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Two? Ri asked, shuffling in bed, waking up from the blissful night's rest he'd shared with his mate.
Huh? Two asked, waking more so from Ri's shuffling than him saying anything with his mind. Telepathy registered less strongly in the mind than regular speech; a sleeping person didn't wake from telepathy.
Good morning, Ri wished, also commenting how it felt waking up with Two. It was a good morning... he got to share it with Two.
Good morning, Two said, yawning and stretching before settling back into cuddling around Ri from behind. They spooned often when they slept; it helped Ri feel safe and cared for and helped reassure Two since Ri was willing to go to him to be cared for. Why'd you get me up?
The gym, Ri reminded his mate. We need to pokemon it today.
Oh... Two realized. If it weren't for what they were forgetting, Ri would've thought it was cute that Two had forgotten they needed to open the gym today, but it was rather overwhelmed by the feeling he shared with Two that he'd rather lie in bed and cuddle and rest the whole day instead of spending it telling trainers they didn't win their badge. It was discouraging, turning away trainer after trainer after trainer, and they had to battle all of them, and they had to deal with people - they knew this day was coming for a while, but they still didn't feel prepared for it. They never did.
I don't want to, Ri confessed, curling up tightly in Two's embrace. Why do we have to do this? He cried, wishing that he and Two could just have fun and do whatever they wanted. In response, Two pulled him even closer, squishing against him.
It's... our job, Two explained. Ri knew, but still, he didn't look forward to it at all. No matter what they did, the trainers lined up when they first opened for the season. They had to set a date for their own sanity, but whichever date they chose, trainers flocked to them early on to challenge them. The only solution seemed to be to remain open constantly, but Ri and Two both knew they couldn't handle the constant, random trickle of challengers. They needed breaks when they knew they could enjoy themselves without fearing being called at any moment to battle someone. The trade-off was this difficult period of a few days when they could be sure that trainers would be lined up all day to battle them. It felt like an intrinsic flaw in the way Kanto gyms worked, but... they all worked that way. They were all open service like that. Ri and Two were lucky to be able to choose to close since there wasn't any reason for them to be open until trainers had collected at least some number of badges to prove that they were ready for the challenge, but still, they wished they could make some sort of appointment system so they could avoid being at other people's mercies at all.
But still, Ri pressed, wishing that it didn't have to be so hard.
I know, Two said, comfortingly. What he meant: I agree. Ri sensed him to understand. Two let him cuddle like that for a bit, preparing themselves to face the day, but before long... we need to get up, he said. That is why you woke me in the first place. It would've been humorous if it weren't for why they were getting up.
Yeah... Ri said, regretfully unfurling and stretching from holding that curled up position. He felt as Two got up, then got up after him, and tried to steel himself for the day ahead of him and his mate.
They made their way to the kitchen, and started on their breakfast. Like usual, Ri started brewing the coffee, while Two started making the actual food. It was before Red and Blue were even awake, though; except for Blue they all liked to get up late and stay up late, but Ri and Two didn't want to spend the time they liked doing things they didn't like, so they got up earlier on workdays to try to get to enjoy themselves later when they did like to. They had to trade-off, though, and go to sleep sooner so that they could get up early enough the next day too. They didn't like it, but... they didn't like the idea of taking trainers at night, either.
I want to do something special, Two suggested, stopping at the oven before starting the cereal they usually ate, taking his paw off the dial for the burner he was just about to turn. It was a bit of a pick-me-up; Ri thought it was adorable.
What do you want to do? He asked, measuring out the coffee beans to grind them, into a container on a scale so he could measure their weight.
Cinnamon rolls? Two offered. The idea sounded immediately great to Ri, but he stopped in his tracks to think about it.
Shouldn't we... make something healthy? He asked back.
... Probably, Two said, admitting that that was the better thing to do, sounding a bit discouraged because of it. Ri didn't want to let go of the cinnamon rolls, though, so -
Can we... do both? He asked, looking to his mate to see how he felt about it. Two clearly wanted to do it too - Two seemed to light up when he suggested it - but that put extra work on his paws which Ri didn't really want. I'll help, he suggested, I think we should do both together.
OK, Two said, happy that Ri was happy with his suggestion. Thanks, he offered; he usually handled breakfast by himself.
Yeah, Ri said easily - he trusted Two understood. He turned back to his coffee for the moment, needing to get to it, while Two started preparing the cinnamon rolls, preheating the oven and setting them up to bake. They got pre-prepared cinnamon rolls from the store; they had considered making them from scratch themselves, but they recognized that the times when they wanted treats weren't the same times they were willing to put in the extra work of making them. Except for the time constraint of needing to open their gym, baking pre-prepared cinnamon rolls cost only a little extra effort, so it seemed worth it. Ri chose a brewing method he could let sit for a few minutes, then prepared it, and jumped on starting the cereal which made up the 'healthy' part of their breakfast, at least once they put in the berries and milk. He didn't have so much of a problem putting together all the ingredients in a pot and setting them to boil; he didn't like the art of knowing when to take the pot off the heat. Too soon, and the cereal was soggy or tough, and too long, and it was dry and rubbery. Two figured it out, though, so when Two was done with the cinnamon rolls for the moment, Ri let him take over the cereal while he checked on his coffee. He finished brewing his coffee and prepared his and Two's mugs, deciding to make himself a rich mocha to complement the cinnamon roll. He would let Two have a sip, but Two couldn't afford to drink too much even when he woke up early like this, so he only poured Two's normal amount and treated it like usual, except he added a bit of sugar and milk to round it off as a treat. Once he was done with that, he focused on the cinnamon rolls and checked them when the timer went off, requiring Two to scoot out of the way for the moment it took him to open the oven door. They happened to be done, so he pulled them out and focused on putting the icing on all of them while Two finished the cereal. Before long, they sat down together in their dining room, choosing to sit next to each other like they usually did when Red and Blue were around even though they were alone. The thought made them realize Red and Blue might've appreciated the cinnamon rolls, but there wasn't much they could do anymore, and they figured they could just leave them out for when Red and Blue were awake and hope they didn't get too stale. They settled down for breakfast, building their cereals with fruits they liked and some milk, then savored their cinnamon buns. They had worked together to make them, and it felt extra special that way, which Ri definitely appreciated. It was a nice treat before opening their gym, and it distracted them from it for a precious few moments. Ri had his mocha, too; it paired nicely with the cinnamon and icing. He shared it with Two so Two could experience it also, but finished it himself before they set aside their dishes to be washed later. Once they were done with breakfast, they cleaned themselves up, made sure they were presentable by checking each other all around, then they went off to open their gym. They stopped at the door to their home, though, to collect themselves. They already sensed a line of people growing outside and wondered how miserable it was going to be to battle through all of them. They had trained up, preparing, of course, but battling with each other or against Red and Blue was much more pleasant and comfortable; they had to pay attention carefully all the time during these gym battles, and it quickly grew exhausting.
Are you ready? Two asked, softly.
No, Ri admitted. I'm never ready for this.
I'm not either, Two agreed.
Well... we have to, Ri guessed.
We're safe, at least, Two said.
But... we're gym leaders, Ri said, not...
Ever since Cerulean, it grew more and more heavy on their minds that they couldn't deal with keeping up public appearances anymore. As they seemed to be healing, their priorities seemed to be changing, going from protecting themselves at all costs to being able to share being happy, open, and vulnerable with each other and their friends. They had no idea what to do about it, but they knew they had to grow somehow; they didn't know where the boundaries were and it wore down on them increasingly.
There was something different about being gym leaders, though, which made it still seem important that they act a certain way. In this strictly professional manner, it felt that they couldn't be intimate at all, like they had to micromanage how people saw them. They didn't know if they wanted to be impenetrable anymore, but at this point it was what people expected of them, and it still felt safer to be impersonal, anyway.
In any case, they had to face all the people outside their gym, and Ri was far less able to do it after Cipher. They had needed to close the gym for a long time when Cipher happened; Ri wasn't able to handle it for several years and needed Two at his side or at least close by constantly while he was rebuilding himself. Even though he'd come to own his purple and orange fur and cut-off spikes, it was incredibly difficult revealing his altered appearance to the world, and his shattered composure brought him to tend to collapse under the threat of opponent pokemon except with Two's constant reassurance that it was OK to battle other pokemon. He got better over time, and learned to be OK with battles, but people still bothered him, and as gym leaders they were coming to him (and Two, of course) to be judged. To fight to 'prove' they deserved their badge. It was... a situation that could bring out the worst in even the best people. And most people that came weren't that great in the first place. At least, Ri knew, he and Two had authority, and they were both strong enough to protect themselves and each other. Managing the gym was safe, it was just... miserable.
I'm starting to wonder, Two pointed out. It was almost a bit of a surprise to Ri.
... You were always the one who was sure that we needed to be withdrawn, Ri pointed out, trying to communicate his uneasiness humorously. *I'm* supposed to be the unsure one.
... I suppose things are different now, Two suggested. Ri sensed him clam up and instantly regretted what he said.
- I - he stuttered, unable to process and starting to panic over the idea of hurting Two. He realized what he'd said, it sounded a bit like complaining, but he was really just trying to be funny. He saw that underneath, it was kind of hard on him, it felt like it would be easier if they could be sure how they wanted to be. Then they'd just do that. But instead, they didn't know, and therefore made it impossible to do anything. He felt guilty about it, he didn't want to hurt Two or make him feel bad for growing. It was a good thing Two was opening up and Ri vastly appreciated it, just... at the same time, growing brought them new problems that they realized they weren't ready to face.
I know what you mean, Two said, reassuringly. It's hard on me too that we don't know. It's... easy when we sit at home with Red and Blue, we don't have to worry about it. But now...
It matters, Ri finished. Two seemed to understand, Ri was thankful. It was hard on both of them, he knew; it showed that Two had grown and changed since they started following Red around. Ri saw how Two was unsure about sharing the things he felt with Ri in public, but at the same time, he saw how Two wanted to be able to share stuff. It came down to them not knowing what was OK and safe to share publicly.
I love you, Two said. That doesn't change even if out there I can't express it like I want. Ri looked up to his mate, into Two's eyes. They were open and soft and accepting now; Two was being vulnerable and showing it to Ri. Ri cherished it, because in a moment he knew it was going to apparently change.
I love you too, Ri said back, showing the same vulnerability. Same here. I wish we didn't have to worry about it. He wanted to express his uneasiness with the situation before they committed to hiding it all and pushing it deep inside; he looked to Two longingly to show that he wanted to be close to him.
Me too, Two agreed, looking back reassuringly. Maybe someday we'll figure it out.
I'd like that, Ri said. I want to be your mate without having to worry what others think.
Two nodded, agreeing. They both sighed, preparing themselves; Ri watched as Two's body language changed, as he rolled his shoulders, straightened up, and as his face dropped all emotion and vulnerability. This was the Two others knew, the one who withstood Giovanni and closed up, withdrew and grew bitter toward humanity because of how he was treated. Under it... Ri knew that there was a caring, loving pokemon. He thought that pokemon was adorable, but... others didn't get to see that. Two was protecting himself... he was better at it than Ri was. Ri tried steeling himself, too, pushing down the things he felt for Two. It made him feel sick, but they had a job to do, and... it felt that doing this would help keep them safe. That was always why they had done it - to protect themselves - but now it wore down on them more than it ever did since they had finally reached a place where they could be open and be safe and were enjoying the benefits of being happy.
They had to do this, though. As prepared as they could be, they turned, and went into their gym. They sensed people lined up outside; at least they didn't have to work through all of them to get to their gym. It was still locked, and they could at the very least keep people out until they were ready to battle them. The line outside was discouraging; they knew it would take some time just to fight through these people, and they were sure more would show up over the course of the day.
Ri knew he loved Two, Ri knew Two loved him back, he knew that they wanted to be able to share it. He trusted that his mate cared for him and that he cared back; that made facing the people seem bearable, along with the fact that it still felt better to withdraw like this, at least when being gym leaders, to keep themselves protected, even if it hurt. Ri and Two needed a safe place to be vulnerable and cute... this wasn't it, not with the people around.
... We're mates, Two said. Always.
Always, Ri agreed. It felt almost excessive for Two to say it again, but Ri certainly appreciated it. Ri sensed he was reassuring himself as much as he was trying to reassure Ri... Ri felt bad for him and wanted to comfort him. But he couldn't, and it - already, he caught himself.
I'm... sorry, Ri said, weakly, more so that he couldn't comfort Two than because he'd already failed in keeping himself together.
I trust you, Two reassured him, this time meaning it mostly for Ri over himself. It was two-fold, it meant that Two trusted that Ri cared for him no matter what happened today while they were being gym leaders, but it also meant that Two trusted him to keep himself together until they finally closed at the end. It meant a lot to Ri and it helped keep him together.
I trust you too, Ri said. I don't think I could do this without you.
Me neither, Two said back.
With that... it seemed like they were about as ready as they were going to be.
At Two's mental command, the gym around them came to life. The floor which usually glowed softly lit up in purple, marking out the regulation battlefield they challenged trainers on. Above them, their 3D display populated with the outline of their battle data, but it wasn't filled out because there wasn't any battle happening at the moment. The ceiling changed color, letting in some of the light, but it remained a semi-translucent grey so the light that came in was muted and diffuse. In the morning like this, the indirect sun didn't light up the gym too well anyway, but Ri knew that later it would lighten up a bit more. Neither he nor Two really cared; they preferred it to be dark, they just weren't too happy about being stuck there all day. Next, another mental command from Two unlocked the front doors, but there wasn't any obvious indication other than Ri and Two being able to sense that the doors were unlocked. Ri and Two glanced at each other, dreading what they were about to experience, but it came down to Ri to initiate it all. Ri remembered the things they had said to each other, and figured that they'd figure out how to survive it.
Come in, Ri said, broadcasting to the group of people he sensed were waiting right at the door.
Ri's voice wasn't particularly intimidating; he had a bassy voice, technically, but he didn't really use it when he spoke, so he figured it had 'body' but it didn't really resonate. Being tense and worried didn't help, and even his telepathy sounded relatively shrill as he addressed the trainers. It seemed like hearing it suddenly and seemingly from nowhere tended to intimidate, though, since whenever they opened their gym like this, Ri tended to surprise and scare people. The people entered, though - three trainers. Ri could sense that only one of them intended to challenge them, which was a great relief. As much as Ri and Two would've preferred trainer battles to be completely private, there was basically nothing they could do if a challenger wanted to bring friends. They could let them watch, anyway, there wasn't anything specifically wrong with it.
"Hey, you've got this, Phil," one of the trainers encouraged brightly while they were walking in, "they're just pokemon, they can't be that scary, can they?"
Ri knew the trainer was just trying to reassure his friend, but still, it bothered him and Two both and made them feel sick. They weren't "just" pokemon, no pokemon was "just" a pokemon. Already, they felt that trainer would never get their badge, but that person wasn't the one they were testing, they were testing Phil.
