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Comments Earned: 208
Comments Made: 216
Journals: 2
Comments Made: 216
Journals: 2
Recent Journal
My thoughts on Trias and his crew post-flogging & post-ba...
2 months ago
So- let's talk about Trias and his friend group he's so carefully selected for himself.
In the past, things were simpler. Trias was trying to find his groove, and yet he was still making some rather impressive art pieces, even though he didn't feel that way. As an aspiring art maker myself, I can see why, but at the time- things were peaceful. No negativity, if not rarely so- just the group, the art streams, the postings, and so on and so forth. And whenever something odd or suspicious happened? I passed it off, because at the time I thought I knew better, and I just thought it was just a thing.
Then later in the years, Trias' art changed, and his behaviors as well. His style got more well-rounded, more bright, and honestly I was for that sort of change. I was MORE than excited at that point to potentially commission Trias, because of how much work and artistry went into it. What I wasn't a fan of, however? His behavioral changes. Going into the 2020 decade (big shock, right?), he became more tired, more irritable, and the same happened with some of his friends, LB in particular. But, one little mishap later, and what began as nothing more than a harmless misunderstanding set into motion things I wasn't prepared for. But at the time, I thought of it as if, again, it was just a thing. Trias was Trias, so it's not like he and his crew are THAT bad, right? I can just get to know them a little more, and I'll be able to know them better for it.
I want to KICK my past self in the ASS for thinking that was EVER a good idea...
First, however, came the return of Trias' server, and I and many others couldn't have been happier. A chance to check out Tri's works, get in on conversations that they were having, in-jokes that we could laugh about, help steer Trias to a brighter future for both his projects AND his mental and physical well being? How could we say no? ...I wish I did. Because after a while of just chilling, occasionally gossiping, and listening to what other people said- I started noticing some rather... uncomfortable things. LB in particular was the BIGGEST offender of this, but sometimes- people in that server had a nasty habit of shooting down opposing viewpoints different to their own, and REALLY found solace in heckling things they personally thought was bad, while I didn't think so. However- EVERYONE there was too focused on the bad, to the point where ANY semblance of positivity was shot down with "facts" or "stronger opinions" or even just flat out RANTS or WARNINGS at WORST.
At first, I could roll with it. I could apologize, try steering the conversation to something ELSE, with administrative help (unfortunately), and everything was fine. Then I decided to try and be friends with some of them. I noticed people like LB, Jack, and even Apoth had similar interests that I did, different servers with topics we shared, similar friends, franchises, and so on. Going forward, however, they became something I was not fully prepared for. Whether it be a different opinion, fact, or just whatever I did to try and make the server feel more healthy and a better place to talk about things, they did NOT want to hear it. And even worse- they contradicted themselves, and even their own RULES- namely no politics, and when people tried to step in with THEIR own thoughts, it was soon shot down, and BOY did that not feel great.
That, and trying to do a stream share went nowhere, and no matter how hard I tried- it just wasn't good enough. Didn't help they made me think I cancelled streams early because of this or that, trying to get details and being told no, minor as that was, and it honestly felt like I was being conditioned to be a baby- ME, of all people!
Okay, so negative views up the wazoo disguised as "real" facts, especially when they were used to talk DOWN to people, as well as contradictions that THEY accused me of having, and keeping me at arms length for the most pathetic of reasons- I could still roll with that, albeit uncomfortably. But THEN came easily my WORST birthday year PERIOD. Having gotten a little curious/annoyed with me doing all this, they asked why I did this constantly, and I gave my answer. They didn't like it, and one harmless joke about well-intentioned extremists later, and soon, I was made out to be a martyr, and was put on mute, like I had just committed the gravest sin. It ate me up on the inside. They wanted an answer, and for my sins- I gave it to them, and they put me in the corner. That was enough for me to try and contemplate suicide, at that point, and one talk-down later, and I tried to put my best foot forward.
But that wasn't the nail in the coffin. First, Scarlet and Violet happened, and everyone REVELLED in heckling the glitches and problems with it- except me. At that point, my brain wasn't in a good place, and no matter how hard I tried to steer it away, or just ignore it- it was just one thing after another. It made me miserable, and trying to stop it just made me feel worse on the inside. Worse YET, apoth, cassie glasglow, and DINK, of all people, decided to heckle me and make me feel more like shit for feeling depressed and suicidal. I hated it. Eventually, during Christmas of 2022, it came down to me being perma-muted, doing reactions, and not being allowed to do THAT whenever something came up, and it made me feel even WORSE. I tried to tone it down, but eventually- Jack banned me after one too many reactions gone slightly overboard. I pushed the envelope, and got booted for it, by the one person who was the mediator to this. That, and apothrycrii pretty much decided to make it a point to get me banned from TWO SERVERS. One with WildeGems, and the other with kitsuneyokai.
