"I know it sounds dumb, but I guess I sorta forgot there wasn't already gonna be food there when we moved in," Reiss divulged, the tank-topped squirrel's head snapping around in all directions as he pushed the cart with a single hand. "I mean, the fridge is already there and everything."
"I'd make fun of you, but...I think I kind of did, too," admitted Everett, the lop-eared rabbit crossing a couple items off of his neatly written list. "Have they got...chew sticks here?"
"Oh yeah, they're over there, somewhere," Reiss answered, gesturing vaguely while looking at six-packs of soda as they passed.
Everett adjusted the glasses on his speckle-furred face as he led the way toward Reiss's ambiguous directions. With so much coming up within the next week, this was there best chance to stock the new apartment with provisions. Reiss had said that it'd be fun, moving into their own place. 'Like playing house,' he'd said. Everett wasn't so sure. So far, it just seemed like more work. But alas, it seemed Reiss was right, and the chews were, in fact, 'over here somewhere.'
"Not much selection," Everett noted as he bent down, scanning over the unfamiliar store-brand boxes. "Well, I've been getting NatChewals, but...guess those aren't here."
"What, those ones that dude's always hawking on that podcast?" scoffed Reiss, craning his neck to view the snacks. "Oh yeah, way too hoity-toity for this place. But it's fine, the chews here are way cheaper."
"I'm sure they taste like it, too."
"See, that's ignorance," Reiss corrected, gesturing out toward the rest of the store. "This place rules, everything here's great, it doesn't need to be a name brand."
"So, you've...tasted them?" asked the lop-ear, looking over his shoulder.
"Oh, no. I never buy chews. Chew sticks suck."
"Then...what do you chew on?"
"Oh, just like...whatever."
Everett blinked. "...No, you are not just gonna chew on 'whatever,' we're getting sticks."
Everett took hold of a box of apple-cinnamon flavored chews, branded under the name 'Oh No Chew Didn't!' He would have strongly preferred they not try and go so cute with the name instead of trying to trick him into thinking this was a real brand, but Reiss had a point, the price was right. He tucked the box under his arm before reaching out for another, stopping short of actually grabbing one as he looked back over his shoulder.
"What flavor do you want? There's...two."
"Whatever," Reiss answered dismissively, fiddling with a colorful water gun he'd taken from a stand-alone shelf, nearby. "Suck is suck."
"Suck is suck..." repeated Everett, studying the boxes once more. "Alright. Mixed berry it is. Then we'll know who's is who's."
"You can definitely have some of mine, as many as you want."
"I'm gonna make sure you use these," warned Everett, neatly stacking the boxes in the cart. "I won't have your teeth impaling you through your chin. They're already getting pretty long. They're always catching on mine."
"It's actually pretty rad when that happens, I think, anyway," reasoned Reiss, putting the water gun back. "You're already dragging me to the dentist next week, just have 'em grind them down."
"Oh, I intend to," Everett confirmed, adjusting his glasses while he looked over his heavily-creased list. "Alright, um...what's next..."
"CEREAL," Reiss barked, taking hold of the cart and zooming away with it.
"Rei - ehhh..." sighed the lop, trotting up after his boyfriend.
By the time Everett had rounded the corner and caught up with Reiss, the rust-furred squirrel already had a box of his favorite breakfast in-hand, looking over his other options, his boisterous tail curled gleefully behind him.
"Blast Berries, CooLoops, Ice-Rice, Sug - should we just get them all?"
"No, that's not...how money works," reminded Everett, gazing skeptically over the aisle.
"Your parents got a lot, right? Can't you just get some from them like most college kids do?"
"Not unless I'm gonna start dating a doe."
"Oh...right," remembered Reiss, with a flick of one of his tufted ears. "Well, I don't need much else than cereal, and it's like a buck and a half for some of these boxes. That's like, 2 meals for me."
"Not that you should be...subsisting on nothing but corn and sugar but, wouldn't that be more than 2?"
"I usually eat more than one bowl."
"This one says 'Family Sized'."
"Reiss-sized," the squirrel corrected. "Well, we're definitely getting the Blast Berries. Probably two."
Everett moved in closer, studying the box held in his partner's hands. "And this is...food? People eat this?"