"I don't know if they like you saying that," Phil said, glancing up at them and seeing their aloof composures. Ri sensed he mistook their demeanor for being specific to that one comment, but he vaguely appreciated that Phil seemed to care about it. Still, though... they were talking like Ri and Two weren't there, and Ri didn't like it.
... We're here? Ri asked, pointing out their presence and expressing frustration that they were talking like they weren't there.
"Um - of course," Phil said, turning to them and apparently gulping, preparing to confront them. "I'm Phil Wilkins, I'm here to challenge you?"
Phil was nervous; Ri didn't even really know why he was challenging their gym. He seemed like an average trainer, keeping himself as well as he could given he was travelling around the region by foot as was tradition. He and his friends all had packs to prove it. Aside from that, he seemed rather like a capable and experienced trainer, but he seemed a bit out of his depth in Ri and Two's gym.
Why are you challenging us? Ri asked deadpan and almost even detached, wondering about it and figuring it would give him and Two insight.
"My friends believe in me; they think I'm a better trainer than I feel. They want me to show it by battling you."
Ri felt it was wholesome, but he didn't really care given the circumstances. They little they'd seen of him said quite a bit already, though. He drew strength from his friends, but at the same time, he was vaguely aware of when they were going outside reason to reassure him - and, importantly, this time it involved pokemon and their sense of self. Ri didn't know if it meant Phil was worthy of their badge; he had a lot to prove, still. Usually a battle let Ri and Two both see everything they needed to.
... Who do you want to fight? Ri asked, moving the topic on to the reason everyone was there. It was how they did it since the very beginning: a challenger would battle only either Ri or Two. They knew they were powerful even back then, so they figured that battling just one of them was enough. They had decided back then to let the trainer choose which one to fight. More recently, they were inclined to choose themselves, but they decided to stick with the way it was mostly because it was usually inconsequential for them which of them battled any trainer. Ri generally ended up battling more than Two, but Ri was more inclined to battling than Two was, so it generally worked out, at least when Ri was able to handle it. Anyway, the choice often said quite a bit about a person. Sometimes - rather often - people chose the pokemon that they felt they had the advantage against to make it easier on themselves. Sometimes they chose the pokemon that they felt was harder to beat to 'prove they're the best' or something like that, and Ri and Two had to figure out if their pokemon agreed with it or not or else if the trainer was abusive or not. They always watched carefully for abusive trainers, but they watched more carefully if they saw any red flags, and that was one of them. Ri didn't sense any red flags yet from Phil, though, so it wasn't on his mind (or Two's) as they prepared to battle.
"Um - Ri?" Phil asked. Ri figured; Phil wasn't sure about the battle in the first place, so it made sense he'd try battling the one he thought was weaker. Ri was weaker than Two, but generally it didn't matter, so the only battles that even vaguely worried them were the ones where trainers felt they had some sort of strategy to counter one of them. Phil didn't seem like that, though, so Ri didn't really feel worried. He glanced at Two, though; it was just the start of the trend again. Even if Ri was able to handle all the battles, he didn't particularly enjoy it. Ri stepped forward into the battlefield while Two floated over to the sidelines to ref, and Phil took his spot on the other side of the battlefield. At Two's command, the display above the battlefield filled out, accessing official data to show Phil as the challenger and listing Ri as the defender. It lit up for Phil's friends as they watched, and served as a reference for either Ri and Two or the challenger as they battled.
Once everyone seemed prepared, Two finally said something. He usually didn't like to, but when he was the ref, it was his job to.
This is a battle between Ri, a gym leader of Cinnabar gym and Phil, the challenger. It will be 3 on 1; the challenger may battle with 3 pokemon. They may switch out as they like, while the defender will, of course, be unable to. The last pokemon who is able to battle wins the match, unless either party concedes.
The wording they had to use to define the battle was rather specific, but they always tried to bend it as much as they could so it didn't make it seem like people owned pokemon. Ri wondered if anyone noticed, but he rarely sensed challengers or any visitors thinking about it, so he guessed it went over their heads. Otherwise, Ri remembered Red's battle with Misty; like that, they usually allowed for 3-on-1 battles in their gym. It was, aside from the prospect of people, the reason pokemonning the gym was so difficult. Ri and Two were both strong, but they tired just like any pokemon, and while they could drink berry juices to sustain themselves, battling so much always took its toll on them. Even on Two, even though he didn't battle as much, since his body was weaker than Ri's. Ri sighed, preparing to battle while Phil called out his first pokemon. It was a Magneton; even though Ri sensed he seemed pretty strong, it didn't seem like he had to worry much at all yet. Finally, Two's more authoritative, fuller voice rung out cold and harsh... Ri realized he wasn't used to it anymore. That wasn't Two anymore - it never had been - but especially more so recently.
... Battle! Two called out, signaling Ri or Magneton could attack. Ri could sense him to know the moment he was going to say it, but he and Two didn't do that during gym battles; Two was his mate and fellow gym leader, and it felt unfair to take advantage of it given they were so closely associated. Instead, Ri waited for Phil and Magneton to attack. It helped show him and Two both what kind of person Phil was, anyway, and also how he treated his pokemon.
"Magneton, use Metal Sound!" Phil called out, but even though Ri was waiting for him to act, he was sensing and anticipated the attack. Unlike with Two, sensing the opponent felt like fair game - it was, largely, the entire reason battling as gym leaders like this was safe. Ri quickly summoned an Aura Sphere and threw it before Magneton could attack, throwing them back and disrupting them. It was a super-effective attack; Ri knew that Magneton couldn't take many hits like that, so he held back in that attack, and held back from continuing to attack too to see what Phil would do. He and Two both were strong enough to demolish any trainer that came in to battle them, but they always held back to spare the pokemon and to see what the trainer would do. They didn't want to hurt any pokemon more than they had to, and if they ended a battle too quickly, they didn't get to see enough of how the trainer behaved during battle.
"Gosh - you're so fast!" Phil called out, caught off-guard by Ri's speed. "Magneton, try to catch him with Flash, that'll keep him from being able to attack!"
Ri sighed; Aura Sphere was an aura-homing attack, and even otherwise, he could just sense aura to see even if he was blinded. Even if he did let Magneton attack, it wouldn't've done anything. He saw what Phil was trying to do - use moves to make it harder for Ri to attack and defend himself - but it wasn't going to work. Ri was too quick and had options for both attacking and defending, and Phil couldn't cover all of them. Ri caught Magneton again with another Aura Sphere, disrupting his attack once again.
"-I guess I have to be a little more aggressive," Phil decided out loud, wavering already in what little composure he had to face Ri in the first place. "You're just going to keep throwing attacks at us..."
Phil clearly hadn't prepared. Ri and Two both learned over the course of pokemonning the gym that most people weren't prepared to face them even if they thought they were. Like usual, Phil was floundering for options now that it was clear that Ri had the advantage.
"If he's faster - Magneton, get close and use Gyro Ball!"
Ri again saw what Phil was trying to do - use Ri's speed against him - but still, Ri was just too fast. This time, though, he waited for Magneton to come close to him, and he summoned his bone and threw them once more. It was technically a ground type move, so the poor Magneton fell to the ground unconscious. Ri looked up to Two and waited, and after just a few seconds -
Magneton is unable to battle, Two said.
"Gee - everyone was right about you," Phil said, calling Magneton back. "Can't do a thing against you..."
Ri settled down in place and waited for Phil to strategize and call out his next pokemon. He could sense what Phil was thinking and feeling; Phil was intimidated by Ri and Two both, and was clueless how to have any chance against Ri in battle. Ri didn't like it, he and Two weren't any threat at all. It reminded him of Cipher - when he was a threat, when he did hurt others needlessly...
No, Ri thought to himself, I need to shake that off. I can't right now. He glanced at Two; Two could sense him and knew what was happening. Two glanced back, but they couldn't do anything about it like they wanted to. They had to pretend everything was OK. Ri sensed, though; Two wanted to support him and help him.
I believe you, Ri said. I'm... fine. It was... starting to get tiring, having to go through this. He knew he wasn't XD2, he knew he'd reclaimed himself from Cipher and that being a monster back then didn't completely define who he was now. He knew and trusted that he cared now, so he needed to not let his past get to him. He felt bad for it happening again - he needed to and wanted to learn to get stronger - but he sensed Two understood and trusted that he cared about it. He felt thankful toward Two, Two always supported him even now when Ri finally recognized how unfair he was to Two. He owed Two a lot, but Two was forgiving, and the best way to thank him was by letting it be OK. Ri knew that now, and as it kept happening he practiced not letting himself spiral. He was starting to get used to it, and was a little more able to tell himself "no, that's wrong" each time it happened. Especially now, though, he needed to control it, so he could keep battling Phil and keep facing people after him. With everything else happening, though... it was hard. It was easy when they were sitting and chilling and having fun, but it was times like this when Ri needed it the most. He sighed, bringing his mind back to the battle; Phil still hadn't decided, and seemed to be standing in place, pondering what to do.
Ri heard one of Phil's friends cheering from the sidelines... he wondered why they were trying to be so positive and reassuring. There was nothing wrong with coming and battling and suggesting Phil try, but clearly it was obvious by now that Ri was an extremely powerful pokemon, and it seemed foolish to suggest Phil could still win when it was pretty clear he wasn't going to. Phil didn't seem swayed by it; that meant something, Ri supposed, but what mattered to him was how Phil treated his pokemon friends.
Finally, Phil called someone else out - a Nidoking. His poison typing didn't threaten Ri at all, but his ground typing worried him a bit. It just meant he had to be a bit more careful. Otherwise, he wondered why it took Phil so long to choose that specific pokemon; he didn't seem to know what typing Ri was. It surprised Ri; it happened a bit in the beginning before the internet was accessible from anywhere, but people should've been able to research him and Two by now. Ri didn't really like it; Phil could've spared Magneton the trouble of being beaten up if he'd known to expect that Ri would be strong against him. Regarding Nidoking, though, Ri wasn't totally sure what to expect yet; Phil was still floundering and wondering even though he had picked a pokemon who should've been strong against Ri.
I don't really want to deal with a ground type already, Ri mentioned privately to Two.
He shouldn't've come, Two said, he doesn't know what to do.
Do his pokemon deserve it? Ri asked.
... Do any of them? Two countered. Ri was wondering if it was better to spare the rest of Phil's pokemon so they didn't have to be needlessly hurt, but he also saw what Two was saying. Every gym battle they fought, they presumed they were going to win. It wasn't really worth it to fight any of them, so it was a weird line to draw at a trainer being not particularly less able to adapt than the rest of the trainers they battled. Anyway, Two continued, the rules.
... Yeah, Ri remembered. Two had said it: The last pokemon who is able to battle wins the match, unless either party concedes. They couldn't really make exceptions; the integrity of their battles mattered.
"Are you just waiting for me again?" Phil called out, interrupting them. "Nidoking, use Earth Power!"
No - Ri voiced nervously, but yet again privately, caught off-guard. He didn't like facing ground types, even if he could usually overpower them. He turned to Nidoking, and sensed for what the pokemon was doing. He roared, calling up his power, then Ri waited, and jumped out of the way of the blast. He felt the ground buckle underneath him, though, and nearly lost his footing. He depended on the ground underneath him being stable, and seismic tremors tended to resonate through him, throwing him off and making him sick if they were particularly bad. He couldn't handle them, and he sensed Phil seemed to figure it out.
I need to finish this quickly, Ri commented.
He's figuring it out, Two pointed out. He pulled Nidoking out wondering, but now he seems to see that you're weak to him.
Then he isn't totally clueless, Ri decided. Phil wasn't just completely flailing around, it seemed; he had gone right for the super-effective attack, and Ri was sure he was going to keep trying to catch Ri with it. It was a bit of a good sign for him, but it didn't really show Ri or Two what he thought of the pokemon he travelled with. He didn't seem to feel bad for Magneton fainting, so... it seemed like he generally felt like how most trainers felt. Relatively detached from the pokemon they sent into battle. Ri didn't really like watching it happen, but he cared, and he knew that he and Two tried their best to be sparing toward the pokemon they battled. Even if they were relentless, they weren't ruthless.
- Already, Ri and Two had Phil relatively well-characterized in their minds. He wasn't particularly careful or thoughtful in how he approached their battle, and he didn't seem to think particularly specially about the pokemon on his team. They were just extensions of him like most people thought, but... they weren't. He didn't have the right to treat them like that. He wasn't abusive, so Ri and Two weren't about to take them away, but while he seemed to show some awareness of Ri and Two, he hadn't shown particular care for the pokemon who had actually devoted their lives to him. Ri even wondered if he understood what it was like for a pokemon to be captured. It completely changed a pokemon's identity... Ri and Two both felt a trainer could at least acknowledge that and respect what a pokemon's identity did become. But... Phil at least didn't seem to get it. Just like all the others... he didn't really see pokemon as people. Just like the others... he didn't deserve their badge, regardless of how this battle went.
Given that they had basically already decided, Ri didn't worry about focusing on protecting himself for this bit of the battle. He quickly ran up to Nidoking and threw him using Force Palm, then ran again to catch him with his bone. Nidoking was weak to his own ground type - much like how Ri was weak to his own fighting type - so even though Ri let him get up this time, he was already quite beat up.
"Yikes!" Phil exclaimed. "Wow... I can't even hit you with Earth Power..."
Ri vaguely wondered how Phil managed to make it as far as he did. He supposed he could've been an OK trainer, but it felt misguided on his friends' parts to suggest he come and battle Ri and Two, and - now - for Phil to listen to them and not prepare showed a sort of recklessness that Ri didn't really approve of. Phil was responsible for the pokemon he battled with; they didn't deserve to be beat up because he listened to his friends instead of considering how the battled might hurt his team. Ri and Two respected when a trainer and pokemon came together, prepared, and tried their best to battle them even when it was obvious that they were going to lose... but this wasn't that, and it put Ri in a hard position where he had to punish Phil's pokemon for Phil not being ready to battle them. He didn't like it at all.
I don't like this, Ri said. I don't want to do this.
...
Ri sensed Two understood, but like usual, Two was the one who was a little more practical. He'd laid out the rules, and Ri and Phil had both agreed to them. Usually they had to assume that the pokemon did, too, and usually pokemon happily battled - Nidoking was prepared to keep fighting even though it was clear he was going to lose - but unless it was clear that the pokemon didn't want to battle, battling like this had to be alright. Ri sighed, committing to sparing Phil's pokemon as much as he could. He ran in to attack again, preparing a bone since it seemed better to knock Nidoking out quickly.
"He's going to - Horn Attack!"
