[Art/Personal Update]
3 years ago
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Commission Information
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I Terms of Service I
I Pricing I
I Customer Review I
I Queue I
I Will and Wont Draw I
So, I thought I would take the time to write out a bit of a lengthy journal.
Essentially, a comprehension of everything going on behind the scenes with my art and possibly where I need to go moving forward.
I’m going to try not to get too personal about this.
I just want to give a really rough overview in case anyone needs a proper explanation for what is going on. I’d rather keep my private life mostly to myself, so some of the details I’m not going to dive too deep into. This cake is layered, and I’m just giving you an overview of the surface.
Some folks might know that I’ve been dealing with a particular problem in regards to my artwork process. For those that do not, I’ll try to explain it.
Essentially, in the past year or year in a half, I have developed something which I refer to as ‘the itch’. It is similar in sensation to a mosquito bite. While I start to line my artwork, I suddenly get this overwhelming need to reline the piece. My mind tells me, no matter how far along I am, that something looks wrong with the piece and that the current linework will not work. Either the linework is too thick, too thin, the anatomy looks wrong which means the linework is wrong, etc.
A lot of common tricks recommended to me do not work.
Before anyone writes in the comments to try their method of getting over it, here are some examples of things I’ve tried that get highly recommended to me;
- Push past the wall and just finish the picture, even if I am unhappy with it
-Scrapping the entire image and restarting the picture with a whole new sketch
-Switching to working on a personal project
-Switching to working on scribbles
-Trying to a different method of linework or different art form
-Take a break from the piece for a couple of days or more
-Scrap the image entirely and work on something else
-Scribble something beforehand to work out my art muscles on something else intense
-Body studies
-Motion studies
-Therapy
Generally speaking, I feel like I have tried nearly everything to push past this particular problem. It is not something that I can just straight up ignore. Not because I do not have the willpower; but, more because I physically get sick if I push myself past those limits. Even when I take a break, and come back to a piece, or switch to a whole different piece, the problem still persists.
To say it is debilitating is an understatement.
I have not felt this low about my artwork in a long time and the more it drags on the deeper I fall into this spiral of self-loathing and cutting criticism.
I do not feel confident in my current ability to be able to remain at my professional standards in regards to commissions. Currently, I would not be able to put out work that I would deem as sufficient enough in a timely enough manner.
In example, the commission work that I have managed to finish has taken me weeks to finish. With my putting in full time work hour levels into each piece per day and without seeing any gains for many of those days. I simply cannot feel good about myself having a commissioner go through that process and watch me essentially hack at a piece until it reaches a particular rudimentary standard in my head.
For the time being, I am going to stick solely to personal artwork, YCHs and small easy to do commission pieces like busts that will in a similar first come first serve style. To think of doing any projects that are not completely in my control right now is something I mentally do not think I can handle.
That also means that I am going to completely gut my queue.
I cannot promise a spot in my waitlist anymore. There is no certain day when I will be able to either get a firm handle on this problem or get over it completely. For that reason, I’m not going to have people wait in the wings for some unforeseen time gate.
Artwork is going to come out of me at a snail’s pace.
There is no workaround to that.
I will work as efficiently as I can.
Just know, in advance, that I am working near daily. There just is not a lot of progress to show for the hours of work I spend on it currently.
In short;
I essentially need a couple of wins.
I’ve been hit with loss after loss and I’m getting close to wanting to leave the tournament with how badly it is affecting me mentally.
I love my work. I love what I do. But, I somehow lost the spirit that I once had. I lost it back in 2019 and I would really like to try to find it again.
Back when I did not have this particular itch nipping at my heels and ruining the fun and joy I had in the process of creating work.
I hope that all of you can understand.
I mean it when I say that I am truly trying my best.
For those that were waiting in the queue, I am deeply sorry.
This is for the best, in my opinion, for my own mental and physical health.
Also, thank you for the support and to all my close friends that have seen me try to run through this tar pit first hand. The true legends in my life right now.
Also also, apologies in advance for any writing errors. English may be my first language but I've never really been great at it.
I don't know what program you use to draw but clip studio has great vector layers where one can easily re-adjust the line thickness, brush style, move entire lines or just pull them how you want them to be.
Maybe that could help partially c:
I'm particular with how I want the lines to look, which leads to the issue.
Altering the linework in any particular way usually leads it more pixelated and clunky looking.
you can choose, how soft or harsh you'd like the lines to be!
Besides that, when I say that I have the issue with my linework, I understand its more of a mental thing.
It looks blurry and clunky to me, even if I have barely resized or tweaked the linework.