"Of course, there's nothing wrong with it. Not everything has to be that 'organic' or whatever stuff that you used to get at...Roecher's or wherever the hell you used to shop. Besides, didn't you see the commercials?"
"No, I - "
"It was part of a 'complete breakfast.' As in, the breakfast would be incomplete without it. Well, this one didn't have commercials, the name-brand version did, but it's the same stuff. Only this is better, because they can't just phone it in, they actually WANT your business, and you can taste the difference."
"Do you even know what's in this stuff?"
"Yeah, sure," shrugged Reiss. "The usual."
Everett tilted the box slightly, skimming over the ingredients on the side.
"Malic acid?"
"Oh yeah."
"Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 6."
"Gotta have 'em."
"Butylated...hydroxytoluene?"
"Wouldn't be the same without it."
"...You know they've got fruit, too."
"Fruit comes out of the ground," pointed out Reiss, gesturing toward the floor. "Literal dirt. That's where corpses are. Is that better?"
"This is just candy in a box."
"You act like you've never eaten cereal in your life."
Everett shrugged. "Well, the nanny usually just made hot breakfast."
"Didn't you ever get the free breakfast at school with the little cereals where you peel the lid off?"
"No...we just ate at home."
"Well trust me, it's fine, it's a staple of a normal household."
"I'm not sure I'd say it's a 'staple'."
"How is it not? Everybody has cereal."
"It's really more like a treat. Like...ice cream, or something."
"What? That's crazy. You're crazy. Here, I'll prove it." Reiss glanced around, spotting a middle-aged raccoon rolling by, with several cases of water stowed at the bottom of his cart. "Excuse me - sir? Hey, did you have cereal in your house growing up?"
"Um...y-yeah?" stammered the startled shopper, careful not to let himself come to a complete stop.
Everett buried his face into his hands and ears. "Oh, my god..."
"See that?" chirped Reiss, gesturing toward the fleeing customer. "It's normal food. It's okay to like normal-people food, it doesn't all have to be lettuce and stuff."
The rabbit glared up at the squirrel. "Okay, that's...racist."
"No it's not. How much lettuce did you already put in the cart?"
"Doesn't matter, that'd be like me telling you 'it doesn't all have to be nuts'."
"But I didn't get any nuts," pointed out Reiss, pointing to the box in his hand. "I'm good with just cereal."
"You can't just eat cereal, morning, noon, and ni - "
"Oh yeah, you can."
"No."
"A lot of times it's all I ate in a day."
"Why?"
Reiss shrugged. "It's what we had in the house."
A sigh. "Well...go ahead and get it, I guess, I mean, it's your apartment, too."
"Rad," chittered Reiss, stretching is arm out onto the shelves, toppling boxes into the cart.
"I meant ONE, Reiss."
"Four!"
"Two."
"Three."
"Fine."
Tough and judicious choices would have to be made now, as Reiss decided which cereals would earn the privilege of coming home with him, while Everett checked his list again.
"But you have to eat real food, too. When we get home, I'm going to make you a fresh salad as only rabbits can."
"Now who's being racist," questioned Reiss, as he glanced between the Coo-Loops in his left and the Marshmallow Munchers in his right.
"It's okay if I say it," reasoned Everett, tinkering with the calculator in his watch. "I just...hate money so much. Or at least it hates me. Didn't used to."
Reiss looked over his shoulder at the stressing rabbit. "Well...would it have to be a doe, or could it be any girl?"
"What?"
"I mean it wouldn't need to be a forever thing, just long enough to get the check. Swing by the house, show her off, boom, you're done."
"I don't think..."
"Hey, ma'am!" Reiss called to a female otter in the next aisle, gesturing with a cereal box. "Wanna make a dollar?"
"Reiss!" Everett screeched, forcing the squirrel's arm back down, before turning and waving toward the very confused female. "I'm sorry for him, ma'am, I'm just...so very sorry."
As the otter scooted her cart away, Everett slumped exasperatedly against the store shelves.
"...I'm never taking you anywhere, again."
"Alright, no dentist on Tuesday, let's goooooooo," chirped Reiss, going back to evaluating cereal.
