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~Lady_Neona
currently a work in progress...
Featured Submission
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Comments Earned: 223
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Journals: 7
Comments Made: 330
Journals: 7
Featured Journal
It's been a while, and I have quite the story to tell.
2 years ago
WARNING: CONTAINS SENSITIVE CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS
Hey eveyone, I think its time I updated everyone a bit on how I am. When I made the last journal nearly 5 years ago, I was in a very dark place mentally, physically, and spiritually. I punished myself every day by degrading myself in my head, as well as replaying childhood traumas over and over. This got to a make or break point in my life, having to deal with the trauma, a mentally abusive (and alcoholic at this time) father, college that I was failing in, and kept panic eating in order to numb everything out was taking its toll. However talking through my traumas and getting the help I needed the final thing wasn't any of that, but of my mentally, turned sexually abusive ex partner.
We met on a furry dating site, and he really got me into this site. I had an account before him but never really got on, that all changed with him. Soon enough we became a thing and after a few months I wanted to meet, but I said multiple times that I wouldn't want anything sexual to happen the first time we met. He kept talking about it and eventually I gave in and said "maybe but most likely not."
When we met, the first hour was great. Up until we got to the hotel, he forced me onto the bed with him and made me kiss him. This immediately sent red flags into my head and became extremely uncomfortable already, even more so when he held me down. I could barely sleep that night, as he kept touching me. We woke up to buy food for the next 2 days for us, Then began to judge passive aggressively everything I bought. "You know that has high fructose syrup right?" "Do you see how many calories are in one serving?" At this time yes, I was overweight and I knew it but I definitely didn't need to hear it from my partner especially in public. After that he kept trying to do things to me, and I kept saying no. I was scared out of my mind of him and barely ate, my adrenaline was so high. Then on the 2nd night He molested me in my sleep, and forced me to give him a hand job. I woke up to it and I felt like screaming, but instead got up from him fast and walked to the bathroom to throw up.
After that, he completely cold shouldered me. Barely talked to me, slept in the other bed, and was playing games or on his phone. I finally realized:I wasn't a partner, but an object to this person. He didn't feel ANYTHING. BUT. SEX. No love, anger, depression, happiness, nothing but sex/ lust. We had a few things in common, just completely opposite spectrums of sex drives, which he knew as such before meeting. Then left to go cheat on me, which I found out after the break up. This man knew my childhood past, knew I H.A.T.E.D cheaters, yet probably thought since I'm a virgin and he's my "boyfriend " he can get in my pants. That didn't work so he proceeded to get into someone else's, then basically went "lol sorry didn't know how to act around you."
He completely mentally screwed with me and my body, then acted like nothing happened. Now reliving my childhood trauma again by someone I thought I could trust, someone who I thought I can say NO to,but he didn't. I was already in a make or break situation, this is what broke it all. I dropped out of college, had to go too the hospital multiple times because I couldn't stop panicking, I wasn't mentally sane for quite sometime. I finally had enough of this cycle, and changed for the better.
I went to more therapy, slowly but surely took out my medications out the more I was able to cope, and my biggest accomplishment was the weight loss journey. It took 2 years, but I'm finally at a weight I'm more than happy with. I officially lost 135lbs and I feel absolutely incredible, I'm so much more happier than I ever been. I tried the dating Game 2 years after this, which also ended horribly in different ways (financially). learned my lesson again, and pulled back for a while. My goals now in life is to find a better job that treats me better, get out of my families house (I pay my own rent, bills, water, food etc) and move in with my best friend, everything's coming along because I'm finally listening to what I want.
I work on myself everyday and feel better as time passes, letting go of things and forgiving myself for things I've done is hard but SO worth it. I say no much firmer than I used to, and have boundaries that I've stuck to. I also learned I'm Demisexual, which is great because I felt like an outsider for so long. I could never describe to someone what I like or am, I just thought I was just bisexual. I also learned this applies to my drawings, so I deleted a few of my drawings and still will when I update them. I've got so much planned, many drawings I want with my new personsa/fursona I'm really excited to share with you all!
I'll be updating more and more as time goes on, and I've finally gotten into artwork again after 4 years. I feel great, the most comfortable I've been in my body in my entire life, and can't wait to show you all through my drawings as well.
