Views: 18055
Submissions: 514
Favs: 5875
~Spazzfur
Hey, old cringe username please disregard but call me Gij
I'm a freelance artist who is into videogames/tabletops. Self taught.
I'm not really an open book but here are a few things I'm about. vvvvv
If you're into babyfur shit BE GONE CRIB-TICKLER
TOSS A COIN TO YOUR WITCHER
A scared bunnox between two violent reptiles vvvvvv
Other cool people vvvvvv
<-
Featured Submission
Stats
Comments Earned: 3031
Comments Made: 3009
Journals: 156
Comments Made: 3009
Journals: 156
Recent Journal
Letting it out
2 years ago
So people have prolly noticed my absence and I'm gonna be real with you guys... I've been really fucking depressed. The larger the gap grew in time the more anxious I got to write this (also was gonna do it the first of april and then I was like "that's a bad idea. no one will take me seriously"
I was hoping to get my screen fixed or to a way where I "got use to it" but it's really hard and not being able to do the quality I had done before is depressing. Actually my commissions que has filled me with alot of anxiety because, yes. I know it's there. I have had people prod me. I had this person play a cat and mouse game where instead of straight up saying he wanted a refund it was like a game to get me to take a hint and make me say it for him. I hated that.
These hollow conversations that start off like "hey man you doing ok? bad? cool WHERE IS MY ART?"
bro, idk how to tell you but if I blow my brains out there's no art hah.
The father that abused me all my life has cancer and my mom is trying to paint me as some kind of badguy because I haven't venerated him. Dude getting cancer doesn't take away you beat me and you threw our little dogs around the house like they were nothing. He's not attempted to make any kind of peace with me either.
Then there's been the escape. I had tops maybe 3 friends before this break? now I'm a lil overwhelmed.
I joined this other community, I took a break and played some games and now suddenly for the first time in my life I have friends for my personality and not my art. That's surreal to me. No one has really described me as "charismatic" before, I'm usually "just a downer" and people can be cruel man. I thought before that people were just always gonna be like that to me. Why? because bad things I couldn't control happened to me and now I get to be some kind of social pariah because I struggle with depression. You know how many people have just tried to use me for art or for career stuff?
One of these few friends I had constantly bothered me. He told me that I was working myself to death and I needed a break.....and funny thing is when I took said break he was mad at me. I knew this man 15 years of my life and it was really hard to open my eyes but before me was an emotional leech. Someone who wanted every ounce of my time regardless of what I felt. It wasn't about taking a break..it was about dropping everything to devote time to him...and when I didn't he was extremely mad at me.
So, there are my thoughts. I've been anxious about typing them and I just assume people will be mad at me. (or will be like "I'm sorry.....anyways about my shit"
Same reason I've posted -NOTHING-. I feel like people are going to jump all over me if it isn't work related but I have done a little art....pale attempts to get use to just how dogshit my screen is.
I was hoping to get my screen fixed or to a way where I "got use to it" but it's really hard and not being able to do the quality I had done before is depressing. Actually my commissions que has filled me with alot of anxiety because, yes. I know it's there. I have had people prod me. I had this person play a cat and mouse game where instead of straight up saying he wanted a refund it was like a game to get me to take a hint and make me say it for him. I hated that.
These hollow conversations that start off like "hey man you doing ok? bad? cool WHERE IS MY ART?"
bro, idk how to tell you but if I blow my brains out there's no art hah.
The father that abused me all my life has cancer and my mom is trying to paint me as some kind of badguy because I haven't venerated him. Dude getting cancer doesn't take away you beat me and you threw our little dogs around the house like they were nothing. He's not attempted to make any kind of peace with me either.
Then there's been the escape. I had tops maybe 3 friends before this break? now I'm a lil overwhelmed.
I joined this other community, I took a break and played some games and now suddenly for the first time in my life I have friends for my personality and not my art. That's surreal to me. No one has really described me as "charismatic" before, I'm usually "just a downer" and people can be cruel man. I thought before that people were just always gonna be like that to me. Why? because bad things I couldn't control happened to me and now I get to be some kind of social pariah because I struggle with depression. You know how many people have just tried to use me for art or for career stuff?
One of these few friends I had constantly bothered me. He told me that I was working myself to death and I needed a break.....and funny thing is when I took said break he was mad at me. I knew this man 15 years of my life and it was really hard to open my eyes but before me was an emotional leech. Someone who wanted every ounce of my time regardless of what I felt. It wasn't about taking a break..it was about dropping everything to devote time to him...and when I didn't he was extremely mad at me.
So, there are my thoughts. I've been anxious about typing them and I just assume people will be mad at me. (or will be like "I'm sorry.....anyways about my shit"
Same reason I've posted -NOTHING-. I feel like people are going to jump all over me if it isn't work related but I have done a little art....pale attempts to get use to just how dogshit my screen is.
User Profile
Accepting Trades
No Accepting Commissions
Yes Character Species
Wyvern
Favorite Gaming Platforms
PC
Favorite Animals
Wyverns, Dragons, Gryphons, Small dogs
Favorite Foods & Drinks
Tacos,pizza...pretty much every junkfood
Favorite Quote
RP isn't cringy if it's done right
Aomamesbeast