Everett looked at his watch once more. "Crapness. It's already 3:30. We need to..." The lop ear's hands rose to his head, anxiously running them through his fur and ears. "They're dropping the bed off at 5...we'll have to put it together...then, more classes later...then work starts, tomorrow..."
Reiss turned in time to see the poor rabbit's fingers sneaking up under his own glasses, knocking them askew.
"What's up?"
Everett let out a breath, keeping his face buried in his splotched hands. "Why is this already so hard."
Reiss glanced to his left and right before shrugging. "I mean. It's gonna be fine."
"How do you know..."
Another shrug. "Because. It's always fine. It was always fine for me and mom. I just make things fine."
"You can't...possibly know that."
The lop-ear continued to have his moment of isolation, until he felt Reiss nudge up against him. He emerged apprehensively from the palms of his hands to see the squirrel thrusting the box of Blast Berries in front of him, with the maze on the back of the box front and center.
"You wanna help me get Captain Blast out of the nebula field?" invited Reiss, with a tilt of his head. "He's the only thing standing between the galaxy and total collapse, and only we can help him."
Everett stared at the box. Then looked up at Reiss, who offered him a buck-toothed grin. Everett righted his glasses, reaching up, and petting one of the squirrel's fuzzy ears.
"...God damn, you're cute."
Getting up from the shelf, the rabbit took the box from Reiss's hands and tossed it into the cart, along with the two others he'd presumably decided on.
"Come on, let's go get you some snacks," Everett said, pushing the cart along.
"Copacetic," chittered Reiss, following along down the aisle.
The squirrel's head darted every which way, with all the hyperactivity as ever, on a constant vigil for anything sweet and delicious, preparing arguments for how to justify it, whenever he found it. Everett focused on pushing and just...well, it was probably best to just focus on the cart for now. Still, after a moment or two, the rabbit couldn't help but to snicker.
"...I can't believe you were only gonna give her a dollar."
Reiss shrugged. "I don't even have a dollar."
Commission for ReindeerViking featuring Reiss, winner of the My Critter Boyfriend poll.
"I'd make fun of you, but...I think I kind of did, too," admitted Everett, the lop-eared rabbit crossing a couple items off of his neatly written list. "Have they got...chew sticks here?"
"Oh yeah, they're over there, somewhere," Reiss answered, gesturing vaguely while looking at six-packs of soda as they passed.
Everett adjusted the glasses on his speckle-furred face as he led the way toward Reiss's ambiguous directions. With so much coming up within the next week, this was there best chance to stock the new apartment with provisions. Reiss had said that it'd be fun, moving into their own place. 'Like playing house,' he'd said. Everett wasn't so sure. So far, it just seemed like more work. But alas, it seemed Reiss was right, and the chews were, in fact, 'over here somewhere.'
"Not much selection," Everett noted as he bent down, scanning over the unfamiliar store-brand boxes. "Well, I've been getting NatChewals, but...guess those aren't here."
"What, those ones that dude's always hawking on that podcast?" scoffed Reiss, craning his neck to view the snacks. "Oh yeah, way too hoity-toity for this place. But it's fine, the chews here are way cheaper."
"I'm sure they taste like it, too."
"See, that's ignorance," Reiss corrected, gesturing out toward the rest of the store. "This place rules, everything here's great, it doesn't need to be a name brand."
"So, you've...tasted them?" asked the lop-ear, looking over his shoulder.
"Oh, no. I never buy chews. Chew sticks suck."
"Then...what do you chew on?"
"Oh, just like...whatever."
Everett blinked. "...No, you are not just gonna chew on 'whatever,' we're getting sticks."
Everett took hold of a box of apple-cinnamon flavored chews, branded under the name 'Oh No Chew Didn't!' He would have strongly preferred they not try and go so cute with the name instead of trying to trick him into thinking this was a real brand, but Reiss had a point, the price was right. He tucked the box under his arm before reaching out for another, stopping short of actually grabbing one as he looked back over his shoulder.
"What flavor do you want? There's...two."
"Whatever," Reiss answered dismissively, fiddling with a colorful water gun he'd taken from a stand-alone shelf, nearby. "Suck is suck."
