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~YaoiMeowmaster
Call us Beebz
they/them mainly | 27 years old | Black / Puerto Rican
I'm a Latino artist and voice actor who also writes, codes and 3d models in my spare time. My main fandoms include Hetalia, HazbinHotel and Furry in general. Equal opportunity Loli Shota Cub and everything in between enjoyer. Pansexual in a closed poly relationship. I stand against gatekeepers and people who judge those who enjoy things that harm no one.
I'm pretty nice and friendly, just please be mindful not to direct lewd comments toward me as a person. Toward my characters or work is fine.
✨Freedom of expression in fiction✨
DO NOT edit my art or voice tracks.
You MAY repost my art WITH CREDIT!!!
Thank you for visiting my page!
All characters depicted are 21+
Stats
Comments Earned: 3954
Comments Made: 4085
Journals: 400
Comments Made: 4085
Journals: 400
Featured Journal
Update::x-post from Inkbunny
a month ago
Hey so for some reason i guess our old street experience kicked in for my surival sake. Ive located a day center and also paid for 1 month at the ymca which is another place i can stay and shower. and to sleep theres a church courtyard with security cameras and its not solitary or spooky and both places are in walking distance literally just a block loop.
For some reason i almost feel this trauma imformed sense of relief st having more freedoms. Not that it was hell in the shelter, it just felt i guess nice that i wouldnt have to waste food and have access to my own stuff. I dont know why, maybe I felt choked by the routine snd structure? But then the fact that i feel better out of it feels like "why am i valuing such freedom?" Well for one itsvnot cold with me gettng hypo thermia every other day. and with savvy safe in a foster im not limited by where i can go...
But aalso it just makes me wonder and feel ashamedl i know im burnt out. I have been since at least 2021. But I dont really get the opportunities to recharge. Not on the level that i need. I'm very sick mentally and im accidentally jeipardizing my relationships because of the deep self loathing i have that.. i dunno, burns out their empathy. And the extreme things i feel i then dont want to tell anyone because things are so unfair it bums them out that im inna bad position.
I dont want this to be the rest of my life just begging for money... I think people dont realize that me taking so long to work isnt just simply because i dont feel like it or dont want to. My severe ADHD has made me miserable more than once or twice. I dont get to have real, genuine specialized care because even when im not masking, clinicians dont believe me.
I have been saying scary stuff about wanting to self harm in various an trying to vent and cope but i dont really intend to go through with it its like my constant desire to die just spiced up. Ive been coping how i can. Vent art. Vent poems, trying to be good,,, trying to be good and make the bad stuff in my mind stop.
I miss my friends... I keep dreaming about them, especially my partner who i knew for 15 years and it sucks not knowing that they were upset and didnt bring anything up until it was too late for me to redeem myself. I miss my old roommates that let me stay in their basement. I dream about day to day life just with friends being there bu im sure it sounds creepy,
I miss the person who would be gruff but supportive. She was doing her best. I didnt want the stepback of my own to be forever.
Im chronically lonely. Having the depths of my mental illness swallow me so hard that it just makes things too hard for other people really sucks. I dont know how else to get these distressing feeling out without resorting to going over the edge. Im endlessly supported by people which i have endless appreciation for.
I dont think the things they told me were wrong, but they hurt all the same. Told to be an adult by multiple people and... I get that at the end of the day with important stuff its gotta get done regardless of how you feel but a reminder doesnt help. I AM trying. Im just frustrated because my current capacity isnt enough and i cant constantly maintain the gotta keep going mindset even if i want to. Sometimes ive tried for hours to will myelf to get water and thats not a brag. it sucks i wish so much to be normal but i havent had luck with trying to turn things around which i do behind the scenes constantly.
You dont know how many self care and psych harm prevention things iv listened to or watched and try to put into practice. And again thats not a brag just yeah i am an active participant in my own dbt cbt whatever. Its not just me always accepting darkness i try but its often times not copeful ebough,
This isnt an attack or callot or whatever esp because the specified ones dont go here so its not easy to sus out or try to cause more drama. \
Bottom line is i respect that how I handle my current situation has made my friends want to step away for their well-being. I dont wish harm or revenge or coercion i just straight miss them and feel absolutely crushed and i think thats fair for me to feel to... I just wish that i could have been given like a talk about if you do x again im gonna be mad because my friend and i established that to avoid issues.
I just wish and hope beyond that i can get a break to break diwn my trauma sn heal in a safe secure controlled way. Then maybe i can in som ways return to the vibrancy we used to have that we've lost which is also awful because its just whate been happening to me
Anyways im coping and im doing my best i swear im not trying to manipulate anyone inhate being driven to ask anyway... Like i said im aware of my commissions but the adhd and depression is so strong some days i wont even open clip at all. Its not as though i want to run off. I think a few people here can testify that ive given them refunds when i could finish a project. Every time i could afford it i wanted to make sure i wasnt in debt to someone for too long and even though im slow keep my reputation at least admirable.
I guess what im saying is i still want to do my best in terms of being an Artist and have a smarter system of dealing with clients and making sure things are delivered without a problem. Im sure ppl can understand my life has been pretty hellish.