It seemed smart for Phil to ask Nidoking to defend himself like that, but it was already over. Ri made contact with his bone, throwing Nidoking once again and knocking him unconscious. Phil called Nidoking back, and Ri returned to his place in the center of his side of the field, waiting for Phil to make his next move. This next bit really mattered; now that it was clear that Ri had the advantage, it was up to Phil to decide whether he'd put another pokemon through that or concede and spare them. He watched, sensing what Phil was thinking. He finally seemed to see and understand what was happening, but no matter what he did, Ri and Two were decided already.
"You know what - I concede," Phil admitted. "I'm not prepared for this at all."
"What!?" One of his friends yelled from the sidelines. "It's not over yet, battle until it's over!"
"No, he's just going to crush anybody like he did Magneton and Nidoking. I shouldn't put anyone else through that. I'm going to concede."
Ri calmed down, relieved that he wasn't going to have to keep fighting. He glanced at Two, wondering what would've been best if Phil had kept pushing, but they didn't have to, because Phil showed the awareness to understand what was happening and back off when he realized he was out of his depth. Ri stood down from the battle, but he was still a gym leader, and couldn't relax entirely. He had to wait for Two, anyway.
The challenger concedes; Ri is the winner.
The display above them flashed, then wiped, then displayed Ri as the victor. It was decided, so Ri wasn't limited to the battlefield anymore. He took his place by Two, happy to be near his mate again, but he tried not to show it... it really hurt.
"They said you're powerful," Phil said, "I had no idea that's what they meant..."
Nobody beat Ri or Two... Ri wondered what Phil thought it meant.
You may come back later if you wish, Ri said, again detached. He didn't really care, and he didn't really think Phil should come back, but in any case, it was still an option that was available to him.
"- Your badge?" Phil asked. It was odd of him to ask, Ri felt, but at the same time, since nobody ever won a battle against them, sometimes people started hoping for badges despite not winning, like they proved themselves "good enough." It wasn't like that - Ri and Two's badge wasn't about the battle at all. It was about how people treated pokemon, and there was no 'good enough' when it came to that.
No, Ri said.
Phil's friends came over to console/comfort him. He started to get distracted by them, but Ri nor Two really wanted to deal with it, they wanted to move on and accept the next challenge. They waited for a moment, hoping that they'd just leave, but they didn't, and it quickly became too much for Ri.
Please... there's a line behind you, he said, anxious to get to the next challenge so he and Two could be done with all this sooner.
"Oh - right," Phil remembered. "Well... thanks for accepting my challenge."
...
It's our job, Ri thought, but even if he was feeling detached, that didn't seem right to say. Instead, he just waited for Phil and his friends to leave. Like clockwork, the next group of trainers filtered in afterward, barely giving Ri and Two a moment to recover from that single battle...
They kept battling trainers over and over again, whittling away at the line that had collected and was still collecting at their front door. It quickly grew soul-crushing; Ri and Two both hated repressing themselves just to get through the day. Just like every other time, there was no one of particular interest to them, and they all walked away without badges. Some of them were confident, while others took it too far, putting their pokemon in danger. Some battled Ri thinking they could use ground-type or fighting-type moves to overwhelm him, but were usually surprised by how Ri aggressively and quickly attacked to protect himself. Others challenged Two instead, expecting to get at him with dark type or ghost type attacks or overwhelm him with physical attacks, but he could handle all of them easily simply because he was so incredibly strong. Ri felt bad, but he appreciated when opponents challenged Two because it gave him a chance to sit to the side and watch and rest.
When they needed to, they broke for a moment to drink some berry juice - mostly sitrus and oran berry juice to help them from getting too exhausted too quickly. It helped, but it wasn't nearly like a good night's rest, and they felt themselves wearing down as they kept battling. A battle was intellectually draining, too, as Ri and Two needed to be aware at all times to keep themselves safe, and it was emotionally draining because they had to judge every single challenger that walked in. The trainers were relentless, too, coming in one after another without leaving Ri or Two time to rest or collect themselves. It became tedious and draining, going through the whole process of a challenge for every single person who walked in, but they had to try, so they kept it up and worked through it to at least try to show everyone a relatively engaging battle.
Eventually, they sensed Red and Blue waking up underneath them. Their friends woke up comfortably and naturally and when they wanted to, and were lucky enough to get to enjoy their mornings (more like early afternoons) chilling and having fun. Ri and Two sorely missed being down there with them - they wanted to be having fun with them too - and it wore down on them quickly, along with the constant deluge of challengers. Around lunch time it started to overwhelm them - their friends were starting to build their lunches, and Ri and Two hadn't eaten since before Red and Blue had woken up and eaten breakfast. They wanted desperately to be down there with them and not managing their gym, and the constant influx of mediocre trainers was rather discouraging, so they finally broke the cycle to assert for themselves a break and locked up their gym for a bit. They relaxed for a moment, but they both felt emotionally detached as they went downstairs into their home to finally see Red and Blue and take a break.
- Ri? Two? Blue asked, as he happened to be sitting in the living room as they walked by.
We're fine, Ri nearly snapped.
I - Blue started, but in his shock he was speechless.
I - Ri realized what happened and stopped in his place for a moment, but he couldn't bring himself to do more than that, and just hoped Blue understood as he kept going to make his lunch with Two.
It's not fun, pokemonning the gym, Two explained fairly dryly. Ri followed him out to the kitchen and watched as he opened the refrigerator to extract things they could eat. Sandwiches? He suggested, looking through everything they had available.
I guess, Ri agreed, matching Two's short tone. It was healthy enough, he knew, and there wasn't really any emotional attachment to it which would either sour something Ri and Two particularly enjoyed or add on to their already detached state. It was neutral; that was good at the moment. Ri helped Two as he took the ingredients out of the refrigerator: non-pokemon meats, cheeses, and honey mustard, putting them on the counter for him and Two to share in a moment.
"We saw the cinnamon rolls you left," Red mentioned, appearing by and leaning against the door to the kitchen behind Ri and Two but staying out of the way so he didn't bother them. "We figured you left them for us."
We did, Ri said, finding plates for himself and Two while Two prepared to make himself his sandwich. We didn't think they might go stale until after we made them.
In the moment, that was about the closest thing to 'sorry' he was willing to communicate. He felt bad, but... he barely felt it. It vaguely worried him, but... they had more challengers to get through. He couldn't let himself worry about it.
"They were still good," Red mentioned.
Ri was starting to feel bothered by Red talking with him and Two like this, but he rather quickly caught himself - he and Two had come down because they wanted to be down here with him and Blue. Just, as he and Two were making their sandwiches, they focused on the line of trainers that was still collecting outside their gym, and they were desperate to get through them and be done with them for the day. Ri calmed himself down - he realized, rather detached-ly, that he did appreciate Red mentioning it.
- Good, Ri said, failing to come across like he actually cared.
Red let them be, and Ri and Two glanced at each other for a moment before finishing their sandwiches. They brought them out on plates to Red and Blue in the living room, who had already started their lunches. Ri didn't blame them for not waiting, but it hurt that they didn't because they usually tried to start a meal together if they were going to eat together, and Ri and Two were down here as much to be with them as they were to eat lunch.
"There's a lot of people up there," Blue said as Ri and Two sat down next to each other on the couch which Red and Blue left to them.
... Yeah, Ri agreed.
"I - didn't know your gym was so popular."
They line up because we don't leave our gym open all year, Two explained.
"Couldn't you just leave the gym open?" Blue asked, confused as to why they wouldn't just do that if it was so miserable for them to do it this way.
Then they'd trickle in all the time and we can't deal with that, Ri said, again rather shortly.
"- Oh," Blue said. Ri sensed it didn't really mean anything, Blue just saw how that made sense. For a bit after that, they ate silently. Ri didn't really think of much; he was just in a mindset of powering through until it was over, and he already almost wanted to get back up there to get it done sooner. It felt horrible... he wanted to see Red and Blue, but now that he was here, he just wanted to be able to see them when the nightmare above was over. He just didn't want to miss out. He did sense that things were awkward, at least, but it didn't feel to him like there was much he could do about it. Finally, Red broke the silence again to say something.
"... Just the usual?" he asked.
Yes, Ri said. Nobody special.
"If - they're all the same, then -"
Blue, Ri challenged, interrupting himself to glare at Blue and stop him from saying anything else. It worked, Blue stopped in his tracks, confused and intimidated by how Ri and Two were acting. Ri almost didn't care; he just needed Blue to stop asking him and Two questions like that.
It's our job, Two explained, as Ri backed down once Blue seemed to understand. And - Two said, glancing at Ri, we need to hope. He backed off too, to get back to his sandwich. The incident seemed to shut down conversation completely, as Red seemed to see it was best not to bother Ri and Two and Blue was intimidated out of saying much at all. Ri vaguely felt bad, but he could barely feel it. Aside from that, he wanted to be distracted, but at the same time, he wanted to focus to get back to work quickly. He didn't totally know what he wanted, except that he wanted, somewhere deep down inside and inaccessible at the moment, to have fun, enjoy himself, and be with Two forever.
It wasn't too long before Ri and Two both finished their lunches. They 'cleaned up,' leaving their dishes in the sink to be washed later along with the dishes they had left earlier, but then dallied for a moment as they realized they didn't really want to go back upstairs. Instead, they just stood in their living room, dreading going back up. Eventually, Two prodded a bit, and suggested they needed to go back up. Finally, they brought themselves to leave their home once more. As they left, Ri realized that they had soured the mood in their home, but he sensed that as they left it didn't immediately get better. He knew it meant that Red and Blue cared, but at the same time, it was hard on him that they'd done that. It was in the past, and all they could do is hope that it would be OK later... they had to face more challengers.
...
The short respite didn't really help, as they got back into challenging trainers. Red and Blue kept doing what they were doing without Ri and Two; Ri vaguely sensed Red explaining to Blue talking over what had happened, but they went back to doing their own things, leaving Ri and Two out once again. Ri didn't really blame them, it just hurt. Then, on top of it, the continuing-ly relentless onslaught of trainers beat them down further, into the evening when usually they'd be excited to get to their days proper. Instead, they'd been awake for hours already, and were already exhausted from battling and being gym leaders. Eventually, the experience became entirely numbing, and Ri practically turned off as he stopped thinking about what he was doing and started simply doing it just to get through it. It was miserable... he didn't want to do it anymore. He didn't know how he got through it in the past - even just the year before. He stopped feeling to protect himself; it should've terrified him, but he couldn't really feel to care. It didn't feel the same as Cipher anyway... he still felt he cared in certain ways - he wouldn't do the things XD2 did again - but in other ways, he felt just indifferent. He glanced more and more longingly toward Two as the day kept going, but more and more he forced himself to hold it back, adding on to the whole thing. He faintly sensed Two having trouble, too, and hated it... this isn't how he wanted to spend his life with Two. Maybe he could do this because he was with Two, but... this wasn't how he wanted to live with his mate. He wanted to have fun and do stuff he liked and not feel forced to do things that so deeply threatened him. He could barely feel it, though... he could barely feel anything.
Finally, around 8, almost 12 hours after they woke up, they asserted themselves, and closed up their gym, turning away the rest of the challengers. There weren't too many left; it didn't feel good leaving any more but they recognized they had to turn them away because they all needed to get back to the mainland. And - finally - they turned to their secret door and went back home, finished with accepting challengers for the day. This time, as they entered their living room, even though Red and Blue were sitting right there, nobody said anything. Ri and Two quickly collapsed onto their couch, lying how they liked to, Two behind Ri and hugging him close, like they had wanted to all day. There wasn't any sort of emotional release, though; Ri felt unable to feel or think anything. He just sat there, recognizing that he was finally in Two's arms, but feeling almost indifferent about it. He wondered about it, but he could barely bring himself to; there was just too much happening in his mind for him to be able to process any of it. He sensed Two was there, at least, and Red and Blue were, too. It was faintly reassuring; XD2 didn't sense but he still could. Something else was happening, but he didn't know what it was. He didn't know what he was feeling, he didn't know what to think, he didn't know what was happening. He only sensed his mate behind him and lied there with him for a long time, unable to deal with whatever was happening.
Ri, Two finally softly pleaded, please feel something, he emphasized. You're... scaring me.
Ri saw what was happening, then... there wasn't much he could do. He broke down violently, loudly and quickly whimpering and crying and bawling. The day had completely overwhelmed him... there was too much to feel, and too much of it simply hurt. He just knew... he didn't want to scare Two. That was something he felt. That was something he cared about, and it now finally terrified him that he couldn't find those things before, that they were so locked up within him he couldn't feel them. It all came out now, faster than he could parse, how he and Two had just wanted to enjoy themselves, how hard it was for them to pretend when they didn't really care about it anymore, how the sheer number of challengers was so overwhelming, how battling and getting up early and not being with his friends was so draining, how he regretted being cold toward Red and Blue earlier, how he knew he cared about them, about Two, and how he'd nearly lost it again, how it was so difficult purposefully maintaining hope that someone out there cared for pokemon like Ri and Two wanted them to, how miserable the whole thing was, and how desperately he wished never to do that again but it seeming like they had to do it again and dreading experiencing anything that would push him so far again. He hated this, he hated how it made him close up to Two and his friends and he hated how intensely he felt that when he just wanted to enjoy being with his mate. It all came out, alongside the sheer exhaustion of the experience. Even Two, he finally clearly sensed all day, was overwhelmed behind him, partly, he knew, from his own sheer extent of emotion and distress. He'd terrified Two, he saw, but... somehow Two kept it together and he... didn't. He hated that too... he wanted to do better and keep together better and be stronger like Two. He cried continuously and violently for a long time, letting it all out and laying it all out for Two to understand and Red and Blue to witness even if it all still swirled about inside of him, confusing him and overwhelming him over again and feeding into itself.
He felt as Two held him close, pulling him tight into his body to comfort him, to try and ground him and remind him he was there. It took a long time, but it eventually started to work, and Ri finally started to calm down, hoarse and dehydrated from crying out. He still didn't know where to begin working through it all, but at least it was laid bare and released, and he'd managed to take down whatever defenses he'd put up to survive the day. He was utterly exhausted in every way imaginable, but he could at least feel again, and he was properly aware of himself and the pokemon around him again. He felt almost violated by the experience, vulnerable and broken like he was after Cipher, except... the pieces were more readily and easily put back together again because he was somehow stronger and because he'd managed to get through it with Two. He wasn't shattered, just almost shattered.
He thought about Two finally, now that he wasn't totally overwhelmed anymore, and sensed that that was all hard on his mate, too. He didn't really know how to deal with it, but...
... Two? He asked weakly, exhausted and left open and defenseless from the sheer power of his outburst and scared that Two wouldn't take it well even though he could sense.
It's OK, Two said softly. Ri fell limp in his mate's arms, cherishing that short statement, but - also falling into hating himself for it. He hated how he'd fallen apart, making it up to Two again to pull him together, he never wanted to do that again but... he just wasn't strong enough. Usually, he could manage it, but completely exhausted and with all his defenses down, he couldn't even defend against the stuff that was healthy for him to defend against.
