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The ClayFighter Conspiracy
by Peter "UncleBibby" Locke
"So" i said confidently to the clerk at the retro gaming store "id like to buy ClayFighter Sculptor's Cut for the N64!" I was excited. I had finally saved up the money, all 600 bucks!
"really..." said the clerk, eyeing me up and down, eventually looking me in the eye. "High Five Unlock Code?"
I was confused. "uhhh, high five? sure...?" i held up my hand. he breathed a strange sigh of relief and laughed. he gave me a high five. "phew! ok. that'll be 612, with tax. cash or credit?"
"wait," i stumbled on my words, but i had to know. This felt like something important. I had always loved Clayfighter. "what was that just then? Is there a secret code or something? is there a secret club?"
The Clerk sighed, more sad this time, and turned away, looking at the door. "High Five Unlock Code?" I thought back to my childhood, and thought of the shape of the n64 controller in my hand. "uh, first you hold L, or maybe Z, then you press up down left right on the c buttons, then press B then A, then uhhhh, let go of L and highlight the corner spot and press R... i think!"
"damn" the clerk grumbled. "i hoped i could save you from this. Come with me." He reached up and pulled on a rope. Stairs opened up from the roof.
"wait what?" i gasped. "i didn't see any second floor when i walked here?" The clerk starting stepping up, "you know Sculptor's Cut has stage transitions, right? well let's just say it's not just a game."
As we entered the second floor, i couldn't help but notice the elegant paintings on the walls of Bad Mr. Frosty, Taffy, Icky, and even characters from older clayfighter games like Helga and Nanaman. I found a giant sculpture of N. Boss with an inscription bearing "Pray to the Clay". He sat me down next to an upward-facing subwoofer connected to a computer. He started typing at the computer.
"did you ever see a video or perhaps in person, the experiment where you play bass frequencies out of a speaker, and then pour starchy goo all over the plate of the speaker while it plays?" said the clerk, still typing. "yes, i saw it on youtube" i replied. "the goo starts wiggling in a rather unsettling way. looks like ghosts."
"hah" he laughed, "well, that's just a completely basic version of what i am about to show you." he grabbed a beaker from a shelf behind the computer and poured the insides onto the subwoofer. It dripped very slowly, like molasses, but it was bright yellow. "watch this" he said quietly as he pressed play on an mp3 on the computer.
Immediately i could recognize the sound. It was the song that played in Taffy's level in the original ClayFighter for super nintendo. It was playing with a lot of loud bass! but the yellow goop on the subwoofer in front of me, it was acting, well, wrong. i didn't know how wrong, but i knew that goop didn't act like that. living beings acted like that maybe, not goop. I slowly got up to back away slowly when suddenly, "hey, you! where the fizz do you think yer goin'?" the goop had formed upright into a small reproduction of Taffy from ClayFighter. it was about 2 feet tall but it was swaying in its stance rather mirthfully. "thanks doc" said this miniature Taffy to the clerk, "i'll take it from here, go have a sody pop on me!" he tossed a coin out of nowhere to the clerk which he pocketed. "c'mon wiseguy, let's walk-and-talk." mini taffy motioned for me to go with him. I looked at the clerk, he seemed to say it was okay.
"so us clay bubs are sort of an alternate resource born from the collective-love for the world of clayfighta, which is so intuned with the human brayn which is in turn so in tune with the universe, that it FOCUSES the universe into whateva you want... ya dig?" the mini-taffy looked at a pocket-watch he suddenly had. "eh, i'm only gonna last in this universe for a few more minutes, just remembe this okay dudio?" he grabbed my face and pulled it right to his eyes "if youze really loved clayfighta all ya life, or at least, you feel that way when you play it and you'll nevah forget it, then you never really chose clayfighta at all..." *BURP* he burped into my mouth. it smelled like banana. "...it chose you".
The miniature taffy disappeared right then into yellow pixelly sparkles. I went back to the clerk in the main area.
"i don't wanna be a part of this secret club thing." i said, immediately, to the clerk. "what!" he cried out. "after all this?"
"no." i said, solemly. "at least, not yet. For now, i'm just happy to know i have good taste." i started tearing up. "or rather, the universe does..."
