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~frostclient420BC
I should've made a 4/20 post, alcohol just makes my nipples hurt
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5 months ago
Lately I've been pumping out whatever piece I could to get dopamine flowing, but my problems aren't gonna go away if I just say vague, depressy teehee quirky things and never elaborate. I've been really fucked up since June started.
I had an awful heartbreak that lasted the entirety of June (the act of heartbreaking, NOT the damage it did). Shortly after, I tried to call out a friend for his abusive tendencies, but since we were part of the same homie group, the leader of said group brushes me off as being difficult. Friend somehow convinces me to keep him around and now he still manages to blame shit on me, calling me an awful planner when it's other people changing their minds last second.
Other than those big things, little shit keeps popping up. Shower no longer works. Grandpa's dead now. I have so much work to do in two days. Plans get fucked up because us adults still live with our parents. I'm broke.
And because people don't like to hear problems, they dismiss them one by one as petty so they don't have to count up the resulting damage
I've been drinking, and cutting, and instead of something like "fuck" or "goddammit" my default frustration thoughts are "I'm gonna kill myself". I know it's not normal, and there's no reasonable way to ask for help, but I've been on this site for nearly five years, and I've always loved to say "i'm not dead!" to excuse my laziness, but sometimes I wonder what it would matter if I was. I had so many chances to appear in another mans art, so many times I could have been invited to parties and none of them turned out because I chose all the wrong people to be kind to.
I probably won't be posting anything relevant for a long time. If I do... it'll probably be uncomfortable and fetishy. Or not- maybe I'll have something positive to share. Or just a cute picture that'll never reflect reality.
Sorry I haven't been me.
I had an awful heartbreak that lasted the entirety of June (the act of heartbreaking, NOT the damage it did). Shortly after, I tried to call out a friend for his abusive tendencies, but since we were part of the same homie group, the leader of said group brushes me off as being difficult. Friend somehow convinces me to keep him around and now he still manages to blame shit on me, calling me an awful planner when it's other people changing their minds last second.
Other than those big things, little shit keeps popping up. Shower no longer works. Grandpa's dead now. I have so much work to do in two days. Plans get fucked up because us adults still live with our parents. I'm broke.
And because people don't like to hear problems, they dismiss them one by one as petty so they don't have to count up the resulting damage
I've been drinking, and cutting, and instead of something like "fuck" or "goddammit" my default frustration thoughts are "I'm gonna kill myself". I know it's not normal, and there's no reasonable way to ask for help, but I've been on this site for nearly five years, and I've always loved to say "i'm not dead!" to excuse my laziness, but sometimes I wonder what it would matter if I was. I had so many chances to appear in another mans art, so many times I could have been invited to parties and none of them turned out because I chose all the wrong people to be kind to.
I probably won't be posting anything relevant for a long time. If I do... it'll probably be uncomfortable and fetishy. Or not- maybe I'll have something positive to share. Or just a cute picture that'll never reflect reality.
Sorry I haven't been me.
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