No, Two said, arresting Ri entirely and shocking him out of the mindset. Lately - Two hadn't gotten himself directly involved in Ri managing himself, and it terrified Ri that he was now. He listened to his mate, trusting that Two would keep him together - even if he hated needing to be put back together - and forcing himself to let it be OK. He tried not to let himself fall apart again... he was already in too many pieces to handle it again, and he recognized that he needed to keep together for Two's sake.
Be with me, Two said, weakly, pressing Ri into himself once again. Ri understood... Two needed him too, and after all that... Ri tried to pull himself together to be there for his mate too.
I'm... here, he mustered. I'm here for you too.
... Thank you, Two said. I want to be with you forever.
I do too, Ri said back. Two squeezed him just a bit more, then let go again, careful not to crush Ri. They spent more time, resting and recovering from falling apart so catastrophically, Ri spending time to muster himself together to control himself again and remember how things needed to be. He remembered what he and Two wanted - to be able to have fun without worrying what others would do. To be braver and stronger and to care less about how the public saw them - or at least, to be more trusting that they'd be safe no matter what they showed the people around them. They spent the time calming down to return to 'normal,' whatever normal was going to be this moment. At least - they wanted to be able to move on and have what they had before getting into all this. Once Ri felt relatively stable and sensed that Two was doing better too, he finally opened up and realized that Red and Blue had stayed with them, and realized that it all must've been hard on them, too. And, finally - he felt truly bad about how he and Two had been earlier. It had been there all along, but he just couldn't let himself feel it at the moment.
Guys - he finally said, once it felt like he and Two were both stable and present again and he felt able to approach them normally.
"You don't have to - apologize," Red said, with some difficulty. "We see how hard it was."
I - we - Ri floundered, recognizing that he and Two weren't really fair to Blue, but he didn't really know how to address it.
"We understand," Blue said. "- Red helped me to."
Ri looked to Red; he remembered Red and Blue talking about stuff before, but he had been too... whatever to acknowledge it too deeply. He assumed that's what they were talking about.
You are... Even Two couldn't really get it out, but Ri sensed what he was trying to say, of course. Two was aware too, and he saw that he and Ri had been very hard on them today. He valued them and was thankful they stuck through and were understanding. Ri finally felt the same things, too.
"We... realized you needed us," Red said, again with difficulty.
Thanks, Ri said, figuring that most agreeably communicated everything he and Two felt.
"-Yeah," Red said back. "I'm sorry... that it ended up being so hard this time," he managed to say; Ri sensed it was very difficult for him.
Thanks, Two brought himself to say in return. For Red to say something like that... it meant a lot.
"I -" Blue started, but even now, in light of how Ri had been before, it was hard on him.
I understand, Ri said, now that he could look back more clearly. You just didn't really know. I'm... sorry, I was so hurtful.
He meant it... he regretted being harsh and unresponsive toward Blue. Blue didn't really deserve it, he saw.
"Red helped me understand," Blue reiterated.
- Thanks, Ri said again. Red had done a lot for them it seemed, and Blue was being readily forgiving, too. It meant a lot to both Ri and Two. Ri settled down again now that it seemed like everything was OK with Red and Blue, too, but before too long he sensed Blue starting to get up, and started to panic.
Wait wait wait - Ri called out, terrified that they were going to leave him and Two now that they were finally able to interact properly with them. When he sensed Two was worked up because of it, too, he pleaded with them, looking up at them to talk.
Please, stay with us.
Blue stopped in his tracks, and Ri certainly caught Red's attention, too. Blue seemed to glance at Red, and relaxed, and sat back down.
"OK," he said, relieving both Ri and Two greatly.
"Yeah," Red said, "I'll stay too."
It was reassuring - Ri and Two had gone through all that misery to get to be with their friends - and their friends almost started going away when they were finally able to have fun. Ri didn't know what sort of fun he was capable of, though, and even as he was starting to consider it, Red brought it up after Two thanked him and Blue for staying.
"... What are we going to do?"
Ri spent some time thinking about it; he was physically, emotionally, and intellectually exhausted, but he wasn't nearly ready to go to sleep yet. The whole day was still on his mind, and he didn't really want to think about it while he and Two were having fun with Red and Blue. It seemed like the only way was to -
TV? He asked.
Sounds good, Two agreed.
"Sure," Red acknowledged.
"Yeah," Blue agreed too.
That decided it, and Ri was relieved that he and Two would be able to rest comfortably with their friends in whatever capacity they were able.
"Wait -" Blue pointed out, "don't you need to eat dinner?"
The concept surprised Ri; he'd forgotten about it, and sensed that it wasn't on Two's mind, either. They had drunk so much juice to keep up their strength, but he recognized that dinner still mattered. He didn't feel able to bring himself to make it, though, and he sensed Two wasn't up to it, either. He didn't want Two to leave him that long anyway, now that they were finally stable and able to properly enjoy being with each other again. Ri guessed something in the way he and/or Two looked at Red and Blue convinced them to take it into their own paws; they started getting up, scaring Ri again until he realized they were going to make them food.
"We'll make you guys food," Red said, seemingly for both him and Blue.
"What do you want?" Blue asked.
Ri sensed behind him to see what Two felt, but he already felt pretty decided and was happy for Two to agree with him.
Just microwave dinners, he said. He appreciated it since it was easy on their friends to make for them, but there was more than that; ever since Cipher, they stocked microwave meals because Ri needed to Two to be able to stick with him at all times and later because they became a pick-me-up meal because they associated them with caring for each other and because they were easy to make when they couldn't bring themselves through the work of making food for themselves. This time, as Red and Blue went off to make their food, it wasn't so terrifying to Ri and Two since they trusted that they'd be coming back in a bit. They lied still, recovering from the day. It felt like Ri was 'waking up,' like he'd shut down over the course of the day and was 'turning on' again to actually interact with the things he saw, felt, and sensed. In retrospect, it scared him that he'd 'turned off' at all; it was 'turning off' that made him be XD2 in the first place. He realized how close he was to it again. Even if it felt more 'controlled,' even if he was safe with Two and nothing could actually happen to him, he still stopped caring.
Two... he pleaded. In his state he was easily overwhelmed; just this thought challenged him too much. He felt Two squeeze him from behind again; it was always a comfort.
I know, Two said softly. I hated feeling like...
Ri understood in return. Two felt like the Two Ri had met - one who was withdrawn, aloof, and burnt from humanity's treatment of him. That scared him too, just like how feeling like XD2 scared Ri. This was all new; they had managed just the year before, they had managed before that even when Ri was less well than he was now. Ri knew why, but still... it confused him. It seemed like they should've been stronger and more able to deal with stuff like managing their gym, but now it felt like they couldn't deal with it as well.
... What changed? Ri asked.
... We grew, Two answered.
Ri didn't really want to talk about it anymore at the moment. It was just a relief that they came back this time - that they managed to withstand the day and remember that they cared. They waited for their friends - it seemed like one of their meals was heated up already, but they of course had to wait for the other one, too. Then - once the second one was done - they ended up waiting for a third and fourth, too, and they realized that Red and Blue hadn't eaten yet, either. It was alright, of course - that's why they stocked up on them - and it got Red and Blue back to them sooner. It didn't take too long, and soon, Red and Blue came out each holding a meal for Ri and Two and for themselves - and Blue holding a glass of water for Ri. Ri and Two begrudgingly sat up and accepted their meals, thanking their friends for their help and understanding. Once Red and Blue were settled down too, they turned on the TV and set up something to watch, choosing a series they had been watching together. It was a sort of crime drama-comedy with a detective and a Krokorok gangster-turned-good working together to solve crimes. They liked it because it was light and humorous and not too heavy or technical for Red or Blue, but it also kept Two thinking and Ri distracted. They felt the pokemon were depicted in it well, too; they all had personalities and proper roles to play in the story. It felt rather rare for pokemon to be so well-written that shows like this mattered a lot to Ri and Two. They ended up watching three 40-minute episodes, getting caught up in the narrative since they were starting to come to the end of a season. At the end of the third, though, they realized they were too exhausted to keep going. It was depressing - it wasn't that late for them and they wanted to keep up to be with their friends longer - but they admitted they needed to go to sleep and thanked Red and Blue for staying with them. They forced themselves to get up and prepare for bed, then cuddled once again in bed to go to sleep.
It didn't happen immediately, though. Even after being distracted, there was a lot on their minds. Somewhat removed from the day, they felt able to reflect on it, and it was really important to them to figure it out. Ri didn't know what to think of what happened, and now that he was relatively OK again, it bothered him that it had happened in the first place. They lied for a bit in silence, but Ri finally brought it up.
I don't know what to do, he admitted. Today was... he shuddered in Two's embrace. Even with how he felt he needed to reconcile things, he didn't really want to think about the day any longer. I don't think I can do that again, he commented, discouraged.
I don't think we should, Two agreed. It's become harmful and threatening to us.
But then...
Pokemonning the gym was how they supported themselves. Even with how generous their league had been - mostly because of Red, then Blue after him, they realized - they still had responsibility, and if they stopped pokemonning the gym altogether, there was no way the league could keep supporting them. Ri wondered if they could find anything else that was as forgiving with them, but he recognized that nobody at the league expected much from them.
I don't know, Two admitted in return.
The gym? Will we have to move? Ri asked. They partly ended up with the gym because they were living under it. Ri didn't know if their League would want the gym above them or if they'd let it just it close so Ri and Two could be in peace. In either case, Ri and Two didn't want to leave their home, and they didn't want to have to let someone else on their island, either.
I don't know, Two said.
How will we -
I don't know, Two said again.
Ri started to worry; all because of one miserable day, suddenly a lot of stuff that they had taken granted for years felt like it was all going to disappear. It made him sick; he just wanted to be safe and happy with Two. He didn't want to be miserable to live, he wanted to be able to enjoy himself and have fun. Of course, they had responsibilities - Ri always understood that, at least since recovering himself from Cipher - but Ri didn't want his responsibilities to nearly break him every time like the day they'd just spent in their gym almost did. He felt like he needed something to change, but it felt like everything else was going to change, too, and... it was more than he could deal with. Two having no idea what was going to happen either left him with nowhere to feel safe and secure, except that whatever happened, he assumed that Two would be there, too. And, he hoped... Red and Blue.
I - think you're worrying too far in advance, Two carefully said. We need to see how we feel in the morning, then from there we have to decide what to do, and after that, depending on what happens, we can worry about what's going to happen in the future.
I - Ri saw what Two was saying, but he still didn't know how to deal with all this. He curled up tightly to comfort himself, prompting Two to pull him closer and curl around him more tightly too.
It's... terrifying, Two admitted. But... I know I'm going to be with you, and I believe that somehow, we'll figure out how to be happy. Whether it's because the League continues being kind to us, or because we find some less-stressful way of supporting ourselves...
... OK, Ri said.
... In either case, I would fight to keep our home. This is our place, this is the only place I feel safe. I was created here, it's more my place than it is theirs. If... they want to keep the gym on top of it, they're going to have to fight through me to get it.
Two - Ri cried softly, calling to his mate to ground him. It was reassuring that Two seemed willing to fight to protect what they had, but at the same time, his quick defensiveness about it was alarming.
But... I'm getting ahead of myself too, Two realized, having heard Ri. He sighed, letting go of the thought for the moment and calming himself down. I don't know what's going to happen, he started again, but I feel we can't paralyze ourselves by worrying about it before it happens.
Then... what do we do? Ri asked. I can't - He thought of the idea of going up there to be a gym leader again; he couldn't even bring himself to say it.
We should... discuss with Red, Two suggested. He knows the League better than we do.
But... the gym? They'll expect it to open again, Ri pointed out, starting to worry about it again already.
We're allowed to open it whenever we want, Two asserted. If that's... not tomorrow, then it's not tomorrow. We can't worry about it; we need to worry about ourselves.
OK, Ri agreed. It made sense, he felt; they had to address what had happened today before they could consider what was going to happen next. He felt that if pokemonning the gym was suddenly so hard on them, they needed to withdraw to figure it out before they put themselves through it again. At the moment, it didn't feel like everything was going to fall apart anymore, it just felt like they had stuff to figure out, and Ri and Two both knew that their League and friends would give them space and even help them. Especially - Red and Blue would help and support them.
I think it's going to be OK, Two said, reassuring and comforting Ri.
... OK, Ri said, deciding to trust his mate and let go - at least for the moment. Thanks, he considered, thankful for his mate stepping in to help him... again.
Of course, Two said softly. I hope everything will be OK too, I don't know what's going to happen either. I -
Now, suddenly, Two was starting to get caught up in it, but he was better at Ri than stuff like this, so he caught himself again and pulled himself out of it. Ri sensed he mostly just didn't want to lose everything - other than Ri - that helped him feel safe and like a part of the world he lived in. Cinnabar was the only place he really had any connection to, and like Ri worried, the League could try to take it from them. He wanted to let go of the defensive pokemon he'd been before meeting Ri and helping him through Cipher, and Ri saw how all this happening threatened to bring that pokemon back again. Ri didn't want that to happen either; he wanted to stay with Two and learn how to be strong instead so they could be open together without worrying about being hurt. It was discouraging that this new thing popped up - like they'd been seeing a lot recently, growing was a lot more complicated than it seemed when they first promised each other that they'd grow for each other.
But, like Two had said, Ri saw that they couldn't get ahead of themselves. It all loomed over him, but he tried not to let it worry him; he trusted that the next morning, he'd wake up safe in his mate's arms like usual. Nothing was happening yet, and they had time to figure things out. That was a relief, and it helped him calm down. He realized he was falling asleep in the dark and quiet, but first -
Good night, he said, wanting to make sure he told Two before he fell asleep. I love you.
Good night, Two said back. I love you too.
This itself made Ri smile and helped him feel like everything was going to be OK. This time - he chose to trust that it was OK.
-----------------------------------------
Two? Ri asked, shuffling in bed, waking up from the blissful night's rest he'd shared with his mate.
Huh? Two asked, waking more so from Ri's shuffling than him saying anything with his mind. Telepathy registered less strongly in the mind than regular speech; a sleeping person didn't wake from telepathy.
Good morning, Ri wished, also commenting how it felt waking up with Two. It was a good morning... he got to share it with Two.
Good morning, Two said, yawning and stretching before settling back into cuddling around Ri from behind. They spooned often when they slept; it helped Ri feel safe and cared for and helped reassure Two since Ri was willing to go to him to be cared for. Why'd you get me up?
The gym, Ri reminded his mate. We need to pokemon it today.
