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It's been... too long, Two admitted.
This part of Ri and Two's home laid untouched for years. It was the lab behind the homier parts, hidden behind a door which allowed them to pretend it didn't exist except for the times they cut through the hallway to visit their practice gym. It went unrenovated, and it served mostly as storage for all the devices, beds, and stuff the scientists had left behind in the parts of the place they did live in. It was also a scary place for Two; it held his earliest, deepest, darkest memories. Ri and Two stood in front of the doorway to the room Two had been grown in - a place which Ri knew about but had never seen. He sometimes vaguely wondered about it, but he never wanted to push Two or make him uncomfortable. Now, though, Two started wondering about it himself as he started letting himself wonder - and hurt - about all the things he'd taken for granted up until and even while he mated Ri. Two didn't know who or what he was, and he didn't know what his place was in the world around him. It ate at him constantly, but he pushed it aside to be Ri's mate, then later to save Ri from Cipher and rehabilitate him to the best of his ability. As Ri started to grow and heal on his own, it started to overwhelm Two.
Finally, together, they were going to try to face it all.
Ri sensed Two's apprehension, but he saw his mate's determination and courage, too. He thought his mate was brave - Two was facing some of the most painful aspects of his past and his identity - and he wanted to help him withstand the pain and to enable him to grow like Two had stood by him unfalteringly to enable him to heal from Cipher. He cared; he was grateful to feel it so strongly and authentically for his mate.
In the quiet, though, as Ri watched and waited for Two to feel prepared, he looked around to prepare himself and to try to dampen the shock of entering into the place of Two's deepest vulnerabilities. It was cold and impersonal; the entire lab had been that way before Ri and Two took it over as their own. Somehow, the fluorescent lights above still beamed down on top of them in their characteristic color, shining down clinically on white floors and walls. The place had been preserved, but it hadn't been taken care of either; Ri and Two left pawprints behind them in the dust which had collected over many years. The place felt out of time, like it didn't belong, and it felt strange visiting it, like they were visiting a ghost town. Ri hated the term, but it felt like a "liminal space," some place which just felt... odd, without any particular reason. Ri knew there was a lot of history to it, but it didn't show any of it; it looked practically like it had when Blaine and his scientists had abandoned it decades prior. On top of it, Ri knew it had a lot of meaning to Two, too, which charged his understanding of the place and gave this visit a lot of importance. He looked back to the door in front of him; Two had been born behind it. It wasn't just the place where Two was grown and where he eventually broke out, it represented everything that tried to define who Two was, from his beginnings as a man-made pokemon to the intent for him to be a weapon - a tool - to be used by humanity to the way scientists had denied him any respect or honor or dignity as a living, breathing being. Even if Two accepted being man-made, forsook the purpose humanity had made him for, and forgave humanity for treating him like they owned him, this room and what happened inside defined how he saw himself and the world around him, leaving him with nothing else.
You're more than what they tried to force you to be, Ri said, in an attempt to remind Two that he didn't have to be defined by his origin. In response, Two sighed heavily, and took his time to say anything. Ri understood, but it didn't keep it from being hard on him that Two was having such difficulty.
I do not doubt you, Two said softly. But apart from you I do not know what I have if this place gives me nothing.
Ri appreciated that Two considered Ri a part of him and that he appreciated Ri's part in his life, but he felt bad that Two felt like there was nothing else. It fired off doubt and guilt in his mind - he had collapsed on Two, forcing him to put everything aside to prop Ri up - but Ri hoped he was able to prop himself up a little better, and he hoped that he was able to support Two again to help him face all this stuff.
This place... Two continued, I do not know how I have managed to live here longer than 20 years with it hiding within our own home.
Ri saw the meaning: Two had lived that long without facing all this stuff that the room represented.
I'm here to help now, Ri said weakly. You don't have to face it alone.
Ri felt Two reach for his paw and grab it; Ri nearly melted in the slight physical contact, understanding that Two needed it almost as much as he did. He wanted to hug Two, but he stopped himself, letting Two choose for himself what was appropriate at this moment.
Thank you, Two said. I'm so thankful you're with me.
I'm thankful to be able to help you, Ri said back weakly. He glanced up at his mate, and Two glanced back and they held it for a bit; they both knew what that meant. Ri had worked hard to reach this, and Two had sacrificed much to enable him to. It's time, Ri considered out loud, more strongly, for you to grow, too.
I love you, Two said.
I love you too, Ri said. I will love you no matter what happens here.
Thank you, Two said again. Ri just nodded; they didn't have to go over it again. Two looked back to the door, and Ri followed him, preparing himself to support Two. Two let go of him too; Ri missed being closer, but he understood. He just appreciated how open Two was being; he was able to help Two grow most easily when Two laid himself out cleanly.
I need to do this, Two reassured himself. We are looking forward as mates; you are looking forward as you heal. I... need to look forward, too. I need to learn not to look back. I must learn to... let go.
Ri was excited to heal and explore with Two, but... even understanding Two, he hadn't imagined it would be this difficult. Ri understood it wasn't this way, but it made it seem like he was rushing Two into all this by getting encouraged by pushing himself to heal.
You are with me, Two continued. With you...
Ri watched as Two steeled himself, then barged ahead into the room, opening the door with his mind. Ri followed behind him, anxiety mounting as he faced seeing something that even Two had never shown him before. He always trusted his mate - he'd mated Two believing he was a pokemon who authentically cared, after all - and he'd accepted all that time that this was something Two kept inside, even with their aura bond and co-codependent relationship, but it was scary, seeing something so personal to Two.
The room was dark - it was a shock after the bright hallway they'd just left - but Ri's eyes adjusted quickly enough. It stretched out ahead of them, much longer than it was wide, with rows of desks with ancient computers on them, surely all hooked up to watch some aspect of Two's development. It disgusted Ri; he understood that humans closely watched their own developing children, but it wasn't nearly so constant and specific and invasive as this array looked to be. And - at the end of the room against the wall was the main attraction, a large housing within which Ri presumed Two was grown in his tube, wires attached all over him. He stepped out into the room, starting down between the desks to take a closer look at them and the place his mate had been kept before he broke out.
... Be careful, Two said. There should still be glass everywhere.
Ri looked back at his mate and stopped in his tracks; he didn't want to keep Two from doing whatever it was he needed to by making him worry about him. When Two floated himself up and started toward the end of the room, though, Ri cautiously stepped over following him, making sure to avoid any glass, stopping before where he noticed it covering the entire floor. Shards were everywhere; he guessed Two shattered it easily. He wanted to be close to his mate, though, so he braved as far as he thought he could without hurting himself. He was able to turn around, and try and imagine, at least in a limited sense, what it felt like for Two to grow up in his tube, staring out at all the people watching him through glass and whatever fluid they kept him suspended in.
It... wasn't like that, Two said. It cut into Ri, but Ri understood; Two wasn't judging him for it or upset that he'd misread it. Ri just... couldn't understand. He sensed Two wanted to talk, but he waited for Two to feel ready.
I was barely aware, Two started. I sensed before I could see. Floating, I didn't feel anything. Weightless, my body kept at its own temperature. No hearing, smell, anything. What I could sense, I didn't understand. I had to piece together everything around me myself. The things I sensed from the humans? I had to figure out how they thought, how they communicated with each other, how they parsed the thoughts I sensed in their inner worlds into things they could share with others.
But - all I had was an inner world, and no way of knowing there was anything else outside of it except for the humans I was sensing. I... was not allowed to experience it for myself.
When I broke out, I didn't know I was expressing my inner world. Much less... I didn't know the people around me understood it. I didn't know I knew how to speak telepathically. I didn't know they were speaking to me - after all, why would they? I barely understood that the things I was hearing, seeing, experiencing were an external world outside of me. It was denied me up until then... how was I supposed to know what it was?
Two... Ri pleaded; he didn't like the things he was sensing from Two. He'd started calmly, but as he kept speaking, he turned more and more bitter and worked up. He knew Two held deep anger toward how he'd been treated until Red finally caught him, but... Two rarely expressed it like this. So openly, so directly as self-pity.
I figured it out quickly, Two said ironically. They... made me to be smart.
Two... Ri pleaded again, and this time he managed to get through. He looked at his mate; Two's scrunched up, angry face scared him.
Ri... Two said, looking down at him. He touched down, and Ri felt Two's arms around him. Safe - Two was still Two. He hugged Two back, unsure what to make of everything Two was saying.
I am thankful for what I have, Two said, much more calmly, but once again the edge came back in his voice. I... despise them for everything they didn't give me. Other pokemon get to have so much when they hatch. Love, caring parents, the ability to grow and develop as part of the world around them, knowledge and understanding of their place in it. Purpose. Identity. I was given power and intelligence... nothing else. I had to fight for everything others take for granted. I must... continue to fight. I was left to... struggle.
What Ri sensed scared him, even while in Two's careful, loving embrace. This was the bitter, hostile Two who terrorized Kanto and hated humanity and refused to care. Somehow Ri had worked his way inside - to reach the Two who did care - but aside from worrying about his mate closing up again, he worried for everyone else, too. The bitter Two had terrified Kanto until Red had managed to catch him; Ri knew it was a warranted response to his power.
I will fight, Two asserted, squeezing Ri a bit but lovingly. Even if I hate that I must.
I will help you, Ri said, trying to match his mate's determination but lacking the assertiveness Two had managed to show. I'm so... he didn't even want to finish that, and he left it up to Two to sense how he felt bad. But... I want to help you have everything.
You have given me so much, Two said. He broke down from his agitated state, remembering his mate, remembering all the things he had because Ri had chosen to trust him. A few of those things he listed: love, a person he belonged with, at least, and the ability to grow and claim for himself the other things he still needed to.
This is my innermost self, Two continued, a little while later. I... don't know what else I could show you. Giovanni's headquarters? I was made to be his tool, he tried using me like one, but I think what you see here summarizes it well enough.
Two... Ri said. This time, it wasn't pleading, it was sympathetic. He felt terrible for Two.
I'm... Two started, but he held himself back, sighing instead. Ri sensed why: he was sorry, but he didn't want to compare his situation to Ri's and wanted to respect that Ri's situation was miserable, too.
I will fight, Two said again. I will fight so I can be with you. I am your mate; you deserve my effort as much as you try for me. I'm... he faltered, because he'd just stopped himself from saying it, but it was for a different reason this time. I'm sorry, he said, that it's taken me so long to figure it out.
I...
Ri knew what he felt; Two had no reason to feel sorry for it. Ri felt he'd been worse; he felt like the reason Two had repressed all this in the first place, and he didn't feel great about it.
Ri... Two started, returning to the soft voice which comforted Ri and reminded him that Two was still there and in control. I... repressed of my own volition. First... to be with you, to grow, learn about the world despite everything that happened here. Then... to help you through what Cipher did to you. I'm your mate... I promised to protect you. I failed that, but I promised to stay with you... I will never abandon you. I will support you.
I needed to be stronger, Ri said. I needed to take responsibility of myself sooner. It wasn't fair of me to make you deal with me.
Ri... Two warned, but Ri shook his head into Two's chest.
No, you deserved more from me, Ri said, trying his best to push aside the doubt that hung in the back of his mind constantly. I'm thankful I finally figured it out, I needed to take myself into my own paws. Two seemed to accept it; he backed down. Ri understood; Two just didn't want him spiraling again. Ri could easily be self-destructive; Two was trying to remind him to manage it but Ri managed to be aware and was able to control himself. He regretted pulling Two out of his self-reflective mood, forcing him back into 'watch over Ri' mode, but he hoped that he managed to control himself enough so that it wasn't too hard on Two.
I need to learn how to manage myself too, Two said.
I will help you, Ri promised.
... Thank you, Two said, so much. You've grown so much... I want to follow you. I want to grow too. Thank you for enabling me.
He squeezed Ri again; Ri was grateful for the show of appreciation. Recovering from Cipher was long, painful, and hard; Ri didn't even feel nearly like he did before it happened, even years later. But... he felt he was in a place where he was able to manage himself - at least, he only had to fall back onto Two sometimes, or he hoped that when he did, he wasn't so destructive to himself or Two when he did so.
... Look around, Two said, after a pause. I should've shown you this place a long time ago. It's... yours as much as it is mine, now.
Ri regretted Two pulling away from him, but he understood the importance that Two was showing it to him, and he saw how meaningful it was that Two had opened up to show him. It was somewhat symbolic; it felt like Two was handing Ri the empty husk of a pokemon he'd been - the husk that still largely defined him. Ri sighed, understanding; he was responsible for taking care of that husk until Two figured out what belonged there instead. He hoped Two would feel comfortable and safe with Ri; Ri loved him and cared for him, and wouldn't judge him for exploring and making mistakes. All Ri wanted was for Two to feel comfortable and happy; he was only supportive of Two.
He looked around, trying again to visualize what it was like given the new stuff Two had told him. Two had been in the tube, separated from everything around him - Ri imagined growing up in an egg, left to decipher the world around him on his own. Two had been given nothing, not even help understanding the world around him - not even an understanding that there was a world outside of him. He had to figure it out himself. Ri felt bad for him; Two deserved to have a normal life regardless of how he had been born, but he'd been denied it. Ri understood how Two would be bitter about it; he was thankful Two had managed in any capacity to see beyond it, but he also saw how difficult it was for Two to get there too.
I thought that I could get past it by being your mate and pushing it back and forgetting about it, but clearly... there is more I must do.
Ri saw that it didn't sit well with him; Ri hoped that Two would be able to figure it out. He remembered, too; Two had been sullen before Cipher - at least, not outwardly happy. Not overtly and outwardly happy like Ri was. Ri still loved him and cared for him, but Two had been the quiet one who had difficulty being happy. Two somehow figured out how to be genuinely happy in the time Ri took to take ownership of himself since Cipher and Ri became the one who wasn't always outwardly happy, but Two clearly still had his own hangups and problems.