"Suck is suck..." repeated Everett, studying the boxes once more. "Alright. Mixed berry it is. Then we'll know who's is who's."
"You can definitely have some of mine, as many as you want."
"I'm gonna make sure you use these," warned Everett, neatly stacking the boxes in the cart. "I won't have your teeth impaling you through your chin. They're already getting pretty long. They're always catching on mine."
"It's actually pretty rad when that happens, I think, anyway," reasoned Reiss, putting the water gun back. "You're already dragging me to the dentist next week, just have 'em grind them down."
"Oh, I intend to," Everett confirmed, adjusting his glasses while he looked over his heavily-creased list. "Alright, um...what's next..."
"CEREAL," Reiss barked, taking hold of the cart and zooming away with it.
"Rei - ehhh..." sighed the lop, trotting up after his boyfriend.
By the time Everett had rounded the corner and caught up with Reiss, the rust-furred squirrel already had a box of his favorite breakfast in-hand, looking over his other options, his boisterous tail curled gleefully behind him.
"Blast Berries, CooLoops, Ice-Rice, Sug - should we just get them all?"
"No, that's not...how money works," reminded Everett, gazing skeptically over the aisle.
"Your parents got a lot, right? Can't you just get some from them like most college kids do?"
"Not unless I'm gonna start dating a doe."
"Oh...right," remembered Reiss, with a flick of one of his tufted ears. "Well, I don't need much else than cereal, and it's like a buck and a half for some of these boxes. That's like, 2 meals for me."
"Not that you should be...subsisting on nothing but corn and sugar but, wouldn't that be more than 2?"
"I usually eat more than one bowl."
"This one says 'Family Sized'."
"Reiss-sized," the squirrel corrected. "Well, we're definitely getting the Blast Berries. Probably two."
Everett moved in closer, studying the box held in his partner's hands. "And this is...food? People eat this?"
"Of course, there's nothing wrong with it. Not everything has to be that 'organic' or whatever stuff that you used to get at...Roecher's or wherever the hell you used to shop. Besides, didn't you see the commercials?"
"No, I - "
"It was part of a 'complete breakfast.' As in, the breakfast would be incomplete without it. Well, this one didn't have commercials, the name-brand version did, but it's the same stuff. Only this is better, because they can't just phone it in, they actually WANT your business, and you can taste the difference."
"Do you even know what's in this stuff?"
"Yeah, sure," shrugged Reiss. "The usual."
Everett tilted the box slightly, skimming over the ingredients on the side.
"Malic acid?"
"Oh yeah."
"Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 6."
"Gotta have 'em."
"Butylated...hydroxytoluene?"
"Wouldn't be the same without it."
"...You know they've got fruit, too."
"Fruit comes out of the ground," pointed out Reiss, gesturing toward the floor. "Literal dirt. That's where corpses are. Is that better?"
"This is just candy in a box."
"You act like you've never eaten cereal in your life."
Everett shrugged. "Well, the nanny usually just made hot breakfast."
"Didn't you ever get the free breakfast at school with the little cereals where you peel the lid off?"
"No...we just ate at home."
"Well trust me, it's fine, it's a staple of a normal household."
"I'm not sure I'd say it's a 'staple'."
"How is it not? Everybody has cereal."
"It's really more like a treat. Like...ice cream, or something."
"What? That's crazy. You're crazy. Here, I'll prove it." Reiss glanced around, spotting a middle-aged raccoon rolling by, with several cases of water stowed at the bottom of his cart. "Excuse me - sir? Hey, did you have cereal in your house growing up?"
"Um...y-yeah?" stammered the startled shopper, careful not to let himself come to a complete stop.
Everett buried his face into his hands and ears. "Oh, my god..."
"See that?" chirped Reiss, gesturing toward the fleeing customer. "It's normal food. It's okay to like normal-people food, it doesn't all have to be lettuce and stuff."
The rabbit glared up at the squirrel. "Okay, that's...racist."
"No it's not. How much lettuce did you already put in the cart?"
"Doesn't matter, that'd be like me telling you 'it doesn't all have to be nuts'."
"But I didn't get any nuts," pointed out Reiss, pointing to the box in his hand. "I'm good with just cereal."
"You can't just eat cereal, morning, noon, and ni - "
"Oh yeah, you can."