Oh... Two realized. If it weren't for what they were forgetting, Ri would've thought it was cute that Two had forgotten they needed to open the gym today, but it was rather overwhelmed by the feeling he shared with Two that he'd rather lie in bed and cuddle and rest the whole day instead of spending it telling trainers they didn't win their badge. It was discouraging, turning away trainer after trainer after trainer, and they had to battle all of them, and they had to deal with people - they knew this day was coming for a while, but they still didn't feel prepared for it. They never did.
I don't want to, Ri confessed, curling up tightly in Two's embrace. Why do we have to do this? He cried, wishing that he and Two could just have fun and do whatever they wanted. In response, Two pulled him even closer, squishing against him.
It's... our job, Two explained. Ri knew, but still, he didn't look forward to it at all. No matter what they did, the trainers lined up when they first opened for the season. They had to set a date for their own sanity, but whichever date they chose, trainers flocked to them early on to challenge them. The only solution seemed to be to remain open constantly, but Ri and Two both knew they couldn't handle the constant, random trickle of challengers. They needed breaks when they knew they could enjoy themselves without fearing being called at any moment to battle someone. The trade-off was this difficult period of a few days when they could be sure that trainers would be lined up all day to battle them. It felt like an intrinsic flaw in the way Kanto gyms worked, but... they all worked that way. They were all open service like that. Ri and Two were lucky to be able to choose to close since there wasn't any reason for them to be open until trainers had collected at least some number of badges to prove that they were ready for the challenge, but still, they wished they could make some sort of appointment system so they could avoid being at other people's mercies at all.
But still, Ri pressed, wishing that it didn't have to be so hard.
I know, Two said, comfortingly. What he meant: I agree. Ri sensed him to understand. Two let him cuddle like that for a bit, preparing themselves to face the day, but before long... we need to get up, he said. That is why you woke me in the first place. It would've been humorous if it weren't for why they were getting up.
Yeah... Ri said, regretfully unfurling and stretching from holding that curled up position. He felt as Two got up, then got up after him, and tried to steel himself for the day ahead of him and his mate.
They made their way to the kitchen, and started on their breakfast. Like usual, Ri started brewing the coffee, while Two started making the actual food. It was before Red and Blue were even awake, though; except for Blue they all liked to get up late and stay up late, but Ri and Two didn't want to spend the time they liked doing things they didn't like, so they got up earlier on workdays to try to get to enjoy themselves later when they did like to. They had to trade-off, though, and go to sleep sooner so that they could get up early enough the next day too. They didn't like it, but... they didn't like the idea of taking trainers at night, either.
I want to do something special, Two suggested, stopping at the oven before starting the cereal they usually ate, taking his paw off the dial for the burner he was just about to turn. It was a bit of a pick-me-up; Ri thought it was adorable.
What do you want to do? He asked, measuring out the coffee beans to grind them, into a container on a scale so he could measure their weight.
Cinnamon rolls? Two offered. The idea sounded immediately great to Ri, but he stopped in his tracks to think about it.
Shouldn't we... make something healthy? He asked back.
... Probably, Two said, admitting that that was the better thing to do, sounding a bit discouraged because of it. Ri didn't want to let go of the cinnamon rolls, though, so -
Can we... do both? He asked, looking to his mate to see how he felt about it. Two clearly wanted to do it too - Two seemed to light up when he suggested it - but that put extra work on his paws which Ri didn't really want. I'll help, he suggested, I think we should do both together.
OK, Two said, happy that Ri was happy with his suggestion. Thanks, he offered; he usually handled breakfast by himself.
Yeah, Ri said easily - he trusted Two understood. He turned back to his coffee for the moment, needing to get to it, while Two started preparing the cinnamon rolls, preheating the oven and setting them up to bake. They got pre-prepared cinnamon rolls from the store; they had considered making them from scratch themselves, but they recognized that the times when they wanted treats weren't the same times they were willing to put in the extra work of making them. Except for the time constraint of needing to open their gym, baking pre-prepared cinnamon rolls cost only a little extra effort, so it seemed worth it. Ri chose a brewing method he could let sit for a few minutes, then prepared it, and jumped on starting the cereal which made up the 'healthy' part of their breakfast, at least once they put in the berries and milk. He didn't have so much of a problem putting together all the ingredients in a pot and setting them to boil; he didn't like the art of knowing when to take the pot off the heat. Too soon, and the cereal was soggy or tough, and too long, and it was dry and rubbery. Two figured it out, though, so when Two was done with the cinnamon rolls for the moment, Ri let him take over the cereal while he checked on his coffee. He finished brewing his coffee and prepared his and Two's mugs, deciding to make himself a rich mocha to complement the cinnamon roll. He would let Two have a sip, but Two couldn't afford to drink too much even when he woke up early like this, so he only poured Two's normal amount and treated it like usual, except he added a bit of sugar and milk to round it off as a treat. Once he was done with that, he focused on the cinnamon rolls and checked them when the timer went off, requiring Two to scoot out of the way for the moment it took him to open the oven door. They happened to be done, so he pulled them out and focused on putting the icing on all of them while Two finished the cereal. Before long, they sat down together in their dining room, choosing to sit next to each other like they usually did when Red and Blue were around even though they were alone. The thought made them realize Red and Blue might've appreciated the cinnamon rolls, but there wasn't much they could do anymore, and they figured they could just leave them out for when Red and Blue were awake and hope they didn't get too stale. They settled down for breakfast, building their cereals with fruits they liked and some milk, then savored their cinnamon buns. They had worked together to make them, and it felt extra special that way, which Ri definitely appreciated. It was a nice treat before opening their gym, and it distracted them from it for a precious few moments. Ri had his mocha, too; it paired nicely with the cinnamon and icing. He shared it with Two so Two could experience it also, but finished it himself before they set aside their dishes to be washed later. Once they were done with breakfast, they cleaned themselves up, made sure they were presentable by checking each other all around, then they went off to open their gym. They stopped at the door to their home, though, to collect themselves. They already sensed a line of people growing outside and wondered how miserable it was going to be to battle through all of them. They had trained up, preparing, of course, but battling with each other or against Red and Blue was much more pleasant and comfortable; they had to pay attention carefully all the time during these gym battles, and it quickly grew exhausting.
Are you ready? Two asked, softly.
No, Ri admitted. I'm never ready for this.
I'm not either, Two agreed.
Well... we have to, Ri guessed.
We're safe, at least, Two said.
But... we're gym leaders, Ri said, not...
Ever since Cerulean, it grew more and more heavy on their minds that they couldn't deal with keeping up public appearances anymore. As they seemed to be healing, their priorities seemed to be changing, going from protecting themselves at all costs to being able to share being happy, open, and vulnerable with each other and their friends. They had no idea what to do about it, but they knew they had to grow somehow; they didn't know where the boundaries were and it wore down on them increasingly.
There was something different about being gym leaders, though, which made it still seem important that they act a certain way. In this strictly professional manner, it felt that they couldn't be intimate at all, like they had to micromanage how people saw them. They didn't know if they wanted to be impenetrable anymore, but at this point it was what people expected of them, and it still felt safer to be impersonal, anyway.
In any case, they had to face all the people outside their gym, and Ri was far less able to do it after Cipher. They had needed to close the gym for a long time when Cipher happened; Ri wasn't able to handle it for several years and needed Two at his side or at least close by constantly while he was rebuilding himself. Even though he'd come to own his purple and orange fur and cut-off spikes, it was incredibly difficult revealing his altered appearance to the world, and his shattered composure brought him to tend to collapse under the threat of opponent pokemon except with Two's constant reassurance that it was OK to battle other pokemon. He got better over time, and learned to be OK with battles, but people still bothered him, and as gym leaders they were coming to him (and Two, of course) to be judged. To fight to 'prove' they deserved their badge. It was... a situation that could bring out the worst in even the best people. And most people that came weren't that great in the first place. At least, Ri knew, he and Two had authority, and they were both strong enough to protect themselves and each other. Managing the gym was safe, it was just... miserable.
I'm starting to wonder, Two pointed out. It was almost a bit of a surprise to Ri.
... You were always the one who was sure that we needed to be withdrawn, Ri pointed out, trying to communicate his uneasiness humorously. *I'm* supposed to be the unsure one.
... I suppose things are different now, Two suggested. Ri sensed him clam up and instantly regretted what he said.
- I - he stuttered, unable to process and starting to panic over the idea of hurting Two. He realized what he'd said, it sounded a bit like complaining, but he was really just trying to be funny. He saw that underneath, it was kind of hard on him, it felt like it would be easier if they could be sure how they wanted to be. Then they'd just do that. But instead, they didn't know, and therefore made it impossible to do anything. He felt guilty about it, he didn't want to hurt Two or make him feel bad for growing. It was a good thing Two was opening up and Ri vastly appreciated it, just... at the same time, growing brought them new problems that they realized they weren't ready to face.
I know what you mean, Two said, reassuringly. It's hard on me too that we don't know. It's... easy when we sit at home with Red and Blue, we don't have to worry about it. But now...
It matters, Ri finished. Two seemed to understand, Ri was thankful. It was hard on both of them, he knew; it showed that Two had grown and changed since they started following Red around. Ri saw how Two was unsure about sharing the things he felt with Ri in public, but at the same time, he saw how Two wanted to be able to share stuff. It came down to them not knowing what was OK and safe to share publicly.
I love you, Two said. That doesn't change even if out there I can't express it like I want. Ri looked up to his mate, into Two's eyes. They were open and soft and accepting now; Two was being vulnerable and showing it to Ri. Ri cherished it, because in a moment he knew it was going to apparently change.
I love you too, Ri said back, showing the same vulnerability. Same here. I wish we didn't have to worry about it. He wanted to express his uneasiness with the situation before they committed to hiding it all and pushing it deep inside; he looked to Two longingly to show that he wanted to be close to him.
Me too, Two agreed, looking back reassuringly. Maybe someday we'll figure it out.
I'd like that, Ri said. I want to be your mate without having to worry what others think.
Two nodded, agreeing. They both sighed, preparing themselves; Ri watched as Two's body language changed, as he rolled his shoulders, straightened up, and as his face dropped all emotion and vulnerability. This was the Two others knew, the one who withstood Giovanni and closed up, withdrew and grew bitter toward humanity because of how he was treated. Under it... Ri knew that there was a caring, loving pokemon. He thought that pokemon was adorable, but... others didn't get to see that. Two was protecting himself... he was better at it than Ri was. Ri tried steeling himself, too, pushing down the things he felt for Two. It made him feel sick, but they had a job to do, and... it felt that doing this would help keep them safe. That was always why they had done it - to protect themselves - but now it wore down on them more than it ever did since they had finally reached a place where they could be open and be safe and were enjoying the benefits of being happy.
They had to do this, though. As prepared as they could be, they turned, and went into their gym. They sensed people lined up outside; at least they didn't have to work through all of them to get to their gym. It was still locked, and they could at the very least keep people out until they were ready to battle them. The line outside was discouraging; they knew it would take some time just to fight through these people, and they were sure more would show up over the course of the day.
Ri knew he loved Two, Ri knew Two loved him back, he knew that they wanted to be able to share it. He trusted that his mate cared for him and that he cared back; that made facing the people seem bearable, along with the fact that it still felt better to withdraw like this, at least when being gym leaders, to keep themselves protected, even if it hurt. Ri and Two needed a safe place to be vulnerable and cute... this wasn't it, not with the people around.
... We're mates, Two said. Always.
Always, Ri agreed. It felt almost excessive for Two to say it again, but Ri certainly appreciated it. Ri sensed he was reassuring himself as much as he was trying to reassure Ri... Ri felt bad for him and wanted to comfort him. But he couldn't, and it - already, he caught himself.
I'm... sorry, Ri said, weakly, more so that he couldn't comfort Two than because he'd already failed in keeping himself together.
I trust you, Two reassured him, this time meaning it mostly for Ri over himself. It was two-fold, it meant that Two trusted that Ri cared for him no matter what happened today while they were being gym leaders, but it also meant that Two trusted him to keep himself together until they finally closed at the end. It meant a lot to Ri and it helped keep him together.
I trust you too, Ri said. I don't think I could do this without you.
Me neither, Two said back.
With that... it seemed like they were about as ready as they were going to be.
At Two's mental command, the gym around them came to life. The floor which usually glowed softly lit up in purple, marking out the regulation battlefield they challenged trainers on. Above them, their 3D display populated with the outline of their battle data, but it wasn't filled out because there wasn't any battle happening at the moment. The ceiling changed color, letting in some of the light, but it remained a semi-translucent grey so the light that came in was muted and diffuse. In the morning like this, the indirect sun didn't light up the gym too well anyway, but Ri knew that later it would lighten up a bit more. Neither he nor Two really cared; they preferred it to be dark, they just weren't too happy about being stuck there all day. Next, another mental command from Two unlocked the front doors, but there wasn't any obvious indication other than Ri and Two being able to sense that the doors were unlocked. Ri and Two glanced at each other, dreading what they were about to experience, but it came down to Ri to initiate it all. Ri remembered the things they had said to each other, and figured that they'd figure out how to survive it.
Come in, Ri said, broadcasting to the group of people he sensed were waiting right at the door.
Ri's voice wasn't particularly intimidating; he had a bassy voice, technically, but he didn't really use it when he spoke, so he figured it had 'body' but it didn't really resonate. Being tense and worried didn't help, and even his telepathy sounded relatively shrill as he addressed the trainers. It seemed like hearing it suddenly and seemingly from nowhere tended to intimidate, though, since whenever they opened their gym like this, Ri tended to surprise and scare people. The people entered, though - three trainers. Ri could sense that only one of them intended to challenge them, which was a great relief. As much as Ri and Two would've preferred trainer battles to be completely private, there was basically nothing they could do if a challenger wanted to bring friends. They could let them watch, anyway, there wasn't anything specifically wrong with it.
"Hey, you've got this, Phil," one of the trainers encouraged brightly while they were walking in, "they're just pokemon, they can't be that scary, can they?"
Ri knew the trainer was just trying to reassure his friend, but still, it bothered him and Two both and made them feel sick. They weren't "just" pokemon, no pokemon was "just" a pokemon. Already, they felt that trainer would never get their badge, but that person wasn't the one they were testing, they were testing Phil.
"I don't know if they like you saying that," Phil said, glancing up at them and seeing their aloof composures. Ri sensed he mistook their demeanor for being specific to that one comment, but he vaguely appreciated that Phil seemed to care about it. Still, though... they were talking like Ri and Two weren't there, and Ri didn't like it.
... We're here? Ri asked, pointing out their presence and expressing frustration that they were talking like they weren't there.
"Um - of course," Phil said, turning to them and apparently gulping, preparing to confront them. "I'm Phil Wilkins, I'm here to challenge you?"