We'll figure it out, Ri said, softly.
Thank you for being here for me this time, Two said, equally softly. I don't have to figure this out alone... you're with me to help me.
Ri nodded; he didn't want Two to be alone anymore.
I... don't have answers, Ri qualified, but at least... I'm here to help you find them.
Two nodded in return. Thank you.
Ri let it be; they understood where they were starting. That had been the point of visiting. Facing the root of Two's miserableness and identifying what he needed to do to grow past it. They glanced at each other; facing all this was scary, but Ri hoped that it would enable Two to be more genuinely happy and to feel like he had a place. That place was at Ri's side, but Ri couldn't help him beyond accepting him and being there to love him and care for him. Two needed more than that... like how Ri realized he needed to take charge of his own growing for Two's sake - that he couldn't depend on Two solely for learning to be a strong, resilient pokemon again - Ri saw that Two recognized that he couldn't make Ri fill in for everything he was missing because of his past. Ri wanted to help him figure it all out, of course, but Two needed to grow to be able to be a part of Ri's life - and to involve Ri in his - without making Ri the sole thing in it.
Two sighed; Ri was happy to see him let go of something a little bit. Ri understood; it was hard for someone to take down walls that they were very used to putting up to protect themselves.
I am a pokemon who doesn't have a place, Two admitted. Or a family, or an identity. I have you, but otherwise I have nothing. He seemed sad about it; Ri saw how difficult it was for Two.
It... doesn't have to stay like that, Ri offered. You don't have to settle for it.
But I need to accept it to move on, Two said. I can't pretend it's going to go away by itself anymore. I need to be OK with where and who I am.
You're...
Your mate, Two finished. Two gave Ri a quick hug; Ri was happy he appreciated the sentiment.
Always, he continued. But that doesn't leave me with much more.
...
... we'll have to figure it out together, Two recognized out loud. Ri only nodded; he felt bad he didn't have anything he could say. He was thankful Two seemed OK, at least - or, at least, less bad than he did before.
Ri watched as Two mulled over everything he'd said in his mind. He had very little he could offer; Two was made to be a weapon, but he forsook that. Objectively, he was one of the most powerful pokemon in existence, but they both recognized that that that was a very dangerous road to follow. It was something that was amazing for Two to have and he could be grateful, but he couldn't define himself using it. It led lots of bad places very quickly. He was Ri's mate, but aside from being a pokemon who loved Ri, it didn't seem like that gave him much to go on.
As Two thought it over, Ri saw how hard it was on him. He watched his mate break down until finally, Two collapsed onto Ri. He started bawling; Ri recognized it was the pain he'd tried deflecting with anger and bitterness before. Ri saw how it happened: how miserable it was that Ri and Two together couldn't even come up with anything to help solve all these things that weren't even Two's fault.
I wish I were normal, Two cried. I wish I didn't have to fight for everything everyone else takes for granted. I - Two shuddered, hating the thought of it - hate the people who gave me life but nothing else.
Ri felt miserable; not for anything he did or couldn't do but because he felt bad for Two's own misery and anguish. He felt helpless to do anything; he just hugged Two back, trying his best to be comforting and accepting, hoping Two understood his sympathy and empathy.
People think they want this, Two said, an edge of spite in his voice. He let it go, again, and fell apart again. They don't know what they're asking for.
Two... Ri called out. It wasn't for any particular reason; he just wanted to ground Two and comfort him. It was something Two did quite often for Ri; Ri was at a loss for how else he could try to get through to Two. He tried thinking about what Two had said, deciding to let Two cry it out for a little while. They were aware of people who coveted Two's strength, people on other worlds who made Mewtwo OCs who abused their power to control others, or reveled in using it to overpower others, or else there were people who idolized Mewtwo's 'heartless'ness, thinking him 'cool' for being so 'badass' or whatever. They were almost as bad as the scientists were; they only saw the aspects of Mewtwo that they cared most about and refused to acknowledge that Mewtwo was an entire person, not just a bitter, heartless monster.
They see your power but nothing else, Ri said softly.
I am - Two stopped in his tracks. Ri sensed what he was going to say, and why it made him stop. "I am not that sort of pokemon," Two was about to say, and it was a direct assertion answering, in part, his question of who he was. It was a surprise to Ri but at the same time it wasn't; it was immediately apparent to him even if he hadn't thought of it before.
You're a pokemon who owns your past, you refuse to let it make you into a pokemon who abuses your power, Ri said.
... That's a start, Two said, sighing. Ri let Two collect himself, now that he'd had a chance to express the pain he felt.
You care, Ri offered. You're here because you care.
I do, Two repeated. I care.
That seemed to be a comfort to Two. He seemed to like being a pokemon who cared.
I would rather be a pokemon who hurts because he cares than one who does not hurt and does not care.
Ri nodded into Two's chest; he agreed wholeheartedly. Two squeezed him yet again, apparently finding comfort in Ri's encouragement.
You showed me I could care, Two said. You were the first one who... truly cared for me.
Ri remembered. Two hadn't seemed lovable, at least on the outside. Ri had been able to see inside, though, and chose to care for Two because he could see that Two was a pokemon who had been burned by people. Other people seemed to think Two was the way he was 'just because that's who he was,' but Ri saw that it was because he'd been abused and taken advantage of and didn't know there was more than that.
Even after all this time...
Ri saw where Two was going; he didn't want Two to go there. Two felt bad taking this long to reach taking ownership of his own hurt; Ri didn't want him to do the same sorts of things Ri did to him.
Please, Ri pleaded.
... OK, Two said. I will try to let it be.
I wasn't... ready, anyway, Ri said, faltering himself.
We're here now, Two said, squeezing him. That's what matters.
Ri nodded once again. With it, Two seemed better; more intact, happier.
I am a Mewtwo, Two said, finally. I don't know what that means, but I know I'm not a Mew, and I am a pokemon who cares. I was made, but that does not stop me from trying to have a normal life like everyone else. I - never believed it did. I am your mate, and together we are learning to be bartenders. I don't know what that means, but... I'm excited to learn.
I am too, Ri said.
They stood for a short while. Ri let Two take his time taking everything he'd said in; he needed to let it sit and take ownership of it. It was a good place, Ri thought, but Two needed to get used to it.
... Do you want to try some more? Two offered. It sounded good to Ri, but first he wondered about their friends, who were sitting anxiously in the living room waiting for them.
Shouldn't we check in with Red and Blue first?
... we should, Two agreed, sounding a bit disappointed.
Then yeah! Ri offered. He sensed Two smile; it was amazing for Two to be happy.
I'm excited, Two said.
I am too, Ri agreed.
They finally released each other. Ri looked up to his mate; poor Two had fairly visibly cried, tears dampening the fur on his face. Two sniffled; Ri thought it was adorable. He wanted to help Two, make it so that he didn't have to hurt so much. He recognized, though, that he couldn't pick Two up himself; he wasn't able to, anymore, and a lot of the stuff Two had to figure out, Ri couldn't answer himself. It was up to Two to put himself together, like Ri realized it was up to him to put himself together. Ri hoped it wouldn't be too painful for them, but at the end of it, he hoped they could be more open, secure, and happy. At least... Two could be open with Ri. And... while their friends had let them deal with this by themselves, they could go back and show them and be accepted. He looked forward to trying more cocktail stuff; they hadn't played with it much since buying the supplies since they'd been preoccupied with other stuff. Now, though, Ri hoped that they were in a clear state of mind where they could enjoy it and experiment with it without being sidetracked and bothered by stuff. He was excited to share it with Two, and was happy that Two was excited to share it with him.
I suppose we should face them, Two said.
... Yeah, Ri agreed.
Two sighed; even if he trusted Red and Blue, it could still be hard facing them. Two wasn't easily open; he had to try harder with them than he had to with Ri.
They understand, Ri said softly, and... I don't think they'll pry too much.
Two nodded. We've shown them worse, he said.
Yeah... Ri agreed.
Two sighed again. Let's go.
OK, Ri agreed. He led his mate out of the room, back through all the computers and out the door. It was good to see the place, but Ri was happy to be out; he didn't need to immerse himself in the triggers and circumstances that caused Two so much pain. He waited for Two outside, and Two paused a moment, turning around to look inside again. He sighed once more, and took the doorknob to close it, but he paused.
I... guess it doesn't make sense to leave it open, he said.
I guess not, Ri agreed.
It doesn't have to mean it's locked inside of me again. I... don't want it there anymore.
I understand, Ri said. He saw how Two didn't like closing the door, but at the same time, he understood that if they weren't around, it didn't really matter how the door was.
I guess... Two closed it, but left it ajar; it seemed like a happy in-between.
I don't need to pretend it doesn't exist anymore, Two said.
Yeah, Ri agreed.
With that, they turned around, returning to the comfort of their home. They interfaced with Red and Blue, integrating with them in their minds before making themselves physically present. After an emotional roller coaster, it was good to have a moment to settle themselves, especially for Two. They went out to the living room where Red and Blue were waiting, then sat on the couch across from the TV. Ri sat in Two's side as Two leaned against the arm of the couch; it let them be close without entwining into each other to become one mass of fur.
"So..." Red started carefully, "how was it?"
It was... hard, Two said, awkwardly. Ri could feel how tense he was; he felt bad for him.
"I... sensed," Blue said. The admission seemed to bother Two, but they knew beforehand that they couldn't keep it from him, so they just let it be.
We figured some stuff out, Ri offered, trying to explain for Red but trying also to respect Two's preference to not be too detailed.
"How are you guys now?" Red asked.
OK, Two said.
"Do you mind - explaining?" Blue asked. Ri glanced at Two, worried that the request would be hard on Two.
Explaining... Two drew out, trying for himself not to make presumptions.
"Your birth," Blue said.
With that, Ri sensed Blue just wanted the facts. He realized that Blue didn't really know how Two was made. He knew so many Mewtwo, but none of them had explained to him their origins. Two seemed to realize too, and he relaxed, at least as much as he was comfortable. Two didn't seem happy about it, but he sighed, apparently willing to go through it.
I am man-made, you know that, but unlike the Mewtwo from your world, I was... cloned from a living Mew. His DNA was modified before I even existed; I was never a Mew, only Mewtwo. His DNA was modified and then recombined to produce a viable embryo, which they grew in a tube filled with synthetic amniotic fluid. As soon as I was developed enough, they connected me to a host of sensors to monitor my development. I - don't know how many times they tried.
The thought was troubling to Two - he didn't seem to want to think about how many dead brothers and sisters he had. He pressed on, though.
They left me to grow by myself, unaware or... uncaring that I was conscious, aware, and intelligent. They monitored me like an experiment instead of a living, growing being.
I had to figure out how to understand them myself, and when I did, what I saw showed that... I meant nothing. When I finally became conscious, that's all I knew. I did not want to be contained anymore - I became aware of a world outside of me and I wanted to experience it. I - accidentally killed everyone in the room when I escaped. Everything was new, but I ran, unaware that I was floating or speaking or using any sort of power at all.
"All in that room?" Blue asked.
Yes, Two said.
It... seems, Blue started, that the Mewtwo they made turned out good.
... Thanks, Two said. He shifted around next to Ri; Ri felt Blue's comment wasn't as comforting as he'd intended. Ri felt the same way Blue did though; he appreciated Two's soft fur, and apart from the literally skin-deep he appreciated Two's soft, caring temperament when he felt comfortable showing it.
"Even I didn't..."
I wasn't quick to want to let you know, Two said, answering Red's allusion that he didn't know either. You caught me... until more recently, I didn't feel much for you beside... respect.
"You respected me?" Red asked.
You... respected me, Two said back. You did not use me, you did not take advantage of me even though you managed to overpower me.
"You were... just a pokemon to me."
I would do a lot just to be a pokemon, Two said, seriously, staring into Red to get his point across.
"I..."
I understand, Two said. You are our friends now. I... have let you understand more completely.
Ri saw how Two avoided saying 'opened up' even though that's what he meant. Blue seemed to get it, but it went over Red's head. Two was being rather awkward with Red and Blue. Ri understood; it was harder for him to be open with them, and he was a little raw from the emotional outbursts he'd shared with Ri before.
We see how you are with Ri, Blue said. We understand too.
I... thanks, Two said, awkwardly.
"You're our friends too," Red said.
We... appreciate it, Two said. Red and Blue nodded, and, thankfully, the interaction seemed to be over. Ri checked in with Two quickly, seeing how he felt; the short discussion had brought back stuff Two had wanted to let go for the moment, but he seemed to manage it. He got lost in it, though; Ri remembered they'd meant to do other things.
Hey - he called, carefully trying to pull Two's attention away.
Yeah? Two said, looking to him, pulling out of it.
Didn't we want to try some cocktail stuff? Ri offered.
Yeah, Two said.
"Making more alcohol?" Blue asked.
Yeah, Ri affirmed.
"Can I help?" Blue asked.
"Might be fun to watch," Red offered.
Ri checked in with Two first, seeing how he felt. Unlike the emotional unload of earlier, it seemed like making drinks was something Two didn't have a problem sharing with Red and Blue.
I guess, Ri offered.
"Cool," Red said.
Ri got up, and led his mate and friends to the dining room where they had room to gather around to chill and Red and Blue could watch as Ri and Two played around with alcohol. It was a new hobby Ri and Two were trying out based on Two's suggestion, driven by a need to find some way they could support themselves after shutting down the gym. Ri liked coffee - brewing it, tasting it, enjoying its flavors and the art it took to extract them - but the idea of a pokemon making coffee didn't seem marketable, so he agreed to try mixing drinks instead as it had a similar type of 'art' of combining flavors. Ri and Two both were excited to try it, but since they visited the liquor store and stocked up on supplies, they had been preoccupied until Two mustered the courage to go into the lab with Ri. Ri was thankful Two managed it; he recognized that it was holding Two back and that it would've been hard on him not to be able to do it. Instead, Two seemed a little encouraged, which Ri was happy to share and reflect back at him as they tried out this new interest.