-----------------------------------------
The ClayFighter Conspiracy
by Peter "UncleBibby" Locke
"So" i said confidently to the clerk at the retro gaming store "id like to buy ClayFighter Sculptor's Cut for the N64!" I was excited. I had finally saved up the money, all 600 bucks!
"really..." said the clerk, eyeing me up and down, eventually looking me in the eye. "High Five Unlock Code?"
I was confused. "uhhh, high five? sure...?" i held up my hand. he breathed a strange sigh of relief and laughed. he gave me a high five. "phew! ok. that'll be 612, with tax. cash or credit?"
"wait," i stumbled on my words, but i had to know. This felt like something important. I had always loved Clayfighter. "what was that just then? Is there a secret code or something? is there a secret club?"
The Clerk sighed, more sad this time, and turned away, looking at the door. "High Five Unlock Code?" I thought back to my childhood, and thought of the shape of the n64 controller in my hand. "uh, first you hold L, or maybe Z, then you press up down left right on the c buttons, then press B then A, then uhhhh, let go of L and highlight the corner spot and press R... i think!"
"damn" the clerk grumbled. "i hoped i could save you from this. Come with me." He reached up and pulled on a rope. Stairs opened up from the roof.
"wait what?" i gasped. "i didn't see any second floor when i walked here?" The clerk starting stepping up, "you know Sculptor's Cut has stage transitions, right? well let's just say it's not just a game."
As we entered the second floor, i couldn't help but notice the elegant paintings on the walls of Bad Mr. Frosty, Taffy, Icky, and even characters from older clayfighter games like Helga and Nanaman. I found a giant sculpture of N. Boss with an inscription bearing "Pray to the Clay". He sat me down next to an upward-facing subwoofer connected to a computer. He started typing at the computer.
"did you ever see a video or perhaps in person, the experiment where you play bass frequencies out of a speaker, and then pour starchy goo all over the plate of the speaker while it plays?" said the clerk, still typing. "yes, i saw it on youtube" i replied. "the goo starts wiggling in a rather unsettling way. looks like ghosts."
"hah" he laughed, "well, that's just a completely basic version of what i am about to show you." he grabbed a beaker from a shelf behind the computer and poured the insides onto the subwoofer. It dripped very slowly, like molasses, but it was bright yellow. "watch this" he said quietly as he pressed play on an mp3 on the computer.
Immediately i could recognize the sound. It was the song that played in Taffy's level in the original ClayFighter for super nintendo. It was playing with a lot of loud bass! but the yellow goop on the subwoofer in front of me, it was acting, well, wrong. i didn't know how wrong, but i knew that goop didn't act like that. living beings acted like that maybe, not goop. I slowly got up to back away slowly when suddenly, "hey, you! where the fizz do you think yer goin'?" the goop had formed upright into a small reproduction of Taffy from ClayFighter. it was about 2 feet tall but it was swaying in its stance rather mirthfully. "thanks doc" said this miniature Taffy to the clerk, "i'll take it from here, go have a sody pop on me!" he tossed a coin out of nowhere to the clerk which he pocketed. "c'mon wiseguy, let's walk-and-talk." mini taffy motioned for me to go with him. I looked at the clerk, he seemed to say it was okay.
"so us clay bubs are sort of an alternate resource born from the collective-love for the world of clayfighta, which is so intuned with the human brayn which is in turn so in tune with the universe, that it FOCUSES the universe into whateva you want... ya dig?" the mini-taffy looked at a pocket-watch he suddenly had. "eh, i'm only gonna last in this universe for a few more minutes, just remembe this okay dudio?" he grabbed my face and pulled it right to his eyes "if youze really loved clayfighta all ya life, or at least, you feel that way when you play it and you'll nevah forget it, then you never really chose clayfighta at all..." *BURP* he burped into my mouth. it smelled like banana. "...it chose you".
The miniature taffy disappeared right then into yellow pixelly sparkles. I went back to the clerk in the main area.
"i don't wanna be a part of this secret club thing." i said, immediately, to the clerk. "what!" he cried out. "after all this?"