Phil was nervous; Ri didn't even really know why he was challenging their gym. He seemed like an average trainer, keeping himself as well as he could given he was travelling around the region by foot as was tradition. He and his friends all had packs to prove it. Aside from that, he seemed rather like a capable and experienced trainer, but he seemed a bit out of his depth in Ri and Two's gym.
Why are you challenging us? Ri asked deadpan and almost even detached, wondering about it and figuring it would give him and Two insight.
"My friends believe in me; they think I'm a better trainer than I feel. They want me to show it by battling you."
Ri felt it was wholesome, but he didn't really care given the circumstances. They little they'd seen of him said quite a bit already, though. He drew strength from his friends, but at the same time, he was vaguely aware of when they were going outside reason to reassure him - and, importantly, this time it involved pokemon and their sense of self. Ri didn't know if it meant Phil was worthy of their badge; he had a lot to prove, still. Usually a battle let Ri and Two both see everything they needed to.
... Who do you want to fight? Ri asked, moving the topic on to the reason everyone was there. It was how they did it since the very beginning: a challenger would battle only either Ri or Two. They knew they were powerful even back then, so they figured that battling just one of them was enough. They had decided back then to let the trainer choose which one to fight. More recently, they were inclined to choose themselves, but they decided to stick with the way it was mostly because it was usually inconsequential for them which of them battled any trainer. Ri generally ended up battling more than Two, but Ri was more inclined to battling than Two was, so it generally worked out, at least when Ri was able to handle it. Anyway, the choice often said quite a bit about a person. Sometimes - rather often - people chose the pokemon that they felt they had the advantage against to make it easier on themselves. Sometimes they chose the pokemon that they felt was harder to beat to 'prove they're the best' or something like that, and Ri and Two had to figure out if their pokemon agreed with it or not or else if the trainer was abusive or not. They always watched carefully for abusive trainers, but they watched more carefully if they saw any red flags, and that was one of them. Ri didn't sense any red flags yet from Phil, though, so it wasn't on his mind (or Two's) as they prepared to battle.
"Um - Ri?" Phil asked. Ri figured; Phil wasn't sure about the battle in the first place, so it made sense he'd try battling the one he thought was weaker. Ri was weaker than Two, but generally it didn't matter, so the only battles that even vaguely worried them were the ones where trainers felt they had some sort of strategy to counter one of them. Phil didn't seem like that, though, so Ri didn't really feel worried. He glanced at Two, though; it was just the start of the trend again. Even if Ri was able to handle all the battles, he didn't particularly enjoy it. Ri stepped forward into the battlefield while Two floated over to the sidelines to ref, and Phil took his spot on the other side of the battlefield. At Two's command, the display above the battlefield filled out, accessing official data to show Phil as the challenger and listing Ri as the defender. It lit up for Phil's friends as they watched, and served as a reference for either Ri and Two or the challenger as they battled.
Once everyone seemed prepared, Two finally said something. He usually didn't like to, but when he was the ref, it was his job to.
This is a battle between Ri, a gym leader of Cinnabar gym and Phil, the challenger. It will be 3 on 1; the challenger may battle with 3 pokemon. They may switch out as they like, while the defender will, of course, be unable to. The last pokemon who is able to battle wins the match, unless either party concedes.
The wording they had to use to define the battle was rather specific, but they always tried to bend it as much as they could so it didn't make it seem like people owned pokemon. Ri wondered if anyone noticed, but he rarely sensed challengers or any visitors thinking about it, so he guessed it went over their heads. Otherwise, Ri remembered Red's battle with Misty; like that, they usually allowed for 3-on-1 battles in their gym. It was, aside from the prospect of people, the reason pokemonning the gym was so difficult. Ri and Two were both strong, but they tired just like any pokemon, and while they could drink berry juices to sustain themselves, battling so much always took its toll on them. Even on Two, even though he didn't battle as much, since his body was weaker than Ri's. Ri sighed, preparing to battle while Phil called out his first pokemon. It was a Magneton; even though Ri sensed he seemed pretty strong, it didn't seem like he had to worry much at all yet. Finally, Two's more authoritative, fuller voice rung out cold and harsh... Ri realized he wasn't used to it anymore. That wasn't Two anymore - it never had been - but especially more so recently.
... Battle! Two called out, signaling Ri or Magneton could attack. Ri could sense him to know the moment he was going to say it, but he and Two didn't do that during gym battles; Two was his mate and fellow gym leader, and it felt unfair to take advantage of it given they were so closely associated. Instead, Ri waited for Phil and Magneton to attack. It helped show him and Two both what kind of person Phil was, anyway, and also how he treated his pokemon.
"Magneton, use Metal Sound!" Phil called out, but even though Ri was waiting for him to act, he was sensing and anticipated the attack. Unlike with Two, sensing the opponent felt like fair game - it was, largely, the entire reason battling as gym leaders like this was safe. Ri quickly summoned an Aura Sphere and threw it before Magneton could attack, throwing them back and disrupting them. It was a super-effective attack; Ri knew that Magneton couldn't take many hits like that, so he held back in that attack, and held back from continuing to attack too to see what Phil would do. He and Two both were strong enough to demolish any trainer that came in to battle them, but they always held back to spare the pokemon and to see what the trainer would do. They didn't want to hurt any pokemon more than they had to, and if they ended a battle too quickly, they didn't get to see enough of how the trainer behaved during battle.
"Gosh - you're so fast!" Phil called out, caught off-guard by Ri's speed. "Magneton, try to catch him with Flash, that'll keep him from being able to attack!"
Ri sighed; Aura Sphere was an aura-homing attack, and even otherwise, he could just sense aura to see even if he was blinded. Even if he did let Magneton attack, it wouldn't've done anything. He saw what Phil was trying to do - use moves to make it harder for Ri to attack and defend himself - but it wasn't going to work. Ri was too quick and had options for both attacking and defending, and Phil couldn't cover all of them. Ri caught Magneton again with another Aura Sphere, disrupting his attack once again.
"-I guess I have to be a little more aggressive," Phil decided out loud, wavering already in what little composure he had to face Ri in the first place. "You're just going to keep throwing attacks at us..."
Phil clearly hadn't prepared. Ri and Two both learned over the course of pokemonning the gym that most people weren't prepared to face them even if they thought they were. Like usual, Phil was floundering for options now that it was clear that Ri had the advantage.
"If he's faster - Magneton, get close and use Gyro Ball!"
Ri again saw what Phil was trying to do - use Ri's speed against him - but still, Ri was just too fast. This time, though, he waited for Magneton to come close to him, and he summoned his bone and threw them once more. It was technically a ground type move, so the poor Magneton fell to the ground unconscious. Ri looked up to Two and waited, and after just a few seconds -
Magneton is unable to battle, Two said.
"Gee - everyone was right about you," Phil said, calling Magneton back. "Can't do a thing against you..."
Ri settled down in place and waited for Phil to strategize and call out his next pokemon. He could sense what Phil was thinking and feeling; Phil was intimidated by Ri and Two both, and was clueless how to have any chance against Ri in battle. Ri didn't like it, he and Two weren't any threat at all. It reminded him of Cipher - when he was a threat, when he did hurt others needlessly...
No, Ri thought to himself, I need to shake that off. I can't right now. He glanced at Two; Two could sense him and knew what was happening. Two glanced back, but they couldn't do anything about it like they wanted to. They had to pretend everything was OK. Ri sensed, though; Two wanted to support him and help him.
I believe you, Ri said. I'm... fine. It was... starting to get tiring, having to go through this. He knew he wasn't XD2, he knew he'd reclaimed himself from Cipher and that being a monster back then didn't completely define who he was now. He knew and trusted that he cared now, so he needed to not let his past get to him. He felt bad for it happening again - he needed to and wanted to learn to get stronger - but he sensed Two understood and trusted that he cared about it. He felt thankful toward Two, Two always supported him even now when Ri finally recognized how unfair he was to Two. He owed Two a lot, but Two was forgiving, and the best way to thank him was by letting it be OK. Ri knew that now, and as it kept happening he practiced not letting himself spiral. He was starting to get used to it, and was a little more able to tell himself "no, that's wrong" each time it happened. Especially now, though, he needed to control it, so he could keep battling Phil and keep facing people after him. With everything else happening, though... it was hard. It was easy when they were sitting and chilling and having fun, but it was times like this when Ri needed it the most. He sighed, bringing his mind back to the battle; Phil still hadn't decided, and seemed to be standing in place, pondering what to do.
Ri heard one of Phil's friends cheering from the sidelines... he wondered why they were trying to be so positive and reassuring. There was nothing wrong with coming and battling and suggesting Phil try, but clearly it was obvious by now that Ri was an extremely powerful pokemon, and it seemed foolish to suggest Phil could still win when it was pretty clear he wasn't going to. Phil didn't seem swayed by it; that meant something, Ri supposed, but what mattered to him was how Phil treated his pokemon friends.
Finally, Phil called someone else out - a Nidoking. His poison typing didn't threaten Ri at all, but his ground typing worried him a bit. It just meant he had to be a bit more careful. Otherwise, he wondered why it took Phil so long to choose that specific pokemon; he didn't seem to know what typing Ri was. It surprised Ri; it happened a bit in the beginning before the internet was accessible from anywhere, but people should've been able to research him and Two by now. Ri didn't really like it; Phil could've spared Magneton the trouble of being beaten up if he'd known to expect that Ri would be strong against him. Regarding Nidoking, though, Ri wasn't totally sure what to expect yet; Phil was still floundering and wondering even though he had picked a pokemon who should've been strong against Ri.
I don't really want to deal with a ground type already, Ri mentioned privately to Two.
He shouldn't've come, Two said, he doesn't know what to do.
Do his pokemon deserve it? Ri asked.
... Do any of them? Two countered. Ri was wondering if it was better to spare the rest of Phil's pokemon so they didn't have to be needlessly hurt, but he also saw what Two was saying. Every gym battle they fought, they presumed they were going to win. It wasn't really worth it to fight any of them, so it was a weird line to draw at a trainer being not particularly less able to adapt than the rest of the trainers they battled. Anyway, Two continued, the rules.
... Yeah, Ri remembered. Two had said it: The last pokemon who is able to battle wins the match, unless either party concedes. They couldn't really make exceptions; the integrity of their battles mattered.
"Are you just waiting for me again?" Phil called out, interrupting them. "Nidoking, use Earth Power!"
No - Ri voiced nervously, but yet again privately, caught off-guard. He didn't like facing ground types, even if he could usually overpower them. He turned to Nidoking, and sensed for what the pokemon was doing. He roared, calling up his power, then Ri waited, and jumped out of the way of the blast. He felt the ground buckle underneath him, though, and nearly lost his footing. He depended on the ground underneath him being stable, and seismic tremors tended to resonate through him, throwing him off and making him sick if they were particularly bad. He couldn't handle them, and he sensed Phil seemed to figure it out.
I need to finish this quickly, Ri commented.
He's figuring it out, Two pointed out. He pulled Nidoking out wondering, but now he seems to see that you're weak to him.
Then he isn't totally clueless, Ri decided. Phil wasn't just completely flailing around, it seemed; he had gone right for the super-effective attack, and Ri was sure he was going to keep trying to catch Ri with it. It was a bit of a good sign for him, but it didn't really show Ri or Two what he thought of the pokemon he travelled with. He didn't seem to feel bad for Magneton fainting, so... it seemed like he generally felt like how most trainers felt. Relatively detached from the pokemon they sent into battle. Ri didn't really like watching it happen, but he cared, and he knew that he and Two tried their best to be sparing toward the pokemon they battled. Even if they were relentless, they weren't ruthless.
- Already, Ri and Two had Phil relatively well-characterized in their minds. He wasn't particularly careful or thoughtful in how he approached their battle, and he didn't seem to think particularly specially about the pokemon on his team. They were just extensions of him like most people thought, but... they weren't. He didn't have the right to treat them like that. He wasn't abusive, so Ri and Two weren't about to take them away, but while he seemed to show some awareness of Ri and Two, he hadn't shown particular care for the pokemon who had actually devoted their lives to him. Ri even wondered if he understood what it was like for a pokemon to be captured. It completely changed a pokemon's identity... Ri and Two both felt a trainer could at least acknowledge that and respect what a pokemon's identity did become. But... Phil at least didn't seem to get it. Just like all the others... he didn't really see pokemon as people. Just like the others... he didn't deserve their badge, regardless of how this battle went.
Given that they had basically already decided, Ri didn't worry about focusing on protecting himself for this bit of the battle. He quickly ran up to Nidoking and threw him using Force Palm, then ran again to catch him with his bone. Nidoking was weak to his own ground type - much like how Ri was weak to his own fighting type - so even though Ri let him get up this time, he was already quite beat up.
"Yikes!" Phil exclaimed. "Wow... I can't even hit you with Earth Power..."
Ri vaguely wondered how Phil managed to make it as far as he did. He supposed he could've been an OK trainer, but it felt misguided on his friends' parts to suggest he come and battle Ri and Two, and - now - for Phil to listen to them and not prepare showed a sort of recklessness that Ri didn't really approve of. Phil was responsible for the pokemon he battled with; they didn't deserve to be beat up because he listened to his friends instead of considering how the battled might hurt his team. Ri and Two respected when a trainer and pokemon came together, prepared, and tried their best to battle them even when it was obvious that they were going to lose... but this wasn't that, and it put Ri in a hard position where he had to punish Phil's pokemon for Phil not being ready to battle them. He didn't like it at all.
I don't like this, Ri said. I don't want to do this.
...
Ri sensed Two understood, but like usual, Two was the one who was a little more practical. He'd laid out the rules, and Ri and Phil had both agreed to them. Usually they had to assume that the pokemon did, too, and usually pokemon happily battled - Nidoking was prepared to keep fighting even though it was clear he was going to lose - but unless it was clear that the pokemon didn't want to battle, battling like this had to be alright. Ri sighed, committing to sparing Phil's pokemon as much as he could. He ran in to attack again, preparing a bone since it seemed better to knock Nidoking out quickly.
"He's going to - Horn Attack!"
It seemed smart for Phil to ask Nidoking to defend himself like that, but it was already over. Ri made contact with his bone, throwing Nidoking once again and knocking him unconscious. Phil called Nidoking back, and Ri returned to his place in the center of his side of the field, waiting for Phil to make his next move. This next bit really mattered; now that it was clear that Ri had the advantage, it was up to Phil to decide whether he'd put another pokemon through that or concede and spare them. He watched, sensing what Phil was thinking. He finally seemed to see and understand what was happening, but no matter what he did, Ri and Two were decided already.
"You know what - I concede," Phil admitted. "I'm not prepared for this at all."
"What!?" One of his friends yelled from the sidelines. "It's not over yet, battle until it's over!"
"No, he's just going to crush anybody like he did Magneton and Nidoking. I shouldn't put anyone else through that. I'm going to concede."