They started by gathering their supplies and trying the remaining bottles of whiskey and vodka that they hadn't opened yet. It was an important step; Ri and Two needed to understand the basic ingredients that they were working with. Then, they paused to watch a video or two on how to build drinks professionally. They usually liked written guides they could read through at their own pace, but they learned they appreciated the visual aid of a video when they researched before going out to the liquor store. To practice, Ri built a couple simple drinks, getting the actions into his mind so he could start to internalize them. Then, since he had them as references, he showed Two how to make them, since Two needed to be able to do it all too, even if he didn't want to drink any of it. Ri compared the drinks Two made to the ones he made, which helped him get a sense for how important balance was between all the different elements, and also helped him guide Two since Two couldn't taste anything he was making. It helped him internalize further too, since even though Two could sense him, to explain it he had to churn it about in his mind to be able to relate it back outward.
Once they both had a couple chances to make drinks, they discussed the process for a bit, considering how it felt doing it as pokemon. Everything they did was very paws-on, which wasn't a problem for a human or for Two and his telekinesis but it was somewhat difficult for Ri and his limited aura powers and relatively clumsy paws. He could manage, but he was also furred all over. He didn't mind if he accidentally got a bit of fur into his drinks when he was making them for himself, but they couldn't let that happen if they were serving drinks to a ton of humans, so they spent a bit of time trying to streamline the process and keep it sanitary. On top of that, they felt they needed to develop show-pokemon-ship, since watching the videos showed them that ordering a drink was as much about presentation and the experience of it as much as it was having something tasty to drink. They also considered how to do things quickly and safely, and were already thinking about how to scale keeping up supplies to the level where they could easily keep stocked serving tons of drinks in a night.
After that, Ri tried something new with the vodka and some of the liqueurs they'd gotten. One of them was called a "White Rushin'," a drink which mixed together alcohol, coffee liqueur, and cream for an alcoholic iced coffee. It interested him because it mixed his interest in coffee with this new interest he was trying to develop. The drink itself didn't seem too special to him, but he was sure there were other things he could do with the coffee liqueur when he and Two felt confident enough to explore making their own new drinks. It also allowed him to try a new technique - 'floating' a liquid on top of another so that the result was a layered drink where each of the ingredients were distinctly separate. He encouraged Two to try making one to try floating, but after that they let off, and Ri and Blue made sure to drink a lot of water to try to fight the tendency of the alcohol to dehydrate them. They were, apparently, immune to the alcohol's effects and poisoning, but they didn't want to push it, so they backed off before it felt like they were drinking egregious amounts of alcohol.
It was a great time - Ri greatly enjoyed sharing the experience with his mate and having fun with him. It was practically effortless to spend time with Two like this - even if Two thought too far ahead and did something he shouldn't, it wasn't a problem, Ri could lightly tease him and didn't have to worry about hurting Two. Two easily understood what Ri wanted him to do when he reigned himself in to listen, and they were able to discuss and even (nearly) argue about how they should run the bar without getting worked up or properly upset. It was easy for Ri to live with Two; that was part of why Ri wanted to grow and wanted to help Two grow. So it would be easier for him and Two to be together and comfortable in a greater variety of circumstances.
After, they collected in the living room to rest and recoup. Having fun like that was amazing, but Ri and Two learned that they needed to let themselves come down from it and sometimes they had to recede a little to calm down and gather themselves. Cuddling closely on their couch, they could at least spend some quiet time together without excluding Red and Blue. They were able to lie there with their guards completely down without worrying about being bothered by their friends; they greatly appreciated feeling safe in Red and Blue's presence.
I wonder about the bar, Two poked, after he and Ri both felt settled down and were able to let their minds wander to other things.
... Yeah? Ri asked. The way Two sounded and with what Ri sensed from him - Ri prepared to have a little more of a difficult discussion again.
... We can barely handle ourselves and being with our friends, Two commented. I am excited about the idea of mixing drinks and doing it for a living, but the idea of a bar full of people is... overwhelming.
- You're sounding a bit like me, Ri poked, meaning to lightly tease Two. Two didn't seem to take it as lightly as Ri intended, but Ri was thankful Two didn't seem hurt by it.
... I'm not much unlike you, Two said. If anything... somehow you're the one who's more able to deal with the people.
... I understand, Ri said. He settled down to think about it seriously as it clearly bothered Two. The idea of it overwhelmed him, too; he and Two were barely able to deal with one stranger, and they had to figure out how to be able to handle many at a time.
I don't know, Ri continued.
I suppose this is what we're trying to figure out now, Two offered.
Yeah, Ri agreed. I don't know if... it's a good idea for us to think about it too much now. They were starting to overthink, he thought; with how they were, it led pretty easily down spirals.
Just... I - never thought I would end up here.
Ri understood. Two had just taken ownership of himself, and was trying actively to change his life rather than coasting along like he and Ri had been for years. It was exciting, but it was scary too, and they couldn't know where it was going to take them.
I'm - Two seemed to be having difficulty; Ri nuzzled up against him to try to comfort him and help him - happy - that I managed what I did in the lab. I'm happy that I'm trying to grow. But... it is overwhelming. I... don't know where to begin, and I do not see how this path will enable me to, one day... be the sort of pokemon who can own a bar with you.
... Two, Ri called. He felt bad for poor Two; Two was much more prospective than he was. Ri didn't even know where he was going to end up - he hoped now that it was with Two and managing a bar - but what empowered him was wanting to improve for Two, and he didn't need to try to guess where that path took him. Two was looking ahead at the possibilities, though - from succeeding in full to succeeding in part but not being able to have exactly what he wanted to... failing and ending up worse than he started. It overwhelmed him, leaving him unsure what to do and how to go about it.
We start small, Ri suggested. We need to piece together whatever we can, then move on to the next step when we're ready.
I suppose so, Two agreed. I... don't know where that first step is.
We'll figure it out, Ri tried comforting him.
... Much less do I know how it will lead where we want to be in 3 years.
... It'll lead where it leads, Ri suggested. I'm - sorry I can't help you like this. Ri'd promised he'd help - he wanted to help - he felt bad that he felt unable to.
I'm... Two seemed to see what was happening. Ri sensed him try to let it go, and Ri tried to pull himself together to be more helpful.
I'm excited, Ri said, for... wherever we'll be in 3 years. I'm excited to learn about mixing drinks too... we can see later if we're able to do it to keep ourselves alive. We don't have to figure out both at once. If we end up managing to keep a bar... I would love to be able to enjoy it with you.
I want to enjoy that with you, Two asserted.
That's - a start, Ri offered. I want to enjoy it with you, too.
Two curled up around Ri, apparently comforted by the thought.
I guess... like you say, we'll have to figure out how to get there, Two decided.
Yeah... Ri agreed.
Just... I never...
Two sighed. Ri sensed him try to reset himself; he felt bad this was all being hard on Two.
Thank you, Two said, for enabling me. For... being my mate, for... loving me. Without it...
Ri sensed Two didn't want to think about it.
I - love you, Ri said. He wasn't really sure what to say, since Two had already mentioned it, but it felt to him like the best thing he could say.
I love you too, Two said. I understand.
Two curled up around Ri harder; this was an odd, relatively novel place to be. Ri felt suddenly a bit like the Ri who had been able to be stronger to support Two, before Cipher, before he fell apart. He remembered how Two had been before... he'd been a lot more like this. He thought about how Two had been while rehabilitating Ri after Cipher... it wasn't like this. Two had mentioned it before in the lab, but this made it apparent to Ri, and I made him want to hate himself for making Two repress all this like that to help him.
Two... Ri said, overwhelmed by thinking about how difficult it must've been for Two to pull himself together to help Ri.
Please don't, Two warned. Two's mental attitude seemed to flip on a dime; it shocked Ri how easily he could... force Two back into that mindset. He... didn't want to do that anymore. It didn't make Ri feel good, but he tried to let it go. He understood; he had no right to try knowingly or not to make Two regret doing his best to help Ri - like he had promised when they had mated. And - he recognized that they were improving - that they were both healing from that and growing out of it. He couldn't endanger it by being unable to let it be in the past where it belonged.
Just... I'm sorry, Ri admitted. I'm... here now.
Thank you, Two accepted. Ri was thankful Two seemed to see; it was important for Ri to mention and communicate how he recognized and felt bad it was hard on Two. He didn't want to be that way anymore - it was a large part of his motivation for trying to be better. And thank you for enabling me now.
... Yeah, Ri said. It was awkward, but Ri hoped it communicated how OK he was with things, how he didn't hold anything against Two and was trying not to hold himself responsible for being hard on Two when he needed to rely on Two.
I love you too, Two reiterated, softly. He sighed; Ri was happy he seemed to be settling down again. If... I'd failed you instead...
...
Ri didn't really know what to say, and Two realized he was going too far.
That didn't happen, Two asserted, sighing once again. We're here now.
We're - out of it, Ri suggested again. Thinking too much about it.
He felt Two nod around him. We need to distract ourselves, Two suggested, following along.
It sounded like a good idea to Ri; they needed a little bit of time to get used to where they were before they searched out the next step. They couldn't rush healing; they needed to take it as they were ready.
This stuff is important, though, Ri qualified. He didn't want to completely dismiss what Two was feeling and dealing with; he wanted to recognize that it mattered and that it meant Two was preparing to grow.
Like you said, Two offered, we'll take it when we're ready. I can't - let myself get ahead of myself.
Ri nodded; the back of his head rubbed against Two's soft chest fur.
Once again, Two sighed, but it seemed final this time, like Two was properly letting go rather than just buckling under the weight of everything that was on his mind.
Yeah, Two agreed, we should try to do something.
Regrettably, he released Ri and stretched himself, but at least Ri was happy that they managed that together. He stretched himself out too, feeling ready to integrate with Red and Blue again.
I - care, Two said, though, interrupting Ri's change of mindset. I'll... start with that. I know I am a pokemon who cares. I know that I care for you; I will try to figure out what else I care about too.
OK, Ri said. He saw how comforting that thought was to Two; he was happy Two had managed to figure it out in the lab. With how hard Two tried to forsake and leave behind everything that others had tried to make him be, it was great that Two had something that he could choose for himself that mattered for him. It was a start, Ri agreed, and he wanted to help Two figure everything else out from there.
He left it there though, as they'd agreed already to move on. They'd left their friends sitting and waiting, doing nothing, and they'd already moved, signaling that they were resurfacing and ready to interact again. Ri sensed them excitedly come to their own senses, perking up now that they didn't have to try not to bother Ri and Two anymore. They had seemed to be trying to entertain themselves in the meantime, at least; Red had his laptop and Blue was sitting with a book. Ri glanced at Two; Two seemed encouraged, so it felt like a good time to have some casual fun.
"Ah, you guys are finally alive again," Red dryly teased. "We were starting to wonder if we should check you for pulses."
"I sensed, at least," Blue offered. "Tried to - keep out."
We understand, Ri said back. Did you guys at least... manage to keep yourselves busy?
"I decided to try more reading," Blue answered. "I'm a lot better than I used to be, but sometimes I still come across words I don't get immediately."
It was like that for us too, Two offered. At least - for me, he admitted, embarrassed.
"Not Ri?" Blue asked. Ri caught his inquisitive look; it reminded him how little he tended to talk about what his life was like before he mated Two.
I was already fluent in our language, Ri explained. It just happened to be the same as the one on the world I left.
Blue seemed interested to hear more, but Ri was happy he didn't bring it up. It was a little difficult getting used to him being able to sense, but at the same time, it helped them to get along a bit, too, as Blue didn't always have to guess and infer what Ri and Two felt from how they acted like Red did.
"I was researching stuff on my laptop," Red offered. "I was - starting to wonder about my gym challenge."
Ri guessed what Red was thinking about: the state of his challenge now that their gym was closed. He knew Red supported them shutting down the gym, but it had been a bit of a sore point given that he had been able to be officially accepted as a Challenger mostly because Ri and Two were gym leaders. They had been assured when they visited the Champion that Red would be able to continue his challenge, but there was more to it: Ri and Two were worried about how Kanto would react to the League closing Cinnabar Gym permanently. While Ri and Two had closed their gym down temporarily until the League made their official statement, it was rather common and practically expected of them to shut down their gym for an extended period during the season. They expected the official statement very soon though, and expected trainers to be unhappy about it. Whether the sentiment would spread to the general public, Ri didn't know, but the League had suggested they keep quiet for a while once the gym was officially closed. Red still wanted to continue his Challenge, though, and Ri understood that it would be rough for him to have to hold it off for a couple months, especially when they tended to be relatively slow to bring themselves to face visiting a new gym even normally.
Ri wondered too about the personal stuff he and Two were trying to figure out. Two'd just accepted responsibility of himself after spending several days paralyzed by his habit of repressing his own problems and by his nervousness to take charge and face the pain of his past. It was big, Ri felt, and it accompanied his own need to grow to be able to support Two through this new phase in his life. He looked to his mate for a moment - he thought Two was an incredible pokemon - but as Two had mentioned Ri taking charge of his own healing had incentivized him to try it himself, Ri worried that Two would charge ahead of him, leave him behind, and not be able to pull him up with him. It was - honestly - kind of scary to Ri, too. He wanted a little bit of time to settle down before pushing on ahead again.
- Ri, Two said, apparently noticing what was going through Ri's mind. Two hugged him close; Ri felt reassured by it. He trusted that Two would stick with him, but... he couldn't help being insecure, too, no matter how much he hated being hard on Two because of it. At least - Two sounded calm, and the closeness they shared reassured Ri that Two wanted it to stay that way - that he wanted it to grow as they grew together.
I... want time to settle down, Ri admitted.
Going with Red on his Challenge might help with that, Two pointed out.
Yeah, but - it usually ends up being hard on us when we do. And - the gym, Ri countered.