Thanks for reading!:3
Hey eveyone, I think its time I updated everyone a bit on how I am. When I made the last journal nearly 5 years ago, I was in a very dark place mentally, physically, and spiritually. I punished myself every day by degrading myself in my head, as well as replaying childhood traumas over and over. This got to a make or break point in my life, having to deal with the trauma, a mentally abusive (and alcoholic at this time) father, college that I was failing in, and kept panic eating in order to numb everything out was taking its toll. However talking through my traumas and getting the help I needed the final thing wasn't any of that, but of my mentally, turned sexually abusive ex partner.
We met on a furry dating site, and he really got me into this site. I had an account before him but never really got on, that all changed with him. Soon enough we became a thing and after a few months I wanted to meet, but I said multiple times that I wouldn't want anything sexual to happen the first time we met. He kept talking about it and eventually I gave in and said "maybe but most likely not."
When we met, the first hour was great. Up until we got to the hotel, he forced me onto the bed with him and made me kiss him. This immediately sent red flags into my head and became extremely uncomfortable already, even more so when he held me down. I could barely sleep that night, as he kept touching me. We woke up to buy food for the next 2 days for us, Then began to judge passive aggressively everything I bought. "You know that has high fructose syrup right?" "Do you see how many calories are in one serving?" At this time yes, I was overweight and I knew it but I definitely didn't need to hear it from my partner especially in public. After that he kept trying to do things to me, and I kept saying no. I was scared out of my mind of him and barely ate, my adrenaline was so high. Then on the 2nd night He molested me in my sleep, and forced me to give him a hand job. I woke up to it and I felt like screaming, but instead got up from him fast and walked to the bathroom to throw up.
After that, he completely cold shouldered me. Barely talked to me, slept in the other bed, and was playing games or on his phone. I finally realized:I wasn't a partner, but an object to this person. He didn't feel ANYTHING. BUT. SEX. No love, anger, depression, happiness, nothing but sex/ lust. We had a few things in common, just completely opposite spectrums of sex drives, which he knew as such before meeting. Then left to go cheat on me, which I found out after the break up. This man knew my childhood past, knew I H.A.T.E.D cheaters, yet probably thought since I'm a virgin and he's my "boyfriend " he can get in my pants. That didn't work so he proceeded to get into someone else's, then basically went "lol sorry didn't know how to act around you."
He completely mentally screwed with me and my body, then acted like nothing happened. Now reliving my childhood trauma again by someone I thought I could trust, someone who I thought I can say NO to,but he didn't. I was already in a make or break situation, this is what broke it all. I dropped out of college, had to go too the hospital multiple times because I couldn't stop panicking, I wasn't mentally sane for quite sometime. I finally had enough of this cycle, and changed for the better.
I went to more therapy, slowly but surely took out my medications out the more I was able to cope, and my biggest accomplishment was the weight loss journey. It took 2 years, but I'm finally at a weight I'm more than happy with. I officially lost 135lbs and I feel absolutely incredible, I'm so much more happier than I ever been. I tried the dating Game 2 years after this, which also ended horribly in different ways (financially). learned my lesson again, and pulled back for a while. My goals now in life is to find a better job that treats me better, get out of my families house (I pay my own rent, bills, water, food etc) and move in with my best friend, everything's coming along because I'm finally listening to what I want.
I work on myself everyday and feel better as time passes, letting go of things and forgiving myself for things I've done is hard but SO worth it. I say no much firmer than I used to, and have boundaries that I've stuck to. I also learned I'm Demisexual, which is great because I felt like an outsider for so long. I could never describe to someone what I like or am, I just thought I was just bisexual. I also learned this applies to my drawings, so I deleted a few of my drawings and still will when I update them. I've got so much planned, many drawings I want with my new personsa/fursona I'm really excited to share with you all!
I'll be updating more and more as time goes on, and I've finally gotten into artwork again after 4 years. I feel great, the most comfortable I've been in my body in my entire life, and can't wait to show you all through my drawings as well.
Thanks for reading!:3
User Profile
Accepting Trades
Yes Accepting Commissions
Yes Character Species
Dragoness
Favorite Music
metal, rock,pop,
Favorite TV Shows & Movies
Age of Ultron, War horse, Red tails, up, Mulan
Favorite Games
Black ops(the original) and many others (thats just my top)
Favorite Gaming Platforms
Xbox one
Favorite Animals
wolf,dog,horse,dragon etc
Favorite Site
Deviantart,animo,tumblr,mangago👍
Favorite Foods & Drinks
Chinese food or ramen
Favorite Quote
"sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory"
Favorite Artists
ALLOT
Pizhma