Views: 17997
Submissions: 38
Favs: 713
~ScarfyConly
Hey there! Welcome to my profile! I'm really glad that you took the time to come over. Its very nice of to meet you, I'm a very happy wolf and I never like to start problems with any other person, but once you start a problem with me, then, seriously what did I do to deserve it? Let me know... Anyways. You could make the argument that I live in a hole or a den, or someone besides my parents. But to be honest, I really don't mind. :) I'm currently a college student trying to get my degree in Screenwriting or possibly journalism even. I also like paws, they're just so, fascinating to me.
I DO NOT converse here often unless its replies on commissions or, notes, if you wanna chat with me, please follow me on Twitter. I'd be up for talking.
My hobbies are films, video games, writing and typing, listening to video game music and orchestra when I feel like it.
Who inspired you to become a furry?
, she's just an awesome person.
How long have you been a furry?
You could say 7 years, but technically I just started. ;)
My brothers in the podcast:
Big brother , brother , little bro .
My precious treasures:
frozen_badger DantePD strelok1988 aethan vikingbeast69 buddygoodboyesq radartherat and many others.
Groups:
{Does this prove my point? Consider if I wasn't ethical.}
I DO NOT converse here often unless its replies on commissions or, notes, if you wanna chat with me, please follow me on Twitter. I'd be up for talking.
My hobbies are films, video games, writing and typing, listening to video game music and orchestra when I feel like it.
Who inspired you to become a furry?
, she's just an awesome person.
How long have you been a furry?
You could say 7 years, but technically I just started. ;)
My brothers in the podcast:
Big brother , brother , little bro .
My precious treasures:
frozen_badger DantePD strelok1988 aethan vikingbeast69 buddygoodboyesq radartherat and many others.
Groups:
{Does this prove my point? Consider if I wasn't ethical.}
Stats
Comments Earned: 508
Comments Made: 825
Journals: 60
Comments Made: 825
Journals: 60
Recent Journal
Been a while since I talked/what's been on my mind.
4 years ago
Hi, everyone. Its Scarfy. I know its been a while since I posted, but I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind for the past few days that, I didn’t really think too much of it at first, but since the start of the year, and I’m gonna be going back to school starting next Tuesday, there’s been a lot of boxes that just kind of opened in my head. And some that I really need to talk to all of you about. So here goes:
When we’re young, and as long as our parents are not physically abusive, we think they’re the best people in the world. Myself included. But as I got older, I started noticing that things in my life were not exactly as they should. I learned some things about my Mom that was shielded from me, mostly because I was too young to understand:
She was sexually abused by her male relatives at a young age all the way up until she was in her mid-teens. Filling up her voids and hurt with alcohol, drugs of many kinds, including heroin and marijuana, eventually, I entered her life when she was 18, she would turn 19, a month later. It’s been a decade since I got to see my biological father. Unfortunately, because her hands were tied with raising me, she was unable to seek medical help for her mentalities and what she was struggling with.
So, she filled it with another thing, church. When you’re a poor single family, eventually raising two more children on top of it? Religion counts for a lot. You feel special. It’s like “God is gonna take care of you and your family so long as you keep following him.” And as the years followed, I believed that. My Mom graduated in nursing by the time I was in 7th grade in middle school. And we lived in a nice apartment, that I always thought came from my Mom’s and my Dad’s (the one who eventually raised me and my half-brothers) earnings.
They didn’t.
They came from student loans which my Mom and Dad used, which to this day I can only assume haven’t been paid off. And eventually after some, difficult fights. My Dad finally divorced my Mom, and since she could willingly, legally and above all financially take care of me, especially since she makes the most money compared to my Dad, my brothers and I were given full custody to my Mom, where my Dad could come and visit every weekend when available, while also paying child support, which for whatever silly reason (which is only between her and him), he never paid.
As I got older, and when we were moving into a lot of different places, from Santa Clarita to Seattle Washington, back to my hometown in California, back to Seattle again, back to California. I began to notice a pattern here. My Mom, was not in the right frame of mind. She talked to herself and rambled while she was driving. She would make very hasty and really thoughtless decisions when it affected people around her. And she said that she’s been struggling and hearing voices in her head that she couldn’t tell where it was coming from. And after my middle brother was taken away, I thought it was because he wanted to rebel against her, when in reality he just wanted to be himself regardless of how she felt about it.