... At least until they make the announcement, there's nothing to worry about.
Ri agreed, but he also wondered when they were going to do it. It had been several days; he and Two had expected it to happen already. And... if they waited even a day, they couldn't be sure that they would hold off so Ri and Two would feel safe.
"I get that you guys want to be careful, but I can't wait forever to challenge Vermilion."
"Couldn't... Red just go alone?" Blue wondered out loud.
Safety in numbers, Two said.
Also - we want to support him and follow him along, Ri admitted.
"I need them to help me travel, anyway. Couldn't get off Cinnabar without their help."
"I can -"
We - Ri started protesting, but he caught himself quickly. He recognized what was happening; this wasn't as much about Red and Blue being able to go out by themselves, it was more about Ri and Two's practical separation anxiety letting them go. Ri shrank into himself; the feeling was partly because Ri and Two wanted to protect Red and Blue, but with difficulty, Ri had to admit that he wanted to protect himself and Two from losing the two friends they cared most about.
I don't know, Ri said instead, with difficulty.
"... I don't really want to travel without you guys anyway," Red said. "Just... try to figure it out for me, at least."
... OK, Ri said. He nuzzled into Two, feeling weird; they had never before considered the stuff they'd just realized now.
I... never thought of it that way, Two said, seemingly as shocked as Ri was.
Red sticks with us so much -
And we don't let Blue do anything by himself, Two recognized.
Mostly, what hit Ri was the panic he felt at the idea of losing Red or Blue. He had no idea how to feel about it; he was mated to Two. Two was the one he felt he couldn't live without, but suddenly together they were panicking over the idea of Red and Blue going away. They knew how much Red and Blue meant to them - they were Ri and Two's closest friends, after all - but feeling like this alarmed Ri especially, making him wonder if they were holding Red and Blue back or being possessive of them.
We need to ask about it, Ri asserted toward Two.
... Yeah, Two agreed.
Guys? Ri asked, mustering the courage to speak up.
"Yeah?" Red and Blue responded.
Do we - Ri choked up, having difficulty admitting it - keep you guys from being... yourselves?
"Guys -" Red warned.
It's important, Two asserted.
"No, you don't get to do this to us!" Red asserted more forcefully. "We're here because we want to be here; if we wanted to leave, we'd leave! At least -" Red qualified "- I would. Trust that - we can... handle ourselves a little better than you guys can."
Red's outburst terrified Ri; it had been a long time since they'd done something to make him upset like that. Ri didn't know if it was fair or not; he and Two were worried about it because they genuinely cared. It had been mean, too - Red had directly called them out for not being able to handle themselves. It hurt, but Ri had to admit he wasn't wrong; it didn't hurt so much for Red to blatantly point out something that was true anymore. They'd learned it was just Red stating facts, not necessarily a judgement of those facts. He felt guilty, though, and he didn't like feeling guilty for something that, to him, felt genuinely like him and Two being caring and sensitive to the pokemon around them.
We - Ri tried defending himself, withering under Red's intense demeanor.
We can help not being able to manage being insecure, but don't yell at us for being caring despite those insecurities , Two snapped, quickly growing defensive to protect himself and Ri.
"You don't get to turn this around on me again, either!"
"- Red! Two! Ri!"
Blue's outburst shocked everyone else into silence. Ri shrunk into Two as much as he could; everyone getting worked up easily overwhelmed him.
"You guys are all kind of right and kind of wrong. Whether Ri and Two were right to question us, I don't know, but I sensed they asked because they cared. I sense it bothers you, Red, but I don't think this is fair.
"Is it worth it to rip each other apart over what was originally just a misunderstanding?" Blue challenged. In the silence after, Ri couldn't help but feel miserable; he hated being the cause of such unrest in their friends. At least Two held him close; it helped to ground him.
"... No," Red said, apparently backing down. "But we need to stick up for ourselves too, when we need to, Blue. Sometimes they don't see when they aren't being fair to us."
"I don't think they deserved this when they tried to be caring. Ri feels miserable, and Two feels betrayed. They feel safe with us; we need to respect that too."
Blue - don't take it upon yourself to expose our thoughts and emotions. Let us converse upon our own terms, Two reprimanded.
"I -" Blue said, faltering now that he was caught in the crossfire.
"Guys," Red warned, sounding upset again.
We appreciate your help, Ri said, we're thankful you interrupted us and tried to validate everyone. After that... even though we sense, we need to let the pokemon around us figure it out themselves from there.
"I - just wanted..."
Now Blue seemed miserable too, and Ri felt beyond terrible.
I -
Even Two was out of it; they were all smarting now. It didn't feel great; they were all supposed to be friends. It seemed like... this stuff shouldn't happen. Ri supposed it was like Blue had said: they misunderstood what they were saying, then Red misunderstood it from them, then Blue overshot trying to help smooth things out before Ri, Two, and Red really got upset at each other. Ri really didn't want things to be this way; he felt he almost regretted whatever it was that had led to this regardless of who was at fault. He sensed it from Two, too; regret for snapping at their friends.
We're - sorry, Ri said, bringing himself to say it for Two too. We didn't want something like this to happen.
"You guys are out of it today," Blue offered weakly. "You weren't feeling totally... normal."
"I'm... sorry too," Red said, slightly roughly. "Blue was right, I got... ahead of myself." He seemed perturbed; he was clearly still rather upset.
"I'm - also sorry," Blue said. "I just wanted to... help. I sensed what was happening, I didn't think it was right."
... Thank you, Two said, with apparent difficulty.
"You saved us a lot of pain," Red admitted, apparently settling back down a bit.
We... overreacted too, Ri admitted. Just... we've gotten caught in the middle before, and it's... hard, when you can sense, to know how to help.
Ri and Two tried to settle down again; it was beyond difficult. They were just left thinking over what had just happened. They'd gotten in a mindset, and questioned themselves because of it, and started to question Red and Blue because of it, too. In hindsight, Ri felt he could see how it wasn't really right to wonder about, but at the same time, he and Two had wondered because they cared. It was a hard situation.
And Red... like Red, hadn't seen the whole nuanced picture. Or, at least - he wasn't able to deal with it as delicately as he'd needed to. Ri painfully admitted Red wasn't wrong either, but he wished Red didn't have to be so hurtful asserting it.
Then Blue - Ri was thankful that Blue had stood up for him and Two. He'd tried being fair when Ri, Two, and Red were all getting worked up because they felt that their own genuinely OK thoughts and feelings weren't being validated. He'd gone too far, though, and started trying to put things back together when it was, ultimately, up to Ri, Two, and Red to do that themselves. Ri understood; he'd gotten caught trying to mediate others before. He understood how it was hard being caught between friends, and seeing that they both weren't being fair toward each other. He understood Blue's motivation to try to stop it, and appreciated his bravery to assert it, but he also needed delicacy. He was dealing with pokemon whose thoughts and feelings were personal and closely guarded and who were jealous of their own self-will; he'd needed to back off when he managed to catch them all off-guard to realize that both they and the other party were valid.
On top of it - Ri still cared about Red's desire to challenge Vermillion, and he cared about his and Two's fragile composure. It took a while, in the silence after all that for the sentiment to turn in his mind from being scared about Two's progress to being excited about it, but he felt it happen, and in the aftermath of that near-argument, it was exciting.
... Two?
... Yeah? Two asked, sounding somewhat discouraged.
I - am kind of excited for... wherever stuff is going to take us.
I - can see it too, Two admitted. I hope it's somewhere great.
I do too, Ri agreed. But - I mean that... I kind of want to celebrate and acknowledge that it's... big, for you.
Sounds like fun, Two agreed.
I - think... maybe I could manage Vermillion.
Follow Red?
Ri let Two sense he meant yeah.
It would solve a lot of things, Two ventured. Yeah... it sounds like fun.
I'll... let Red know, then.
OK, Two said. Ri prepared himself, finding it hard to break the silence.
- Red, Ri called out, weakly.
... Yeah? Red asked, cautiously. Discouraged and scared, Ri made himself continue.
We want to visit Vermillion with you. Two and I enjoy visiting places when we aren't... miserable because of the people. We don't know how it'll be, but it feels exciting to try. We want to do something fun together after... managing the stuff we did today.
"Are you - sure?" Red asked.
Yeah, Two said.
"Sounds like fun," Red admitted.
"Yeah," Blue agreed. "It'll be cool to see more of your Kanto."
Ri sighed; it was a relief to feel like they were all somewhat on the same page again.
It sounds like fun to us too, Two admitted. We haven't seen Vermilion either.
"I wonder how it's changed since I visited," Red wondered out loud.
The conversation died down, leaving Ri and Two cuddling close again. It was awkward and tense; even if everything smoothed over, tensions were pretty high. It was uncomfortable for Ri; he and Two appreciated how they could feel safe and could usually interact with Red and Blue fairly easily but it wasn't like that in this moment. Ri remembered though, that he and Two had gotten up to do something fun with Red and Blue; he still felt he wanted to. He sensed how Two felt about it - Two agreed with him - so he tried to muster the courage to speak up.
We... wanted to do something fun, Ri pointed out. Could we... still?
"I don't see why not," Red said. From him... Ri guessed that was as close as an admission of forgiveness as he and Two were going to get.
"Yeah," Blue agreed again.
With that - Ri felt somewhat reassured. He nuzzled against Two; it was encouraging, that that hadn't hurt them all so much they couldn't figure it out after. Two'd been pretty harsh, Ri remembered; he understood Two was feeling weird, and he was happy that Two's outbursts hadn't ended up being too hurtful.
"Guys..." Red started.
... Yeah? Ri asked, his turn to be cautious.
"I don't mind sticking with you and Two. You're my friends, and - at the moment, I don't really have much of anywhere else to go. I... understand that I am your friend, too, and I know how much that means to you guys. I'm not going to be... quick to move away. And... at the moment I don't mind if you're kind of... clingy. I can see, especially now, that you're trying to figure it out. Right now, of anytime... I can understand that you might be particularly... clingy."
It was kind of ironic, Ri thought, that such pain came from something that, in the end, Red was completely fine with. It surprised him, too... Red rarely opened up like that. It was shocking, in fact; Ri was nearly speechless.
... Thank you, he managed to say.
"And... I'm your friend too," Blue said. "I'm happy here, too... I'm happy to help, too."
... Thanks, Ri repeated.
In Red's admission, it made Ri think it over again. He wanted to validate Red too, so he pulled himself with difficulty to speak up:
You were... kind of right too, he admitted. We... appreciate how honest you are with us, in some... odd way it helps us feel comfortable with you.
He felt there was more he could say, but he left it at that, and hoped Red understood.
And... thank you for helping, Ri said, addressing Blue.
"... Thank you," Red said.
"You're welcome," Blue said. It was rather awkward, but Ri was happy that it seemed like everything was nearly OK again. Like how it was with Two, Ri guessed that Red and Blue were going to be a little touchy for a while, but it was encouraging that they seemed to want to keep having fun, too.
Red and Blue are our friends, Two said - to Ri, privately, Ri sensed. That is something else that we have. I can... have friends.
We... needed help, Ri said. They're... forgiving of us, but... yeah. I'm thankful they appreciate our efforts to be their friends.
Yeah, Two agreed. I'm excited to visit Vermillion with you.
I am too, Ri said, but we've gotta help Red, too.
I suppose we'll see how that goes, Two considered.
They didn't know the Vermillion gym leader anymore; Lt. Surge had retired and gave the gym to someone else. It was scary going to see somebody they didn't know, but at the same time, it was scary going and seeing someone they did know too.
I guess, yeah. Hopefully - they'll be respectful of us without... already knowing who you are, Ri projected.
That would be nice, Two agreed.
With how Two was trying to forsake his past, Ri knew that it would be hard on him for people to treat him like it still defined him. Misty had done that, Ri remembered, but he hoped that whatever young gym leader who'd taken over Vermilion Gym would know only their reputation as gym leaders and be unaware of who Two was before that.
"Weren't we going to do something?" Red interrupted. It made Ri angry for a moment, but he remembered they'd pointed it out then dropped off the face of the earth again, and he remembered too that Red was familiar enough with them to know when they started talking between each other, and that it could bother him if they weren't careful about what they were talking about.
- We should do something, Two suggested.
Yeah, Ri agreed.
Once again, Ri and Two detached from each other and stretched. Ri felt weird, but he felt thankful for his mate and friends who were all apparently strong enough to get along after nearly hurting each other a lot. He was happy to get to doing something fun, and he really looked forward to it, especially with Two. With the prospect of visiting Vermilion, Ri looked forward to having unrestrained fun before they put themselves in a circumstance where they didn't feel particularly safe to be themselves. Until then, at least, they could be open with Red and Blue and enjoy themselves and each other, and it was especially welcome after a day of questioning themselves, thinking through tough stuff, breaking down, and coming to terms with difficult truths. Ri was happy and thankful that he and Two had managed it together, but he was happy to let it go for a bit too and let things just be normal for a bit. As it was, Ri was happy for Two to come as far as he did, and he was happy to continue helping him reassured that they'd take it when they were both ready. This way - Ri understood that Two wasn't as sure as he was - but it felt to him like they'd somehow manage to figure out how to support themselves, and it was encouraging while they allowed themselves to celebrate with their friends.
-----------------------------------------
It's been... too long, Two admitted.
This part of Ri and Two's home laid untouched for years. It was the lab behind the homier parts, hidden behind a door which allowed them to pretend it didn't exist except for the times they cut through the hallway to visit their practice gym. It went unrenovated, and it served mostly as storage for all the devices, beds, and stuff the scientists had left behind in the parts of the place they did live in. It was also a scary place for Two; it held his earliest, deepest, darkest memories. Ri and Two stood in front of the doorway to the room Two had been grown in - a place which Ri knew about but had never seen. He sometimes vaguely wondered about it, but he never wanted to push Two or make him uncomfortable. Now, though, Two started wondering about it himself as he started letting himself wonder - and hurt - about all the things he'd taken for granted up until and even while he mated Ri. Two didn't know who or what he was, and he didn't know what his place was in the world around him. It ate at him constantly, but he pushed it aside to be Ri's mate, then later to save Ri from Cipher and rehabilitate him to the best of his ability. As Ri started to grow and heal on his own, it started to overwhelm Two.