I didn't go in to it further.
But, in example, part of my need to reline a whole picture is that while I am lining it, even if I liked the linework from the beginning, I inevitably hate it.
If I drew an ear, then finished the face, and got to the shoulder, I would hate the linework that I did on the ear, even if at the time I thought it looked great.
The linework itself is not necessarily the problem. It's my perception of it.
Thanks for the input though.
Perhaps that tool will help someone else out.
If you're feeling a struggle with this area, taking steps back to reevaluate and regroup is a great strategy. You know yourself better than anyone and can properly work out alternate methods you'll need for adjustment. Rather it's more lenience or more pushing, those prospects require experimentation and time.
Removing the pressure or requirement itself might also prove incredibly beneficial. Since it gives you more range to advance--or simply exist--according to your current preferences at the time. Maintaining a standard based off what people expect from you can be exhausting, especially if you've been maintaining it for a while without relief.
Truly hope that you can work through these difficulties and regain the passion for what you love doing. Your work is stunning and regardless of the style/level of completion, I always look forward to seeing what you create. :)
I recall starting to tumble down that hill around the same time as you and it sucks to still see you going through it. I had to change so much of my work, my style, my focus, and nearly everything to get past it, but I understand completely that's not a choice everyone finds easy to make or... just the fact it might not even work at all for them.
I really wish I had some other ideas but that's already so many done and I'd be at a complete loss too.
I do feel clearing that queue will at least clear some weight off your shoulders at least. Sometimes me seeing a list of just 3 people can stress me the hell out and back. Hopefully, that helps a little in some regaurds! As for the rest, I hope you can find out what you need soon. I'll always be here to support your work! You've always been my favorite humanoid artist.
I hope you get some wins and feel better, and I look forward to seeing your personal art, it's one of the main reasons I watched you actually :) I'm rooting for you!
I think these steps you're taking are smart and healthy and hope they give you a larger sense of ease through everything. I know we aren't close and have never spoken outside of the occasional comment, but if you ever need anything, I'm happy to help. Wishing you all the best!
Your work is beautiful nonetheless and I do look forward to see your own personal pieces. Get you those wins!
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself! :)
For me when I art, any time it gets very bad emotionally, I'd ask myself "Do I rule my craft? Or does it rule me?" Is it stressing me out deeply? Is it making me feel so pathetic I cry? Is it forcing me to see it as a chore instead of a joy?
Then it's not enriching. Instead a burden. Which, of course, we don't want it to be. We love drawing, and bringing our characters/stories to life. I don't have a perfect answer but I do know it's okay to take a break, or slow down, if you need, and enrich your life with other crafts. Reading, music, caring for a plant, something new could even inspire/refresh you for your art.
You're only human in the end, it's okay to draw at a "snail's" pace, only do sketch pieces, or lighten up on taking commissions, your health should always come first. Don't let your craft rule you.
I also struggle with "the itch" at the moment and have been for a few years. Like you describe, there is really nothing that can cure it. I believe this has to do with us going through a phase where mentally we are getting better at the art than what we see, and it doesn't match up. Kinda like the brain feels like we should be better than this right now. I think the way out of this is to just keep on doing art, keep on suffering through the awful thoughts we battle thinking our art looks wrong and seemingly getting worse. One day it will finally clear up and we will be able to be proud of our work again.
But, believe me when I say that this is something we as artists only feel ourselves. The outside world does not see it the way we do. They just see our art as good as it has always been, I have been told this, and this is exactly how I feel looking at yours. I have never seen anything of yours that is more lackluster than before, etc. Again, everything you post has me absolutely jawdropping.
Sorry, this was a long comment.. and sorry for what might just be meaningless rambles from a stranger. I love your art more than anything else out there and I find incredible inspiration and joy from just looking through your gallery for hours. I really do. For that, I thank you. Thanks for pushing through painful thoughts in the creative process to deliver all of these gorgeous pieces for me/us.
Do you mean access?
If you're looking for my TOS it can be located Here
As for a pricelist, I do not have any visual representation for it at the current moment. If you want to know the price of something, just send me a direct message and I can give a ballpark estimate for what a piece may cost. Otherwise, I generally state what my prices are when I open for commission spots in said opening posts or the price for auctioned off YCHs.
I just wondered because when I clicked the links It led me to journals that seem to not work uwu
Also okay, I was curious about something but If your comms are closed or something I don't want to bother you with some price questions (I know that can be stressing, even If It doesn't have the intention to stress out!)
Also thank you for taking the time to respond to me c:
I just cannot promise when I'll open for commission spots, as I'm still finding my footing.