without the need for a job, I would have the time to develop some new skills, but I can never use my free time wisely; I'm not good at multitasking. I'd have to win the lottery so that money for necessities would not be an issue, and I would have all the time to myself to create something. Of course, that's wishful thinking. If it's a skill that I never developed years before, why start now? Just be stuck with a dead-end job and run through the rat race.
Should've Known Better
Posted 2 years agoI'm going to cancel commissions, because it seems that things have become a bit more difficult for me to do much artwork as of late. My full-time job has been rather taxing on me lately where I have been working an hour overtime for the past couple of months, and it really has been killing my motivation to do art as of late; causing me to procrastinate and stress out. What odd timing that the moment I decided to open commissions again, life decides to remind me that I can't handle two jobs, and become inconveniently difficult.
So I apologize for those that wanted a picture from me only to be put on hold then become canceled.
So I apologize for those that wanted a picture from me only to be put on hold then become canceled.
Open for Commissions Yet Again
Posted 2 years agoI've decided to open up for commissions again. As always, the rules will be on the profile tab; this time with a list of what I can and can not do.
Disregarding the Last Journal
Posted 2 years agoI've decided I'm just going to do like I tend to do as per usual; if I plan on a fetish related picture on occasion, I'll choose to do it if I want to.
Last week was just another bad episode of self reflection and was having some insecurities. I guess I haven't truly embraced the madness of the fandom yet.
Last week was just another bad episode of self reflection and was having some insecurities. I guess I haven't truly embraced the madness of the fandom yet.
Should I Give In?
Posted 2 years agoSometimes I wonder if I should just give in to my artistic urges and do the same kind of fetish smut I used to do from my old account. Besides, that's basically what most people here are watching me for, and I have been uploading some occasionally on the site anyway.
UPDATE: After some thinking, I've decided that I should just keep these kinks to myself; that is if I decided to make a finished product.
UPDATE: After some thinking, I've decided that I should just keep these kinks to myself; that is if I decided to make a finished product.
Problems With Doing Commissions
Posted 3 years agoAs nice as the idea of making money by making pictures for people is, I just don't think it actually works well for me in the long term. It would be because I don't use my freetime wisely due to most of my energy wasted on work, and the motivation doesn't stay strong enough to focus on it (giving some form of reluctance). Another factor could be that even though I may have done some commissions, it ultimately isn't quite much to work with anyway compared to what I make from my actual job.
The common thing I would use the money would be for downloading games from Steam; not so much for anything meaningful like buying a commission from someone since I don't watch a whole lot of people, nor do I know much about their availability.
I could perhaps increase the prices perhaps, but I don't really think my skills could warrant it. Though I suppose that would mean less business to be bothered with while I carry on with my own business, and if it happens I could try it for a quick buck. It could be as rare as getting a tip from FA's shiny donation. But then again I can't be bothered by it.
I don't know how so many big time artists around here get to have the free time to make so much art for a profit, but I certainly would never be capable of being that serious in making a business out of it; not when I have an actual job to begin with. As someone who is just an amateur artist, I can't handle two jobs anyway.
The common thing I would use the money would be for downloading games from Steam; not so much for anything meaningful like buying a commission from someone since I don't watch a whole lot of people, nor do I know much about their availability.
I could perhaps increase the prices perhaps, but I don't really think my skills could warrant it. Though I suppose that would mean less business to be bothered with while I carry on with my own business, and if it happens I could try it for a quick buck. It could be as rare as getting a tip from FA's shiny donation. But then again I can't be bothered by it.
I don't know how so many big time artists around here get to have the free time to make so much art for a profit, but I certainly would never be capable of being that serious in making a business out of it; not when I have an actual job to begin with. As someone who is just an amateur artist, I can't handle two jobs anyway.
No More Instant Messaging
Posted 3 years agoTo disregard my last journal entry from 4 months ago, I figured being sociable isn't really for me (I haven't even been more sociable since then). Because of this I'm thinking of not using Discord anymore or any other I.M. for that matter. Instead I'd rather prefer chatting through notes on the sites where I could say something on my spare time than to be present.
So sorry for those who do chat with me on Discord (including ones that I haven't talked to for more than a month or year), I'm just not a very talkative person period.
