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Comments Made: 255
Journals: 9
Recent Journal
Loneliness and learning to be okay with your own company
4 months ago
I’ve been doing a lot of growing this past year. For those who don’t already know, I checked into an outpatient for my mental health this year. If all goes as planned I hope to graduate by the new years, and seeing as how it’s year of the dragon it feels significant in some ways because that’s the luckiest year. It’s interesting too that it’s a wood dragon, because wood represents self reliance (among other things), and that’s a skill I’ve been working hard on gaining for myself.
I’ve done a lot of research on loneliness because it’s something that’s plagued my existence, growing up trans, autistic and with an emotionally neglectful mother. It’s hard because you can be surrounded by friends and love but can still feel alone, like a black hole obliterating every bit of happiness sent to you, however the best way to break that curse is to be vulnerable and say what you mean and how you feel. I don’t have the largest following so I’m not sure how many people will read this, but if I can help somebody else feel a little less alone, the it’s worth it.
For so long I played deeply into the victim mentality that often develops from people who grew up with turbulent childhoods. I’ve always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic, with friendships and romances. In middle school I would sit alone and wait for somebody to approach me. It never happened, and I’m still trying to get over the idea that if I found a boyfriend then I’d end up okay. But that’s not true, and the lack of a relationship is a part of why I feel lonely but it’s not the reason. The main one being I was raised to swallow my emotions.
Growing up my mom would yell at me or threaten to send me away when I cried or got mad, so I got very good at hiding any emotions. Even writing this I have the urge to cry but I physically cannot because I’m so used to hiding it. I highly encourage the next time somebody asks if you’re okay, answer honestly if you aren’t. It feels like everybody is bad and hates you, but I promise not everybody is bad. You can’t know that for certain unless they tell you, and if they do they aren’t worth your time.
A big part of feeling less lonely is reframing how you think and learning some self soothing tactics. Is it just me and my dogs at home while I write this? Yes. Would I love it if I had somebody by my side? Of course. But If I ignore the positives of being alone then I’m going to end up spiraling and hating myself. I’m alone but that means I can do whatever I want and I don’t need to feel obligated to do anything for anybody. There’s a freedom to just being able to enjoy doing things that make you happy without an pressure interrupting it. As for self soothing, I have a fluffy pillow that I snuggle up to and an old wolf plushy I sprayed with a vanilla scent I like, I get comfy in bed with my softest blankets and watch some comfort food entertainment. This whole paragraph is honestly kinda embarrassing and hard to write but that’s the point. One of my professors studied under the author of Fight Club and she taught us a trick to writing he taught her. If you write about a character fucking up or having something bad happen to them, people like them more because they relate, it shows you’re imperfect like them. My point isn’t to make you like me more but to show that being open is good.
If you read through this then honestly thank you, and I wish you so much luck on getting better because loneliness is a kind of epidemic at this point, a good chunk of us feel this way because of so many reasons the surgeon general wrote a whole book on it. Just remember loneliness isn’t a permanent thing, I promise there are people out there who love you, you just may not have found them yet. To quote Carol at the End of the world which I highly recommend “Sometimes things need a little time to be lost before they can be found.” Something I’ve learnt at my outpatient is your brain is lying to you. You just don’t realize how important you are to other people because they’re too scared to tell you. So tell them first, who knows it may inspire them. A close friend took me off guard the other week and told me how much he appreciated my vulnerability in how I was actually feeling, because it set the tone for the group. It made it easier for other people to be honest. I would also highly recommend consuming pretty much anything by Brené Brown. The way she writes is entertaining and so helpful. And remember progress isn’t linear 💚
I’ve done a lot of research on loneliness because it’s something that’s plagued my existence, growing up trans, autistic and with an emotionally neglectful mother. It’s hard because you can be surrounded by friends and love but can still feel alone, like a black hole obliterating every bit of happiness sent to you, however the best way to break that curse is to be vulnerable and say what you mean and how you feel. I don’t have the largest following so I’m not sure how many people will read this, but if I can help somebody else feel a little less alone, the it’s worth it.
For so long I played deeply into the victim mentality that often develops from people who grew up with turbulent childhoods. I’ve always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic, with friendships and romances. In middle school I would sit alone and wait for somebody to approach me. It never happened, and I’m still trying to get over the idea that if I found a boyfriend then I’d end up okay. But that’s not true, and the lack of a relationship is a part of why I feel lonely but it’s not the reason. The main one being I was raised to swallow my emotions.
Growing up my mom would yell at me or threaten to send me away when I cried or got mad, so I got very good at hiding any emotions. Even writing this I have the urge to cry but I physically cannot because I’m so used to hiding it. I highly encourage the next time somebody asks if you’re okay, answer honestly if you aren’t. It feels like everybody is bad and hates you, but I promise not everybody is bad. You can’t know that for certain unless they tell you, and if they do they aren’t worth your time.
A big part of feeling less lonely is reframing how you think and learning some self soothing tactics. Is it just me and my dogs at home while I write this? Yes. Would I love it if I had somebody by my side? Of course. But If I ignore the positives of being alone then I’m going to end up spiraling and hating myself. I’m alone but that means I can do whatever I want and I don’t need to feel obligated to do anything for anybody. There’s a freedom to just being able to enjoy doing things that make you happy without an pressure interrupting it. As for self soothing, I have a fluffy pillow that I snuggle up to and an old wolf plushy I sprayed with a vanilla scent I like, I get comfy in bed with my softest blankets and watch some comfort food entertainment. This whole paragraph is honestly kinda embarrassing and hard to write but that’s the point. One of my professors studied under the author of Fight Club and she taught us a trick to writing he taught her. If you write about a character fucking up or having something bad happen to them, people like them more because they relate, it shows you’re imperfect like them. My point isn’t to make you like me more but to show that being open is good.
If you read through this then honestly thank you, and I wish you so much luck on getting better because loneliness is a kind of epidemic at this point, a good chunk of us feel this way because of so many reasons the surgeon general wrote a whole book on it. Just remember loneliness isn’t a permanent thing, I promise there are people out there who love you, you just may not have found them yet. To quote Carol at the End of the world which I highly recommend “Sometimes things need a little time to be lost before they can be found.” Something I’ve learnt at my outpatient is your brain is lying to you. You just don’t realize how important you are to other people because they’re too scared to tell you. So tell them first, who knows it may inspire them. A close friend took me off guard the other week and told me how much he appreciated my vulnerability in how I was actually feeling, because it set the tone for the group. It made it easier for other people to be honest. I would also highly recommend consuming pretty much anything by Brené Brown. The way she writes is entertaining and so helpful. And remember progress isn’t linear 💚
User Profile
Accepting Trades
Yes Accepting Commissions
Yes Character Species
Skull coyote thing
Favorite Music
Been really into Country lately (but not the garbage you’d hear on the radio) Orville Peck and Marty Robbins are the goat
Favorite TV Shows & Movies
Really can’t choose
Favorite Games
Splatoon (I have around 1750 hours combined), FNV (lead animator was a Proff of mine) and Outer Wilds
Favorite Gaming Platforms
Who cares- but I am a nintendo guy
Favorite Animals
Centipedes are pretty cool, but I love horses and coyotes
Favorite Site
All are terrible in their own way
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Anything Matcha flavored
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“I don’t want a reflection on humanity, I want a reflection on goblins” - Vinny Vinesauce
Favorite Artists
There’s a lot... but I’m diggin Chris Du Toit’s stuff rn
Histosh