Finally, together, they were going to try to face it all.
Ri sensed Two's apprehension, but he saw his mate's determination and courage, too. He thought his mate was brave - Two was facing some of the most painful aspects of his past and his identity - and he wanted to help him withstand the pain and to enable him to grow like Two had stood by him unfalteringly to enable him to heal from Cipher. He cared; he was grateful to feel it so strongly and authentically for his mate.
In the quiet, though, as Ri watched and waited for Two to feel prepared, he looked around to prepare himself and to try to dampen the shock of entering into the place of Two's deepest vulnerabilities. It was cold and impersonal; the entire lab had been that way before Ri and Two took it over as their own. Somehow, the fluorescent lights above still beamed down on top of them in their characteristic color, shining down clinically on white floors and walls. The place had been preserved, but it hadn't been taken care of either; Ri and Two left pawprints behind them in the dust which had collected over many years. The place felt out of time, like it didn't belong, and it felt strange visiting it, like they were visiting a ghost town. Ri hated the term, but it felt like a "liminal space," some place which just felt... odd, without any particular reason. Ri knew there was a lot of history to it, but it didn't show any of it; it looked practically like it had when Blaine and his scientists had abandoned it decades prior. On top of it, Ri knew it had a lot of meaning to Two, too, which charged his understanding of the place and gave this visit a lot of importance. He looked back to the door in front of him; Two had been born behind it. It wasn't just the place where Two was grown and where he eventually broke out, it represented everything that tried to define who Two was, from his beginnings as a man-made pokemon to the intent for him to be a weapon - a tool - to be used by humanity to the way scientists had denied him any respect or honor or dignity as a living, breathing being. Even if Two accepted being man-made, forsook the purpose humanity had made him for, and forgave humanity for treating him like they owned him, this room and what happened inside defined how he saw himself and the world around him, leaving him with nothing else.
You're more than what they tried to force you to be, Ri said, in an attempt to remind Two that he didn't have to be defined by his origin. In response, Two sighed heavily, and took his time to say anything. Ri understood, but it didn't keep it from being hard on him that Two was having such difficulty.
I do not doubt you, Two said softly. But apart from you I do not know what I have if this place gives me nothing.
Ri appreciated that Two considered Ri a part of him and that he appreciated Ri's part in his life, but he felt bad that Two felt like there was nothing else. It fired off doubt and guilt in his mind - he had collapsed on Two, forcing him to put everything aside to prop Ri up - but Ri hoped he was able to prop himself up a little better, and he hoped that he was able to support Two again to help him face all this stuff.
This place... Two continued, I do not know how I have managed to live here longer than 20 years with it hiding within our own home.
Ri saw the meaning: Two had lived that long without facing all this stuff that the room represented.
I'm here to help now, Ri said weakly. You don't have to face it alone.
Ri felt Two reach for his paw and grab it; Ri nearly melted in the slight physical contact, understanding that Two needed it almost as much as he did. He wanted to hug Two, but he stopped himself, letting Two choose for himself what was appropriate at this moment.
Thank you, Two said. I'm so thankful you're with me.
I'm thankful to be able to help you, Ri said back weakly. He glanced up at his mate, and Two glanced back and they held it for a bit; they both knew what that meant. Ri had worked hard to reach this, and Two had sacrificed much to enable him to. It's time, Ri considered out loud, more strongly, for you to grow, too.
I love you, Two said.
I love you too, Ri said. I will love you no matter what happens here.
Thank you, Two said again. Ri just nodded; they didn't have to go over it again. Two looked back to the door, and Ri followed him, preparing himself to support Two. Two let go of him too; Ri missed being closer, but he understood. He just appreciated how open Two was being; he was able to help Two grow most easily when Two laid himself out cleanly.
I need to do this, Two reassured himself. We are looking forward as mates; you are looking forward as you heal. I... need to look forward, too. I need to learn not to look back. I must learn to... let go.
Ri was excited to heal and explore with Two, but... even understanding Two, he hadn't imagined it would be this difficult. Ri understood it wasn't this way, but it made it seem like he was rushing Two into all this by getting encouraged by pushing himself to heal.
You are with me, Two continued. With you...
Ri watched as Two steeled himself, then barged ahead into the room, opening the door with his mind. Ri followed behind him, anxiety mounting as he faced seeing something that even Two had never shown him before. He always trusted his mate - he'd mated Two believing he was a pokemon who authentically cared, after all - and he'd accepted all that time that this was something Two kept inside, even with their aura bond and co-codependent relationship, but it was scary, seeing something so personal to Two.
The room was dark - it was a shock after the bright hallway they'd just left - but Ri's eyes adjusted quickly enough. It stretched out ahead of them, much longer than it was wide, with rows of desks with ancient computers on them, surely all hooked up to watch some aspect of Two's development. It disgusted Ri; he understood that humans closely watched their own developing children, but it wasn't nearly so constant and specific and invasive as this array looked to be. And - at the end of the room against the wall was the main attraction, a large housing within which Ri presumed Two was grown in his tube, wires attached all over him. He stepped out into the room, starting down between the desks to take a closer look at them and the place his mate had been kept before he broke out.
... Be careful, Two said. There should still be glass everywhere.
Ri looked back at his mate and stopped in his tracks; he didn't want to keep Two from doing whatever it was he needed to by making him worry about him. When Two floated himself up and started toward the end of the room, though, Ri cautiously stepped over following him, making sure to avoid any glass, stopping before where he noticed it covering the entire floor. Shards were everywhere; he guessed Two shattered it easily. He wanted to be close to his mate, though, so he braved as far as he thought he could without hurting himself. He was able to turn around, and try and imagine, at least in a limited sense, what it felt like for Two to grow up in his tube, staring out at all the people watching him through glass and whatever fluid they kept him suspended in.
It... wasn't like that, Two said. It cut into Ri, but Ri understood; Two wasn't judging him for it or upset that he'd misread it. Ri just... couldn't understand. He sensed Two wanted to talk, but he waited for Two to feel ready.
I was barely aware, Two started. I sensed before I could see. Floating, I didn't feel anything. Weightless, my body kept at its own temperature. No hearing, smell, anything. What I could sense, I didn't understand. I had to piece together everything around me myself. The things I sensed from the humans? I had to figure out how they thought, how they communicated with each other, how they parsed the thoughts I sensed in their inner worlds into things they could share with others.
But - all I had was an inner world, and no way of knowing there was anything else outside of it except for the humans I was sensing. I... was not allowed to experience it for myself.
When I broke out, I didn't know I was expressing my inner world. Much less... I didn't know the people around me understood it. I didn't know I knew how to speak telepathically. I didn't know they were speaking to me - after all, why would they? I barely understood that the things I was hearing, seeing, experiencing were an external world outside of me. It was denied me up until then... how was I supposed to know what it was?
Two... Ri pleaded; he didn't like the things he was sensing from Two. He'd started calmly, but as he kept speaking, he turned more and more bitter and worked up. He knew Two held deep anger toward how he'd been treated until Red finally caught him, but... Two rarely expressed it like this. So openly, so directly as self-pity.
I figured it out quickly, Two said ironically. They... made me to be smart.
Two... Ri pleaded again, and this time he managed to get through. He looked at his mate; Two's scrunched up, angry face scared him.
Ri... Two said, looking down at him. He touched down, and Ri felt Two's arms around him. Safe - Two was still Two. He hugged Two back, unsure what to make of everything Two was saying.
I am thankful for what I have, Two said, much more calmly, but once again the edge came back in his voice. I... despise them for everything they didn't give me. Other pokemon get to have so much when they hatch. Love, caring parents, the ability to grow and develop as part of the world around them, knowledge and understanding of their place in it. Purpose. Identity. I was given power and intelligence... nothing else. I had to fight for everything others take for granted. I must... continue to fight. I was left to... struggle.
What Ri sensed scared him, even while in Two's careful, loving embrace. This was the bitter, hostile Two who terrorized Kanto and hated humanity and refused to care. Somehow Ri had worked his way inside - to reach the Two who did care - but aside from worrying about his mate closing up again, he worried for everyone else, too. The bitter Two had terrified Kanto until Red had managed to catch him; Ri knew it was a warranted response to his power.
I will fight, Two asserted, squeezing Ri a bit but lovingly. Even if I hate that I must.
I will help you, Ri said, trying to match his mate's determination but lacking the assertiveness Two had managed to show. I'm so... he didn't even want to finish that, and he left it up to Two to sense how he felt bad. But... I want to help you have everything.
You have given me so much, Two said. He broke down from his agitated state, remembering his mate, remembering all the things he had because Ri had chosen to trust him. A few of those things he listed: love, a person he belonged with, at least, and the ability to grow and claim for himself the other things he still needed to.
This is my innermost self, Two continued, a little while later. I... don't know what else I could show you. Giovanni's headquarters? I was made to be his tool, he tried using me like one, but I think what you see here summarizes it well enough.
Two... Ri said. This time, it wasn't pleading, it was sympathetic. He felt terrible for Two.
I'm... Two started, but he held himself back, sighing instead. Ri sensed why: he was sorry, but he didn't want to compare his situation to Ri's and wanted to respect that Ri's situation was miserable, too.
I will fight, Two said again. I will fight so I can be with you. I am your mate; you deserve my effort as much as you try for me. I'm... he faltered, because he'd just stopped himself from saying it, but it was for a different reason this time. I'm sorry, he said, that it's taken me so long to figure it out.
I...
Ri knew what he felt; Two had no reason to feel sorry for it. Ri felt he'd been worse; he felt like the reason Two had repressed all this in the first place, and he didn't feel great about it.
Ri... Two started, returning to the soft voice which comforted Ri and reminded him that Two was still there and in control. I... repressed of my own volition. First... to be with you, to grow, learn about the world despite everything that happened here. Then... to help you through what Cipher did to you. I'm your mate... I promised to protect you. I failed that, but I promised to stay with you... I will never abandon you. I will support you.
I needed to be stronger, Ri said. I needed to take responsibility of myself sooner. It wasn't fair of me to make you deal with me.
Ri... Two warned, but Ri shook his head into Two's chest.
No, you deserved more from me, Ri said, trying his best to push aside the doubt that hung in the back of his mind constantly. I'm thankful I finally figured it out, I needed to take myself into my own paws. Two seemed to accept it; he backed down. Ri understood; Two just didn't want him spiraling again. Ri could easily be self-destructive; Two was trying to remind him to manage it but Ri managed to be aware and was able to control himself. He regretted pulling Two out of his self-reflective mood, forcing him back into 'watch over Ri' mode, but he hoped that he managed to control himself enough so that it wasn't too hard on Two.
I need to learn how to manage myself too, Two said.
I will help you, Ri promised.
... Thank you, Two said, so much. You've grown so much... I want to follow you. I want to grow too. Thank you for enabling me.
He squeezed Ri again; Ri was grateful for the show of appreciation. Recovering from Cipher was long, painful, and hard; Ri didn't even feel nearly like he did before it happened, even years later. But... he felt he was in a place where he was able to manage himself - at least, he only had to fall back onto Two sometimes, or he hoped that when he did, he wasn't so destructive to himself or Two when he did so.
... Look around, Two said, after a pause. I should've shown you this place a long time ago. It's... yours as much as it is mine, now.
Ri regretted Two pulling away from him, but he understood the importance that Two was showing it to him, and he saw how meaningful it was that Two had opened up to show him. It was somewhat symbolic; it felt like Two was handing Ri the empty husk of a pokemon he'd been - the husk that still largely defined him. Ri sighed, understanding; he was responsible for taking care of that husk until Two figured out what belonged there instead. He hoped Two would feel comfortable and safe with Ri; Ri loved him and cared for him, and wouldn't judge him for exploring and making mistakes. All Ri wanted was for Two to feel comfortable and happy; he was only supportive of Two.
He looked around, trying again to visualize what it was like given the new stuff Two had told him. Two had been in the tube, separated from everything around him - Ri imagined growing up in an egg, left to decipher the world around him on his own. Two had been given nothing, not even help understanding the world around him - not even an understanding that there was a world outside of him. He had to figure it out himself. Ri felt bad for him; Two deserved to have a normal life regardless of how he had been born, but he'd been denied it. Ri understood how Two would be bitter about it; he was thankful Two had managed in any capacity to see beyond it, but he also saw how difficult it was for Two to get there too.
I thought that I could get past it by being your mate and pushing it back and forgetting about it, but clearly... there is more I must do.
Ri saw that it didn't sit well with him; Ri hoped that Two would be able to figure it out. He remembered, too; Two had been sullen before Cipher - at least, not outwardly happy. Not overtly and outwardly happy like Ri was. Ri still loved him and cared for him, but Two had been the quiet one who had difficulty being happy. Two somehow figured out how to be genuinely happy in the time Ri took to take ownership of himself since Cipher and Ri became the one who wasn't always outwardly happy, but Two clearly still had his own hangups and problems.
We'll figure it out, Ri said, softly.
Thank you for being here for me this time, Two said, equally softly. I don't have to figure this out alone... you're with me to help me.
Ri nodded; he didn't want Two to be alone anymore.
I... don't have answers, Ri qualified, but at least... I'm here to help you find them.
Two nodded in return. Thank you.