Ri calmed down, relieved that he wasn't going to have to keep fighting. He glanced at Two, wondering what would've been best if Phil had kept pushing, but they didn't have to, because Phil showed the awareness to understand what was happening and back off when he realized he was out of his depth. Ri stood down from the battle, but he was still a gym leader, and couldn't relax entirely. He had to wait for Two, anyway.
The challenger concedes; Ri is the winner.
The display above them flashed, then wiped, then displayed Ri as the victor. It was decided, so Ri wasn't limited to the battlefield anymore. He took his place by Two, happy to be near his mate again, but he tried not to show it... it really hurt.
"They said you're powerful," Phil said, "I had no idea that's what they meant..."
Nobody beat Ri or Two... Ri wondered what Phil thought it meant.
You may come back later if you wish, Ri said, again detached. He didn't really care, and he didn't really think Phil should come back, but in any case, it was still an option that was available to him.
"- Your badge?" Phil asked. It was odd of him to ask, Ri felt, but at the same time, since nobody ever won a battle against them, sometimes people started hoping for badges despite not winning, like they proved themselves "good enough." It wasn't like that - Ri and Two's badge wasn't about the battle at all. It was about how people treated pokemon, and there was no 'good enough' when it came to that.
No, Ri said.
Phil's friends came over to console/comfort him. He started to get distracted by them, but Ri nor Two really wanted to deal with it, they wanted to move on and accept the next challenge. They waited for a moment, hoping that they'd just leave, but they didn't, and it quickly became too much for Ri.
Please... there's a line behind you, he said, anxious to get to the next challenge so he and Two could be done with all this sooner.
"Oh - right," Phil remembered. "Well... thanks for accepting my challenge."
...
It's our job, Ri thought, but even if he was feeling detached, that didn't seem right to say. Instead, he just waited for Phil and his friends to leave. Like clockwork, the next group of trainers filtered in afterward, barely giving Ri and Two a moment to recover from that single battle...
They kept battling trainers over and over again, whittling away at the line that had collected and was still collecting at their front door. It quickly grew soul-crushing; Ri and Two both hated repressing themselves just to get through the day. Just like every other time, there was no one of particular interest to them, and they all walked away without badges. Some of them were confident, while others took it too far, putting their pokemon in danger. Some battled Ri thinking they could use ground-type or fighting-type moves to overwhelm him, but were usually surprised by how Ri aggressively and quickly attacked to protect himself. Others challenged Two instead, expecting to get at him with dark type or ghost type attacks or overwhelm him with physical attacks, but he could handle all of them easily simply because he was so incredibly strong. Ri felt bad, but he appreciated when opponents challenged Two because it gave him a chance to sit to the side and watch and rest.
When they needed to, they broke for a moment to drink some berry juice - mostly sitrus and oran berry juice to help them from getting too exhausted too quickly. It helped, but it wasn't nearly like a good night's rest, and they felt themselves wearing down as they kept battling. A battle was intellectually draining, too, as Ri and Two needed to be aware at all times to keep themselves safe, and it was emotionally draining because they had to judge every single challenger that walked in. The trainers were relentless, too, coming in one after another without leaving Ri or Two time to rest or collect themselves. It became tedious and draining, going through the whole process of a challenge for every single person who walked in, but they had to try, so they kept it up and worked through it to at least try to show everyone a relatively engaging battle.
Eventually, they sensed Red and Blue waking up underneath them. Their friends woke up comfortably and naturally and when they wanted to, and were lucky enough to get to enjoy their mornings (more like early afternoons) chilling and having fun. Ri and Two sorely missed being down there with them - they wanted to be having fun with them too - and it wore down on them quickly, along with the constant deluge of challengers. Around lunch time it started to overwhelm them - their friends were starting to build their lunches, and Ri and Two hadn't eaten since before Red and Blue had woken up and eaten breakfast. They wanted desperately to be down there with them and not managing their gym, and the constant influx of mediocre trainers was rather discouraging, so they finally broke the cycle to assert for themselves a break and locked up their gym for a bit. They relaxed for a moment, but they both felt emotionally detached as they went downstairs into their home to finally see Red and Blue and take a break.
- Ri? Two? Blue asked, as he happened to be sitting in the living room as they walked by.
We're fine, Ri nearly snapped.
I - Blue started, but in his shock he was speechless.
I - Ri realized what happened and stopped in his place for a moment, but he couldn't bring himself to do more than that, and just hoped Blue understood as he kept going to make his lunch with Two.
It's not fun, pokemonning the gym, Two explained fairly dryly. Ri followed him out to the kitchen and watched as he opened the refrigerator to extract things they could eat. Sandwiches? He suggested, looking through everything they had available.
I guess, Ri agreed, matching Two's short tone. It was healthy enough, he knew, and there wasn't really any emotional attachment to it which would either sour something Ri and Two particularly enjoyed or add on to their already detached state. It was neutral; that was good at the moment. Ri helped Two as he took the ingredients out of the refrigerator: non-pokemon meats, cheeses, and honey mustard, putting them on the counter for him and Two to share in a moment.
"We saw the cinnamon rolls you left," Red mentioned, appearing by and leaning against the door to the kitchen behind Ri and Two but staying out of the way so he didn't bother them. "We figured you left them for us."
We did, Ri said, finding plates for himself and Two while Two prepared to make himself his sandwich. We didn't think they might go stale until after we made them.
In the moment, that was about the closest thing to 'sorry' he was willing to communicate. He felt bad, but... he barely felt it. It vaguely worried him, but... they had more challengers to get through. He couldn't let himself worry about it.
"They were still good," Red mentioned.
Ri was starting to feel bothered by Red talking with him and Two like this, but he rather quickly caught himself - he and Two had come down because they wanted to be down here with him and Blue. Just, as he and Two were making their sandwiches, they focused on the line of trainers that was still collecting outside their gym, and they were desperate to get through them and be done with them for the day. Ri calmed himself down - he realized, rather detached-ly, that he did appreciate Red mentioning it.
- Good, Ri said, failing to come across like he actually cared.
Red let them be, and Ri and Two glanced at each other for a moment before finishing their sandwiches. They brought them out on plates to Red and Blue in the living room, who had already started their lunches. Ri didn't blame them for not waiting, but it hurt that they didn't because they usually tried to start a meal together if they were going to eat together, and Ri and Two were down here as much to be with them as they were to eat lunch.
"There's a lot of people up there," Blue said as Ri and Two sat down next to each other on the couch which Red and Blue left to them.
... Yeah, Ri agreed.
"I - didn't know your gym was so popular."
They line up because we don't leave our gym open all year, Two explained.
"Couldn't you just leave the gym open?" Blue asked, confused as to why they wouldn't just do that if it was so miserable for them to do it this way.
Then they'd trickle in all the time and we can't deal with that, Ri said, again rather shortly.
"- Oh," Blue said. Ri sensed it didn't really mean anything, Blue just saw how that made sense. For a bit after that, they ate silently. Ri didn't really think of much; he was just in a mindset of powering through until it was over, and he already almost wanted to get back up there to get it done sooner. It felt horrible... he wanted to see Red and Blue, but now that he was here, he just wanted to be able to see them when the nightmare above was over. He just didn't want to miss out. He did sense that things were awkward, at least, but it didn't feel to him like there was much he could do about it. Finally, Red broke the silence again to say something.
"... Just the usual?" he asked.
Yes, Ri said. Nobody special.
"If - they're all the same, then -"
Blue, Ri challenged, interrupting himself to glare at Blue and stop him from saying anything else. It worked, Blue stopped in his tracks, confused and intimidated by how Ri and Two were acting. Ri almost didn't care; he just needed Blue to stop asking him and Two questions like that.
It's our job, Two explained, as Ri backed down once Blue seemed to understand. And - Two said, glancing at Ri, we need to hope. He backed off too, to get back to his sandwich. The incident seemed to shut down conversation completely, as Red seemed to see it was best not to bother Ri and Two and Blue was intimidated out of saying much at all. Ri vaguely felt bad, but he could barely feel it. Aside from that, he wanted to be distracted, but at the same time, he wanted to focus to get back to work quickly. He didn't totally know what he wanted, except that he wanted, somewhere deep down inside and inaccessible at the moment, to have fun, enjoy himself, and be with Two forever.
It wasn't too long before Ri and Two both finished their lunches. They 'cleaned up,' leaving their dishes in the sink to be washed later along with the dishes they had left earlier, but then dallied for a moment as they realized they didn't really want to go back upstairs. Instead, they just stood in their living room, dreading going back up. Eventually, Two prodded a bit, and suggested they needed to go back up. Finally, they brought themselves to leave their home once more. As they left, Ri realized that they had soured the mood in their home, but he sensed that as they left it didn't immediately get better. He knew it meant that Red and Blue cared, but at the same time, it was hard on him that they'd done that. It was in the past, and all they could do is hope that it would be OK later... they had to face more challengers.
...
The short respite didn't really help, as they got back into challenging trainers. Red and Blue kept doing what they were doing without Ri and Two; Ri vaguely sensed Red explaining to Blue talking over what had happened, but they went back to doing their own things, leaving Ri and Two out once again. Ri didn't really blame them, it just hurt. Then, on top of it, the continuing-ly relentless onslaught of trainers beat them down further, into the evening when usually they'd be excited to get to their days proper. Instead, they'd been awake for hours already, and were already exhausted from battling and being gym leaders. Eventually, the experience became entirely numbing, and Ri practically turned off as he stopped thinking about what he was doing and started simply doing it just to get through it. It was miserable... he didn't want to do it anymore. He didn't know how he got through it in the past - even just the year before. He stopped feeling to protect himself; it should've terrified him, but he couldn't really feel to care. It didn't feel the same as Cipher anyway... he still felt he cared in certain ways - he wouldn't do the things XD2 did again - but in other ways, he felt just indifferent. He glanced more and more longingly toward Two as the day kept going, but more and more he forced himself to hold it back, adding on to the whole thing. He faintly sensed Two having trouble, too, and hated it... this isn't how he wanted to spend his life with Two. Maybe he could do this because he was with Two, but... this wasn't how he wanted to live with his mate. He wanted to have fun and do stuff he liked and not feel forced to do things that so deeply threatened him. He could barely feel it, though... he could barely feel anything.
Finally, around 8, almost 12 hours after they woke up, they asserted themselves, and closed up their gym, turning away the rest of the challengers. There weren't too many left; it didn't feel good leaving any more but they recognized they had to turn them away because they all needed to get back to the mainland. And - finally - they turned to their secret door and went back home, finished with accepting challengers for the day. This time, as they entered their living room, even though Red and Blue were sitting right there, nobody said anything. Ri and Two quickly collapsed onto their couch, lying how they liked to, Two behind Ri and hugging him close, like they had wanted to all day. There wasn't any sort of emotional release, though; Ri felt unable to feel or think anything. He just sat there, recognizing that he was finally in Two's arms, but feeling almost indifferent about it. He wondered about it, but he could barely bring himself to; there was just too much happening in his mind for him to be able to process any of it. He sensed Two was there, at least, and Red and Blue were, too. It was faintly reassuring; XD2 didn't sense but he still could. Something else was happening, but he didn't know what it was. He didn't know what he was feeling, he didn't know what to think, he didn't know what was happening. He only sensed his mate behind him and lied there with him for a long time, unable to deal with whatever was happening.
Ri, Two finally softly pleaded, please feel something, he emphasized. You're... scaring me.
Ri saw what was happening, then... there wasn't much he could do. He broke down violently, loudly and quickly whimpering and crying and bawling. The day had completely overwhelmed him... there was too much to feel, and too much of it simply hurt. He just knew... he didn't want to scare Two. That was something he felt. That was something he cared about, and it now finally terrified him that he couldn't find those things before, that they were so locked up within him he couldn't feel them. It all came out now, faster than he could parse, how he and Two had just wanted to enjoy themselves, how hard it was for them to pretend when they didn't really care about it anymore, how the sheer number of challengers was so overwhelming, how battling and getting up early and not being with his friends was so draining, how he regretted being cold toward Red and Blue earlier, how he knew he cared about them, about Two, and how he'd nearly lost it again, how it was so difficult purposefully maintaining hope that someone out there cared for pokemon like Ri and Two wanted them to, how miserable the whole thing was, and how desperately he wished never to do that again but it seeming like they had to do it again and dreading experiencing anything that would push him so far again. He hated this, he hated how it made him close up to Two and his friends and he hated how intensely he felt that when he just wanted to enjoy being with his mate. It all came out, alongside the sheer exhaustion of the experience. Even Two, he finally clearly sensed all day, was overwhelmed behind him, partly, he knew, from his own sheer extent of emotion and distress. He'd terrified Two, he saw, but... somehow Two kept it together and he... didn't. He hated that too... he wanted to do better and keep together better and be stronger like Two. He cried continuously and violently for a long time, letting it all out and laying it all out for Two to understand and Red and Blue to witness even if it all still swirled about inside of him, confusing him and overwhelming him over again and feeding into itself.
He felt as Two held him close, pulling him tight into his body to comfort him, to try and ground him and remind him he was there. It took a long time, but it eventually started to work, and Ri finally started to calm down, hoarse and dehydrated from crying out. He still didn't know where to begin working through it all, but at least it was laid bare and released, and he'd managed to take down whatever defenses he'd put up to survive the day. He was utterly exhausted in every way imaginable, but he could at least feel again, and he was properly aware of himself and the pokemon around him again. He felt almost violated by the experience, vulnerable and broken like he was after Cipher, except... the pieces were more readily and easily put back together again because he was somehow stronger and because he'd managed to get through it with Two. He wasn't shattered, just almost shattered.
He thought about Two finally, now that he wasn't totally overwhelmed anymore, and sensed that that was all hard on his mate, too. He didn't really know how to deal with it, but...
... Two? He asked weakly, exhausted and left open and defenseless from the sheer power of his outburst and scared that Two wouldn't take it well even though he could sense.
It's OK, Two said softly. Ri fell limp in his mate's arms, cherishing that short statement, but - also falling into hating himself for it. He hated how he'd fallen apart, making it up to Two again to pull him together, he never wanted to do that again but... he just wasn't strong enough. Usually, he could manage it, but completely exhausted and with all his defenses down, he couldn't even defend against the stuff that was healthy for him to defend against.
No, Two said, arresting Ri entirely and shocking him out of the mindset. Lately - Two hadn't gotten himself directly involved in Ri managing himself, and it terrified Ri that he was now. He listened to his mate, trusting that Two would keep him together - even if he hated needing to be put back together - and forcing himself to let it be OK. He tried not to let himself fall apart again... he was already in too many pieces to handle it again, and he recognized that he needed to keep together for Two's sake.
Be with me, Two said, weakly, pressing Ri into himself once again. Ri understood... Two needed him too, and after all that... Ri tried to pull himself together to be there for his mate too.
I'm... here, he mustered. I'm here for you too.