With that being said, if i owe you a commission,(voice or art) and you would like a refund / the project to be continued. There are 4 people I know I owe stuff to, 3 on commiss.io so i have their info, but the 1 voice script i couldnt do now for obvious reasons. And 1 illustration from discord.
So if you aren't one of these people ive remained in contact with and i owe you a comm or refund, please note me here.
In the opening note, please include as much of the following info if you have it
Where we discussed terms (discord, email, etc)
What was the commission supposed to be
How much was paid for it
When the commission was placed (exact datebnot needed)
Notes: anything you feel the need to tell me if you like, ill try to take it in stride.
For some reason i almost feel this trauma imformed sense of relief st having more freedoms. Not that it was hell in the shelter, it just felt i guess nice that i wouldnt have to waste food and have access to my own stuff. I dont know why, maybe I felt choked by the routine snd structure? But then the fact that i feel better out of it feels like "why am i valuing such freedom?" Well for one itsvnot cold with me gettng hypo thermia every other day. and with savvy safe in a foster im not limited by where i can go...
But aalso it just makes me wonder and feel ashamedl i know im burnt out. I have been since at least 2021. But I dont really get the opportunities to recharge. Not on the level that i need. I'm very sick mentally and im accidentally jeipardizing my relationships because of the deep self loathing i have that.. i dunno, burns out their empathy. And the extreme things i feel i then dont want to tell anyone because things are so unfair it bums them out that im inna bad position.
I dont want this to be the rest of my life just begging for money... I think people dont realize that me taking so long to work isnt just simply because i dont feel like it or dont want to. My severe ADHD has made me miserable more than once or twice. I dont get to have real, genuine specialized care because even when im not masking, clinicians dont believe me.
I have been saying scary stuff about wanting to self harm in various an trying to vent and cope but i dont really intend to go through with it its like my constant desire to die just spiced up. Ive been coping how i can. Vent art. Vent poems, trying to be good,,, trying to be good and make the bad stuff in my mind stop.
I miss my friends... I keep dreaming about them, especially my partner who i knew for 15 years and it sucks not knowing that they were upset and didnt bring anything up until it was too late for me to redeem myself. I miss my old roommates that let me stay in their basement. I dream about day to day life just with friends being there bu im sure it sounds creepy,
I miss the person who would be gruff but supportive. She was doing her best. I didnt want the stepback of my own to be forever.
Im chronically lonely. Having the depths of my mental illness swallow me so hard that it just makes things too hard for other people really sucks. I dont know how else to get these distressing feeling out without resorting to going over the edge. Im endlessly supported by people which i have endless appreciation for.
I dont think the things they told me were wrong, but they hurt all the same. Told to be an adult by multiple people and... I get that at the end of the day with important stuff its gotta get done regardless of how you feel but a reminder doesnt help. I AM trying. Im just frustrated because my current capacity isnt enough and i cant constantly maintain the gotta keep going mindset even if i want to. Sometimes ive tried for hours to will myelf to get water and thats not a brag. it sucks i wish so much to be normal but i havent had luck with trying to turn things around which i do behind the scenes constantly.
You dont know how many self care and psych harm prevention things iv listened to or watched and try to put into practice. And again thats not a brag just yeah i am an active participant in my own dbt cbt whatever. Its not just me always accepting darkness i try but its often times not copeful ebough,
This isnt an attack or callot or whatever esp because the specified ones dont go here so its not easy to sus out or try to cause more drama. \
Bottom line is i respect that how I handle my current situation has made my friends want to step away for their well-being. I dont wish harm or revenge or coercion i just straight miss them and feel absolutely crushed and i think thats fair for me to feel to... I just wish that i could have been given like a talk about if you do x again im gonna be mad because my friend and i established that to avoid issues.
I just wish and hope beyond that i can get a break to break diwn my trauma sn heal in a safe secure controlled way. Then maybe i can in som ways return to the vibrancy we used to have that we've lost which is also awful because its just whate been happening to me
Anyways im coping and im doing my best i swear im not trying to manipulate anyone inhate being driven to ask anyway... Like i said im aware of my commissions but the adhd and depression is so strong some days i wont even open clip at all. Its not as though i want to run off. I think a few people here can testify that ive given them refunds when i could finish a project. Every time i could afford it i wanted to make sure i wasnt in debt to someone for too long and even though im slow keep my reputation at least admirable.
I guess what im saying is i still want to do my best in terms of being an Artist and have a smarter system of dealing with clients and making sure things are delivered without a problem. Im sure ppl can understand my life has been pretty hellish.
With that being said, if i owe you a commission,(voice or art) and you would like a refund / the project to be continued. There are 4 people I know I owe stuff to, 3 on commiss.io so i have their info, but the 1 voice script i couldnt do now for obvious reasons. And 1 illustration from discord.
So if you aren't one of these people ive remained in contact with and i owe you a comm or refund, please note me here.
In the opening note, please include as much of the following info if you have it
Where we discussed terms (discord, email, etc)
What was the commission supposed to be
How much was paid for it
When the commission was placed (exact datebnot needed)
Notes: anything you feel the need to tell me if you like, ill try to take it in stride.
User Profile
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Yes Character Species
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Mewies