Ri let it be; they understood where they were starting. That had been the point of visiting. Facing the root of Two's miserableness and identifying what he needed to do to grow past it. They glanced at each other; facing all this was scary, but Ri hoped that it would enable Two to be more genuinely happy and to feel like he had a place. That place was at Ri's side, but Ri couldn't help him beyond accepting him and being there to love him and care for him. Two needed more than that... like how Ri realized he needed to take charge of his own growing for Two's sake - that he couldn't depend on Two solely for learning to be a strong, resilient pokemon again - Ri saw that Two recognized that he couldn't make Ri fill in for everything he was missing because of his past. Ri wanted to help him figure it all out, of course, but Two needed to grow to be able to be a part of Ri's life - and to involve Ri in his - without making Ri the sole thing in it.
Two sighed; Ri was happy to see him let go of something a little bit. Ri understood; it was hard for someone to take down walls that they were very used to putting up to protect themselves.
I am a pokemon who doesn't have a place, Two admitted. Or a family, or an identity. I have you, but otherwise I have nothing. He seemed sad about it; Ri saw how difficult it was for Two.
It... doesn't have to stay like that, Ri offered. You don't have to settle for it.
But I need to accept it to move on, Two said. I can't pretend it's going to go away by itself anymore. I need to be OK with where and who I am.
You're...
Your mate, Two finished. Two gave Ri a quick hug; Ri was happy he appreciated the sentiment.
Always, he continued. But that doesn't leave me with much more.
...
... we'll have to figure it out together, Two recognized out loud. Ri only nodded; he felt bad he didn't have anything he could say. He was thankful Two seemed OK, at least - or, at least, less bad than he did before.
Ri watched as Two mulled over everything he'd said in his mind. He had very little he could offer; Two was made to be a weapon, but he forsook that. Objectively, he was one of the most powerful pokemon in existence, but they both recognized that that that was a very dangerous road to follow. It was something that was amazing for Two to have and he could be grateful, but he couldn't define himself using it. It led lots of bad places very quickly. He was Ri's mate, but aside from being a pokemon who loved Ri, it didn't seem like that gave him much to go on.
As Two thought it over, Ri saw how hard it was on him. He watched his mate break down until finally, Two collapsed onto Ri. He started bawling; Ri recognized it was the pain he'd tried deflecting with anger and bitterness before. Ri saw how it happened: how miserable it was that Ri and Two together couldn't even come up with anything to help solve all these things that weren't even Two's fault.
I wish I were normal, Two cried. I wish I didn't have to fight for everything everyone else takes for granted. I - Two shuddered, hating the thought of it - hate the people who gave me life but nothing else.
Ri felt miserable; not for anything he did or couldn't do but because he felt bad for Two's own misery and anguish. He felt helpless to do anything; he just hugged Two back, trying his best to be comforting and accepting, hoping Two understood his sympathy and empathy.
People think they want this, Two said, an edge of spite in his voice. He let it go, again, and fell apart again. They don't know what they're asking for.
Two... Ri called out. It wasn't for any particular reason; he just wanted to ground Two and comfort him. It was something Two did quite often for Ri; Ri was at a loss for how else he could try to get through to Two. He tried thinking about what Two had said, deciding to let Two cry it out for a little while. They were aware of people who coveted Two's strength, people on other worlds who made Mewtwo OCs who abused their power to control others, or reveled in using it to overpower others, or else there were people who idolized Mewtwo's 'heartless'ness, thinking him 'cool' for being so 'badass' or whatever. They were almost as bad as the scientists were; they only saw the aspects of Mewtwo that they cared most about and refused to acknowledge that Mewtwo was an entire person, not just a bitter, heartless monster.
They see your power but nothing else, Ri said softly.
I am - Two stopped in his tracks. Ri sensed what he was going to say, and why it made him stop. "I am not that sort of pokemon," Two was about to say, and it was a direct assertion answering, in part, his question of who he was. It was a surprise to Ri but at the same time it wasn't; it was immediately apparent to him even if he hadn't thought of it before.
You're a pokemon who owns your past, you refuse to let it make you into a pokemon who abuses your power, Ri said.
... That's a start, Two said, sighing. Ri let Two collect himself, now that he'd had a chance to express the pain he felt.
You care, Ri offered. You're here because you care.
I do, Two repeated. I care.
That seemed to be a comfort to Two. He seemed to like being a pokemon who cared.
I would rather be a pokemon who hurts because he cares than one who does not hurt and does not care.
Ri nodded into Two's chest; he agreed wholeheartedly. Two squeezed him yet again, apparently finding comfort in Ri's encouragement.
You showed me I could care, Two said. You were the first one who... truly cared for me.
Ri remembered. Two hadn't seemed lovable, at least on the outside. Ri had been able to see inside, though, and chose to care for Two because he could see that Two was a pokemon who had been burned by people. Other people seemed to think Two was the way he was 'just because that's who he was,' but Ri saw that it was because he'd been abused and taken advantage of and didn't know there was more than that.
Even after all this time...
Ri saw where Two was going; he didn't want Two to go there. Two felt bad taking this long to reach taking ownership of his own hurt; Ri didn't want him to do the same sorts of things Ri did to him.
Please, Ri pleaded.
... OK, Two said. I will try to let it be.
I wasn't... ready, anyway, Ri said, faltering himself.
We're here now, Two said, squeezing him. That's what matters.
Ri nodded once again. With it, Two seemed better; more intact, happier.
I am a Mewtwo, Two said, finally. I don't know what that means, but I know I'm not a Mew, and I am a pokemon who cares. I was made, but that does not stop me from trying to have a normal life like everyone else. I - never believed it did. I am your mate, and together we are learning to be bartenders. I don't know what that means, but... I'm excited to learn.
I am too, Ri said.
They stood for a short while. Ri let Two take his time taking everything he'd said in; he needed to let it sit and take ownership of it. It was a good place, Ri thought, but Two needed to get used to it.
... Do you want to try some more? Two offered. It sounded good to Ri, but first he wondered about their friends, who were sitting anxiously in the living room waiting for them.
Shouldn't we check in with Red and Blue first?
... we should, Two agreed, sounding a bit disappointed.
Then yeah! Ri offered. He sensed Two smile; it was amazing for Two to be happy.
I'm excited, Two said.
I am too, Ri agreed.
They finally released each other. Ri looked up to his mate; poor Two had fairly visibly cried, tears dampening the fur on his face. Two sniffled; Ri thought it was adorable. He wanted to help Two, make it so that he didn't have to hurt so much. He recognized, though, that he couldn't pick Two up himself; he wasn't able to, anymore, and a lot of the stuff Two had to figure out, Ri couldn't answer himself. It was up to Two to put himself together, like Ri realized it was up to him to put himself together. Ri hoped it wouldn't be too painful for them, but at the end of it, he hoped they could be more open, secure, and happy. At least... Two could be open with Ri. And... while their friends had let them deal with this by themselves, they could go back and show them and be accepted. He looked forward to trying more cocktail stuff; they hadn't played with it much since buying the supplies since they'd been preoccupied with other stuff. Now, though, Ri hoped that they were in a clear state of mind where they could enjoy it and experiment with it without being sidetracked and bothered by stuff. He was excited to share it with Two, and was happy that Two was excited to share it with him.
I suppose we should face them, Two said.
... Yeah, Ri agreed.
Two sighed; even if he trusted Red and Blue, it could still be hard facing them. Two wasn't easily open; he had to try harder with them than he had to with Ri.
They understand, Ri said softly, and... I don't think they'll pry too much.
Two nodded. We've shown them worse, he said.
Yeah... Ri agreed.
Two sighed again. Let's go.
OK, Ri agreed. He led his mate out of the room, back through all the computers and out the door. It was good to see the place, but Ri was happy to be out; he didn't need to immerse himself in the triggers and circumstances that caused Two so much pain. He waited for Two outside, and Two paused a moment, turning around to look inside again. He sighed once more, and took the doorknob to close it, but he paused.
I... guess it doesn't make sense to leave it open, he said.
I guess not, Ri agreed.
It doesn't have to mean it's locked inside of me again. I... don't want it there anymore.
I understand, Ri said. He saw how Two didn't like closing the door, but at the same time, he understood that if they weren't around, it didn't really matter how the door was.
I guess... Two closed it, but left it ajar; it seemed like a happy in-between.
I don't need to pretend it doesn't exist anymore, Two said.
Yeah, Ri agreed.
With that, they turned around, returning to the comfort of their home. They interfaced with Red and Blue, integrating with them in their minds before making themselves physically present. After an emotional roller coaster, it was good to have a moment to settle themselves, especially for Two. They went out to the living room where Red and Blue were waiting, then sat on the couch across from the TV. Ri sat in Two's side as Two leaned against the arm of the couch; it let them be close without entwining into each other to become one mass of fur.
"So..." Red started carefully, "how was it?"
It was... hard, Two said, awkwardly. Ri could feel how tense he was; he felt bad for him.
"I... sensed," Blue said. The admission seemed to bother Two, but they knew beforehand that they couldn't keep it from him, so they just let it be.
We figured some stuff out, Ri offered, trying to explain for Red but trying also to respect Two's preference to not be too detailed.
"How are you guys now?" Red asked.
OK, Two said.
"Do you mind - explaining?" Blue asked. Ri glanced at Two, worried that the request would be hard on Two.
Explaining... Two drew out, trying for himself not to make presumptions.
"Your birth," Blue said.
With that, Ri sensed Blue just wanted the facts. He realized that Blue didn't really know how Two was made. He knew so many Mewtwo, but none of them had explained to him their origins. Two seemed to realize too, and he relaxed, at least as much as he was comfortable. Two didn't seem happy about it, but he sighed, apparently willing to go through it.
I am man-made, you know that, but unlike the Mewtwo from your world, I was... cloned from a living Mew. His DNA was modified before I even existed; I was never a Mew, only Mewtwo. His DNA was modified and then recombined to produce a viable embryo, which they grew in a tube filled with synthetic amniotic fluid. As soon as I was developed enough, they connected me to a host of sensors to monitor my development. I - don't know how many times they tried.
The thought was troubling to Two - he didn't seem to want to think about how many dead brothers and sisters he had. He pressed on, though.
They left me to grow by myself, unaware or... uncaring that I was conscious, aware, and intelligent. They monitored me like an experiment instead of a living, growing being.
I had to figure out how to understand them myself, and when I did, what I saw showed that... I meant nothing. When I finally became conscious, that's all I knew. I did not want to be contained anymore - I became aware of a world outside of me and I wanted to experience it. I - accidentally killed everyone in the room when I escaped. Everything was new, but I ran, unaware that I was floating or speaking or using any sort of power at all.
"All in that room?" Blue asked.
Yes, Two said.
It... seems, Blue started, that the Mewtwo they made turned out good.
... Thanks, Two said. He shifted around next to Ri; Ri felt Blue's comment wasn't as comforting as he'd intended. Ri felt the same way Blue did though; he appreciated Two's soft fur, and apart from the literally skin-deep he appreciated Two's soft, caring temperament when he felt comfortable showing it.
"Even I didn't..."
I wasn't quick to want to let you know, Two said, answering Red's allusion that he didn't know either. You caught me... until more recently, I didn't feel much for you beside... respect.
"You respected me?" Red asked.
You... respected me, Two said back. You did not use me, you did not take advantage of me even though you managed to overpower me.
"You were... just a pokemon to me."
I would do a lot just to be a pokemon, Two said, seriously, staring into Red to get his point across.
"I..."
I understand, Two said. You are our friends now. I... have let you understand more completely.
Ri saw how Two avoided saying 'opened up' even though that's what he meant. Blue seemed to get it, but it went over Red's head. Two was being rather awkward with Red and Blue. Ri understood; it was harder for him to be open with them, and he was a little raw from the emotional outbursts he'd shared with Ri before.
We see how you are with Ri, Blue said. We understand too.
I... thanks, Two said, awkwardly.
"You're our friends too," Red said.
We... appreciate it, Two said. Red and Blue nodded, and, thankfully, the interaction seemed to be over. Ri checked in with Two quickly, seeing how he felt; the short discussion had brought back stuff Two had wanted to let go for the moment, but he seemed to manage it. He got lost in it, though; Ri remembered they'd meant to do other things.
Hey - he called, carefully trying to pull Two's attention away.
Yeah? Two said, looking to him, pulling out of it.
Didn't we want to try some cocktail stuff? Ri offered.
Yeah, Two said.
"Making more alcohol?" Blue asked.
Yeah, Ri affirmed.
"Can I help?" Blue asked.
"Might be fun to watch," Red offered.
Ri checked in with Two first, seeing how he felt. Unlike the emotional unload of earlier, it seemed like making drinks was something Two didn't have a problem sharing with Red and Blue.
I guess, Ri offered.
"Cool," Red said.
Ri got up, and led his mate and friends to the dining room where they had room to gather around to chill and Red and Blue could watch as Ri and Two played around with alcohol. It was a new hobby Ri and Two were trying out based on Two's suggestion, driven by a need to find some way they could support themselves after shutting down the gym. Ri liked coffee - brewing it, tasting it, enjoying its flavors and the art it took to extract them - but the idea of a pokemon making coffee didn't seem marketable, so he agreed to try mixing drinks instead as it had a similar type of 'art' of combining flavors. Ri and Two both were excited to try it, but since they visited the liquor store and stocked up on supplies, they had been preoccupied until Two mustered the courage to go into the lab with Ri. Ri was thankful Two managed it; he recognized that it was holding Two back and that it would've been hard on him not to be able to do it. Instead, Two seemed a little encouraged, which Ri was happy to share and reflect back at him as they tried out this new interest.
They started by gathering their supplies and trying the remaining bottles of whiskey and vodka that they hadn't opened yet. It was an important step; Ri and Two needed to understand the basic ingredients that they were working with. Then, they paused to watch a video or two on how to build drinks professionally. They usually liked written guides they could read through at their own pace, but they learned they appreciated the visual aid of a video when they researched before going out to the liquor store. To practice, Ri built a couple simple drinks, getting the actions into his mind so he could start to internalize them. Then, since he had them as references, he showed Two how to make them, since Two needed to be able to do it all too, even if he didn't want to drink any of it. Ri compared the drinks Two made to the ones he made, which helped him get a sense for how important balance was between all the different elements, and also helped him guide Two since Two couldn't taste anything he was making. It helped him internalize further too, since even though Two could sense him, to explain it he had to churn it about in his mind to be able to relate it back outward.