... Thank you, Two said. I want to be with you forever.
I do too, Ri said back. Two squeezed him just a bit more, then let go again, careful not to crush Ri. They spent more time, resting and recovering from falling apart so catastrophically, Ri spending time to muster himself together to control himself again and remember how things needed to be. He remembered what he and Two wanted - to be able to have fun without worrying what others would do. To be braver and stronger and to care less about how the public saw them - or at least, to be more trusting that they'd be safe no matter what they showed the people around them. They spent the time calming down to return to 'normal,' whatever normal was going to be this moment. At least - they wanted to be able to move on and have what they had before getting into all this. Once Ri felt relatively stable and sensed that Two was doing better too, he finally opened up and realized that Red and Blue had stayed with them, and realized that it all must've been hard on them, too. And, finally - he felt truly bad about how he and Two had been earlier. It had been there all along, but he just couldn't let himself feel it at the moment.
Guys - he finally said, once it felt like he and Two were both stable and present again and he felt able to approach them normally.
"You don't have to - apologize," Red said, with some difficulty. "We see how hard it was."
I - we - Ri floundered, recognizing that he and Two weren't really fair to Blue, but he didn't really know how to address it.
"We understand," Blue said. "- Red helped me to."
Ri looked to Red; he remembered Red and Blue talking about stuff before, but he had been too... whatever to acknowledge it too deeply. He assumed that's what they were talking about.
You are... Even Two couldn't really get it out, but Ri sensed what he was trying to say, of course. Two was aware too, and he saw that he and Ri had been very hard on them today. He valued them and was thankful they stuck through and were understanding. Ri finally felt the same things, too.
"We... realized you needed us," Red said, again with difficulty.
Thanks, Ri said, figuring that most agreeably communicated everything he and Two felt.
"-Yeah," Red said back. "I'm sorry... that it ended up being so hard this time," he managed to say; Ri sensed it was very difficult for him.
Thanks, Two brought himself to say in return. For Red to say something like that... it meant a lot.
"I -" Blue started, but even now, in light of how Ri had been before, it was hard on him.
I understand, Ri said, now that he could look back more clearly. You just didn't really know. I'm... sorry, I was so hurtful.
He meant it... he regretted being harsh and unresponsive toward Blue. Blue didn't really deserve it, he saw.
"Red helped me understand," Blue reiterated.
- Thanks, Ri said again. Red had done a lot for them it seemed, and Blue was being readily forgiving, too. It meant a lot to both Ri and Two. Ri settled down again now that it seemed like everything was OK with Red and Blue, too, but before too long he sensed Blue starting to get up, and started to panic.
Wait wait wait - Ri called out, terrified that they were going to leave him and Two now that they were finally able to interact properly with them. When he sensed Two was worked up because of it, too, he pleaded with them, looking up at them to talk.
Please, stay with us.
Blue stopped in his tracks, and Ri certainly caught Red's attention, too. Blue seemed to glance at Red, and relaxed, and sat back down.
"OK," he said, relieving both Ri and Two greatly.
"Yeah," Red said, "I'll stay too."
It was reassuring - Ri and Two had gone through all that misery to get to be with their friends - and their friends almost started going away when they were finally able to have fun. Ri didn't know what sort of fun he was capable of, though, and even as he was starting to consider it, Red brought it up after Two thanked him and Blue for staying.
"... What are we going to do?"
Ri spent some time thinking about it; he was physically, emotionally, and intellectually exhausted, but he wasn't nearly ready to go to sleep yet. The whole day was still on his mind, and he didn't really want to think about it while he and Two were having fun with Red and Blue. It seemed like the only way was to -
TV? He asked.
Sounds good, Two agreed.
"Sure," Red acknowledged.
"Yeah," Blue agreed too.
That decided it, and Ri was relieved that he and Two would be able to rest comfortably with their friends in whatever capacity they were able.
"Wait -" Blue pointed out, "don't you need to eat dinner?"
The concept surprised Ri; he'd forgotten about it, and sensed that it wasn't on Two's mind, either. They had drunk so much juice to keep up their strength, but he recognized that dinner still mattered. He didn't feel able to bring himself to make it, though, and he sensed Two wasn't up to it, either. He didn't want Two to leave him that long anyway, now that they were finally stable and able to properly enjoy being with each other again. Ri guessed something in the way he and/or Two looked at Red and Blue convinced them to take it into their own paws; they started getting up, scaring Ri again until he realized they were going to make them food.
"We'll make you guys food," Red said, seemingly for both him and Blue.
"What do you want?" Blue asked.
Ri sensed behind him to see what Two felt, but he already felt pretty decided and was happy for Two to agree with him.
Just microwave dinners, he said. He appreciated it since it was easy on their friends to make for them, but there was more than that; ever since Cipher, they stocked microwave meals because Ri needed to Two to be able to stick with him at all times and later because they became a pick-me-up meal because they associated them with caring for each other and because they were easy to make when they couldn't bring themselves through the work of making food for themselves. This time, as Red and Blue went off to make their food, it wasn't so terrifying to Ri and Two since they trusted that they'd be coming back in a bit. They lied still, recovering from the day. It felt like Ri was 'waking up,' like he'd shut down over the course of the day and was 'turning on' again to actually interact with the things he saw, felt, and sensed. In retrospect, it scared him that he'd 'turned off' at all; it was 'turning off' that made him be XD2 in the first place. He realized how close he was to it again. Even if it felt more 'controlled,' even if he was safe with Two and nothing could actually happen to him, he still stopped caring.
Two... he pleaded. In his state he was easily overwhelmed; just this thought challenged him too much. He felt Two squeeze him from behind again; it was always a comfort.
I know, Two said softly. I hated feeling like...
Ri understood in return. Two felt like the Two Ri had met - one who was withdrawn, aloof, and burnt from humanity's treatment of him. That scared him too, just like how feeling like XD2 scared Ri. This was all new; they had managed just the year before, they had managed before that even when Ri was less well than he was now. Ri knew why, but still... it confused him. It seemed like they should've been stronger and more able to deal with stuff like managing their gym, but now it felt like they couldn't deal with it as well.
... What changed? Ri asked.
... We grew, Two answered.
Ri didn't really want to talk about it anymore at the moment. It was just a relief that they came back this time - that they managed to withstand the day and remember that they cared. They waited for their friends - it seemed like one of their meals was heated up already, but they of course had to wait for the other one, too. Then - once the second one was done - they ended up waiting for a third and fourth, too, and they realized that Red and Blue hadn't eaten yet, either. It was alright, of course - that's why they stocked up on them - and it got Red and Blue back to them sooner. It didn't take too long, and soon, Red and Blue came out each holding a meal for Ri and Two and for themselves - and Blue holding a glass of water for Ri. Ri and Two begrudgingly sat up and accepted their meals, thanking their friends for their help and understanding. Once Red and Blue were settled down too, they turned on the TV and set up something to watch, choosing a series they had been watching together. It was a sort of crime drama-comedy with a detective and a Krokorok gangster-turned-good working together to solve crimes. They liked it because it was light and humorous and not too heavy or technical for Red or Blue, but it also kept Two thinking and Ri distracted. They felt the pokemon were depicted in it well, too; they all had personalities and proper roles to play in the story. It felt rather rare for pokemon to be so well-written that shows like this mattered a lot to Ri and Two. They ended up watching three 40-minute episodes, getting caught up in the narrative since they were starting to come to the end of a season. At the end of the third, though, they realized they were too exhausted to keep going. It was depressing - it wasn't that late for them and they wanted to keep up to be with their friends longer - but they admitted they needed to go to sleep and thanked Red and Blue for staying with them. They forced themselves to get up and prepare for bed, then cuddled once again in bed to go to sleep.
It didn't happen immediately, though. Even after being distracted, there was a lot on their minds. Somewhat removed from the day, they felt able to reflect on it, and it was really important to them to figure it out. Ri didn't know what to think of what happened, and now that he was relatively OK again, it bothered him that it had happened in the first place. They lied for a bit in silence, but Ri finally brought it up.
I don't know what to do, he admitted. Today was... he shuddered in Two's embrace. Even with how he felt he needed to reconcile things, he didn't really want to think about the day any longer. I don't think I can do that again, he commented, discouraged.
I don't think we should, Two agreed. It's become harmful and threatening to us.
But then...
Pokemonning the gym was how they supported themselves. Even with how generous their league had been - mostly because of Red, then Blue after him, they realized - they still had responsibility, and if they stopped pokemonning the gym altogether, there was no way the league could keep supporting them. Ri wondered if they could find anything else that was as forgiving with them, but he recognized that nobody at the league expected much from them.
I don't know, Two admitted in return.
The gym? Will we have to move? Ri asked. They partly ended up with the gym because they were living under it. Ri didn't know if their League would want the gym above them or if they'd let it just it close so Ri and Two could be in peace. In either case, Ri and Two didn't want to leave their home, and they didn't want to have to let someone else on their island, either.
I don't know, Two said.
How will we -
I don't know, Two said again.
Ri started to worry; all because of one miserable day, suddenly a lot of stuff that they had taken granted for years felt like it was all going to disappear. It made him sick; he just wanted to be safe and happy with Two. He didn't want to be miserable to live, he wanted to be able to enjoy himself and have fun. Of course, they had responsibilities - Ri always understood that, at least since recovering himself from Cipher - but Ri didn't want his responsibilities to nearly break him every time like the day they'd just spent in their gym almost did. He felt like he needed something to change, but it felt like everything else was going to change, too, and... it was more than he could deal with. Two having no idea what was going to happen either left him with nowhere to feel safe and secure, except that whatever happened, he assumed that Two would be there, too. And, he hoped... Red and Blue.
I - think you're worrying too far in advance, Two carefully said. We need to see how we feel in the morning, then from there we have to decide what to do, and after that, depending on what happens, we can worry about what's going to happen in the future.
I - Ri saw what Two was saying, but he still didn't know how to deal with all this. He curled up tightly to comfort himself, prompting Two to pull him closer and curl around him more tightly too.
It's... terrifying, Two admitted. But... I know I'm going to be with you, and I believe that somehow, we'll figure out how to be happy. Whether it's because the League continues being kind to us, or because we find some less-stressful way of supporting ourselves...
... OK, Ri said.
... In either case, I would fight to keep our home. This is our place, this is the only place I feel safe. I was created here, it's more my place than it is theirs. If... they want to keep the gym on top of it, they're going to have to fight through me to get it.
Two - Ri cried softly, calling to his mate to ground him. It was reassuring that Two seemed willing to fight to protect what they had, but at the same time, his quick defensiveness about it was alarming.
But... I'm getting ahead of myself too, Two realized, having heard Ri. He sighed, letting go of the thought for the moment and calming himself down. I don't know what's going to happen, he started again, but I feel we can't paralyze ourselves by worrying about it before it happens.
Then... what do we do? Ri asked. I can't - He thought of the idea of going up there to be a gym leader again; he couldn't even bring himself to say it.
We should... discuss with Red, Two suggested. He knows the League better than we do.
But... the gym? They'll expect it to open again, Ri pointed out, starting to worry about it again already.
We're allowed to open it whenever we want, Two asserted. If that's... not tomorrow, then it's not tomorrow. We can't worry about it; we need to worry about ourselves.
OK, Ri agreed. It made sense, he felt; they had to address what had happened today before they could consider what was going to happen next. He felt that if pokemonning the gym was suddenly so hard on them, they needed to withdraw to figure it out before they put themselves through it again. At the moment, it didn't feel like everything was going to fall apart anymore, it just felt like they had stuff to figure out, and Ri and Two both knew that their League and friends would give them space and even help them. Especially - Red and Blue would help and support them.
I think it's going to be OK, Two said, reassuring and comforting Ri.
... OK, Ri said, deciding to trust his mate and let go - at least for the moment. Thanks, he considered, thankful for his mate stepping in to help him... again.
Of course, Two said softly. I hope everything will be OK too, I don't know what's going to happen either. I -
Now, suddenly, Two was starting to get caught up in it, but he was better at Ri than stuff like this, so he caught himself again and pulled himself out of it. Ri sensed he mostly just didn't want to lose everything - other than Ri - that helped him feel safe and like a part of the world he lived in. Cinnabar was the only place he really had any connection to, and like Ri worried, the League could try to take it from them. He wanted to let go of the defensive pokemon he'd been before meeting Ri and helping him through Cipher, and Ri saw how all this happening threatened to bring that pokemon back again. Ri didn't want that to happen either; he wanted to stay with Two and learn how to be strong instead so they could be open together without worrying about being hurt. It was discouraging that this new thing popped up - like they'd been seeing a lot recently, growing was a lot more complicated than it seemed when they first promised each other that they'd grow for each other.
But, like Two had said, Ri saw that they couldn't get ahead of themselves. It all loomed over him, but he tried not to let it worry him; he trusted that the next morning, he'd wake up safe in his mate's arms like usual. Nothing was happening yet, and they had time to figure things out. That was a relief, and it helped him calm down. He realized he was falling asleep in the dark and quiet, but first -
Good night, he said, wanting to make sure he told Two before he fell asleep. I love you.
Good night, Two said back. I love you too.
This itself made Ri smile and helped him feel like everything was going to be OK. This time - he chose to trust that it was OK.
Ri and Two wake up one morning to face their responsibilities as gym leaders. As they go about their duties accepting trainers' challenges, they realize that their priorities have shifted since the last time they opened their gym, and because of it they find themselves out of their depth in their own gym.
So... Ri and Two are gym leaders, but I've never once written them accepting a gym battle. I figured it was time to fix that, so I wrote this (relatively) short story. It started to get a bit out of hand, though, as I considered the implications of all the things that Ri and Two have been learning since following Red to Pewter City several years ago already, by the time of this story. It's going to turn into another series, I think, taking place during the course of Red's journey around Kanto. I have other story ideas in mind, too, but too much is happening right now for me to work on multiple things at once. For now, I think I'm going to focus on the sequel to this one, then... hopefully later, I still feel motivated for the other ideas too!
Oh, and, as always, this story is available at Ao3, too, for pretty downloads!
- Ri
So... Ri and Two are gym leaders, but I've never once written them accepting a gym battle. I figured it was time to fix that, so I wrote this (relatively) short story. It started to get a bit out of hand, though, as I considered the implications of all the things that Ri and Two have been learning since following Red to Pewter City several years ago already, by the time of this story. It's going to turn into another series, I think, taking place during the course of Red's journey around Kanto. I have other story ideas in mind, too, but too much is happening right now for me to work on multiple things at once. For now, I think I'm going to focus on the sequel to this one, then... hopefully later, I still feel motivated for the other ideas too!
Oh, and, as always, this story is available at Ao3, too, for pretty downloads!
- Ri
Category Story / Pokemon
Species Pokemon
Gender Multiple characters
Size 50 x 50px
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