Self Deprecation,..eh?
a year ago
Ugh.
I have so much of that.
When confronted with why i do that, and to stop.
The concept was so forieng, only comfical reply i came up wiht a day later
"you wouldint like me with being more self depcracting"
hehe, obviulsy the concept just couldnt sink thru,m even after a day of self reflecting on the defintion i was reading, heh.
that i'm suffering that artist curse, heh. already knew, just impossible in shaken.
way to many sincer desire to believe them childhood fary stories of eternal life, original sin, i can never be good enough to feel rewarded, upbringing.
wasn't alot of distractions back then at the calibure of today, so of course more time fuming in trying to understand, what is already lost in translation, of a made up history time line.
no do overs to see what coudla happened, if i wasnt so easily entrhalled in wanting to belive that people wouldnt lie.
or how life woulda been if i wasnt given chrsitianity as a truth, an only truth
spent way to many foramtive years of trying to keep those fairy tales real.
/le sigh
now my brother, wishes i could stop beating myself up.
alot has to be from forced habbit, from the days i wanted to belive in the bible as factual an higher over any other value in life.
along with society in usa, trying to bring back one of a multitude of social contracts back into mandatory adherence.
I have so much of that.
When confronted with why i do that, and to stop.
The concept was so forieng, only comfical reply i came up wiht a day later
"you wouldint like me with being more self depcracting"
hehe, obviulsy the concept just couldnt sink thru,m even after a day of self reflecting on the defintion i was reading, heh.
that i'm suffering that artist curse, heh. already knew, just impossible in shaken.
way to many sincer desire to believe them childhood fary stories of eternal life, original sin, i can never be good enough to feel rewarded, upbringing.
wasn't alot of distractions back then at the calibure of today, so of course more time fuming in trying to understand, what is already lost in translation, of a made up history time line.
no do overs to see what coudla happened, if i wasnt so easily entrhalled in wanting to belive that people wouldnt lie.
or how life woulda been if i wasnt given chrsitianity as a truth, an only truth
spent way to many foramtive years of trying to keep those fairy tales real.
/le sigh
now my brother, wishes i could stop beating myself up.
alot has to be from forced habbit, from the days i wanted to belive in the bible as factual an higher over any other value in life.
along with society in usa, trying to bring back one of a multitude of social contracts back into mandatory adherence.