And because I was 18 and really didn’t have any places to go or live and nowadays everything costs a lot, I had to stick with her for another 5 years before finally being forced to move into a group home that she put me in, that stripped me of my independence, what does this mean?
Every day that I live, I can’t have any medication on my person without asking for it. Meaning if I didn’t have any, I would either have to “deal with constant headaches” and tough it out, so I keep those hidden.
Can’t have sharp objects, weapons, heavy tools or chemicals like Listerine or laundry detergent in my room. And every Monday – Friday, unless stated otherwise or a holiday, I have to be out of the house by 9AM to around 2PM, and, due to being an introvert (not like being outside), I usually go to a Starbucks or something and wait it out, every Monday through Friday. It’s exhausting.
On top of all that, while the plus sides are that I don’t have to pay rent or pay a whole lot of bills, its detrimental to my other points of health. I should be learning responsibility that I don’t get to learn until I’m out! I don’t even own my car. And every day that I’m here, slowly drains a little bit of my patience, my sanity and most important, my tough spirit. Its thanks to that I even put up with this nonsense.
My Mom, in my opinion, needs help and she refuse to admit to that, or accept her two queer children, myself included. She stated that I needed medication or help and that I was a toxic human being. When I am the one who is now fully awake while she decides to stay asleep and pretend everything is okay, when it’s not. And she controlled every aspect of my life and my brothers lives until we left.
And now, finally, as I welcome the new year and the start of a new decade, I’m closer to getting my degree. And right now? I’m angry.
I’m angry that I had to look at my education as an “eyes on the prize” scenario. I took a degree that I found interest in, most definitely, and for the most part, its been fun when its fun. But I also have looked at it in a way of, not wanting to be poor or make the poor choices like my parents made. Where I could enjoy my ride, instead of having to basically pay more attention to get the degree that I really want and hold the paper in my hand, and what’s worse is… after I graduate, a job isn’t gonna fall right into my lap. *shrugs* I still have to look for that. And right now, all I can think about is trying to learn how I can survive.
I put a lot of effort trying to make others happy because they’re some of the best people I know. Lately, though. I’ve just been so overwhelmed. And I'm just hit with reality, you know, I earned that degree, but I also have to live up to it. And I still have to teach myself, so to speak. And, everyone has been asking me about what kind of job I want, and... all while it’s good to dream, I don't really know what's gonna happen.
In all honesty, I have a good feeling that my dream may not even come true. Because all I can think about is trying to SURVIVE. Let alone actually have a job that I enjoy that I get paid off of.
That’s really what’s been on my mind these past few days. And I'm worried, and I don't know what's gonna happen, and I can only hope that things get a whole lot better from here.
When we’re young, and as long as our parents are not physically abusive, we think they’re the best people in the world. Myself included. But as I got older, I started noticing that things in my life were not exactly as they should. I learned some things about my Mom that was shielded from me, mostly because I was too young to understand:
She was sexually abused by her male relatives at a young age all the way up until she was in her mid-teens. Filling up her voids and hurt with alcohol, drugs of many kinds, including heroin and marijuana, eventually, I entered her life when she was 18, she would turn 19, a month later. It’s been a decade since I got to see my biological father. Unfortunately, because her hands were tied with raising me, she was unable to seek medical help for her mentalities and what she was struggling with.
So, she filled it with another thing, church. When you’re a poor single family, eventually raising two more children on top of it? Religion counts for a lot. You feel special. It’s like “God is gonna take care of you and your family so long as you keep following him.” And as the years followed, I believed that. My Mom graduated in nursing by the time I was in 7th grade in middle school. And we lived in a nice apartment, that I always thought came from my Mom’s and my Dad’s (the one who eventually raised me and my half-brothers) earnings.
They didn’t.
They came from student loans which my Mom and Dad used, which to this day I can only assume haven’t been paid off. And eventually after some, difficult fights. My Dad finally divorced my Mom, and since she could willingly, legally and above all financially take care of me, especially since she makes the most money compared to my Dad, my brothers and I were given full custody to my Mom, where my Dad could come and visit every weekend when available, while also paying child support, which for whatever silly reason (which is only between her and him), he never paid.