"no." i said, solemly. "at least, not yet. For now, i'm just happy to know i have good taste." i started tearing up. "or rather, the universe does..."
"So" i said confidently to the clerk at the retro gaming store "id like to buy ClayFighter Sculptor's Cut for the N64!" I was excited. I had finally saved up the money, all 600 bucks!
"really..." said the clerk, eyeing me up and down, eventually looking me in the eye. "High Five Unlock Code?"
I was confused. "uhhh, high five? sure...?" i held up my hand. he breathed a strange sigh of relief and laughed. he gave me a high five. "phew! ok. that'll be 612, with tax. cash or credit?"
"wait," i stumbled on my words, but i had to know. This felt like something important. I had always loved Clayfighter. "what was that just then? Is there a secret code or something? is there a secret club?"
The Clerk sighed, more sad this time, and turned away, looking at the door. "High Five Unlock Code?" I thought back to my childhood, and thought of the shape of the n64 controller in my hand. "uh, first you hold L, or maybe Z, then you press up down left right on the c buttons, then press B then A, then uhhhh, let go of L and highlight the corner spot and press R... i think!"
"damn" the clerk grumbled. "i hoped i could save you from this. Come with me." He reached up and pulled on a rope. Stairs opened up from the roof.
"wait what?" i gasped. "i didn't see any second floor when i walked here?" The clerk starting stepping up, "you know Sculptor's Cut has stage transitions, right? well let's just say it's not just a game."
As we entered the second floor, i couldn't help but notice the elegant paintings on the walls of Bad Mr. Frosty, Taffy, Icky, and even characters from older clayfighter games like Helga and Nanaman. I found a giant sculpture of N. Boss with an inscription bearing "Pray to the Clay". He sat me down next to an upward-facing subwoofer connected to a computer. He started typing at the computer.
"did you ever see a video or perhaps in person, the experiment where you play bass frequencies out of a speaker, and then pour starchy goo all over the plate of the speaker while it plays?" said the clerk, still typing. "yes, i saw it on youtube" i replied. "the goo starts wiggling in a rather unsettling way. looks like ghosts."
"hah" he laughed, "well, that's just a completely basic version of what i am about to show you." he grabbed a beaker from a shelf behind the computer and poured the insides onto the subwoofer. It dripped very slowly, like molasses, but it was bright yellow. "watch this" he said quietly as he pressed play on an mp3 on the computer.
Immediately i could recognize the sound. It was the song that played in Taffy's level in the original ClayFighter for super nintendo. It was playing with a lot of loud bass! but the yellow goop on the subwoofer in front of me, it was acting, well, wrong. i didn't know how wrong, but i knew that goop didn't act like that. living beings acted like that maybe, not goop. I slowly got up to back away slowly when suddenly, "hey, you! where the fizz do you think yer goin'?" the goop had formed upright into a small reproduction of Taffy from ClayFighter. it was about 2 feet tall but it was swaying in its stance rather mirthfully. "thanks doc" said this miniature Taffy to the clerk, "i'll take it from here, go have a sody pop on me!" he tossed a coin out of nowhere to the clerk which he pocketed. "c'mon wiseguy, let's walk-and-talk." mini taffy motioned for me to go with him. I looked at the clerk, he seemed to say it was okay.
"so us clay bubs are sort of an alternate resource born from the collective-love for the world of clayfighta, which is so intuned with the human brayn which is in turn so in tune with the universe, that it FOCUSES the universe into whateva you want... ya dig?" the mini-taffy looked at a pocket-watch he suddenly had. "eh, i'm only gonna last in this universe for a few more minutes, just remembe this okay dudio?" he grabbed my face and pulled it right to his eyes "if youze really loved clayfighta all ya life, or at least, you feel that way when you play it and you'll nevah forget it, then you never really chose clayfighta at all..." *BURP* he burped into my mouth. it smelled like banana. "...it chose you".
The miniature taffy disappeared right then into yellow pixelly sparkles. I went back to the clerk in the main area.
"i don't wanna be a part of this secret club thing." i said, immediately, to the clerk. "what!" he cried out. "after all this?"