Once they both had a couple chances to make drinks, they discussed the process for a bit, considering how it felt doing it as pokemon. Everything they did was very paws-on, which wasn't a problem for a human or for Two and his telekinesis but it was somewhat difficult for Ri and his limited aura powers and relatively clumsy paws. He could manage, but he was also furred all over. He didn't mind if he accidentally got a bit of fur into his drinks when he was making them for himself, but they couldn't let that happen if they were serving drinks to a ton of humans, so they spent a bit of time trying to streamline the process and keep it sanitary. On top of that, they felt they needed to develop show-pokemon-ship, since watching the videos showed them that ordering a drink was as much about presentation and the experience of it as much as it was having something tasty to drink. They also considered how to do things quickly and safely, and were already thinking about how to scale keeping up supplies to the level where they could easily keep stocked serving tons of drinks in a night.
After that, Ri tried something new with the vodka and some of the liqueurs they'd gotten. One of them was called a "White Rushin'," a drink which mixed together alcohol, coffee liqueur, and cream for an alcoholic iced coffee. It interested him because it mixed his interest in coffee with this new interest he was trying to develop. The drink itself didn't seem too special to him, but he was sure there were other things he could do with the coffee liqueur when he and Two felt confident enough to explore making their own new drinks. It also allowed him to try a new technique - 'floating' a liquid on top of another so that the result was a layered drink where each of the ingredients were distinctly separate. He encouraged Two to try making one to try floating, but after that they let off, and Ri and Blue made sure to drink a lot of water to try to fight the tendency of the alcohol to dehydrate them. They were, apparently, immune to the alcohol's effects and poisoning, but they didn't want to push it, so they backed off before it felt like they were drinking egregious amounts of alcohol.
It was a great time - Ri greatly enjoyed sharing the experience with his mate and having fun with him. It was practically effortless to spend time with Two like this - even if Two thought too far ahead and did something he shouldn't, it wasn't a problem, Ri could lightly tease him and didn't have to worry about hurting Two. Two easily understood what Ri wanted him to do when he reigned himself in to listen, and they were able to discuss and even (nearly) argue about how they should run the bar without getting worked up or properly upset. It was easy for Ri to live with Two; that was part of why Ri wanted to grow and wanted to help Two grow. So it would be easier for him and Two to be together and comfortable in a greater variety of circumstances.
After, they collected in the living room to rest and recoup. Having fun like that was amazing, but Ri and Two learned that they needed to let themselves come down from it and sometimes they had to recede a little to calm down and gather themselves. Cuddling closely on their couch, they could at least spend some quiet time together without excluding Red and Blue. They were able to lie there with their guards completely down without worrying about being bothered by their friends; they greatly appreciated feeling safe in Red and Blue's presence.
I wonder about the bar, Two poked, after he and Ri both felt settled down and were able to let their minds wander to other things.
... Yeah? Ri asked. The way Two sounded and with what Ri sensed from him - Ri prepared to have a little more of a difficult discussion again.
... We can barely handle ourselves and being with our friends, Two commented. I am excited about the idea of mixing drinks and doing it for a living, but the idea of a bar full of people is... overwhelming.
- You're sounding a bit like me, Ri poked, meaning to lightly tease Two. Two didn't seem to take it as lightly as Ri intended, but Ri was thankful Two didn't seem hurt by it.
... I'm not much unlike you, Two said. If anything... somehow you're the one who's more able to deal with the people.
... I understand, Ri said. He settled down to think about it seriously as it clearly bothered Two. The idea of it overwhelmed him, too; he and Two were barely able to deal with one stranger, and they had to figure out how to be able to handle many at a time.
I don't know, Ri continued.
I suppose this is what we're trying to figure out now, Two offered.
Yeah, Ri agreed. I don't know if... it's a good idea for us to think about it too much now. They were starting to overthink, he thought; with how they were, it led pretty easily down spirals.
Just... I - never thought I would end up here.
Ri understood. Two had just taken ownership of himself, and was trying actively to change his life rather than coasting along like he and Ri had been for years. It was exciting, but it was scary too, and they couldn't know where it was going to take them.
I'm - Two seemed to be having difficulty; Ri nuzzled up against him to try to comfort him and help him - happy - that I managed what I did in the lab. I'm happy that I'm trying to grow. But... it is overwhelming. I... don't know where to begin, and I do not see how this path will enable me to, one day... be the sort of pokemon who can own a bar with you.
... Two, Ri called. He felt bad for poor Two; Two was much more prospective than he was. Ri didn't even know where he was going to end up - he hoped now that it was with Two and managing a bar - but what empowered him was wanting to improve for Two, and he didn't need to try to guess where that path took him. Two was looking ahead at the possibilities, though - from succeeding in full to succeeding in part but not being able to have exactly what he wanted to... failing and ending up worse than he started. It overwhelmed him, leaving him unsure what to do and how to go about it.
We start small, Ri suggested. We need to piece together whatever we can, then move on to the next step when we're ready.
I suppose so, Two agreed. I... don't know where that first step is.
We'll figure it out, Ri tried comforting him.
... Much less do I know how it will lead where we want to be in 3 years.
... It'll lead where it leads, Ri suggested. I'm - sorry I can't help you like this. Ri'd promised he'd help - he wanted to help - he felt bad that he felt unable to.
I'm... Two seemed to see what was happening. Ri sensed him try to let it go, and Ri tried to pull himself together to be more helpful.
I'm excited, Ri said, for... wherever we'll be in 3 years. I'm excited to learn about mixing drinks too... we can see later if we're able to do it to keep ourselves alive. We don't have to figure out both at once. If we end up managing to keep a bar... I would love to be able to enjoy it with you.
I want to enjoy that with you, Two asserted.
That's - a start, Ri offered. I want to enjoy it with you, too.
Two curled up around Ri, apparently comforted by the thought.
I guess... like you say, we'll have to figure out how to get there, Two decided.
Yeah... Ri agreed.
Just... I never...
Two sighed. Ri sensed him try to reset himself; he felt bad this was all being hard on Two.
Thank you, Two said, for enabling me. For... being my mate, for... loving me. Without it...
Ri sensed Two didn't want to think about it.
I - love you, Ri said. He wasn't really sure what to say, since Two had already mentioned it, but it felt to him like the best thing he could say.
I love you too, Two said. I understand.
Two curled up around Ri harder; this was an odd, relatively novel place to be. Ri felt suddenly a bit like the Ri who had been able to be stronger to support Two, before Cipher, before he fell apart. He remembered how Two had been before... he'd been a lot more like this. He thought about how Two had been while rehabilitating Ri after Cipher... it wasn't like this. Two had mentioned it before in the lab, but this made it apparent to Ri, and I made him want to hate himself for making Two repress all this like that to help him.
Two... Ri said, overwhelmed by thinking about how difficult it must've been for Two to pull himself together to help Ri.
Please don't, Two warned. Two's mental attitude seemed to flip on a dime; it shocked Ri how easily he could... force Two back into that mindset. He... didn't want to do that anymore. It didn't make Ri feel good, but he tried to let it go. He understood; he had no right to try knowingly or not to make Two regret doing his best to help Ri - like he had promised when they had mated. And - he recognized that they were improving - that they were both healing from that and growing out of it. He couldn't endanger it by being unable to let it be in the past where it belonged.
Just... I'm sorry, Ri admitted. I'm... here now.
Thank you, Two accepted. Ri was thankful Two seemed to see; it was important for Ri to mention and communicate how he recognized and felt bad it was hard on Two. He didn't want to be that way anymore - it was a large part of his motivation for trying to be better. And thank you for enabling me now.
... Yeah, Ri said. It was awkward, but Ri hoped it communicated how OK he was with things, how he didn't hold anything against Two and was trying not to hold himself responsible for being hard on Two when he needed to rely on Two.
I love you too, Two reiterated, softly. He sighed; Ri was happy he seemed to be settling down again. If... I'd failed you instead...
...
Ri didn't really know what to say, and Two realized he was going too far.
That didn't happen, Two asserted, sighing once again. We're here now.
We're - out of it, Ri suggested again. Thinking too much about it.
He felt Two nod around him. We need to distract ourselves, Two suggested, following along.
It sounded like a good idea to Ri; they needed a little bit of time to get used to where they were before they searched out the next step. They couldn't rush healing; they needed to take it as they were ready.
This stuff is important, though, Ri qualified. He didn't want to completely dismiss what Two was feeling and dealing with; he wanted to recognize that it mattered and that it meant Two was preparing to grow.
Like you said, Two offered, we'll take it when we're ready. I can't - let myself get ahead of myself.
Ri nodded; the back of his head rubbed against Two's soft chest fur.
Once again, Two sighed, but it seemed final this time, like Two was properly letting go rather than just buckling under the weight of everything that was on his mind.
Yeah, Two agreed, we should try to do something.
Regrettably, he released Ri and stretched himself, but at least Ri was happy that they managed that together. He stretched himself out too, feeling ready to integrate with Red and Blue again.
I - care, Two said, though, interrupting Ri's change of mindset. I'll... start with that. I know I am a pokemon who cares. I know that I care for you; I will try to figure out what else I care about too.
OK, Ri said. He saw how comforting that thought was to Two; he was happy Two had managed to figure it out in the lab. With how hard Two tried to forsake and leave behind everything that others had tried to make him be, it was great that Two had something that he could choose for himself that mattered for him. It was a start, Ri agreed, and he wanted to help Two figure everything else out from there.
He left it there though, as they'd agreed already to move on. They'd left their friends sitting and waiting, doing nothing, and they'd already moved, signaling that they were resurfacing and ready to interact again. Ri sensed them excitedly come to their own senses, perking up now that they didn't have to try not to bother Ri and Two anymore. They had seemed to be trying to entertain themselves in the meantime, at least; Red had his laptop and Blue was sitting with a book. Ri glanced at Two; Two seemed encouraged, so it felt like a good time to have some casual fun.
"Ah, you guys are finally alive again," Red dryly teased. "We were starting to wonder if we should check you for pulses."
"I sensed, at least," Blue offered. "Tried to - keep out."
We understand, Ri said back. Did you guys at least... manage to keep yourselves busy?
"I decided to try more reading," Blue answered. "I'm a lot better than I used to be, but sometimes I still come across words I don't get immediately."
It was like that for us too, Two offered. At least - for me, he admitted, embarrassed.
"Not Ri?" Blue asked. Ri caught his inquisitive look; it reminded him how little he tended to talk about what his life was like before he mated Two.
I was already fluent in our language, Ri explained. It just happened to be the same as the one on the world I left.
Blue seemed interested to hear more, but Ri was happy he didn't bring it up. It was a little difficult getting used to him being able to sense, but at the same time, it helped them to get along a bit, too, as Blue didn't always have to guess and infer what Ri and Two felt from how they acted like Red did.
"I was researching stuff on my laptop," Red offered. "I was - starting to wonder about my gym challenge."
Ri guessed what Red was thinking about: the state of his challenge now that their gym was closed. He knew Red supported them shutting down the gym, but it had been a bit of a sore point given that he had been able to be officially accepted as a Challenger mostly because Ri and Two were gym leaders. They had been assured when they visited the Champion that Red would be able to continue his challenge, but there was more to it: Ri and Two were worried about how Kanto would react to the League closing Cinnabar Gym permanently. While Ri and Two had closed their gym down temporarily until the League made their official statement, it was rather common and practically expected of them to shut down their gym for an extended period during the season. They expected the official statement very soon though, and expected trainers to be unhappy about it. Whether the sentiment would spread to the general public, Ri didn't know, but the League had suggested they keep quiet for a while once the gym was officially closed. Red still wanted to continue his Challenge, though, and Ri understood that it would be rough for him to have to hold it off for a couple months, especially when they tended to be relatively slow to bring themselves to face visiting a new gym even normally.
Ri wondered too about the personal stuff he and Two were trying to figure out. Two'd just accepted responsibility of himself after spending several days paralyzed by his habit of repressing his own problems and by his nervousness to take charge and face the pain of his past. It was big, Ri felt, and it accompanied his own need to grow to be able to support Two through this new phase in his life. He looked to his mate for a moment - he thought Two was an incredible pokemon - but as Two had mentioned Ri taking charge of his own healing had incentivized him to try it himself, Ri worried that Two would charge ahead of him, leave him behind, and not be able to pull him up with him. It was - honestly - kind of scary to Ri, too. He wanted a little bit of time to settle down before pushing on ahead again.
- Ri, Two said, apparently noticing what was going through Ri's mind. Two hugged him close; Ri felt reassured by it. He trusted that Two would stick with him, but... he couldn't help being insecure, too, no matter how much he hated being hard on Two because of it. At least - Two sounded calm, and the closeness they shared reassured Ri that Two wanted it to stay that way - that he wanted it to grow as they grew together.
I... want time to settle down, Ri admitted.
Going with Red on his Challenge might help with that, Two pointed out.
Yeah, but - it usually ends up being hard on us when we do. And - the gym, Ri countered.
... At least until they make the announcement, there's nothing to worry about.
Ri agreed, but he also wondered when they were going to do it. It had been several days; he and Two had expected it to happen already. And... if they waited even a day, they couldn't be sure that they would hold off so Ri and Two would feel safe.
"I get that you guys want to be careful, but I can't wait forever to challenge Vermilion."
"Couldn't... Red just go alone?" Blue wondered out loud.
Safety in numbers, Two said.
Also - we want to support him and follow him along, Ri admitted.
"I need them to help me travel, anyway. Couldn't get off Cinnabar without their help."