And then came the streams. I was still allowed in there, but at that point, normalcy was out the window when it came to me and them. No matter how much I tried to be a good person, tried to help, gave my 2 cents and so on, it wasn't good enough for them anymore. I merely gave opinions, and occasionally counter-points to set the record straight, because I didn't want to be part of a Picarto stream where everyone just watched negative shit, and was just more focused on heckling instead of actual ART. And to them, all of that stuff I was trying to do drove them up the wall, to the point that one fateful May- LB SNAPPED. He went on a rant, and it got to the point where he and Trias banned me- and SLANDERED me. Banning me from there was bad enough, but that? If I wasn't dead-set on offing myself before- that right there was ultimately where the straw broke this camel's back.
And believe it or not? This journal I'm making talking about Trias? Wasn't even the first one I made talking about this. The others got deleted because apoth heckled me into deleting them, and it just made me feel so fucking MENTAL afterwards.
So Trias allowed LB to tear into me for just being myself and trying to lighten things up and AVOID negativity, apoth to gaslight me, and he had PROOF to get me banned for it, and Jack pretty much OSTRACIZED me for my depressed behavior- and good LORD, did I feel like shit for the rest of the year, to the point I SWORE off Trias, and the worst part? I wanted to COMM this person, even though his comm list hasn't been touched in over a YEAR, and he actively stated he HATED doing them. And the cherry on top? Going BEHIND my back to tell me I'm a fucking piece of shit for untrue reasons.
Why did I EVER want to be friends with these kinds of people? Just- WHY?!
I can't believe I ever thought I could impact their lives for the better, and that they could treat me as more than a butt monkey to their jokes. And that shit just makes me feel WORSE for it...
In the past, things were simpler. Trias was trying to find his groove, and yet he was still making some rather impressive art pieces, even though he didn't feel that way. As an aspiring art maker myself, I can see why, but at the time- things were peaceful. No negativity, if not rarely so- just the group, the art streams, the postings, and so on and so forth. And whenever something odd or suspicious happened? I passed it off, because at the time I thought I knew better, and I just thought it was just a thing.
Then later in the years, Trias' art changed, and his behaviors as well. His style got more well-rounded, more bright, and honestly I was for that sort of change. I was MORE than excited at that point to potentially commission Trias, because of how much work and artistry went into it. What I wasn't a fan of, however? His behavioral changes. Going into the 2020 decade (big shock, right?), he became more tired, more irritable, and the same happened with some of his friends, LB in particular. But, one little mishap later, and what began as nothing more than a harmless misunderstanding set into motion things I wasn't prepared for. But at the time, I thought of it as if, again, it was just a thing. Trias was Trias, so it's not like he and his crew are THAT bad, right? I can just get to know them a little more, and I'll be able to know them better for it.
I want to KICK my past self in the ASS for thinking that was EVER a good idea...
First, however, came the return of Trias' server, and I and many others couldn't have been happier. A chance to check out Tri's works, get in on conversations that they were having, in-jokes that we could laugh about, help steer Trias to a brighter future for both his projects AND his mental and physical well being? How could we say no? ...I wish I did. Because after a while of just chilling, occasionally gossiping, and listening to what other people said- I started noticing some rather... uncomfortable things. LB in particular was the BIGGEST offender of this, but sometimes- people in that server had a nasty habit of shooting down opposing viewpoints different to their own, and REALLY found solace in heckling things they personally thought was bad, while I didn't think so. However- EVERYONE there was too focused on the bad, to the point where ANY semblance of positivity was shot down with "facts" or "stronger opinions" or even just flat out RANTS or WARNINGS at WORST.
At first, I could roll with it. I could apologize, try steering the conversation to something ELSE, with administrative help (unfortunately), and everything was fine. Then I decided to try and be friends with some of them. I noticed people like LB, Jack, and even Apoth had similar interests that I did, different servers with topics we shared, similar friends, franchises, and so on. Going forward, however, they became something I was not fully prepared for. Whether it be a different opinion, fact, or just whatever I did to try and make the server feel more healthy and a better place to talk about things, they did NOT want to hear it. And even worse- they contradicted themselves, and even their own RULES- namely no politics, and when people tried to step in with THEIR own thoughts, it was soon shot down, and BOY did that not feel great.