"No."
"A lot of times it's all I ate in a day."
"Why?"
Reiss shrugged. "It's what we had in the house."
A sigh. "Well...go ahead and get it, I guess, I mean, it's your apartment, too."
"Rad," chittered Reiss, stretching is arm out onto the shelves, toppling boxes into the cart.
"I meant ONE, Reiss."
"Four!"
"Two."
"Three."
"Fine."
Tough and judicious choices would have to be made now, as Reiss decided which cereals would earn the privilege of coming home with him, while Everett checked his list again.
"But you have to eat real food, too. When we get home, I'm going to make you a fresh salad as only rabbits can."
"Now who's being racist," questioned Reiss, as he glanced between the Coo-Loops in his left and the Marshmallow Munchers in his right.
"It's okay if I say it," reasoned Everett, tinkering with the calculator in his watch. "I just...hate money so much. Or at least it hates me. Didn't used to."
Reiss looked over his shoulder at the stressing rabbit. "Well...would it have to be a doe, or could it be any girl?"
"What?"
"I mean it wouldn't need to be a forever thing, just long enough to get the check. Swing by the house, show her off, boom, you're done."
"I don't think..."
"Hey, ma'am!" Reiss called to a female otter in the next aisle, gesturing with a cereal box. "Wanna make a dollar?"
"Reiss!" Everett screeched, forcing the squirrel's arm back down, before turning and waving toward the very confused female. "I'm sorry for him, ma'am, I'm just...so very sorry."
As the otter scooted her cart away, Everett slumped exasperatedly against the store shelves.
"...I'm never taking you anywhere, again."
"Alright, no dentist on Tuesday, let's goooooooo," chirped Reiss, going back to evaluating cereal.
Everett looked at his watch once more. "Crapness. It's already 3:30. We need to..." The lop ear's hands rose to his head, anxiously running them through his fur and ears. "They're dropping the bed off at 5...we'll have to put it together...then, more classes later...then work starts, tomorrow..."
Reiss turned in time to see the poor rabbit's fingers sneaking up under his own glasses, knocking them askew.
"What's up?"
Everett let out a breath, keeping his face buried in his splotched hands. "Why is this already so hard."
Reiss glanced to his left and right before shrugging. "I mean. It's gonna be fine."
"How do you know..."
Another shrug. "Because. It's always fine. It was always fine for me and mom. I just make things fine."
"You can't...possibly know that."
The lop-ear continued to have his moment of isolation, until he felt Reiss nudge up against him. He emerged apprehensively from the palms of his hands to see the squirrel thrusting the box of Blast Berries in front of him, with the maze on the back of the box front and center.
"You wanna help me get Captain Blast out of the nebula field?" invited Reiss, with a tilt of his head. "He's the only thing standing between the galaxy and total collapse, and only we can help him."
Everett stared at the box. Then looked up at Reiss, who offered him a buck-toothed grin. Everett righted his glasses, reaching up, and petting one of the squirrel's fuzzy ears.
"...God damn, you're cute."
Getting up from the shelf, the rabbit took the box from Reiss's hands and tossed it into the cart, along with the two others he'd presumably decided on.
"Come on, let's go get you some snacks," Everett said, pushing the cart along.
"Copacetic," chittered Reiss, following along down the aisle.
The squirrel's head darted every which way, with all the hyperactivity as ever, on a constant vigil for anything sweet and delicious, preparing arguments for how to justify it, whenever he found it. Everett focused on pushing and just...well, it was probably best to just focus on the cart for now. Still, after a moment or two, the rabbit couldn't help but to snicker.
"...I can't believe you were only gonna give her a dollar."
Reiss shrugged. "I don't even have a dollar."
Commission for ReindeerViking featuring Reiss, winner of the My Critter Boyfriend poll.
Category All / General Furry Art
Species Squirrel
Gender Male
Size 1300 x 1020px
Very cute piece and fun story to go with it. Classic odd couple/opposites attract dynamic going on, which is always great plot fuel.
I love it when a wholesome story makes me go 'Aww!', laugh and be hungry at the same time! The ending too, didn't have a dollar! XD Although I'm sure he could find a way to get one?
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