As I got older, and when we were moving into a lot of different places, from Santa Clarita to Seattle Washington, back to my hometown in California, back to Seattle again, back to California. I began to notice a pattern here. My Mom, was not in the right frame of mind. She talked to herself and rambled while she was driving. She would make very hasty and really thoughtless decisions when it affected people around her. And she said that she’s been struggling and hearing voices in her head that she couldn’t tell where it was coming from. And after my middle brother was taken away, I thought it was because he wanted to rebel against her, when in reality he just wanted to be himself regardless of how she felt about it.
And because I was 18 and really didn’t have any places to go or live and nowadays everything costs a lot, I had to stick with her for another 5 years before finally being forced to move into a group home that she put me in, that stripped me of my independence, what does this mean?
Every day that I live, I can’t have any medication on my person without asking for it. Meaning if I didn’t have any, I would either have to “deal with constant headaches” and tough it out, so I keep those hidden.
Can’t have sharp objects, weapons, heavy tools or chemicals like Listerine or laundry detergent in my room. And every Monday – Friday, unless stated otherwise or a holiday, I have to be out of the house by 9AM to around 2PM, and, due to being an introvert (not like being outside), I usually go to a Starbucks or something and wait it out, every Monday through Friday. It’s exhausting.
On top of all that, while the plus sides are that I don’t have to pay rent or pay a whole lot of bills, its detrimental to my other points of health. I should be learning responsibility that I don’t get to learn until I’m out! I don’t even own my car. And every day that I’m here, slowly drains a little bit of my patience, my sanity and most important, my tough spirit. Its thanks to that I even put up with this nonsense.
My Mom, in my opinion, needs help and she refuse to admit to that, or accept her two queer children, myself included. She stated that I needed medication or help and that I was a toxic human being. When I am the one who is now fully awake while she decides to stay asleep and pretend everything is okay, when it’s not. And she controlled every aspect of my life and my brothers lives until we left.
And now, finally, as I welcome the new year and the start of a new decade, I’m closer to getting my degree. And right now? I’m angry.
I’m angry that I had to look at my education as an “eyes on the prize” scenario. I took a degree that I found interest in, most definitely, and for the most part, its been fun when its fun. But I also have looked at it in a way of, not wanting to be poor or make the poor choices like my parents made. Where I could enjoy my ride, instead of having to basically pay more attention to get the degree that I really want and hold the paper in my hand, and what’s worse is… after I graduate, a job isn’t gonna fall right into my lap. *shrugs* I still have to look for that. And right now, all I can think about is trying to learn how I can survive.
I put a lot of effort trying to make others happy because they’re some of the best people I know. Lately, though. I’ve just been so overwhelmed. And I'm just hit with reality, you know, I earned that degree, but I also have to live up to it. And I still have to teach myself, so to speak. And, everyone has been asking me about what kind of job I want, and... all while it’s good to dream, I don't really know what's gonna happen.
In all honesty, I have a good feeling that my dream may not even come true. Because all I can think about is trying to SURVIVE. Let alone actually have a job that I enjoy that I get paid off of.
That’s really what’s been on my mind these past few days. And I'm worried, and I don't know what's gonna happen, and I can only hope that things get a whole lot better from here.
User Profile
Accepting Trades
No Accepting Commissions
No Character Species
Wolf (Canid) Anthro
Favorite Music
Video Game Music, orchestral music, score, a wide variety of music in general.
Favorite TV Shows & Movies
LOTR trilogy, (Part III if split) But I like other movies too! :)
Favorite Games
Favorite series of all time is MOTHER. But I like other games too :)
Favorite Gaming Platforms
SNES, GameCube, Wii
Favorite Animals
Cat (Domestic), Wolf (Wild)
Favorite Site
youtube.com, twitter.com, facebook.com, the usual...
Favorite Foods & Drinks
Sushi, sushi, AND sushi.
Favorite Quote
"If you don't deserve my best, than you definitely don't deserve my worse." - Marilyn Monroe
Contact Information
I'm no artist. All the art in my gallery are comissioned from other artists.
Be sure to check the gallery of the ones you enjoyed it!
BresnanBear