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Going home (serious)
Hey, this isn't some vent piece! It's a couple weeks old and I really just... had an urge to write something heavier? So this is a bit experimental and a lot sad. If you guys are up for reading that, I would appreciate feedback!
Story by me, on my spare time
Thumbnail by milkandjuice
Art and another story soon, a bigger one tomorrow!
Story by me, on my spare time
Thumbnail by milkandjuice
Art and another story soon, a bigger one tomorrow!
Category Story / All
Species Red Fox
Gender Female
Size 120 x 120px
Emotionally heavy is a good thing sometime. Good to see it. Though the content of the short juxtaposed with the sassy chibi is a bit curious.
The dialogue is good and shows good character depth, especially in relationship between hero and the people they protect.
A few things:
Italic thoughts, no '' and instead they are put in italics with a , much like dialogue. Such as It's cold, Stormwave thought.
Dialogue tags:
Use a , and not a period with a dialogue tag unless it is a ? or a !. Ex: "You did good, you know," said the voice
Does a lot for helping readership.
A few things:
Italic thoughts, no '' and instead they are put in italics with a , much like dialogue. Such as It's cold, Stormwave thought.
Dialogue tags:
Use a , and not a period with a dialogue tag unless it is a ? or a !. Ex: "You did good, you know," said the voice
Does a lot for helping readership.
Yeah, I should pay more attention to that stuff. I normally use italicized thoughts, not sure why I didn't this time around? It was kind of just a spur of the moment and not really edited piece.
But thanks for the feedback!
But thanks for the feedback!
I said it before and I'll say it again: You are amazingly good at writing emotional heavy stuff. That was really good and left me with bittersweet feelings, which I love in a story from time to time ^^ I like how it's implied but not direct with the ending, like that's up to the reader to interpret for themselves. This is really good writing and gives me feels.
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