"I can -"
We - Ri started protesting, but he caught himself quickly. He recognized what was happening; this wasn't as much about Red and Blue being able to go out by themselves, it was more about Ri and Two's practical separation anxiety letting them go. Ri shrank into himself; the feeling was partly because Ri and Two wanted to protect Red and Blue, but with difficulty, Ri had to admit that he wanted to protect himself and Two from losing the two friends they cared most about.
I don't know, Ri said instead, with difficulty.
"... I don't really want to travel without you guys anyway," Red said. "Just... try to figure it out for me, at least."
... OK, Ri said. He nuzzled into Two, feeling weird; they had never before considered the stuff they'd just realized now.
I... never thought of it that way, Two said, seemingly as shocked as Ri was.
Red sticks with us so much -
And we don't let Blue do anything by himself, Two recognized.
Mostly, what hit Ri was the panic he felt at the idea of losing Red or Blue. He had no idea how to feel about it; he was mated to Two. Two was the one he felt he couldn't live without, but suddenly together they were panicking over the idea of Red and Blue going away. They knew how much Red and Blue meant to them - they were Ri and Two's closest friends, after all - but feeling like this alarmed Ri especially, making him wonder if they were holding Red and Blue back or being possessive of them.
We need to ask about it, Ri asserted toward Two.
... Yeah, Two agreed.
Guys? Ri asked, mustering the courage to speak up.
"Yeah?" Red and Blue responded.
Do we - Ri choked up, having difficulty admitting it - keep you guys from being... yourselves?
"Guys -" Red warned.
It's important, Two asserted.
"No, you don't get to do this to us!" Red asserted more forcefully. "We're here because we want to be here; if we wanted to leave, we'd leave! At least -" Red qualified "- I would. Trust that - we can... handle ourselves a little better than you guys can."
Red's outburst terrified Ri; it had been a long time since they'd done something to make him upset like that. Ri didn't know if it was fair or not; he and Two were worried about it because they genuinely cared. It had been mean, too - Red had directly called them out for not being able to handle themselves. It hurt, but Ri had to admit he wasn't wrong; it didn't hurt so much for Red to blatantly point out something that was true anymore. They'd learned it was just Red stating facts, not necessarily a judgement of those facts. He felt guilty, though, and he didn't like feeling guilty for something that, to him, felt genuinely like him and Two being caring and sensitive to the pokemon around them.
We - Ri tried defending himself, withering under Red's intense demeanor.
We can help not being able to manage being insecure, but don't yell at us for being caring despite those insecurities , Two snapped, quickly growing defensive to protect himself and Ri.
"You don't get to turn this around on me again, either!"
"- Red! Two! Ri!"
Blue's outburst shocked everyone else into silence. Ri shrunk into Two as much as he could; everyone getting worked up easily overwhelmed him.
"You guys are all kind of right and kind of wrong. Whether Ri and Two were right to question us, I don't know, but I sensed they asked because they cared. I sense it bothers you, Red, but I don't think this is fair.
"Is it worth it to rip each other apart over what was originally just a misunderstanding?" Blue challenged. In the silence after, Ri couldn't help but feel miserable; he hated being the cause of such unrest in their friends. At least Two held him close; it helped to ground him.
"... No," Red said, apparently backing down. "But we need to stick up for ourselves too, when we need to, Blue. Sometimes they don't see when they aren't being fair to us."
"I don't think they deserved this when they tried to be caring. Ri feels miserable, and Two feels betrayed. They feel safe with us; we need to respect that too."
Blue - don't take it upon yourself to expose our thoughts and emotions. Let us converse upon our own terms, Two reprimanded.
"I -" Blue said, faltering now that he was caught in the crossfire.
"Guys," Red warned, sounding upset again.
We appreciate your help, Ri said, we're thankful you interrupted us and tried to validate everyone. After that... even though we sense, we need to let the pokemon around us figure it out themselves from there.
"I - just wanted..."
Now Blue seemed miserable too, and Ri felt beyond terrible.
I -
Even Two was out of it; they were all smarting now. It didn't feel great; they were all supposed to be friends. It seemed like... this stuff shouldn't happen. Ri supposed it was like Blue had said: they misunderstood what they were saying, then Red misunderstood it from them, then Blue overshot trying to help smooth things out before Ri, Two, and Red really got upset at each other. Ri really didn't want things to be this way; he felt he almost regretted whatever it was that had led to this regardless of who was at fault. He sensed it from Two, too; regret for snapping at their friends.
We're - sorry, Ri said, bringing himself to say it for Two too. We didn't want something like this to happen.
"You guys are out of it today," Blue offered weakly. "You weren't feeling totally... normal."
"I'm... sorry too," Red said, slightly roughly. "Blue was right, I got... ahead of myself." He seemed perturbed; he was clearly still rather upset.
"I'm - also sorry," Blue said. "I just wanted to... help. I sensed what was happening, I didn't think it was right."
... Thank you, Two said, with apparent difficulty.
"You saved us a lot of pain," Red admitted, apparently settling back down a bit.
We... overreacted too, Ri admitted. Just... we've gotten caught in the middle before, and it's... hard, when you can sense, to know how to help.
Ri and Two tried to settle down again; it was beyond difficult. They were just left thinking over what had just happened. They'd gotten in a mindset, and questioned themselves because of it, and started to question Red and Blue because of it, too. In hindsight, Ri felt he could see how it wasn't really right to wonder about, but at the same time, he and Two had wondered because they cared. It was a hard situation.
And Red... like Red, hadn't seen the whole nuanced picture. Or, at least - he wasn't able to deal with it as delicately as he'd needed to. Ri painfully admitted Red wasn't wrong either, but he wished Red didn't have to be so hurtful asserting it.
Then Blue - Ri was thankful that Blue had stood up for him and Two. He'd tried being fair when Ri, Two, and Red were all getting worked up because they felt that their own genuinely OK thoughts and feelings weren't being validated. He'd gone too far, though, and started trying to put things back together when it was, ultimately, up to Ri, Two, and Red to do that themselves. Ri understood; he'd gotten caught trying to mediate others before. He understood how it was hard being caught between friends, and seeing that they both weren't being fair toward each other. He understood Blue's motivation to try to stop it, and appreciated his bravery to assert it, but he also needed delicacy. He was dealing with pokemon whose thoughts and feelings were personal and closely guarded and who were jealous of their own self-will; he'd needed to back off when he managed to catch them all off-guard to realize that both they and the other party were valid.
On top of it - Ri still cared about Red's desire to challenge Vermillion, and he cared about his and Two's fragile composure. It took a while, in the silence after all that for the sentiment to turn in his mind from being scared about Two's progress to being excited about it, but he felt it happen, and in the aftermath of that near-argument, it was exciting.
... Two?
... Yeah? Two asked, sounding somewhat discouraged.
I - am kind of excited for... wherever stuff is going to take us.
I - can see it too, Two admitted. I hope it's somewhere great.
I do too, Ri agreed. But - I mean that... I kind of want to celebrate and acknowledge that it's... big, for you.
Sounds like fun, Two agreed.
I - think... maybe I could manage Vermillion.
Follow Red?
Ri let Two sense he meant yeah.
It would solve a lot of things, Two ventured. Yeah... it sounds like fun.
I'll... let Red know, then.
OK, Two said. Ri prepared himself, finding it hard to break the silence.
- Red, Ri called out, weakly.
... Yeah? Red asked, cautiously. Discouraged and scared, Ri made himself continue.
We want to visit Vermillion with you. Two and I enjoy visiting places when we aren't... miserable because of the people. We don't know how it'll be, but it feels exciting to try. We want to do something fun together after... managing the stuff we did today.
"Are you - sure?" Red asked.
Yeah, Two said.
"Sounds like fun," Red admitted.
"Yeah," Blue agreed. "It'll be cool to see more of your Kanto."
Ri sighed; it was a relief to feel like they were all somewhat on the same page again.
It sounds like fun to us too, Two admitted. We haven't seen Vermilion either.
"I wonder how it's changed since I visited," Red wondered out loud.
The conversation died down, leaving Ri and Two cuddling close again. It was awkward and tense; even if everything smoothed over, tensions were pretty high. It was uncomfortable for Ri; he and Two appreciated how they could feel safe and could usually interact with Red and Blue fairly easily but it wasn't like that in this moment. Ri remembered though, that he and Two had gotten up to do something fun with Red and Blue; he still felt he wanted to. He sensed how Two felt about it - Two agreed with him - so he tried to muster the courage to speak up.
We... wanted to do something fun, Ri pointed out. Could we... still?
"I don't see why not," Red said. From him... Ri guessed that was as close as an admission of forgiveness as he and Two were going to get.
"Yeah," Blue agreed again.
With that - Ri felt somewhat reassured. He nuzzled against Two; it was encouraging, that that hadn't hurt them all so much they couldn't figure it out after. Two'd been pretty harsh, Ri remembered; he understood Two was feeling weird, and he was happy that Two's outbursts hadn't ended up being too hurtful.
"Guys..." Red started.
... Yeah? Ri asked, his turn to be cautious.
"I don't mind sticking with you and Two. You're my friends, and - at the moment, I don't really have much of anywhere else to go. I... understand that I am your friend, too, and I know how much that means to you guys. I'm not going to be... quick to move away. And... at the moment I don't mind if you're kind of... clingy. I can see, especially now, that you're trying to figure it out. Right now, of anytime... I can understand that you might be particularly... clingy."
It was kind of ironic, Ri thought, that such pain came from something that, in the end, Red was completely fine with. It surprised him, too... Red rarely opened up like that. It was shocking, in fact; Ri was nearly speechless.
... Thank you, he managed to say.
"And... I'm your friend too," Blue said. "I'm happy here, too... I'm happy to help, too."
... Thanks, Ri repeated.
In Red's admission, it made Ri think it over again. He wanted to validate Red too, so he pulled himself with difficulty to speak up:
You were... kind of right too, he admitted. We... appreciate how honest you are with us, in some... odd way it helps us feel comfortable with you.
He felt there was more he could say, but he left it at that, and hoped Red understood.
And... thank you for helping, Ri said, addressing Blue.
"... Thank you," Red said.
"You're welcome," Blue said. It was rather awkward, but Ri was happy that it seemed like everything was nearly OK again. Like how it was with Two, Ri guessed that Red and Blue were going to be a little touchy for a while, but it was encouraging that they seemed to want to keep having fun, too.
Red and Blue are our friends, Two said - to Ri, privately, Ri sensed. That is something else that we have. I can... have friends.
We... needed help, Ri said. They're... forgiving of us, but... yeah. I'm thankful they appreciate our efforts to be their friends.
Yeah, Two agreed. I'm excited to visit Vermillion with you.
I am too, Ri said, but we've gotta help Red, too.
I suppose we'll see how that goes, Two considered.
They didn't know the Vermillion gym leader anymore; Lt. Surge had retired and gave the gym to someone else. It was scary going to see somebody they didn't know, but at the same time, it was scary going and seeing someone they did know too.
I guess, yeah. Hopefully - they'll be respectful of us without... already knowing who you are, Ri projected.
That would be nice, Two agreed.
With how Two was trying to forsake his past, Ri knew that it would be hard on him for people to treat him like it still defined him. Misty had done that, Ri remembered, but he hoped that whatever young gym leader who'd taken over Vermilion Gym would know only their reputation as gym leaders and be unaware of who Two was before that.
"Weren't we going to do something?" Red interrupted. It made Ri angry for a moment, but he remembered they'd pointed it out then dropped off the face of the earth again, and he remembered too that Red was familiar enough with them to know when they started talking between each other, and that it could bother him if they weren't careful about what they were talking about.
- We should do something, Two suggested.
Yeah, Ri agreed.
Once again, Ri and Two detached from each other and stretched. Ri felt weird, but he felt thankful for his mate and friends who were all apparently strong enough to get along after nearly hurting each other a lot. He was happy to get to doing something fun, and he really looked forward to it, especially with Two. With the prospect of visiting Vermilion, Ri looked forward to having unrestrained fun before they put themselves in a circumstance where they didn't feel particularly safe to be themselves. Until then, at least, they could be open with Red and Blue and enjoy themselves and each other, and it was especially welcome after a day of questioning themselves, thinking through tough stuff, breaking down, and coming to terms with difficult truths. Ri was happy and thankful that he and Two had managed it together, but he was happy to let it go for a bit too and let things just be normal for a bit. As it was, Ri was happy for Two to come as far as he did, and he was happy to continue helping him reassured that they'd take it when they were both ready. This way - Ri understood that Two wasn't as sure as he was - but it felt to him like they'd somehow manage to figure out how to support themselves, and it was encouraging while they allowed themselves to celebrate with their friends.
"I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are."
A person does not choose the life they were given, but they can choose what they do with it. Who a person is does not rest solely on the cards they were given when they were born; they are defined by what they do *with* those cards.
This is a lesson some Mewtwo take to heart quickly and young, but others struggle with its complications for years. Ri and Two, mated for a long time, have never acknowledged the meaning of this eloquent quote, but now, with their life changing around them and faced with the reality that they may need to interact with the world in ways they aren't ready to just to be able to live, Two prepares himself to let go of his past and forge ahead to decide for himself what a Mewtwo is.
Oh, as usual, this is up on my Ao3 too!
- Ri
A person does not choose the life they were given, but they can choose what they do with it. Who a person is does not rest solely on the cards they were given when they were born; they are defined by what they do *with* those cards.
This is a lesson some Mewtwo take to heart quickly and young, but others struggle with its complications for years. Ri and Two, mated for a long time, have never acknowledged the meaning of this eloquent quote, but now, with their life changing around them and faced with the reality that they may need to interact with the world in ways they aren't ready to just to be able to live, Two prepares himself to let go of his past and forge ahead to decide for himself what a Mewtwo is.
Oh, as usual, this is up on my Ao3 too!
- Ri
Category Story / Pokemon
Species Pokemon
Gender Multiple characters
Size 120 x 120px
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