So sorry for those who do chat with me on Discord (including ones that I haven't talked to for more than a month or year), I'm just not a very talkative person period.
Opening Up More Sociably?
Posted 4 years agoI just want to share something that may or may not be much of a problem to me, but could be detrimental towards me from around the internet and in real life.
To spare those who don't want to read the long story, I'm a rather asocial person, and that could be a bad thing.
So for the longer version. I don't usually interact with people a whole lot around these art sites very often due to that I don't have much to say in the matter. I never really ask any other artist for anything like commissions or whatever, I don't say anything unless I have something to actually comment, & I don't say "thank you" very often because I figure it's as pointless as a prayer.
It's kind of a problem with the few people I have as friends in Discord that I don't usually socialize that much unless someone speaks first to me, and more often than not, the conversation is short lived. It often results to me sounding rather cynical, disappointing, and off-putting. I don't bother making friends from places like Steam or on other video game platforms. I don't even go to places like Facebook or Twitter for all that matter. As for real life, I don't go out to town all that often, and I don't even socialize with anyone at my workplace.
It could be just because of my Asperger's that I don't socialize much from whatever plane (life or internet), or maybe I just don't have a whole lot in common with anyone. Most of the time I tend to talk to myself about conversations or scenarios that I could have out of the blue with no rhyme or reason; almost like I'm rehearsing for a play, a moment, or (if I did these things) a podcast. Of course that would just come off as crazy if I weren't just talking under my breath.
Not holding any promises, but perhaps I might have to be more sociable other people. Maybe watch some artists that I might like, watch some art streams. At least I'm faving pictures; I hardly ever did when I had some older accounts. As for real life, that could be more difficult. At least I would show some of my art more often than I did over 5 years ago; which is seldom.
Overall, I'm not sure if I would make a change and open up more to people, but who knows, it's just something I want to make clear to anyone.
To spare those who don't want to read the long story, I'm a rather asocial person, and that could be a bad thing.
So for the longer version. I don't usually interact with people a whole lot around these art sites very often due to that I don't have much to say in the matter. I never really ask any other artist for anything like commissions or whatever, I don't say anything unless I have something to actually comment, & I don't say "thank you" very often because I figure it's as pointless as a prayer.
It's kind of a problem with the few people I have as friends in Discord that I don't usually socialize that much unless someone speaks first to me, and more often than not, the conversation is short lived. It often results to me sounding rather cynical, disappointing, and off-putting. I don't bother making friends from places like Steam or on other video game platforms. I don't even go to places like Facebook or Twitter for all that matter. As for real life, I don't go out to town all that often, and I don't even socialize with anyone at my workplace.
It could be just because of my Asperger's that I don't socialize much from whatever plane (life or internet), or maybe I just don't have a whole lot in common with anyone. Most of the time I tend to talk to myself about conversations or scenarios that I could have out of the blue with no rhyme or reason; almost like I'm rehearsing for a play, a moment, or (if I did these things) a podcast. Of course that would just come off as crazy if I weren't just talking under my breath.
Not holding any promises, but perhaps I might have to be more sociable other people. Maybe watch some artists that I might like, watch some art streams. At least I'm faving pictures; I hardly ever did when I had some older accounts. As for real life, that could be more difficult. At least I would show some of my art more often than I did over 5 years ago; which is seldom.
Overall, I'm not sure if I would make a change and open up more to people, but who knows, it's just something I want to make clear to anyone.
Closing Up Commissions... again
Posted 4 years agoI've decided to close up shop again, and unfortunately I'm going to cancel the already planned commissions. I just have been putting them off constantly due to outside things like work, errands, loss of motivation, and then just pictures that I want to make. It kind of drives me nuts sometimes to think I have to do something on the sides after having to deal with actual things that I do in my life; which often makes me not want to work on them most of the time.
So for the remaining people that wanted a picture from me, I apologize for the long wait only to just cancel them.
So for the remaining people that wanted a picture from me, I apologize for the long wait only to just cancel them.
Six Fan Art Thing
Posted 4 years agoSo I'm curious about this art meme going on lately, and figured I'd try it out between the most requested from both sites or what I might decide; which I'll give it a week, I guess.
So what 6 characters should I put on the template?
So what 6 characters should I put on the template?
