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YourLocalTentacleMerchant | Registered: Jul 31, 2014 07:33



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YourLocalTentacleMerchant
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icon © Me + Picrew
I have sever social anxiety. Please be mindful and patient with me.
Stats
Comments Earned: 5932
Comments Made: 5372
Journals: 8
Comments Made: 5372
Journals: 8
Featured Journal
Explanation as to whats been going on.
a year ago
Hello all.
Originally I was going to explain what was going on a few weeks back. I had even initially planned to explain over a month ago though, back when it first started to get worse.
Stuff just kept sbowballing and made everything even more overwhelming as I kept putting it off.
I had/have a few physical and mental heath issues, family issues and technology issues to name a few.
I was and still am struggling to work due to it all. I am still working, just at a snails pace essentially.
My mental state got so bad at times that trying to relax, take my mind off of stuff, have a me day, play games, watch stuff, work on stuff, even just cooking and eating, all of it was too much, too tiresome and off-putting.
To add to my already crumbling mental state, I was already bad at socialising, my anxiety made that way worse. Especially these past few months. Not only did I have multiple people cross my boundaries making me uncomfortable, I was already struggling to get on most sites to check my notes.
I was (and still am a little) intimidated and scared because of how long I was/am taking. To the point I just kept expecting the absolute worse to happen, making myself ill over it numerous times.
I felt it better to just get the work done then post it to people.
This was from/because of the mindset that even though most of the notes I did read were understanding, patient and kind, just waiting for an update/checking in me. Nothing bad.
My stupid brain kept making me sick from fear and anxiety that the messages would be rude, insulting, telling me of and worse still. Even though most of the times I opened the notes showed otherwise.
But eventually the guilt of logging in and seeing the notes that I kept getting overwhelmed by, started eating at me too much that I just avoided fa, da and stuff all together for a while until recently were I uploaded one adopt post.
Earlier into all of this I started feeling a little better, baby steps and all that. After finally getting a bit better we received some pretty bad news, which is what made it all plummet again and honestly made it worse this time, the type of news that you can't exactly just wait out or expect to get better.
To be as blunt as possible, over the past few months there have been 3 deaths, 2 of which are family members. One of which was this morning, the over a few days ago. This one will likely take a bit longer to recover from.
I'm sorry that I've let this all of this stuff affect me how it has been, and that I slowed down so much. Currently I'm not in the best of mindsets.
I was holding off posting this until Tuesday at least, when I'm meant to be working again, but after clearing my thoughts, thought it would be best to just post it as soon as possible.
Get it out of the way. Both for my sake and my customers sakes.
I normally hate opening up about issues to my friends and family. I also feel I should never let my real life seep into my work life. Its nobodies business what goes on in my life and I shouldn't be unloading and causing issues to you guys.
But right now, the need and feeling that I have to explain some stuff greatly outweighs the hesitation to talk.
So that's kind of a glimpse of what my life has been like the last few months without opening up too much.
There's some stuff I'm still not over and haven't fixed yet.
But I'm trying. It's just really difficult to open up about stuff.
I am still working on stuff even though I get mentally and physically fatigued within minutes of working on stuff.
So again. I am sorry about all of this.
About the slowness, the silence.
I'll try to get stuff done and sent out as fast as possible.
I'll be trying to read the messages on Tuesday when I'm officially back at work again. So please bare with me.
Thank you all for waiting.
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