That, and trying to do a stream share went nowhere, and no matter how hard I tried- it just wasn't good enough. Didn't help they made me think I cancelled streams early because of this or that, trying to get details and being told no, minor as that was, and it honestly felt like I was being conditioned to be a baby- ME, of all people!
Okay, so negative views up the wazoo disguised as "real" facts, especially when they were used to talk DOWN to people, as well as contradictions that THEY accused me of having, and keeping me at arms length for the most pathetic of reasons- I could still roll with that, albeit uncomfortably. But THEN came easily my WORST birthday year PERIOD. Having gotten a little curious/annoyed with me doing all this, they asked why I did this constantly, and I gave my answer. They didn't like it, and one harmless joke about well-intentioned extremists later, and soon, I was made out to be a martyr, and was put on mute, like I had just committed the gravest sin. It ate me up on the inside. They wanted an answer, and for my sins- I gave it to them, and they put me in the corner. That was enough for me to try and contemplate suicide, at that point, and one talk-down later, and I tried to put my best foot forward.
But that wasn't the nail in the coffin. First, Scarlet and Violet happened, and everyone REVELLED in heckling the glitches and problems with it- except me. At that point, my brain wasn't in a good place, and no matter how hard I tried to steer it away, or just ignore it- it was just one thing after another. It made me miserable, and trying to stop it just made me feel worse on the inside. Worse YET, apoth, cassie glasglow, and DINK, of all people, decided to heckle me and make me feel more like shit for feeling depressed and suicidal. I hated it. Eventually, during Christmas of 2022, it came down to me being perma-muted, doing reactions, and not being allowed to do THAT whenever something came up, and it made me feel even WORSE. I tried to tone it down, but eventually- Jack banned me after one too many reactions gone slightly overboard. I pushed the envelope, and got booted for it, by the one person who was the mediator to this. That, and apothrycrii pretty much decided to make it a point to get me banned from TWO SERVERS. One with WildeGems, and the other with kitsuneyokai.
And then came the streams. I was still allowed in there, but at that point, normalcy was out the window when it came to me and them. No matter how much I tried to be a good person, tried to help, gave my 2 cents and so on, it wasn't good enough for them anymore. I merely gave opinions, and occasionally counter-points to set the record straight, because I didn't want to be part of a Picarto stream where everyone just watched negative shit, and was just more focused on heckling instead of actual ART. And to them, all of that stuff I was trying to do drove them up the wall, to the point that one fateful May- LB SNAPPED. He went on a rant, and it got to the point where he and Trias banned me- and SLANDERED me. Banning me from there was bad enough, but that? If I wasn't dead-set on offing myself before- that right there was ultimately where the straw broke this camel's back.
And believe it or not? This journal I'm making talking about Trias? Wasn't even the first one I made talking about this. The others got deleted because apoth heckled me into deleting them, and it just made me feel so fucking MENTAL afterwards.
So Trias allowed LB to tear into me for just being myself and trying to lighten things up and AVOID negativity, apoth to gaslight me, and he had PROOF to get me banned for it, and Jack pretty much OSTRACIZED me for my depressed behavior- and good LORD, did I feel like shit for the rest of the year, to the point I SWORE off Trias, and the worst part? I wanted to COMM this person, even though his comm list hasn't been touched in over a YEAR, and he actively stated he HATED doing them. And the cherry on top? Going BEHIND my back to tell me I'm a fucking piece of shit for untrue reasons.
Why did I EVER want to be friends with these kinds of people? Just- WHY?!
I can't believe I ever thought I could impact their lives for the better, and that they could treat me as more than a butt monkey to their jokes. And that shit just makes me feel WORSE for it...
User Profile
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NightLight Fury and/or T-Rex
Favorite Music
Rock and/or techno. Anything epic, really
Favorite TV Shows & Movies
Transformers G1
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Pokemon
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Nintendo Switch, 3DS, PC
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Watch Cartoon Online (trust me, it's safe)
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Pineapples
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To hate other artists is to hate the artist's style or their views.
Favorite Artists
Gillpanda, honestly
LEONILEO
Thank you so much for the +watch!(´ ε ` )♡