If It Happens
Posted 4 years agoA morbid idea I've thought of for if I were to be infected by this plague and if I were going to die from it, I would accept it. Because quite frankly, I don't really have much going on for me anyway.
I don't have a family of my own; I'm just the kind of loser whose stuck with his mother. I haven't had any straight forward goals, and never gotten through college. I'm just someone who has very little going for him, and wouldn't really amount to anything in the grand scheme of things. And since I have been having many feelings of despair for quite some time, I would welcome death for when it may be written.
I don't have a family of my own; I'm just the kind of loser whose stuck with his mother. I haven't had any straight forward goals, and never gotten through college. I'm just someone who has very little going for him, and wouldn't really amount to anything in the grand scheme of things. And since I have been having many feelings of despair for quite some time, I would welcome death for when it may be written.
Watched for the Wrong Reasons?
Posted 4 years agoJust being self-aware at the moment, but it would seem that on the art sites that I go to, I wonder why some people would watch me when I don't usually do any of the art they would prefer; such as certain fetishes that I don't remotely do.
From the past I have been known to cater to one particular fetish (which has been somewhat been a comeuppance lately this year, and I need to stop that) and some dozen watchers recognize me for that; which is okay. But then I would be watched by people that, based by their favs, seem to cater fetishes that I don't even specialize; like vore, feet/paws, and fat to name a few.
So it all comes down to wondering why would people be watching me anyway when I don't do those kind of pictures.
From the past I have been known to cater to one particular fetish (which has been somewhat been a comeuppance lately this year, and I need to stop that) and some dozen watchers recognize me for that; which is okay. But then I would be watched by people that, based by their favs, seem to cater fetishes that I don't even specialize; like vore, feet/paws, and fat to name a few.
So it all comes down to wondering why would people be watching me anyway when I don't do those kind of pictures.
Reopening Sketch Commissions
Posted 4 years agoI'm thinking of reopening on doing sketch commissions. Like last time, it will be $5 with no backgrounds, additional characters will range from $1 to $5 depending on complexities, and more importantly NO MATURE OR ADULT CONTENT.
I'll open up to 4 slots like last time, and bare with me that sometimes depending on life and motivation, it may take some time depending on my whim. All will only be paid by PayPal.
Also depending on subject matter, it may be uploaded strictly on FA than on DA.
I'll open up to 4 slots like last time, and bare with me that sometimes depending on life and motivation, it may take some time depending on my whim. All will only be paid by PayPal.
Also depending on subject matter, it may be uploaded strictly on FA than on DA.
The Point With Instant Messaging
Posted 4 years agoLately I've been considering about why I should have a IM app like Discord when I don't usually chat very often. After knowing someone for the first time chatting, afterwords there's not much to talk about for a long while; usually the next chat with some would just fall flat. Maybe it's just my social awkwardness or maybe there's a lot of things that I can't find relatable with some people to have an engaging conversation. Often times it could be based on people from different time zones that would talk to me when I'm not available and vice versa. Also I don't often ever start a chat with somebody, I would rather have someone start a conversation whenever I make myself available; which I would often times forget to log off when I'm off the computer or phone that someone would say something and I can't respond at the time.
It's been a redundant thing for someone reclusive as me to have programs such as these that I might consider just not having them, and instead if someone wants to contact me, maybe just send notes instead. That way I can at least interact whenever available.
It's been a redundant thing for someone reclusive as me to have programs such as these that I might consider just not having them, and instead if someone wants to contact me, maybe just send notes instead. That way I can at least interact whenever available.
No More Big Projects
Posted 5 years agoI should probably not think about coming up with a long term project or sorts, and not do anything beyond either the first page of things or a chapter. I have a habit of never really following up things after the first part and so many projects I've tried to start just fall flat. With this habit I don't think I will ever really get to make anything truly worthwhile.
Maybe it's my patience wearing ever more thin or I just don't use my free time wisely, but I need to stop coming up with ideas that I know would never flourish and just keep those ideas in my head. Like I might have said over two years ago, they would all be nothing more than a pipe dream.
Maybe it's my patience wearing ever more thin or I just don't use my free time wisely, but I need to stop coming up with ideas that I know would never flourish and just keep those ideas in my head. Like I might have said over two years ago, they would all be nothing more than a pipe dream.