"no." i said, solemly. "at least, not yet. For now, i'm just happy to know i have good taste." i started tearing up. "or rather, the universe does..."
"really..." said the clerk, eyeing me up and down, eventually looking me in the eye. "High Five Unlock Code?"
I was confused. "uhhh, high five? sure...?" i held up my hand. he breathed a strange sigh of relief and laughed. he gave me a high five. "phew! ok. that'll be 612, with tax. cash or credit?"
"wait," i stumbled on my words, but i had to know. This felt like something important. I had always loved Clayfighter. "what was that just then? Is there a secret code or something? is there a secret club?"
The Clerk sighed, more sad this time, and turned away, looking at the door. "High Five Unlock Code?" I thought back to my childhood, and thought of the shape of the n64 controller in my hand. "uh, first you hold L, or maybe Z, then you press up down left right on the c buttons, then press B then A, then uhhhh, let go of L and highlight the corner spot and press R... i think!"
"damn" the clerk grumbled. "i hoped i could save you from this. Come with me." He reached up and pulled on a rope. Stairs opened up from the roof.
"wait what?" i gasped. "i didn't see any second floor when i walked here?" The clerk starting stepping up, "you know Sculptor's Cut has stage transitions, right? well let's just say it's not just a game."
As we entered the second floor, i couldn't help but notice the elegant paintings on the walls of Bad Mr. Frosty, Taffy, Icky, and even characters from older clayfighter games like Helga and Nanaman. I found a giant sculpture of N. Boss with an inscription bearing "Pray to the Clay". He sat me down next to an upward-facing subwoofer connected to a computer. He started typing at the computer.
"did you ever see a video or perhaps in person, the experiment where you play bass frequencies out of a speaker, and then pour starchy goo all over the plate of the speaker while it plays?" said the clerk, still typing. "yes, i saw it on youtube" i replied. "the goo starts wiggling in a rather unsettling way. looks like ghosts."
"hah" he laughed, "well, that's just a completely basic version of what i am about to show you." he grabbed a beaker from a shelf behind the computer and poured the insides onto the subwoofer. It dripped very slowly, like molasses, but it was bright yellow. "watch this" he said quietly as he pressed play on an mp3 on the computer.
Immediately i could recognize the sound. It was the song that played in Taffy's level in the original ClayFighter for super nintendo. It was playing with a lot of loud bass! but the yellow goop on the subwoofer in front of me, it was acting, well, wrong. i didn't know how wrong, but i knew that goop didn't act like that. living beings acted like that maybe, not goop. I slowly got up to back away slowly when suddenly, "hey, you! where the fizz do you think yer goin'?" the goop had formed upright into a small reproduction of Taffy from ClayFighter. it was about 2 feet tall but it was swaying in its stance rather mirthfully. "thanks doc" said this miniature Taffy to the clerk, "i'll take it from here, go have a sody pop on me!" he tossed a coin out of nowhere to the clerk which he pocketed. "c'mon wiseguy, let's walk-and-talk." mini taffy motioned for me to go with him. I looked at the clerk, he seemed to say it was okay.
"so us clay bubs are sort of an alternate resource born from the collective-love for the world of clayfighta, which is so intuned with the human brayn which is in turn so in tune with the universe, that it FOCUSES the universe into whateva you want... ya dig?" the mini-taffy looked at a pocket-watch he suddenly had. "eh, i'm only gonna last in this universe for a few more minutes, just remembe this okay dudio?" he grabbed my face and pulled it right to his eyes "if youze really loved clayfighta all ya life, or at least, you feel that way when you play it and you'll nevah forget it, then you never really chose clayfighta at all..." *BURP* he burped into my mouth. it smelled like banana. "...it chose you".
The miniature taffy disappeared right then into yellow pixelly sparkles. I went back to the clerk in the main area.
"i don't wanna be a part of this secret club thing." i said, immediately, to the clerk. "what!" he cried out. "after all this?"
"no." i said, solemly. "at least, not yet. For now, i'm just happy to know i have good taste." i started tearing up. "or rather, the universe does..."
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Human
Gender Multiple characters
Size 50 x 50px
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